finding hate wishing love for the people in my heart disallowing past pain into my psyche prevents me from becoming root bound in my personal growing season not knowing whether this though experiement will help my current state of mind but still willing to try anything to change my current mindstate corrupt policymakers anger me as I try to eke out a satisfying existentance what happened to the last two years four years? even longer will I try to relate to other humans but it is difficult when you can barely look anyone in the eye what do they see when they look at me burnout or once mad scientist gardener love full spectrum light and balancing the blues and reds to make happy pepper plants also weed is fun to grow but no longer fun to use my mind is extremely precious to me and I hope one day to be paid for my mind not my body learning web development gives me a spark but i feel bleak about future work although automation is incredibly interesting it is hard when you have a fear of math with letters that keep you from learning computer science i know my short comings are overcomable but it seems like the wall is too high and im afraid to ask for help trapped please help i have so much to give and give and create and make beautiful and ordered how to do when your energy is limited by enviromental factors it hurts i want to get out of being stuck unable to concentrate except for short bursts how to survive and pay bills without falling into the dark side or is it a blend of regional coffee beans that will help me find better performance?
Oh soykaf.... that felt really good