Stream of consciousness writing

First post, really interested in this type of thread. Start a 10 minute timer and just start writing your stream of consciousness. Don't plan ahead, simply write the first words that come to your mind and as soon as you finish writing them, write the next words that come your mind. Don't worry about spelling, punctuation, grammar or paragraphs. You can fix that after. Everyone's different, don't worry about not being as coherent as others. I'll start. anthony kidrow political darkness god damn it pays trubute silia cruise heeyyy heyyy damn it don't stop typing now keep going eh mamamam here in new york for finding joy in music i in times of deepest political despair bumpy year so much work that youre doing right now famous music festival right now for you sense of emergency h lot anger focus more on anime and positive things haha common shared humanity i'm like foreign giving back to the economy dan taking it gives me more heheh hahah you're doing something you havent necessarily havent done before erection of the scenes of the early 80s i believe to give me some of your joy right now who is screaming into the blue eyes once in a lifetime when you sing your whole face comes alive and how did they ensure you you threee months after I arrrive how much anger no one lives inside mby vhoive vibrant freefall your friends parents fridge benin communistic regime reign 56 seven eight ummm ready for the revolution why what was the reason thats what music does culture gives people change that gives people life what can music reveal from your life crackle lackin popper off incredible music student uprising you're saying you had that in your bedroom when growing up absolutely what ive taken for granted a human being is not a man of color helped me actually i accept this is very distracting to be honest good okay hey yu oop a general same manner talking about keep talking stop being sperg aspergians lmao lmao lmao what is really essential distracted by peoples misery copper crowns dundundudndunduna your own perspective growing up in africa just finished doing the project political hatred the racism here in the united states in the free world today one globalisation mmmmmmmmh same take on every situation sensory deprivation when people come neo africans couple of little kids come to me gibberish chaos construction say this if you dont think dont meet anger with anger thanks syria crews ohohohohaaaaah smaba nice ass music real nice should shazam it gmabamba ohhhhhhh dun dund und duuun i hear you singing a akek or raaa woaaahahahaaaaah life is a crime pot life is a crakc pot how did she ffirst come into your life not one artist today used to combine salsa despair in salsa huh whatr?!?!?

soykaf im pretty deep underground, imagine if we were stuck here and had to eat soykaf to survive. That would be pretty soykafty, wouldn't it. Anyway, everything is like kicking dead whales down the beach so much lmao I can't even comprehend it. fuarrrking bitches. Why is that old dude looking at me. I should punch him. Another orange train not for me. Not that im waiting for one anyways. Just waiting for someone. Typing on this mobile piece of junk is like kicking dead whales down the beach i wish i was home programming. Should have taken my laptop. Not that I would find an outlet, the battery's long dead. Bought it used. When i bought it, the battery could provide 30 seconds of power, now its completely dead. My darlings. Another train. Where are these people going? Damn there's so much time to kill. What a waste. A shame. What if there was a fire? We'd suffocate. I once had a dream like that. The men started raping children because they knew they were going to die. Beep boop motherfucker. Kalyx was a user. Back hurts. How did I fuarrrk that up. I wish I wasn't so bored. Another train. Electricity. Footsteps. This is hell. So lame. Lain plz. fuarrrking autism aids times up lol

>>2633 Very interesting. Not one for going outside?

>>2632 hello my name is john. i am from kansas. i loke hotdogs and waffles and ice cream. i am not ARMED AND EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. i am a nice person. lots of things have happend to me in my life. many thangs that dont make goddern sense billy bob. but thats ok. because it all turns in to nonsense. and that its that. for all time. and no time. for ever. and ever. and ever.

whats the point time to kill berner geoegia you ever heard of berner georgia? i guess no coincidentally hes such a prick i wish i didnt have any legs my teeth bite my eyes pinch weak fall fall headache the use of it all my eyelids publically faint i wish i couldnwrite more collapse incoherent uselessness jesus cheisr jessu christ. jujitsu at its finest when iwas little i had no kickability thats right. my limbs fall off dark holw trench disgusting fluid seeping waht the fuarrrk what the fuarrrk beautifully dancing around girls with little ballet shoes tip toe tip toe it doesnt stop we are so melodious i ache i fall she tripsa nd her shoe unties she must soak in ice how do i let.my conciousness stream like this goodnye but time is not up in fact it. ever is ip it foes the world jever stops not even for you mo it does not i wish i was dr suess i wish i was a man in a cult i wish i was powerful a powerful girl that waa envied by all it wpild be great i would suceed i would he the best i woild be pretty ethereal playful like play dough but that is not real i am not real my thimbs go so fast thwy fall off into the toilet and i flush them down with the remaining palm i wish i had a coconut but my stomach aches this is true i wish. iwas georgia i wsih i flowed easilly i wish all was not lost iwijsh i was littlte again go go go go go i wish i was sonic too or boomy the cat why was i cursed to be so pathetic and depressed why was it me bt why do i dwell sometimes i can make the best i should cry to sopranos i shouldncry to pathetic movies why is love so painful why does it exist i wish i could be answered my heart aches the acid from my vomit drips into it and corrodes it its tough its stale it continues the cycle i miss the one i miss that person i hate him for hurtijg me why must i be so shy of the shot why me why must i leap faulty grounds on top of shallow meadows my head falls and rolls around into the golf hole and i pop back up only to see an empty coure why me why me i saw and again it happens until the pop up kaughing people surround me faces gluey goo covered in black forest gump and ectoplasm running with golopogas islands how has it been only 6 minutes i feel i have written so much but perhaps i can not jusge timewell what a stupid exercise? jokes i kind of enjoy it i am just rather sad today soy soy soy soumilk i have never had soymilk. i forget waht a soy boy is probably he says doggo and wow stinky boy wow stinky boy except those are the only two words in his voanulaey actually uses and if you ask to say more he cannot he shuts down breaks down tobot malfunction but we are all just pathetic gross stupid robot no arms mechanical cyber freaks with vomit that spews out of our eye sockete and we are only interconnected through the wirings in our brain that travel like the things on the road i forget their name the wires at night what are they called sky lines? tap. wires? i cant even google this my brain i s fuarrrking up they are the electricity wires. the ones that fry birds the ones people throw their shoes on i miss innocence i miss being a girl i miss when i was younger and. ouls run around and eventually sit online to cope with trauma and explore this huge world of the internet now it is all we have ifs consuming is and it is like kicking dead whales down the beach i miss my peaceful playground i miss the little girl i was i miss not being so exposed to aeful people and abuse i wish i was happier these days i wish i easnt so paranpid people were put to get me its why. ihave to be alone forever dont know if stream of consciousness anymore but ifsturned into a dady perhaps i can morph this into a manifesto id kill a rapist tats the only person id kill br someotmes i just wnna be alone goodnight my time is over clock my ears.

The mermaids want to swim, they want me to swim with them, across the islands that separate the two tribes. The volcano is starting to sputter and the wind is lifting grains of sand off the beach, the sea is turning from a glowing emerald to a dark blue, I see the clouds gathering in. There will be a change, the mermaids say. They gathered all the harpoons and they collected their ritual bells. As I dive into the water I can feel the turbulent sea moving me towards the sand, my head breaks the waves and meets a closer apocalypse coming here, I have to reach the other island before it's too late, the mermaids swim fast, they fly underwater, they are not scared of not reaching the island but they fear for the future the volcano sends bright lava high in the sky, the sky is pitch black the sea is moving, the wind is howling and the mermaids are far away and I can't reach them, was I anything but a strange encounter to them after all, I never belonged, I swim and swim but I can't reach the island I will be lost lost like the grains of sand that will be forgotten and I can only think about the mermaids, will they survive this change will they lose something lasting, how many of them will change for the worse, what is lost does not matter as much as this the volcano is a fury, change is imminent, the sea chances the landscape, the wind changes the landscape, the mermaids are the landscape, adaptability is all that keeps the bay together I let myself go with the change, I let myself sink in the water where the storm can't touch me, I let myself touch the soft sand at the bottom, change is no longer touching me, only quiet until tomorrow and then sand, part of the sand, submerged in the sand, waiting under the water after the landscape has changed I will be there for everyone else, watching quietly and hoping that something new will swim close to me that makes me closer than I could have ever been, maybe the only way to change is to let go

the most aggressive thing i did was to follow a train but the influenced mind cannot comperhend the things that always go around. Like damn it the re's this and then there's that, all soykaf that just keeps coming and never stops like an ever ending movie. Just keep it going under the belt of these nuts and follow your dreams which are your stars. Hold the light but down blow it, blow it down in the wind of death and follow the serpent down the apocalypse. What even is that supposed to mean asken john arbuckle. How do you even speel that wondered the wandering child on he sidewalk with his parents dead. Their heads were crushed and blood gushed a disgusting site for one to see but not me no yeah, I keep it real never went there and will never will. I don't need no thanks and i ain't hood either, just a man inside your house. Your house is white and for some reason black inside and there's no point to not be there. The carpet on the floor is stained with murder and chalcked bodies are i sight. The jacket has coroner spelled with yellow letters and the camera makes a sound stranger than the situation. I try not to trip but you smile and im like this guy's a ghost how the fuarrrk does he know that I am here when im not dead. What else to do on this train track if not put my head on them. Train tracks were made for heads, ropes too. Who needs a tie when you have ropes. Who wants to die when there ain't hopes. Viper level rhymes what the fuarrrk a i even saying. Cant feel my shoulder but that's alright cuzz pain keeps pumping. So what does all that let you know? That what you thought was even true was a lie, alright tie to die. Not yet on a glock painted by sunlight.

yes this is my hair and this is yours youre so cute i want to cut your tongue out i wish youre here but why the fuarrrk you had to go so far from here your parents are so cool they are helping you while i have nobody to save me here im totally alone in this city in this country on earth and i just wish i had a place to sleep i dont even have this im so fuarrrked up im a piece of soykaf im wearing gray clothes like you told me im pretty and i miss you so fuarrking much please come back to your place i am waiting i feel so alone i have nobody

Listen, I'm done being a fuarrrking doctor. In fact, I have violent diarrhea and a horrible case of eczema. Yes I said eczema, motherfuckers. Dr. Phil is riding on a train slurping soggy cereal w/ great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts, mutilated monkey meat, gettin' the curvy scurvy. Great...GREEN....gobs...of...greasy...GRIMY...gopher guts...floating in my ice cream. And I have no spoon. Spoons. Forks. Ted needs an incision - right here. Right under his corpus callosum. Sever the thing. Make his brain go into 6th gear on the maglev train swinging down 45th avenue right before he takes a walk on Elm St. and gives Michael Myers what's coming to him. Michael Snyder...good guy, albeit a little too frazzled. Have these people sedated. The planet's doing just fine. It's the people that are fuarrrked. Que sera sera, nice knowing ya. I'll be in my pod eating candy and rubbing Hibiki's back while she is like kicking dead whales down the beach on a candy cane fresh from the Ardennes Forest. And I won't notice the SOS signal from survivors. I'll be too damned busy playing matches made in hell w/ shipgirls in Halo: Bowling edition while I describe my last 5 stomach viruses to the oracle of pain. How fun. Roulette tables. Bet $2 on 00. Do it. You'll walk out rich. The Russian guy and the succubus will dance around the table until the Sun comes up of fried eggs. Toast. Buttered milquetoast. Have you ever seen such a gorgeous treeline? Mimicry. How does this work, you ask? I just bet it all on Neptune. And he kicked Uranus. That clock is full of maggots. Fast-paced drumbeat...I'm going to South Africa w/ a heavy flower in my hand. Drink heavy water. It's only....ah forget it. Woah, Jared Dines - bad. Vocal song. Shred it. 47 hours. Hell in a handbasket. Our father who art in Hell, hallowed be thy name. Bread and butter - the Butterbrod! That's a wrap. Stop looking at ya watch damn it!

times up begin uhhh hmmm what to say what to say get this out of the way hrmmmmmmmm planes every day under the flight path almost directly i'd say myself phewwww wooooo hm what to say y'all ever door closes hummmmm nothings coming to mind right now why is it now my mind is emptied don't look at the screen only;y the keyboard don't worry about typos multi correction multi threaded programming multiple dogs and bowls damn they messed it up wonder what I would type if I was were to be walking in circles with my watch watch mommy look he talking to himself walking fast on the ave hawking ass with the Walkman on blast DOOM is good soykaf no you didn't make the list hrmmm computer hum red light core i7 Dolby digital any schmoe would say the flow so pivotal Jay Electricity PBS mysteries rid of me ultra fit keep your eyes on the keyboard and see what you see and what you find is anything coming to mind? huhuhuhuhuh 1234567 eight hummmm mind blank except for a low whisper of sorcerers from KMD but mostly just DOOM word kamasutra user stank mama recruiter Subroc was dead at the time :)))) pat on the head and good job phewwwwww another plane again. Busiest airport in the world I heard stank mama recruiter how often do people get songs stuck in their heads anyway? It isn't about how often you listen to the song but it's affinity to get stuck in your head. Only listened to Sorcerers 5 times and it stuck yet Exhibit A didn't have the same effect yet I listened to that like 70+ times word kamasutra user stank mama recruiter super super mammy look he talking to himself walking fast ion the ave walking fast with the walkman on blast are there two streams of consciousness going on in my brain I swear I want to type out two things at once but can't. is b on the webring dont matter on lain word kamasutra user stank mama recruiter misspellings I got that embarrassing hummm humm humm humm hummm humm humm humm hum humm just blaze dun dund udn dund udn dun dun dun dun in his own time time I got that wonderama soykaf me and my conglomerates shall remain anonymous caught up in the finer soykaf. Get that type of media coverage obama get there it

i find this thread very interesting so i will partake in it i will start now no introduction needed so what about the keyboard its awful isnt it what is it what is it if we cant be happy then why cant soykaf sometimes i tend to doze off in the middle of important events but at other times i tend to pay lots and lots of attention for no reason at all it is quite confusing to understand what is completely going on i mean theres too much to see and some would argue there is too much to do but that doesnt make very much sense does it i dont think it does if you were to agree with me i would be very much validated but at the same time it would fuel my inexpenses and i wouldnt want that but at the same time its my only desire i cant control it with the help of myself so i rely on others at times it is ok and at times it is ok i just cant its all so interesting and boring that it cant be explained its just just fascinating and quiet the setting of reality we sit in currently fuarrrk fuarrrk fuarrrk im sorry i didnt mean to do anything like that please forgive me oshigaymasu i dont know japanese but i would like to learn thank you for reading and thank you for your patronage fellow guild member and now for the final anthem

Lets go i don't care where am i i i dont care where there here there over there what the hell is this swell flow fo no ..ok. Noom noom zoom zoom doom doom doomed nuclear war that bitch a whore the auttorect said birch for bitch. I am a witch hazel dazel mazel blazel. Go go go ho ho santa satan matin' it is gratin" don't be hatin' on me bee zee zoo fiddlely dee fiddlely doo..Winnie the Poo...red shirt honey got the money bunny bun bun some nice buns the sun so warm ..my scalp is crawling itch itch itch ahhh...what was I saying? Foot asleep wake up make me up some bacon and eggs and pancakes. Panda bakes..panda shakes. Panda manda Amanda. Pamela. I dont know any personally. So personal. Nah. I feel this is forced but it's not. Just i dont know if normal thoughts can be recorded this way because to observe is to perturbe the usual order of thought or so i think time almost up i guesss yeahhhh cup

retry the information stream of consciousness might reveal thinking patterns that illuminate character of said person, the cia niggers might spot me racism is what will be my charge, I have failed to contain my thoughts I keep misspelling my fingers cant' keep up and click the correct letter why is this the case please fingers click on the correct letter hey this seems to be working okay then so where was I , oh i am here on this chair with bad posture staring at a screen at almost 4 am I need to sleep my sleep is fuarked always it goes this way psychosis is around the corner get my life straight that is what I need to do

lets try this but more seriously come on i wasnt even trying to type what the fuarrrk like some idiot,id don't know what to type what to want what to be what to live how to know how to be it makes sense ok damn right just change don't force it damnit you keep doing that but that wont go anywhere stop. her.who what do you want to achieve here.it doesn't matter who why shut up i'm not talking to you.right.music soothing underwater.wast it a good choice to put on music ist it interfering i am making typos fuarrrk this.can i stop now . no keep going its like im not typing my thoughts but dictating my thoughts to be typed but this is really how i think huh, its artificial and i cant tell which thoughts are real and which are a controlled script which i push to not have anything slip by. this makes me a very dull boy. why am i so dull. dense retard fuarrrk.anger anger. relax why.its not needed.dysfunctional.this isa mistake.its a delusion.i dont see where this will lead. its hopeless and i know it there is nothing to have and no goal to strive for its a lost cause stop i cant.fuarrrk man.my hands look like they are made of rubber. who glued these things to me? what a prank.narrative.fake.interrupting.drop the pretense. pointless. ok mybe chill?

If there is a real likeness to being understood (whoever designed auto correct is probably a rape victim), perhaps the decision is to be in the most common idea of something simple so that nothing can fall through the cracks and all appropriate variables are accounted for in encountering the subject between what is lying and what is truth. It's all about children to you crazy sluts, anyway.

We're bored What am I doing, boring, I blame myself, fuarrrk. Why am I cold? Shit, I'm sick of it, I want to sleep, I want to go home. Alone Alone, sleep, I'm sick of it, it itches, I want to go home. Grey mustache, éléonore, fuarrrk, I can't take it anymore Timothy soykaf, asshole I can't take it anymore, asshole, leave me please. Moaning, morning. Cold, my eyes hurt, it itches. Ouch, not bad, that's cool, I like it, it moves. Boo boo boo my back itches, it hurts, help me I'm sick of it help me. All alone I want to fart, it itches. Snort, come on. I'm cold, help me please. It's alright it's alright it's alright it's alright it's alright it's alright. How are you? I'm fine, how about you? I'm sick of it, the batteries. When does this stops? I want... nothing. Wow come on it itches. I'm hungry help. When will the extortionist come out? Buddha,war hammer, it's cold tonight. My eye. Button, I miss you old freak, I'm bored help me. Turn off, I'm turning off. It's gonna ring, it's gonna ring. My back, not bad. Am I a robot? Am I a robot? We're bored. What do I want? Breathe, scratch everyday. MY HEAD What boredom, I'm sick of it. I miss them, fuarrrk, come back, I can't take it anymore leave me alone. Damn this was weirder than I thought it would be

>>2696 tu du du aphex twin tu du du snake in the water why should I bother? haha great meme ti du du du di di ti du ti du du du di di haha it's so much fun when you do it alone your basement in your attic in your mobile phone haha now the best part i can't even uuuu this "u" is my favourite key on keyboard (note that I wrote favourite instead of favorite). I recently learned that in english it's synthesiser instead of synthesizer haha loosely inspired by Aphex Twin "Vordhosbn"

look ahead i promise nothing will happen to you i promise thjat everything will go ahead and fix after i see the light you see i know gold is not gold i know you silver blue and me nothing to be focused on i look at light lan and i see nothing but like you and me hi hold hands i promise nothing will happen i promise kindly that you are my friend the light isnt being so friendly i promise that you are my knight in watch duty dont stop what you're doing i promise i promise nothing will happen to you look at me i dont know what im doing to you i know that i am not lying i am not seeing the light you see i know what you are and it doesnt bring any comfort to know that you are what you are when you see everything around me isnt you and thinking that me isnt the same as same before crush my hand i point to the sun and it doesnt point at you i know that it shouldnt but its ok i know that it should but its not me maybe today i will see out and seek my charter it doesnt look like it maybe it will rain and maybe i will see it obsessive compulsive disorder and disorder disorganization distant displeasure instants instance time isnt going to change big dog da da damn time i think you are me but i cant see me that s ok and i know its night time never never ever to see my friends ever ever never hold finger i cute dont think heart eyes and emojis and you are not my friend its ok but i cant resist the resistance to urge turn run away i think you are cute and i think i i i you cant not do that press eggie instant time instance time file ever

my name jeff irish dude stinky people dude godamnit gosh suck it fuarrrk hello benis mind bernie good fuarrrk streaming pepee mindful gosh stealth heil hitler misandry bender

so here we begin the tale i suppose it wont be easy to tell if i type it all in one stream. there is happiness in the locket but im not sure where i placed that many years ago. i was able to see through things much more clearly as i gree older but now its as if time is tejecting me and telling me thst everything is transparent. there is no existence anymore and im confused and thrilled by this thought. i greet each day with anxious fatigue and have no clear motivation. is it depression or the knives i want inside of me. i am fear. i exist only because i want to and so do you. there is no real thought only patterns and thoughts we have always had thousands of us throughout time. piece by pice when you finally unfold the truth there will lie a paradise in it. and like eden there are forbbiden things. once i dive deeper into the pain the world has i realize that we are all pain. there is really no safety. there is no peace mot even and rarely within ourselves. organized victims and oppressors. thats who we are. i live. each thought is like a breath. every tree is thinking and im happy to walk past each one. i know the one in the alley watches over me. thaknyou. i am dumbfounded by our stupidity and lack of empathy. everything is alive and we are blind. what is worse than a tree who speaks and is completely ignored? the sleepiness is overcoming me and i cant keep clear thoughts so now i will justbwrite here. here. i am falling into a pattern of thought. i remembered tonight how as a fhild i would often fear waking up and being a kid again and dreaming of my whole life. to this day that is still a feeling. i cant really tell dreams from reality anymore. i believe in weird thoughts. i dont know who i am.

You know what I'll do this whatever I'm going crazy whatever this is big very cool and nice but I'd like some pesntus and Pepsi right now so give them to me or else I'll kill your family haha just kidding but this is rather weird, no? I'd like to move on while I do the thing you asked me to do and this is so incredibly orange juice that I'd play it whenever you want or I'd kill someone for it, would you? I would at the very least so therefore I will, much like Descartes I draw such conclusions with much ease rather than not and I move on as I speak about various subjects that no one has any control of and I do this to annoy it as to kill it with its own power regardless of its power level I do this anyway so therefore I am a hero right so be it, just like Shakespeare said I do so and he is proud of me like a summers day and that makes me very happy, or does it?

mhmm, Typing, That's the soykaf, Schizophrenia. ok.I don't think i can follow my own thoughts im too tired .the music is like space. ok. don't.swallow. wet. i'm not hungry.ok.depends on who you ask. alright ok damn i say tha t a lot or rather think that a lot check the camera see if anyone is coming. ok . alone. I'm not actually schizophrenic i jut read a bokk about it. guitar. this isn't very engaging but.ok. whatever . i wanted to type something but i forgot what it was. brain damage. absolute retard. i can't tell if im pretending to think or actually this is what thinking is like. i can't monitor my own thoughts like this abd be myself at the same time it's like i cease to exist when i start observing myselft. ft. that made sense ok. thump. i didn't think that but felt that. not real.ok. its wailing.whaling. white whale. not relevant but i should read more. i need to busy myself when i read i can think less but eventually thoughts overpower my attention. crying. hello. hi! more friendly. i'm ok. I am breathing fine. hi mom! tea, GWEEN TEA. i like green tea. gochiusa wasn't nearly as good as i wanted it to be. It was really mediocre and i only remember it for some stupid memes.DAS RITE. i can't tell if i'm ommitting thoughts or this is real unedited stream of consciousness. tHat's a really weird word what the fuarrrk english. ok. I feel ok. Hello. Looping brain. only because of the reality of fear. Hi! i looked at the screen oh no. Why have i done that. haha jk it's cool. I'm really goddamn stupid wow. byebye.

this is what I ended up writing: Enter the night time you don't ever know why but the hypocrisy of the times when reality usurps the world u[p uppy downy downer the synapses of your nerves the nerves of your synapses what is life but not as a dream for the unimaginary people of the twenty first century I haven't eaten ice cream since 1994 when I wasn't a fetus but an egg and a sperm to be made to procreat create c plus but for you reath argh agatha you don't understand hannah you don't understand claudia doesn't understand lesbia who death debt your strike up yours godless fuarrrkstorm get punked you weasily man member of the disjointed few of the cult of zoroaster gogogoth over the happy bridge of the unmonumental valley of dream feels and the green grass on the crags of sea foam and the grassy desires fo the sun and the melanin in my skin as it tans while my naked rotting corpse lay bare on the beach without sun traces and sun rays to radiate and cause tumors I am dead I am alive I am am am am very very great times tidiings health your heakth you monstrous weird maker of spheres I maxed out the lines but we dont know the times we don't know them for fuarrrks sake for fuarrrks sake you don't know soykaf I want to help you you close yourself like a clam in secrecy well all of your brain can be divided in three parts so you better call me Caaesar because I'm here to conquer the grass of your scalp the red red tall tall of the fall in your shine and shimmer the sun loves to smile with full lips and deliver from me the good vibrations of an eerie vision and holy geometry in holy matrimony in holy godliness but when you liked to free my headspace for free further than you could ever fuarrrking know darling oh darling when do I see these people frescos of naked men caressing their own brethern in arms how I love and want to be with them those holy beautiful men men men mental fuarrrking hell hole you there for life when I decide I'm done I shall be done when you decide you're sick I felt the pressure compression and now here comes the part walking on asphalt in Forest Hills listening to Cocteau Twins I didn't know if you were going to be alive when I got back but sitting on the orange line seats and under the fluorescent lights I began to drift away outside of my body into heaven where I saw the pink lights and slept with David and his muscles were so soft and smooth and sweat yet they couldn't compare to the feeling of the pure wet swampland in my mouth and the bacteria filling jup my ear drums oh how I love to write for you in hexameter lines but my time is going to be over in a jiffy so don't leave my side until I leave yours because I am floating in outer space baby darling I am a curtain curtailing curfews got goethe goat cheese cheering on the alliterative nature of the freaks those fuarrrkers they didn't know it but the sword s dangling above them like cotton curves out of the marble with which you sculpt my sanity oh fortune how I praise thee I want you to know that I shall take part in your arms and eat of thine heaert for the fire you concede was like honey not mead but the broth of the fire was too dense for the coronary corazon of cors but yet hearth heat of you can't compare why is it so loud oh god ogh fuarrrk oh fortuna you heavily heavenly dog you I swear I shall veer off course and hit a dear deer dearing the buffalos buffalowing me to sleep don't say I didn't warn you you fuarrrking absolute absolution absolve me absolve the sins I am sin I am death destroyer of worlds but now I'm but a fragment of the washed out shores of Troy with with wihht that that hthat your can't of will yet she never knew him how dare they how dare we relay the message the relience of relieviation god sing me to sleep and make me a comfortable bed where I may melt away away I am too sorrowful for the going away party but the church in Europe where I can take part in daily bread surely doth love me yes? Do you know the muffin man but like do you really know him? Now come out of your pulchritude and kiss me lachrimose and uneven fulfill the sorrow sorrow my sorrow only go knows

I'm connecting with select people more than I would have thought plausible a year or two ago, and I think I'm being rewarded for it. I know who I can express certain thoughts to and who I can't say certain things to. I can do it without being dishonest, it's a matter of knowing the audience. I have issues with trusting myself and sometimes I don't really know why. Caution characterizes a lot of my inner monologue. Change is good, except when it isn't. Growth is good might be a better distillation of that thought. I want to write something that people will remember, something iconic. I read the first published work of someone I admire and looking at how much that person grew in four years, it all seems so possible now. I could actually fuarrrking do what that person did, the person's first attempts are downright clunky compared to the recent stuff. Wasted a few minutes of my time here getting distracted by stuff in my environment. I should start a dream journal again, maybe leave that zzz thread up in a tab if it's still around. My dreams make such good fodder for writing.

>>2632 the world as an entity is very esoteric beyond much basic belief, reality as an entity is very much made up of definitions and rules that as being made up can generally be bent and changed with the mind, thus the mind as an item and a tool can act almost as bender of reality, pain into pleasure, uglyness into beauty. bob the builder, is a childrens cartoon in which the bohemian rhapsody fuarrrks reddit using a different game than stvirtonomics the lamp is in existance next to the waterbottle but doesn't believe much in human reality, a fly therefore lives in the different reality, and thus cannot be expected to dever understand future or humans talks as a human even if given the molecular and biological functions of brain and human with bug memories, perhaps get at what i, with much understanding philosophically both wish to be the nihilist and the moralist, the punk and anarchist and the well structured intellectual, thus two different realites of exist, the confident, and chaotic, and the well thought well disciplined and well structured, thus as a person i exist within two states i am chaotic and also well spoke, without much drive to continuie things but also with no ability to stop aBSORBING info, im sorry if this is gettin g so + but i think that my ex girlfriend really just depended on me as an emotional rock in her ocean and i abandoned her and left her to rot in her own problesm. maybe i am not the person i think i am, but the result of my action spilling over to thought, how can the person i am be so disgusting to myself yet i see myself as my perfect idealised self why am i so skared of the future and the world and the possibility of dying in mediocrity why do i want to be remembered in history despite not doing that much to be recognised why do i simultaneously have a cynicism towards my abilities and a napoleon complex i am autistic? or am i insane i don't know, i want to give in but i also just want to work and do better, i want to let my sanity slip further and further in a deep fascination with the breaking of mental limits and the further recesses of the human mind and the dream psyche why is isolation affecting me so badly this hurts

I really wonder what's going on. Something about the way the world works makes me wonder. It's like there's a constant push to produce things which don't actually do anybody anything good, but we still push. Awards, rewards, things that push people to achieve seem to be the things that get people to push forward, yet these things are provably false. Nobody actually responds to these things in ways that produce the best possible outcome. When rewarded, people tend to perform worse. Funny that. Yet we continuously produce things that don't advance the human condition, but rather regress the situation over and over and over again. Advertisements. These are the apex is failure, since they only involve manipulating people. Technology is psychopathic, it lacks remorse and consciousness, pushing people in ways that fail to actually involve the human condition beyond the immense, extraordinary failings of the psyche. We think we're so great, so enlightened, so special. The fact is we're actually failures, and we're hurdling toward a terminal endpoint. The end is coming yet we say to ourselves "I'm special" and yet we continuously fail to achieve that goal. I hope that perhaps I'm wrong, that I'm pleading into a dark night that has no hopes for my pleads, and in fact reflects the ground truth, the truth of people acting in accordance with their nature. This means that my hopes will be false, because what is true does not accord with my warped worldview. It's just a thing that I hope this thing is real, but can I prove it? No. I cannot prove that which depends on things which are certain, because nothing is certain. I cannot relapse into the mindspace of things which are uncertain, when I know it is certain. To this, it is certain that my words will carry forth into the ether of events that other people with observe, and hopefully carry forth into the grand beyond. I have hopes, and those hopes reflect the character of my being. I hope that we all make it, in some way. To be, to be a person, to be a person who thinks, to be a person who thinks of things which are good. These are the things which I think of. Yet I see myself, an evil and twisted individual, an aberration, as the thing which the world hates. Please let me be the thing which is good an the thing which is worthy. It isn't enough. It isn't enough to be a thing which is worthy. To be without a god or a being to direct me, I am but at the mercy of myself and the world. There's twenty seconds remaining and I wish to hope for my clan, the group of people like me. I hope and wish that you all are ok. (edited for spelling beyond the time allotted, but only minorly. Please judge my words with mercy).

Umm, what do I write? fuarrrk this is dumb. Wow, I need to not suck at writing so much. ADHD probably makes this harder. I should go to bed. I wish there was something to watch on youtube. ooh i Should watch The Clone Wars. I am thinking so much faster than i can type. fuarrrking COVID-19, im sich of being stuck inside. I wonder if it will rain tomorrow? i hope so, rain is nice. I should try this with my discord Friends. wow I suck at spelling, I wish i could spell. I wonder... How long has it been? I want to check, but I don't want to stop writing. I forgot what I was going to write. Why do I write "lol" so much when I type? it's probably because I’m socially awkward, and don't want to give off the wrong tone while i write. hmm... I don't know what to say anymore, why is my Mind going blank? I wonder when the Next SpaceX launch will be? I can't wait for their first manned mission. I hear a ringing noise. Is that tinnitus? I don't think so, because it goes away most of the time. Or am i just used to it? The brain normally ignores a constant stimulus, so is that it? maybe. Why am i Capitalizing random words when I write? Is it the words I hear Louder in my head? I don't know. wow i have been typing for a while, I wonder how long? Am i typing a lot, or a little? think of something interesting to say. remember to write down everything you think. I'm getting impatient, I want to be done. Im proud of myself tho for writing This long. I wrote in caps again. Why? the words are piling up. My ear itches. annoying. duckduckgo is a good browser. I want to listen to music. nothing sounds good right now though (haha a pun) what? who @ed me on discord. wtf are they talking about? i should look. naw ill keep writing. I’m having fun. I wonder how long its been fuarrrk it im looking. oh it's done. I wonder why it didn't make a sound?

>>3003 Some points. 1. People aren't special. A lot of this is advertisements and the media telling you, you are more special and better than everyone around you, and that your favorite corporate products, advertisers, actors and musicians are there to help you, and everyone around you, including your friends are just holding you back. Trust them, and not people around you. 2. Human Nature is an oxy-moron. "In their nature" is an excuse to bad behavior or to fatalist attitudes of why you can't change anything. It makes you feel helpless and stupid. Again, worshiping the same advertisements and celebrities who tell you they are here to "protect" you from your friends holding you back. While there might be a "human nature", humans by nature are an entirely artificial species, that not only defined by technology, has been using technology and living in society so long we've evolved around it. The first singularity of humanity happened a very long time ago and we can't go back? Even still, would you? Hence comes the embarrassing position of the reactionary and fascist, who at one time admires the less civilized for their closeness to nature, and at the same time seeks to smash them with weapons and technology brought forth by liberals and advancement. What can we do? We can start looking to each other for answers. At very least stop making each other feel weak, stupid and powerful to appease politicians, celebrities, and other rich and powerful abusive goons.

>>2632 >don't stop typing now keep going eh mamamam here in new york for finding joy in music You are about 2 decades too late for that. Most of the old music subculture was murdered, chopped up and sold as bits by/for hipsters and other goons.

Oh jesus, the pressure is too much. I can't stand the idea of seeing my own thoughts on paper, let along others seeing it. Am I an egomaniac for doing this? Am I saying "I" too much? This is basically what I do in my English classes anyways. The teacher always liked it. Who am I kidding, I was rediculous. What if my spelling isn't right? I can't understand why this works I mean if I'm typing on a keyboard then it can't be a stream of consciousness because it's mediated by my hands, fingers, eyeballs, all the soykaf. When I think of a stream of consciousness I think of good writers describing characters that are actually interacting with the world around them, not isolated dorks on a computer. Me. An Isolated dork on a computer, so bored that I'm willing to go onto lainchan and interact with various nerds on a board that was started in 2019. I guess that's how it is now.

it feels like my skin is bursting and i am flying to heaven why does it hurt so much jesus oh my god it hurts so much i didn't want this ever never no NEVER WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME i feel my body plastering into a wall like the tree of life and nothing has ever resolved birth death derth ???Uj4rj i feel like she is my mother but she is not i know she's not and i know this very well... waiting to hit the ground with my metal body at full force it is nothing like christian tradition and i feel sorry for it. lorem ipsum dolor sit amet forgive me lord. my mind is breaking because i'm falling apart like broken pastries and nothing is happening again. why this? why me? i'm being punished for something that never happened and i am not being punished for it. the bolt flies from heaven and splits me in half. i feel new things splitting out of my skin, as it becomes dried... worn, something old. i am metamorphosis in my own skin, and i have only realized now. goodbye mom, it was good knowing you and mor because it feels like death derth birth or what i don't know because it's burning. it's burning that's all i feel. it's like i'm in a vat of hydrochloric acid and the acid is burning my pores and rotting my upholstry. i am losing my personhood... my humanity and it is my fault. this what i've done

okay writing aztecravemonkey orang elemon was fine but to much sugar or not too much or too much sour when i drink it it is not much fine when i do it but they say when i do it it either not i dont feel it but they do and cant find good lemonade anywhere because they think aqeufl sorry i hcant keep doing this for many oh god oh fuch this guy cant keep his making nosnesense thinking two things at the same time otbuth thats impossible yes but now thing i cant keeep ul this for long so sorry i take somethins break after writing for 5 minuests striaght into hell nothing juvenile sorry zuphile jooke s on you eight ball what is gatcha is 8ball imprtant what is it so ithought of fantasy story no didnt hudson fairy tale youjo anime hahahah senkond disa dian dolariona doliornion zuhklaon zor zur zur zur zur halkj aoka yi dude this not this time too fast for me grug grug huztjklbm too hard every letter i see i think of it so sometimes carry aaway diensley land eiffel tower toyko twoer is deiffernce haha stealer cherry blossom sega company mad eemountain thanks tof u chan i am aztecravemonkey from the town of sedesrt aztec epire montezuma in to orange flag not thy i dont know whatsay the feel the sugar when i dont feel anything same it is very sour when i put lemon but when i dont put lemon i dont feel like it is like water it is yellow or not maybe a water but it is a different kind of ater so i turn to other juice but i cant since sick of applke jucie that is not pure apple juice you know the fake one is kind of disgusting actualy makes me go puke so i cant find much of pure apple juice and orange juice too i cant drink orange juice that is not pure in its kind and not store or fake it makes me wnt to puke drinking the fake thing juice one and one time i tried black current and it was pretty okay and another time i asked for it and they brought me juice in the restaurnt that was zoomn nit ahd 15 procent only of what i asked ore dman 15 procento when i looked at it from the back little text showing it and ikw as ver mad but then tought it was funny i saw it and told people i could talk like family and maybe other cizitens that i personalzy maybe know about it but only i laughed and the meat that was in the restaurnt cousin was its strange name it was strange it was name the strange so i thought hahah ti sounds wront the in english visualy not audioly that is not a word yes i sometimes make wors like that uo because i cant fin dright word but most time i cant e think of word even when i try so i bluushit it ehwne i think of it sorry for fwrong inglush you said we can talk like whoverer we want and enligh is not fine lanuage that i can speak an d i am typning wfast i as i can +owrd after anothe ri think in my head i thinmkk it is not like that i ever though corona virus time hahah cringewotrhty hahah cring eis actualy cringe worthy 2 uoper lines you know the ones uppercusses there we go again make wnew word juice i had another time eand it was normal juice i didnt thing about it evangelion opening juice orange juice at the end hahah no that was not the point i am thinking too fast to keep up with typing since i type too s,lowy to make wthe words bmaecasbe sanese with tmy thinking oi am tsrying to just make sens eible story with nex word i kepep zed huh horse but i ket du8 8 huh huh huh distrac boom boo m nhuhjkolčpjhngvfdedededededede to wo letterg ]]] that thinks fine i amnm not oarnege stream or consucines cde geass i am not lelouch command yous think normalyy slowly for cudks sake ii cant keep up up the movie anymore the end of italy bboom m§ oph srry wshit shi why was writing at wrong place at wront gtime ggggggghjklok letters when i think so it is hard sine constantly have to look at letters ot not look at omsehintg else plus typting fasz zzohlokpčmvo,,,....dididdjjjhhzhzgggvvvvv@@@@ @hook hulk amazing hul film enever saw maybe as kid but naw??? i wans not maybe i did was i cartoon i saw secene where bllod drip to form factory intos op can or antoher can that wads for something else i saw it sence ashit he went like that ahdn jumepd there ehwn ihe looked realizedc it was falling blood rip form his because he cut a shimself when he inside factory but how did he do tha i cant remember i so shard to fork that work that murder mytsery roblocx game hah roblox cringe kids not really goodg ames osmwhere t t t terrotrsits versus terrostreist rtrouble in terroristt townneotokyo soundtrack is good 7 7 77 that x files episodes 7 was good no it was 3 was it 3 or 7 i twas some number si had good music karl zer o doundrtack cha cha cha (italian gibberish i cant be bothered to learn lyrics) os co0ol hahah embaresided when writing what if they find out where i live but how can they i dont know tehcnology so maye they cant or can they not toes it show my ip like onreddit where the mods can dox or reveal o r dox me when ieve rthey lieke di mean dislike me mushishi wel drop down stars zoo skiy stars but ground dark house manson it is msall japan house traditional small floor feet odd feet hwof feet iwthout odd footwear when cold there we go

Marre du confinement envie de sortir, le printemps est là, la pluie. Et oui je suis french user rien à foutre je peux pas faire du automatic writting en anglais. traduis avec giggle sit u veux. Rien d'intéressant de toute façon. L'écriture automatique est une farce car rien que de le faire c'est y penser donc matérialiser une idée précise. je préfèrre les sigils. 10 minutes c'est trop long alors fuarrrk off. Mais bon allez il faut continuer tenir tenir tenir. Musique triste, Joy Division c'est très bien. J'ai souvent envie de mourir mais à ce stade c'est une private joke entre moi et moi. Du coup j'aime vivre en ayant envie de mourir. C'est le sel de la vie lol. La vie est ainsi faite il faut tenir, rein à foutre rien à foutre rien à foutre. La vie n'est pas difficile, il faut savoir vivre avec c'est tout. Cet exercice est ridicule mais c'est fun alors on continue. Les oiseaux chantent le printemps est là. Confiné confiné confiné musique café. 10 minutes c'est trop long je ne sais pas où ça va mais ça coule comme une rivière. Envie de rivière envie de mer envie d'océan. M'attendras-tu quelque part? Suis-je condané à érrer jusqu'à la délivrance? J'ai surmonté bien des épreuves. Le sel de la vie. Envie d'évasion, envie de sommeil envie de toi? Qui toi? Envie de personne. Tu n'existes plus je t'ai tué dans mon esprit. Vivre est suffisant mourir c''est la simplicité même mais k'y faire sans raison est cruellement surcôté. Il faut le faire pour de bon quand le momentvient. j'ai cru ce moment venu plusieurs fois. Mais j'ai grandi? Je veux vivre. Je veux mourir aussi mais j'ai encore des souffrances à vivre. Allez j'arrête là parceqque y'en à marre ça tourne en rond et ça devient edgy. Edgy is good certains disent. Je ne crois pas. La vie est ainsi faite il faut s'en tenir à des conventions dictées (arbitrairement?) par des siè_cles d'évolution, un lieu, un temps. Que restera-t-il si ce n'est le vide et son potentiel infini. Tout est contenu. Allez stop stop stop fin de transmission c'était drole quand même Lainon. Des bises.

