Am I losing a part of myself? Is the continual death of myself in my dreams a sign of change in my life?
Ever since I started taking Abilify, a drug taken to treat schizophrenia and bipolar, I've started remembering my dreams, and not only remembering them, but have noticed their strangeness. In it, I die in every single dream. Every night I dream of my untimely demise. In one, I was blown to bits, in another, I was stabbed in my stomach and my right shoulder with a long sword. Every night I go to sleep, die, and wake up.
This feels like an endless cycle I cannot change. yet each night I find my brain inventing new ways to put me to an untimely death. I wonder what this might reflect on myself. Whether this might connect to my untapped subconscious, I'm not sure. Maybe this is me telling me that I am nobody or that what I thought I was I no longer was, or ever was. Maybe this is ego death. Maybe I was never anything at all and my little world i've built around me, my identity, my ego, is dying. It's been dying, it's been coming a long way. Maybe this dream is a sign of it.