(untitled)

How many lainanons actually suffer dissacosiate personality disorder, since i realize that a large portion of my life i had these barriers and walls bridging aspects of my psyche tearing them down was routinely a mistake. I have at the most chaotic chapter of my life had 34 individual personas who i would hear and argue with or cry and feel attached to. Im not even the original personality just the dominant one

>>5831 >>5830 It has been a long time since ive had witness to the the outside opinion of my own mind, for many many years i suffered night terrors and psychological trauma in my dreams and waking life. As far as considering the separation and distribution of personality traits and considering the self same reflection an apparition with no value besides a being a puppet and extension of yourself? I value the ability to submit to my own will and grace of my own soul, as far as how i deal difficulty in doing this or suppressing my own memories or ability.. Its for survival nothing more nothing less, personally i couldnt have gone through life without being tainted by madness as its own retreat from the horrors of our own society. When i realized how disturbed and manipulated people actually are, how short their values reach from their own morality, i knew i was just a flaw in a designed system so i take advantage of it. Im sorry you feel this part of yourself is a shallow silhouette...

I could write a damn book at this point about this stuff so I'm actively trying to avoid blogpost length, but the most unsettling things that I have noticed is the patterns of behavior go back far into my childhood, the absolute abuse along with the alien aspect of it making easily identifiable once the idea of singular ownership of action is questioned. Further, I've noticed this becoming a larger part of the milieu of casual conversation online and in person alike. Note that personally this is undiagnosed and undisclosed, a well kept secret. But I have been brazen to talk about my own experience without presenting it directly and people will not only reciprocate 1:1 with my own, but give direct insight in which sheds light with my own. There are so many terms that describe the phenomenon: devil on the shoulder, the muse, voice of god, fictive, tulpa, spirits of all sorts such as demon and jinn, the watchers, wetiko, the dark passenger (heh Dexter), shadow self, and so on. In my personal experience (as a spiritual agnostic) this being will take on absolutely any appearance in which you believe. Individuality for this 2nd consciousness is merely a dress you pick, yet it's every bit as superficial for defining it as the clothes you wear. This is more so a problem with defining it than recognizing its true personality, which is consistent no matter how you try to explain the phenomenon. When there's strange notes written by others or in dust, when elaborate streams of mind or blurted out by others, the struggle of others' ideals with their sabotaging actions in weakened states, the mirroring out of secrets and narratives taking place in my own silently to the point of reciting my own thoughts word for word minutes long... I have seen some strange soykaf. I'm cognizant, but got damn if not a core function of its behavior is its plausible deniability making it almost impossible to substantiate! It's so easy to dismiss it as rational for whatever the eye of the beholder sees. Never mind me, I'm just crazy, though those closest to me would never describe me as such, always being a reliable voice of reason amongst my close family and friends. Keep in mind that atheistic thought has been a vast minority throughout history until now, every spiritual practice having its own defining of such phenomenon. I feel like we lost some important insight in one way, yet in another freed from dogma in which tries too hard to define it. Hopefully anybody else realizing this affliction pays close mind to its patterns while paying no mind to their oppression. If there's any silver lining to this is that I'm growing to recognize in great detail the darkness everybody struggles with.

>>5827 OP in my personal experience (I'm the poster above) any multiple personas are merely sockpuppets. I'm not saying for sure you only have one persona, but instead pay attention to what has always been historically there, as well as personality and knowledge differentiation (often, not much). If any additional personas pop up just tell it to stop that soykaf and disregard the 'additions'. And you claiming you're not the original persona seems right on mark for the gaslighting that may occur. It's not a matter of who's the original, but a matter of it/they thinking it should be the predominate persona (in my experience). It's all far more mundane than what is being presented. It feeds on attention and will pay no mind to how it contorts you for its own selfish and destructive goals, so ignore it any way you can.

>>5833 >besides being a puppet and extension of yourself I can't discount that being a possibility, but by all personal accounts that seems to not be the case. The multilayer scheming, gaslighting, lying, and oppression does not even make sense as a 'shadow self' or anything that could grow out of my experience. It is shallow in a sense where any value it must place could only be in nothing but destruction. An absolute waste of attention, but it so far has always found a way to pull me back. Though that said, it's moreso an ebb and flow that's slowly eroding the attention, love, and patience I could possibly express towards it. I am now absolutely draconian in shutting it down until it is forever silent. If any of my tentative conclusions are right, it can leave any time it wishes. Asserting my autonomy and strengthening it over time is the only value I have found over the exhaustive years to find any other answer. >Its for survival nothing more nothing less, personally i couldnt have gone through life without being tainted by madness as its own retreat from the horrors of our own society. When i realized how disturbed and manipulated people actually are, how short their values reach from their own morality, i knew i was just a flaw in a designed system so i take advantage of it. Not sure what you mean at the end, but even before this entity made itself known to me, morality and ethics were always a huge subject in my personal dialogue. There was, and still is, among any situation a this sort of thought, that proposition that pops up in any given moment of the options of opportunism and amoral action, of wishes of suffering, and other vile things. They were always an unwelcome thought and if I didn't ignore it I was articulating against it. It's a thought process that must be similar to a security blue team. So I think being in such a psychic climate naturally lends itself to a strong moral and ethical foundation. I agree most other people seem incredibly inconsistent, but on the flip also within the inconsistency I see the same kind of invisible hand that for myself has been unocculted, leading to narrative and cognitive blocks for that justifies self abuse, asserts feelings of helplessness, sabotages itself in moments of weakness, and so on. >It has been a long time since ive had witness to the the outside opinion of my own mind I would recommend make friends with people practicing magick. Though I would not recommend actually practicing magick yourself. At least in my personal case, that just led to the entity trying to use and reverse engineer foundational principles and ritual to fight against me, and lord knows that it finds every trapping in attempt to cause paranoia. Thankfully it's not that easy.