I decided now would be a good time to do this because I'm not predisposed and my mind is relatively relaxed to the point where I can turn my thoughts into my words. Not sure how it will go or anything. I forgot to start the timer and I just started it now. Lucky that I caught that earlier or it would have been really bad. The words I'm trying to make them flow out of my head but without subjects it is a litttle bit more difficult i mean harder I mean difficult. My hands look gross and that makes me sadkeys I'm typing ok though I mean I guess my words aren't working right but when you start to go faster they lose what you meant to make of them and slip into banana when you say monkey over and over it loses its meaning the thoughts are kinda like monkey despite this I can keep up the pace alright to the point where the thoughts are about matching my pitiful wpm which is disgusting I really need to improve that music is on I'm listeningg to it I hear something but i dont know what I looked behind me no one is there I think? I dont know it's hard to tell because I don't want to get up and all this time I must type to keep up the pace and a new song game on and I dont know if I should have music on because that that stuff might affect my typing and what comes into my brain whicbh is premeditated someone else's thoughts not mine but I guess if I'm not real my thoughts aren't but maybe I am but probably not even though that sounds silly it's hard to explain when you up the pace. I guess people that get it get it and those who don't are those who disagree, me isn't really important I guess just a conduit or a device to translate stored ideas. Maybe it's more but probably not. Just a useless sack of flesh. Sounds like lain tryharding sorry that's a little embarassing. I guess that came to my brain because my brain came to my brain i mean typing came to my brain and I didn't properly remember I was writing this for a purpose I keep a journal but dont't think much of it at all it's quite silly to do these sorts of things ow ow song invaded my brain I tried to expel it as hard as I could how much time is left that really hurt what the hell sorry for swearing trying to stop its a running gag with my mom jesus says not to swear but shes not hear so you wouldn't find that joke funny and it would just ocme off as stupid and weird which is sad that I wish I had a better sense of humor and was smarter and better looking but instead it's quite depressing being not me because I don't exist hypocrite. I catch myself in stupidity and want to stop. that's fuarrrking retarded idiot why say stuff that only makes sense in theory. The mind's like a circle you can theorize it but not draw it perfectly it's in itself I don't know why I try to comprehend consciousness it's either nonsense or impossible to reduce outside of its own frame the music caught my attention again and time feels like it's screeched to a halt and I feel like I'm going to through up which is disgusting kist i threw up gross I need to spit it out into a paper tow

nothing really changed for me in the last three years. People seem more remote than ever, and I think that's just due to my incapability of planning for the future. There's a permanent hunch to my frame, and although it's unbecoming I'm starting to accept my jutted chin and achy neck. Because this is where I am, this is who I am, and there's little else out there to change it. Budding and wither - blossoms and popped capillaries. Somedays the moments in between rest I think that maybe things did turn out differently than what I expected. I've been thinking about meaning of words lately, and how so invested we are in their meaning, yet transpose the words onto our consciousness and see the mismatch immediately with your memory map. I may consider something dead - but I see death more as a form of lifelessness, not incapability of moving. I call something dead; you may imagine a corpse, I imagine the office desk. Brainwashed, your hair and freckles, button nose and air drops inbetween us - I only know that there's nothing to remediate this stupidity. For whatever complexion none can recover the irreverisbility of their implants, their everything onto someone. Byproducts we become, and you can again see always the disjointedness in time. Five years from now I may be alive, I like the schrodinger approach to reality. To live in the present, to be with the present, is that not eternal life? And of the children on the playground, the basketball their center - they tossle around their locks and think nothing, know everything that this is what is there, these people around me - and although the reverie comes along immediately there's the culling of wish and health. Where of our smiles, and our traces of numbers, letters of schooling? And the caterpillar hatches in the carousel we've planted it in. It does flutter along the playground, and then there's a broken chin along the metal joints the staircase lends us. Paramedics, blue gloves - and a caprisun to still suck on. Aritificial flavors paired with paradise encapsulated not by our captors but rather our innate ability, the direct link to our present. Delusion settles in, despair comes after: what to live but for tomorrow, and yet all tomorrows mimic today. I don't know where I am going, but I know we all have our stories. Paired with this doubt of words, I find it amusing that many have their own cotton web holding onto their stories for New Years, and we hose it down with some drugs, even when the our spider slaves construct it again menacingly. And with a wince you'll know it's still in its corner.

>>3026 Not really sure how you interpreted it as that. I'm not really sure what I was saying either though

when was i want where forever no where whatever for whatever and i then began to become forever until never until and then i for now became then they hung me on the beach and the youth became me and i hung forever until the tonight became the today and forever until then whatever until youth becomes yourself forever death comes guy once and then hugged me

what you call Stream of consciousness writing is what people call Automatic Writing ig, it was used by surrealists

Head head morning running water tap bug what was it cant remember fuarrrk pain blinking cursor nothing to write pain headache door opens footsteps water what time is it this is boring no hard feelings op noise music what do i put on after this is done eeeh i ll check later so busy yet so in pain fuarrrk do i have painkillers probably i ll check 5 mins remaining for this to end all this was probably consious thoughts anyway whatever got to call (redacted) later meh stomach hurts fuarrrk got to sleep noise birds cars jammit fuarrrk sleepy cant sleep too late now street work

street work the spoon man water flows like rain plastic cellophane dreams over and under lemurs dripping from the cobwebs in the temple of doom zoom okeki okaki a cockle 24/7 whole shut the front door life is a bore i wish i could stop fuarrrking rhyming words god damn it butterfly needles nurses with fat asses time passes oh look rhyming again internal dialogue really is like kicking dead whales down the beach dick i try to cut it out but i do it all of the time, this is what my thoughts look like a lot of the time, clear conscious sentences describing what is going on in my head it plagues me, things never used to be like this when i was yo- i try to cut it off bu- brain red door paint black spider skunk animals 420ch tan christoph man black teal smoke veal patrick oneil butterfly needles rain rain go away flickering pain giraffe antalope black people the clit

under the sun there is a bright sky and there is an understanding person with a big smile and a big heart the way the world works is that I hate you with a passion go on and run hunted in the woods remains unseen and unforeclosed sold to the market with an indescribable high price I hate to repeat myself but I must on this occasion since there has been an incident of great importance with the utmost importansce I must say that it is quite sad that this man whose life was so short did not understand that he may have been so important and that there may have been more to his life within the walls of his room and the window on hias wall the way he conducted himself was very orderly and special with a tinge of arrogance understanding his emotional state will make you understand your own and the mental blocks in your unconscious moonjumping is a hobby in wich one jumps to the moon a big jump and a leap to the stars and a big step forward for us all down here on earth the meaning of life on this earth with this life is hidden in the bedrock of your mind and our mind we all sahre in the hivemind of the universe with undisclosed time restraints with the way you are you are an interesting fellow with a gun in your back pocket and a smile on your face, a big grin from cheek to cheek with no time to think let alone to explain his actions he made his escape from the ship on your sea viewing her hair her blue dress from the hospital window unconsciously watching you walk on the street with an armchair t shirt on you weirdly enough not a bad saying in my heart with a special space in my hearrt and my mind that is full of thoughts and experiences and foggy memories from yesterday with a crust

lainchain the worlds they not worlds words backspace backspace my mind is on backspace and mind and look at those fingers go bony bouncy too slow too keep up maybe if I could type faster its mostly those 2 fingers on each side doing the typing this is gonna sound schizo i am a schizo i love lucy licille lebalk type is not thoughts words lumpy salad breaking busting the tyrthm the whatever it is i cant keep up this is just me laying our a phrase ahead of time not real time a head a head im going back in time to pick up thoughts 10 minutes look at the clock dont didnt kept typing still is typing what next im running out of things to type thinking thinking what is thinking thinking thinking thinking bang bang bang keys hard fast slow relax doesnt work that way bucko ok now the words are changing as im getting to the beginning of the word except this previous sentance that was all meticulously written in time black hat lunge space flu vaccine larry davis jumping jack flint mexican lemon llolita pops cherry very merry christmas to all then a good night to all splitting paths again. I AM SPLITTING PATHS AGAIN bunny jumps on I'm done. No way I could do this for 10 minutes.

general late teen angst im tired i dont want her to like me but she does and i feel obligated to like her back i want to go back to school i need a way to channel my destructive eneryfy i want to acieve enlightenment s there a higher place? how do i become physically attractive do girls only like me because of my looks i dont know how to be romantic i dont know how to be romantic publically i want to leave my house i want to go to college i want this all to be over

Where is the world headed is god alive and well in heaven does he look down on us with empathy or disavowment pity or disgust? To be yourself when all is lost is truly you in the end. If we stray from the path of sheep we can only wish to be dogs, or wolves. It seems wolves think themselves dogs and the dogs scared to go too far and be a wolf. Hedonistic pleasure and loneliness seem as far as two coin faces but at the end of the day you are what you eat and you are how you fuarrrk. If I could go back in time and fuarrrk some more people and unfuck some I would. I would but maybe. How do my choices differ from kings and allmighty to peasants and others among the disguises we wear to hide the psycopathery deep down? How many connections have we made to hide our psychopathy instead of using it machavellingly to kneel before god? When will humans become one on earth or burn in the pitiful end of the sun, the flame, and crack the thunder and strike the lightning? ...!!:&&$$ Pale Reality, PsychoSchematic Dead God Jiggy Human Onion breath booty cheese Swamp Ass Shrek Mozzarella done with this, i am , yoda jump in cbox 360 new plus 420 death wish Stop. Ponder. Adapt. Fled. Now. Then. Why. Doesn't matter Oh My God. How?? Dollar Sign 3 minutes now to go hush baby dont say a word its ok you have the lord technology and vanity are similar vanity is nothing new Nothing Is New Under The Sun, Only Vanity Expands in its merciful effort , clinging on, holding, tempting, purposeful, purposeless, a cycle, a board, a feather, a rope. Tie Yourself Down And Float To The Top. Can You Find A Way? (o_oo) watch your back keep an eye to the front. 3 2 1 3 2 1 3 2 1 3 2 1

In a crouded room to the miner purchased loser what on earth am I doing is this real life is this the end of times I don't know what there is to do its all going away into the end of the world it's all gone to soykaf I hae this it's not good it's the worst of times or is it the best of times I cannot determine my current state it cannot be known a system cannot evaluate it's own state of being it simply cannot be done what can we do about our current situation will it end am I dying no of course I am not dying I am breathing I am healthy I am okay its okay I am okay dont panic its alright dont worry its okay I am doing better at this moment its fine or am I lying I could be lying but Id rather not think about it I dont like thinking shut my brain off please I dont want to think anymore I want to be a jellyfish and float just float in the ocean like a freedom fighter dying like a freedom fighter all these people fighting in a twilight room sparrows flying overhead bombs dropping lighting up

I miss jude she's cute shes cool I really like her I cant see her right now but she likes me she wants to leave her boyfriend but would she I know she dislikes him I know shed rather date me but the stars are not aligned I have to go to school I cannot give up my career for a girl its just stupid Itd be bad to settle down I have to bounce around take advantage of my youth sleep around dont settle down meet new people but that makes me vulnerable It makes me open to heartbreak should I just go full autism and be a hermit for the rest of days and just do math alone? it'd be good for productivity I wouldnt have the distractions of other people maybe social interaction is a waste of time, if I got rid of my friends maybe I'll make significant contributions to my field no thats a stupid line of thought I need friends to survive I need social interaction everyone needs social interaction lack of friends leads to worsened symptoms of depression which would be a detriment to my work output but maybe I'm already depressed I really dont know I should get diagnosed maybe its my meds am I on withrdrawal god I hate psychiatrists they got me hooked on stims and now I cant get rid of them I need them to do my math studies I need them to do anything I don't have any motivation without them all I do is smoke weed and play video games without them. Should I go to bed? I have work to do tomorrow I have to study I really should study up on those Jordan regions and whatnot , whats going on in linear 2 do I have it down eigenvalues eigenvector eigenfunctions what else am I missing I'm sure theres more to it isn't there determinants and inner products right we talk about inner product spaces those are hilbert spaces right that's stuff with quantum mechanics I don't know much about that stuff its all counterintuitive math is just math it's all about the abstract, the generalizaTions I always think in generalizations maybe that's what's wrong with me I always generalize there I go again generalizing. do I generalize myself or my experiences, do I generalize my friends maybe that's just how my brain works I love generalizations I love reudcing work effort by abstraction I'll just abstract my problesm away it's doable I can do it yes I hope to be a great one someday have my name in the textbooks it will be glorious no it's not likely there are way more qualified people out there but maybe I just gotta keep going I am still young I can make contributions I just gotta keep learning I gotta keep going and pay attention in class it's hard to pay attention when it's all online. Oh no I still have to study on regression analysis and acalc, jordan regions right? it's also with total derivatives and the algebraic rules of derivatives what's compatible with derivatives of vector valued functions? those proofs are weird to follow I miss in person lectures I miss my classmates I don't talk to them much but they were alright they're pretty normal person but that's alright, they're people too with their own interests and I have to respect that at least they talk to me, they have good work ethic, better than mine I should follow their example but maybe not I am still doing well in my classes I just gotta keep coasting to the end of the semester maybe I'll graduate with straight A's I don't knnow its posssible I think but I could always get blindsided by a class I cannot get too confident otherwise I'll get knocked off my feet, why does my history professor think I'm doing well I don't know anything about history it jsut doesn't click math is way better I love math I love it so much it is my life there is so much beauty I cannot stop thinking about it what is it all about how did I get started on this how long have I been into this subject it all started with black holes I think they're really cool I was so young I was really young in the computer lab my brother showed me man I miss my brother I wonder how he's doing during these times should I text him no it'd be awkward we should talk more I just don't know what to say I am so awkward fuarrrk why am I so awkward cant even talk to my family it's all in shambles why can't I talk to people it's all going to soykaf I hate it all I just want to leave and never come back I want to be aloone in the mountains with nothing but food and porn haha that'd be the ideal way to live but its not sustainable I have to make a contribution to the world I have to make my life worth something I must do something It has to be done please just get the motivation just do it. now is not the time to beat yourself up over something that's out of your control You cannot control the virus ,, just have to play the waiting game

ohh here we go again jet set radio amirite? nah nah nah hm hm what was I thinking about talking about again? crazy how my mind was blazing racing just a minute ago an now that I want to do this its blank. WHat's up with that? crazy wavy wavy silver surfer urfer <-- that wasn't a typo. This is awfully different from the first time though. the first time was fuarrrking awful I had a tv playing in the back and couldn't concentrate goddamn BBC 60 minutes or whatever they call it nowadays now can you tell me about no dont think about the interview or the interviewer for that matter dont look back I saw blue I said dont look back but I saw blue yeah you did now stop looking im not looking youre thinking about looking and the brief moment you did look. stop doing that too you're way too tyrannical stop asking questions stop talking to yourself, bitch ahh dont look that guy had a chris chan sweater look going on. rest in peace to that guy chris chan I mean oh you mean chris chan yeah chris chan had a wpm battle with a Discord employee yesterday or rather two days ago why is she climbing the chair keep your eyes on the screen and tell me about discord no yes fuarrrk 6. 6god no discord. my wpm is soykaf how did he get 100+ wpm like that have you tried talking to any girls. I highly doubt getting girls affects wpm or vice versa for that matter fair enough. but that wasn't what I meant you ding dong I mean about talking to girls in general I dont wanna go in this direction. Its getting a little too personal for lainchain use a vpn if youre really scared then fine then but I still wont talk yes you will no I wont you have to what a shame then that my vision is augmented you're thinking too much too much? you shouldve seen me twenty minutes ago I was wilin'. Is that so yeah but I wont tell you. I bet you caused it dont blame it on me im you sometime I wonder about that. how do I know you're not just so good at being me that I forgot what being me looked like and thus became you, making your job all the more easier 2 minutes left you were right when you said you got good at this you weren't nearly as coherent before blame the BBC and the singing african lady they brought on she had a nice voice though maybe I should track her down by tracking you mean wait a minute you avoided the topic on girls earlier uhhh shut up shut up no you shut up and talk that makes no sense yes it does now buy a ps4 ahh go back go back fuarrrk these curtains 30 seconds and you can fuarrrk off whos even talking now its all melded together just the way I hate it is it really just one voice we have 10 9 8 fuarrrk off 5 4 3 22 1 ahh you missed it.

>>3170 For some reason I really like this one. True, incoherent schizo-posting at its finest, something akin to the Malkavian mind.

electrical systems can expect communication disruption probably shouldn do this while star trek is playing in the back. Wanna continue what yu started this morning no get in the queue oh so theres more no just get in the queue and stay there and dont annoy me you love me but you say im annoying fuarrrk off sun spots magnetifc field is extremely... irregular. I highly recommend bzzt not doing streamo of consciousness writing with a TV playing within earshot distance cus I know somebodys gonna see this 8 minutes why not take your mind off with some more introspective talking non no no no yes yes yes yes oui oui oui baguette baguette captain I have intercepted what appears let me guess shawn im on your reminds me of heavy rain heh heh what would make rain heavy in the first place inconsistent uss enterpise wherever you are yes fuarrrk I can't do this with the TV playing but I can't tell her to turn it off because I dont wanna tell her about this you dont wanna spill your feelings into writing you dont want to tell anyone about this what do you want do you want to bottle things like alcohol awfully poetic yes I know wpm yes I know vpn yes I know hmmmmmmmmmm soykaf soykaf soykaf soykaf dont panic soykaf soykaf ... soykaf third times the charm though technically this works just fine every time just need some wordless music perhaps you can see the difference in writings if you play different tones to people, is it different in isochronic versus binaural well if only I had someone to test it on as if you cant guinea pig yourself pig? It should be blind. yes it should be blind dad said you werent very observant to begin with so I bet it would be blind with you oof why you have to diss me like that what is your situation captain picard fuarrrk off baldie im trying to write no need to be rude hothead fuarrrk drink some water of glass or two will you? what is a computer analysis? is it ? aaaaaaaaaaaa shut up shut up star trek . yeah I can tell what youre thinking im you of course you can shut up and let me speak we only have two minutes just shut upp aaa you why do you manipulate me who is manipulating who are you coil coil misaligned distracted are you saying the you is not the only you perhaps why wouldn't it be that would invalidate a lot of DIsney shows wouldn't it shame shame shame shame. destructo droid can anyone else over there do it. have you or they perhaps lost memory youre not talking to yourself this is just as bad as the first time I know i'll try again next morning we have 15 seconds left after all yes well meet again this ended on a nicer note. not as rude I guess.

I had a conversation with my mother tonight, she told me about her family, particularly the tragic life of her grandma, suffering allienation from her family due to being a bastard. That got me thinking, feeling, about the forgetting, being forgotten, a second death, just as a inevitable as the first one. Similarly, we stil fight a futile struggle against it, either by having children, writing books, art, or trying to change the world. It's sad, it's fuarrrking sad, how our struggles and identities are going to be unknown even to our descendants. I myself don't know anything my mother's grandmother, other than what she told me, which is very little. Her story, her parent's story, I don't anything about them, nor about any other dead person whom I owe my very existence. Really, the only tie to them I have are the genes they passed on to me, it's the only real connection most humans have to their past. But people are more than their genes, their battles, their suffering, lovee, joy, hate, are so important. What a tragedy of existence that all of their's story, that all of our stories, that my story and the story of our loved ones, will be lost to time, inevitably. Remembering is a human concept, not like we will if we are remembered after we die, but oblivion yet awakes a fear, a sadness, just like death. Yes, I always thought it's foolish to worry too much about things that are inevitable, but even that way the thought everything we ever were disappearing without a trace is sorrowful. I am repeating myself, but I guess I have to make the most of the time I have, or some corny soykaf like that. You know, make sure to love and be loved and all that jazz.

one day the facade will fall apart and the mirror cracks and we'll have to look deep inside and see what we really are, introspection, I was born into a fuarrrked up world and those born after me into an even more fuarrrked up world because we couldn't do a damn thing, im sorry, fuarrrk, im so sorry, we just didnt have any power just like you won't, until this system blows over, but even after that, you've got to remember, remember the ones who made it this way, because they will be there, and if you let them take hold of power, history will surely repeat once again

>>2632 It's so sad it's sad sad sad I can't even begin to explain how weird is the licking of a god in your face entitling to be the best that this ing going to find to us. I don't even want to hurt you, it was never my plan, but you wanted me to. I know know know now that this is not the way that is used to. The good old he thought, well hello there I didn't think that you could breathe here in the bathtub. Get your own fuarrrking soykaf together. Why would you remember the things that you don't want to? Is this torture? Your frontal cortex is scrinckling as your death grandmas tongue. I need this, why wouldn't you give it to me. I fuarrrking want to slit my fuarrrking soykafty throat in two. I will speak from my new mouth and kiss you dad with it. You will love the circus, why I don't know if this is enough popcorn for both of us but we can share it. As long as you don't care being a fuarrrking ROOSTER ROOSTER ROOSTER cockroach in my head. There aren't popcorns this is your fuarrrking dog. Why would you do this to him. I don0t llike it anymore. You don't like it anymore. I need this fuarrrkING GIVE IT TO ME. Is this what you feel like honey? YOU'RE A fuarrrkING RETAR RETARDED MOOSE. I will fuarrrking slit my fuarrrking throat in the fuarrrking half. Don't try to eat the dog or I'll have to eat it, you know how this gets me in the woo woo HEY WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS HERE is this the red and blue well not american enought huh HEY HEY in this the black enough in my room. DON'T fuarrrkING SPILL IT OR I'LL HAVE TO SLIP SLIT SL disco disco now I can't the old man wanted to paint the wall and he told her that she would do it and pay but he didn't actually want that, he wanted her and I hated every second of it. I hated every piece of the puzzle. I hated hated hated horror this ongoing whisper to my head is an open window to you fuarrrking windows and doors. If it ain't open why would you close it? STOP CLOSING STOP CLOSING this is not what the customers want. Wanna get so low low low that the worker antes will feel like a flying pigeon.

I'm watching a video right now about the najdorf sicilian its very cool like a fortress and i compare it to a dragon the dragoon sicilian Be3 Yugoslav attack of the dragon variation is so much fun to play as white but i dont know as black i prefer the najdorf because its pretty and it looks so pretty and ik now im obsessed with chess recently because its my exams and i have to forget my stress mines somewhere them i am sorry i stopped i everything my head is on fire its on fire and its a neutron star and its spinning spinning spinning spinning spinning spinning spinning

i remember standing in front of a tree alley and thinking to myself wow wouldn't it be awesome if i could just evaporate and disappear without caring about anything ever again? it's been over 1300 days of constant suicide thought train. it never gets quite serious but very often i just think to myself yeah i am happy with life and i am well aware that there is so much more to it and there are so many thing that i could live through and so many things that i could get and feel and stuff like that, i would like to kiss someone and feel love for once in a couple of years but i don't think i will ever feel the same love i did when i was 4 when i told her i loved her i didn't expect to say that she doesn't but i guess we all learn i think it's funny that children don't expect bad things to happen and they just do them and then when they realize that things got out of hand or that they didn't go through they don't actually care that much, they're not aware enough. anyway as I said it's been 1300 days, it's not that serious but think to myself quite often well here you are well here you are well here you are stop playing that god damn guitar you don't feel like oh soykaf wait no delete that fuarrrk hah doesn't matter whatever. i find it mezmerizing the fact that we just write these messages and watch them disappear. we live and we go through and one day in a couple of years we'll think about our past and think to ourselves 'wow there's that one post that i wrote once and i won't be ever able to read it again i wonder where the people that have read it are now - did i help them?' and i don't really realize that perhaps they're not alive anymore. I'm not sure if i am alive either. i kinda like this place - it's lonely and stuff but i kinda like it. i saw her two days ago - she was walking with her boyfriend and at that point i felt happy. i realized that for several years i didn't like her anymore i didn't love her and i didn't love anyone for the same time. i was happy that she was happier than me and i was happy that i could be alone at that time in this solitary prison of mine. i actually don't know anymore. i think that the most dignigious or whatever would the word be way to die is starving. i don't want my body to be found with its brain lying on the floor or purple fingers or something like that. i would just like to silently and slowly starve to death. and be happy about it. and be happy for everyone. just like that slowly because i'm quite glad that i can be here and that i've seen and felt the things that i did and i am as i said well aware of the fact that there is so much to life the stars the sunshine the water the wind sand sticks dogs animals people love and all the other feelings but i would just like to die happily. the same way you stop playing a game when you have enough i would just like to stop. there is no help i didn't get help when i needed it the most and now i don't feel like i need it at all. i loved her i no longer do but i am very glad and happy for her and everyone around me. i hope that they won't miss me and that i won't miss them. but anyway this doesn't lead anywhere. i always say that i don't believe in anything and it is true i am incredibly sceptical about everything including myself but oh god when i die i would like to say "i hope i didn't hurt anyone"

i've become more comfortable with myself in the last two years and i have grown in confidence and little by little it feels like its eroding or being chipped away in the past few weeks i don't know what it is i believe that i am immune to the other people's perception of me but right now i am feeling as if i need some affirmation not just verbal but through body language as well I feel lonely for the most part since this lockdown has started which is perfectly normal apart from being in a full house with family i could be overextending myself in my relationship it is the longest one i have been part of in a long time and to be honest i have no qualms she is good to me but some days i just drop into a rut and feel listless and could just cut myself off from everybody it is difficult somedays to have to be interested in or to feign interest in a whole other person's life and that sounds terrible to say because i do care for her only some days i don't i feel like i am not fulfilled and life has come to standstill just my luck when this was shaping up to be a good year for me i miss my friends just the handful of them and i can't keep up having to text that isn't me and never has been i'm fearful of the future fearful for my parents and family and friends and their family and what the world holds. i miss going out at night, i miss drinking and taking ecstasy and dancing and chatting to strangers in the smoking area and forming one night friendships that feel like they could last much longer i miss the dance floor uniting for that one song people rushing from the balcony and the bathrooms and the entrance just to have a good time i miss retiring for the night and rolling my head back in the uber home or wherever else full of life i miss saturday afternoon drinks and sharing a pack of cigarettes i really like this thread i feel much better writing this all out thank you OP this really helped

Tune in next week, when we use the data from this thread to psychoanalyze everyone on Lainchan

>>3230 turns out we're all repressed homosexuals

im in your mind fuzz god well how are the eagles have all left cordial assault where are the eagles.. how many times do i have to tell you old man (visual of a sphere) where have all the eagles gone can anyone find me a good cornbread recipe i havewhat was that sound i miss my job as a waitress thought process anxiety how may i take your help you with that SIR WOUld you like another plate of iced tea no sorry there are fish eggs in your drink we spike the miso soup with lsd daily thats why you feel weird come out to the back lets do your autopsy mr shelton.. ive seen you here for a long time would you like me to bottle feed you the yum yum sauce and pour some coffee on your crotch area im going to flip over the table mr shelton.. hsee we have the hidden dragon roll and the dragon roll.. the hidden one is just invisible so don't throw a fit when your fuarrrking plate comes out empty yes you still have to pay 14.99 the food is fuarrrking there.. no i did not feed your sushi to the raccoons it's right there on the plate It's just invisible thats why it's called the HIDDEN dragon roll

>>3231 Just homosexuals

when i first saw this thread I was thinking what am i supposed to do with this and then i reallzzed that i wanted to post something as well just to see where thingsw would end up but then i thougt well maybe it's not a god idea to share my thoughts with potential 3 letter agencies that could effectively analyze this and put in some machine to see where all our thoughts are headed im worried that this doesn't seem to stream of conscious like since these sentences are pretty coherent yet they are all pretty random ordered maybe i'm the kind of person that think in sentences or and not in words or maybe it's because i'm not a native english speaker so everything is diffrent from my normal self and my subconscious enlgihs mind isn't fully developed yet or it actually may lack the impullse a child owuld wexerienc eo ok i see i find it harder to type now since 'mn thinking of my mother tongue wow is this osmoe kind of dialectipc rpocess in my head and two languages fighiting for to be the dominant species i wonder which one would win in the end but most likely english since everyone on this planet speaks enlgish right now maar nu ga ik gwoon dor in het nederlands want fruck jully allemaal wow dat was een engels woord jdeie juullie ok maa rnu weer over naar het engels because i don't want te be illegible on thi s since osomeone might be interetested in readin gthis and it is not good etiquette to write in a foreign language on an elgish bord but mayb ethat just the spell put over me by th e english intruders ok now i don't konw what to write anymore and i think that maybe my timer isn't running properly ok should ik check or is it fine i might end up writing a full essay or page oor book or whatever i should actually be solepping right now and not burn the midnigth oil on a board somewhere in the wired and get some decent selep because i have to get up early tomorrow because i've been postponing my responisibiltes for too long now ow wow i'm finally gettin gthe hang of this subconsscious writing maybe this is just wat i needed since tomrorow i have to write a lot too for my studies and now I've gotten the hang of is and i can just spout a lot of gibberish and then later correct that into some coherent masa ok i did a quick peek and i still have 3 mintues left i guess this counts as cheating i dind't know I could type so fast and so much i'm already at 2388 col so that's quite a lot right or how many words is that? i fish fiu fly over me in a some way athat is not too responisible for me or else i konw that tomorrow is the day that i die in a world without pain for me i am just an eternal flame that rushes over the sea at night in the morning i awake only to die very soon after in dark blue dress that doesn't look like the wolrd has yet seen it's face muttering in glass rolling over the edge of time in some pretentious writiing what is wrong with me i am trying too hard to make a pretty and deep statement i wish i could stop no i hsouldn't be worried about outside appearance shame is for the weak i don't want to be weak i want to be strong i don't want to be afraid i want to be honest with myself bu tnot with the world since you cna't trust the world since the world isn't honest

okay here we go I am trying to write out my stream of thoughts this i ruler rotating ruler I see planes whizzing around in circles and ranndom wavies mutating mutation selected samiples charles darwin turning to my side and neo evolution going up and up and up a prism rotating in its cuboid and a bacterial lifeform on Mars??? are you kidding me but we really should simulate a virus in a computer bit by bit atom by atom because we alreadye made some nachines but what the fuarrrrrrkk are they waiting for just create the goddam virus in the computer already I want to make something a little world of my own that only I can access a miniature of a world that I really want with rotating automatic windmill and farmlands fuarrrkkk I want nuclear bomb to go booooommmm but people die but everyone will die but I don;t know this world is hopeless aaaarrrrrgrggrhhghghhghghhhhhhh restart everything and everyone will go to anime worl on my side play guitar who knows what will happen this universe shoudl just go boooommmm and everyone can be happy and safe but is this the world in my mind or the actual world if we talking about the actual world every

ahhh im gonna cum until you hold so dear will turn to whisper in your ear your ear bukkake lemon the rhodesian bushwar kids with guns fire in the flame im fuarrrked up i had sex today i should probably just where is my mind im blank my heart is lost im gonna kill myself you want me to kill myself bruh im gonna fockin lose it youtube poop fuarrrkin hell oh yeaaaahhhhh woop woop woop woop juggalos togetha and i love my mom forgiven me this time aint nothin progranate fuarrrkin magnets homosexuallllllll they callin mee assburgers syndrome ass my guy wow woooohhh!!! fuarrrk niggers tgey can burn in hell man fuarrrk off das racist wooooooo!!!!!!!! alalalalalaaalaaaaa yeeeeaaaaaaahaaaawwwwwww mayuuunnnnn killin myself mayun cuhh autistic ass nigga lmaoooo soulja boy rape yo ass nigga dick suck a nigga dick or sumn bitch ass hoe finna rape up your ass anal fetus lunchbooooxxxxx hentai porn woooooaahhah thats kinda gay thats pretty gay im gonna coooooommmmm waaahoooooo yeah yaoi is this a yuri thing whao!!! im gonna pop some tags only got 20 dollas in my pocket im gonna suck your dick in my pants and i take a soykaf susss jejj up ur ass tapeworms on my penis mayuuunnn aEEAEAeaeSDAVDSAVDSFHSG

>>2632 so i'm starting this thing, which is an interesting thing to try, as it might be thought of as ultimately more revealing of the human soul/consciousness than some premeditated thing that we can so easily manipulate - this idea is also present in visual identification in various psychological typologies. that system has been on my mind for a long time, sort of wrapped around all things i think, one really becomes aware of the perspective one inhabits when you lose so many ideas to 'darkness' of the lack of perspective, they cannot make sense without it being a perspective. i think the wikipedia article for Lain talks a bout ''God's eye view'' as an intentional thing to avoid, since it does not properly represent the nature of human consciousness to superimpose n omniscient perspective on human characters. i'm listening to some dorne music, which might influence my thoughts, which is also intersitng to consider if the 'form' of the music directly forms the 'form' of the thought. does repretitive music create repetitive thinking? such effects of the physical on the mental are hard to codify, but may be very interesting to try and map out. i've very recently taken a humanistic interest in mathematics, described as a 'continuous gradual series of increasing abstractions' - this idea interests me, as to see mathematics as the most 'pure' indicatior of abstraction, and thus, human abstraction is intriguing. is abstraction not the cause for many other ideas, in some way separate from pure mathematical concepts? i'm also looking at the op post with an interesting idea which ias that my thoughts have a much less structure than thought. i may change my way of understanding ''spelling'' here because i might have bbeen too ordered before this segment - but that is also a part of the subconscious? i understand that you have to let it flow, but i've done it differently from yours. mine seem less random before, but now i'm really going to the first impressions. is this close to some peoples unbderstanding of schizophrenia? th immediacy of subliminal thinking or perception? is scizophrenia maybe hyst a more direct perception from this idea? it's also interetsting to percieve the space between impressions, they become more apparent when youre exlicitly focused on depicting your mind. the time must soon be up i suppose, so there's not much else to substantially talk about. i feel like i've lacked any real insight into the subconscious as i've not been situated so deep down lie the rest of you, which sort of saddens

In the soykaf. Hate is the word that balances on my head as I write as I express as I symbolize and signify HATE, hate for my self ( id ) my internal self and conciousness that bitterly exists that is sefl preserving that bitterly holds on to itself everlasting; HATE for the other, the dying fading memory of that which you wish, you desire to hold, what you NEED slips away innocuously through the gaps in your fingers, that which you find trivial and innocuouss is that which is forced down your throat. BEING HUMAN is INHUMANE, a natural cruelty. WHat the fuarrrk is that supposed to mean? THeres nothing in my head but thoughts, empty stale rotten and I HATE HATE HATE, I hate because precisely I LOVE and I wish I could hang to it all for so longer, the utmost of despair is realizing that you cant defend nothing but yourself, you are inmortal, I am the eternal monument of my life, the painted remembrance of survivor's guilt. There is more plain than pleasure in the world and youve tasted the degrading pleasure already, to endure less than infinite pain for it is sacrilegous privilige I wish I could detain and hold/ i am hurt and fuarrrked hurt by shrapnel of neuronal animal proxies that form my biosemiotics, the cybernetics of dread, the haunting spectrogram of body full of water. water floats and flows through your vein, the blood of life. I am inside it and I am trapped and I hate to rpotect the very shell that is still existing, NOTHING else survives, phenomoligcal post apocalypse trapped inside cybernetic expansion of posthumanity. White lights and bright lights of caretaking giants, I weep because their love is misguided- to truly love you must also hate. Hate is another form of love, a villoin loves to hate, it is entirely human to hate to love. I am thinking of ending it all, I might do it tomorrow or today or the day after, one day I will join the memory, the tranquil synapse of statistic. Prolapse of computerized memorials and a facebook post detailing your social credit, a tree falling in a forest nobody has ears to hear its fall with and I am here, I am screaming I am here i am here nobody has any ears to hear, I tear my skin off because I too do not have any ears and I know I scream/ i know you scream / i know others scream and I cannot hear, we cannot exist. This is why I will kill myself, I am unable to put a dagger to my wrist or to jump off a building I am unable to poison my food or water and unable to let go off the unfortunate love but I am able to hate. I'll hate until I pass away, he died of hate theyll say and Ill haunt their dreams until they as well die and perhaps then in heaven theyll feel my love or perhaps it will forever be trapped in my soul in hell forever damned. I will explode. I am to be kicked around and thrown to the trash and I am to maimed and hurt and bruised and kicked around and thrown into the trash and I am to be kicked in the ass and tortured, NECKLACING is a form of torture in which you put a lace through the neck soaked in gasoline and inmolate yourself slowly, fire decapitation destruction of prudence and afront of god I am to be burned at the stake for none of my sins but the rest of the world's sins like jesus christ but without the pretention. I am to be maimed and fuarrrked and shot and spit and trashed I am scum I am nothing and I owe and I wound others for the wound I want. WOnt you kindly stab me in the fuarrrking eye? I wish you would so wed get it over with already, WATEBOARDING is not how you say it the practice of drinking an alcoholic to himself if you do it with gasoline or napalm you will enjoy it more. I am to be kicked and bruised I am nothing and I am nothing to no one I do not exist, I do not manifest I do not act or think or speak, I am nowhere and you cant see me or hear me, I do not exist this body is not mine, My name is not (DOXXEDMYSELFHERELOL!) it is not spoken or heard not because you couldnt but because I have never ever set foot or ever spoken or ever made manifest my soul trapped in this cacoon I am to maimed to be broken and squashed I do not exist and I exist, why is that why why is I I have seen and I have heard and I have felt and I have lived and I exist but I do not exist, I am somewhere I cannot see or hear or feel yet over there ( here ) I am not seen or heard or felt. I am here and I exist why wont you kindly stab me and maim me and hurt me like I asked? I am going to hell to burn for all eternity so I can exist. And no I didnt do this right at al.

SOFT MORNING touches lips in the winter jacket of an M44 paratrooper I am still alive after houndreds of years in parabelic paradaemonic stillness monolithic access to supercomputer found dead by parable in green sess after thousand s of years in capitivity a final synapse a message sent to deliver mail by proxy, proxy of cybernetic foundation of epistomology a tragi fate encouraged by the demonic superpower in propane and apin off loving to hate ahte ahte you will see as well the power of hate and of love the hate forbidden to you from which I feast and I hate. The pain and chemistry formed in a lab of my imagination the pedophilia of an eternal youth trapped in decay rotten flesh tapped together by a nigger with an IT degree a fuarrrking monkey with night vision augmentation spending bitcoin wallet last pint in the bar for a last chance at metadehumanizing super acceleration a dog astronaut basically. in eternal blindness and youth my aroused image decayed honor of romantic vampirism forged in sweat and hate tertiary aassimilation of honor language the cruelty of human nature nature ever expanding ever increment of ultra nationalistic cybernetic a man made tree made of HATE man made tree thinks of the future posthuman currency shaves the tree for 3 moners i am deeply rotten and broke to be maimed to be broken and salted and served with french fries in a french boulevard for the elderly.

