sitting in my garbage

I spend a lot of time just sorta exploring around and looking everywhere on the interwebs, I'm a bit of a newb when it comes to everything technology wise, used to be a lot more knowledgeable but had to sell a PC a long time ago for rent money, but I just wanna make some friends I can be happy with ya know like how in the movies the friends are always hanging out and have each other's back no matter what but in a cool techy way with having friends who would wanna do those things with me and be interested. It's so hard really to connect with anyone I guess for me, and it's starting to wear me down a little. I study a lot of things, and have lots of interesting hobbies I feel like, but, no one ever wants to hangout with me or I'll ever be spotted by anyone interesting. We're so connected it feels, but I feel like I was programmed or made to be disconnected. I was reminded today of this because I was exploring the website neocities, and I have a website of my own, so then I look at a few others and search around then find so many other people that are friends, having fun, know so much more than me, n just so much. I feel really stupid, lack of talent, and a lot more. I struggled a bit ago with urges to wanna just make something wreck all websites, especially first though gigantic centralized websites, and just hurt people for no reason because of my loneliness. I realize though, it's best I just leave people alone and hone whatever studies, but it gets really lonely. Is this normal for everyone else around here in some way perhaps? I also suffer from the same problem irl, I have a lot of friends, but none of them really talk to me, it really is like kicking dead whales down the beach and the only interaction I get is with family and the few people online who are truly interested in talking to me and doing stuff together. I mean, I have friends I play vidya with, but I wanna make stuff with people, go outside and walk around in a group, and a lot more. I walk most nights, 10 PM to 2 AM, all alone because I have no one that's really willing enough to even go outside most of the time. I too, want friends I could do stuff like clean up the nearby smoke spots so we could just have nice places to smoke joints in the woods and not be alone in all this. Perhaps it's just living in a small town that it's like this, but it surely gets lonely. My girlfriend most of the time doesn't even wanna go outside with me or do anything together. I just don't know if I'm alone in all this browsing, looking around, and etc. This isn't pussy bs about wanting to commit sedoku, but just a thing of, "hey does anyone else feel this way?" I know too it was a big feeling I felt when going on some old social media websites, I don't go on anymore though cause a FBI visit, lots of people had their closed off groups and the only ones accepted were typically people who seemed normal or something else, I see so many mentions too of things like lain and all humans being connected by the wire now a days, but, this saying doesn't make me any more connected, sometimes more disconnected because I don't find the character that much appealing in a personal way, but agree with the idea of there being a potential entity or being all over cyberspace, but the anime feels distant from reality for me. This board though, with the lainons in it is what really makes me happy though, you lainons really have a comfy spot here and I'm glad I came across it.

>>5394 from just studying I know basic python, how to make shell scripts, html and css, tiny bit of physics and math, stuff about philosophy, religion, art, and that's about it, I know these aren't much and it's hard to get into the specifics of the philosophy I like, but i just wish i could find more friends overall or something like that, it really is like kicking dead whales down the beach feeling so disconnected as I just see so many faces pass me by everyday but not feeling really recognized, I'm not even sure if I'm depressed, I used to suffer from bad depression but got better at dealing with it and all my symptoms of it have gone away really, but there's something so lonely about being out here alone on my computer and out too in the wilderness walking around. I wonder what it must feel like to be that man who got his whole tribe killed and was forced to roam the rainforests alone with zero human contact. It's lonely at times, but eh. I think possibly it just might be my skill to communicate with people. I can't really find a way of talking to people which engages them so they feel maybe left out by me, but who knows, I'm not sure if this is part of the curse of being human, having bad social skills, or just being mentally retarded.

I know this feeling. When I'm with my friends, it always feels off, like I can't even fit in with them. On the internet, I can't seem to be able to get along with anyone or participe anywhere, so I've been doing sort of my own thing on the computer. I spend alot of time going in walks and just asking myself questions that I will never be able to answer. When I stumbled upon this website a few months ago I felt relieved because I understood that there *are* people with similar interests to my own. So yes, other people do feel that way. Just keep going. Do you think you're not good enough at programming? Find a goal that you can achieve by getting better at programming. Produce something you can share with others and like-minded people might come to you. Good luck.

