radical/eccentric ways to fight mental illness

im autistic and human beings repulse me. ive been incapable of experiencing love and joy for many months, maybe years now. i have no motivation or clarity and i dont feel connected to the people around me, which is the most painful part. ive tried drugs, medication, therapy, exercise, diet, sheer willpower, but nothing has worked.

"Autism" (as a modern term for pariah) only means the society you live in wasn't made for you. It can be both a blessing and a curse. You wont be brainwashed as easily by the media or social pressures. But this also means you will have a harder time than everyone else. You will find yourself taking an opposing path as the masses who are usually acting on their own selfish impulses. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this slump. I know it can be difficult to break out of, and it sounds like you've tried, which is what's important. Just know it is temporary. I recommend taking some time to relax, and ask yourself what you're really fighting for or why you're even trying. A good place to start is looking for the thing that inspires you or fills your heart with passion. Motivation is temporary but it's an important ingredient for determination (which represents a persistent fire in you're heart). And the other ingredient is inspiration (purpose + direction). Sometimes you just have to push through regardless of how you're feeling. Having a foggy mind usually means you're not living a healthy lifestyle. Health can be a complicated subject and it's more than just eating your greens. I recommend taking multivitamins + ashwaganda supplements or tea with adaptogens and going on a 30 minute walk each day (to relax and think things out, not exercise) for starters. These are things that can greatly improve your mental health regardless of how you're body handles food (diets). I don't think anyone really feels a meaningful connection with someone else outside of love and true friendships, which is rare as it is. The truth is no one else can fix you, help from others is nice but not entitled. You are alone and must make due with what you got. Despite this social capital is important so you must be able to put on an act to normal people to convince them you're one of them. Try learning a little about everything in culture so you can relate to everyone on some level and most people will consider you a "friend" right away. Most opportunities in life are only available to those with the right connections. https://youtu.be/KGS0l-v8CzM i was once a lot like you, if you keep trying you'll make it. the rush of blood pumping through your veins is a great feeling whether it's fueled by rage or passion, it's an all-out assault against yourself and from the remains a new person can be born; stronger, smarter and better.

>>7113 Perhaps the goal criteria aren't where they should be. I haven't experienced a lot of any of those things you say you lack for a couple years now either.. and I'm not depressed. I'm not anxious. I'm not autistic. Maybe a bit angry. Post-2020 world is a pathetic homebody planet, sweat-pants planet, things changed in subtle ways.. the dance of life stopped for just a couple beats, and now nobody can get the rhythm back it seems

>>7113 Just find a religion that emphasizes that the body/mind/ego are not the same (one is physical and the other is ephemeral) and then you can have a lot of fun with just ignoring physical or mental ailments by discriminating against whichever part causes you difficulty in life.

>>7123 If you think any religion works like this you're missing the point and will never get far.

>>7113 I felt similar for some time. Now I feel like things are changing. I had many hypotheses of why I was like that and now I think I've come to find the truth. The truth is rather insane though: I think what made me who I am is the immense existential dread that I was feeling. The dread of the Earth and the Universe inevitably dying. This is my core emotion, it seems, and in the last years I was detached from it. In the beginning it felt rather pleasurable, perhaps even like an enlightment of some sort. But this was a false enlightment, it only brought diminishment of my life force and all feelings and emotions. So here I am. I realized this and now I'm trying to elevate that feeling, elevate the dread. My life force is returning. Yes, all of this sounds insane. I'm not sure of I'm not horribly wrong. I highly not recommend following me. I'd say the point of this post is to show that the truth of how your psyche works might be dark, unbelievable and only available to you and only you.

>>7113 I was thinking about making a thread called "How to cultivate compassion for fun and profit" with essentially the same topic. I've got a little method I've been trying. People fail to comprehend the scale of tragedies. The obvious counter would be to get better at comprehending how large numbers are. An opportunity for a million people to live in a better way is hard to comprehend. If I imagine a cube growing by extruding a copy of itself through one of it's faces, I can visualize the doubling process. If the resulting double-long shape doubles twice more in the same way along the neglected dimensions it can return to a cube shape in three steps. If I want to visualize the scale of the number "1 million" it isn't that far off from 2^20. I can get to 2^18 in 6 3-step-cycles of repeatedly visualizing a cube shape growing and reach 2^20 in two more steps. I think this might work better if you change the color a little at every step of the extrusion. Another issue is that I can easily imagine that many of those 1 million people are not people I could relate to or care for if I met them in person. I prefer to mentally visualize a smaller number that feels more persuasive, like a 10x10x10 cube (or just about a 2^10 in three cycles plus one extrusion) and convince myself that I would care for one out of every thousand people of the million if I knew them truly. I mentally separate these cubes into smaller cubes to visualize the volume more accurately, like a 10*10*10 into 8 5*5*5 sub-cubes or a 3*3 of 3*3*3 cubes with an extra layer on three adjacent sides. I have been visualizing rejoicing. I have been mentally generating varied images of playful young women to fit every cube of the lattice. I'm not sure why I find it easier to care for how women feel but I don't think it would be efficient to change that part of my self. I should probably contrast these images with something, like a bad ending if I don't help these people exist how they should be able to. I don't find visualizations of pain/suffering that motivating because I don't feel a lot of physical pain. I think I will be better off trying to visualize hopelessness; getting fat, aging or rotting away and how much it is like kicking dead whales down the beach to lose your spark, to be consumed by your neuroses, addictions or regrets.