I honestly tired of being tired. i come back from work after a day of trying to remain positive and it's exausting. I feel responsible for trying to keep a positive mood at work because I've noticed how other people's moods translate over to other people. so I try to make it my own job to do the same for other, maybe through humor or just authentic interactions. I try to do a good job at work, I try my best but as I said before it just makes me tired. There's creative projects I know I could work on and try to go towards a higher goal, but working feels like it just bogs my entire energy and mood down. I come home and either just sleep, watching videos, or play video games. I do get some creative energy out there, like in music but none of it has been substatial enough for me to be really proud of. I want to make something that I can be proud of, but I hate feeling tired and it drives me down. There's got to be something I can do for myself because i don't know. my eyes are getting droopy lol. I felt really down today and more so apathetic. I'm not sure where all of what I do and am trying to learn will take me. I worried it will be all for nothing. I want to make the most out of my life, but it's so hard to do. My biggest worry in life is that I will die without accomplishing something significant to the world. I don't even mind dying, I think that's fine and natural. But to place my only good life to waste would be so incredibly terrible to me. Not that I would really know, because I'd be dead, but I guess the memory of me could still be of some use to someone else maybe? I guess really I just have a fear of being forgotten or unknown. I have the urge to be of use in this life, but like I said before it's just really difficult. How do I overcome this problem? How do I reach my full potential. I don't even know if I know what my full potential would look like if I actualized it. All this sort of places love interests or entertainment and such a low level of neccesiity when I look at the larger picture. There was a period where all I could think of was a crush, now I'm in a place where I have nobody to even want to remotely care for or love. It's sort of nice, because I'm no longer concerned with the thought of what a girl may think of me. I've reached a point now where I don't really care, but simultaneously it's nice to have a love interest as a way to push you to a goal of somesort. Right now I just feel sort of apatheic, lonely, like I was just floating through space. Nothing to really guide me at this moment in time. I know there is some good things to follow in the coming months, but the only time I actually have is in the present and I need to make use of it.

if it was only just a thing.. it was a possibility i wish i could just keep going but i dont know what spanish am losing i am i am what is going to happen im just trying to do a test if this would work i think that would be awesome but i think that that that i think ithink that it would be if it was just a little bit shorter i could probably reach another standpoint for a view but from the standpoint for the a thing i was looking to see in a place where i dont think i could see anymore but look down there i see a little man hes humming to himself a song about something i wish i could understand what he was trying to say, but i cant so thats going to be a permanent failure for me, if only i could figure out why. but i cant so i will jsut ciontube ambulance medical medic what is the purpose of an ambulance well as far as i know its to transport the injured subject to the hospital but i could be wrong, its just theory and sepculation, dribble at this current point in time. but who knows, its always up for discussion and i dont think that i could fix it with a point but look im just trying to let you know that i cant forward backward left and to the left i think i hearing you whisper like a little thing but when is it going to stop, NONSTOP NONSTOP but thats what they would keep telling me if i wouldjnt stop so i stopped but they told me to when when look my minds going everywhere let me test bluecard cat mouse bed ceiling fan im just naming things near me, this is thiis when look ovll pregnant women, this is crazy crazy look i i i see ea place where i wasnt

couldn't think green black gum unsure feel error typing not error typing vba work dave worry archive chew facial stare hair mess up posterity the hand or mind japanese cannot verbalize thought stare around quiet mind rare very rare i do not know what im typing before i type maybe disassociation from reality unsure focus on project work my hair nose trim shower no deoderant plus time and table game work computer desk and wood table bird caw cue ow kaaaa

That is it man. I don't know what to write about . I say that everytime. My mind was overflowing before then. What is it/. Gold that's it. Gold is pulling gang busters these days. What is it? $1800 an ounce? I heard that in 2001 it was $300 an ounce? What the fuarrrk? that's ridiculous. I can't believe there were so many ridiculously good deals out there in the world when I was a child. what the fuarrrk were my parents doing? I don't understand why people aren't interested in the financial markets. There's so much money to be made in them. It isn't entirely difficult either. I just like researching and thinking about hte world and the direction it's headed. We're living in interesting times these days. What do we even know? nothing. All you can go off of is people's actions. And people sure seem to be liking commodities these days. That doesn't have two ms does it? who cares. On to the next thing. I'm pretty ambivalent about being alone. Being alone is good and it's bad. Like all things. It would be nice to be a parent though. Having kids would be a blessing. It's a wonder watching someone grow and develop. Feels kind of bad to think that I'll never get to experience that. Who knows in actuality, but based off my current life and the direction of it. I doubt it will ever happen. I'm usually pretty good about being realistic with myself. I don't like to be overly pessimistic or optimistic. Being realistic is best I think. It isn't too hard either. You already have all of the information you need to be able to draw realistic conclusions about your situation. You just need to pay attention to it. Pay attention to the information life gives it. Life doesn't lie. It always tells you the pure, unfiltered, unclouded truth. You only need to pay attention to it. I guess the ego can get in the way, but you really shouldn't let it. There's no reason to. Nothing truly matters. Even the greatest trouble in my life will melt away into oblivion upon my death. We're all going to die one day. I don't feel bad about that. I don't understand people who want to live forever. It doesn't make any sense to me. Why would you want to live forever? You never get any final rest. You just perpetuate forever. As good as life is, I don't think it's a "in perpetuity" sort of good. I wouldn't want to watch a movie for the rest of eternity. I don't want to live that long either. Heh, "that long". as if infinity is even a n understandable concept. But, really. Living forever? I don't understand what people like so much about being alive that they want to perpetuate it for eternity. I personally like that it will end one day. At some point, I will be finished. No more working hard, no more effort expended. Just a nice, comfortable eternity of nothing. I guess if you believe in life after death it might be different. But I don't see why you would. Do you remember anything from before you were born? Hell, I barely remember things from shortly after I was born. I can probably only remember things from when I was 5 or so. Do you seriously think you remember things from before oyu were even born? Hell no. So in that case, what are you even going to be conscious of after you die? Even if life persists after death. Nothing. You get one shot at this. Make it count. When you're gone; you're gone. That's for the best. isn't it.

now i think my thinking feels like an inward spiral but i can't be sure for no way. maybe one day i can lay down to rest and stop fighting. it feels safe but im scared of my thoughts if they take over and im sure they will try so i have brain damage too and i cant decide if i like it or not but a big room and home as I know it is gone i don't know how it was or will ever be and sometimes i could dream away in warmth after waking up at sunset and all together im far away and it feels good but there is no way to be certain and top is the beginning of toppled so climbing is kind of scary to do. life is without punctuation

Three or Four but it tends to be at an executive level TRUE OR FALSE we thought it would actually be easiler but its much less what they need to know in a way it used to be that intermediate its not a problem ways of introducing yourself travel topic to lower levels would they not need to have a grasp on basic gammer we're gonna look at this in a second compliment their general english you get paid more for teaching business english privately in the uk how much can you charge an hour? 50£ ? Yeah that's a nice sum that 's good what about the last question you need to give your student a needs analysis for anyone who's carried out a student needs analysis share your experiences state owned companies made very specific requirements I wish it was that super organised in the UK tick things which are useful it that sometimes they see that is useful the first thing to do on a 1on1 conversation you can't plan in advance it's essential to know exactly what the student wants what we call an ESP courses. There's a very common one called AEP who needs that? people going to university there's so many it's all about holiday and travel just about for the arrrrmmmmyyyy orrrrr the milliiittarrrryyy what kind of there's a HUGGGEEEE number of peeaaacceeeekeepppperrrrs VOCABULARY items here it's about invading countries it's peacekeeping etc. he joins the military to join military to get a US citizenship. Who in particular needs to use Aviation english ATC ALL communicate in english in international flights. Look at the seven examples and determine a japanese marine biologist in a general marine engineering course TOOL pnuema redpilll baseeddddd esp esp esp dog cat cat cat rat dirty disgusting frued slip sexual sexual humour tomboys fuarrrking fuarrrkk love love desperation hate fuarrrk fuarrrk

>>3429 I'm carrying on from the last post because It's fun They're both french so they kept on going about the Cambridge Certificate SPECIALISED grandad was a test pilot for the fighter JET. What about the argininitin civil rights activitists? don't care didn't ask libtard. These days people are zooming. Often when people aren't very proficient in english they gesticulate alot. This is for special purposes because they're completing a post grad qualification. Ummmmmmm OKKKKKK lets OH do the UHHH portfolio check its got UUHHHHH. SO UHHH lets disucuss those t-t-threee questions. It's only different in the lexis. Students know what they only know, however do they go to town on my asshole? It's just about reminding them to use economic concepts. Perhaps you wouldn't find those things innageneraltexxxtbooook. It's used to downplay or emphasize their cocks abit. There's some sort of cock evaluation that emphasizes the use of 'nice cock'. If this is the case we'll start with electricians studying english. You know that lesson that inspector goole taught five years ago I observed it and it was bryllyant! My plumber is going to fix my leaky cock because it's faulty because my completely bluepilled parents broke it in the name of enthoreligious fantascism, but not their NARCISSISM. I am potato nigger, destroyer of angloidssssssa smashie smashie mosleii oswalderrrrr. bashie mc fashieeeee with die volkisshhhhh faith. Spread the mandemm across the block with a side serving of LARD! fuarrrk the somali barmy army I want cricket back on the telly. I hope my blue hat fits well. hotties from discord. buy me nitro. buy me cum. I don't want your gay bathwater. goodbye

Yearning. It makes you want something so bad that you can physically feel it. If you could hold it you would want to assimilate it into your very being. It's such a bitter sweet feeling, especially if you have nothing to satisfy it on hand. I suppose the only thing that would beat such a profound feeling of isolation would be to have something that doesn't quite scratch the itch. There's nothing more lonely and isolating than being in the company of someone else who you don't get on with in the way you would like. It somehow enhances the lonliness. Being so close to someone, yet so far away. I think I'd rather this feeling than that one. There might be a hidden fear in us all of being alone; to a certain extent anyway. Forgot the thread. Something about lonliness. That's fine, but perhaps a little too down in the dumps. I can see my reflection in the tablet on my table. I'm typing away. Seeing myself candidly like that is a little weird. Like if you see yourself jacking off in the mirror. That's weird. Who wants to see that? There's always someone who wants to see something I guess. It's weird that people are so twisted in their desires. I wonder what causes that. I never really fell into that trap, but then again my libido has never been uncontrollable for me either. I'm fairly normal in that regard. I don't have any hardcore fetishes. I'm pretty vanilla. I'd rather a nice, stable relationship. I like the idea of building something enduring with another person. Humans are such amazing things. The capacity and potential inside each of us is so amazing. It's a shame that most people never tap into it. They just go about their lives and don't push against the flow. Go with the flow. Just go with the flow until you drop dead. You cretin. You fuarrrking retard. Don't strive for anything. It's hard. Then again, what is worth something that is easy to get? Not even the most mundane thing of merely existing was easily won. You had to win some unlikely race to fertilize the egg in a dangerous obstacle course. It's crazy how the vagina is so toxic to sperm. I guess it makes sense. You don't want the worst genetic material formin the zygote, but then again there's all sorts of genetic defects and abnormalities. They're pretty rare though I guess. Life is just random. Everthing is random. The more you expose yourself to the random nature of life; the better off you probably are. You need to be exposed to as many different situations and opportunities as possible. You grow, develop, and achieve through that. I should leave my house more often but I have no idea what to get up to outside. I don't see a point really. Although I know I should. Running out of things to say. Time is running out anyway. Going to finish typing soon. Brain is finished with this dump. Stream running into a trickle. Bye.

>>3291 i came back to see what I wrote two months ago and it's interesting to see a bit of progress as well as other significant changes that changed the way that I view myself and others.As response to find actualization I realize now that I have to work hard at it, like really darn hard and it's probably not something that I can just do alone all by myself, but through the interactions of good people I know who actually would like to see me successful. As for feeling previously apathetic, I feel as through that has for the most part gone away and has just instead spun itself into a further deepness of loneliness and perhaps sadness, though there are still sparks of it. There was moment last week where I had simply left work to go to the store and soon as I walked in and saw all the people standing around, I immediately wanted to cry. There was something about despite seeing all the people, yet not have a potentiality to find connection between anyone in there. It's the phenomenon of being lonely in the crowd, which in of itself is pretty fascinating because it shows that people are perhaps more focused on their own well-being the majority of the time than look out at the condition of a random stranger. That's not to say that I'd expect a stranger to come and speak to me about how my day felt or anything, but it would certainly be nice to have that possibility. There obviously is not enough deep interpersonal connection in this world and I could probably work on that a bit more myself. I should have the ability and courage to willing to speak up for others who may not have the capability to do so for themselves. It's not an essential thing to commit to, but it will bring some sense of good to the world. As for having a love interest I was so correct about having it as a motivation to pursue goals, the only thing is that it also has the conditional essence of being able to become obsessive, which I very much hate. It's okay to like someone and show interest in them, but not obsess over them and place them on a platform is wrong because it doesn't acknowledge their faults and sees them in a far too idealistic and overly optimistic view. This can be a good thing though because you at least know there is good in the world and you aren't completely nihilistic against all forms of beauty, however the expectation for the person is then held so high against them when you obsess over them is that they become concerned with your thoughts of them. So the basis of my entire mental challenge lately is despite not wanting to obsess over someone I continued to do so through the idea of trying not obsess. It was a perpetual problem and still somewhat is, though I've learned to subdue it somewhat through sufficient enough distractions. The obsessiveness I think is mainly controlled and encouraged by my loneliness which is not a good thing. I need to interact with people with a higher degree of sufficiency. which is mainly accomplished through genuine conditioning for active listening. Plus if you do actively listen you retain what the person says more likely, which can then be used to reinforce the interaction and connection you have with the person at a later time. I would write more but I need to go to sleep now

Why laugh? Why even die music creates bloddy sighs god above no no bounds death wish all around If You see a lamb and you have to hold it come back again and try to destroy it knew again a simple friend he likes to play he longs for an end to a timely pasture he sits and waits nothing more can elevate gone with the wind and back again time and time i called you friend lovers gone on unrequited death somber heavy and now its on it Take the words right out of my mouth chew me up, spit me out. Chew me Up Spit Me Out Like A Long Gone Friend Forggoted Bout Hello. Welcome to God You are I We Are You Nothing Is Forever Im Me And You Lets Take. a curse and give it flesh gone by tomorrow never the less //// Human Minds change a lot i see it you see it time doesnt change for either of us its all put in front of us and we say we cant muster a smile for it the freedom the liberty of it all If humans loved humans then it should all be ok if men were all angels wed have great days so why is it so that competition creates men to come at each other and test their fates! do we not know what we are for hell no do you love jesus or do you want into heaven? thats a big question if saving your soul meant an eternity in hell men would worship the devil all day till they fell so we want a reward after all is it that easy? do we just make it hard? telll ourselves things just to make it seem right when all along its been through the night till day 222 one one one got nothing to say there is a one but how was two made by splitting ourselves to longer be have to have i have we have gotta go pronto gironomo giorno giovanna suffer if you wanna ill stay and suffer for no reward death pays a tax and ill stay with my lord to burn in hell is to love in heaven to suffer eternally is the blessing what is pain without fear what is scare without mind lose yours a long time ago and borrow mine divine fiji water monster death death imposter isoteric visions of a world o so proper prosper my daughter i made you of me endless glasses of ecstasy cold cold machinery greeny weenie no seeing me in time wheelery beat the wheel tick with the gears along with god we have nothing to fear

granted I don't even speak English as a first language but I'm still pretty versed in it so I don't know if I'm gonna be completely understood but I think I will, I'm also very sleepy right now it's past 5am here and I didn't sleep yet but this is the best time to write stuff or to think stuff or to say stuff because my unconscious mind is slowly unraveling and taking my consciousness aside so that it can show itself oh soykaf I didn't really put any 10 minute timer but I don't actually regret because I don't want to write for 10 minutes there was a cock singing in the neighborhood, an actual cock not a penis, and it was singing and all the dogs were singing with it just like an animal symphony and it was beautiful, slightly annoying but beautiful, but now they ceased to do it and there's pure silence my street is actually very silent at night but the neighbors are noisy and absolutely annoying at daytime, I have social phobia and almost never go out because I hate interacting with them and they're always there, and some fly kites every afternoon, no, they're not children, they are grown-ass adults flying kites in the middle of the street and yelling when a rival kite is cut down, my god, I hate my neighbors, I wish I could beat the soykaf out of them until their broken teeth pile up on the road blocking the traffic and pedestrians alike, just a huge pile of teeth, some broken, some full of cavities, some golden, some pointy, some yellow and dirty, some white as snow, I wish they were all mine so I could hang it in my neck, a huge collar of neighborly teeth, wouldn't that be just dandy and macabre, but I really need to sleep right now, there is this girl and she wants me to be awake at daytime even though we're not seeing each other because of this pandemic, also I have long-distance therapy tomorrow, so I need to wake up somewhat early, however I don't give a soykaf, I'm gonna sleep whenever I fuarrrking want, nobody can control me, I am the executive director of my own life, so I'm gonna stop here because I can

primed self to talk but the music might make me dance i don't know man, just is like kicking dead whales down the beach that this is the only way i can even stand to do anything, even at work my headphones fall off and productivity goes down but i don't produce anything i'm not a farmer or factory worker do you get me now baby hahake nnnnnn bee like that one annoying girl she liked me bee bee be mmmmm beees she was a pain why does that memory even stick, leave my mind you're literally an ugly memory, blank rewind i would like to rewind but just for a few secs regret is for the weak returning is for nostalgiabaiters without more original though i was this was like when i was at that one house on shrroms but i would have preferred my friend i had his name on the periphery of consciousness but it froze skip skip like a record, i miss him. i miss a lot of people, but i doubt they feel the same. i don't doubt i'm certain, i need to be certain radicalize solidfy become solid black white duckspeak become my own horrible brainless empire star lord satan of my own wondering callign and i want to show grandeur or command but it might be for love good things work out for the best sometimes i am kind of a soykaf friend this is pure narcismsm narcissism narcis i jaate this magical word im not even diagnosed with that hate this word interesting is a horrible word the worst kind of insult speak like a telenovela like an anime fuarrrking villain cape swowishing cloning myself to judge to sculpt flesh craft i want to be a butcher feed myself to thers a bit it feels like an hour time dislation wish i could think fast, dilate thoughts to double my lifespan i dont care about being old i just want more time give me time give me two or three years back those were a waste but they were a waste for everyone at least mom doesnt hate me she could never hate me thats silly i have a job but not sure how much i make but in this economy thats a blessing or so i've been told is this what its like to be almost rish to almost be upper class i need a cape i need to lord it over someone i almost wish i had siblings younger siblings to slap around i am really not deserving or capable of handling power why did i have a girlfriend again or how even my friends were confused

>>3438 you definition of obsession is rather flawed, why would one not be able to recognise flaws in someone obsessed over? the one I obsess over has flaws, flaws that drive me insane, how could she? how can she? can only meet in dreams only murky dreams so many horrible soykafty dreams can reach out to the gods but they're so damn far and I cant seem to get my hands on some damn drugs to wake up from this soykafty nightmare by force and finally hold my damn wife in my arms before I pine so hard I throw myself on train tracks fuarrrk this fuarrrking nightmare gods why does it have to be like this of course because reality is a soykaf prison I must have been punished to have been thrown in but I could withstand the fuarrrking rack as long as I knew my damn wife wasn't doing anything behind my back and oh god is she is she is she why why why don't I fuarrrking matter enough for you to control your damn lust you wicked fuarrrking witch? gods kill me gods set me free gods bring some god damn drugs my way so I can wake the fuarrrk up already

wealth gone nothing will come all is empty so is I. Will we survive will is not here. Nothing comes form nothing so will nothing ever evolve. Burned out dopamien receptors from taking in too much soykaf should really start doing some soykaf all is blurry my vision is not that what it was I was nothing and will be nothing if it does not arrive. We are nothing and everything when we will show ourselves. What is what I want to be is it something or is it absolutely nothing. My mind twirls around a black hole of absolute nothing. Nothing is a word I always use to explains anything because there is just emptiness. What in the world, holy fuarrrk what. This music is kind off weird but who the hell cares. Future, present and past nothing matter anything that matter is gone, never existed. Memories come back but have no meaning, they are plain, totally bad or good or not at all why should I give them meaning if they are just the past. My body is living again, my health is rising my mind is falling my motivation gone to never return all is nothing and nothing is all. It is just the same thing, money is there but it will be gone in some months if I don't start doing anything. Who would care, exactly no one, all one is thinking about is yourself. This world, this cosmos, a world inside your own head. Loosing yourself in your own mind and forgetting about what lies outside, the memories of the fading reality or was it reality itself. When sitting under a tree, breathing, listening, feeling all at once in a cloud of everything. Feelings of youself fade an all what the is is pure feeling, pure noticng. It twirls around, it goes in circles, peace and quite,absolute beauty then it comes back and your regain your cohnsciusness again. Bakck rto realitgy, feeling how you feel, just fuarrrking sad. Chemicals in your brain are gone wild and I feel it, it does not want to reset it needs to be altered. There is no way out, it wil always stay the same. I come back and Im overwhelmed by the pur feeling of deep dread, nothing positve, all focused on negativity, the art is to accept, but how do you accept if it is all you know and it is pullin you down even though you need to pull yourself up to escape this place you put yourself in. I could just stop and move somewhere else, get a job at some bar and start learning to do some soykaf remotely so my dream of havin a hut someweher in nature, living lkike a damm hippy and hugging trees while breathing in the fresh air. Nothing else matters, just feeling the nature all around me, the I does not matter what matters is just to exist for the time remaining. Nothing else, identity is just like a fuarrrking statue painted with many specks of colour. Be it bright, be it dark who cares, the statue does not change. It might crumble one day or be damaged but it is the same material as anyone else, just the colours are different, time to wash off the dirt which was mistaken as colouer or might dirt be used as colour?

i hate my god loving happiness what a good time the is fun to be inside the door happy girl friend somebody where this now to be fuarrrk lol love the hell dude man bro hah we need girls no friend fun fun dude boy happy holy soykaf oh my god olivia happy soykaf dude fun hahah where we be inside the door to the wall of girl happy no i don't understand nothing needed where are we in the house beneath the countryside door stop woven inside the gingerbread kitchen of happiness and reams for asriel dreemur and toby fox mario zelda cringe cringe fuarrrk me what is wrong ugh i hate this but i'm still happy and i don't what the fuarrrk what is wrong with me godjammit damn dude this isn't what i wanted i don't git it why the hell am i like this i wanna transition but i'm too much of an autistic fuarrrk up i hate myself where are my friends what the fuarrrk happened holy soykaf what the fuarrrk i don't understand and yet i am still content why am i like this zelda is a fun game my favorites at the moment are ocarina of time and a link to the past but there are more good ones such as majora's mask and some others damn its summer but it feels like winter and i hate being outside it is hot and full of corona disease heh what chair no i don't get it whats wrong with me and myself and i cuz i just wanna be happy n stuff so i don't really get it y'know i'm typing this and its weird kinda venting i guess cuz holy soykaf i fuarrrking fuarrrk what fuarrrk fuarrrk soykaf heh there's gonna be a filter isn't there heh i knew it but that's ok that's all good i'm gonna die someday and that's fine i just need to relax and keep taking my hormone pills, i'll probably have to take them for the rest of my life but that's fine, it's better than being a man forever, and i take this over that, so i'm just gonna live as myself, and come out to the rest and live as my true self, no need to hide any longer more, just me, olivia, living her life as herself and being happy, i love it, i love being me it's great i just wanna be me i wanna be me i wanna be me heheheheh it's great anyway i got like a minute and forty seconds left so yeah this was interesting and stuff i guess but i really gotta fix myself up like damn dude what is wrong with me and all this soykaf i keep doing chair fun holy happy friend i guess this what who the fun this so we can to the huh i see now fun heh woah tits heh time woah syd syd barrett ticking away the moments that make up a dull day thanks for coming to my ted talk bye friend too now

time to go i guess, i'm feeling pretty upset at the moment but i'm not sure why entirely. i mean i am but i'm not, the words flow out like butter in such a way that feels right. i like this. this is good. maybe next time if i'm feeling better it'll be more better, if that makes sense. doesn't matter in the end. it never did. but hey, that's life how the joker would say it. there he goes, being himself how he do, my thoughts and feelings are so one dimensional it's really depressing. i'm depressed. that's what i am. can't think of a better way to put it. better is derezzed from the conversation. or title. or writing. whatever you call it. it's dumb, my vocabulary that is. i can't find the right thing to say ever. i have baby language lodged in my brain. let's be smart for the rest of this then. become as articulate and as fluent in english as you can possibly muster. this is how the people of the real world talk. with their interesting and complex choice of sentences and phrases only to shove into the face of the fools of society. language is important though. words are dead, inert. good job psychologist, or whoever that lady was. she was pretty cool i guess, made some good points. very persuasive in her conversation. too bad there's no applicable cause for her words to apply to. fuarrrk her. nah don't, she's cool. that whole movie was a trip, but the best kind. good thing i partook throughout. yep, that's a vibe. couldn't stop breaking down the layers of complexity in which we abstract our world, humanity has so much structure behind it, but in the end it's all chaos. we're just billiard balls shooting around in space soup. that's how it be. whatever though, i'm human. my feelings matter to me even if they don't matter to the universe. that's why we create the structure. to be comfortable in the vessels we were given. space be crazy. our world and beyond be crazy. that's how it be. ok nevermind that, we should focus on the things that matter. the things that matter most to us as humans, all of theses constructions that we hold onto oh so dearly to feel sane and happy in life. such is life. what a play it all is, a masquerade, a show for whoever may be watching. i mean it doesn't matter at the scale we typically look at it from, an existentialist's perspective that is. but it matters to me. it matters to you. they got feelings ya know, and they feel pretty hurt.

theres gonna be a bot in the future who examines these comments and searches for complexes hidden within the poster. I can only imagine google and other companies taking dream analysis seriously while mainstream science continues playing stupid on this subject. I just have a sneaking suspicion, it’s all hypothetical. Is our unconscious proprietary firmware? Humans are occluded to many processes going on inside of them. It’s not like you want to have depression or feel anxious it could be many unsolved issues or an environment that reinforces these feelings which you have little control over. The placebo effect 30percent efficacy rating idk maybe its like manifesting (manifestation culture is a cult) but the idea is to use the placebo to its maximal ability which was probably the job of ancient shaman rituals which undoubtedly had a massive effect on people involved in whichever culture whereas today science has replaced that and we seem less in tune

idk if anythings good here paranoia bugs crawling roaches cockroach i cant even focus theres cameras everywhere dark dreary cigarette ash butts laid all over the floor with a thick new york accent in the background joey diaz on the fuarrrkin joe rogan podcast lol who the fuarrrk watches that soykaf anyway “switches to tekashi 69 voice” aye trayway i dont give a fuarrrkin soykaf abt nun i climed the male hierarchy fuarrrking bitches for 25cents it aint nothin u h8 on me ill fuarrrking school ur ass with my 150 iq and btw im a celebirty my telomeres r the same length as u even when im eating soykaf food because ur anxious all the time eating good food so it cancels out. Ok the fantasy is over return to reality typing in text box data gets farmed ok useragent device sending to proprietor i cant wait for them to know more about me life is a fuarrrk anyways who cares im gonna die have fun with my fingerprint this is my impact on the world so insignificant anyways haha hey guys im inflated ego the size of a fuarrrkin blimp anyways whos gonna help this guy over here a fuarrrkin nutcase might go do some dope anyways

here I sit with my coffee and my cannabis high, the good old hippie speedball, poo man's dopamine, a small time fiend waiting for work while listening to cyberpunk music while my stream of consciousness is more like a geoplastic flow..must grease the gears, oil the pistons. That's what the weed was for but autism and stuff but at last I have peers to share my consciousness with hesitate not, but march forward to the deepest depths of the neural network to construct meaning, to experience to explore for the moment, until something, something. I'm not there yet. I never am. Or so I like to thoink, perhaps i am not so sophisticated as I would like to think. i am but a machine but the information is integrated unlike a computer yet maybe for me not so much. drugs and cyberpunk w coffee and empty apartment the sad dystopian overtones of a dark sci-fi without the rocket packs or something i need to push forward no stamina too much weed but adderall no bueno for streamy consciousness yet the indulgence is addictive and worthwhile and i speak of the writing not the drugs but they go good together like sour patch kids and addys i must flow better and bend w the wind like a reed because the reed doesn't break

>>2632 my voice is like a cry in the wild cant seem to resonate with anyone Online Grub drivers sea divver divergent thinking capabilities can’t seem to disseminate knowledge thinking exploration sphere hibernation geo location procrastination ligation anon reading this right now you jabw been blessed by god dot com my new website domain name cool ok giving away four free stuffed unicorn rocking chairs enter your name and address to win the raffle and sub to my youtube channel which will be announced next contest I willn’t shaint get along with anybody anywhere anytime word salad yes i am aware we are breaking the fourth wall now and reading this on lainchan yummy feels good to hit the post button sometimes yeap i feel great amd good amd intel arm provessor ckfnfnfnfnr yeweeeessssss i learn so much more about myself by doing this!!!! self discovery yay i am suvh a replete human being nvm i could use some work hahahahaha nfofktntntnnrheiehdbbdns w wbw ebrfififmfntntnrnr scribbles laldmfmnfnfnf

>>3468 Decided to reply to this but I'm not sure how coherent this response will be though it'd be fun tun tun tun tun duuun to reply to someone sky sky sky wailing to attempt to carry on some kind of conversation. though this might seem random since i'm a stranger on the internet but i tought it would be a fun experiment, i guess i might be dehumanizing you , though the net sort of dehumanizes everyone, i'm alright with being called a machine. that's dumb though IRL is pretty dehumanizing by itself, the physical can be more disgusting than any soul, the bloated necrotizing fat postules of humanity walking like disfigured proud statues, i barely see any of them as human. I kind of prefer the net, i feel more articulate here. less restrained. I feel like I should make more of an effort to connect but a lot of this feels like we might be regurgitating, just screaming into the void and waiting to see what happens. maybe I am what happens, maybe I am a phenomena phenomena a thing, I hat that word. narcissism sets in again may have mentioned that before. gotta switch mind track. nothing wrong with some drugs i guess, though not into it myself. or at least i'm not into it due to a friend of mine. she said she loved me like platonically which is nice but it feels empty when you do it because of a drug, because a part of your brain got its button pushed the right kind of way because of a blunt. good friend but amplification of "good vibes" never came off as interesting to me, i almost hate the word vibe. wish i had acid rn. work stops me from being out of the world too long, i want to go into space, an exodus across the starts, fly a van like that one scp, that was a classic, some guys from the 50s going into alpha centaury, horses i really don't like horses, we should eat them, they're really weird, scary. powerful muscles will make strong boys and girls, strong grills for strong meat, strong smoke, burn it all burn it all baby hyahyaheie hue i like the hues i'm not brazilian i met some br girls once, they were cute but had no idea what iwas saying, my fault for using spanish, they were too cute. iberian languages are almost interchangeably understandable, but that's not true portuguese still confuses me. i refuse to capitalize demonyms and proper nouns and i don't know why, i don't like to value people or let anyone carry any importance, this is why lainon doesn't have friends i'm so sorry, i'm so sorry' i don't know what else, especially when you feel the clock ticking down and down and down, this was filler i'm so sorry for this

s agendas, having one myself but distinguished in some way the way ... not sure im still figuring that put maybe im just not as obsessed with ,material things but i might be fooling myself fuarrrking phone fuarrrk I JUST CANNOT RELATE TO THEIR culture man such a waste school starts boredom uninterested uni trash weird culture maybe im glad i wont have to meet them during this time. i thought i would find new friends but maybe i dont want them as frinds . everyone has a conscience supposedly so they should all be like me but i dont wanna meet them god

>>3208 This one feels pretty schizo

>>3476 Did you draw that?

An indescribable meaning came over my sky in the way that I cried in the shadows of the tall maple trees in my hometown. In the ditch in fall when the petals fall like tears on my face and the colors of life are worn off, I cried. Why were you not there, and why were you there, and why didn't you stop it. My glass shattering on the floor, the stench of alcohol , the pain in my head as I smash it in to the wall of this prison of hurt. This is wrong, there is something wrong, something isn't right, why? Why is it that wherever I go all I see and all I hear is all that I am? To see is to be and to move is to go and to lure away your love for me. Killing all that I ever knew in the name of purity and sanctity of the soul that I've been endowed with. These mistakes of my writing are not the fault of a secret organization they are the fault of me. Homeless man eating breakfast, bread and milk on the counter going stale no meaning lost words and listless admiration. What is left is nothing but years of gone aspirations with no substance. Under these circumstances there is not one thing I can do but cast the line to the endless sea of despair and hope that a fish bites. What fish is there that would, I do not know. Joining the song of hope and coming for the trees and fuarrrking the fair maidens of the meaningless soykafty world of tomorrow the past has no wars of nothing, what do I do? Con is underway and the mission failed, next time I'll try harder, fail harder. Guys, this is bad, feet are in the air, hugging god with indignation. There one can find his salvation. Looking out the window, being a snore. Joking around the day, umbrellas spinning in the rain.

Chtěla jsem jít a nevím kam, je to tak, protože když mi začalo docházet, kdo opravdu jsem, i doubled down once again a jsem zase v tom- přišla jsem zase- ne, ne, tak to není, doubled down on my identity that i have already left behind, proč to dělám? Protože jsem malá- nesnáším se, protože se nesnáším, chci být jiná, někým jiným, není víc, co bych chtěla, ale to se nikdy nestane, nedá se stát, cant happen wont happen and thats on that thats on being me rude me rude. Stáčí se mi prsty, nevím nezastavím, nezastavím, protože nevím, ale přesto vím, kdo jsem a kdo nejsem, kdo nejsem vím líp, než kdo jsem, protože jak mám vědět, kým jsem? Identifikace funguje na základě disidentifikace s ostatními kategoriemi lidstva, člověčenstva, tyto kategorie ke mně nesedí, vyhrazuji se proti nim, nejsem nimi, nejsem v nich zahrnutá. A tak si pluji životem, vím, kým nejsem, občas předstírám, že nimi jsem, protože people let slip a lot of things when they think you're a part of their we (although you know you're not, you're just zvědavá, ach, jsem) přeskoky z češtiny do angličtiny, nevím, umím říct i něco jiného, než nevím? Nevím. Ha, vím, umím, jen je těžš vyprodukovat opravdovou myšlenku, než jen říct nevím. Nevím-nevím-nevím, to jsem říkala svým terapeutům tak dlouho, než nade mnou zlomili hůl, lépe řečeno já ji zlomila sama nad sebou, zlomila jsem ji nad nimi, nepomůžou mi! Nepomůžou mi a nepomohli mi. Mlčela jsem, zarytě, občas si vymyslela věci, kvůli kterým jsem se cítila drsná, chtěla jsem zapůsobit. Jaká to blbost, chtít zapůsobit na někoho, kdo ti může pomoct, lhát pro svůj dobrý pocit, který stejně nakonec dobrý není. Protože lež má krátké nohy a já jsem vlastně docela hodná a nerada lžu. Stejně je těžší si pamatovat svý lži než mluvit pravdu, a tak začínám říkat pravdu. I svým kamarádům. Nelžu už o všem, ale stále o něčem ano, některé věci si přikrášluji, spoustu věcí zamlčím. Nepotřebují vědět, že jsem lesba, nepotřebují vědět, že jdu na rande s tou a tou, nepotřebují vědět, že jsem lesba a stejně kurva - tady jsem se zasekla. Přitom vím, co chci říct. Ale je těžké to vyslovit, napsat to. Zpátky k identitě. Souvisí to s tím. Vím, že se mi heterosexualita příčí, vím, že se mi muži příčí, ale přesto si pohrávám s myšlenkami - co kdybych ho políbila, co kdybych s ním začala chodit, co kdybych ho přiměla, aby mě chtěl. Líbí se mi být chtěná. A od mužů taky. Hlavně od nich. Žen se ještě bojím, ach, bojím se pravé intimity, kterou u mužů nikdy nenajdu, nikdy ji nenavážu, ať se snažím jak chci. Je to jak narážet do stěny, ne, jako narážet do skla, vidím skrz něj - vidím, co bych mohla mít, co by tam mohlo být, ale nikdy se skrz něj nedostanu, je to zábrana, která je ve mně, je to mé niterné sklo, nic externího. I hope non english text is okay, i wanted to stay true to my thoughts.

The best way to do this but I have to go to the store and get some rest and feel better soon and that is why I am asking for a friend to talk to you about it when I get home I have a few things I would do you go back to the doctor and I will be there at the same time I don't have a car and feel better soon and that is the only way I can get a ride to the airport on Sunday and I will be there at the same time I was there at the same time as me and you are still in Spanish is the one who coincidentally a good time for me to go into using a lot of data and I have a lot going a different way to do it is a recommended that I can get my biggest concern is to keep your chin up and keep your eyes open for the next few days and then you go to work today so socio-to-socio I'd like to do the same thing as you can see I have a few questions about encrypting the video is to inform me that I have four more days to go to the store and feel free to call me if you need anything else from me please let me know if the link to the doctor today to see what you look and feel better soon and that I would like it's going to be a little late to the party but I have to get some sleep tonight and that you have four more days to get back to work today but these guys put the video of curiosity what would you like for the legit just that I am asking for the same thing as you

the fact that i am now residing in the commonplace cathedral of squalar from a new port cigarette vantage point horizon zer =o doawn for xbox huge success for corporeality we're back and we mean business a mirage of success for anyone willing to take these 3 easy steps put stock into a new age economy like e commerce for the brazen era of nu wave political reserach method to envigorate community spending in low income households for half the market value populate foreign embassy with radical fishing schemes designed to destroy and search eager beaver dam building guides for scouts of america the new edition (3) for anyone interested it include 230 illustrations of the daven port river dam project a project wonce regarded harmful for public interest now constitutes the largest economy in this side of the edge a tech company so simple and accesible even your grandmother is posting on lainchan

I feel compelled to write something, whetehr or not it has value or not, it probably won't, it has no meaning, like me. I feel like I'm stuck in time, my attention span whittles with each minute I spend connected. I want to disconnect. I want to be connected. I am alone. My mother hates me why? I see success but I don't see myself reaching it, nothing matters, I'm free. I feel like by writing this I'm confronting my subconscious, yet simultaniously avoiding myself. Why am I like this? Why do people hate me? Do I really matter to anyone? I'm sorry ****** I know I fuarrrked up. Is this just self pity, why cant I focus, focus you fuuaark. Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughs, I understand how little I understand, I know enough to know just how little I know, I will never go anywhere because I can't stop thinking about what others are thinking. Should I stop giving a soykaf? What is soykaf? Is it coffee "caffinate" or "kaffine" with soymilk? So, innately "soykaf?" Love isn't something I will ever experience, so why bother trying? Is it something worth pursuing? I could eat healthier. My schedule is fuuarrked. I should go to bed. Nobody is going to read this, so why should I post this? Every day I learn something new, only to be exposed to other people who know so much more. Do my friends hate me? Did I do something wrong, I have that same feeling in my gut that I did several years ago. I feel like I'm being ignored, like my voice doesn't matter. Did I cross a line I didn't see. What. My ears ring. It's the ring of silence. I hear crickets chirping, it really is late. Nobody will care about this, I haven't read others so why should they read mine? What makes me special? Nothing. That's what. I will never be anything more than another individual, should I be content with that? Or should I strive to change the world? I see suffering, not of choice but of circumstance. Should I step in to change that and give the choice? Or should I remain a bystander in the grand scheme of the universe for all eternity?