I know exactly what you're talking about lainon. And I feel similarly. Do you maybe want to connect with me? (or at least try) Reply here and we'll find a way to exchange contacts. You sound sad and just like me before attempting self manipulation (self-serving psychological patches). I hope you get better regardless, but still respond, I'm curious if you wanna talk.

>>5412 oh sure, I wouldn't mind to, my matrix is @k3t-meow_floating:catgirl.cloud if you'd like to connect a bit

>>5397 That sounds like a good idea, i feel like though I suffer from a problem of being creative enough to make a good program or create a project, but, I feel like too it's from a lack of knowledge on programming, I hope I can figure it out, I just get scared a lot overall, I wanna really do some things like work on open-source software and do something overall with my knowledge, but I worry a lot at times i'm just not smart enough or i actually lack a lot of knowledge in doing much of anything that i might want to

>>5415 What really helped me was picking an ambitious idea and go as far as I could with my current knowledge and skill. When you really get stuck, it's good to read some CS books. You should be reading alot of existing code too. For instance, a small compiler will teach you parsing and graph processing, as well as pattern matching (referring to compiler optimizations)

I too feel disconnected from everybody else. I feel like I was born an observer, always seeing and thinking, but not having any way to impact or meaningfully interact with the world. It's like i'm separate from the world and from people in it. I always had friends, but never best friends. I was always second, which doesn't bother me much since most of those friends only were interested in drinking and smoking and not doing anything particularly interesting or fun. None want to go out or do anything. Now I've decided that I want to go out into the world, meet new people and find those that share my interests. But everywhere I go I feel secluded, never belonging, never connected. Even though I've changed, nothing else did. I was always interested in astronomy, physics, philosophy and somewhat spiritualism. I'm programming, know Java, python, android and web stuff, but every project i did, i stopped at 90% never finishing it and never sharing with the world. Nowadays I've lost most interests or motivation to study those topics. I sometimes program and make music in most of my free time. And even tho I try to branch out, I feel like me and my mind are withering away

>>5412 dude talked to me for a month then blamed all his porn problems on me

Im so far away from it all. People don't feel real. Only matching people can feel real I guess. Where are they. Am I not even willing to look for them.

>> 5490 Troon user kys!!!! that's how you solve it!!

>>5492 huh there's nothing to solve, you talked to me for a month and sperged out saying I'm perverting the world after flirting with me multple times while sending me mommy porn for some reason n asking me what I porn I liked, I'm just kinda sad I lost a friend I thought was cool but ended up being a weird dick

>>5492 and I'm not the one with the porn problems, i was referring to you dude, that's mostly what'd you talk about for some weird reason like wtf???

>>5494 if that's even you in this field of lainons, who knows, just is like kicking dead whales down the beach losing friends ya know, you meet a friend over posting about how lonely life can feel at times, and said friend just ends up not really being a friend, I was just kinda happy having someone cool to talk to everyday, i didn't even care about all those things in reality, it just is like kicking dead whales down the beach you twisted ur own problems on me in a weird way and sperged out of no where when I thought we were friends, it was comfy really overall, lainon, it would be nice if as friends you talked to me about ur issues as friends, i don't know much have people I talk to like that, so you were rare of a friend, I'll go on life probably remembering you slightly as a friend I talked to for one month and ended up being a dick like that, for what it's worth, guess in the end, you scammed me like you scammed all those others lainon. I'll see you friend, if that's you, surely wish you were a better person overall and wishing better times mentally ahead. Signed, ur old friend.

>>5394 Alone, but never lonely.

