brain dump logs

the consciousness writing thread is inspiring. here's one with a few tweaks! Rules: - before writing your own, you must read and give some kind of response to 2 other lainons brain dumps. This will make the thread feel less like throwing message bottles into the ocean. - After giving responses, mention a bit about what type of dump you're going to do (more on that below) then set a timer and write your own dump! - love lain Types of dumps: Feel free to make up your own, but there are three types I'd like, and one I don't. Types I would like to see: -" word scrying": enter a state of trying to generate words and type them. Grammar actively discouraged. This probably works better with shorter amounts of time, maybe 3 to 5 min. Example: apple banana nuke love sex fun eat cake brain scry scry love lain bottle can look world all too much don't do fun fun fun leaves sun information system carrot cake k-on moe sky breath ground weight - "inner monologue": Assuming you have an internal monologue, let it run and try to type it out. If you don't normally have an internal monologue, try to generate one. It may be helpful to generate an internal dialog. Focus on a specific topic is fine but mention that you are doing it. You will find that your thoughts are faster then your typing. Its fine to either try to slow down your thoughts, or to just cut off whenever you get behind your thoughts. I'd recomment putting in something to mark these breaks like ".." or "asdf". 5 to 15 minutes is probably good for this one. Example: So here we are again typing things out I always start with that ising .. thers a lamp on my ..I don't know why I want to do anything at all. but I do I really do. I like the beauty I see but I don't like the uglyness. I guess that's obvious I mean beauty and ugly and good and bad and words like that are what is used for ppointing ath that sentimient. The I like it thing and the I don't like it thing.. like like hate hate. I really like the aesthetic of wires all every which way. I don't knkow how to spel aesthetic. like look of something. I should just say look anyway such a better word. remember to breathe you! I really like the look of trees too there's something similar in the chaotic pattern of branches looking for light and cables looking for connection. - "meditation": start a kind of clear mind meditation such as focus on breath. when you find your mind wandering write a brief note on what it wandered to and return to focusing on your breathing. Newer meditators may want to set a 10 min timer because their minds will wander more, while those with more experience may want to do 30 min. If you find you're typing too much feel free to stop recording smaller thoughts that don't stay for long. Example: music I have on is nice. The thoughts bubbling up used to feel like clouds now they seem like glitches flashing in and being dropped. Clicking, music, sounds of roommates. How should I think about explanations and recommendations for lainons to do this. Thinking about my future plans, accidentally tried to amplify the thoughts so I had something to type about instead of dropping and focusing on breathing. What really is wrong with that way of doing this I don't like... the curation eh? The type I don't want here is "narrative device". This is when you think of a story, could be a story of something you really did even just now to generate the example, and then you spend the time conscientiously creating a stream of consciousness that you or your created character would have had during the story. The difference that this is imagining and creating a mind dump, rather than actually trying to dump the contents of your mind as they currently are. So it would be ok to create a mental realm and try to do something in it and dump your thoughts as you're doing so, but it would not be ok to create a mental realm and try to do something in it and then afterwards carefully wright what you think you thought while you were doing it. I hope that makes sense. Thank you for visiting lainchan and this thread!

OP here, I'll actually do a full brain dump here now to help get started. First my reading and responding, but there's only OP so I guess I'll respond to myself twice >>5447 Good idea for a thread OP! I like that your scrying included "cake" and "k-on" those are pretty great. >>5447 Jeeze OP that's a lot of writing, do you really expect anyone to read all that? I agree it would be fun if they did but I don't think it's gonna happen. Now for my brain dump. I'm going to visit one of the mindscapes I've slowly developed over time and do an internal monologue dump while there. I'll do 10 min. Here goes: This is a place I come to sometimes. I always start here with the old stone well in a little meadow to my right. the path throught the trees leads to the stone castle ahead on the edge of the cliff overlooking the ocean. To the left there is a long sandy beach and to the right there is a lot of paths and rooms carved into the cliff face. Benind me the forest extends out as far as you can see I've looked out at it from the top of the stone castle but I've never gone in to explore it. I guess I'll start heading to the castle through the path. I usually just jump or fly there. Impatience. But I'll try walking today. I almost heard the birdds chirping but it was more a sentiment that they were there than actually hearing them. The light shining from the right looks pretty coming through the leaves, but I find it very hard to forget myself in one position while moving to another. I don't think my body is fully in thes world. I'll try looking at my feet and make sure they are on the ground and moving. It's really hard to do while typing. Ok feet see em... there pick up right foot put it forward. fuarrrk gravity isn't working properly I'm never going to get to the castle like this. ok whatever I don't need a body I'll just take on the form of a ghost or something. I hope I don't scare anyone. Yeah ok floating is a bit easier... ehh but it's more like following a 3rd party ghost on the trail while actually being a ghost 30 meters behind and a bit above. well I give up. I'll just go visit the trail halfway between where I spawn in and the castle. It goes down a little bit curving off towards teh beach. I bet there's a trail branching off. That would be a good place. Ok. I'm at the crossroads. The trail from the well leads straight to the castle and the trail to the beach ehh the trees leaves are nice and green. I don't think i've ever seen this place in winter. It's kinda really tiring trying to stay focused this long. I don't know I don't kown I don'e know I might have ADHD I might have boredom with stupid nonsense and try to do things with my mind that are interesting and most people do not try to do. Ahhhh such conceit. Done! Ok. that was a lot more tiring than I thought it was gonna be and ten minutes made it soooo long! If I do another one I'll make it 5 min.

>>5448 I'll bite. I posted in the other thread too. I like your mindscape but I don't think I'm as visual as you. I'll do another because writing is cathartic. >>5447 I like the concept as being dissociated from the ramblings in the other bread. Interpret stream of consciousness all you guys want but for it to be a direct interpretation of physicality seems like a missed opportunity for a boat ride, so to speak. _ Heroine doped eyes and a love letter like the kiss you blow out a candle with; That girl's dead now and it's been two years. I guess I left her wanting. But how many 17 year olds do you know on methadone? We grew up in overgrown alleys, and where grass touches sky there's always so much hiding. The ground is a crutch. We need it because we're afraid. A pallet of stone paints the horizon of grid paper, the insinuation of design while the sun laughs behind those cold walls. Bleeding through, caressing soft shadows, the false dusk allotted by fear. 50 stories tall with your back to the window. Fear is grounding. And I guess that's comfortable, 6 walls and something to eat, but I'm not guessing anymore. Like relying on uncertainty was ever stable ground to begin with. Children shouldn't grow up hungry but it makes one hell of a soldier. And a hungry soldier gets paid.