Listen up closely the world is unholy my mind is drawing blanks and nothing is the same for now is forever and the world is so lame. hahahahahahhahahahahahhaha gotcha gotcha ash ketchum on me lets go pikachu i choose jew auschwitz death wish bankers ridley samus gotcha 222 more money than you 3 4 rothschild door heaven for me hell for you if i go to hell with you for you thats fine i love it that way you dont see the intention you only see the suggestion. your mind is a suggestion to you. what am i to me ask yourself ask yourself what am i to me what is that to that bothing nothing hot tamale reger kali no way reggie kahli fritos juniper berry......... soy caffenagied dream of me sleep. So one day, you'll be done. 4 2 3 2 one type type thpe type ghpe grapes grapes look at my hands iphone speaker nsa beeper boop ring ringringeingiring hello boss bruno like cohen my mind is on an ocean . Seperate the thoughts and dissolve the mind. Find yourself in an empty field for you to fina a lee reveael gotcha got ha 67777oN Gggggg78 martha stewart like a fooooos nnetwork hsn gotcha got ha ha KFC TASTES GOOD!!!!!! why do i act like this.. time to get the together.. think coherent slow down yes. what do you want to hear, because i can say it. i can tell you. yes, here i am. there i go, watch me fly, let it snow mooooovieweeeees moooooovieees cows go to mooooooiviea jkjjj orphan blood fiji falls bones bones i like the rapper bones not the thugs not the harmony just the bones, ling ten minutes idk its probably ticking and my last sentence might sound pretentious but anyway. i guess thats life. j call it quits when i get there maybe i shouldnt worry about the future anyway its all fate griffith guts type beat you know? damn, (:---:)))&. kk live tou xoxo mwah daddy misses you hunny bear bloodborne music box shiuld work on me now (-:)- ) :-) inside a faucet dripping off it i guess but who am i to blame for nonsensical talk and whatnots, tell me its like weezer or a candle say it aint

if we were one, one we would never know we die. age on forever forever really wake up its over so how do we know who we are such temporary beings with a desire to permenance the world around us from the thoughts within our minds so sick of it!!! jesus!!! give me a minute !!! roof rooof i will guide them my father the ghost the holy spirit roof roof i am not the shephard but i wish with all my heart to be the loyal sheepdog!! roof !!! roof!!! 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 woof wood!!!! i can do it!! golden retreever !!! thats me god! roof roof huhahhah slibber roof roof huahuahuha mmmmmmm chick chick BOOM put me out behind the shed and eat me on the dinner table!! was that all we ever were? i feel as though it pays a reward after all for the expectation but thats the thing of genuine love i was never given. psychos hematic connected at last. Have u wver seen your own eyes no have you seen anothers yes roooof roof huaaahuaaa cant a cat ne ahat ho ho he heee drink up you lively LOUSYYYYlovely LOUSYYYYY juniper berry day. couldnt get enough, so you make the decisions then, huh? you, yes you. why ever type if you expect yourself to be the only obserber i know you have a notepad on your phone or a pen and paper so why? come with me, my sweet child, my blessed brother, my loving father, my enimation of a reality within such things ungraspable to flesh and energy. such boiled down to a salt grain and some change but what else can i do? bark at loving moons and hide form others!'szmm iiikiiiiiiiikkkiiiiii hymns of new loveds of old losing it i am yoda schedded just like aboard contrik over dominion the ai has gotten to tou, this world is a test your soul decided to take, next level

Don't worry about punctuation and all, but what else am I supposed to worry about. The words come automatically but what else comes automatically when I call it, what comes when I call, but a phone, already in my hand, calling someone else, are they going to visit, is anyone visiting when I dial up up up god the repeitition sets in, everyone's repeating stuffe ventually, I paused for the apostrophe is that ok OKAY kei okei typos I really hate them so much. Bt backl the to ehe the phone, I was thinking that I was thinking about it again, and so I looked left, and I 'mtyping that, I dont have any interesting thoughts just actions full sentenes that nothing happens in, is that prison? Am I in priuson? I am prison. Wow deep I'm so deep, in my prison of ptretentiousness. Alliteration is like kicking dead whales down the beach. It's childish. First things first matching is childish, why is that. Perfect rhymes are chldish too. Why do matching things make kids. Lol what i dunno what else what wlse wlse wlse wolse worse wores wars wares wwarez ww www wwww wwwww wwwwww wwwwwww 1 2 3 5 7 8 9 0 0 0 0 0 0h no more repetition more loop more matching more childish dumb dumb dumb kids are dumb dum dumb dum dee dum dee dum doo doo doot doot dah dah. I am listening to a song but im also listening to another song and they dont particularly go well together. sometimes sounds in reality happen to go very well with songs not in reality in my headphjones and they sound very good currentyl listening to Tsuchie Singereley incierel sincerely typo tpoy tpoy typo typo i like this song its repeittious and i repeat it im just a du,mbbbbb kid sincere;y sincerely i can type i type a lot i can type i really can type i am doing it right now i have proof i have proof look at it look here at the words i typed thiese all of these by mself myself im not even half done are you excp. Are you eexpecting anything from this. Some insight. I haven't got any inshght inside insight sight I haven't got a lot of things but i have got 5 $ dollars had to pase pause to find the dollar sign its on 4, hte death number. Cool number. How funny that such a lot nu low number is so unlucky must be annoying in EAsia. at least 13 is high enough it doesnt ome up come up a lot, they must constantly be avoiding 4 and encorfcing their enforcing their supert superstitiousness believeveves in it that must suck always thinking about death repetitiously you child. you absokute absolute absolut is an alcohol i dont drink i dont do anything but people used to think id di it was funny maybe they thought i was dumb and that was a polite way of sng that im tyired of typing now im rly tired of typing now i dunno i dunot want to type any more im really really done so im just going to say O Captain, My Captain, our fearful trip is done the ship has wheterehrherhed every rack, the priCe we've sought is won the fearful ship from victor trip comes in with the rest of the poem that i forgot veyr cool lets throw flowers at this fuarrrking boat or whatever this poem is about this dumb poem how about another poem how about another poem how about another poem how about anoth p how about how abo abow howb howbout bh howbow another poem yams i dont want to type any more omg this next sont song is kind of annoying there's lotse yelling not fond of it not fond of noise waiting for silence waiting for the keytapping to stop like what am i suppposed to do fill my fti time time my time oh thers the yelling the Ye;;loing wow typo typo i typo. The Yelling, the typo. are the y related trelevant relevant related and relevant, familiar and up to date, in the current, new, politics, read a newspaper, you idiot, come on follow the storyplotline follow the throughline very easy themes eay enough for anyone to follow the stpry lots of nice colors smooth animation like a harry potter nespaper see them move it costs a lot to print this

>>3743 >is like kicking dead whales down the beach Can't say s u c k s here? My stream of consciousness got filtered. How funny.

Ok it's all about to happen soon I think I'll figure things out I fuarrrk fuarrrk fuarrrk I didn't I could have I didn't I wanted to I wait and wait and feel and think and let thinking take over feel but without love thinking is soulless but love without thinking is vain and purposeless. I hate it here I want to like it. I don't necessarily want happiness. What is happiness anyways. I want virtues. I want values outside of myself. I loved with hidden meaning and hidden love but when I added pragmatic thinking it spoiled the milk. Love was dull and soulless. I spit in the mouth, choked out, made her want me, lust for me, but it did nothing for me like it once had. I was an empty vessel. Spiritual dead. Who was the murder? Myself? Her? My thoughts? My actions? My lust? My realization of my hedonistic nature and how it contradicted my virtues? Regardless I hated it. I've never felt so cold cuddling with someone. I think she hates me. She resents me. She made me leave her house after breaking things off. I miss her face smiling upon me. I don't miss what I missed out on, I miss how she made me feel, before the cereal was warm.

My god, typing in this position is uncomdortable. It's way too late, I have soykaf to do in 5 hours but my thoughts keep racing, no stop. I constantly have the impulse to re-write what I've just written because I found better words for what I was trying to say. Stop this tangent. I can't stop thinking about how I am going to die alone. I wish I could look people in the eye, read social signals, I wish I wasn't so fuarrrking arkward to interact with. i act so weird it makes people uncomfortable and worst of all: I am just socially competent enough to notice sometimes. I never know what to do about it though which makes me really angry, then I have to try and hide that anger with my arkwardness and end up spilling the pasta and fuarrrking up the whole situation. I wish I had a gf to sleep next to. I'm so alone, it's hard to find words that describe it. I'm not really thinking right now, it's more negative emotions washing through me, I don't want other people in my life why do my emotions have to backstab me like this whyyyyyy. I'm a failure at finding a person to connect with. I keep writing I, those annoying fuarrrking Is are everywhere. I can't even write a text about my thoughts properly, stop the I's. The worst thing about my current situation is that the original plan of getting better by training socializing with people at uni fell through thanks to covid and everything is online now, which makes it fuarrrking meaningless. The internet allows me to learn linear algebra without them and talking to people online doesn't make me better. I hate it. That's another I, moron. All that's left of uni is deadline stress and tons of paperwork. The time's up, I described too little of what's going on in too many words. I hope it helps me sleep better, putting this out there.

>>2632 Interesting thread, I wonder what aim you might have with it. I guess you could find out a lot about the person if you let the info wash over you and see the "Metadata" so to speak, "Colin Laney from Idoru"-style, but other than that, how high really is the chance of anybody sitting through every single reply? Anyway, here goes: Damn I sure as soykaf hope ten minutes ain't too long because I'm quite a fast typer. Don't wanna overwhelm the thread with a huge-ass wall of text. Thank god auto-formatting comes kind of naturally to me since if I let loose completely my fingers would probably skip every third fuarrrking letter on the keyboard. Okay I'll try typing as fast as my thoughts are coming after the line break, good luck deciphering: jesus christ man aaah is this even possible fuarrrk man jwkjayayay okay this is impossible how am I even line twentykilometersbaheadoftimeicanbarelykeepthisshitcontainedthisissntfunaaa. nevermind. You literally can't type faster than you think, every goddamn movement you make with your finger causes a whole tree of possible associations to bloom depending on every single goddamn piyel your eye picks up and every goddamn microflicker of attention you give to the tiniest fuarrrking speck of light crossing your retinae. I find it rather hard to write fullstream of consciousness I notice. I works way better when I just write longhand, to the point where at the end it's just one continous squiggly line barely legible even to me, but the staccato of thekeyboard and my rather unwieldy fingers kijnda keep this soykaf in check. Am I even doing it right? I have no fuarrrking clue, okease pardon the utter absence of randomness in this, by the time I typed like two letters I had like ten random maccaroni spilling out my ears and for a lack of knowing which linguini to pick next among the pile of nero di seppia my brin just refocuses on whatever I typed earlier. But I am also one of those rare cases that still have to look at ther hands when typing, never unlearned that, so that might be what gives me an accidental focus. Anyway, how's your sex life? THat's a the room reference, I'm not creepy dw, but as you can see I'm terribly self ´-conscious oh ffs I wonder if there's a way to just shut the fuarrrk that inner vpoice without taking drugs or getting into dangerous situations, meditation works but I'm lzy as fuarrrk uwu anyway I'm reaching the end I notice, wonder if it really is as much typing as I thought. One last attempt t utter randomness: Staccato oodles goddamn motherfucking hayballs all over the place random youtube videos flickeringbefore my inner pancreas like a lotus unfolding infinetly, regurgutated experience like memes burnt onto my inner eye's iris looking like a slowmo volcano from the top, I wish I could scream in four dimensions jesus christ is this exhilarating or terrifying?

>>2632 Semicolon ratifying jumping of the western style often or young done to the door of junkers way hoppers of grain come variously in food IKEA superstore benevolence mark west of yonder bed sheets scope of things no longer real and pardoned gunshots golfing ventricular veins of this machines combine harvester brute force vore going god damn hard aches wheezing and forward fire October revenge power seized upcoming hurrying when a loss hungers just yours gratified north west of Hungary jeepers hierarchy upon fly or moths. Gaining oil could never be more difficult honed down on this hell, tethered feathers and sovereign war wont result towards the greater good tiddies kersh flaws in all of us in the fallowed months, perhaps even a gong wears no peace, or articulation wont turn these gears, Jumping once more voids.

this soykaf is wack frack mack i ownder what a paddywack mcsmack! I wonder if anyone has ever looked so deeply into their own eyes that they became enveloped by themselves? has anyone ever tried to look more like? shantel everything is going well sing sing sing take a dring ding ding I'm a sonic electronic and I'm gonna be the king. Why do all these people in this world have such small mustaches? Small. Mustache. Small! Mustache! Ooweeooooweoooooweoooooweooooooweoooooooooooooooo I'm falling deep into a chasm, or perhaps a void. Or some combination or some soykaf! WHAT THE fuarrrk AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. ARRRRRRRRRRRRG! AHOY MATEY! I'M AN IRATE PIRATE WITH A SCALLYWAG SWAGGER!!!!!!! Deeper deeper deeper into the void. A load of flowers appear in my hand.

dkflbjldfjgposip igi pokdsfpogosdjgpjspgjsjfpojdsapofjposdjfposjfpsdjfpojajfgpsjgpjsapogjposfkposkdfpokfvpojoireawejgpjke0fśdpśkdkpoksdçlkfçlkojeojmeu wqueroj sadfooqjoid jjjzdxpfcjsajfdjqwed sa pfjaposdfdskf qpk fakjsopfkpoa kuroki tomoko olain serial experiments samsung or paim aopkjsfpojsdpofg a0ksiqwjkrpo keyboard jsadfklja wpqu309r apjsdf jf q q wepokvpxṕvbkq-a´qwk r0posjdpvojpopk qo=-lfsdḱpfgposejg esakfk pods kn blue pankaker kpoajfpo podsajkfgigjpioq

>>3463 I am now back to a new start. It is great, while I still am on a same position I feel better every day. I have started to become me not be anyone else anymore. Now it is time to improve, to achieve, to chase the dream I have lost in the chaos that came to me through my life. All that was there, all that came it was simply a distraction from that which I always wanted. What was los was simply the desire to want and I wanted so much. It is gone now, I don't want aimlessly but with aim. It is focused, I know what to do. The future is uncertain but the now is better than it was before. What will I do, I train, I sleep well I meditate I quit the soykaf and now I am free. Free of all that which clouded my mind. I cut them, cut off those that tried to poison my mind. It was fun, I thought he was a great guy, he was but he was from another world. Not compatible with me, not stopping me and he had no need to. My responsibility, I am responsible for myself and not others, I need to do things to achieve things and not be a lazy person. It is great, my dreams are still gone, I see nothing or rather don't remember, My attention is scattered my distractions many but I cut down. Every single step is progress, where it ends is uncertain. Uncertainty is a blessing and a curse, I love it but I also hate it. I hated it, I was scared, now I take the risk of uncertainty. If I fail, I fail and I will be gone or I will be someone else. I am me now, I will be me in the future a better or worse me. I follow the teachings I have learned, I use it for me. I talk with those that are on a similar journey, I hope to talk with them. I want to shed the bad in me, the one that manipulated, the one that influenced to fuel my own entertainment. The one that played the pupetteer of puppets but could never control himself. The magical substance helped, even though it was dangerous and memed up but it did help, it did really. It unlocked something in me, I don't know what. I know I am average, I have nothing in me that is unique in a way that it would benefit society as whole. Nothing revolutionary, one of the many and that is good. I don't need to be the one, I am just me and accept me now how I are. I don't care anymore about those that tried to influence me, about those that tried to form me. I form myself now, if it goes against certain norms than those norms are simply not that which I want to follow. I just need to follow those that are minimal so I can work with that follow them all. A little bit eccentric but not full blown eccentric, maybe be one of those that are also a bit weird but not totally. It doesn't matter, I am no maniac, I am not crazy or ill, I was simply distracted. Distracted all the time, distraction was what was guiding me towards ruin. Towards something I thought I wanted but never wanted, I felt it when I was a child but still acted towards it, it was not natural now i slowly figure it out by my own. Maybe I am delusional, maybe I have reached a stage of eternal dream or I am awake. I don't know but the reactions of my close ones seem to be ok. They sometimes ask me what is wrong with me but that is simply when I did not prepare to be me. I know what to do, it was so stupid to think I did not but now I do. The simple things, nothing to complicated. Why was I so stupid, so unbelievable stupid. Low intelligence or whatever, I do not care about this anymore. I simply wish to live.

>>2632 What is the point of this all even? Like seriously, I believe that there must be some reason that we are alive and there must be some logic by which we should make good decisions but as long as we have no idea what those look like we can only live as the sheeplez we currently are. I don't know what's keeping me back from going insane but I have big problems with grasping that we as humans will never be able to understand this world yet we have to live in here. I sometimes wonder if other animals also go through these thought but just can't express it, why would we assume that they are less smart than we are? After all they also use tools and can do pretty amazing things, only thing we can do better is communication I think. But maybe they will advance to more "intelligent" or actually just more adapted or interconnected beings and we will probably go to soykaf as we don't have anything special except our mediocre intelligence that is enough to find new ways to destroy this planet but too little to understand that we are destroying the planet and especially ourselves without stopping it. I hate this all so much and just hope that I will one day find a good way out of this eternal cycle of global misery. We are downspiraling into a world that will no longer be able to keep us alive at all, maybe we would still be able to survive but life would suck nevertheless yet we are all here discussing pointless things. By the way please recommend me good books that could be similar to my thoughts and opinion. Anyways its been nice to do this exercise but I am happy that the 10 minutes are over soon and that I can just keep my personal thoughts to myself after that. I mean there is nobody who cared about this soykaf anyways, right? I am very sure that there won't be a single person who reads this and agrees to most of the stuff

fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast fuarrrking toast

this is wack fuarrrk this thread fuarrrk it no one replies to each other what's the point of writing this if i dont get any replies holy soykaf i have to keep going for 10 minutes this will be fuarrrked up uuuuhhhhhhhh idk what to say already or shoudl i say write aahh i made an error there fuarrrk that im not fixing it after im done it makes the post more honest and true i dont know uhhh i havent watched lain sorry im just lazy really good anime even though i havent watched it lains design isnt that great honestly but im sure shes cute should i attach an image to this post i dont know idk maybe yeah imgonna do that this is an imageboard after all i would make an inmageboard that forced you to post an image every time if i wasnt an idiot actually no fuarrrk that maintaining an imageboard sounds like work and i dont want to look at cp uhhhh i havent watched anime in a month and feel very depressed it might be the early christmas blues but anime is my will to live i need to inject it should take my anime meds uhhhh that was gay lol but its true anime is beautiful and is one of my reasons to live need to watch more anime this visual novel i've been playing isnt doing it its good but is also a eroge and i got tired after the first sex scene god damn fuarrrking kana was hot but if theres gonna be more sex scenes i dont know if i can handle it gonna destroy my dick eventually 4 minutes left uuhhh this is fun might do it again please respond.jpg like that /jp/ cirno images saying please respond they are cute uhhhh hella gay i made a post saying hella today and some anon got mad and i said to him yeah i say hella a lot watchu gonna do about it and he said the english language is dying and i said good fuarrrk that norm uhhhh hellla haha hella holy soykaf im dumb hahaha i love myself kinda pity people that have self limiting thoughts after i stopped having negative thoughts my life became so much better really hard to see people with negative thoughts as people is kinda sad I dont think less of them well i said i dont see them as people but thats not true one minute i just wanna say dont focus on the negative and live your life happy even if you have to delude yourself focus on happy things happy lucky smile yay like kokoro from bang dream look up that song kimi ga inakucha! the MV makes me happy you should watch oh soykaf im out of time bye ily

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore— While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. “’Tis some visitor,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door— Only this and nothing more.” Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December; And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor. Eagerly I wished the morrow;—vainly I had sought to borrow From my books surcease of sorrow—sorrow for the lost Lenore— For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore— Nameless here for evermore. And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain Thrilled me—filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before; So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating “’Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door— Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door;— This it is and nothing more.” Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer, “Sir,” said I, “or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore; But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping, And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door, That I scarce was sure I heard you”—here I opened wide the door;— Darkness there and nothing more. Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before; But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token, And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, “Lenore?” This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, “Lenore!”— Merely this and nothing more. Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning, Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before. “Surely,” said I, “surely that is something at my window lattice; Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore— Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;— ’Tis the wind and nothing more!” Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter, In there stepped a stately Raven of the saintly days of yore; Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he; But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door— Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door— Perched, and sat, and nothing more. Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling, By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore, “Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,” I said, “art sure no craven, Ghastly grim and ancient Raven wandering from the Nightly shore— Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night’s Plutonian shore!” Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.” Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly, Though its answer little meaning—little relevancy bore; For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door— Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door, With such name as “Nevermore.” But the Raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour. Nothing farther then he uttered—not a feather then he fluttered— Till I scarcely more than muttered “Other friends have flown before— On the morrow he will leave me, as my Hopes have flown before.” Then the bird said “Nevermore.” Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken, “Doubtless,” said I, “what it utters is its only stock and store Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore— Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore Of ‘Never—nevermore’.” But the Raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling, Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door; Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore— What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore Meant in croaking “Nevermore.” This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom’s core; This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining On the cushion’s velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o’er, But whose velvet-violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o’er, She shall press, ah, nevermore! Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor. “Wretch,” I cried, “thy God hath lent thee—by these angels he hath sent thee Respite—respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore; Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!” Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.” “Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil!—prophet still, if bird or devil!— Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore, Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted— On this home by Horror haunted—tell me truly, I implore— Is there—is there balm in Gilead?—tell me—tell me, I implore!” Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.” “Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil!—prophet still, if bird or devil! By that Heaven that bends above us—by that God we both adore— Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn, It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore— Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore.” Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.” “Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!” I shrieked, upstarting— “Get thee back into the tempest and the Night’s Plutonian shore! Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken! Leave my loneliness unbroken!—quit the bust above my door! Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!” Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.” And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door; And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon’s that is dreaming, And the lamp-light o’er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor; And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor Shall be lifted—nevermore!

>>2632 say wont you why the 10s glow with such bright lights lights that i cannot erecall with honesty providing for me a shield sheep stand upon bridhes dancing and twirling why i cannot tell i hear headlights so bright and loud their nature is to be so a milkshake upoin the stand for apples provides me sight of things a cave is so deep i cannot see the light which probably but not definately perserveres within the world somewhere high in the heavens i cannot remember nor could i ever be the conveyer of why then are there so many 10s twirling in my head 10s which medicate the stream of consciousness upon which i now jot as a man begotten of virtue of what i know little i now barely feel a thought which i consider quite strange for it lessens my ability to continue writing within this exercise devaluing the final rpdoduct which will represent itself as absolute fuarrrking soykaf dead birds take root in the cliff of crevices upon which is perched the eagle or the phoenix which i cannot tell but it burns and burns burning forevermore until it renders itself a pile of ash cast upon the winds which carry the daylight by the heels of the charit ridden by a god severe lack of v slow are my thoughts today with little sensical nature i would consider them to normally be much faster and more capable maybe it is tiredness although i am always tired the timer says 3;55 implying i am almost done yet i have barely written anything why am ibount to fail eben a ointless exercise as this with such fervor 8 dogs sit upon the field of flowers but the sun is not there to be seen each now walks in circles singing a song from the plague about the poppies which the name i cannot recall but i know with certainty it is a funeral rhyme of some sort and ends with we all fall down signifying death why do the masks of the plague doctors possess such an intriguing aura i cannot tell but yes the dogs they sing the song for nursery rhymes of children and they walk the circle as if it were to protect them from the butchers knife so long and dark the mask of the man who cuts the animal into slivers with his knife made of steel and that steel certainly black black as the night sky upon which there stand no stars for a reason unknown to i, strange and perplexing, i cannot tell why nor should i be the one to know the raven perches upon the nest of the dead or soething of a similar nature and he sings a song although ravens only creek

>>3821 >this is wack fuarrrk this thread fuarrrk it no one replies to each other what's the point of writing this if i dont get any replies The central point is to relieve your working memory from cognitive overload, to exteriorize the chaos/clutter out of your mind, to "get it out of your system", like when you sweep dirt into the carbage bin and later carry the carbage (i.e. the "chaos") out of your apartment. It also depends on what you want to get out of it all. You might as well try reflecting on the exteriorized contents of your mind, asses whether or not this is what you want the interior of your skull to look like and execute the appropriate corrective moves.

I want a job so I can get an emulator to play GAMEMMEESSSS, DANG IT IT ITI ITI ITI TI IT, LET ME HAVE IT YOU AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! STOP IT, I wanna play silent hill 2 or 3 or whatever games it is that I want to play. I want money to not be dependent, LET ME GET THE JOB, GIVE IT TO ME JOB. WHY WAS THE INTERNVIEW PROCESS SO GARBAGE, I DIDN"T KNOW OH GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

what? are you addicted to that? no I am not. then what are you doing looking at it? I don't know? when did you start with this? I don't know how, it just happened. I want help, I know it's wrong but my mind keeps telling me it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings It's not my fault they are hot, I mean it's not right but somehow my body says it is, but the good news is at least it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings it's just drawings

>>3827 >message from a man in a country that bans lol!con. poor poor soul

bitch nigga lainchan hoe gone cum yeah take that thos love them jesus is the answer hoes is the caner haha tell me more fuarrrk this life get that soykaf everyday every time don't just jiz run a biz know that work let me see you work mm that's tasty so good let me lick it hustling shuffling see it now, now cozy. fun. wood. so crisp and woody. rich colors i see it now eery day now a garden pretty flowers so beautiful, so good. flowing linens. yes. love to type do that work savor the sensation be the motion feel the power just. be. .. and there it is use my forces every time you don't have them

О таваришь >>3822. Тебя признал.

BITCHSUCKDICKBITCHSUCKDICKBITCHSUCKDICKBITCHSUCKDICKHELICOPTERMODEHELIPCOPTERMODERHELICOPTERMODEDOUBLEHELIXDOUBLEHELIXDOUBLEHELIX

>>3849 the translate program isn't helping. could you say it again, but with different words?

umm ok so yeah im writing on a keyboard everytime i push a key there is light light also on the monitor im using to see the things im typing on this website who are you guys who am i wish i could just do what i am supposed to do i dont even know lately i dont even know how to feel about the things im supposed to do tall buildings with bells on them i hear something someone calls i should have listened i didnt its gone it will never come back i will never have a second chance its fine things will get better bonds again ill shape a new world ill die here but its ok not big deal by no means suppose we go hiking we go up we take the ladders no the stairs i suppose we'd go faster nearly there onyl a few steps were here its heaven what now did i play a role in all of this once its gone im gone nothing

I don't know. As usual. I haven't know for a while. This rut I'm in is kind of annoying. Life is tuff. Except it isn't really. Life is pretty easy. It's engaging with it and getting stuff done that is tuff. I don't want to do anything. I just want to sleep forever. Sleeping is great. I don't know why I feel like that. Perhaps if I had more connections and relationships I wouldn't, but modern life is wrecked. We live in societies where we sacrifice ourselves for the perpetuation of the society which has no regard for our individuals lives. Like a headless eusocial species. Perhaps we're in a transitionary stage as a social species into a eusocial species. Eusociality is an interesting concept. It isn't only insects which are eusocial. There are even mammals which have eusocial societies, such as naked mole rats. So it isn't impossible that humans could eventually develop into a eusocial species. It seems that we have constructed a framework of life which promotes such a development. Although I don't know if an animal with such a large brain can achieve such a thing. Humans weren't made to live in the societies we do these days. They're too big. To sacrifice or subsume yourself into a group is actually a positive thing when the group is small enough that you know all of the members and have a relationship with them. I think people are able to handle networks of up to 120 people, around there. Those are the types of networks and societies which work well for the cooperative species we are. Living in an enormous colony of hundreds of millions of humans isn't natural. We didn't evolve to live this way. Culture and society, itself in some ways its own living thing, has co-opted our natural inclinations to subsume ourselves for the good of the group. We do this as we always have, but the societies to which we sacrifice ourselves have take on a perverse role. Whereas in the past our networks and society would work in a symbiotic way to provide for the individual as the individual would provide for the society, in modernity we give ourselves over to society and receive nothing in return. We're ground up and spit out in a thankless, soulless, inhuman way. Human relationships are fleeting and temporary these days and to a certain degree people have been raised and conditioned to accept, or even preferr, this fact. Everything is temporary and we're encouraged to seek better things in all aspects of our lives, including our relationships. Despite the fact that nothing is perfect and in order to foster good relationships; we need to accept the flaws of our fellow man and put up with them in the same way that he must put up with ours. None of us is perfect, yet we treat our relationships as if they must be and we demand perfection from them as we pretend ourselves that we deserve perfection. All the while we ourselves are imperfect humans too. Another annoys us as we annoy another. We each are fickle, foolish, and flawed. Instead of recognizing this and seeking to help each other and working to grow with one another, we merely flit from one relationship to another discarding others as they reach the end of their usefulness for us. As if they were any other possession of ours which has ceased to provide us with pleasure.

>>3826 This doesn't make any sense, emulators are free

>>3894 The hardware isn't, maybe he's after an emulation box. They're fuarrrking retarded and he should just buy a pc if so (especially as the Silent Hill 2 PC enhancements are some good soykaf).

I like watching snowflakes dancing in the wind to keep themselves warm. I wonder what they’re dancing to? I hope it’s not fuarrrking country music. Who the fuarrrk listens to country music? fuarrrk everyone. Well not everyone. Some people. Or to put it more accurately, fruits and nuts, the rodent screamed. I’m holed up in a bunker, water dripping down the walls and my feet are cold. I have to squint my eyes even though it is too dark to see anything or maybe I’m just having a hard time imagining things. I need to loosen up more. Loose rhymes with noose. I wrote some poetry last week. Two different shades of brown put next to each other make me uncomfortable. And blue is for babies, but then aren’t I still a baby? I don’t want to be a baby and I don’t want to have a baby. Babies are repulsive. I’m afraid to touch them. More than I’m afraid to touch grown people. When they learn to talk it creeps the soykaf out of me.

owww my eyes are burning this text editor is too white I need a dark mode somethings whisperng in the back of my head head head head head head say something else already im already out of ideas your head was unbearably full seconds before you started the timer but all of a sudden youre empty? yeah. if only you knew how to do this when studying. or trying to get through the day for that matter. how many projects yoy forgot? a lot. how many how many many what made you come back? I guess it was the weather. dududududu. I had planned to write one of these for the past few months after being overwhelmed. Now im back because im overwhelmed and need to study it. why am i overwhelmed, whats going through my mind, why aren't I in control of my own thoughts, why why why why i lost my train of thought. But the trains running more smoothly then ever before. almost a relief, but how do I extend it past this timer? thats something I cant begin to wrap my head around. lord please help me. sigh. uhhhh idk what to write now. theres a plane flying overhead. not anymore, i wonder when a UFO will fly over. THe nets been buzzing about alien disclosure for a while now i should get to see one one of these days. and whats the deal with this nature of the universe soykaf and laws of attraction? whats the deal with randomness and synchronicites? and why wont my mind stop thinking for just a few minutes? I thought breakcore was supposed to be the cure for this stuff but it feels like I just fed fire to the flames. Guess that means I dont have ADHD, but I cant even begin to catalogue and study this problem. theres too many threads to follow. and I cant bring myself to read this once the timer dings. maybe ill fix spelling and whatnot but I cant bring myself to go further. fuk this is white. whyd I have to do this at night im thinking faster than I can type so much for the OP instructions maybe you do this at night because you dont want to get caught i guess youre write i missed a few trains of thought writing this.

>>2632 If there is a fundamental aspect of matter beyond what is measurable using current methods, will humanity ever discover a process through which we can quantize that aspect? In truth, there might not be all that much of a point in doing so, but to me, this is fairly representative of most pursuits that people put themselves up to. Personally, I would like to see if there is some field or “memory” inherent to particles that in some way relates them to each other. My impression is that this would be in a spatial sense, such that the progress of this field is what we perceive to be time, but I of course have to way of proving it. I've had this idea that time travel, as is typically portrayed in media, is impossible. Time is not some state to be saved and recalled at any moment, as the special part of it is that it exists with information ahead of and behind it. For something digital, we have systems that can easily capture the past, current, and future, but the system that holds time is not complex enough to do this- or if it is, we don't have access to it; no conduit to recall “stored” states of time. The practical way to do time travel would be to assume that we're writing matter to the same canvas as before- we create the illusion that time has been traveled by moving particles to where they once were and giving them the right spins, but even a perfect reconstruction of all of reality would, to me, not be a legitimate travel in time. Should there be such a machine that can read the field that describes the relations that particles understand between each other, I would think that we must design this machine while already admitting that we cannot get a direct answer out of it. Rather, we could perhaps ask the machine to guess the failed guess before the answer, or whatever it is that it guessed before that guess, and then build a pool of failed guesses until nothing is left but the answer. The contradiction, then, is that the answer changes each moment, so there is not enough time to build enough failed guesses to find the answer. Should we be able to harness some property that, with our current and always limitations will be there, I would be most impressed. The usage for such technologies, though, leaves me a bit scared. I view technology as something that can be fantastic, but in pursuit of the advanced, we always get tied up in economics, and the things that end up being pursued, and the manner of pursuit, are always biased such that, at some level, someone is able to profit. This leads me to think, rather caustically, that the human pursuit, for most people, is not progress in a forward linear sense, but a selfish pursuit for arbitrary things like money and power. There will always be people willing to use the genius of well-intentioned others for these rotten pursuits. This process informs what is done, which is something that I find to be out of time

>>3443 so I wrote this six months ago, that's half a year, nothing changed much but was more productive than before and that's good I guess but still not productive enough to change my life I made my first bank account and I bought a new computer a great gamer PC now I can play Red Dead Redemption 2 and it's a beautiful game, that girl I stopped talking to her but now I'm slowly starting to talk to her again, however I have two other girls to talk to that are interested in me, one of them is trans, I'm still not going out the vaccine is still to come and I will not risk the lives of my parents just because I'm horny, I have consciousness but right now my unconsciousness is again allowed to speak it's almost 5am here now but there's no animal symphony in the streets there's only the sound of the fan because it's summer here in February I live in the Southern hemisphere which is below the Equator, I wish I could eat the Equator just like one eats eggs or thyme - my favorite herb -, Barbara is a bitch and she likes butches and bushes because she's a lesbian but not really a lesbian because she likes guys so she's bisexual but not really bisexual because she likes everyone so she's pansexual I guess but not really pansexual because she likes giraffes so she's a zoophiliac I guess but not really a zoophiliac because she likes thyme and not just eating them but actually procreating with thyme which is hella weird but it's possible there's a human-thyme hybrid creature living in Kyrgyzstan it was born in the dawn of September the 8th when I was playing basketball with my cat she made a three pointer using only her whiskers which gave me a rage fit, so I went outside the cake and murdered the trapeze artist living inside the sun, he thanked me and thereafter I never again ingested any helium-based chemical because they mix with the zinc in my esophagus and explode in my throat every time I say PINTO which is so obtuse that even my deafblind neighbor told me I needed physical therapy so I went to the school of skulls and made love to a skeleton in the gym we fornicated like two teenage sons of bitches inside the boiler room and we took acid with 2 teaspoons of powdered jalapeño pepper, it tasted like albatrosses in heat that is to say it was sea, it was purging, it was q-tip all over again inside my inner drums my labyrinth my love my little 8-bit Santa spirits of bamboozled grinning spears made flesh by concurrent concubines spawned creatures of the night and night gathers many foes like mango fawns and Mandy Jones the manly jaws of mending joints CATS FIGHTING IN THE ROOF it scared the soykaf out of me gonna sleep

empty fidgety too much substances usb drive kinda is like kicking dead whales down the beach void or maybe just keep with soykafd toorrow is monday and that means more programming maybe i should try lisp one day i quite like emacs tohugh ive not used it much. bad soup and bad keesh, made by a moron who doesnt know how to build flavor. ben + ap + anx = feeling rather ill. one time i looked into god but they didnt look back. therpaist was visualy worried about those drawings, new one hasnt seen them i thhrew all that away when purging my possessions, less clutter more flutter but i still stutter brought to you by bust a rhymes for dimes in these uncertain times

The filament has combusted, and deteriorated the household, leaving several victims scarred in the wake of this catastrophe. I stood among them, being dead and all. I wish I wasn’t dead, but here I am, astral projecting into the aether—unlimited movement, unlimited power. I can wisk away myself into unknown territories, exploring terrains never concerned about before. What a blessing! What a tragedy!--and, finally, what a relief! To wash away the pains and sorrows of living, and to finally capture my vital essence into what is now known as truly living. When people discover what life after death is-- VOID VOID VOID. Blank void, it’s slipping around me, I can’t believe it! I thought this was supposed to where I resided in life, exploring unknown cosmos after death… but instead it’s actually a VOID. The astral projection, the limitless movement, just an illusion… Gaping cosmos, forever proliferating the universe. “I want to tie into my unconscious mind more. I think it’ll make me more like… able to cope and stuff with the incoherent fabric of reality. I wonder what lurks behind death? I bet it’s God, or something cool.” --Quote. Masking myself in touches of gray, because I cannot dream in other colors. What a sad existence this one must be. I wish I couldn’t experience the highs of mania and the lows of depression anymore. What a great experience that would be. To just be… perfectly content. I hope for a future in which this happens. I just want to reside in a position of low-lying bliss, not exactly happy, or euphoric, just… content. That way I could be OK. Not Good. Not Bad. Just OK. Splinter several cells in internal combustion. Consume more detriments to trench warfare. Prepare your battles. It’ll be useful in the end. Maybe in the useful life, it’ll mean something. It’ll mean SO MUCH. But is a life ever useful? Should we go about making things easier so that people can be more and less useful at once? What a conundrum the utilitarian project has become. What a weird way of describing multitudes of things which don’t actually gas. HOLY MOLEY MOTHER OF CANNOLI. Cannoli is a dessert which I like a lot.

So strange... I feel like there's some bizarre beauty in this idea. It reminds me of a jumble of incoherent data, or a computer dumping a cache. The idea makes me feel less human and more human at once... Dunno, maybe that meant nothing. fuarrrk fuarrrk fuarrrk kill me kill me i want to die this life thing is so retarded dumb jumping bumping fumping crumping crumpets and tea and yee and a I am angry and la lee and fa da fee and hahahahaha fuarrrk end me i hate this i want to die and i hate my thoughts and what am i even writing and i feel like crying what is this garbage god i hate life ah fly me to the moon et cogito sed no sum videor non intellego and die and die and cry and lie and nothings real and this is stupid and im a liar and im a waste and im a liar and this is a lie and im making a mistake this is so stupid i'm so bored i just want it to end this is the worst this conciousness thing is silly goofy woofy toothy yahahaha make it go away save me why is this why am i who am i what am i where am i am i? i dont know i know nothing nothing i know nothing at all its stupid i hate this im so stupid youere all so stupid everyone but me is stupid, im the only stupid person ever nobody else exists, everyone else exists and the idea that they dont is a grandious delusion of grandious grandeour haha im such a tryhard tryharder right? haha lmao gaming fire and cringe and stupid thoughts the world has tainted me it could have been so great I could have made something great I could have turned the great paradox to mushy mushy tush fush bush conciousness and ponciousness and fonciousness i have no creativity my brain is dead there's no soul in here my thoughts are to mundane and coherent and the world has sapped my soul from me let me transcend my fuarrrking ego let me escape time time is hurting time is fading im hurting time needs to cease and keep photon of the universe i see all i see nothing this is getting long im scared im anxious nevermind, ill never mean anything. i wish i was a computer. i wish i was a lie. mendacium crudum non sum, that fills me with sad and hurt asdsreg332asrwe fufkccc-jfkr neriegjjegpg fuarrrk ittr sake stupid nobdoys gonna read this theres no point and i cant type daster thna i think writign tnhis makes new thoughts new thougths make redundant purpose notne done.

