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My mother killed herself a few years ago, but to this day she still appears in my dreams. It always feels normal for her to be there in the dreams, its like she never died. I never remember her being dead either when im dreaming. Just this morning I dreamed about her talking to me in the car like she always used to do. I was so happy, but then I woke up and came to the crushing realization that it was a dream and she was dead. Why cant i just dream forever and never wake up?

Yea, that's where I want to go too. Here's a thought experiment that has given me pause though: what if I'm already in a never ending dream? Nature is abominable. I'm scared that there is something after death. A unconscious nothing is what I want, but what if there's something after? That's exciting; let's find out. It's also scary... earth being a pen for aliens to breed humans or to extract something--an idea a younger me would have thought madness--doesn't seem so impossible now. Humans are infinitely cruel to other life. There's mice whose sole existance is man-made: they are born in complete captivity and they die in deliberately cruel ways. They are given drugs and timed to see how long they can tread watee before drowning. That was their purpose in existing. Look at non-human life! It's real and that makes it more terror inducing than any thought-creature. I could be a brain in a vat of some texnologicaly supreme civilization. Let's all drown in protest.

>>8531 look at me I'm so edgy!

I have the same thing with a dead family member being essential part of most dreams. Sometimes I notice in the dream that something must be wrong with that, but I can never tell exactly what or remember that they are dead until I wake up. It is interesting how far the subconcious (or whatever is responsible for creating dreams, admittedly I know nothing about what exactly is behind dreams) lags behind reality. I would see it as a nice way to remember, but nothing more. As hard as it sounds, you have to make peace with reality and accept that you can never live in a dream world. I'm sorry for your loss and hope you find a way to live with how things are.

>>8533 Heh, we used something similar in the lab, but in order to get a sample of a tail. Injections on rats are pretty easy to do without this contraption. For killing, you use a high-power microwave mostly. If they do get their head off, then they are usually already dead (the microwave) or at least sedated.

I'm sorry to hear that it effects you so much. My mom had died months ago and I saw her in a dream she had just come home and I thought it was strange how she could just come back from the dead even after cremated and it was nice to see her but felt off but it was just that one time. I still can barely remember my dreams.