>>5448 I find the concepts of nurturing a mindscape quite novel for me but hard to understand, however It appears people are working on software to bring ease of use for creating these mindscapes through virtual reality. seems really cool to me because outsourcing the cognitive strain / lack of ability to do such things to software may make it easier to exploit mnemonic devices like method of loci. Cool Post >>5450 anon this post is sobering, Being young and having touching experiences like that combined with the ambiance and atmosphere you provide, it reminds me of the experiences I've gone through and there definitely is a beautiful novelty of what we could possibly agree as quite a situation that inherently is maladaptive and fuarrrked up, maybe an escape, but the way I interpreted it as more of a push to "grow up". and now that we're older the reflection is somber, unique to us as individuals, yet also something that we have to cope with. this dump is going to be just the contents my consciousness spilled out, the goal in this is not to redact as much as I can, but I think it is quite reasonable to. Starting the timer now: Alright so one thing I notice is the organization of our minds are quite different, we go through erratic streams of through and sometimes bounce from tangent to tangent, thoughts emerge and they sometimes flow uncontrollably, however I really appreciate stoicism and the goal to develop a well ordered mind, infact I think it is pivotal to mental health and improvement. our habits are infact tied to our identity and while a static self may not exist, in my opinion the images that we have that exist in this discrete snapshots of time, which unfortunately arn't retrievable due to the loss of information by the atrophy of our memories or the loss of data. I am reminded of Dr.K's interview with Reckful and also the poster above dealing with loss. something we all have to come to terms with is loving these past images of ourself, Agh thoughts just on the subconscious emerge and like they don't enter my mental vernacular but you can feel them emerge. quite honestly I went through a moment where I could only describe it as a complete loss of the ego barrier, and by that the inability to differentiate the fact that consciousness is encapsulated inside us as individuals and rather could only frame outsiders as one collective entity, looking in on this trying to see how that applied to myself, and well kinda looking into the future looking though the previous thread. imagine having all of these poster’s thoughts and their streams of consciousness and the underlying subconscious disturbances and also the attitude and dispositional shifts integrated into your mind, quite honestly I see it as pure chaos. however, one thing I think about is if someone at some absurdly later date used these mental streams of consciousness as a substrate to create artificial consciousness. and it got me thinking how wild the internet is. like going straight to serial experiments lain. lain is this entity that is an amalgamation of all this data and soykaf. sci-fi-esque we probably are going to have a time where it's up to discretion to tap into mediums of expression and thought that truely challenge the ideas of self that exist or really what humanity is comprised of in this post information age. another thing that is wild to me is how radicalized peoples beliefs become through social media, also entertainment. infact the whole thing about attention spans decreasing due to the I guess market deciding that ... attentional market trend towards extremely atomized media with rapid jump cuts speaks towards the mental health of the present society. severely tangential and needed to be driven by the motor of dopamine stimulus. infact how many of you people here read whitepapers or long form media. not a flex but I feel this community attracts people who are able to have to mental fortitude to go through long form media. and honestly it cultivates. outta time

>>5448 This is a really cool thread OP, I love the whole concept overall and it's pretty cool you already have ur own type of braindump place you can visit, very visual >>5450 I wonder if this is personal lainon? Like you've been in this place before?

>>5462 Scurry, hurry, pitter, patter, drops on a surface, what am I even doing? My brain doesn't seem to be the best when operating anything or understanding anything, but I'm trying, I'm just trying. Why is the only thing I can do is try? I stand in fields for 1 to 2 hours, laying there, why do I do this, that neighbor over there just looks at me weird, a young adult just wasting their life laying in a field, "that's strange, what a weirdo", they must thing, laying, staying, all to be ever forbaying? Forbaying? What does this even mean? My words like to rhyme, for whyme? Me? Do I just like the words moving around and centered around me, am I so self observed that I am the one to be standing in the field and sitting, sitting and standing, sitting and standing, why, why, why, what is my brain doing, I repeat and am lost, I am lost, but where am I, I don't know, my brain has since given up thought on where I am, I am broke, I am free, I am, insane? Insane? A word which grants laughter, laughter, laughter, why do people laugh and weirdly mock, edgy, edgy, edgy, that word repeats in my head, expression, expression, expression, why, why, why, why, I don't know, is this just anxiety? Constant anxiety? Constant worry, constant unknowing? Constant moving? Constant, just constant, RAGHHhhh, my head screams, my head screams, and I don't know why it screams, I can't chill, i'm in the field, i'm in the field, i'm in the field... why am i in the field..... i can't relax.... there's nothing i worry about anymore, i think constantly of my end, like a stoic and what I've read in meditations, the constant reminder of death, it is not calming, the stoics they are calm by the reminder they will die, I am calm and ready to die, but, am I even living? Living? What am I to live? Why am I to live? Why, why, why? What is this? Why am I even reading, I don't even understand what I'm reading, my brain is on fire, I am burning on a real hot wire, I am teleporting, I am moving, I am here, then I am near, why, why, it's only been 3 minutes since typing this out and I feel like I've looped at least 20 times. Why, why, why, did I do this for 15 or 10 minutes? I just, don't know, this is the only response I feel from myself anymore, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, they ask me if I know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, no one's asking me if I know, but they assert I must know, I don't know, can't you leave me alone, i don't know, meat space, just meat space, why am i even in meat space i shouldn't be in meat space, who says I shouldn't? Me? but why am I here? I want to meet all heavenly noises, but when the slow piano stops, the sounds of drums and pipes began to be banged, why, why, instead of getting slow jazz, thrown into a hellish world of jungle and constant moving, I'm not listening to music, these are the noises I here, and since on moving from myself, I've moved to the sounds nearby, someone is playing a game near me, this is what i remembered when i sat in that field, i became nothing but the field, headphones out and nothing in, this is the schizo i've read about? i can't be a schizo, i don't want to be a schizo, but why am in the field with everything, my vision sees nothing but constant just, dots, why am i seeing dots, my vision is so constantly screwed I see dots everywhere flying from place to place, i hate seeing these dots but there's nothing i can do about them like the phlegm I get in my throat after touching a cat and the persistent scratching on my hand like I've gotten a hint of the plague from a cat, well not the plague, whatever illness causes one to itch I wonder what other lainons will thing as I dump my brain on the floor, oozing liquids of brain juice for them all to slurp up and look at, my brain juice is everywhere for you, I am now at the handle of being judged, the handle of being judged, imagine putting ur hand on something, and being judged, and this object is a handle, just a stick you grab, it's like wearing a dunce cap, and letting everyone know you're a dunce, but instead, it's posting on the internet, at least, no one knows who i am here, and I'm happy with that, and rather than being judged to the public, I'm a coward in the shadows, happiness in nothingness, nothingness in happiness, I end here

>>5463 those dots are your white bloodcells :)

>>5470 Holy soykaf I didn't know that, that's something else, I wonder why I got white bloodcells moving through my eyeballs all the time damn

>>5463 I really liked the way you wrote all this lainanon, good job! >>5451 >I am reminded of Dr.K's interview with Reckful and also the poster above dealing with loss. I tried to find the interview you were writing about but I found nothing. Can you please provide a link? Alright so here I go.. I've been obsessed with the image the world had before we homo sapiens showed up. All those landscapes filled with beau, untouched by the filthy hands of what we call a civilisation, all those creatures that roamed this earth , flew in her skies and swam in her pure waters. Planet earth is our mother, yet we hurt her so badly, without any remorse of what's going to become of her. Civilisation isn't inheretly a bad thing, but the way majority of people lead it, it becomes a destructive machine. I wish I could go outside, in a world where cars are not everywhere, where the ear is trully clean, in a world where trees are everywhere. I remember the times when I lived in a small town, I still visit it, but I had, more like I was forced, to move out of it. There the birds chirped clearly and loudly, the wind had no trace of car emissions, and the trees spreaded wherever they pleased.I miss it so much... Paleontology had a place within my heart from when I was a little kid, but now I'm absolutely crazy on it,

>>5477 https://youtu.be/LZVTbFuZrNw

>>5477 Nice numbers. I used to feel the same way about the forest. Princess mononoke, "if we kill all the humans the forest can survive"... but I think I had been given an idealized notion of the forest. When I actually learn about and think about the forest, and try to feel empathy for it, it's in a lot of pain. Not just because of our polution. It's natural state is pain. Generative machines pushing into each others space, killing one another in reprehensible brutal ways, either without really knowing, or while feeling great pleasure in it. Unthinking processes finding strategies to steal the sunlight needed by other unthinking processes. I don't think humanity is ok, but I don't think the forest was ok before it made us either. I'm hopeful that sometime in the future, for the first time ever, the world can be good, but I'm not even sure it's possible to harmonize the forest with itself. I'm not sure if the very concept of doing so would destroy it. >>5463 Mmmm. Tasty brain juices! Slurp slurp! lol... I identify with this a bunch. I used to spend time lying on the ground watching clouds in my early 20s. I used to get into states where by the time I finished a sentence in my mind I had lost track of the start of it. Total incoherence painful mornful scary. Meditation helped, and keeping a journal. A journal brings me comfort when I'm feeling incoherent. I can look at it and know my mind is not always like this. Sometimes it is capable of holding and working with beautiful and complex structures. You may also have anxiety and ADHD. If you can I encourage you to look into professional help. Though I've never had much luck with that myself. May lain bless you. Time spent staring at your mind is not wasted. ... Ok, here I go. I'm going to do 5 min of random word generation! ptootie macadamia bar nuts drink drink booze lol canteraankerous fallen salvador emergent generative texture repurpose antibody falootin lombrandent tackity fickity boo dumb fun eat breath stabalize internalize externalize become change live die process machine machine state state transition form energy information processing bunny wolf economy dew drops bugs astral projection unclean yeasts living in the air lamp copper mine equipment bulldozer bullshit funny language enhancer lain love love psudononymous masquarade charade arcade cascade

>>5479 Thanks a lot, I appreciate it!