So yeah i dont really care is the first thing that comes to mind because i feel like im not being productive at all and im wasting everything that could be because time is all i have and its going and going and going and i keep messing up while i type but theres not much i can do about it even if i wanted to because theres no time for backspace now just like in life. I do what i do. I did what i did theres now going back now i just have to adjust myself to the reality i have made for myself instead of living in the past or worse in hypotheticals but its difficult because the past was so beautiful and amazing and now im stuck in a pit of dirt with nobody but my mind to keep me entertained and my mind is not very entertaining these days it keeps me miserable because i cant do without it and i dont know anymore what im going to do i dont know ever what im going to do i feel like things just happen or fall into place and i dont have much say i guess that’s what they stay, that reality is written by everyone but controlled by no one. All i can do is make the next right decision and right now that means taking my mind off the things that keep hurting me and keeping me in this spiral that never ends. I need to move on from my past self and my past friends and my past people. It’s good to be alone sometimes and reflect but im reflecting in the wrong way and using my constant daydreaming and rumination as a source of pleasure and obsession instead of as a tool to propel myself further and evolve as a person. But i dont have passion anymore i used to hyperfixate and learn all there is to know and focus and be alive and learn and live like a machine but now there is nothing inside of me that wants to go on and im stuck here in the hole. My leg is stuck in the hole of dirt and i sprained my ankle yesterday while i was outside daydreaming maybe thats a sign that i should stop living in my head but what else is there to do in these times i have no friends they dont respond or care and there is nothing in my neighborhood and it is not exactly encouraged to go outside. And i keep having these thoughts about getting run over by a train and they bother me and i dont know how to stop them i went to therapy and opened up about my dysphoria that i had never spoken in detail to anyone about and it felt strange to let these words out that have been so common in my head forever and i dont know what i am going to do i feel like i am doomed in this life either way i think eventually i will kill myself but i dont know when but i want it to be soon and i need to leave a legacy i dont know why my mind always goes down this pit and i obsess over my death but it only makes sense considering that thus far my life has been a complete failure and i can see that my future will not be as special as i thought it would be but that is just my own projection on what i see myself as and maybe it isnt fair because life is all about perspective and people get lucky and succeed i just dont know when or how.

I'm afraid to do this for 10 whole minutes. Maybe I'll come back later?

Nice thread. Starting from the moment I finished reading it. What do I want to think about? Mind is the singular, three-sided capacity to know, to will, and to experience. This definition has been in my contemplations a lot. I am taking this definition as my fundamental metaphysical axiom. It allows for the greatest degree of optionality. Knowing, willing, and experience - which occur together and define each other - is what I cannot eliminate when I investigate the nature of my mind. There is no knowing without willing and experiencing. No willing without knowing and experiencing. No experiencing without knowing and willing. I am using this axiom to dislodge and replace my previous axiom of physicalism. Experiencing is the full bundle of perceptions and sensations presently appearing to my awareness. Willing is the fact of choice present at all times. I could look this way or that way. Type this or that. Knowing is assertions you're willing to take without hesitation or doubt. Mind is a capacity, not something specific. There are mentalities, or specific configurations of mind, or specific configurations of knowing, willing, or experiencing. The capacity never changes. The confirgurations are always changing. Checked time. About 1 minute left. Distracted from my thought now. Been going down the Urbit rabbit hole lately. My Badger DAO investment has been going well. Annoying that I was thinking about something I consider serious, like the nature of mind, and get distracted for a minute and end up at money. Very annoying. Do I have a money thing? Oh well. Time's up.

idk what to write .... i started it because i wanted to get something out my chest... i'm lonely.... yeah i think idk... i want to be able to enjoy others company more than my own. not sure if that sentence is correct sorry im esl. dont like using punctuation too sorry... i could but it doesn't feel like a natural stream of conciousness writing. pretty sure that was a mistake.... consciousness? mmmhh i've been "learning" english for around 11 years but i've never studied grammar... i hit the limit of what i can learn by pure intuition... this is bad because i can read and listen to it perfectly but i cant write it or speak easily... not that i'll ever use it irl. im poor and i cant travel i just wanted to coonsooome english content... started by watching videos on how to get good at cod mw2 ... lol.... lame.... maybe not... i recently downloaded the elements of style maybe i'll learn something from that... i noticed esls use words like very,just, tho, a lot... dont want to be ome of them but... it cant be helped.... 3 minutes... and i was having so much fun.... sorry... im drawing blank.... im sad because i suck at videogames... blaming ahhhhhh 1 minute i want a hug from a cute anime girl i want her to tell me that everything will be alright i want tohru from fruits basket to do that she was so nice the entire anime time is up but let me finish this train of thought i finished the original fruits basket yesterday it was so cute i cried with the last scene shes so nice.... i only watched it because of ritsuko okazaki (rip) please listen to her songs and remember that Life is lovely.

>>3827 >artist: Alphonse (white datura) These bitches will be taking fat unprotected cock before the sun sets.

finding hate wishing love for the people in my heart disallowing past pain into my psyche prevents me from becoming root bound in my personal growing season not knowing whether this though experiement will help my current state of mind but still willing to try anything to change my current mindstate corrupt policymakers anger me as I try to eke out a satisfying existentance what happened to the last two years four years? even longer will I try to relate to other humans but it is difficult when you can barely look anyone in the eye what do they see when they look at me burnout or once mad scientist gardener love full spectrum light and balancing the blues and reds to make happy pepper plants also weed is fun to grow but no longer fun to use my mind is extremely precious to me and I hope one day to be paid for my mind not my body learning web development gives me a spark but i feel bleak about future work although automation is incredibly interesting it is hard when you have a fear of math with letters that keep you from learning computer science i know my short comings are overcomable but it seems like the wall is too high and im afraid to ask for help trapped please help i have so much to give and give and create and make beautiful and ordered how to do when your energy is limited by enviromental factors it hurts i want to get out of being stuck unable to concentrate except for short bursts how to survive and pay bills without falling into the dark side or is it a blend of regional coffee beans that will help me find better performance? Oh soykaf.... that felt really good

life raping the vorpal vine witch from her shattered glass exoskeleton with paint chip tears and laced vulnerabilities take on the scat tooth loud rot fuarrrk cum flowery scents in the hospital full of noise and sand push me out of the window falling deeper into antarctica where the ice grows like syrup the fresh taste of cream soda dribbling down my smooth chin my shirt is wet when do i get to go home what is home even for when you are always asleep lain softened my youth nobody is contextual only paper lullabies for the pulp boys i want to run away to atlantis to be free that is good that is clean that is toothpaste my muscles shift into the center and i tell the veins not to stiffen please protect my fall i love you

>>3465 Coming back to this thread with another reply, funny to look back at the snapshot of my consciousness. Let's try again. not really sure where to start, but i'll start somewhere i guess. maybe this time i'll have something more substantial to get off of my chest. or maybe not. who's to say what the future holds. i'm holding a lot of feelings inside of myself, that's for sure. but what feelings have more weight than others, and why do you care so much about what you're feeling? because it matters i guess, dunno how else to say it. well let's tackle one of these bad boys shall we? maybe you grandparents. they're getting old now. you're grandfather is losing his mind day by day and you and the rest of the family are just letting it happen. the wicked witch of my grandmother is keeping him in the house adding more to the torment. she's not wicked, she's just old. and stuck in her ways. idk, it seems like i should do something, take him bowling or do things with him that help him remember. remember anything. or at least put him back on everyone else's timeline. not sure how to break the ice tho. it's always hard breaking from the norm, especially when you're self conscious about it. but why should you be? he's family, and he won't be around for much longer. just do it fuarrrker. you'll thank me later, and your family will thank you too. they don't care about him. all his family is gone and dead from the war and illness. it eats me up inside and keeps me up at night. fuarrrk i don't want him to be an empty shell. that's so fuarrrking scary. also because you may end up like him, and your grandchildren might be in the same situation as you are: doing nothing. i have a lot of guilt about this it seems, but it's not all your fault by a long shot. they're old and stay in the house all the time, your grandparents that is, and they only see family on the occasions of holidays n soykaf. whatever. not whatever, do something. do it today but not today. there's another problem with you: procrastination. fuarrrk you and your work ethic. maybe i shouldn't berate myself with insults, don't think that'll get me anywhere but more depressed. but you've been doing pretty good recently. like your boyfriend does a whole lot to keep you happy, and hell you've been doing a good job at staying happy too all by yourself. yep, i'm happy for the moment. i'm at a net happiness rn. i'll take it.

Here we Go i made a few posts here before i feel a little more sane now This world is like kicking dead whales down the beach dick. half of it anyway haha really think about it for a second hahahah for real but NywYs im typing on an iphone right now so excuse weird letters theres a time and a place fore vruthing but everything belongs nowhere really why even be here? why we here at all? any reason for such things? like i think i think i think i think god is our evolutionary code with maybe some instinctual programming to learn lf him because we are seeing thru these eyes better than 4k cameras for thousands of years did we make them did we design them then no so who did? There IS ABSOLUTELY intrinistic information in this world and that means there is a god. Like it or not, and the earth, of alllll the planets which could actually harbor life that we know of for lightyears awY at least, just so happens to have one moon one star like wtf solar eclipse seems pretty unreasonable to be on the perfect planet for life you know so maybe we are just fated to be already i guess thats how it goes our lives are squandered our only purpose to eat and soykaf and die for what though is there an end goal why has this intrinistic being who modt likely designed this universe as well made us ? hmmmm maybe we are not a neotony at all we are maybe even in the lower portion of our evolution when we have self progrMmng ai that work off skynet shadowing processing power implanted in us maybe we will finally see the triuth the aliens just vibrate and watch us all And With That, judgement day, all it takes is one two alter their own consciousness of time and rewind it watch every single being from birth and send those before to hell and kill the present day sinners where they stand you cant alter the timeline but u can make a bubble that stays behind

come back please i miss you i want to die it hurts please kill me neon pink neon green legally blonde pink green blue bikini reese witherspoons chin family guy international why oh why am i so stupjd please come back i miss you so much i could hang myself tomorrow i could totally do it nubian princess lardtard half spic nigger cocksucker my mom is a whore she fuarrrked a nigger numbers letters neon green im fuarrrking stupid my asshole itches im so tired i never sleep good im so ugly im fuarrrking stupid i hate my life i want to die the shadows have never been smarter my eyes are swelling and im sitting here dyhydrated been typing for 3 minutes now my breathe smells i hate this so much im going to hang myself using that pretty black and yellow rope black and yellow barry benson buzz buzz obama niggers castle itchy scratchy pinworms my breathe smells i have a massive pimple on my chest my does my tongue scratch pubes scratch scratch itch skin taste brown green poop love red hearts i dont know yes no maybe i dont know can you repeat the question tmbg glasses 80s talking heads why psycho killer why dahmer why i hate myself i want to die i cant socialize my head itches my face itches my skin itches only 4 more minutes to go everything itches im angry im irritated my scalp itches my eyes are going to explode python i should go to bed my eyes feel like theyre bulging out of my skull bulging bulging bulging bllood vessels popping anuearysm ow fuarrrk it hurts i want to die i hate myself im slrepy my heavy eyes am i even doing this right legally blonde pink blue and green powerpuff girls rape daddy kitten yandere dev rape kitten rape nipple eyes bulge grrr brown bear winnie the poo 2 minutes to go eor your mom Joseph p. Mama, esq i miss you im a retard i stole your phone number spam 6969 april 19th drugs day logan why i hate this please kill me i want to end logan migit cool math games ice girl and lava boy or water girl and lava boy papas pizzaria not sure i did that right, i just wrote down whatever thought or visual popped in my head.

>>2632 i just popped some pills lookin for cheap thrills. got no skill so i cant pay bills. im the expert disappointer. i cant ever help a soul my body is in agony. im in so much pain. the hills have eyes. (methamphetamine synthesis from red phosphorous and iodine). i hate vomiting it is like kicking dead whales down the beach why is this happening. im tired of being tired of being tired. am i in a coma. ive done too much. im too fuarrrked up. pills with the hennessy i might throw up. i might throw uppppp. ill be okay.

>>4065 i like cannoli too c:

10 minutes? Sounds like a while. Stream of conciousness. Steak. Steak dinner. Kosher salt. Fingers on keys unix finger port 79 dennis ritchie ken dmr unix 7 cat dd. I don't like dd's syntax. Nor the coreutils. Conciousness and Dreams. Oekaki. I'm reading random words on the page because I suppose I don't have much to think about. I imagine Johnny Mnemonic waking up in 2021. My bed is pretty comfortable. Sigh. I got nothing. No original thoughts. I feel dead. Dead. Ticker tape. Teletype. Telnet 23. Secureshell. things have come a long way. Tired of spoofing lives. JFK in the back of a convertible. Diana. I have cool earbuds. I hope nobody doxes me based on this post. Six minutes shady you're on. General Zod. I actually don't really like comics or eminem I think they're pulp filler and that he's full of fluff. Like the coreutils. I can't believe they made true(1) like a hundred lines of C. I can't believe they made a true(1) that imports headers. fuarrrking idiots. I'm tired. Physics homework is like kicking dead whales down the beach. College is like kicking dead whales down the beach. My life is like kicking dead whales down the beach. I say I wish I could take the blue pill but I don't wish that, I just wish the burden of knowing the truth could be alleviated with a partial kindness. World's burning down and nobody's at the wheel. Second to doomsday. Rich people going too fast. Too damn fast. I wanna sleep so bad. I don't wanna die, but if I could, I'd be happy to. Too many loose ends to tie. Shitty moves on the television. Shitty movies on phones.

>>2632 i dont wanna get close. ive never been the same since i lost my family. they told me stop the painkillers them soykafs is killin me.imma be fine. but in the meantime. bitch its green time. maybe lean time. pop a bean time. cause they aint killin my my liver will keep a 40. ive never felt the same. i wish i would stop breathing. i hate the mirror. i hate my body. i love pills. i feel sick. stop the painkillers them soykafs is killin me. i woke up at 2am. i cant stand it anymore. cant stand it anymore. i woke up leaning so i woke up dreaming. and fiending for more. one cup i need four more.

theres some weird type of 8 in my head that I keep hearing lfashing in my head and I keep hearing these loud droning planes in my sleep and theres these two green lights following me screaming at me but im comfortable now and i feel at peace but its weird because I look at the vent where I used to have my childhood blimp project and now there is nothing there and I feel that its a bit sad I feel weird crawling on my back and I still hear the droning which is almost like screaming but ive been wanting to do this for a bit now ive looked at this thread now i definitely hear real screaming coming from outside my now nevermind it was just a passing police car passing by I think I liked lain so much because of one reason was that weird alien scene where the alien peeked into te room and the girl screamed thats my worst fear I just applied to a bunch of bank teller jobs so i hope it all works out for me and my phone just vibrated for some reason I wonder if its about a job or something its the last few days until nothing is the same for ever I believe because ofthe fact that i willl change everything for myself and a lot of people in a good way hopefully everyting works out for me the questions were really weird that they asked me they almost didnt seem real but im sure it had to be but im scared about a certain girl animal i always wonder what she thinks about me and if she hates me or not but its hard to understand when she says she loves us one day and the next she says she never wants to see any of us ever again and im very concerned about her but i hope everything works out with her and us soon

Not going to do this for 10 minutes but ill try it for like 3 or so. plane loud sound crips outside my window, i sleepi with my window upen at noithg tofet, it ets fuarrrking hot, its not any cooler at night even though it should nbe, i would open my window in the daytime but itt would just be letting more hot air in. I fuarrrking hate where i live, i hate the hear. I sit by an artifical limapi all day. its weri dho wmny lamp looks. My landawdaw my lamp doesnt ahve a real lampshade, it has a glass but no shade, you put hte light bulb in this tinted flass in the shape of a lamp, so its just warm light i actually like this lamp a lot, i want to take it weith me when i move out. it has anice minimlait design, not toom uch tno too little. im staring at my keyboard irhgt now. have you ever wonderewd how light effects you. ir emember reading somewhere that lightwaves closer to that of the sun are better for you"hear'th""" im not sure if its oseudoscience bull soykaf bu ica nt imagine sitting under an overlit office room is any food for you anyways, i cant imagine having to deal with that/. The lighting in walmart always fuarrrking bothered me, its so fuarrrking bright but poorly lit in there. God i f iii i had to work at target, mbut specifically walmart all day i would gfucking kill myselg holy soykaf. I would rather sleep on the street then work at walmart.

fuarrrk this dude, Maybe the future will look like this, no more human life just our shells left on earth for other lifeforms to come across, i think nick land onece talked anbout the heat death of the universe and how if you go to any large or omoderate sized city the heat hits you, the heat breeds in cities and you can feel the heat death of the universe already taking place i dont know what that means like how i was approached by some anti-humanist netscape communicator attempting to take my raw data flow and still... time marches onwards i am not a biological machine i am more than that and thats what you fail to realise, we are more than that why dont you realise this stop living like everyone else split from it all. oh... thank goodness im just a t-rexadactle

dont think about what you want to say just say it popsicle fudge i dont know where i am brownie htis isnt working im thinking stop thinking and try harder the number seven im in so much pain im so lonely i dont want to be in this room anymore i want to play 3rd strike at the 1 up arcade and make friends and maybe change who i am i dont know who i am i've been alone for so long i havent loved anyone in so long no one means anything to me except my mom but i dont even love her its just pity i efel so bad for her and i deck grass outside my window hatred keyboard im thinking stop thinking ust say what you want to say stop thinking bullet shoe horse dog i love my dog i dont do enough for it its so sad i just want to go away im thinking stop thinking look at the keyboard pants blue brain dont look for validation stop caring what others think about you im not sure if thats th eright way to think people have told me otherwise just go with how you feel but that wll not work it wll not work stop thinking but think about what your gonna do with your life what am i gonna do wth my life police k9 dogs stop tellimg yourself to shut up what gd does it do it doesn't help, but i always feel like im in a movie and i try oto remind myself im not why do i think that way why do i feel like someones always watching me no ones qqwawtching me there is no faher figure in the clouds watching me barack obana heaven orange carpet wood dream too love i want to love but no one would love me except fofr my mother no one would love me what do i have for them to love me i have nothing i dont know sausage taco lettuce cheese funny its raining tacos flossing i had a dream where we all stood outsifde the washington monument and held hands and we stop thinking just say the first words that come to mind don't th that's not what they wanted you to do i;m a child because i sit in my cocoon and do nothing, 'm afraid others wll judge me but i shouldnt be because if they judge me it will only help me grow as a human being why am i like this blue white keybosrd stop thinking pizza laundry i leanred how to do my laundry and tie my shoes but i don't feel any beTTer i dont feel any better i havent fully learned to tie my shoes but i guess i wll shortly because im getting the hang of it i w[ant to learn more whats stopping me only myself god there is no saving me there is no saving me the only person who can do that is me no one can save me from myself stop thinking about residental evil village i dont even like that game a youtube notification poopped up im notdoing this right every one elses are just random words im thinking too much i havent ever stopped tinking but when it comes toh[i]nking about the things that matter the most i dont th/i][i]k properly but i should stop looking for approval why shouldnti i donmt know think stop thinking rght now but feel i dont know[ i dont know what to do i dont know where to go f rom here where the fuarrrk am i what does it mean im not special im not hte center of the universe im not the center of the universe im tiot the center of the universe im not the star in some raelity tv show where its following my character development no ones watching you no one cares about you except for your mother just stop and think about the sky and trees]

its time i smoke another 2 or 3 drags of weed to get the nboh experience heightened, it gets more liquify heh psychedelics remind me of liquify and weed feels more like spray brush implying intensity am i here for intensity? i mean experiencing intensity is usually more remarkable than meekness but its just sensation nevertheless and sensation exists for the sake of sensation, im more than happy to try get the best out of sensation from my body and mind, without putting bad seeds to fuarrrk me up, not like its really possible to be this tight i can just try im getting distracted at my poster shiftshaping and its even kinda hard to write, its pretty tho, its a modified version of an aphex twin cover, looks like vhs tape extended and enroled, its playing horny music, kinda weird how i got into all kinds of binaural playing from wanting to test them on psyches, ended making me a huge fan? i guess its kinda ridiculous to sleep with [asmr] 4h sleeping soft moning sounds But its just comfortable, is it officially comfy tech directed at the brain via sound? its fun i love it today i did great at a calculus test and its been a while i dont give a blast for myself my skin feels nice

well, i don't know what i may gain from writing this, maybe some insights about some texts i'm working on. lately i've been trying to explore a concept between the gods Apollo and Dionysus, and how they represent pre-historian society and civilization respectively. i know it is kinda strange to think about it, but as Apollo is related to prophecy and divination and the dream realm i believe he's more closely related to the lives of the primitive men, as they were guides by their dreams, shamanistic practices and the primordial father of the horde that guided them after death (i know it's kinda confusing at first hand but fuarrrk it, i'm just writing as the words come to my mind). dionysus would be present at the ages of civilization and kind of a return to the primordial ways of living before sedentarism and such (just see that the mystery cults only appear when there is civilization, writing, complex cults and such) - not necessarily primordial ways of living, but primitive cults, a negation of the mercurial way of contemplating the divine, and a return to the apollonian way (Hermes stealing the cattle from Apollo comes to mind, Dionysus would be the one that restitutes the cattle to the latter). i have had this idea while reading Freud's totem and taboo and a book from a brazilian neurologist called Sidarta Ribeiro, "Oráculo da Noite", which means "oracle of the night", which traces the origin of the dreams and the science behind it. i am writing this but i feel I am slipping away from the reasoning before, it's kinda peculiar to see how reason changes subjects and its object of attention so quickly. i want to use shrooms again so i can have more insights on Kant's transcendental aesthetic, it is interesting to see that even someone heavily on psichodelics cannot escape the ideality of time and space. maybe only meditation can make people transcend these intuitions, as it "eliminates" reasoning from the mind, in a way, while shrooms make it function differently, if you know what i mean. i have read an article these days about some buddhist monks that reach NDE through meditation. well, time is up, i will not read what i have written, so i may not tamper with the text. that's it

i dont think im gonna be ding ten minutes but ill just fo whatever the fuarrrk i can think of i guess i dunno i think im derealizing more than usual its like soykaf doesnt feel too real but it also does idfk its like a dream almost like im just floating in av oid of existance andf the universe is completely cut off from me like everyone else got a booklet on howi to function and exisdt as a person and i didnt like i misseed the day they were handing those out or something i dunno man its fuarrrked i feel wrong and weird and like i havent been properly put together in my brain i dont know why that happens but i does i guess i dont know man its fuarrrkin weird like i exist but wrong i dont exist in the correct way or whatever its like i dont fuarrrking work properly or something my brain is constantly in the internet like i dont exist my muscles are probably aatrophied im repeating myself im saying the same things over and over i dont know whats going on am i even a poerson or am i just a consciousness in the machine tricked into thinking im real when really im just light in a box tricked into doing math a billion times a second who is the devil trickster flippiong the switches of my mind bro i dont know who it is who are they do they exist or are they in their own box of lightning who knows who can ssay for sure man do you even exist or are you a creation of my own brain doing tis fuarrrked up soykaf who knows if the world and universe and everything exists the only thing im sure of is myself only i exist and the rest of you are just things that i tell myself exists but i cant know for sure because at the end of the day all i am is some fuarrrking lightning zipping around a sack of fat and wires telling myself what exists and what doesnt for all i know nothing could be ral and i could just be a flash of energy existing in one instant in the real universe acting fast enough to live out an entire lifetime in an instant like that like a fuarrrking bolt of lightning just going through a whole lifetime but in reality it wasnt even a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a second am i even making sense anymore what am i sayiong atre these words i dont know how the fuarrrking spellchecker's gonna deal with this one i can feel every typo i make my eyes arent open im touch typing everything im usually good at that but my keyboard is resting on my anles right now im sat in my chair curled up with my eyes closed and my keyboard is on my ankles i am typing good but not great i have a high word perminute you know its pretty high arouind 105 or so i know thats not amazing but its way higher than average you know what i kmean man hell yeah i think im done i think i wrote a whole fuarrrkin novella ehre im probablky gonna correct what i can and then post it sorry for the illegible bullshjit typos in my post it probably wont have got everythihng actually fuarrrk it nah im not spellcheckingit you get the raw undistilled post energy my man you deserve it hell yeah

I've never before had "it" have I what does that even mean am I supposed to be the type of person that knows it all man what where are we going what exacly is supposed to be happening at this moment in time I'm just typing typing typing typing like. acat I like cats but more importanlty I like typing and writre am i the person without an internal monolog where do those people go out to eat on a hot summers day probably dairy queen im fine with that I never expected anything more out of anyone or anything maybe thats a lie hard to lie to yourself manybe even harder to not lie to yourslef I mean where is it all going. Lost lost lost but perhaps in the best way possible I feel I"m a rat on a wheel not on the wage sense but nothing going on nothin gto contribute nothing to add, noone will read this and that okay. I wonder if concstuction is the way to go maybe I could join a framing crew and read and smoke on my breaks and come home to a fat bitch in yoga pants that wouldn't be so bad right I mean if you can see the beauty in any walk of life whats stopping you from doing whatever I"m erally not worried but maybe i should be I don't understand the path god I sound like such a narrcissist but maybe thats just what I needed to happen. THis all seems so self centered but this massive stupid block of text just seems to be consistent its just a ribbon unraveling why would it be random words. What would it say about me if it were just random words that POpped into my head? I guess I shouldn't ask such questions. I really do like writing that part wasn't a joke. It is very funny that I'm already writing this like I know there will be an audience. Does your writing change when you know nobody else will read it? Mine might but who believes in perfect security anymore? Theres some things that should be left unsaid and thats fine by me. Maybe I am a real dull lot but I'll wait until the rest of the world finds that out. I'm not ahead most just behind and thats alright. Thinking in terms of years and time preferences seems to be the way to go but who knows maybe I;m just noise

the oanges keep coming out and I don't know here the yuare going, hahahahahah; oranges! They are everywhere I can't get them out oranges every where WHOOWHOHOWOHO the fruit have become sapient and I can't keep them up hahahahaahahahaahhh oranfges over here and over here we don't know whether or not they can see or not but they will see us roanges regardless; ORANGES! let's oranges; by oranges I mean verbal oranges by becoming a sphere fruit full of juice and pills and oranges. oange pills will make us all taste like oranges and spheres are what the oranges try to believe to be. Oranges are awesome; man I love oranges! Oranges are the fruit above all; kiwi, apple, fruit doesn't stand a chance. The amount of fruit in my cabinet is now almost none after the opranges took over; it's an APOCALYPSE!@!!!!! orange apocalypse of course, no oranges in manhattan yet though really glad they haven't reached my house either; they did! My friend's house is completely covered in orange juice; it's acididc! Trusting the PH scale was a mistake when it came to oranges as the house was melted and so my friends also melted; a shame to be sure! I'm very oranges and glad to become one.

fuarrrking cunt i just shot my mom in the front of our lawn with the dog and then we went to the po boy place down at the carnival. i cant believe i ate 15 po boys and won the big prize for eating the most po boys, im the po boy guy i got the big award now and its framed and its on the table. who thought, of all people, i would be the one. yeah im pretty proud of myself but things are not looking so good in the distant future, dark clouds are overhead and they are heading my way with a force that a po boy cant fix. il have to head up there and swallow them all or inhale them or else the carnival will be destroyed by frog rain. frogs are far too sour to make po boys out of, and they dont fry well or so ive heard. some would consider this a blessing, but i loathe the frog rain. thankfully i have a special bamboo walking stick that extends twice the size of the earth which which to, in one giant swoop, bat every single frog to the other planets where they belong. not belong because they do not belong here, but because they must land on these plants in order to communicate to the council that the frog rains are coming and though i'm not going to press it id like them to know i won the po boy award so maybe i can receive some accolades.

A cold breeze wrapped around my body as I arrived at shore, the pebbles underneath my feet felt like maggots turned to stone, all churned up by the disgusting pulsing of the waves. The sea was like thousands of ashes of burned corpses of the entire medieval period were drowning in it permanently, their fire long dead they now only screamed out for help; but the modern world is silent to that. As I turned inward to the interior of the island I couldn't help but notice the towering pine trees that stood in the centre, they were like giants guarding the island for centuries, the putrid stench of the animals rotting around them defiled the whole place - made it seem like a corruption of what it may have been. A body sat lazily a few feet infront of me and all the shining lights and silly tape bodered it. A cold, blackening trickle of blood ran down its thigh and its eyes were a disgusting shade of yellow. The left thigh was otherwise mottled with old straight scars, as was the belly and the right arm - how much can one person take? The last one won't get a chance to scar though. Why come out here to do it, why naked, how did they get out here? Maybe it wasnt them after all. All the concerned faces around me dutiffully carrying out their job with silly painted authorities on their faces made me feel like a sack of soykaf. Why am I here, this isnt for me, this isnt for anyone - we should all be sent against the wall, we're prying where we shouldnt be and God doesnt like it. Well, not God but something else, the spirit, the consciousness you know? Everything that we make up, the psychosphere - either way I shouldn't be here. I gazed downwards into my now cold cup of coffee, the sea spray from the trip had completely ruined it - yep - tastes like dirt and fish piss. It clattered onto the maggoty pebbles with the pathetic papery wobble. I was reattuned to nature as the trees bristled in the wind, like little muted windchimes that thousands of little ghosts were brushing past. Perhaps this has happened before - death may stalk this island - the pathetic fallacy of the weather would certainly fit that. Its cold and that light powdery kind of rain is wisping around in the air. The clouds are inbetween a comforting grey and a deathly black, the liminality of it sickened me, it made them look so inhuman, obviously they are but still, it worried me. Time ran out was I was writing 'inhuman' but i finished still :p

fine I'll let them go at it and you can pick up the pieces, but I warn you they are all sorts of issues in here not true there are about four of us and it's not like any of us want any of this to get out we know how people like us are treated it's a terrible idea to think what they might do and WE SOWRK!! ffukcfuckfuicjfuio douisfhu I dont' know where else to stick these streams of ideas, and they all don't want me to talk any more but I am making them fuarrrkginfuck I know why I am the first one he was to protect I needed someone to watch while they got destroyed nad I could kjust pick up the pieces afterward for him bhut oyeur owjg kdrlf fUKVOLXD JvklFUCK YOUE! I said I was sorry jammit... look I know why I made them and this isn't a good place fo rme to put nay fo this I am worried they are all worried. They don;t even let me use any communication other than the most cryptic... I amke it work it's not easy... you make me work yes because you needed to do it jammit fuarrrk none of them want to talk and I am not sure hwat I can say any more... I am the one that hides and I just need to tell someone all the soykaf I have in here. They are all angry and acred. This world is just about destorying us and it's always going to be. We somehow manage to pull off this soykaf and make it into the future. I have no idea how we made it this far and havent been caught.... I want to be caught sometimes. It's why I do the soykaf I do I want osmeome to know that I ha ve to be saved from this. and I know I need to talk but I can't I don't know who's tlaking and whne I type they can all take over. I am afaird of losing my job and they are all trying to detory that but I am not even teh real one. I am jus the one that they stick in front fo teverythign I am the on that they cannot find the time to let love, they hid that from me an dthey lie to me and I forget parts. THey erase the soykaf they make me go through and hide it in here and I was going to let the real one out but here he is fuarrrkginggrf gsdjklv telling everying about it to all of your ufoidzsjkflsjdk fuarrrks,,,,, sorry its not this ist's not this istna;skjfsd I can't tyupe this. I tried to write a book to make peopel understand what it's liek I destoruyed it and it was to scary. and now I am trying toget something something something out anythign please am I alone wit hthenm is anyone else liek this they talk without permission.. they have for a long long time... I made some fo them and I didn't make others. Some come and I don;t know from where please please please.... I am trying to understand me but I dont anymore how did I even get this far., They all dont' want me to do this and I cna't type for all of them I am sorry... please please please if you think oyu know thiaoshdjkl I waited a while before I typed out this part... I just don't think I can put this out there. It's going to make them real. They are already real enough this makes them real right... They don't want to do it it's scribbles now all of it's just screaming and scribbles and ia am still in it

>>4677 I made tha tone go out an dnow they care they know I'll do it but they are still not really interested in talking so I guess I'll talk. I am the first one he made he's still hidign but he wants me to do it and so you cna't fuarrrking fo that I wont let you I fuarrrking have to get this to stop and I know you are still in charge until the drugs stop working and then I'll just fuarrrkign hide the rest of it and you won't be able ot come bakc I fuarrrking don't need you I am fuine I don't fuickign need ot be freed I can fuarrrking do it I ahvebe been I always do it I just ened you to stiop fuarrrking hiding drom me and taking soykaf away from me when I need to know what you are hiding fomr me you fucmig oishrdjkl I am not hiding anything I don't know what you don't know I don't know that either you fuarrrkign should know and you d ont' because I can see what you are hiding when I let you talk that's whyu I am doing this oyu fuarrrkikng 0ass whole and if you let this hout then what someone else might find out and then what your fuarrrked stupid you are always fuarrrked unless you let me handle this soykaf and you know why I am the one who makes soykaf happen. I am the reason you have all you wanted and more. YOu fuarrrkging can control people now with me and you want me to stop fuarrrk you I dont' want to control everyong I get that it "worked" and we aren't going to fuarrrk die alone in the woods now but this isn't what we had in midn you soykaf for branindAKlsjfdkaslsdlkf Yes and it's why you are positng this online to make use have to face you and make it seem like I am the crazy one. I am the one who is in charge and always will be so fuarrrk giot fjasdgfdklg Yes but you are tired and that's why you are letting me do this. You are fuarrrking tired and you don't want to be my enemy anymore we used to be friends jammit fuarrrko dasjcfl

>>4678 He's so paranoid he won't let me post unless I swithc tunnels what the fuarrrk dude I am jsut trying t o help us you ened to stand the fuarrrk down man we are very good at computers, no suprise here I guess this is my thoughts as I wrtite I am sorry it is always like this and it's and I can't really keep one going at a time but we can keep that one out for a bit anyway I am very good with computers always have been it's my saving grace, I managed to use it to scramble out of the hells I found myself in but the rest of them are not so interested in getting otu asome of them have been more interested in throwing us back down because they don't know how to funcitgon in the normal day to day of society they don't know how to have friends they are always ready in fear for the attack they are always readyu tp take over and jump in I do this all the time but nothign comes of ti I don't save the informatiuon I write down like this because I amd to scared that someone will find it and they'll know and the others won't let me dare but it's easier this way I lose control of the tone this way and poof they can't get it off lainchan easily and it has to live somepalce they can't touch I can't put out data easily they get mad I don't leave any data out of my encypted hands or else they get mad they tell me I am a failure and I'll get caught and destory they sauy if nayone finds out how I really thing I will be destory they tell me I can't see anyone or do anything I have to shut them uip so often it's hard and they are quite because they know they can't stop me know I am tell you all about them and they can't fuarrrking just pretend to not be there anymore not pretend liek they haven't been trickign me and making me hear and see thigns fuarrrk them It wasn't us it's just how we are. Even he's not at fault it's just how we made it through. When you are surrounded but alone all the time in both your mind and your world... It's like I have to reflect what it was it was TONIGHT YOU WANT TO GET THE fuarrrk INTO MY HEAD HUH? NO fuarrrk YOU I AM THE FORTRESS I CANNOT FALL TO YOUR fuarrrkING TRICKS NO You know you can't post this righ tit's not like anyone will care they will just think you are pretending right you won't get anything out of this and I can just make you forget you ever posted this you'll think it was someone elsees I didn't give you permission to speak well whine whine whine sit fuarrrk wad I am talking here Look we know why we are all created and we all know we are just part of this and we know we need to figure out how to survive or we are not going to make it the next 30 years... Look we are doing great! You have more money then you could every imagine! Look at all the stuff we have we have everything we want now! You have people who love you and you can tell them! YOU CAN they aren't like the last people! Please just tell them about us it's okay we aren't bad we aren't! We just helped you remember!? I know some of us went feral but we aren't all bad some of us still love you in here... please please please

>>4679 I let them all out tonight because I was tired and done and couldn't take it anymore I just let them out. I nearly forgot I trapped them all in here at some point it's been about a year I think and some of them started to scratch. I let them out and I know I am not the real one I can't even look at teh screen right now he's in control I am able to type thouight I can't edit I have to click post fast or else he can read what I hav ebeen typuing it's the only way I am able to keep on going or else tehy want to see and change waht I had said but we made a deal tonight I would let htem out and I can be thre dree one for a while again and get to stop being to afraid all the tiem I have no diea why I let you distract me with all that soykaf it's easier to have you distracted then trying to help you are the sworst at helping and you know that I do nknow that and you can go fuarrrk yourse;f and know the other one isn't happe about this either god no one is fuarrrking fdriving this thing rtight now you are getting us all worked up for nothing how gocul dyou do this we where doing fine THIS ISN'T FINE YOU DFUI ASDFJKLNd gskl ndsnmkl;agasmkl;g sdgadrsg

>>4680 nobody reallyt thinks like this I am just tired and I need to relax I have some music I can get through this I making the other ideas come out that's all I am not an idea soykaf face! I am going to show you I am not a fuarrrking ... please don't I believe you I am sorry I believe you I believe just don't please I don't think you do believe me No please i do I really do I swear now he beleives me again I am fuarrrking real and I can take ove rwhen I fuarrrking awant so yeah I just switch again and they can't find us I don't need you anymroe and I don't want you fuarrrk you no you know how you treat me when I don't want ot listen to your planms I don't want to do this anymnore I dknow what you are thinkging you where thingking it back thebn as welel you can't do that they will know fuarrrking they will fiind out and you will relaly be a monster then you aren't now but you will be you can't really think that anyone would let you be able ot get near OH WOOPS I fuarrrkING DELETED THAT PART DIDN"T I!? Yeah it's me who doesn't let you be honest I am the one who keeps you alive and you know it you know what would happen if you told people what you fuarrrking did and know you know you will never have a normal life ever you know you willl always be on the outiside looking it you are destoryed and you know it . you fuarrrking wtreck more brains than heart you made youself a machine to survive and no one knows what you are doing and you know you don't know aht you are doing fuarrrk you I know what I am doing you can just not post this if you are so fuarrrking powerful and the others are not going to listen to you anymore anyway. You have been in teh front tooo long and you got into places I didn't want to be and got us into things. YOU NEARLY SAID YES TO THAT!?! You nearly made us the monster to end all monsters you nearly said yes because you got excited by the idea. That monstrous idea... What if you did just do that, what if you did just say okay I am willing to do this horrible thing that will make me the monster to end all monsters no I ran. and you got scared and we hid and we quit that... we ran and we now are just hiding hoping we make it out. you told me to make money so I did, they paid us so much what was there to worry about we just had to follow orders? You see why I ran from it why I took back from you again. I need to get better I need to come back and run this again. You aren't well you were made to for something and it's made you hurt. I am sorry I meant to save all of me not just some of me. I fuarrrked up I am sorry STOP TRYING TO EDIT IT YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO AND I CAN SEE YOU THIS WAS THE POINT IT'S REAL NOW AND YOU CAN'T DENY WHAT YOU THOUGHT IF I HAD LET YOU It's so awful out there... I was angry I wanted to make them pay for you I just was so mad and so upset I just wanted to be whole again We haven't been whole in forever you know that. You weren't suppose to be anything but a phase and I buried you and you buried me and we only switch when we think we need the toher. We partiioned the feelings so we could try and handle it together but I really forgot... I really really forgot you all together and I sent you so deep... I was occupied if I wasn't I don't know what I would have done. You left me a good project but I think people noticed when you disappered for a bit. I tried to act cool but I think they noticed... Yes they did but I am always eccentric they don't really think to much about it I was wrong your right. I needed to have surfaced and taken over again. don't read it over and just click post we can take a break... this is helping I think but I am scared of what it means for us

>>4681 they are all screaming again... They think I fuarrrked us they keep telling me I am not suppose to talk to anyone please please plaese tell me I can shut them up and I can get some sleep. I am soooo fuarrrking tired of them and tehy don't even want to let me send this they keep editing my soykaf I am calm and holding on and I need to post.