>>5394 OP you are not alone in experiencing tht, like I think in some respect is acknowledging sometimes this "sitting in ones loneliness" kinda reinforces itself, its kinda a soykafty place mentally that is somewhat cozy. it's habitual I find. but for the amount of people that appear disinterested and kinda just drop out of playing a role in your life. the amount of people who if you make an effort to reach out, people like that are around and in some respect you might find yourself being the one that pulls someone up from that state too, maybe making more moves and just creating more oppertunitys to have engaging spaces with people actually interested in having hobbies and convos u actually will find stimulation in. and invest your attention in those relationships and let them flourish. and maybe just accept that people that are not meeting the needs and through their behavior are leaving you in this superficial lacking depth aloof relationship state are the way the are currently and the odds of someone realizing and deepening such a relationship are probably on their own not likely. maybe in someway the ppl around u are unacknowledged in that respect to. I don't know Im just throwing darts at a wall to see what sticks. so yeah hope that lifts the funk your feeling somewhat OP

>>5394 >>5394 Shit, well i am very social. Like hypersocial, i have a few friends but is a solid group and we've been there for each other from the same neighborhood since childhood. Nevertheless, I can totally see myself in such situations, like the isolation within your interests that most people in this board experience. I myself have such patterns of thinking just like the ones u guys experience, i just happened to grow up with the people i hang out and they themselves has such quirks. Lately in the city that i am living at the friend i had there and his gf who she is also a close friend of mine left for the summer, they're uni students there, and almost everyone ik in this city had some connection to my city, and probably went to the same school with me. So i was left all alone with my intrests, unmotivated to reach out to anyone or finish something and i was trapped within my inability to effectively do something. I even reached out to my ex out of desperation and had the worst sex in my life...

>>5394 Tldr, try tagmaps, made some ebin team in there that has gone for 3 years and its still going strong

>Lots of friends >My girlfriend Stop crying

>>5495 you can be my friend lainon(s) derelict@anonym.im

>>5394 I get that feeling. I've been interested and studied technology ever since I stumbled upon my first webpage at the library. Fast forward a couple of years and I got my first real tech related gig. It gave me a lot of time to think and do all the side projects I dreamed of. However, I quickly lost the motivation I had to do those side projects like when I was in school. I have a bunch of friends and family members that love me, yet I've never felt has disconnected from them (Had to live in a different city than them). I take night drives, go outside and walk alone and look at the stars wondering where did all that energy went. I had my bouts of teenage drinking but now I drink almost every night as it seem to be one of the few things that sooth and put me to sleep. I keep telling myself that without technology there would be a gaping hole in my life but I'm growing more and more distant. So I explore the wired and keep on drinking information endlessly drunk on bits and bytes.

I think the feeling you describe is universal, though some feel it more frecuently. What works for me is trying to be social, but not too intense, with the people in the places i frecuent (uni, work, hobbies). Along the way you'll find friends, similar to you and different as well. You say you have friends, etc already so why not try to reconnect with them? People are not disposable.

>>5394 You have hobbies and friends, what are you complaining about? You know what I have? Nothing. No hobbies, no friends. No interests, no skills, no studies. You say you are sitting in your garage? NO you are not. You do all these things. I actually sit in my garage. I stare at a wall. It is beyond frustrating for someone as lucky as you to be complaining about how disconnected you are, you dont even know the fuarrrking definition

>>6323 friend u are very self-centered, I had that friend for a short time as i struggle with keeping friends and u have many studies/skills, I dont see much reason to comment on this post as it's been a while since we've originally made this, I can say though since this post I've been doing a lot better, i can say things do get better for everyone though and over time you'll find some way to slot into existence in a tranquil way

>>6329 or at least im sure, usually people grab stuff as they pass, to usually just grab a hobby is as simple as looking at someone else doing something and thinking "I wanna do that", soykaf's fuarrrking hard to understand and it makes my brain hurt too lainon, but i know you'll find it, i want to also update and say some other things with stating i've lost probably all those friends i talked to since on this post, but you find a way to live with no friends even if it's a big social need, itt's hard to get set on the hobbies but they do help provide a way to survive without others in general, just anything to pass the time and make u not think of the loneliness, but also walks helps too to be honest, i dont really know in general i've found a inhuman way to enjoy this loneliness with those things, but if ur unable to do this at all well i guess they got drugs lainon, sometimes we just dont have any will at all