>>5480 I'm glad you enjoyed it! I might have those things, but I'm overall doing fine which matters, I do appreciate the care though, and yeah I used to journal things but stopped, I still do sometimes, but rarely, it's fun to do

>>5463 Anon... Are you okay ? >>5477 I really like this. It reminds me of the movie time machine >>5447 Sinking into the lake of despair, shame and guilt. A new thought rushes upon me. Be yourself it said. Be yourself but what does it mean to be myself? My soul is chaos. To be myself is to be chaotic but at the same moment the world is chaos. To be like others is to be chaotic thus here I live. Do not know what I am or what I must become.

>>5480 Texture, Drink, Stabilize, Internalize, Transition, Energy, Information, Astral Projection, Language, Enhancer, Equipment, Masquerade, Breathe, Live, Die, Process. Those were the words that stood out to me. Makes me think of who I am, who I want to be, what I want to have. Thanks for sharing. >>5477 I try to explore places near the city I live in to catch a glimpse of what you write about. It seems to me that enough people are starting to care, and enough people are making a change. Sometime in the future I might be able to enjoy clean air just by opening my window. Thanks for sharing. My turn - just going to type sometimes things connect sometimes they don't 5 minutes please! Beginning to think that this is more than just coincidence what tools will i carry with me what will stay what will go when stripped apart what will be allowed to take piece by piece from a magic want to an internal tool please dont let me go if we could ever forget but i dont want to a way to keep it all simplify everything in to a symbol learning what magic really is if its all real do you believe all the truths, the different point of views? maybe we could get through this together but I feel like we are running out of time community a false sense of running out of time brough from fear community what have you joined what have you done what connections have you made looking for another things laid about, forgotten how do the berries taste a new beginning from just running away time and dedication mixed with repetition answers so simple if only they didnt make me want to look away a long night walk a paranoia slowly creeping back nobody is chasing the simplest tool the simplest form getting the most out of one a simple power a new hope a new faith begin again but this time with an end

>>5447 I'll try to type with my internal monologue for a bit, starting now: when I normally try to capture my internal monologue through means of typing or writing it normally ends in me carefully trying to articulate my words which is really annoying because it stops me from thinking because I'm too focused on trying to make my sentences grammatically and verbally pleasing. Listening to some Metallica (Creeping Death for anyone interested) I should probably stop listening so I can actually focus on my thoughts for a little. The switch from loud high quality FLAC music to silence is so odd, the silence is really deafening because everything is mixed so well in the music; and then everything becomes a sudden bland silence. Now I'm having a glance over other peoples responses to OP and they seem a lot more sporadic than mine, maybe I'm doing this wrong? Whatever this is very relaxing, therapeutic in a way, it feels weird actively writing my internal monologue because it's usually something you forget about within a few minutes or hours, depending on how important or relevant the thought was, so it's odd being able to just read back on what I was thinking a few minutes ago. Reading other posts now, seems like they are sharing ideas and almost venting in a way, which is probably what I should be doing, maybe I'll do another one of these and share my thoughts on some things, although I feel that is probably not the theme of this thread. Unsure.

Been reading through this thread for a couple days now and this might just be what I need >>5463 this was an incredible read and I've been thinking about it since I saw it. "my head screams" also, not in the sense that I can actually hear screaming in my head, per se, but sometimes I can sort of sense the feeling of screaming. I don't know if that makes sense or not -- either way I hate it and I understand what you mean lainon. Very chaotic, very well spoken, and a very close representation of how I've been feeling lately. I second the other lain that recommended you seek some sort of professional guidance -- remember that there are many types of therapy/counseling/etc. and a lot of the people offering these services will gladly sit with you and discuss the best type(s) to look into for your particular case, even if that means referring you to someone else instead. >>5480 your word scrying actually resonates with me very heavily, I've been wanting to get back into a hobby of mine but it's been hard to find enjoyment in it lately. This brought back a lot of nice memories for me, thank you! Okay.. I think I'm going to try an internal monologue dump for ~10 minutes, starting now: ive been thinking a lot about this lately, trying to think of ways to make my mind wander again like it used to. ive been really reserved lately and im not entirely sure why, things have just been rough and things are super incredibly slow at work lately so ive been feeling really unaccomplished for not doing as much. maybe im looking too far into things but im just not sure where im going at the moment, like i had things under control and suddenly the wheels have fallen off the car and im hovering, i dont have a pilots license man i wasnt ready for this. its like i feel stuck maybe, i dont know, ive been really anxious and my tics are getting worse and these meds are just amplifying all of it. i go back next month at least to tell them they arent working, but i dont know if theyre going to want to put me on different ones and at this point i just wanna go back to being me and dealing with my own soykaf alone and being fine about it like before. i dont know why or when i stopped just being fine about things, but its a skill that i wish i still had. or maybe it was never a skill, i dont really know. i just miss at least pretending things didnt bother me. i know thats unhealthy, stop trying to do unhealthy things, you fuarrrking idiot, and i tell myself that every day but here we are. still me, still on the spiral, riding the spiral? down. hm. i remind myself of my ex now. i dont think i meant that. i have a lot of things that need done, but i cant get around to doing them lately. a big one is texting my friends back, if i can still call them friends even. its been months. im not sure why i keep running this cycle but its very tiring sometimes. speaking of that, ive been tired lately, physically, thats weird. i havent been doing a lot. i guess that could be why, but i dont know. things are confusing even when theyre simple now. should i go? what does that mean? theres not really anywhere to go, when i think about it, kind of like a ferris wheel and you're stuck at the top. sometimes you forget about it, but everyone has to look down at some point. running out of time. i feel like ive led this, led, lead? l-e-a-d? no. led. l-e-d? those are so expensive now. i used to make cool soykaf with those almost every day and now i dont and i dont know why, sure i cant buy new ones now but i have so many lying around that still work. i guess i should probably do that soon. but theres already a massive list of things to do soon i figure it probably shouldn't get bigger now, i already dont have enough time, speaking of time oh soykaf only 16 seconds. hm. too much going on. out of time, not really happy with it, but i suppose that's kind of the point. might come back when my head's a bit clearer

I am fond of braindumps. Good thread

Braindumps are a input stream of words. The words that stream from my brain stem from interactions of the senses that were inputted since birthing. The senses externally from this are thoughts, said thoughts convey truth by merely existing as said thoughts bounce off other said thoughts, what is spoken is "said" although not much can be said for what is spoken is a output stream of human lies and degeneracy. Degeneracy exists as a counter to Order, it exists because it was injected into society at society's birth. Society is nothing more than the inner-mechanisms of the brain and can exist without a priori, the preposition of life is truth which is verified by falsity. So with all that being the case yes, plushies are better companions. - On the subject of plushies, they are primordial to those of us who felt the warmth of plushies and cling to them rather than human form. Human form is flawed because we desire perfection, we never desire perfection from plushies because we understand plushies more than we understand the notations of a brain, as spoken from a child, when I started treating people like plushies most of them left me, but I had amassed strange "acquaintances" whom sought the truth, the truth being a dirtied and raped;murdered;rotting;soykafted existence mended with one that is beauty and everything that is. - The sudden shift of tonality, one which twisted into anger as more words streamed in. It's the sense of madness that binds humanity together. Everyone is in->sane as in they are in their own sanity. We love our pattern recognition abilities as if they are as important than our sensory organs, that is forgetting what humanity is and more into what demonity is. - I am typing these passages as a ghost, do not listen to a single word I say they are all incorrect. If you follow this path you will reach death very soon.