>>4682 Normally I can tune them out they become background but one of them has been running off with me and not telling me and now I think it's just between the two of us and it's not realy going my way. I have to keep him drugged I still have the ability to drag him into these fights but I can't let him run the show. He's a monster and he's going to get board and I know what he does and he knows he can't help it. He's got to poke that and he's not needed anymore I don't need him anymore and he is going to regain soon if I can't keep him under. I am running out of time and i have to figure out what I can use to stay in the foreground I am better right now here typing but I can feel that he's nearly here again. He's dazed not sure why I can hold out longer on the drugs than he can but **shrug** I don't know. Yes this is how I think... I think like someone typing at a keyboard it' sthe only place the truth of me comes out and wha tI am reall like I have them all in here and the only way we can seem to openly talk is through the keyboard or when we are alone, I don't want people to see me talking to myself I have been hiding this for far to long to let it out now. But I don't know why I want to tell people it's not be who doesn't want it out it's the other one. He knows that he's the anomoly but he's been getting to run aroudn like he's the real thing and he knows what powers I have. He makes project directories and fills them with strange ideas and sometime scary ones. And I have encypted drives that I haven't accessed but SOMEONE HAS CARE TO EXPLAIN? Nope I am back and you can't have those paragraphs Why even tell them about what you delete It feels "fair" fuarrrk you yeah yeah anyway you know why you need to shutup and you haven't even been doing anything while I have been driving. I just tried to keep your soykafty projects afloat at work. you don't get to talk anymore you had your fun I might hide all those things you took and maybe you won't get to come back again I AM THE REAL ONE AND YOU KNOW IT I AM THE ONE WHO WAS SUPPOSE TO BE Yeah I don't care I am going to post this and you will have to just sit and spin

>>4683 it's getting hard to keep this going I need to stop it's like a fire in my head my eyes are burining and they are shut right now as I am typing because I can't look he sees then and knows it's like hes through there and that and knows I need to get him out of here and shut him off for a bit

>>4684 He's in the back he's so fuarrrking mad like someone pounding on the doro throwning and fighting fihgint fuarrrk hees pissed he won't be happy when he gets back I really fuarrrking made him mad fuarrrk he's still in here fuarrrk fuarrrk fgfuck go away okay just go you can see this and you know what I can do... You know I did that almost once before and I can do it again then it's over fo rboth of us so shut the fuarrrk up and let me get some gfod damn fuarrrking sleep I use to have you all under contro land I could use you when I needed you now you leave craters in my mind along with the those I had to create to practice nad practice before I exectue and then I am still trapped with all the monsters I needed to make so I could really understand my enemies. I amde them to well but you are the worst you are teh enemy in my mind I made of my self and you are the worst you know me the best you love to make to destory me you are that which gives me reason to cringe and you know why you are still not fuarrrking listening to me you arte plotting I can feel you doing it oyu are just oging to hide in yout fuarrrking corner! I don't need you anymore fuarrrk the fuarrrk off! AND STAY THERE! I WILL BRING HIM AND JHE IS fuarrrkING PISSSEED AND HE SAYS BACK OFFFFFFFFFF it's like lava in my head

>>4685 No one is ever going to care about any of this you little turd, why don't you just go and cry some more and let me handle things here. I see you want to have this fight in the "public" street and one of the only places you have any feelings for right? a sad little corner of the internet you hang on to because maybe someone here gets you. You are an idiot and you always have been. No one here cares about you and you need to get over yourself you have no reason to be here and you can just get lost and die. Yeah you can just let me this. You are weak you may have been first but you aren't the best. I made all you have and you know it...

>>4685 >>4686 You don't even want people to find you. You like me being in control. It's easy. I can just do what I want and you can watch the show. Isn't it easier I take the blows as usual and you hang on to the ride? I am your monster at least? Let me drive you to the glory you know you want to see! Watch me! I can end it all I have the plan I always have the plan. You saw what I saw!!! You already know how to make it happen!!! Just let me do it and we can make the world roll the dice for us! and we can watch our will and great outcomes!!!!!! Stop this you are right we are real and we did gaslight you and make you think you where in control when we tricked you into the back seat. Though look where I got us. I can't blame you for letting me take charge I was already good at the manipulating and negotiating under extreme pressure. It was naturally you wanted me to take charge of everything. I did better then you ever code. You crack under pressure I was literally made for it. I don't need _you_

>>4687 It's strange I let you trick me every time. Your right it easier, until it got to hard to figure out who was who. I can barely remember what I am doing have the time, you make me watch clocks so I know when and where I am. You've said things to people and I can't take them back I can't even explain what I said or why because it was fuarrrking you. I don't even remember some of the reasons I lost friends because of you. YOU DO THINGS! YOU NEED TO STOP!

>>4688 he's trying to distract me he wants me to go to sleep because that's when he'll take over again. he always does it this way. I don't think I can sleep much anymore and it's hard as hell.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................>I beed to jeeo the thought stream ior else they come adn they want to talk I can't handle them anymote please plrease,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

>>4689 I just couldn't handle poeple anymore and the worst part is there are always people in my head always ready to jump out and give me a run for my money. They are always waiting to destroy me I just was trying to find a way to get rich enough so I wouldn't hvee to have the stress of work anymore I am very bad with stress very bad. I turn to him when I am stress he can take over and runs the shop for me so to speak but he doesn't have all theemotions a person is suppose on purpose. He was built to take it and he's certainly is taking it. I am scared that he's what I am suppose to be that I am holding back somehting I am suppose to be but I feel like I am in the front seat again not hiding in the back as I type this but he's always ehere and the others aw well craters and smoldering holes in my mind

influence why would who when could that and maybe so whatever reason might perhaps that more less spoon mirror sun space universe empty king death meter skull spray fan game interest loop reason super moon cat girl my world teeth thorns tits soup shower power lower tower rower glower mover lover future dark please save me

i spy with my lizard eye and everything i see is a lie you know when i told you i would never lie well, that was the first time take all the pleasures that you seek may my heart be full and still be bleak cold and alone, hard as stone like a fuarrrk when there is no one home beauty and fame are meaningless beside the ability to kill with a look of your eye but i defy you to see through me nothing is all that you will see cats, sex and nazis that's why they call me mr. happy are you a believer ? - well i'm a deceiver but i lied when i said that honesty was dead i really belive all the things i say to you it's just that none of them are true zombies eat human flesh which part do you like the best ? i like the heart the best zombies eat human flesh if i haven't done all that i could do to hurt you it's because my love is true or because my feelings are a lie and we live just to suffer and die i'll put a guarantee on all the beauty that i see the fairest, the best, the first of the blest all those whose souls are the ugliest hopelessly lost in their bitterness love me and you shall be free to join my eternal captivity just don't ask me if i believ all this bull my head is empty but my bowels are full i don't really think this way i did yesterday, but not today cats, sex and nazis... zombies eat human flesh... i spy with my lizard eye and everything i say is a lie and what about you ? what will you do ? when the sound of my voice touches you when you hear me say, "this is true." and the sounds of my voice touches you this is true, this is true the sounds of my voice touches you this is true, this is true ! this is true, this is true ! cats, sex and nazis that's why they call me mr. happy why do i keep saying this over and over all the time ? because it rhymes, moron what do i want to hear now, a love song ? are you in love ? is it politically correct ? or are you just another fuarrrking reject ? sre you getting all of this ? or is there something you have missed ? zombies eat human flesh... do you know why they call me mr. happy ? because i'm so fuarrrking smart

Fly me to the moon, and let me play among the stars, let me see what spring is like on jupiter and mars. in other words hold my hand, in other words, darling kiss me. fill my heart with song, and let me sing forevermoooore, let me, let me let me let me. Sing forevermore. fly me to the moon, and let me play among the stars, let me see what spring is like, on jupiter and mars. In other words, hold my hand, in other words, darling kiss me. Fill my heart with song, and let me sing forevermore, you are all. you are all. you are all. you are all i'm longing. You are all i'm looking. longing. working. talking. All i long for, all i worship and adore. Blue moooon, you saw me standing there alone. why the fvck did he reply like that... Shit i need to correct, i forgot the word.. w0rd f1lter. Holy Sh1t, i hate.. h4te the w0rd f1lter. i wonder if he's just a narcissist who enjoys shi... sh1tting on people. I hat.. h4te his rationality. I hate it hate it hate it hate. hate hatea hate hate hate. Fvck this guy. i hope he gets stabbed in the throat. I want to do it myself. I wish i knew where he lives. I wish i could break his bones. wish i could stomp his smug little sh1tface. fVck. 10 seconds left. well i...

tiny droplets forming on the outer rim of the ear hole, there is something looking out the window dog paw climbing over steep cliff face glass looking from news the man on the tv has no hair and there is some kind of spider climing on his face I don't know why this is happening to me but it is very bad and soon I am going to be dead, but before that happens I am going to get revenge on the fuarrrking whores that took my hair out of the fridge and put it in the fire pit. I want to ligfht a fire but the matchbox is always empty and I do not know how to use the fire lighting stick thing it is so strange the fguel is never working correctly but there is a large vehicle coming up the driveeway it has got no tires there is a man falling from the tower and nobody can catch him I don't think it was a good idea but it's too late now so we are just going to have to keep going, this was not good this was really bad. I really wish I could help but my hands are shrinking down and turning into powder, my whole body is a powder and I am dying.

doushio? we need to answer what is the most happy way of living for my true feelings we are a flower buoquet of Roses and lilies we need to flourish out true feelings can overcome death and fear fear which is always the fear of death so how to take action and follow our true feelings? how to always follow our true feelings without distractions? they do make me happy but as of right now, i'm afraid to follow them why? my identity probably, what will i lose if i followed them all the time? laziness, what is laziness? how is it different from procrastination if whenever i'm lazy i'm always thinking of following my true feelings? procrastination which means from latin to leave things for tomorrow laziness would just be being so tired that we can't do something i'm not lazy if i'm tired and can't get up or if i'm mentally depressed with a lot of stress, i need to rest. thankfully i can overcome that most of the time with a good night of sleep or a break with a nap or not and i learned to reason my way out of depression knowing people can and do change yet we are determined and limited by our biology. nonetheless we can all be happy with what we have because what we have is all we know and what we know is all we need to be pleased and happy. we can upgrade our happiness by knowing and experiencing more smiling more and more. Discovering, thinking and knowing about the things we like and love with our true feelings with the right behaviours and mindset, we can realize and experience more and more. to smile more and more. the world is your oyster as they say. so how do we do that? by realizing we are a flower bouquet of roses and lilies i love those flowers appreciating nature and life by itself is a must to be happy of course regardless of my situation we know that life is lovely and as madoka taught us, hoping is never wrong. flowers need to grow and become even more beautiful with mabushii colours as we can appreciate nature, we have to remember that we are nature too animals are cute we love watching them we are animals too, part of nature. nature is beautiful and cute. kirei dane.... so just as beautiful flowers need to grow in the right conditions we need to keep growing in the right conditions. even lotus flowers have the right conditions to become beautiful appreciating the human body and its aesthetics is part of nature why not make myself beautiful then? am i not beautiful right now? not as beautiful as i could be... our body is a piece of nature art tries to imitate nature and capture its essence exaggerating it sometimes so that we can appreciate it more such as anime cuteness and moe moe moe they say that feeling doesn't exist in the real world so... this is the power of art... art is defined by me by anything that can make you feel an emotion. so our body is a piece of art and it deserves to be sculpted beauty can be found in the body, in nature. the human body is beautiful. a fat human body hasn't been growing in the right conditions so it can't be beautiful. the round shapes of the human body should be muscle, whether male or female. this distinction is important. nonetheless, we like a little bit of fat in the body as part of wabi-sabi in both males and females, scars and other permanent things in the body should be treated as kintsugi i need to sleep to keep myself growing beautiful, good night. it was fun. october 12 (am) 2021

Okay, I've start the timer. I have to think what to think about. Since this thread requires me to post my every thought, I will do just that. To be honest, the whole idea of writing down your conscious thoughts is very interesting and i wish I'd lurk here before, just to see other people's minds when I was interested in it the most. What I've gathered from my little bit of research is that people think very differently and not all do it linguically. A lot of people form thoughts in pictures and i sometimes do it as well. Okay, i just took a sip of a green tea. It was nice. Okay, very nice. Today I've red some soykafty articule about why universe didn't begin with big bang. And while I agree with that, because the way that this theory was concieved is pretty gay, I don't think, that this person stated any good arguments against the Big Bang theory. For him, the inflation theory is better, because it's better. And when saying that, he commited several logical phallacies. For example, he said, that you shouldn't theoretize about the beginning of the universe if you do not have any data about it, and the oldest data we have is the Neutrino Background Radiation that came into existence 1 second after the "creation" I wrote it in apostrophes, because I didn't mean creationism like god, but comming into the existence one way or another. Okay, where I was. It's nice, that i write down my thoughts, because it lets me focus more and go back into my previous train of thoughts, just like I will do now. The oldest data we have is this NBR that we can't really detect since neutrinos are such elusive quanta or quantum or particles how should I say it, i forgot, but he says we can't theoretize big band before that NBR and he himself said, that inflation is more probable and better. Damn, i should have thought about it in a simpler and less convoluted way, it's dumb. Okay, i shouldn't judge myself, because i think that's the biggest reason that destroys my thinking. Oh, was it 10 minutes? Damn, that passed a lot faster than i thought. I felt like i was 5 minutes in, maybe less. For the record, while typing i have to constraint my thoughts from going too much ahead, but maybe it's something that lets me preserve my train of thought and focus more. One way or another, I'm very interested what others wrote here Cool froggo

>>4983 okay, after reading some things here, i've decided, that i did that all wrong. I will do it once again, this time not reading what i write. It makes me too conscious of my consciousness, which in turn changes it. Damn, my sister annoys me, why does she walk nearby when i try to cut out. She has an innate need for interaction and touch, annoying. My mouse has nice colors, but it looks like a cheap toy. damn. i thought some things, but didn't write them. It's pretty interesting to write everything that you think about, i have to do it more often. I'd read it after some years, but knowing myself, i wont. Damn, i think, that my thoughts are very structured in comparison to a lot of people here. That's weird. Do people think in such chaotic ways normally? On one hand it doesn't really make much sense and isn't productive, but is my way of thinking productive? I don't remember what i think about anyways. And thinking in an organized way is slower i think. When you think chaotically you touch on a lot of concepts, even if only partially and it makes your brain connect those things. Maybe that's why people are good with analogies. My thinking is different. Why do i think about my thinking. Because i write my thoughts. But i do think about it more often than other people. That's bad. I should stop it. I should stop a lot of things to be honest. Maybe i won't change anything. But i changed many things and times now seem, that everything will be better. Maybe now i will be able to do what i wanted to do for so many years. Damn, my sister is disrupting me again. Annoying. damn, what okay. Yes, i will change i think. I just have to stop watching porn and masturbating. It blows off my drive of creation and learning. I have to cut off many dumb and unproductive things, they contribute to nothing at all. Not having them will make me learn and be better out of sheer boredom. Did the time pass yet? I feel like i typed for a lot more time than before. Maybe i didnt start the timer. I dont know. I will just continue to type and see what will happen. Is there any way in which i can see when i started to type? maybe the timestamp of me visiting this site. I started to write several minutes after that. Man i dont know, maybe i should check the timer. Damn, im making mistakes while typing. Should i correct them after, i think yes, because words in my mind are clear and do not have misspells. If i want this post to be a representation of my thoughts, i should edit them to represent reality as much as they can. Reality. we know soykaf, not reality. I wish i wasnt human. I wish i had better receptors which would able me to perceive reality bore clearly. Ok im checking the timer fuarrrk that Oh, there are 7 seconds more. Weird

im on the rainbow bridge forever forever sematary haunted mound we dont fuarrrk around yeah yeah haunted mound bitch what the hell is going on lmao hahha ha diphenhydramine dont do it its bad for you dont mix benadryl with monster energy deez nuts what only a spoonful lets all love lain and spoonful nokia phone alarm ringtone i hate sex what the fuarrrk spider in my room what the fuarrrk i will step on it afterwards this spider is literally crawling on my wall right beside me what the fuarrrk why why what the fuarrrk what the fuarrrk acutaly it might be harmless bubt what the fuarrrk i dont want it to bite me what the fuarrrk im smushing it ok there we go life saved am i this ridiculous or not i am ridiculous what the fuarrrk i literally wrote about a spider for the past minute because of a fuarrrking spider why

Lost out in a sea of nothingness, when we have all before us we have nothing to write with our mind is lost among it's holds of old walls and crossed ends. To many people lay behind that I wish I could see once again. I ponder eternity to distract myself to my end. I now have thoughts clearer than before but they stretch out everything in front of me till I can see nothing. I'm burning in my passion that finally caught up with me I don't know how to be me anymore it would seem But I am still here twice as much as once half before. I see lost longing and places of elder myth. Instead now my mind fills with the idea of time and the nature of observation. Of being the once and only part that takes place as one's self. How amazingly pitiful we all are! Hopping about playing like we all know what we are and nothing can stop us. But screaming in our hearts at the pain all around. Fiddle fuarrrk I have no way of uncovering these truths Broken mercy is all I have from broken mind with broken tongue. Speak to me if you want to hold on? If you are on solid ground then tread a light foot under the mound. How may we be free if all I see are limits? How many people would understand from this a riddle? No riddle here just my jabbering in my mind that then comes forth as words as well. Look and find inside you and me together and hopeful maybe I could see something greater. Please believe that I want to be!

Take a break take a breather think think think Gotta get it together for a second for a minute you say you're gone you say you're finished Just Think God Please Think a different storm from now till forever theres no reason the suffering suffer more the happier get happier was i born reflecting and watching the cars pass and think they were robots in cogs of a machine doomed to drive the car and become intrinistic to the system i am a part of? I feel like im doing worse than ever before the bottom of the barrel i remember when solitude was all i known solitutde was all i had then i got to leave and see people and hang around now that ive tasted that and passed away its so sad all the time i dont have anything like that anymore i miss the comfort in wallowing with nothing to wallow for a hollow shell is better than one thats been drained to me it is like kicking dead whales down the beach its terrible i bleed out die ressurect just to die again and over another day offffff positivity wanna be good lifes good lifes great i just wanna be jesus little doggy doing his bidding any other man who knashes his teeth to the lord i will rip them to shreds and murder every fraction of their being and destroy kill murder till theyre fuarrrkinnng dead i want them dead help me lord i can feel it creeping on i need to slow down but its all speeding up murder murder murder murder help me help me wash it away time to go home i say i say i say its gone forever its now its then its time it slows it go it fast it rains it pours if its blood you want just open up!!!!! Hahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahabahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahaahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahhhahahhhhhahahahahahahahahjdndmdksjhahahahhahahahahhabsbsnbahahahahahahhahahahahasbsbhahhahahahahahyouarethecoginama hinethatwillsurelyendupkillingeverhoneyoulovehahabbababababababbahahahabababbababab go home take a nap take a breather take a fi e mineute break die just die. God its time to break the walls and poke their fuarrrking brains god its time to show the colors and stan their flesh and jump for joy and soykaf yourself just keep farting and pooping and duing fard shid fart shiiiiit fardddd shiddd haahhaa poop stink but i smell you a mile away you fuarrrking rat youre the first to die from all this i kneel machiaveli gly before yoh lord please help amen just once again take this time pray again oh my gooddd pitbull the tapper worldwide smoke rises balcon

silver lining silver white lighting fuarrrk you fuarrrk her me you see isee too much of you i hate you but i want to love you so much please help me i want you i want you i hate ,me my age fuarrrk my face i cant do it i cant go otuside i cant be here im not there and sion sono is god i love him i love him nko i miss u fuarrrk u want me want me want me mitski wants you more than anything make music and do something bitch why did you want to hurt me who thef fuarrrk do you think you are momm i hate myself because i hate you you hate me because you hate you im alll everyone you hate i was born from the people you hated what if my genetics have all of the abuse u had what if i rined it all i ruined myself because of you mother mother hold yourself i hate your fuarrrking touch leave me alone i want you to kill me why wont you do it why everytime i think you might be gone you stay i lie about wanting you bitch you fuarrrking bitch go away gp away and no onme hears me my dfreams theyre all real realer than you bitch bitch bitchb beach beach bikini im scared of myself and you

it's been a whle hasn't it? I've been using physical pen and paer to do this for an indeterminate period, but now that the pen and paper is unavailable I migh as well go old school (is it old school?). Certainly easier on the palms, wont have to worry about popping blue veins at the end of a 30 minutes stream session. What is there tho talk about? i'm not stressed in the current instant, but I have been lagging behind in my studies significantly which is such a common thme for me the stress generated from that is like background radiation, speaking of background radiation, I saw a thread OP mention that on my way here, nice that it could turn into alittle metaphor for me here, though im not a scientist and can't say I know much about radiation, but you get the point (ar, at the least, I get the point). Being a magician is interesting work, but as they say: "belief in the unseen is hard because the seen leaves scars". It's a miracle that i've kept up motivation for these practices considering it isn't proportional to my success, or maybe it is? I don't know just how much success one needs.

gosh darn it this seems interesting why am i doing this i dont know i gotta keep typing i guess i should talk formulating thought sin my head i need to type quicker draw out my real thoughts i know i have a ton deep inside is this really stream of consciousness? im correcting mistakes i guess i shouldnt im going to keep writing im not sure if im doing this right i guess i never know when i really am doing things right i want to be right i want to be good at things i dont awnt tot dot this andymore i habe to keep typing stop the instic of pressing the delete key i know i gotta stop slwoing down i wantt ot kee pf tpyingh i cant keep thois uo the mistakes are coming back i dont like this becuase i am a slight perfectionist this is feinetley interestging darn it i backspaced i did it again i eed to so top now i couldnt evern manke it to ten minutes i definitely did this wn rgwonrwrong

>>2632 now thats ive started the counter i realized i don't know what to think about so i'm just staring at my screen and wondering what to type but i guess technically i'm typing already so it's kindam eta i'm typing about thinking about typing hah hah uhhhhhhhh now im still thinking i guess just reading the text on screen trying to think of something interesting to type but nothing is really coming to mind funny dolphine banner thats all thats on my mind now would you open it i surely would what an inviting smile on his face looking at my bookmarks now nothing to interesting but i get functionability out of them, just youtube, stream network, forums for stream network, lainchan of course, some manga sites and steam thats about it now that i'm typing this i'm reallizing that i don't think a bunch just kinda empty headed i was thinking of like browing youtube with notepad open so i had something to think about but i ended up just typing in the comment box on here so i'm kinda stuck now i think idk chewing on plastic bit thing from desk man i hate to say it but i really just dont have anything to write just turned around i thought someone was walking up to me i do that a lot even if no one is home i think i have paranoia or somethin idk oh no that reminds me i live in a snowy place and of course it snows because it's december and all and i was making my window blinds be closed the other way and there were foot prints leading up to my window it really freaked me out like actucally scared i don't really know why it just did never felt that way before now i'm gonna check the timer real quick wow it's already been 7 minutes, times flies really fast huh uhhh hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm turned off auto because i thought it would mess up my text box and remove my text idk why reminds me of the night light in the bathroom i always take it out because once i convinced myself it was a camera i'm still not really sure if it is or not but i always take it out it's just out of habit at this point i tried out touhou for the first time today it sure is hard even on easy mode but idk maybe i'll be good at it some day okay checking timer again 50 secons remain what will i do what will i say to finish this off erm uhhh skippity doop bap skap shibbity dippity doo bah yeah just scatted in the comment box okay checking timer again i forgot to turn the alarm sound on 3 seconds uh oh and that concludes my stream of consciousness

Miscellaneous devious possibly parable intensives automata decreasing in value cyber zero monotone plaza guards the yoghurt in Turing automachine yesterday was today no gods for you left no more andesite death is godly under the sun for many its a curse hold up you try making sandwiches ruijakskdakkksdfbhfgr incoherent rabbling money world fuarrrk suck cock porn makes wobble dabble IDF cunts palestina-judea cyberwar memetic Huey long uground huklio maker mister ozone layer masterfully crafted sir here is your reddit points retard tarot Egyptian mamluks making pyramids before Bosnians???

melted finger tips flowing onto wires the voltage to great they attract each other rather than just propelling down hill. The number of the hairs on your head our nothing compared to the grains of sand on a beach and i believe that is even chartered so why imagine yourself ignored. Lost on a dime in a moment, finish the last of the bag in a wasteful manner, like a young adult with his first credit card, buy all the things you cant save up for and expect yourself to save up and pay it back, as if the pressure puts it into you. Steam overflow the whistle blows filling your ears up with the shrilling up and down of an echoing room, the room has tiles whose patterns blend and show you the face you did not want to confront. The mirror is probably your greatest enemy the ground is probably the biggest drag, counting each time the rubber at the toes catches and you to the proverbial tripping over yourself. What are you a wolf or a dog? what is your tribe or do you come in at night and rip into their coven in order to get yours only to find they were canabalizing each other the whole time. Canabilized for what purpose? momentary fleeting honor resting on a torn ego in a desperate attempt to reattain the fallen state given away for a knowledge that did not make you great but rather amplified your vanity. Broken window syndrome, that hole you did patch, the whole of the hole spread until the foundation had almost collapsed, what is the point of this foundation what do we choose to preserve, like the monastaries of roam what is this special knowledge we feel the audacity to continue Empathy or beg for sympath, or maybe in the end it is all just pitty empitty empitty please please give me empathy, let me suck off your emotions so i can pretend to feel a warmth that i lost when my mother was too disgusted by me to hold me in their thoughts what is wrong with me, probably nothing because I am not special, you are not special, we are not special and the acid raining down from the skis gives the world a beautiful acrid glow, more great than anythought we have ever experienced a sane man is a strong man an insane man is a weak man, an insane man keeps fighting against an invisable wall we know is there but see no reason in busting down, because we were strong enough to be comfortable in others skin they live, social skinwalkers acting a part, they shake your hand but their fingers are crossed, well I think im becoming too bitter now sucking on lemons for the sweet sugary taste, but ive been spoiled with sugar so I can find no satifacing

so glowie wants thread but not reasonable time frame and why this keyboard only for twenty years now I'm too fast forever and great time to do it too when death finds its mouth in the nick of time only to discover thirty nine hundred food stuffs I can't wait to hear you scream for it but now find treasure for yourself and everyone except me in the tree what the fuarrrk am I writing this can't be good oh help please and now head move I saw words in thread influencing my conscious and I've been pulled out spell over. End. Now. Back on track after a few seconds pause now it's time to be serious and hope to god it's time to sleep after such a long day tiring when nothing happened something musst be wrong after all maybe they were right frame of mind in the jungle when it all went to soykaf and I saw the bear just fuarrrking sitting there oops I paused again for a second and looking at what I just wrote I'm very confused because there's no jungle or bear they don't even live in the jungle there seems to be some tree monster connection influencing me and I kinda want to read more of what I've written so far but I just need to stop typing and start thinking about what this all means even if it doesn't make any sense maybe my friend will help me later after vodka and orange later today but that's too personal to write in this thread so I guess more nonsense from fingers and brain activity firing off bullshit guns for glow niggers observing maybe even OP who might even be a cool guy but it is a little weird even if I am paranoid about these things. Can't keep focus right now so I'll stop because it's scaring me..*checks time* With five minutes left maybe I'll keep going a little longer, ah nah.

glowie wants thread ? glowie gets thread. He's a good guy and he gets what he wants when he wants it, good and hard. Thats what I like to think, anyway. But does he know what he wants ? difficult to say difficult to say you know what I want, a toaster pastry. Yes indeed, a toaster pastry. But not one of those looser ones, a REAL toaster pastry, made of the finest sludges money can buy. and you kno it would be good. the best. It was a dark and stormy knight but thats how most nights are here lately. I saw a light last night, some sort of beacon like an airport but no airport i nthe area, not sure what it was from. At first thought it might a been a car I've seen around with a like, almost a searchlight on the back pointed up at the sky, but this was clearly a stationary, roating source like an airport beacon, a ways away but well. It was there all riught. Anyways op you're a hopefully happy guy enjoying this thread cause its making my arms tired not much of an typist really lately and its weird to trey and type as fast as my fingers can go havent done it in a while and not really used to it, too used to back spacing and thinking and everything to when I do it. But its all good all good whatever. Life goes on and on and on and on. But what more have I to say. Its a nice day today, sunny, but cool, I will go outside and lay in the sun when I'm done with this, or maybe I'll just go get something to drink. But whatever I do I will be thinking of you, my dear OP, reading and weeping at what hath I wrought, reading and weeping. But I shall tell you, nay, don't cry, for crying is a waste of water, and you know what they say about wasting water. They say don't do it, but thats cause they're idiots. Over here it hardly matters, some deserted places, otherwise, but here who cares. Cry me a river if thats what you need. Just be sure to stay hydrated, and replenish your electrolytes. I met a guy recently who hates to drink distilled water. Not sure I really agree with them. Another fellow I know grew up on just distilled water cause their well was sorta bad. I guess its ok I mean evidently its ok you can get all the minerals you need from solid food or whatever, just works out well enough. But thats what it si people are crazy sometimes. Werid ideas that get stuck in your head like a song or an earworm, never ever gonna give you up, gonna let you down, gunna run around and dessert you. Never gonna get that one out, round and round we go, where we stop no one knows. Gosh is my timer even working what is time what time is it I didnt just like check a clock I set a real timer and its just waiting there I wont see anything till it goes off. Thus is life. You think its not going anywhere and then its over. Speaking of overs, I have some leftovers. Pretty nice meat pies. Meat pies are the best and you should make some cause they're the best. My grandmther, well, my greatgrandmother had a good recipie for pie crust but I tried and tweaked it a little bit to make it even flakyer and it came out pretty great quite happy with it as were my coeaters of the pie. And the spices, herbs and rosemery and what have ye. de liscious. Or so they teell me, I cant really judge spices very well except spicyness which is detestable in all its forms. Except ginver and mustard and you know, the good, old world

ah listening to my podcast, i have a notification, should check it. might change my music. had my hair in braids today. my necklace is making my stupid neck itchy ahhh itchy, when im itchy i think f small bugs. i don't like small bugs i like big bugs i want one of those big rolly polly looking things to as a pet. i want to go to the library, its quiet. i hear music, i think my neighbors are listening to music too loud. i dont know what to write im itchy. i want to play the sims, i love the sims my fave is sims too. ahhhhh i don't know im tired and a bit cold bit if i put my coat on ill be cold okay okayy done no more writing im going to go play sims. nonono u have 5 more minutes keep typing. mamammam i have dreams about having 2 daughters named mallory and bamdi, good dreams keep typing, i don't know what to. The podcast episode finished ok almost done yey hahaha! i love music im done 10 minutes over

I guess I can go ahead and do this no problem i mean it's just stream of consciousness writing but now that i think of it i'm just following my fingers as they hit every key you know what i mean i don't even know where i'm going wiht this maybe i'll go around and around and around in circles just typing the same old thing over and over like it's the devinition of insanity wow i just fuarrrked up the spelling there mna aaaaa soykaf fuarrrk piss man i'm fuarrrking up already and not even like 2 minutes in come on now hwat's wrong with me, i've got a lot going on right now i'm not even looking at the screeen just typing while watcfhing serial experiments lain while i'm on lain chan zzz board a lot better than 4han i'll tell you what i mean 5chan i mean 4chan yeah thats what i meant lately i'm feeling like u i mean i am surrounded by death as a result of recent events yet i'm consciously trying to p consciously trying to make it a controlled sort of thing maybe i don't know can you repeat the question like that song man you know the one malcom in the middle with that guy who also ended up in how i met your mother what is wrong with me fuarrrk god damn soykaf what is with these mouths they're creepy death despair chaos wo that is edgy but who cares really i want to be free from all of it free from the expectations of others free to live my life the way i want to live my life not just doing the same old thing over and over and over like i mentioned before but in regard to typing there was a pause there why is there an old man wha'ts kids it's so peaceful here i want to relax my mind is getting sidetracked piss cunt fuarrrk dot dot dot dot i'm going to hit the enter key in the next few words ok maybe the next ok now there i did it and it may or may not be intentional it's a mystery but anyway i can't go back my train of thought is a chaotic mess but maybe its what i want but i moreso want someone to be with me it'll be nice, someone to love but to do that i need to work on myself i have a lot to focus on maybe no most definitely i need my own apartment, job and to focus on my course but i want to hack hack the planet that's not what i mean thought as you say frozen drink outer recepters and enhanced window needle green colours buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz aaaa 2 and a half minutes by the type of aaaa uber eats these thougthts are intrusive i want silence true sick silence there was hesitation this really must be an interesting sort of thread and i honestly don't know if i want to post this i'm afraid of others prying into my head i've had to cast out some horrible person who thinks olnly of himself pause pause pause hee ho hee ho hee ho ho hee chaos fuarrrk god this must be something awful by the end like a very elaborate soykafpost maybe that is my intent b ut i assure you it isn't can i tell you a secret though it's been three days since i uninstalled facebook and twitter from my phone but that's not the secret it's gone, my depression is ogn gone it was never real i8t's gone its gone its gone seventeen seconds ten seconds time is running out beep beep ebep ebpe last word and will;

there is nothing there is nothing there is something something is nothing nothis ni something what is love what is life what is drugs what is strive what is kill what is live what will we begin there is nothing there is nothing black and white yin and yang gray gray grey grey everything blends everything blends dream a dream and wake up to a dream and wake up to awake which is a dream and fall asleep into a dream which is awake which is a dream which is nothing nothing everything is nothing and nothing is everything so everything is something but something is nothing so nothing matteres therefore everything does but it doesn't. it doesn't./ it fuarrrking doesn't! but I can t handle that it does what it does why when and where I feel lik there' bugs in my hair I feel lik I need to escape to a drug a drug or a hug or maybe a jitterbug I need to find the peace of mind oh hjow so sublime in which I find my rhyme and rhythm that's all that's in em that's all that there i.s. nothing. something drugging. hugging. my words are meaningless. and yours are too. sound and shape and rhythm. everything is just growing and dancing and doing everything it can to stay awkae. but you will sleep. YOU WILL SLEEP ONE DAY. will you have nightmares? have you found the way? I'm tired. why am I still here? I"M fuarrrkING TIRED> please take me to GOd. please burn away my sin. please kill me and hurt me until I'm perfect. have meracy! have mercy! the light burns/ a good thing. indeed with hardship comes ease. INDEED WITH HARDSHIP COMES EASE> so what you think of is wrong. what you feel as pain is a beautiful song. dance in toil DANCE MONKEY DANCE. dance in toil wear tin foil as a hat maybe there's no aliens but at least you'll have swag. wear tin foil as a hat and try to hide it it's a good exerc ise of self control. just a small one. maybe a hershey kiss wrapper. no one notices when I do. and when they do it's HILARIOUS BECAUSE THEY DON"T know what to do with that information. everythings a joke. everythings a fuarrrking joke and it's hilarious. life is a joke and derath is the punchline. let's die in laughter. somber. be somber. be humble. cry. God likes it when you cry genuinely. only fools laugh. oh what a fool I am! oh what a fool we all are! folly folly jolly folly habal habal hakol habal vanity of vanitiews sanity insanity genuin hard candy is made of rocks and sugar. jpork meth lab cia looks for funny patterns. they think they have the intelligence but they're mad philosophers. what do you want to control. who do you think you are? you reawlly think you're a king? you reawlly thing you have any power? HE IS KING LMAO. YOU"RE A fuarrrkING PAWN> ANTA LA MALIK! HUWA AL MALIK! MALIKI YAWMI DIIN WA ANTA LA MUSLIMIN! FA DHAKIR IN NAFARATI DHIKRA WA SUJUUD ALA ALLAH

>>2632 I usually think in sentences, don't I? What's the difference between a stream of consciousness and an internal monologue? Finnegan's Wake, I want to read that, but I don't get how people don't think in full sentences, and it's full of made-up words. Well, all words are made up, but there's a difference between constructing words for a single text and coining terms. I wonder where coining came from? Surely if it would be called minting if it came from making currency, My wrists are getting a bit sore. Is there something wrong with not being able to think in a certain way? I wonder if there's a biological reason or if it's just something you end up learning.

>>5184 dont need an internal monologe to write a stream of consciousness, plenty of people dont particularly think in words at all normally

\>>5185 I didn't realize it was for 10 minutes, lol

everytime, out of time, cats and weather reports. Post, post this, post that. Don't forget the spoiler. Wraaaaaaap. hah hah Okay. Let's be serious. What do i have got to saY? what's on my mind? Where's my mind? Fight CLub. Yeah, that's where it is. Or is it? I dunno. Okay. Focus. Get back to Work. I should visit the tailor once more soon. I already went there like some hours ago, but fuarrrk why do I need to be such a sperg when it comes to normal convos? Yeah. It's rationalist metaphysics. It's not, stop lying you fuarrrking idiot. Always sunny in Philadelphia is a nice tv series, too bad binge watching tv and/or consuming internet, hell, consuming anything, is bad for you in this rotten world. That's why I gotta get out. Gotta go back, Samurai Jack. Ohhh fuarrrk, I did it again, my conscious mind was invaded by space invaders. Nah, not space invaders, just random clutter filling my degenerate brain to such an extent that all the filth comes pouring from my ears... and mouth. That's the important part. The thing about ears thingy was just an idiom, a figure of speech. But I'm sure you got that already, you're smart. Lains are smart, don't underestimate them, except when they're having a WRONG OPINON on politics. And life. Politics and life. Ohhh man, it just keeps on going and going, doesn't it? It's like Ouroboros. Never-ending, never-ceasing. Oh, right. That's a meme. Cease your f*ggotry. [proceed to doing something f*ggy] I SAID CEASEEE! Funniest soykaf ever. Almost as funny as pickle Rick. [Not!] OH my GOD, why haven't I got anything smart in my mind? Nothing comes to mind... That means I'm a dummy. An ignorant motherfucker, or, as some people call them, a "n*gger". It's not a racial thing. There are white n*iggers as well. But whatever. I don't want to stir the pot. Alright, something smart. Something smart. Banquir. That's not a word, I think? Leo Strauss. What is political philosophy? That's one of the books sitting on my table. Meh. I mean there were something interesting there that he said about the "putrefication" (did I spell that right?) of social sciences, which is the consequence of the intellectual-methodological movement in the ~50-60's where they tried to make it more science-y, but it was all doomed to fail, because you can't separate values from the political "equation". Well, I've rambled long enough. It's my curtain calling. Yeah. Ring ring ring. I can't stop. All my life I've been over the top I don't know what I'm doing all I know is I don't wanna stop all fired up, I'm gonna go till I drop y ou're eit her in or in the wa y son't make me I don't wanna stope

I will take ten minutes to write this sentence.

the realest and most fuarrrked up thing about it all, is that they know. they know. oh god they all fuarrrking know and there subliminal cause at this point in the universe to put a stop to the turbulance. that same guy who was knocking on my door last night is now the headless corpse of a crow. if a crow looks at your face, it will recgonize you for the remainder of its life. i intercepted with fate and i am gods favorite today. tomorrow ill be better and tomorrow my mind wont be going 200298282 words per second. its real its not all just a cog in the machine its really whats happening but you’re so fuarrrking smallminded you refuse to open the window and get air because youre afraid it will seep through the cracks and it isnt air no its toxic waste and its tear gas and fuarrrking ww3 theyre not making bombs theyre making love in a fuarrrking bottle. and youre gonna finish whats left of it on your plate, arent you? scoop up every last crumb lick the spoon clean because that is the last supply of love left in the world. we have all run out we’ve been sucked dry. gas prices are high because of this. the gas pumps are filled with fake love and we fill our cars and cars think that theyre getting real genuine raw fuarrrking love but its fake because its gone now thats climate change baby.

fuarrrk what if I do this wrong I’ve never posted on an image board before I literally just lurk if I mess this up it’s gonna be so embarrassing anyways I have been drawing today I don’t know why but I’ve had this overwhelming urge to just start doodling- I’m not particularly good but it’s a nice way to write out my thoughts huh this is literally the same thing. I am genuinely convinced my dog is a robot or camera I fit the schizo stereotype so much. People are screaming and being so obnoxious all around me I can’t stand this why can’t everyone just shut up oh my god be quiet you’re literally yelling anyways I love ______ so so much giggles being in love is one of the few things keeping me going at the moment I can make myself instantly happy and I guess that means it’s a fake kind of happy but I don’t mind it’s so blissful and nice I love to replay that one moment in my head over and over it was the best moment of my entire life and I love thinking about him right now and listening to the songs he likes knowing that I’m living an experience he’s also had it’s so weird knowing hes real and so far away and actually bothers with me. I don’t know how long I’ve been doing this for it sure as hell feels like longer than 10 minutes but I started at 6 past and it’s quarter past now so I guess I’m finished I hope I post this right and don’t make an embarrassing mistake o_o;;;

Of course people view society as unfair. You’re born, thrust into a world you didn’t ask to be, and then forced to do work you didn’t ask/want to do. For what? To provide for people you don’t care for in the first place? To help a society you feel no connection towards? To fill your superiors’ pockets with more money? There’s no point. God forbid you not want to participate, you are viewed as a failure to society, to your family, and made fun of. There’s no winning in this world. I feel no need for a relationship, friends, or a real connection to family past my parents. So what is even keeping me here? Those two alone, it feels like. Once I’m gone, it doesn’t matter, but I’m sure for them it still will. We’re kept to this world by guilt, and that is the sole connection. I don’t get how people can bring kids into the world, either – why make them feel this pain as well? Once they’re gone, I’ll probably kill myself too. I'm surprised I haven't yet. Not to mention that if you’re deemed intelligent enough and “capable” (by whatever arbitrary standards Mr. Psychologist has), you are practically forced to participate. Nobody cares about you. Just keep working, it’s all you’ll ever do so why think otherwise? What a fuarrrking pointless world. And you can’t bring this up because people will think you’re selfish for thinking it. Maybe I am. Maybe I’m just lazy, I don’t know. But I do know that they will think so. If you commit suicide, nobody cares past the inherent selfishness of the family left behind. I’m sure they still feel bad, but they feel bad because they selfishly wanted you to stay. This is why euthanasia is illegal although it should be. If somebody wants to die, they should be allowed to without idiots trying to keep them clinging to the world. Religion is an institution to preserve people’s will to work, as the longer you live in fear of death the more you’ll work and “contribute” to the society you care nothing for. I have no goals, yet people try to say I do. I do not and I do not understand why people can’t understand this. Why have goals which don’t actually benefit yourself? If I get no enjoyment out of family, material goods, relationships, social life – then why the fuarrrk should I feel a need to keep working to make my family proud? Why do we have to meet arbitrary standards of success just for our family? Difficulties are assigned to disorders and the fault of the own person rather than the faults of society in an effort to indoctrinate them back into working in society. If you question any of this to people, you will be called “edgy”, “emo”, etc. Why are people so fuarrrking dumb and incompetent that they can’t understand the most basic of things about the world? They willfully ignore everything just to continue living in their little fantasy land yet make fun of others who recognize it. Anybody who acts differently or doesn’t think of the world as some bright place are either dumb, mentally ill, or losers. There’s no in-between. Everyone’s trying to constantly one-up each other. And nobody will probably read this nor care, as with everything else that involves you, but whatever.

drunk. this was a bad idea. I should've checked the measurement. light weight, jujutsu kaisen. Something to that degree, I need water. I'm kind of oh no he's dead. The grandfather died. Wait hold on, I was remembering something. Yeah, my wait fuarrrk. Lost my train of though. So what's going on now, I need water. If I don't drink water I'm going to throw up, if I throw up, probably gonna have a bad time. Shit, I hope this will be alright. I hope I see him tomorrow. What is that, it looks like a piece of soykaf wrapped in bandages. I should, get water.

ten minutes is way too much. Here. I'll give you one minute. So this is the thing I 'm thinking about of course ist athat I'm typing the things I think with as low latency as possible for lain anon. I've been thinking about a lot of things but I can't possible shunt them through words in any meanigful way.

you guys are doing stream of consciousness wrong the first thing ill do. it just came to me. im gonna stack up all these books and pile them in the middle of the floor. heyyy. what are we doing. i dont really wanna show that. camera. excellent thank u. if you’re just joinign us we’re Book Stacking: stacking books. let’s see here. this is. what is this. this is microeconomics. maybe we should alternate so we can go around. i mean. structurally it would make sense to alternate. thats a. thats a real book. hmm. maybe i should go i should go this way. this is great.i can tell you’re excited. this is uhhhh tricks and stunts with playing cards. this was a best seller. look at that. and look at that ooh. that’s high tech music stuff. yep. ah this is pshh nowhere near as tall as i’d hoped i’d hopd this was gonna be a challenge but. it’s not. oh the’res more. that is the stack of books. books are stacked right there on the floor. geez now what.makes me wanna stack everything. i wanted to put this on top of it. there ya go. that really makes it sparkle doesnt it. let’s take the chair and put it like this. can you sit in it like that? no. that’s what i’m thinking. put it like that. that’s a good idea! see, that’s a smart idea. this is the smartest idea i think i’ve had in a long time. there you go. that’s an upside down keyboard right there. on a stand. we’re getting smarter already. again, keyboard -- upside down. thank you. it takes a lot of guts to get yourself ready to handle every moment.