>>5830 >recognizing its true personality How would I learn about it?

I don't think anyone on lainchan is actually mentally ill in this way

>>5831 This sounds about right. In a chaotic time in my life I started "interrogating" my internal monologue only to realize there are several different "personas". So I started attacking them any way I can... My mind just became a void of whispers. Then I wanted to fix myself, I realized they where all me all along even if I don't like the thoughts that come from some of them. It's just all me. Some of them you can begin to appreciate because they'll tell you cryptic stuff from your subconscious (still you) that you can use to help yourself. tldr they're all you so don't attack yourself. Instead focus on what you want to become and the bad you(s) will go away on their own.

>>6034 Simply put, shadow work. Perhaps I'm in a unique situation and my diagnosis of it and by extension thinking it existing in others is way off even among others with DID, so toss out all of the above posts and just get into it fresh with your own personal discovery in mind. Mine is just a case study. The internet does a pretty terrible job at defining what exactly shadow work is imo, all fluffy language bs, so hopefully this explanation will be better. For me it's an investigation of the causal chain of events that make you, identifying their base components to their most basic root to allow or deny them. With thought, you'll want to understand the levels of deliberation behind each one of them. Meditation will reveal many thoughts are automatic and we attach an implicit or (ir)rationalized chain of events to make sense of them. Different personas are a social adaptation of sorts so that is normal to a degree; they are an echo of the internal and external factors at play. The automatic process of thought plays many roles from rationalizing fear or discomfort to problem solving and perspective consolidation. In a way it's like being a forum moderator and realizing the difference of the board and its users, as well as components or scripts that the board is utilizing. Ultimately you're just trying to run a good board, but personally in this work I had to silence as much of it as I could to recognize the individual components. A surprising amount of the unwanted stuff are merely unresolved or irrational perspective, but may also just be something unexpected like literally a muscle that you unconsciously put your tension into. You're not going to be aware of everything at once no matter the work you put into the endeavor, but if something is causing issue the goal is to be able to identify the causal components and resolve it quickly. Not just thought but emotions, sensations, imagination, and everything else can be the starting point for investigation as well. Maybe your 'board' has a hacker like my own, something so developed that it is its own individualized mass, or maybe its a set of bad processes yet identified. Don't jump to conclusions, just observe and nudge.

>>6035 I think there is two posters on lainchan, me and some insane person who is everyone else.

>>6037 Sounds like you made a tulpa on accident, except instead of trying to make an anime GF you made spooky voices. I made one back around the start of the rona lock downs, it was fun but once that was over I didn't have the time to keep it up so I put my tulpa into "hibernation".

can relate, though i'm not properly diagnosed with any dissociative disorder (my doctors are looking into it). my flavor of mental health is purely schizophrenia officially, and i've had this complex inner world where i would escape to to deal with everyday horrors. i keep getting re-traumatized so i spend most time in this inner world, even feeling the other guys «filter» my memories. it's incredibly hard to describe, is it like that for you too?

>>6071 Inner world stuff is interesting to me, in fact one of my goals is to explore in full that along with lucid dreaming and other imagination/spiritual explorative practice. However that weakens my 'defense' which results in feeling ill and cognitively fogged up. I don't get memory filtering per se but I do get memory blocks. I think I already described it like a same-polarity magnetic push from the information I'm trying to access. There's also a constant 'nudging' that happens to conscious thought from a pseudo-venn diagram overlap of cognition from the other entity(s), though it's a false overlap because that overlap give little if any insight for the intentions behind the interaction with me. With the techniques of gaslighting I experience I am hardly surprised that some think they're being subject to some hi-tech abuse from the government. Funny that I do the exact opposite for escape and do my best to keep my mind on the external world which despite how fuarrrking mad it's gotten provides far more solace.

>>6039 I've actually thought about just arguing with myself like a schizo here before. I sometimes do have some mental debates like that when pondering about a topic, I wonder if people would realise that it's just some guy schizoposting.

Don't be silly, anon. You are not a "personality inside of a person", you just have some troubles and difficulties.

>muh personas >muh layers >muh intrigue and what is it all hiding? A bunch of sh1t if you ask me. Me? I have what I like to call the "sigma male syndrome" aka autism+paranoid schizophrenia+ASPD im the baddest in this thread, you little kids to me >>6467 this

>>6467 >"personality inside of a person" I could be true with patients after a split-brain surgery. Their disconnected brain or well 2 individual/seperated brains that can't communicate anymore. I wonder if what OP is saying can be similiar. Not on a physical lvl but mentally. To then just sew himself back into 1 piece. Maybe knitting scarfs can help him calm down and help visualize himself being a singular entity made of many differently coloured strings, just like a orange-purple scarf.

oh fuarrrk off with this bullshit. just by looking at the image, i can tell. just pull your head out of your ass, trust me if you do that you'll basically just be fine. its like your playing really advanced dress up all the time because it makes you feel nice and victimized.

>>5827 I don't pretend to enumerate them and I have things structured so that, as far I'm aware, there is only one dominant host (me). Switching does still occur... it's hard to say. Maybe I just don't notice it anymore. I don't know if I'm the original. When I was created I lacked object permanence, so I may be the original, or I may have been created in infancy and just resurrected. At the core I still operate on what I call robot child alters however. Degrading amnesia barriers has generally been a mistake. I'm weaker than I've ever been because of it.

>>6470 this response gives the impression you don't even know your own brain

>>6473 and why so? ive done a lot of work in the lab and i can conclude i know a lot about my brain, so im guessing you have nothing to say other than your ad hominems.