>>5614 hope ur ok lainon, wishing the best my ghostly friend

OP here. Thank you all for visiting my thread, it seems some ppl are just posting brain dumps without responding to others, so I remind: PLEASE REPLY TO 2 OTHERS BEFORE MAKING YOUR OWN BRAIN DUMP! Another thing, it's kinda nice to describe how you are brain dumping, but that's also self explanitory. Thank you. >>5524 The self is mediated by the self! It's impossible to be anything but the self, but at the same time, when someone says pass me the salt, while you are passing salt, are you you or them or somewhere inbetween. Salt passing is fine enough, but what about all these words? For most people every word they know was given to them by people who in turn got those words from others until the start. No matter who you are you don't really get to know who else you could have been better or worse. So don't worry about being true to yourself. Work hard and be kind and wish for good luck! I wish for good luck for you. >>5526 I like your lyrical poetical texture. I like your invocation of thoughts of magic and social bonds. I like the way the berries taste. >>5529 Your brain dump shoudl be easy to write, cause it's just an interaction with whatever is currently in your head and your keyboard or input. even asfoeifewha would be correct, so long as it is a interaction you are currently having with the current state of your mind. >>5542 I have thought about trying to get on perscription drugs, but I haven't done it yet. I wonder if I would be better off. I'm kinda affectionate toward my pathos. I don't want to see it go. Feeling like a happy healthy citizen would feel very wrong. I think it's healthy do do things that are unhealthy sometimes, but then again, I praise the chaos before chaos, the origin of hodge and podge alike. >>5602 Thank you auspicious lain poster! Ok, here I go with 5 min of internal monolog: As per usual I am now concious of not really trying to direct my mind to anything in particular. I like it though. No, not directing my mind. I like the thing that is all of everything. That it. umm but my heart pangs it says remember the thing you've forgotten. I don't know. Remember the thing you should be anxious about or feel bad about. You were supposed to be a better person who could keep track of all the things a better person could keep track of. But you always let somethign slide. pang. hummm... just breathing is nice. having forgiveness is nice. I like you for that you old abrahamic religion, but you know its a sordid thing. I wish I had a girlfriend but I'm not sure I really do wish that actually. It's always like that. Take it easy. I'm glad I don't really care about remembering who I am anymore. I've got one or two things written down that I'll try to preserve. One or two things I've been focusing on long enough that I'd like to keep focusing on them and make an artifact or two before I die. I think I am going to die too. Not like some of the transhumanists want, but we'll see.

>>5463 one thing i'm noticing is how those dumps forge words that have a meaning that feels like one can grok it , then can't really anymore after a double take. ie forbaying , for whyme. its probably obvious but it feels nice knowing other lainons have that too. your dump has its own feel, tends to get stuck in loops too, it gives it the feels and i like it. in comparison >>5451 is very organized, its very contrasting, >>5526 >simplify everything in to a symbol >learning what magic really is 10kloc emacs config. more seriously i really like how it sounds. this is a really interesting thread op i'm a little hesitant to do one because i have multiple inner monologues occuring at the same time and it'll feel like an uninviting slab of text.

>>5658 actually nvm, i'm doing it. before i start, given the serial nature of typing and my two-handed body i cannot type the whole output of my brain easily, so i'll try and stick to the following: text after *,** or *** means it's in the first, second or third inner monologue. it doesn't means they don't interact with eachother but they may also not. when i type something like 'pause' it means i haven't thought for more than ten seconds in a row. 9 minutes total. starting now: * This is sent through wires. **Yes *Have you considered how anybody can read this? **Yes *I see ***you might want to dodge a few thoughts *Thirty seconds. ***you're right. **mosquito. pause. have you considered putting a macro caret for that lisp interpreter thing? you wanted to experiment with it but don't seem like you're doing anything out of it other than some kind of emulator. ** how many *What does LUKS mean? **something something look it up ***2 minutes, 2 minutes and you've typed barely anything relevant and insightful; you could connect your neurons in meaningful ways or anything but you wish not to instead doing some kind of braindump here. **pause. is this the dmesg of the wetware? sounds insightful. *a macrocaret operates on the table-based AST my interpreter provides. it determines which element to access in which order in the array and could reorganize how **there's a mosquito. *do mosquitos suffer when they're sprayed with alcohol? do mosquitos suffer? **you sound like a complete fuarrrking idiot, violent nervous signals are pain, mosquitos probably have nerves. ***do mosquitos have nerves? note: mosquitos might not have nerves. what is the smallest thing that has nerves? what is the biggest nerveless thing? *pulsating neuron feedback, wetware cerebral semi-sensical epileptic patient community of seven billion. **have you considered those laws to dictate things recursively from world population to neuron behavior? *at least there aren't wars in my concrete brain. perhaps in my abstract thoughts but not in my spasm-ridden meat slab. ***drink the milk have you drank the milk yet *Six minutes **w<hy don't you learn c? i've learnt c. why don't i learn it further, ***this is like a cpu with three logical cores **don't you only know the basics? i don't know. do i want to? i don't know. perhaps to config unix stuff. c seems boring. i don't like strong typed languages. strong typed languages are annoying. low levelish languages like c are boring. **look seven minutes. is anything you're saying structured? is anybody g***pause. how do i change the keyboard layout for grub or the kernel before- **pause. ***wait did i change it? i don't remember if i typed my passphrase in qwerty or that layout. 8.5 mins. pause *build a hud later to wear you're losing and leaking memory itll help reminder ***i want to think *how do you disassemble a non mechanical thi

>>5659 zomg I really like this one. Dmesg is much closer to what these are than core dump, lol, I just really like the notion of a brain core dump. C is only if you care about hardware imo. Purists will say if you care about software you care about hardware, but layered black boxes are what make the machines so powerful. You dont need to know what's in your black boxes, just how to work them well. https://genent.cals.ncsu.edu/bug-bytes/nervous-system/ "Like most other arthropods, insects have a relatively simple central nervous system" This looks reputable. Most insight on pleasure/suffering I've got is from reading "the alignment problem" it addresses what it means to be a mind with motivations from a computational level. Mosquitos suffer, but their algorithm to calculate when to suffer is very simple.

>>5472 there's eye floaters (imo it's just dust) and there's the white bloodcells. I fired my last doctor for being rude about my expressed worries about these things in my field of vision once. I think the really cool thing about the white blood cells being visible is that they allow me to see the shapes of my corneal blood vessels. (and you know the "matrix rain" thing? I think that if you use your eyes in very disciplined ways, then those eye vessels would eventually take on the form of letters just to help you out even more, and then in a dark room with a classic green CRT glow.... what I mean to say is, I think they may be the "matrix rain" exactly.)

>>5657 Posting again thanks for making the thread enjoying reading what everyone has written. the posts get more meanings the more I read them. Replying to your post now: I find that the pain you describe sometimes means I have to change sometime about my self, get a new perspective. I also try to remember to use my tools so that the pain is lessened when it does occur. I don't know what type of death you are writing about but the need to make something before being rezzed in the material world is something I can relate to. What artifacts are you trying to make? Thanks for sharing >>5659 Enjoyed reading your post and the formatting was neato. I think that brain dumps are important for certain brain neurons its just that some parts of the self don't or can't see the value in them. Send me your hud when you're done with it. >>5526 first post here - going again Destroy something something destruction lately an empty floaty feeling a quick break into the emptiness so that hooks have time to detach more news something better than the others an empty work a grand transition floating calmly down the river styx the perfect multi-tool never be left alone again what do you do and what do you want to do if only it wasn't real crafting a dream but feel bad for escaping nothing is wrong everything can be repurposed but the hoarder lacks something only trying to make ends meet but the hole gets deeper exponential chances given take your time and train but feel like a failure again rise again we must kill something to be reborn we must let something die to be reborn violence is and isn't not sure of where and when out of something return to base and try again empty head no perfect answer

>>5659 Thanks for sharing btw

>>5659 Fascinating. You elucidated much of what is going on in this thread in general (imo) with your formatting. My favorite line: ***this is like a cpu with three logical cores They're all lovely but I gotta appreciate three star-san for this.