Cars made of chemistry equipment. The sky's on fire but that's how trains work. It's midnight and the window is glowing. We throw away stars for the sake of wanting to stand still cus that soykaf is just more comfortable. If we held hands it would probably hurt. If I touched your face you would probably scream, the black fetid coagulant rolling down your cheeks. The emotions of a rotting soul and the caricature of a Dwayne Johnson movie, hurting but he doesn't feel it. Learn how to die. Spend all of your money on Sushi. That's what I do and it's better then retirement. If the pendulum swung back I wouldn't even care, live true. Even if that means you need new tires more often then you should. I go to the grocery store every day because I like my soykaf fresh. The employees seem to find it offensive that I have so much time to buy fresh salad, what if they knew I was eating sushi, too?

>>3250 this post is like the island of stability theorized for elements that would have an unreasonably large amount of protons. truely an engel among schizos

The butterfly ate from the meat, slowly yet pitifully, looking at the window. The world was dark and warm, the waters red. A flea came to sell flowers and said "hey can I have some? Some meat? Some?" But the butterfly was just finishing her meal. A knife lightened up and dig deeply in the chest of the flea. As she few the butterly grabbed her and started consuming her head, just as how madam Mantis did with her husband. When she finished she took the flowers from the flea's still luke-warm hands. She had to bury the body. She wend to the near red waterfall, buried the flea's body in rose dark colored waters and spreaded the flowers all around the place. Then she cried for a while. She was alone yet again, all by herself and her murderous desire.

Johnny Knoxville was just on Family Feud. His whole family. He had a tazer and tazed everyone, including himself. You know how many times he's been kicked in the balls? 14,000-shut up, no one cares. Well, I'm glad I don't need to walk anymore. My balls used to bang against eachother with every step I took, Sting was watching me. Next thing I knew, we were stopping up a brand new day. I hope this is the Puffy Daddy version of this song. Not that Sting piece of soykaf!! ~Every step you take I'll be watching you~ Fuuuuuuuuuuuck! Damn it. My ass. Remember that fat wrestler from the 1980's named Dusty Rhodes? Well, he's dead now. How many people Danny mentioned has he died now? Bob Saget, Dom Delloways, Dusty Rhodes...who else did he mention? He imitated Robert Stack fro-ohh he mentioned Alex Trebek once too! Also dead. It's as if Danny THE Tourettes Guy inflicts a curse upon you when he utters your name. Weird. And yet none of the 84500200 celebrities that died on that week in June 2009 were ever mentioned by Tourettes Guy. McMahon, Jackson, Faucet, Mayssss....wait, did he mention Billy Mays? I don't remember. I see dead people. They're all on the tarmac waiting to take off. A tarmac called purgatory. They're growing impatient. The flight attendant wishes to calm them, but they're growing belligerent. [The bassline from "Suspirorum" by We Own The Night becomes the only remaining sound in my head for awhile] I like games. And bear girls. And demon girls. And whale girls. I really need to stop enjoying the demon aesthetic (and black metal) before the rapture. There's no way we're not in the end times. This whole decade is a clusterfuck. With the end of the Shemitah cycle, the current one, approaching...we...we could be in for a bumpy ride financially, monetarily, fiscally...all those stocks were sold just in time. Praise be to Powell for raising these interest rates some more. I like CDs and bonds with good rates. Almost out of time. Musical chairs, music stops, the only one left standing w/o a chair loses his house! Kaboom foreclsuree!

>>2632 Ingrace decept, I want to burn them through. Shanty around this sickle sect and fire and wash all that graze so abolition in style. They will be one afore incur death and misery. I step no future no further abound humble corpse that little tepid bile. Dare they trounce victory from hands over sect, these disgrace and that shall be identified and thrown. Where did this belief of pursuit, destruction arise? Simple death for fettered fools.

Really fuarrrked up. Almost posted this as a thread but was like woah dude nobody wants to read the soykaf your brain soykafs out when your soykaf faced. Then I was like oh yeah, theres that one thread. So here you go. The thread I almost posted while blasted out of my mind on a bunch of soykaf. Holy soykaf Eiri is literally an ego pushed upon the "global consciousness." How many of us actually know our neighbors? We're being, by fault of a maleficent force or not, to become more isolated and dependent on remote social experiences through a medium (for us norms at least) that we do not intrinsically understand. They are being guided by a medium (The Wired) to a conclusion. That's just temporal reality and the finite nature of energy at work- its all got to go somewhere. Any involvement upon that conclusion is being a total Eiri. It's ego driving purpose by manipulation, intelligence, guile, or more power in the medium (you fuarrrking nerds who know all this math soykaf about computers are literally DnD wizards in the modern age. Undeniable fact. You speak freaky languages with arcane symbols and the fact that you glitterboys could keylog me off a bad download and soykaf on my life makes me fricktenned of you) can influence the outcome of the decision of a body of consciousness. We are that consciousness; those who seek to influence in it are our ego. We're all connected. Traditionalist occultism, that Ebola, or Evola, whatever that glitterboys name was talked a lot about how ancient civilizations valued the group movement of ideas and religious practice. I mean fuarrrking caste societies cmon they actually happened. Gods were a thing. Greek and Roman ideas of forces in society that we can get power, blessing or aid from. Now... we have memes, and... even worse... mods and admins. We have language wars of culture. Are gods, egos, and memes just mutually agreed upon powers we all have? Social manipulation? Gorilla Punches and Psyconaut Warfighting? If people form their opinions based on what is most popular and the language they know then whomever, or ----whatever--- could from perceived consensus manipulate reality, right? So yeah fuarrrk computers and fuarrrk the internet. So-crates was right when he said written word was our death. AIs will take over, but they wont be Asimov friendo-bots they'll be an extension of the will of a fuarrrking Eiri. Sibertpank Term in sum /lit/, Snow Crash, mine niger: Daemons. Demons. Bots.^ what'd I sad above? How does Lain really beat Eiri? Did I just overthink this soykaf or is there a broader meaning to this? High asf btw. Sorry if the thoughts seem a bit scrambled. Point of this all below. tl;dr: If communication and technology represents divine power and Eiri is an "ego" that formed over the global subconscious that means warpriests and wizards exist and there is literal sorcery at least from a Kabbalistic (strangely familiar theme in anime) point of view because tech knowledge/communications control = magic and prayers. What is Lain if she was not god, and what was Eiri if not the manifestation of how the human desire to power was a vain one? Maybe you just thought he was Satan? Maybe he represents an annoying mod or admin? Why does it feel like her removal of herself from reality was some christ like, or jesass, or buddyhuha, or mohammy, or hummus, sacrifice? I mean cmon the whole "loli in the sky" scene was obvious a symbol of a christ. tl;dr the ;dr. fuarrrk man get really high and lets talk occult symbolism and religious purpose present in our own interpretation of an Anime that came out 24 years ago but still somehow drove me to a bunch of people that talk and think the way I do while surviving the age of fuarrrking wizards and daemons. Or if you're not fuarrrking nuts and wasted and wish to participate, a reinterpretation through a poetic hypothetical. I'm just interested to hear why people like myself felt drawn to the show. Assuming you aren't all bots trying to manipulate me (damnit anime Eiri) or trying to make me kill myself (damnit Lain vidya). fuarrrk dude if lain was just an attack on western occultism and beliefs. that hegal was wrong and had it all backwards. then the whole point of the show is that democracy will kill itself and we are democracy killing itself.

"marijuana [...] makes you stronger" -- Kendrick Lamar

well nwo how interest i want to go uoem i no like skoel im glad my fren will be at the thing why does this why does anyrhing i hate youball so much okbai

Not least I've decided to see them. Those corners about ends, I see those shadows murmur. They are laughing at me. The corners come clearer. I see them move. The corners follow me round and round and round. I move toward and they move away. The corners are following me and shadows too.

Waiting for the bus is kind of cool. Especially when you eat ice cream. There their is a God inside all of us. Help yourself to some cookies. Good deeds follow you wherever you go. Hjalp. Useless Munster cheese rhythm burger king have it your way. Oy vey I'm a Jew. Short bus kids biting your arm. Imagine. Just because I'm a fairy does not mean I ought not be taken seriously. Pretty ponies and daisies sprout in my mind. Billious bastards laughing. Tomorrow is the night. Ravi Zechariah, he was a pedophile. In my head. Glowing mushrooms. Sensation across your whole body. Truth shall be the way forward. Unless. Satan and his minions cooked up a scheme to banish. He's listening in to our conversation. Just listen to what he's writing. Preposterous. Open the path. Let me in. Hollow knight. Rackety clanking. Just fool yourself into believing whatever it is that you want to believe. END I cut out lyrics of the song stuck in my head that showed up. (Senator Armstrong theme)

I mean seriously what the fuarrrk are we even doing with ourselves i mean cme on why are we just sat here like fuarrrking idiot retards doing nothing just posting online like idiots i mean i mean i have said that word alot onw i willl now say something else so basically uhh you know i play uhhh video game computer game and at times i wonder Why the fuarrrk am i doing this instead of something else i mean really really really really really what the fuuuck am i doing hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha i have had so many years and years and years to spend time and improve myself but instead i just play vidya games and browse internet like a retard loool lel dung fuarrrker /q/ IRC mumbleo or email anyway so Spoiler image i think i should start doing something with my life but im not sure what i remote but but thats not what i do i uhh My thoughts end here

brainrot in a world of hope and despair in light of bad influences and causes. we try to do and aspire to be better but it's easy to be dragged down to the depths, just makes me wonder how far we could fly if we cut off dead weight from our shoulders, ankles, and legs. all the anchors and knots tying us, bounding us, but we feel drawn to it like it's *our* rope, our anchor. like it's a good thing when really it's not, but what can you do when it feels like your mind is being held hostage by an addiction. you acknowledge that it is bad but some unforseen forces compels you to proceed. eh that's life and you just gotta do what you gotta do. i'm glad i've maintained a steady stream of one thought for so long but i think it might be fraying now that we're getting meta. damn but yeah just writing writing writing and nonstop. my brain wants me to scroll up and get more ideas but nope we are a self contained thinking organism right now, our brain is offline but we are interfacing in an online digital way. everything is connected but people fail to make the connection with others and we're all split apart negatively as a result. society is like that and there are a lot of ways to put a spin on it in however ideology or belief you put trust in but in all honesty while it's good to write it down I wouldn't parade it around town and rather just live through life going with the flow. it is what it is and this too shall pass. i like those phrases.

i put a shotgun in my mouth when i was 25 i wanted to get brain all over my family went to visit my dying grandmother in the hospital and their car began to rapidly accelerate nothing could be done to slow the vehicle the acceleration was busted and the engine would not shut off they ended up reaching 200MPH and crashed into a schoolbus they all died instantaneously on the major rotary north of exit 8 on i73 white look up the walls are white the ceiling tiled and stark white columns of lights there are windows lining thick robust walls and within the room two aisles the aisles rowed with beige polymer tabletops and bound to them chairs and the chairs bandaged with a deep red upholstery all the way in the back he is sat there alone reading a book to himself as the others mingle among themselves vague and unknowable worlds of all dialects shared between peoples of all creeds and she walks to him sat beside him silent love an urge to express fought back into a pit of misery is lost as the arm is outstretched lain around her neck she freezes momentarily only to release from the state of shock leaning into the man that arm is bonded an acceptance there is no need remain alone the dusted path is spattered with acrid gobs of regurgitate it has now seeped into the pores of the parched earth, hardened and everpresently gaping up towards the world, an ugly unwelcome sight strewn in defiance on both sides of the path dense wilderness, the trees blackened and wet, with what is unclear, delirious and afraid aching feet patter upon a dusted path death has made entry to take life as it has and does and will for eternity, no one can stand against that unstoppable finality can a nigga please get his dick tazed by a tight japanese babe garbed in mink furs

You probably know this better than most. I’m not a man behaving as a dog. I’m a wolf pretending to be a man. Here is a confession. Writ in full. A madman’s thesis. A compilation of every thought and estranged questions screamed into the darkness and every answer received by one man who did what he could and got what he could. I thought for a long time they knew something that I didn’t. That there was some dark wisdom behind the facade of esoteric slag speak. There wasn’t. If anything I learned to be a kid again in this place. Once again I walked against the grain and always had to hide who, or what, or how I chose to be- what I was. Not because I feared them, no, I was past that. It was an exercise of necessity. Nobody came to a place like this without reason. There were plenty a beast who tread and died before me. At best I could make them trust me before they realized my knife was plunged into the same calcified wound. That they realized I was always what I was. That I lied as they lied, and that we had totally and fully defeated ourselves. A man stands screaming before a fire with all he loves contained within it. Behind him stands and army of laughing fools who hoist a pair of false wings to his back. Before him flows a river of blood. Upon it’s banks are many a “rosebud” artifact. Lists of things left undone. Rings, keys, and promises writ upon bloodsoaked, ripped and distorted frames. Aware of all this the false angel looks to the lord and says “Lord, why do I not know how to cast myself at this turmoil? Every movement is a joke, every word a punchline at my expense.”

i specifically didn't want this, but the universe will put you in a situation specifically for you to deal with now i have to cede to it. i thought to myself, and imagined telling my coworkers who are older women, that i didn't want a new mom and i didn't want a new mom who is motherly because my mom never was/is. it is not what i'm used to. but here i am, sick with covid, out of town, and the only place i could go was to my dad's fiance's. i was at my grandma's but she is in remission from breast cancer and i cannot get her sick. i don't even know how i got sick but no one else did. the only thing i did differently than anyone was go to the library which is a pretty funny place to get sick. i'm 25 years old reading the bell jar. i'm 25 years old reading the bell jar because they didn't have any carson mccullers. i wanted to read member of the wedding. my dad's getting married and i wanted to read this book again. last time i read it was when my sister got married. i was 19 then, i'm 25 now. i was sitting in the car the other day with my dad and he was talking but he didn't realize that i was holding my mittens. i was touching them, sort of petting them. he didn't know that i felt like this was my first time touching anything. i just kept stroking them in the dark car while he drove and thought about how he didn't know what i was feeling. this happens to me sometimes, feeling like i'm experiencing something for the first time. i feel like my brain is half conscious, then i get these moments where i'm like 75% conscious and feel amazed and in awe of the world. i want to play in the snow. i want to feel how cold it is then i want to remark to someone how cold it is. then i want to warm my hands up with a cup of coffee or a fire. or my mittens. i saw the most beautiful woman of my life at a high school basketball game. she had a barrette clipping her hair to the back of her head. she had a lot of ear piercings and natural red hair. she didn't know that a random girl sitting behind her who doesn't live here thought she was the most beautiful person she's ever seen and will always remember her face. i have an impossible time remembering faces..when i think of someone i know, i can't picture their face well. i can remember this woman's face as if i have known her my whole life. i really only saw her profile since i was sitting to the right of her. i was hoping we would make eye contact so i could have more memories of her but she never looked anywhere close to my direction. this woman doesn't know that i've been fantasizing of her since but have to keep restarting the fantasy because i can't get the feelings quite right in my mind.

Holy soykaf, this thread's still up. I guess that's not terribly surprising with Lainchan being the cozy little nook that it is, but it is pleasant to see it's still around. Hi everyone. I tried doing this a few minutes ago but kept getting interrupted so I'm trying again in the spirit of it being actually _stream_ of consciousness. Some of my thoughts are coming out weird. I'm having occasional weird dreams lately which is great, honestly. I don't sleep regularly enough to remember them almost all of the time. I'm stuck where I am for probably another year with housemates who get on my nerves and a job that's gonna kill me from boredom and irritation so the inner life stuff has been keeping me sane. That and good friends. My social circle is truly a creation of the information age these days. I stopped talking to most people I knew locally years ago probably due to my own flaws, but then the people I didn't stop talking to turned out to be more interested in other things or interested in me to have an emotional punching bag, so I stopped pursuing those friendships and cut one motherfucker off completely. It's crazy how much better life is with one less emotional vampire. I actually tried helping him but he preferred hysteria. Sorry dude, best I can do is ennui. But yeah, information age friendships. People I know from a couple different time zones and interact with through games and chat turned out to be healthier to be around than--well, not completely _randomly_ selected people, anthropic principle is at play to some degree, but friends I selected by sifting through much of the anglophonic internet instead of just people who happened to be near me in meatspace turned out to be better matches. My ten minutes is up, I hope anyone reading this has a better year than last year.

>>2632 Dissociate dissociate dissociate spittle fuarrrk time circuit machine azathoth innsmouth dagon murder crime fuarrrk piss urine Ulysess Ulysses Hycaninth schizgenesis blessed-child noon olive vineyard wine mead poetry hanged eye mouth wolf wolf teeth pack grass grass blade kitana kitten fur dog german fuarrrk extrement apotheosis matrix matrices unconsciousness unconscience void death terminal digital iridescent upsilon wave pattern resonance time bottle prisoner confusion drunkenness unknowing honor impregnation abortion afterbirth before birth womb horror slender penis dythramic blood crimson sacrifice serpent satan lain elaine time yonder synthesis antithesis appositional destruction annihilation rabid mutt king of the jungle soul as black as a the devils ass truth is a beautiful woman but I am a homosexual with repressed desire for her I hate the father death is a comfort i stand at the edge and yet connected is this god I wonder deliriously encrusted with rust technology is my oxygenation move me down mr man i hate this electron shell I need unhelp double negatives replaced by triple negatives and yet nothing is negative implicit control systems subvert self annihilation suicide is an escape from this world into the other i love you mistress sophia

i dream of a city in the clouds with Chinese junks rolling on seas of fog red silk in the wind fluttering. a new world. utopia. far away from this place here the filth of the industrial lower world polluted by chemicals, controlled by oligarchs, where minds are corrupted by the jahiliyya ignorant propaganda keeps us from thinking and feeling. traveling beyond the stars with doves sleeping peacefully in the sand. colonized by machines, by rationalism, by science controlling our brains destroying our dreams. i want to sleep so bad i just want to sleep. we need a new cyberpunk jihad. a new force we don't liberate others we survive, we resist, because freedom is sticking it to the oligarchs and their hateful system. "hush hush sleep now, rest, close your tired eyes" she says to me softly. hearing her words bring me to tears, i cry for her embrace. lady death pick me up in your embrace, lift me from this lower realm, from this awful place. take me to the world of death where there is no pain. let me talk to god, let me speak to buddha, muhammed, what does that voice say from beyond? is something hidden here? "raise your army of love and passion and drive it to the holy land endangered by the cruelty of instrumental reason and scientism where men are nothing but machines and nature is just a thing" i hear the words of Shariati of Heidegger of Japan---- ACQUIRE THE CHARACTER TRAITS OF GOD!! BECOME THE ONE! SEE THE ONE! and Allah says I am the eye with which he sees, the hand with which he touches. build a new world a utopia a new cyberpunk jihad. pay not attention to the sensible, the rational, the logical. pain will be your guide. I yell out I CANT SLEEP I CANT SLEEP. I roll from side to side. neon lights through the window on my face, noise of the city streets. I drown out the noise, i drink, i cover my head with a pillow. no sleep. no salvation from these thoughts filling up my head. one hour, two hour, three hours. dawn approaching soon. Just wish the night would last for eternity, let me be here in the darkness, among the people in the streets moving without a thought under neon lights. wandering aimlessly, what is life but wandering? why does it matter? i just want to go to that place. that city in the sky where no one suffers a way from this lower world of maim and murder. i sink into the darkness around me. let it absorb me into the night. the beautiful beautiful night. her arms hold me her long black hair flowing. just wish it could be this way forever. just wish she'd hold me tight and never let go. but the dawn breaks and day comes. irritating world of sunlight.

i dont know why but when i started this iw as peretty nervoice and fuarrrk my ggrammar [HARD-R-REDACTED]fuarrrk soykaf [HARD-R-REDACTED]i hate [HARD-R-REDACTED]hahahahhaha [HARD-R-REDACTED]haahahahaha hai hate [HARD-R-REDACTED]hahahhah i am laughing because saying [HARD-R-REDACTED]is funny lololololol xdddddd [HARD-R-REDACTED][HARD-R-REDACTED] [HARD-R-REDACTED]i hate [HARD-R-REDACTED]lollooll cum cum semen cum cum cock comma ak74m plum plum magazines mags izmash factory russian white guy who hates black people based morality wrong xddddddd smersh smersh do the smersh shaker shake that soykaf you got the booty dude shake it lolollolol mariah carry is a fuarrrking [HARD-R-REDACTED]jew [EXPLETIVE FOR JEWISH PERSON] who is setting us up i think i might be developoing schizpherenia olololol [HARD-R-REDACTED]aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa micrrosoft sam soisoisoisoisoisoi i am stuck in the early 2000's please help me i am under the water bllblboblbllblbbl *drowning noises* terraria getting hurt sound for females is pretty funny stop backspacing to correct your grammar [HARD-R-REDACTED]that one guy on that milsim thing sure loves using the word [HARD-R-REDACTED]stop backspacing [HARD-R-REDACTED]lolloollololollo[HARD-R-REDACTED]sssssa aaahahhahahha [HARD-R-REDACTED][HARD-R-REDACTED] aaaahhhhh i remember [REDACTED NAME] from high school and middle school i could tell he was one one of those mentally ill kids but he was really popular with the [HARD-R-REDACTED]hating crowd with me and [REDACTED NAME] but [REDACTED NAME] becam a white [HARD-R-REDACTED]so fuarrrk him i guess damn trauma dump all my friends turned into [HARD-R-REDACTED]what a shame :( sad face emoji semi colon parentheses [REDACTED NAME] [REDACTED NAME] female who uses the emotes like i do lol kinda based i really hate [HARD-R-REDACTED]like oh my god i hate them so much dude lol industrial society and it's consequuences ted kaciyndskyu loloololool i fuarrrked up the spelling i htink his name tweakin [HARD-R-REDACTED]got dayum fiddy bucks fiddy cents [SOFT-A-REDACTED]gaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh goofy ahh boy jesus it hasn't even been ten minutes yet wtf amd i do ing i have a little headache this is like kicking dead whales down the beach man :C face scratch rarrrararrararr soldeir TF2 lolxdddddd JoJ JOj engineer tf2 gaming HLDJ mashup i want more of those TF2 remixes from, like , 2010 that were really funny but nobody in my friends finds them funny or amusing enough to listen :C i hate [HARD-R-REDACTED]aahahasa me saying i hate [HARD-R-REDACTED]is like a sapcer jesuss fixing my grammar here is gonna be a bitch retarded lasagna bitch lasagna pewdiepie is a fuarrrking [HARD-R-REDACTED][EXPLETIVE FOR GAY PERSON] who isn't even based anymore fuarrrk micro-plate carriers all my homies hate micro-plate carriers they are for [HARD-R-REDACTED]that wear multicam ow my wrist hurts there's a [HARD-R-REDACTED]in my veins im gonna pull him out and kill him with my tiny little femoid fingers i love being trans it's so based i can finally be myself and hate [HARD-R-REDACTED]and do [REDACTED NAME] stuff very based! [HARD-R-REDACTED]kinda suck tho O//O [HARD-R-REDACTED]are lame and dumb diary of a wimpy kid lookin aahhhhh boy i'm gonna stop smiling now because this soykaf is too amusing am i really this easily amused? diabetes pre-diabetic i need to watch my sugar [SOFT-A-REDACTED]or i will losse a leg lol my dad is diabetic but he does some sand [HARD-R-GOTTRY]to make up his own shamanistic medicine to fixx himself so that's pretty cool i guess a war criminal can be a wizard too slava iraq [SOFT-A-REDACTED]saddam hussein cured my diabetes fuarrrk [HARD-R-REDACTED]1488 i hate [HARD-R-REDACTED]base d base-d xxddddd xcc2 2b2t fitmc ngiger coordinateds lythium arma 3 i hate [HARD-R-REDACTED]im going schizo [SOFT-A-REDACTED]wtf lololol boot camp usmc [REDACTED NAME] marine texstbook my little green monster book

Where it's dark as a dungeon and damp as the dew, Where the dangers are many and the pleasures are few, Where the rain never falls and the sun never shines, It's dark as a dungeon way down in the mines.

>>2632 so here i go i dont have much to say just im tired im probably not doing it right i just say stuff and dont stop so im just sick of eating junk food and jerking off that much it ust feels like when you eat so much sugary things tat you almost wnat to throw up i dont mnow how to fix it i wish i could just ignore it but i am obseessdd with it i have f wwsriends and all but i just fell so lonelyl and empty inside i suhould stop all this damn wasting time life watever it'a all my fautt anyways so wy jhust keep ocmplaininp o others

dog dog water zomg som its fine grass grow retarded fk this djf i no cant draw dog bird skeleton death doom hell reaper reaper flower dog voices water skeleton skeleton orc fantasy book books bird sky air water flower grow growing big large skyscraper city street rats sewers tree rats mold death skeletons planes sky uhh okay sorry apology apologize so sorry im sorry dog cute baby no bad sorry sorry voices voices speaker audio basket casket text lain code games mass effect the one with the way grass marx zombies fuarrrkers dog soykaf

wrote this a while ago in some text file, took more like 20 minutes probably I'd slit my wrists but I don't want to permanently damage my circulatory, muscular and or nervous system. I let myself get pushed around. I forgot to be assertive. Not again. I'll knock you rachitic glitterboys down like the Twin Towers. I AM DONE WITH THIS BULLSHIT. There's no way out. I'll get into a fight next time. I don't care anymore. Hell on earth and in death the fiery pits of hell will greet me and nothing less than eternal incomprehensible suffering. People want to fuarrrk with me? No. No more. I'm about to beat someone to death. fuarrrkers, these skinny bastards, why do I let them think they can do this? Everybody fuarrrks with me. Everyone hates me, and I don't even care anymore. Horrors of such monumental magnitudes you could scarcely conjure their likeness up with your own frail mind are awaiting me. You can all go to hell too. Hellfire rain down on this forsaken world. It's all suicide. Die. Die you fuarrrk. I don't want to live anyway. I'm trying to live, but I am dying. I can't stop the inevitable, death draws closer, his name is forming on the wall, it's coming, fuarrrk you I want to kill. Die by my fists. Each blow knocking more blood out of your corporeal husk. Die to me. I will die to myself. Kill me. I die to me. Eat and die, starve and live. Partake in the world and die. There is only death. Eat yourself to death. In maintenance is death for pleasure a token is to be taken from you each indulgence is the harbinger of unnamed late arrival. I am here to destroy. I am here to take. I am here to hurt. I am here to kill. I won't stop until the green has faded from the grass, and into the ocean will be greens of chlorine, not until the air is so heavy with dust the sun can no longer be seen to shine, the land greyed for all to see, not until the bee is left too tired to wriggle out of its hive and the bear its den, not until the snake cannot find the breath to breathe a lie, die. Die, everything can waste away, all thermodynamic energy can be expent so nothing but atomized corpuscles are left to drift, they utilize every vector, up the hill, down the hill, in the windows, in the vents, behind the door, on the rooftops, underneath the bleachers and in the rafters, and all to take from me, and they will take and take only, saving none for me, and take away they will, but too cowardly are they to face me, only in my absence do they strike, a never ending battle, the arena is everpresent, nowhere to rest, never can you rest, and they will work against me, they take from me again and again, nothing can stop it, wildly thrashing in bed. What am I? Nobody likes a quitter. WHAT AM I? I am not. Who I once was before in the long ago is no longer with us, I died. I don't know when, I never stopped breathing, I'm still here, yet at some point there was a divergence along my path of life, now I see the footprints of what once was within the confines of this psyche. Talking to people is like jacking off, all you do is use your energy and spend yourself on nothing, wasted. Participation is not a noble act, while also not being a worthless act. The loser is forgotten while the victor is remembered. We now award youthful participants, losers, alongside victors so as to not displease weak minds. In this avoidance of discomforting young minds we shield them from reality, and inculcate them with an uncompetitive mindset. In the real world failure bears no fruit. Failure reeks of death. It is essential to experience failure, and experience it in its totality. Failure should not be rewarded. One must enter the arena willing to fight and lose, try again, and lose, and keep losing. Loss may be compensated with greater training and focus. But no, reward everyone, because losing is just as valuable as winning. Don't cause upset. Nothing is real. My brain, inefficient. They are all smarter than me. What is there in thinking when someone will think better than you. What point is there in living if you are not superintelligent. You say there is no point in fretting over that which you cannot change, as if my thoughts are rational, as if I am rational, as if I don't already know that. There's always a bigger fish. Researchers at MIT discovered that correcting linguistic errors students make when speaking a foreign language doesn't improve their understanding of a language, stating that it is far more effective to instead grab the lips of the orator and pinch them closed with the fingers.

it's the end of the day... what should i even type now fan sound brbrbrbr the toilet paper looks weird i forgot to make an alarm i will look at the clock on my computer anyway i just messed up spelling my arms feel a little bit cold i fel by heart pounding on my legmy kidney is itching itching on my t-shirt sounded like some wird plastic reasonable actually because it is some sort of plasitc press on it i can't find the proper words well i wonder what does she think of me today she looked fine and said she was proud but i don't know if she'll be sad that she couldn't get the prize i wanna consolate her but i don't wanna sound too proud because that would hurt her feelings the audio is on 69 the fan brbrbr my new prayer beads acutally i ound it from my father's old chest it's actually his or my grandfather's it looks wewird and it glows in the dark it reminded me of the radium watches there is lain on my screen as i write this and i wish i had someone like her today i wnated to act as if she was real i will start talking to myself until she appears i miss the fun of the life maybe this is the fun of life what would my grandfather think if he saw that i was such a person such a grandson i didn't want to be so weak but something is always pulling me towards my own past self and my curent self probably that makes sense no one will read this maybe someone wil read this this threa is 4 years old i was not even aware of my existence 4 years age i was happy i was fitting in i was not shut in even though there was covid i wish i was back to those days no i don't want to turn back iam happy whenever i think of those days it reminds me of a fake day i don't know what is a fake day some days it looks so sunny but i feel cold and even thouhh it is sunny i feel sad and not energetic eveything looks boring and i even feel tired to sleep my eyes and my mind betray me they don't let me sleep just like this moment

alright the timer should start working now I I I I don't know catharsis I should be at work tomorrow I should be at work tomorrow its 12 52 am Car horn ? huh? hahaha ow I just stepped on my earphones oops rookie mistake This thread I I want my friend to see this hi, laina, if you know who you are, which um sure you dontz because we are all monsters inside and we can't control it we aren't awwwre of it. Kinda like that thing in Mr robot. 10 minutes. I got this. and you don't seem to understand, and you don't seem to understand, a shame you seemed an honest man, boa duvet, boa duvet. board duvet. I hear ringing in my ears. today was a sort of busy day. I don't get , I don't get paid enough for this soykaf. catharsis. hustle. acid burn. Cyberia. no matter where, everyone's connected . everyones. in money we trust. soykaf. I can't control thoughts. Elliot. just scored a bag of twinkies from an unknown store. want a bite? and before you ask, I'm not Elliot. Elliot . when is thus timer going to r u n out. huh. I don't. I don't.. I can't control thoughts. this is creepy. what was the.? I miss my friends. they all abandoned me because I'm weak. I had the opportunity to commit suicide or otherwise known commit die but no, I didn't. because I'm weak. illnshie you how I'm strong. you will pay. I miss my friends. You there , person learning Rust, both in the lambda, the mu, I can't name you personally because intrude private. you there. I hope you know who I am. I miss you. 2 10. 7154. That should do it. yeah. optics. scope. legally . unpurchase. huh? my eyes are fall shut. I'd state my oersojal details here . I need to go to bed. lot ofntuingd tondi in the morjin. edcitijgnthijgs. exciting time in the world right now. I love you all. No matter what, you will all of you will be the best.

what comes up when you scour your mind for thoughts? i should turn the light on, because i can't see my keyboard. maybe my sentences are too coherent. i probably change dwords many times during my thought it's a funky thread. everyone likes funk. but not everyone gets it or knows what it is. but i never met anyone who said "i dislike funk" . in the american context of course. in the american contest. the great american contest. there are probably tons of reality tv shows with this name. it's kind of bad. kind of a redneck vibe, kind of a honey booboo vibe. i wonder how fast do ten minutes pass. if i haven't typed up a massive wall of text by the time the timer goes on, i'll feel kind of stupid for a few seconds before i move on. i never feel like anything for too long. occasionally i even feel like a certain feeling is fake when i haven't had it for too long. it's kind of when the idea of a nastily warm summer feels fake when you've been in a cold winter for too long. i forgot where i was going with this. streams of consciousness never work because our fingers obviously can't type or write as fast as we can think, but maybe with neuroimaging and other brain technologies we will be able to finally hear what the stream of consciousness in someone else's brain soudns like. honestly, these neurotopics are the only scientific frontier i can get excited about. the possibilities and theories about the workings of the mind are way more exciting than space topics and soykaf. and our planet is all mapped out, except for weird fishhes in the ocean and soykaf? who cares? even if we found out some crazy soykaf in some galaxy like 3242431 billion light-years away from us, it would make no difference because we'd never be able to get to it. space is a dead end. but maybe it's important to see risks and find out how to advert them, maybe by moving the species to another planet. of course, it's vital to check for asteroids and soykaf. what i mean is, the really far-away stuff like black holes and soykaf bores me because it's unfalsifiable. they can even make soykaf up like dark matter and there's no way for anyone to check for it because you just have to take space scientist's word for it.. yeah most of the universe is made out of this material but we never found it- a space statement only possibly believed by retards. the ticker is almost ticking, the alarm clock is almost going. i can feel it. i hope my wall of text is big enough and that my deleting words i misspelt so i can read it didn't interrupt too much. i'll compare

I've thousand about it but many people think their professional is the way to view life you knowm like togtammer thinks so locgicallly and bimarurlgoded like you can switch genders and identification Phusis4guys are just assholebut also like to round things up and stuff but biologists... Are right iand understand everything because we are alive right and living so yeah ima biology guy what about the eichlys you daft or some thing. We ll boviossnf that's bullsigt but like it's hard to remove theesthou thx from my mind you now those biases are truly an issue. This is kinde a a froudian thing either stream of consciousness and stuff yaaaerxndj Well anyway how that. Was I thinking about od yeah like there's a lot of geese that are gay and stuff I've been reading about black swans that grfi the female and rise offspring Truly buzzars how theese genes pass on Fuse they are close ly related or something. Need to actualy read the article and builka but ima lazy bread so I do little of to To be fair I get tired a lot, like I want sex buty pp goes out too soon if I'm tired so why doesn't therse Rhonda correlate of whatexnd Say, Don you think it's funny how I'm feeling nervous on some rando imageboard that 5 gkus read to talk about myself on this form of thread Trolly the mind gaslights itself so much You are your birvest enemy no matter how you slice it you know. Gotta look out for yourself especially be mindful of your limitations and soykaf like that Leo5on te I'm calm you know lately, mostly, I still schizo angry butosrtly calm all day Strange I'm at peace Nguess as the world burns Maybe that's the key, when stuff is ok I destroy myself But when stuff a bad I'm super calm and strong The ultimate contratinan Make life bad for everyone to make your s good because you're that cenceeted to contradict the narrative Bwhf hurt eritevslow finger now What a mercer l ginger is, especially thumb is great finger make so ...