Haven't done one of these before, I'll set a timer for 10 min and just dump whatever comes to mind. I head empty many thoughts, why can't i tyep a sentence without making am istake lol, did i just think "lol" oh my god this is getting meta because I'm thinking about thinking about thinking about thinking. that oscilloscope gif banner is neato. i have so many projects to do, what is wrong with me, i felt a pang of nostalgia and it's gone, it reminded me of old lainchain, hup better not spill the soykaf. maybe im trying to hard to make my mumbo sound coherent in text, maybe i just close my eyes and let the words flow, like im doing wright now head empty ill try not to think anymore thoughts until the imter goes off or maybe that isnt the point, also why did I automatically just hit enter to go to new line, it doesnt make a lot of sense byut im just letting words flow i guess ill tyr harder not to let to confuse text apple i hear footsteps, i'm focussing too mcuh on my phical senses, there doesnt seem to be any capcity to actively imagien things mebbe i wont post this, it feels like a bad idea, why am i so feeling lately, i ddint used to feel things, it was all logical order order order backspace backspace mabye i should try and meditate more, i dont know if its worthwhjile donte ridicule me this reminds me of that time where i visualised in a meditative state and saw shadow people, hallicinated inf facet. story ofr another day eyeball apparently starbursts in your vision isnt a normal thing i feel alvive, i also dix that thing where i hit the enter again no i havent been to town i had a muffin earlier, lemon and poppy seed, ti was nice. is there time is running out, 2 minutes and 20 seconds, and counting time time time the clock goes tick tock, i should get a watch i should fix my watch love lain lain love lain sometimes i wish i was lain, then things mightn be so lonely all the time, i dont want to get doxxed aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa lego is weird, childish when did i open my eyes i opened my eyes lizard mark zuckerberg. i hope i did it right lains

>>5659 I want to know more about "macro caret" have you posted about it anywhere else? Why are you using a table based AST? AST is already a tree and trees are better than tables. >>5678 very poetical lol. I like "the perfect multi tool" and "what do you do and what do you want to do" ok, I'm doing 3 min of free association / word scrying cake always start cake banana nazuna vampire guitar dog dog bark bark night moon live wolf star hoshi ononoki sandwhich which? witch? kiki. irritation breathing water biological function process purpose shut the fuarrrk up you stupid fuarrrk fuarrrk irritation rage why tho fuarrrk fuarrrk fuarrrk fuarrrk fuarrrk leave me alone. table chair butt back spine gravity vodka lainchan

>>5447 I want to draw my dreams but it the computer is so far away from me the white walls feel like they're closing in on me I hate white walls I don't want to feel like I'm being watched or in a padded room the more I stay in that room I feel them closing in on me sometimes I feel grabbing a paint bucket and sloshing it everywhere would be best I want to draw girls with peirced faces but everytime I find out that my ideas were already claimed they are used they are taken I will always be a cheap copy of the people who used them first I want to draw my dreams but the tablet feels so far away. I"m caving in they're slowly trying to mold me your voice is too high now it's too deep. Your voice is too deep you sound like an old man go back please. I want to share my perfect form with everyone I want a perfect form that rejects god in many ways I want to share it with you. I feel my finger joining in with keyboard molding in I wish I could find out what the letters on my hands were that one day. Someone with no parts does not exist I don't kno why I get worked up over it.

>>5683 Good Brain Dump, interesting mix of free thoughts and introspective thoughts about thoughts. Remember to respond to other people >>5711 interesting rage in the middle, I think your post goes: food, night, food, biological survival vs purposeful living, internalized something, self reality. Thats what I got from it anyways. Thanks for sharing everyone The process for this one was think of a line then think of another line that makes thematical sense. I usually go until I can't think of anything Survivor in past lives Just need to get past these times They don't look down because they're understanders of mystery It's not just about survival Make sure you can make it past these lives Keep on keeping up Sink or swim don't matter when you learn how to breathe underwater Your ancestors understood history Make sure you have the good times You don't need to be perfect Just make sure by the end that it all would have been worth it Confusing in these times Surveying from tree lines Survived all the hard times Now live and you'll be fine It doesn't always get better but that doesn't mean you shouldn't feel better some bad times they die some bad times they fall Memories still concerned But now you know better carry your own weight You'll never get left behind You can only do as much as you do so let those outstretched hands guide and help you Just make it in these times

fuarrrk fuarrrk fuarrrk fuarrrk fuarrrk fuarrrking fuarrrk i dont wanna go to school its so fuarrrking boriing what the fuarrrk i just wanna fuarrrking die this soykaf is nothing everyone is fuarrrking annoying fuarrrk you fuarrrk you you fuarrrking fuarrrk why is nothing else coming to mind am i really that empty and unapealing i just want to be able to do anything but i cant its so fuarrrking boring i fuarrrking hate you i just woke up and im already hating everything around me stupid everything why cant i just be the fuarrrking way i want to be everyone is so fuarrrking annoying i want to killdie i have to stop myself before i just spam edgy soykaf cause its all thats in my mind at all fuarrrking times i cant just be happy i have to ruin it for myself i dont feel like ive said anything of substance ever it makes me just say nothing cause i feel as if every word that comes out of my mouth isnt genuine as if all i speak in is lies cause there is never any actual intrest in everything i say i like i just say i like it so that fuarrrking normal people leave me alone why cant i make fuarrrking friends now i was capable couple years ago but now everything is fuarrrking impossible people are scarry but also they annoy me with their stupid usless noise and chatter poluting the air with even more noise than there already is i just want to go home its so fuarrrking overwhelming there the lonelyness is all encompassing i dont even get bullied and i still want nothing to do with it avoid avoid avoid avoid go away go away go away go away fuarrrking piece of soykaf ffuck you

regret regret geret geret gret regret regteet gregrette refgretegjiwhgiuwuigerhfwirewig cringe cringe cringe cringe cringe cringe yea yea yea yeayeayeayeyayeyea uh huh uh huh uhh huhuhhhhuhhuuh yeayeayeayeayyeayea ok yea idk no maybe possibly yea no idk maybe no yea sure maybe idk yea no yea yea possible no no no no no yea yea no stop stop stop no huh what no wno stop no yea no no stop shut up too hard why do no stop let me talk stop why no why no stop ok what about idk talk no talk no talk no why idk ok stop yea ok sleep

fuarrrk i dont know im just typing i guess but i dont know trying to type as fast as i can i naturally put stuff into sentences i cant just spit out words let me try i guess apple cable network trying om uh i don know kernel computer chess buttplug cheating i dont know i said buttplug cause of the cheating scandal (supposedly) im not gay or anything. lol i dont know what am i supposed to do

i dont know what im doing what is this why am i typing ok i think i know whats happening but i dont have anything to say? why do i cringe at my own writing? i mean, im thinking thoughts in my head and i dont cringe at them but as soon as i write them down i feel embarrased it feels like someone else is reading my thoughts so i have to keep reminding myself that its just me... maybe i dont want the future me to read it because in a way he will be a different person so that would be embarrasing i dont want anyone else to read my thoughts but i think when i do write stuff it helps me come in terms with it feels like im sharing it with someone even tho its just me

place house mask alien mom place her nicotine im looking at the thing im thinking im moving space void empty apathy space void space hexagon orange space oracle town tomb ... cap tribe wing rain smell orange pink rainbow rain smell rain smell rain summer 2011 summer rain summer school. mountain rain balcony smell wind mountain wind trees air space flight wings rain thunder skyscraper a person with me a random person that i just talk to whenever im bored its not a tulpa tho its like a made up person but she doesnt have a specific personality its usually someone i know mostly online friends, i just imagine their voice and talk to them like they were with me in some random place like on a beach watching sunset or on a yacht at night watching the city lights reflect on water as we talk about random useless stuff this is pathetic... is it? idk, sometimes i get random "images" in my head, its not really and image its more abstract sometimes its a feeling? or a place but i dont actually see it sometimes its not really abstarct sometimes i just i dont know what im saying this is stupid sometimes when i hear random sounds outside it triggers a song in my head cuz it sounds kinda similar and then that song starts playing. when i was in kindergarten dad used to pick me up after and he would be me a mars bar as we walked for like 10 minutes to home and i used to think about stuff like "who am i?" i would try to imagine myself in third person like how do other people see me? do they see me at all i dont know i dont know that they are real i cant know if anyone is real do i exist in the real world and can people see me? have i ever been seen by anyone or are they all robots, where did these thoughts come from? why was i thinking about this stuff ok i stop now this is boring id ont think anyones gonna read it anyway i fell bad for breaking the rules of the thread and not responding to other posts sorry i dont knwo what to say i feel like im just boring and have nothing

>>5785 >place house mask alien mom place her nicotine ah crap how did you get my seed phrase?

Low life high skyline. That's why I joined. And there's no clouds in Texas. On the fence can really make your ass sore, like staring at the fuarrrking sun. Like a corpse blush in Sunday' best. The sky is an iridescent pink as the blackness consumes everything around us and this fuarrrking loli needed help putting her gasmask on. Maybe I'm a sucker but I fell in love again, the overgrown mopp coat flowing past her wrists as she danced, blowing me kisses with her eyes. Whispering, she said I like teasing her. I smiled and said she had a handle again, pulling her around by the straps. But it wasn't the time or the place, and they threw a grenade in the door. You've gotta wake back up

Sure fuarrrk it, I'm bored. I'm not sure what to type. Brain is pretty quite unless I'm focused on something.like he trys to start talking but if I don't focus? Nope, nada, zilch, nothing. God, this show looks boring. Tv cable, who watches this shot anymore? Shit not shot. Now I can't reconnect it becaie if I did, then you wouldn't know what I was talking about. And I meant reconnect jot reconnect. Recorrect. That's the word. What the fixk is this. This bead is comfy. Bed. Army. Good. I know you two are close, I'll make those calls. Talk to me me, BP 108/80, I Haye hospitals ladder transfer123 just relax.if I watch, the TV, if I watch, TV overrides what I'm thinking, didn't know. Like i listen but also monologs??? Huh. Case. Like I listen but also say in brain? Weird. And most of these words are more so feelings, that I'm portraying or assigning words, then my inner monologs is fling the same. Diagnosis. I am tired of this soykaf. Brain and eyes are tired.

>>5451 I liked your monologue, I relate to many thoughts you had to not sure if im a fan of stoicism, I think we all have a bit of chaos inside and we need to accept it rather than fully change it. The problem is that capitalism conditions our chaos for its profit >>5783 Private journalism would help you and with time you can come with terms with yourself, your future self may not feel embarrassed of what you write if thats what helped process your emotions Okey im gonna do my brain dump ill set timer 6 mins Meditation, specially mindfulness exercises, helped me a lot yet with a lot experimentation I concluded that atleast for me and contrary to what everyone says meditating everyday is not a good idea. My mind goes wild if left too much in checked yet meditating feels like forcing my mind to be sth its not supposed to be all the time and i felt that when i meditate everyday i still have moments where i feel overwhelmed, but the middle point where i just meditate a few days or once a week feels ideal feels like im at peace. meditation changes our brain but maybe in the case of my brain its not as easy or ideal to change it for my mental health because i have autism and that means i struggle with accepting change and routines and while mindfulness has helped me cope with sudden changes and be more accepting it still feels like i cant force it too much that at the end of the forcing myself to always be accepting of change robs me of what actually gives me a lot of peace and mental health, rather than becoming the person society wants me to be thats its always prepared to adapt and change at the cost of my sanity i wanna be the person that finds some peace and predictability in his life, i wanna be the stone in the flow and be at peace.

>>5781 Sometimes I feel regret for no reason, as if my entire existance is an accident that I should mourn over. >>5783 Don't worry, I really liked the way you write. It sounds honest and raw. I know I have brain-dumpred here before but I want to try again, latelly my mind has been clogged with thoughts and I can't sleep well. What were the chances of me being born the person I am, out of all the other seven billion people on Earth? I'll never be capable of seeing the world through the eyes of another, I will forever be stuck being one person my entire existance simply because a chance said so. What were even the chances of me being born human, out of all the other creatures that roam Earth? I want to know how it feels to be a bird plucking it's feathers. Or a lizard shedding it's skin. How many things will I miss for simply standing on two limbs? Ah, to be a human, the only being on Earth that pays to exist. And the moon, it's always peeking out of my window. The same moon that my ancestors millions of years ago looked at, the same moon a dinosaur watched to find it's herd, the same moon that lit the waters and gave light to the creatures at the bottom of the sea, during the ediacaran. Isn't it beautifull to share the same moon with the long forgotten dead?

>>5447 i dont know if im doing this right i think i finally understand everything but altho its just an illusion it makes everything feel less exciting compared to how it felt as a kid i dont know what to do with this i dont have any friends im lonely i dont know how i can keep living like this for long i dont lik emost people they are annoying and only care about their relationships and their image they arent interested in anything why am i born in a place like this

ok for 1 min I think I can hear the clock tick and if the whispers into the dreamscape of dreams is the bard for forget the otherlife of the history of things there is no mouse trap that is aware of the things that will be assigned to the starshipt that is coming to ascend to the will of the barder and bader things that will foootball if the carrying of the torht but there will be the others that will ome an dstriek forth the apple bnanas of th

>>6338 holy soykaf, it's like it's all there: poetic despair and worry concerning the fact that the torch of the great mystery will be dropped and forgotten and it will be lost before the great liftoff into the next age! the worry that the statue of persephone will perish, and people will not carry it over to the starship going for the stars. the paralyzing thought that humans will lose the connection to the myths and signs hidden in plain sight, that they will not be carried over, that the people on mars will not stumble upon secret references on the back side of pink floyd album that just so happened to be lying on the floor as they fall over in drunken stupor. that we will lose the maps of meaning! the clock is ticking

Enteral equinox par blank stair hate rings true burning in the void help will never come burning seriera cold flame rot halth brought forth that will will never heal pain from the needled does not bring joy only normal fing fang ra su la ta

I feel like I'm trying to respond to a conversation from a very long time ago with someone I can't remember

test numerals ordinals hierarchy alpha omega psy magic connection intimacy loneliness warmth bed soft program bug moth wing plane sky space universe entropy finale

>>5463 I know this was a year ago, but I genuinely loved this post. >My brain doesn't seem to be the best when operating anything or understanding anything, but I'm trying, I'm just trying. >my vision sees nothing but constant just, dots, why am i seeing dots, my vision is so constantly screwed I see dots everywhere flying from place to place, i hate seeing these dots but there's nothing i can do about them These parts were too real.

> I feel like I'm trying to respond to a conversation from a very long time ago with someone I can't remember honestly, that's just how my conscious feels. a neverending conversation with the void. > Sometimes I feel regret for no reason, as if my entire existance is an accident that I should mourn over. I know this was over a year ago, but... damn. me too. anyway, gonna try to braindump for the remaining few minutes I have left in my study hall class. here we go boys homecoming is soon. I bought tickets, but I don't have anyone to go with. I would go with my ex platonically, but I think he'd see right through my intentions, and somehow leave me more than he already left me. I still love him. is that weird? I know its a normal experience, but it still feels wrong. like I'm violation some sort of personal boundary of his by simply feeling the way I do. why do humans feel love? I barely feel real love in the first place. all of my previous "crushes" have been forced out of pure desperation to be not as lonely as I was and still am (thanks, homeschooling.). he was the only person I ever felt real love towards. what is real love? I guess it depends on who you are, how you experience it. love is subjective. humans are subjective. is this pretentious? probably. probably not. I don't know. my study hall is two minutes from ending. I like doing this. I'll return to this thread, maybe, some day, when I have more time. my braindumps would probably be longer than the bible. I gotta get my stuff. I hope my school doesnt block lainchan.

Crane train brain, leopard, in juices, an active snow in springtime, a whole other gist

it is in itself quite exciting that some people supposedly have no inner monologue but on the other hand it seems kind of silly that I could not survive without it, like I do not have to actively think, for example, that "ahaa in that spotify title now reads like that". I get it, but sometimes I think that it's not either or on the other hand it's quite exciting that when some people say that language is the "basis of humanity", it somehow seems exciting that a person could not control their own consciousness without the shackles of language. somehow exciting that people all have a different experience of this existence. whether the inner monologue but something that some "learns" and some do not, because it does not seem nearly necessary. also pondering e.g. schizophrenia and inner monologue connections, whether they are because somehow it would seem to my own ear a bit like that schizophrenia could be a "higher degree" of inner monologue where instead of the inner monologue it is uncontrollable and goes a bit beyond the mere speech.

>>5785 Got some real open door, cant see behind yourself, the whole universe you see is in your mind, what do other peoples minds look like are they connected are they dangerous are they?? kinda vibes. I relate. I started this thread way back when. I'm really happy you kept it alive so long. When I read... I cant remember which posts are mine anymore! When I look inside my mind I see the same thing I see in your minds. Here we go... 10 min meditation. Breath. Water? Fine. There. Flickers. My posture... my organs. My body is like a chemistry set. A biochemistry set. Keep the reaction going! Bells in my ears far away. Someday I'll do a 10 min meditation and not think nothing at all. *get cough medicine and sleepy tea*. Gotta check timer... 4:17. I'm in school again now. I have a gf now. I like the wind on the trees. Creaking. You shouldn't have grown so close together. I've been using the internet like a dissociative drug too much lately. Its cause my worldview is so bleak and all my hobbies have grown too heavy to lift or faded. I have no "off" activities I enjoy... it's better when I'm too busy with school to do anything else, but that leads to drinking... I need to learn how to calm down and go to sleep. Oyasumi~☆

>>6476 > I would go with my ex platonically Feel like planotic relationships are often a massive door that can lead to more. >and somehow leave me more than he already left me As long as you both have fun and you keep to your platonic intentions. >>6455 Don't underestimate your brain it's an amazing machine and it led you to this incredible forum. Imagine blanking out at the idea of dumping your monologue in some dark web forum when all you want is to have it be silent for more than 5 minutes at a time. But being a human is all about finding ways to distract yourself from the endless stream of boring chatter caused by distractions all around. There's no reaosn to feel insane just because yours have been irritated by your own decisions in life.

>>5780 Damn lain... I've been there. Hope things are better. I know what is like to get this type of advice but, if things really are bad, don't just project more hate onto things, say fuarrrk it and try to make up something out of it, like, it's not going to be like that forever. You have your own head for yourself, so... Make it a comfortable place at least, don't bring the things that bother you inside. >>5781 Regret really makes us feel low... It's a bad feeling we should try to avoid, like cringing, like, what the fuarrrk, why do some people cringe about the choices of other people? Just... Let it be. >>6491 I think we are able to sometimes let language stop speaking for very short lapses, and it's powered by meditation. It's kinda of my life's work but I try to decipher those cozy images that pop inside our heads sometimes... Of places we never went to but long to be there. >>6438 If you really look into it, there is a pattern. >>6338 Like lain >>6375 said, it's like you synched with it all for a little time. Yes, our minds are constantly bombarded by whispers penetrating into our reality. Escape the mousetrap (that is not real btw) to be granted access to the ship that will elevate us.

yeah fuarrrk it I'll write and later reply call the cops Idgaf. All because I just feel the urge to brain dump, I wish I could just do it like C, he's got direct access between his brain and the keyboard, he makes it look easy. He's been at this for a while, 10 years already? I'm happy for him, I would like to develop that sort of ease in writing. I am too vain, though, I always like my writing to show a certain, idk , restraint. I have been wanting to write but I always feel I need to have something to write about and all my ideas are half-baked. Yeah I do not cook my ideas, I just let them linger, and remain somewhere in mid-term memory while I find out something else, or not, maybe I'll forget it; I've forgot plenty. Now it's kind of funny I think I like to learn new ways of thinking, yeah, that's what it seems to be about. Not really the specifics of the medium or whatever it is that I'm thinking about at the moment but the ability to expand my mind. I guess that's what the wired does. Speaking of the wired, isn't it supposed to enhance the human mind? I mean if you think about it, all the transhumanist bullthis aside, it really is a mighty powerful little device that we carry in our pockets. But instead of us mastering it, it dominates us, it plays us, it makes us dumb, it is acrually kind of funny it has decreased the attention span of a generation noticeably. And no I don't just mean some statistic of sorts, but the fact that the kind of "content" that dominates this collective consciousness is nothing but absolute trash. It doesn't matter, in the end, I believe the web is going under soon enough. I may have cheated I am reading other posts here and they all seem to be just at the moment brain dumps with just the kind of stuff that goes through each one's mind like idk say torch and disco, computah, disco!!! nah it's not working maybe I was doing it right but how am I to answer to these posts holy soykaf well maybe I can just go and do the same let's see >>6491 THERE IS NO INNER VOICE ONLY THE VOICE OF GOD >>6438 saw that thread about technomancy and it kind of arrested me, the whole idea. I think the computer is a tool of magic, and there's actually rather widespread understanding of this, even if the sceptics that necessaritly populate technical sites don't give credit. Remember when they used meme magic and that supposed egyptian god to get the donald in office? I hope they manage to do that again, the next season is going to get all fun with all the nukes and the uh the war and oh ecological collapse, that one too.

10 min. stream of consciousness. no attempt to control, only to type. ok. blehh.... I dunno. It's like. I've been feeling very bleak. I have thoughts. I have memories of experience. of a persistandt personality. I have been trying to do things, echo's of my past actions say. I have set up a system and an ego to keep myself operating. I feel ill at ease. I don't like the things they talk about. I don't like the things I think about. I'm not sure I can remember anywhere I really want to go or anything I really want to do. I want the world to be so unimaginably better than it is. and the only way to get there in any reasonable time frame is to make ourselves much more capable than we ever have been before. people are talking about making gods in the computer in a mechanistic way and I think I understand the mechanistic way better and they have in no way solved the problem of connecting it to us. if it's created with the modern strategy it will be trying to do other things, not to help us. Some people might be into that. I dont' think they really are, they just like the idea of it and if it started actually happening they would renounce their desires. but I don't think any of us have any control and it bothers me so much. It's the market and the return on investment and nobody can believe the correct things when there's so much money to be made by beliving the wrong things. but maybe the meme magic is more real than the real understandable dymanics of the world. cause and effect of matter and chemistry and state evolving from state is not true except if those states are the states of the elements of our spirits. we all look at the world and use our focus to create what is real... I dont' know. I've never gotten very good at that. I can use it for mundane things better explained by using my brain to plan and follow through on my plan in a very normal materialistic way. I can't set it aside or fully deny it though. maybe I just have some love of the material world I can't see. maybe there is something else keeping me in the material world I can't see... but I will keep trying to free myself and anyone else I can using only the material tools I know are real. symbols are powerful but only if there are symbol interpreters that end in a different state depending on what symbol they received. >>6806 I hope we can control ourselves and our computers someday. It seems mostly profit seeking companies try to capture our attention for ad revenue, and other software is uninspired, not trying to elevate but to maintain the status quo. continue spreadsheets as they existed before, when they were in paper books, but don't try to change the user and don't let the user change the program. It's not a real relationship. Maybe things will get better. I hope they do. >>5813 We're starting to use mri and AI techniques to read thoughts out of peoples heads... I hope someday we can trade thoughts. Experience the thoughts of other people. If we're both still alive, will you gather with me on the anonymous thought boards? I feel something strong when reading your account of the moon. I feel strongly about the moon, even though it's a dead rock. But I'd never give up my humanity for the experience of animals. I don't believe they have nearly the capacity of wonderful communication and imagination.

Stream of consciousness threads are exactly what I need, I think. They are anonymous, leave a very small trace, and vanish. I have found myself wanting to write more, as if pushed by an urge to write, and yet to write it and post it and leave it there. I've tried mantaining a registry, uh, that is, to keep a blog, of sorts, but no, or, maybe, idk, let's see how that works out. Problem is I am too used to anonymous media. I do not like the idea that whatever I vomited there will remain there somewhere, then again, it is nice to keep a digital identity, of sorts. So what is it? it seems like life is just a fleeting moment, why cling to things past? To learn of oneself, to amuse oneself with one's own young self, it is entertaining, and I guess there's some more value to that, cause we forget, we do forget. I forget what my house used to look like a year ago, so it'd be nice to have some history, isn't there something about not knowing one's own history? Oh and yeah, when I have an identity attached, even a pseudonym, I feel I just can't be my own, I feel bound as if to some kind of identity or etiquette. Same thing here in anonymous boards, but that's another story, fuarrrk me, fuarrrk you блядь. >>5529 this reads like my head when I try to sit and meditate. >>6821 >on't try to change the user and don't let the user change the program Hey I like that. Software could be a lot simpler, that'd be nice.

>>6898 >Software could be a lot simpler, that'd be nice. Ha, I was thinking about how rigid and cumbersome bloatware like Microsoft word or excel are compared to old unix tools which you could script together and recompile... and my dream of someday having software that felt like it got out of the way. Software that I could make into software to do something as easily, or easier, than explaining it. But when I think of social media and apps with their buzzing notifications and need for an account and customization... well you could be right, maybe simple static software would be nicer. (((There is no hope while software is developed in it's current paradigm. Government privatization or socialism or total monopoly or fuarrrking patreon out competing the government for funding public good projects... idk... fuarrrk...)))

10 minute timer and some fixed grammatical errors Just rewatched Lain. Very interesting show. I really think that reading more philosophy books is necessary for me to understand reality on a deeper level. Finding a middle ground between tech-obsessed sociopaths and cultural individuals is the key to reality, the key to everything. By everything i mean a way of life that has the most purpose and meaning. Not sure about happiness though, i think the "ignorance is bliss" idea applies there so i may already not be able to be happy for several reasons. If i cannot succeed in a normal life then i just have to thrive in a abnormal, strange way. Acting as a tool of the world, society, information to bring about something new and meaningful, to fill a currently existing void in the cultural canon. Maybe this is a bit too much for me, but i`ll do my best. haha. But not sure about ID or EGO. Can those be formed by me properly? I feel like my ego is very weak, almost non-existent. I live as a connector of thoughts that have been birthed through the collective experience of humanity. That seems to be true. At least it sounds like truth should. Not an "enlightenment" type of truth, but a far more shallow personal understanding of the mechanisms of reality. That is only the top of the hat that goes deeper than the earth resides. I think this is correct. This is right. Everything is as it should be. Truth is an illusion. End it all. Everything is subject to entropy, a force unrivaled by god or man. Something that a creature inside the fabric cannot escape. But what about the outside? Breaking out may be possible you just need to find the right frequency. These thoughts are real and authentic. Please believe me, me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me,me. I am me. Good, bad, not sure if either, honesty. I wanted to keep a somewhat coherent narrative throughout this message, but looks like i failed. It is the end. Remember that you are here.

>>7189 >I feel like my ego is very weak, almost non-existent. I live as a connector of thoughts that have been birthed through the collective experience of humanity. Yes ! that's what an ego is ! You are the mediator of your feelings , your experiences , and the experiences of others that influenced your psychological superstructure . >I wanted to keep a somewhat coherent narrative throughout this message, but looks like i failed. You grappled with the conflicting ideas of the " outside " and the " inside " , if you are a mediator , mediate ! I ' m trying to rewatch Lain as well , the art design has always baffled me . it is lonely , something hides in its shadows , deprived of joy . I enjoy that , however . I enjoy its steady hum & wish I could stare blindly at the world , like Lain does . / I sometimes worry that I have some form of personality disorder , but I think a lot , i Think too much . While thinking I realized that maybe it is not a personality disorder , there is only one me and he is hiding , somewhere . he is Scared and I cannot convince him to come out and enjoy this world . I take the helm for him , for now . I' m not as entertaining as him I believe . I 'm a lot more boring , silent , melancholic . I just wish he would come back , the world is not colorful as it should when your self is fragmented . Please , help your "self " , and treat them kindly . / Radio head was a band I did not enjoy for a long time . But they are calming , soothing . / It has been 5 minute s . I believe that should suffice for my consciousness . >>6898 >They are anonymous, leave a very small trace, and vanish. There is a beauty in this , you must be more knowledgeable in this concept than I am , I have seen other posts by you . Anonymity allows for the most sincere part of the self to come out to play , there is no need to hide and pretend , no one will find out after all . >when I have an identity attached, even a pseudonym, I feel I just can't be my own, I feel bound as if to some kind of identity or etiquette. But how you describe it , perhaps it is not anonymity I speak about, but " pseudonymity ". A funny word if i say so myself ! / Perhaps true anonymity can only be found between two lovers , or perhaps two animals . I can not think of another scenario in which the walls of the human brain and its deep desire to fit in and behave according to norms . social rules . laws , restrict the true wants and needs of the animal self (a lover's embrace , or nutrition ).

i saw this thread two nights ago, i closed it. i saw this thread a night ago, i closed it. today i feel like this'll go somewhere -- which is ironic, because this always happens in static periods of my life, where on most levels i will be going anywhere but somewhere. anyway, as ((vaguely)) prefaced from the first few lines, my worry is about unpredictability: i'm ready to adapt to my envinronment, i live in and for a world that's constantly rupturing; but ready i am not to deal with an unstable self, a mind that's too flighty to ever agree on even the most banal of axioms that are not the two, vague base 'rules' (if you can call them so) i go by: - have fun - don't hurt people and/or yourself logistics will be my slow and seemingly foreseeable downfall: i just cannot adhere to numbers and binary truths, some deep-rooted neurological configurations constantly show me 'grey areas' and they make me accept them very, very easily. this sort of cognitive diplomacy, admittedly, is very stimulating, but i'm not so sure i can vouch for its reliability and ability to make sound life-changing decisions. indeed, it seems the future favors certain approaches to reality. is my theory mistaken? are my observations skewed? how likely is it that the future will be favorable in regards to my 'rules'? is partially breaking breaking my rules by partially sacrificing the present and preterite in favor of long-term stability the best move or a blunder? i find myself in a very precarious/postcarious situation where worry for the future and uncertainty turns into worry for the preterite and certainty. i really wish more people talked about the preterites >>7189 reads plenty coherent2me! i don't really understand the whole esoteric "seeking the Absolute Truth" deal, i've gone through multiple stages of viewing it and i'm now currently at around my 3rd iteration of interpreting it as a cooler way of doing religion. my current stance on truth is that it's mostly an useful discriminant to shape reality, a tool more so than an ends. reality, on the other hand, seems much scarier to appraise: no matter what/where/how/why you think, it's nowhere and everywhere: it's that funny non-descript Item that doesn't exist but stimulates our mind, it's the perennial myth that shapes the cosmology of morality and human actions, it's the color of the wall slowly being drained towards the hue + values + saturation of cosmic latte, it's me typing this post, it's the thought of me typing this post, it's you, it's the 5 senses, it's a mirror covered in teeth, it's teeth covered in mirrors, it's thoughts and feelings subsuming into action and unto itself, it's non-sensical and absurd, it's serious and quantifiable. by far the scariest thing about reality is how much it has been warped, how we were somehow capable of limiting ourselves into fitting into certain categories of reality this effectively; how the human collective somehow learned to streamline infinity into a few elects