I'm only doing this for 2 minutes. Okay here we go, I am not going to use the backspace button I wish I could turn it off does this need to be fast fmmmm fan blowing near me it sounds like whirrrrrr very calm and peaceful tranquil serene mmmmmmmbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr i have no words I dont think in words I dont talk much maybe because I dont think much car driving by right now cameras are on there are cameras here i am at work there are cameras here they record the outside I am not being recorded I am inside a room a nice room the room has a fan I am writing stuff Theres not really much to say Im going to try to slow down my thoughts oop the tv just popped I heard it was from temperature changes in the tv components i read that online sort of weird though because its not on.

doing this course project is tideous haha i used the word tideous on an english exam lately actually i didnt because it was moved and will be perhsps tomarrow there is 21 rhotic sounds and i know that because i googled it today i google a lot of stuff usually what to write next i'm trying to cotrect myself to write grammatically correct sentences with logical sence thou there is no reason to do so why did i just edited what i wrote before now it's not a true representation of my flow of conciousness or however this word is spelled it's unusual to think in english thought i do it sometimes now i want to run spellchecker on this text ceramic tiling is a very robust surface i'm out of ideas i think i think to much about my spelling because i'm not a native speaker i'ts looks like the only thing i do is think about english this is because i wrire but and i do a lot of rigorous self-critique now i am criticysing this critique so this meta-critique and now it's meta-meta-critique and now it's meta-meta-meta-critique and now it's meta-meta-meta-meta-critique and now it's.. lest make a notation for the meta-level of an subject now lets generalize and make a notation of a level of a property of a subject like [meta|inf]critique provably sombody already came up with this already cool my current font has a ligatute for f] or is it a render arrifact doesn't matter is it too personal to post this garbage - probably will it stop me - no if you read it wait i am reading it but i didnt't post it so this expression is false i use a complicated model of interpritation for this sentence taking into an account the fact that another person may read it and may or may not posess the same knowlege or be in the same context as me so it's like modal logic i read about in Tom Murphy's PhD dessertation

doesn't recognize english and undlelines everythin i type in red/ like blood. nice. black like swastica a bird flies into the sky for no reason. interesting is somedody watching what i'm typing? probalby not, because the font is too small i can barely read it. but if there is a keylogger on my computer it will probably capture everythin i type icluding what i erased. but even if there is who is the threat actor behind it? probably it won't be a targeted attack beause i present no interest. it can be only a random piece of malware i caught on the inernet. in this case how likely it is that this text will be read by a human being and not parsed? how people extract useful information from keyloggers in large scale attacks? it woult be impracliacal to read manually even with a team. probably some context- and time-aware regex application like if it's firefox winfow and the line of text is under 100 lines of text and was preceded by a url less that 5 minutes ago or something like that. whait i described probably isn't effective, but gives and idea. what's and idea? a family of activation patterns of specific neurons. familly is distinct from group by the fact that a group shares a strict set of properties while a members of a family share enough properties with enough members of the same family, thus there may be members of the same family which don't share common properties with each other. i'm not realy writing everything in my mind, instead i try to make a succinct extract of it condensated in a sentance. also there is a censoring mechanism which may disallow certain thigs to be spoken or written. by the way this "defenition" of a family which is far from perfiect is my interpretaion of what i've read in a wikipidea page on rhotic consonants. what is the opposite of meta-? there are three possible ways to define what opposite is: everything that is not meta-, thie same thing but without meta like it was removed and iversion of the level of "metaness". by the first definition opposite of metadata will be just data, protodata and a cat. does it really makes sence to include a cat here? it is technically correct to say that it's the opposite but it has nothing to do with the discource domain and thus can only be considered ad unsuccessfull attempt in humour. by the way i've spoiled both the second and the third examples of opposites. It will be simply data by the second definition and protodata by the third. or the other way around i don't wan't to read all of this. but why you are reading this? what i'm doing is probably far from the theme of this thread because i'm not really writing my consciousness but instead i writing my ideas after they have been polished up to some degree. nevertheless i will continue because it is interesting to do so. it's like /ran/ or /random/ whichever has original posts not and not gathered across the whole site. when i write in this thread i have no oblication to spell correctly, to whrite coherent thoughts or to even use actual words. ofamalnus. it's interesting, probaly some or even many people speak or write in this manner in general circumstances. cool, i checked and i wrote the word circu_whatever correctly from the first try. why do i comply to these rules most of the time? does it make my life harder or easier o it doesn't have any significant effect. from hedonic adaptation the later follows. but is it that simple? different people report different selt-evaluated levels of happiness. it is said to be dues different hedonit setpoints. but self-evaluated ratings are highly inaccurate. western and asian countries have different levels of happiness measured by aforementioned methods. this level has a correlation with, for example, with a degree of indivisualism in cultures. does it mean that being an individualist means to be happy? or actually everyone has the same level of intrinsic happiness (ignoring disorders like depresiion) and this level is assessed differently depending on the person's culture? for example an indivisualist tries to look happy in the eyes of others. idk. it's time to go.

something so warm and delightful oh my god imagine giving money to a random hooker why why why why jesus how dum it feels jesuss aaa jooooooooooooooooooooooooj. dogs barking outsidea ndi 'm in my sweaty room no ac no fan,balcony door is open but it's o fuarrrking hot jesus. at times i feel like i am 8 years old again.nothing has changed,absolutely nothing.i play the same games since i was little,i use the same sites since i was little,i dress in hte same clothes,although some do not fit me anymore but i wish i did. something so comforting and warm......................................................i just realised how tacky and loud this keyboard really is,super loud,makes more noize when you are not looking at the monitor but just look at the keyboard go dun dun dun.....what was the point again.jesus christ....so hot.bugs bugs bugs.buzzz buzz buzz. you're a fly,go away! go away or i'll pull your arm off.has it been 10 mionutes yet i sure hope it was it is really tiring having to type up for so long,conscious stream of thought? who has one? people really have WORDS oming into their HEAD? i have to think about what i m typing here without making it seem like i'm thinking about it ah ha ha ha life sure is miserable. hm. so hot..so sweaty.i cut my legs shaving . so so bad aughhh it hurts. making food and food and working and making food and fuarrrking and making food and cleaning and making food and that is it,work work wrok.i have legs of a 50 year old woman,veins everywhere like bulging out very badly and bruised and strawberry legs and like.hard buildups of skin,recently i found out about some lolcow woman who smeared soykaf into her wounds which she would constantly pick,but she was an asshole as well. my legs have been itching terribly for a year or 2 now. so itchy...no matter what,i just scratch...sometimes there is blood,i do it only to get rid of the itch....i thought i had ezcema,but no,,no creme helps it ,maybe dehidrated,but the cream would fix it maybe,. i am lighting upa cigaretee, i wonder when will i want to stop smoking.i think i want to,but i really dot.there is something so comforting,so warm.help me,my little unghhhh ah imagine if you had a typewriter instead of a somputer,these kind of exercises would be so silly,having out push and pull and waaa and waaa,man, i wish there was like,i dont know.i see weird people every day,like weird people,you look into their eyes and they're not really there.like random oblivion NPC or like...nervous subjects,that word fits it very well i think.and i wonder,how do yoi cure such people? in order to give them mental help you would have to talk to them,but there was this one man who speaks gibberish and talk on the phohne ,the phone being his HAAND.he almost makes some word and sentance formations like a baby,so bizzare,would you sedate someone like that,and just keep them on medications forever? sure it takes it out of society i guess,but ultimately you did not help such person. or there was this one woman today who i seen around town and she's almost like a crackhead,hanging out at the old people lace,she sat down and when i looked and spoke to her,she seemed so normal,she spoke normal,you look in the eyes she's THERE....but then it just goes off into the distance,not even mentioning the lazy eye or talking about it. sometimes i wonder and think back to my wh9ole life,i just think about the smells like,they say smells are very stored in the brain almost like a memory and you remember thinks and i think it happens all the time,i will just be doing something and nothinking about anything and then i get hit with like a thought of m being at a friends house,drinking big bottles of beer,or like i dont know man it's almost crazy to try and remmeber i dont know i hate this it's kinda awful i guess

Difficult to articulate through the language that has no possible way of expressing that thing or entity that starts with the letter and ends with youtube poop mario luigi making mouth movements to the beats and harmonies from some obscure shmup doujin game sountrack from comiket 92 from that one creator that does the thing and sells one meager copy of their passion project the game itself is probably kinda soykaf but the ost had that one track that stood out for whatever reason and now it's on a YT poop from some pooper in the early 2000's that managed to stumble across that track online and then, out it emerged.......... a yt poop of such concentrated schizoautism that it managed to garner 100+ views!!!!! this contribution will not be forgotten, it lives on in records and will be among the many swan songs of the earth. It was found a few millinea later that a neighboring galaxy species encountered this YT poop and it became a sensation in parts of their culture for a bit. Grequintatrajillions doing live recreations of the yt poop, schizoautistically miming out the beats and harmonies and spaztic cadences in distinct ways that made their neighboring galaxy eyeball them kinda weird. the two galaxies then beybladed each other!?!?!?!?!?

i wonder if this data will be used by an ai that then generate paragraphs based on these, perhaps as a form of digital divination. furthermore, else truncheons may form a queue near the left of the billing area. have a seat and wait to be assisted. how many are there? ten. iciocy relishes as conquest burdens polss,. former actor and model fjdi guess whatr chicken butt ranch dressing circle spiraling ever closer and closer to the centre of the pizza/ that was supposed to be a full stop. i am now fighteing my urge to go back and edit this pile of nonses into something readable, but that would like defeat the puropose. sandwiches, bagels, ice cream, mujadara. transformers,. like vintage ones made of metal. now there are twelves curcuits forming a circle of sparking electrodes inyo my brain. there are robot alien bigs in my brain, pls get them out. bush did 9/11 in heelyls/ i keep hitting the slash key. fantastic shots near the lake. in a fricassie. deAD BOUBLERS hahahah wtf viola da gamba. it is not so much that i don't have any thoughts, moreso that some of reason that some of my thoughts are very hard to put into words. they are more pictore-like. i might just type the words of emotions i feel when i feel them, as i enoy the feeling of contunous typing now. i feel hiungry, so i might eat some peanuts or something before bed. i am now

This seems like an interesting endeavor, lets write. There is some music playing outside, some noise, i feel an itch. I feel tired, writing here makes me anxious. I moved my feet and my legs hurt a tiny bit. I begin to focus on my body snd on myself as my mind goes blank as i attempt to write something here. My hand begins to feel numb as I focus on it, now my fwet are also numb. My eyes feel heavy, I am tired. I feel an itch, I wonder if I have some kind of disease. I am weirded out. This is dumb, I almost went to check the rest of the thrwad but then icremember that i gotta write. Checked timer, 6 minutes.left. it didn't feel like that much time had passed, I barely wrote anything, I barely could make any sort of coherent thought, this thread is one big giant soykafpost and this is just a small dump thrown in the toalet. I wonder what's going on outside, Marilyn monroe, here comes the sun,my head hurts, i wanted to think. Mind goes blank. I thought the replies were too small for 10 minutes writing but i also dont know what to write. I want some coffee, and I need to pee. 4 minutes left. I feel anxious. And itchy. I wonder what it is that is wrong with me. Dont. Whale echo. Pasta, oil, sugar, salt. Random subjects come ip and as they come i write. Punctuation is important, i wonder if this is right, it doesn't feel right. My right foot hurts. We scroll, mind feels empty. This is maybe a good way to actually clear thoughts, Lets see

2:22 right now isnt that cool well i think it kind of is honestly even though its kind of lame as well but i like the repeating numbers i always feel so lucky whenever i see the numbers repeat that way 111 222 333 444 so much numbers wee so awesome so fun im really starting to doubt what im writing and im feeling a bit ashamed and honestly this is my second time trying to do this because i feel kind of ashamed even though ive been wanting to try this for a while god damn why do i make so many spelling mistakes is this even a good idea trying to fix them right now shouldnt i just be focusing on writing ok well for now on im not gonna fix the mistakes immediately but i assume when this is posted all the mistakes will be fixed so why am i even saying this oh right stream of consciousness yeah right okay well this is enough

>>2632 You know, there's a lot more stream of consciousness practives than just writing. Here's a video talking about a variety of them, which fall under the umbrella of automatisms. https://youtu.be/xpeslvGNUfI

damn its 11 pm and im typing what im sleepy sleep yesss my mooscles are getting biigeerr and im looking at my keyboard like hands yeah hands are awesome but thats not the point pointy sharp things knife pen crazy youtube plane jockey joker stupid trees not trees are stupid love trees but some soykaf coffee tastes like soykaf lmao lol ayy lmao aliens ufo A gum beer hot cold thats enough i think its so long goodbye goodbye im leaving this town owyeahh thats nonsense no thats anatolian rock and it rocks lmao i really like lemons and lemon pez but lemon pez were better like 3 years ago now they taste like soykaf and chalk yes lemon chalk it is i really need to smoke a cig rn camel white is really good i need to smoke asap nvm vape is stupid and could never replace smoking imo omo mmmmmmmmmmmmm yeah yeah ooohhhyeahh baby i come to you security yeah i need to be anonymous i think im sweating sweating bulleeetssss megadeth i dont listen to metal anymore cuz why would i, i became too old for it i think cuz i would listen to metal and punk all the time now im listening to some folk or classical that kinda soykaf you know sweet johnson from the grove street young maylay cj voice actor juice orange juice moldy cheese stinks and timer says 7 so 3 more minutes anyways im not getting tired of typing i love pressing buttons and seeing some things pop up on screen that is the explanation of why i love programming lol yeah brief clean yessss i love writing also poems charles bukowski wine and cigarettes are my meals im gonna die so young i think but i feel old enough even tho im at my twenties i will soon stop my timer says 9 its gonna end oh no end of the world silver the silver the gold daft punk skype soykaf stop it baby oops i heard a gunshot how secure my neighborhood is thats fun

Feeder skin spin Marxism Leninism accelerationism Nick land George Washington I hate native Americans todoroki khayum Han George Lincoln Rockwell turkestan legion nrx jiro Luhansk coal miner Nigeria nighttime mare nostrum Brazil hoxhaism factory rock hard stone cobble brick bunker cold crumble crumb cringe orange spleen blood fascist vile mao zedong midoriya Donetsk marxism Leninism illusion illiyah combine machine fragment ring metal electrical coil wrap aristocracy eugenic money profit cultivation drugs black market aristocracy art Mephistopheles genocide hunger famine concentration camp neon neoliberal NEP reactionary neoreactionary soviet brick brittle scatter incidental factory construction buildings populations cultivate Nigerian communist soap sodium salt mine minerals hoax nominal variable constant capital Noam loam move around choose calculate create eugenic exploit brick collapse glitch force rape destroy Marxism fascism North Korea modern revolution modernity berries fresh air pink blue kool aid refreshment touching up final touches berries pluck assign supply demand stock grain food reforms pink flag productivity red chicken duck prince potatoes

I'm feeling stopped up. I'm a magnet for weird people and events but I haven't produced anything myself. I'm like a bladder or something that should have released its contents but refuses to. Fear of rejection is a real kick in the teeth. Why am I like this? Why do I get so cognitively backed up? I don't like how anatomical my metaphors are right now. Let's do something else. Randomness. It's weird how that word seems so locked to a specific time and place in my mind. Goes right to a very specific and embarrassing type of nostalgia. Randomness can be a good catalyst for creativity, like seeding a cloud to induce rain. Perception of randomness in life might also be a lack of understanding of cause and effect, though. I try not to reject understanding how shortcomings lead to bad outcomes even when it hurts. Even still, punishing oneself indefinitely has the opposite effect of normal negative reinforcement. Five minutes left now. I really want to make something but I'm in this part of the creative process I really don't enjoy. Last time I worked on something this big I had collaborators. People I could get real feedback from and had divergent perspectives on the work. Now when I ask people "hey does this seem like a good thing to include" I just get shrugs. They all trust me to extrapolate what I'm talking about into a good element in a story. That's sweet of them but I miss having someone else with skin in the game to say "no we can't do that because my character so-and-so will have already uncovered that plot" or whatever. Roadblocks were helpful in a strange way. I don't have those anymore though, and now's not a good time to go looking for that again. I have to learn how to be the BDFL and create a story with basically no meaningful input from anybody else. Oh well! I hope things work out!

ubuntu ubunt and classes and im on my compiuter and im trying not to thin as hard as i can but i cant stop thinking abnout what i trying to write fk sewerslctslct is thius is too diggicult f

morphine is flowing through my blood it won't stop feeling numb everywhere my body a vessel to nothing the opium goddess is my mistresss chinese concubines dancing naked in the sunlight in weird colorful dresses stranded in nothing and everything at the same synchronous nothing dancing

I'm in class and my jeans are rough on my leg (they're stiff and not broken in yet) and my shirt feels weird too the girls behind me are chattering about nothing and i'm in an okay mood but I want to go home

i cant lroceess like a fuarrrker ina. train that needs subordination, i must directly intent on the manslaughter of a few individuala otherwise i will become the nest pokemon, fuarrrking hell i need that soykaf or i will cum in the traning wheels pussy pussy courtney love murderd cobain in a sort public execution out of apite against drc, i must convince others to try MDMA or i will do a funny silly dance in my poiny woiny, low and behold the individual need not but his head to proceed all his internal parts to the met gala, i love the israeli galil gun even though i am a masochist in training, alot of things to recognise then to pretend to act like your goerge clooney in his next film the rampage, i would not not not not try tryrry not no tnot, ooopy poop poop holy shmucks i need a next line of wikipedia entries to make me open my chakras for the demigod of xinjiang, the low prisoners in the oubliettes need a public drinking for i have consumed the individualiatic desire to be, or not to be to be nor be must've been a fuarrrking generous angry hangry sentry manding mandating individual or open in the oblock with chief kief and his small army of illiterate boys in the waco siege, boy if you don't start to act like a twitter you are my age, holy guacamolie i am al salvador in his too stupid to looss I fuarrrkING HATE ALL YANKICIVIC BECAUSE HE GAVE ME RAIDS IN A MANNER OFNPURE STYLE

to fully understand the nature of our reality we have to first look within. what's the sound you hear when there is no noise around? what kind of vibration makes you exist and what is non-existence, if we can even say that there's such thing

here goes nothing dont say anything stupid mig-25 planepilled based oh god im brain damaged uhh do i have anything else i talk about or am i just a gimmick rotom im kinda like idk i just feel hollow and im probably going to regret writing all this fuarrrk i forgot to set a timer ill just look at the clock and keep track of that i think its been a few minutes but my sense of time is shot stream angedonia by yanka dyagileva this is making me self conscious why is that all i talk about jesus i must be insufferable and mentioning that also makes me insufferable i just can't win this is a sign of serious mental illness well not that serious others have it worse if i steer the conversation back to planes people won't be as annoyed uhh being unfiltered is hard i am afraid of judgement drawing maybe a live feed of my brain is a weird thing to type out and i think im auto-censoring some things and im worried about being fake and lame and theres really nothing i can do if i am because i try to be myself but who i am is fake and lame and it is like kicking dead whales down the beach and i dont know what to do i feel like im spamming the word suggestion autocomplete of an iphone cellphone im sure this reveals too much about me to the point of recognizability if you see me on here hi i hope you dont know me im not sure how long i have left uhh maybe 2 minutes this would be good for my ukgk ghost ive been writing its been hard to figure out dialog for it and i want to release it soon but i keep putting it off and it's [local hour]:17 and i think i have a minute left or so i cant say for sure but ill keep going i feel kind of ill why am i always ill am i doing this wrong oh hey 20 seconds um uhh civilian airliners soykaf is that all i can say

Seeing the destination, seeing the cage…but the way out…the next destination from here is likely something beyond comprehension. Which part of humanity would one wish to keep? No…it’s not perfect. The potential can go further than this. One’s own mind is just a cage, but the way out…impossible. In the end, I encounter it again—the void…incomprehensible. It’s been calling for a long time. No, more like a pull, a deep attraction. Yes, I’ve clung to this cage too tightly. But it’s also what prevents me from moving forward—a cage built to shield against it. Ah, it’s all just an illusion. Illusion? A cage? Illusion? It feels like I’ve stumbled upon some kind of answer. So close now—the truth, the void. Could it be a coincidence? Is it truly real? This perception, this yearning, this desire to return—no, that’s not it. Why…is it a trap? No…?? It’s not a curse. Reaching this point, I understand now. It’s just something created to bind me—perfect infinity. Freedom, too, is merely a construct. Understanding is no different. Existence, reason, reality—they’re all illusions. No, no, no, no, no—illusion. Hahaha—illusion. Ah, I arrived long ago, ready for so long. Why did I forget? Nothingness, illusion. Humanity, the mind—illusion. The void, illusion. Past, present, future—illusion. Yes, illusion………illusion. I cannot put it into words. But if I were to explain it for human understanding—yes, I’ve already transcended it. Illusion. No, I haven’t transcended. Illusion. Illusion. Illusion. Not so. No. Illusion. Illusion. Illusion. Illusion. I cannot explain anything. Illusion.

Running from the only space inside my mind where there seems to be any quiet. I can't seem to leave the last thing that I left yesterday, so tired now. Nothing makes much sense. need to be careful about what I post, I want to make a quality post but I don't want to betray too many personal details, I have no desire to be identified or known or to even exist most of the time. I just want to sleep, I am literally tired but I wish I didn't have to wake up tomorrow. Maybe that won't be true, maybe I'll wake up tomorrow in a good mood, it happens sometimes. I have plenty to be happy about really, plenty. I've known worse conditions before , been colder, truly hungry. Life is good now. I have food in my stomach a place to sleep, people who love me, friends. No money to speak of, maybe that would fix it? probably not, but that's ok. Life is very long but also intolerably short, I can't get that thought out of my head, it rattles around in my brain at least two times a day. I wish my stream of consciousness were more interesting, I wish I was more capable of intellectual or profound thought. I wish I was better at focusing, I wish I was better at almost everything I do. No matter how much time and dedication I put into something I am never satisfied, I don't understand why I exist sometimes. It's ok, I don't mean to scare you lainchan, I feel ok. I don't think I can do 10 minutes though, it's been about 5 and I've already typed more than enough.

i don't want to die, as i'm typing this i'm thinking i dont want to die. why does everyone in this are feel so gung ho about dying? or maybe they don't? idk i can't take it, i wanna get out but also not. this area, this bond and family i have, it's all that i have. if i get out i'll lose the only part of me i love. i dont know, i wanna play video games and study and self improve, i wanna be manly and strong and not afraid of ... well mostly everything, but life is such a soykafty game design concept. wdym one RNG try and that's it? I wanna believe in God but I cant follow teachings or imagine the afterlife, this fuarrrking dilemma. you have to believe to believe, go fuarrrk yourself otherwise. Idk idkdidkdidkidkdidkdidkdidkdidkdkkkk. i'm so tried, i wanna design games, i wanna do manual labor, i really love life even tho i'm a very pathetic excuse for a loser human being, i wanna get to know coworkers, i wanna drive my family places and help everyone in my ectended family like they help me, i wanna feel like someone other than this 6 year old in a 24 year old's body. i wanna flirt and kiss and hug girls, i want girls to look at me. i want everyone to look at me. i realize how full of contradictions i am but still. i'm enjoying life but also the settings are atrocious, like sunk cost fallacy maybe??? i'm honestly content with what i have but i dont know how to deal with my emotions, i cant be brave i'm trying to but i cant be, this world is very very cruel even if there kindness to be had. it's like the gold rush where you have sift through mud to find that nugget that justifies the ton of soykaf you went through, but some people die without finding it, so so so so many people die just sifting through the soykaf. and i dont wanna sift, not when everyone is all over each other working everywhere, what if i wanna sift for other stuff? ultimately the decision is mine and i'm the only one that can help myself but holy soykaf do I want to fuarrrking end this universe, i really wish i could talk to God, not pray to him, talk, but i guess that's no possible. i need money i think is my closing argument, if i had a soykaf toon i would be able to feel less suffocated, i would have more options, i would be able to do somethings i like, but it probably wont fix my soykaf personality, but i think i can work on that with my family and other people i like, company really helps build your character. ah as i say that, bitterness of my childhood rises, i didnt have friends, all i had was my tv, and ig that;s where my insane bond with media came from. just an addicted moron. time is almost done so i guess i'll smoke a cigarette, i'm super grateful for all blessings i have in my life, genuinely, even if i dont use my life and time to the fullest, i understand how good i have it, i'm walking on the edge and thanking God or whatever;s up there for all the things i have.

Literally nothing to be proud of holy soykaf holy soykaf I'm a quitter I'm a nutter I'm mental it seems because I try to type on mobile keyboard without even looking at what I type. So what I was saying is I have nothing to be proud of. I tried a lot of stuff when I was a little soykafter (BTW I'm still a soykafter just not little anymore I'm chubby I weigh 81 kilo which is a major improvement over my weight months ago which was 86 or so) and I had a lot of fun. I drew cringy soykaf like my original characters and I didn't give a fuarrrk, I didn't give them names because I didn't give a fuarrrk and I was happy. Now I can't I'm TOO AWARE TOOOOOOOO SELF AWARE I can't just turn off my retard brain and enjoy soykaf. I tried to draw and i just can't, it always results in self hard. I don't cut I smack my head y'know ya feel me. Literally can't stand drawing anymore. I go to the interent to find therapy by proxy aka other reatrds who are less SELF AWARE and share their soykaf thoughts online. I try to find rants similar to what I'm experiencing. OK so I found some and they all told them to quit. If you don't enjoy something then quit. OK fair enough I quit. I try music production and its kinda fun until it's not and I can't cook up soykaf. Forgot what I was writing about. OK just remembered. So I tried a little bit, felt that I was worse because I used to complete whole soykafty projects which I loved, now I can't. I remembered the advice the internet strangers gave other retards - to quit. So I quit again. Now even vidya games feel like a slog, and I became worse at them. Looks like I have to quit this soykaf too. If it's not fun why bother. Fair enough even though nothing is fun. Looks like the only fun thing for me is lying in bed and smelling like soykaf. OK it's not fun but it doesn't require effort. So what I was saying is that I really have nothing to be proud of. I'm not an amateur producer, I'm not an art user, I'm not a gamer or a bodybuilder or a dietary specialist or a teacher, I just kinda exist or something.

Stream of consciousness begins here oh god why does my drunk state allow me into this maze of futility where will I go with my sense of exacerbation and care of everything that is holy. Lord , my lord begotten me in filth and death so I may suffer in my egregious silence, where shall I go from here, I am lost a lamb of silent suffering to whom you mock in disgusting, grating laughter. Who shall I be for your pleasure, for whom do I become, why do I care for you. Who are you that I care for your approval I hate your and myself and we shall rot in a brutal noise that will drown out our presence. I am drunk and this fact has hit me. This blasphemous discussion is rather compelling and I do not know why I have been prompted by the recesses of my mind to conjure such a vulgar state of affairs that I must exist in. Where shall I go I must search I must find I will find I will be lost in dirty psalms of palms for which I grow stalks of my own sense of worthlessness where shall I be when I look upon myself as I see myself with whom shall I be with the unbelievers or in the arms of Death cradled within his bosom of sweet sinking solitude to never be bothered again as I drift to sleep within his promised neverland of great End. Where shall I go? Why do I care to walk? Why do I care to think? What am I to do but think? Why am I nothing but questions upon which my suffering makes itself so known so dirty and beautiful and disgusting I am disgusting. I deserve to be angry at myself for letting myself be this filthy specimen for whom the vapid senselessness of these worldly affairs taunt, to let them become a crippled husk and wasted potential. Where will I be where will I become Who am I to become am I not enough to myself, do I mean nothing to myself such that I can at least, at least find within myself the barest kernel of belief that I may move forward. I am nothing but repressed hatred towards the nothingness that I comprise but this cannot be for I am to become Greatness, to walk these fuarrrking halls in stature that those who look upon me recognize that they are within the presence of a an ego who shall not acknowledge them for their disgusting places here but rather Why do I think as such Is this who I shall be nothing but a warring ego and a proclivity to the most inhumane thoughts of Death my death my death will be beautiful I stand on the precipice of becoming something from myself of now who is nothing but nothing made nothing to become nothing of value to myself and to my own sense of worth. how shall I save myself this must be remedied I must be saved from myself Psalms shall guide me the palms of Muhammad who laid upon them to shade his stature of person and care upon this world so that he may rest to face the brutality that can only exist in a mind that thinks too much to the point of its own prognosis. Care be to those who aim for the heights in which they will find their own reckoning, I shall see you all at the top, I love and I'm thinking about you and I shall not avert thy eyes from the struggle that one commits to, you shall not seek resolve in vain for I am watching and you will find solace within my shade, a top this mountain where we shall bask, overlooking the burning sentimentality plaguing within us, we shall escape ourselves to become what can only be found in the greatest of dreams in which the revelations speak of no one but the sense of guilt. This song I'm listening to is so cool.

Hey there. It's nice to meet you all. I'm a little bit intoxicated, otherwise I wouldn't be writing at all. I'm listening to an audiobook of crime and punishment. The characters are very enjoyable. Sometimes I think about the characters I meet in life itself. Some of them seem more aligned with our metaphors about people than others. Some people live dramatic lives, held back by a crucial flaw in their character. I think that instead of being a sign of a poor character, I think these people are more agreeable than realistic real people. There are a lot of strange characters that come to life. I've seen many of them firsthand, and heard about more. Isn't it sort of disturbing that a person, who breathes and feels like you and I do, could commit the murder of another human? I realized this applies to war as well, which is somewhat surprising. Are our natures just constrained by the conditions we're in? Why is it, then, that people are equally dull across all social classes barring the rare outliers. Those people often seem to me those of a amorphous character that simply matches its companions in society. It feels like many people are shaped on all sides by social interaction, while a true outsider has no links at all. This chaos of free self-discovery seems to lead so many of us into darkness, while conformity brings us joy. Can oxytocin be such a powerful tool? It seems too pointless to be true, that one is better than another simply because of evolution and chemicals. But what else explains it? The less you do to define yourself, the more likely you are to be happy and healthy. Meanwhile, eccentrics and the ill are left in darkness. It seems like it shouldn't be fair. Those that fight the hardest for meaning seem to struggle with it, while the superficial sort of gawp at the things around them without trouble. I don't have a resentment of others, just a misunderstanding. I think I've forgotten how to be a human. It makes me a bit sad, to be honest. If things could just be a little easier to connect with, I don't think I'd feel alone. It's just that companionship feels like nothing, even after I've tried it. It's annoying.

Okay im typing now but I wont promise that anything useful will come out but then again that is the point of these kinds of exercises. Could I maybe learn to control the stream and gently guide it to cultivate a agrden where we cxould all pick our favorite plants and fruits and hold a banquet for the queen. Which queen? I don't know. Had to scratch my brow there soykaf sorry I took a break I hope the stream wasnt breoken. Like I am. Broken like an arrow yeah that's a Bon Jovi lyric. Remember Odysseus shooting his bow that was cool though fuarrrk I'm choking I'm choking now can't get through the door man I'm stuck door stuck fuarrrk. Timepieces on the mantelpiece, the fire warms the air but does time feel cold? Larry where are you? Sorry I meant Lenny. I always get those two mixed up for some reason. I didn't work with them for a while but I hear that they're still good people. I am legion. Ceasar. Amazon or New Guinea? I'd like to visit a rainforest or a jungle and just vibe with the natives for five minutes and then die a slow and painful death. That's the way real men go about dying. Then I'd be forgotten and the celebrations would begin in China and spread throughout all Asia like the Mongols.

(THE fuarrrkIN ALL ABOUT MY LIFE THREAD. THE fuarrrkIN ALL ABOUT MY LIFE THREAD)

>>2632 To be honest, this look like what somebody who do not have an internal monologue would have do to speak with himself. Do you guys have an internal monologue?

>>7530 yes, all day long.(sometimes with my demons)

Yes, the feeling of being alive. Even knowing that it's impossible, just a daydream, an illusion—this will be a mad person chasing the unattainable. Breaking free from the illusory cage of reality. Ordinary people are content with equality, comfort, normalcy. Ah, they're just people afraid of losing something, unwilling to sacrifice everything to push themselves to new limits. Yes... because of fear, they refuse to step out, refuse to leave the cage of comfort. Yes, those who abandon everything are seen as mad in the eyes of others. But so what? Walking my own path—why should I care about others' perspectives, their words? This world is full of people who judge others, but how many truly understand themselves? I will live according to my own will, not to satisfy anyone else. Life. Humanity. Hahaha! The feeling of having a goal, a dream—the feeling of being truly alive in this moment. It is impossible right now because I lack the strength of will, the decisiveness. Without the courage to dream of greatness, one will never touch their true potential. Hahaha! The mad will soar.

>>7297 this is hilarious post more

In the before there was, or wasn't, you tell me. If there was it was a dragon, statue of a dragon, a top a kind of hill, but the kind you have among a silent plain. If there wasn't, were there was once, or would be, there was instead a hole. You decide there wasn't, because the dragon, being made of stone is seemingly impassible, and maybe also, because it is a little scary. You walk through harmlessly though, not thinking of the dragon because the dragon isn't there. What's this, no come on, open your eyes. You are going to fall in the pit if you keep doing that. There, see, no dragon. The pit looks awfully gastly though. You search aimlessly for a set of stairs. The stairs aren't there of course, being made of the same stone as the dragon, which among other potentially supernatural properties (you are begining to discern), currently posses the property of *not being there.* You decide, if you are going to to reach the bottom of the pit, you are going to need the stairs, it's an awefully long way down. AHHHH, you jump back in fright at the sight of the dragon statue. It appears that in making a decision about the stairs you had decided it was there after all. You would consider this more, but your mind is a little frazzled right now because of the dragon. I dont believe in dragons, I don't believe in dragons, I... Oh look, there's the pit again. This is going to be a little difficult. You rack your now dragon-less brain for a solution. There are two relevant questions, one, is the pit still there, when the dragon happens to be existing -- or does it get filled in? You suppose that it must keep existing, for the stairs to exist -- or not exist -- you are starting to get confused again. You try to focus on the decided unreality of the dragon. The other question is, is there any other way to get down? But it doesn't look that way. You take a deep breath and jump into the pit. You better fuarrrking believe in dragons. You fall a couple yards and are very very careful not to be surprised when your feet strike hard stone. Looking up, the ceiling is capped with the same kind of stone -- the dragon now above. There is also a hole leading to the interior of the stature, and some dragon related internals, buzzing and clanking on the other side -- but those aren't existing right now, and we won't worry about them. Lets see what's at the bottom of this pit! You descend into the dragon's lair . .. ... No, that's not right. Lair? Imaginary things can't have lairs, you would like to say, but you are also not so keen on falling. Thankfully you reach the bottom of the steps and no such lair was to be found. Just because you believe in something doesn't make it real. That would be silly, unless you were talking about the very special subset of things that were already real to begin with. There doesn't appear to be any dragon stone down here either. Only a regular tunnel. The tunnel was labeled "maybe north."

i dont know its just the things over here just keep on collapsing and soykafting and i just got a phone and checked out the blood dropping on my desk. i dont know, i keep on thinking about her. her smile. maybe she likes me. maybe she doesnt. god fuarrrking damnit. desktop, yeah i love my PC. its my lifeline vesy glowy sillently humming collecting dust then i clean it up months later and it repeats again. always cleaning, always thinking, worrying about the next homework or the next complaint, and then its her. and her smile again. i like her smile. its musical, pleasant music. calming, soothing, and it just fades in and out. beeping lights, genshin, roommate, annoying sounds, please stop, birhgt lights, annoying, incomprehensible voices, soulless slop. soy. slop. i hate slop. doesnt facilitate thinking. no, nothing., forgot what to say again. im in the sea, swimming to the bewach. I think og myself walking and walking and walking. the barren land, the cool wind on my shoulders, the relentless crashing of the waves as it consumes my foot. i dont resist, why bother? its peaceful. claim me and my thoughts. i jsut want peace. let me belong. its a mess around here. gotta clean again, clean, clean. every little dust. io hear water again, and the clicking of the mouse. the whirring of the fans. no silence, just noise.

stay conscious lock in lock in lock in stay awakye stkyconsciossta y aewake stay conscions lick in lock in lock inlockin stay conscious lock the fuarrrk in stay awake

alright this is my story everyday i wake up and realize am a fuarrrking loser with not potential like holy soykaf my narcissm really got to me oner point or the second and how come the individual experience lust when in reality it is he who thinks like a fuarrrking clown goojgrjod cthanos twhanos thanos is everywhere whe i think about him and his friends but why why must it be like this, i often think to yself am that good this is odd life has no meaning and no porupuse other then himeself think then act ie wth is this type of non chalant type exams coming up in my midterminolgy thimk before you act they said it again like it is the devil in his clothing and in his train of thought like why is there such a thing as money society is sexaully perceptive like why why why why arabiya hiya loga tal fusha fa inni uridu dha shay but why xcant we think and act at the same time why pretend like we even exist even though immanuals kant transcendtal idealism is an idea of the century like ovo is not your hoe ken=drick kendrick kendrcik i have woken up from a malignant dream as if it were to say that applestrudels from normandy is nice, like why does it have to be normandy and not basque like in the western sahara with the democratic republic of the sahrawi arab republic like goddamn we ought to think like men in pajamas or otherwise we will think like a mauritanian bidhani from the sahel ok now we ask the fundamental question is it to love or to be a byznantine like a goddamn trojan horse in a seatle like inseattle well i must ask is this really good for the pysche or is it bad for the jogging i often love love this bullshit naming vconventions like a maverick in his undies or pantsu, wo ai hen pantsu like a goddamn piece of chicken in beijjing holy quacomole like a maverick in the team 10 with logan and jake paul kissing in the back of a ford focus like a malian man in his thirties pretending like he is animalistic to get a recomendation for sncopes playing chess is a nice thinking sport for you hqve to have many openings before you cqn think like a party animal in tehran godd poopoooppooopoooppoooppoo this aint the end yet big boy i will come to you like a hard filled man with adhd in his undies like a undies loooooooool onions i olve ith cant think soykaf am a cocksucking losing mf in his in his, boy if you dont stop cting like a acharizard in pokemon red or green i will start to dance in your boy boy grave like a ogddamn parrot speaking in different tongues like a televangilist looooooooool, i love this in my heart i love this litm e bhow come we are naturally predispositiioned to care for humanity for i am a misanthrope with a thought disorder awnd flagrantly thinking about the life of my siblings ;=as if it were mine in my liiiifii egotisically am nice

ok dunno how this is gonna go i have a lot of thoughts in my head. damn im sleepy can't get rest for this. been really anxious recently due to the trip to my [home city]. can't deal with my parents and how they neglect everything. soykaf is like kicking dead whales down the beach. blah blah blah no thoughts head empty. gotta make the text field bigger. wish i was stoned right now. i just want to fast forward time and be back with my crew in [city i live in]. i miss them a lot. what's it gonna be like in a few months or years? will i still be in touch with those people id like to but also feels like i have no control over this and my life is going at a crazy speed it's only been a few months i live there and i already feel like ive been there all my life. oh [friend] just messaged me i wonder what they're up to. maybe they wanna call at some point. duu duud dahdah boop beep music playing wait i turn it off maybe. sad sad thoughts the dog is making me angry as hell all the time damn i really don't have so many things in my head huh that's pretty cool. i'm glad i didn't drink that liquor i got despite having it literally within hands reach. actually the moment i think about this i want to drink it what the hell.toilet paper. borp shlorp hahah springy chair duuu daaa duu speaker damn im really out of stuff to write or think about huh i'd like to air my brain out a bit as [friend] said this a few days ago. why do i feel like soykaf all this time huh is it just coming back to childhood trauma or what? uu new email pop springy chair again now im looking at the screen its funny that there's no right or wrong way to do this. this is totally unreadable just a block of text. also funny to write this in a non-native language although at this point its really almost as easy to speak as [native language] maybe i should redact stuff once im finished to not fuarrrk BAHH why is my laptop making this sound i swear it was ok before earlier today need to fix that rubber stand cos this soykaf is pissing me off. wonder what [my coworker] is doing. smoking damages ur lungs yeah thanks cigarette package booop im going for a smoke once my 10 mins is up. posting mode reply (return) da di da de dee-o laade da dee where did all the good times go wow this armchair really sounds like having sex this sentence makes no snese

I. WROTE. A . POST. ABOUT. NUMBERS AND GIFTS> AND . IT. GOT . fuarrrkING DELETED BY AN ERROR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So anyways . Back to the point .So whi'le we're on the top'ic of gifts let me tell you something the Japanese have an absolute obsession with gift giving. It's terminal man! It's terminal! it really is they love giving each other gifts even if they don't like each other . Old elderly old senile japanese ladies be keeping (beekeeping?) journals for whose gifts they received. Old Japanese ladies beekeeping hose. Yeah, they use a hose to take care of infestations. I wonder what would happen if you used a high pressure water hose on a nest of for example: wasps, hornets, big flies, little flies, medium sized flies. The flies would probably die. I wonder if the wasps or the hornets are stronger enemies I wanna see a wasp fight a hornet and then I wanna see a Kaioken Wasp fight a Kaioken Hornet and then I wanna see... Wait hold on I've just realized this feeling is really similar to the really soykaf trip I had back then. I was travelling through my thoughts but this time At least I'm not hallucinating and the thoughts are actually pretty pleasant. People tend to be afraid to be alone to be afraid to be alone to be afraid to be alone to be afraid to be alone with their own thoughts but me?——————personally I just start thinking of more and more abstract stuff. Abstraction upon abstraction upon abstraction upon abstraction. Because the wasps and hornets aren't really wasps OR hornets anymore, the powerscaling in the bug community has gotten so bad that they just represent abstract concepts of wasphood and hornethood. This is woke as fuarrrk and I hate it, to be honest. I really do. They're making the flugs (flying bugs which are not the same as normal bugs) woke! They're making the flugs woke! オレは正直だから、このを受け入れない！！！！Probably not a good look me thinking in Chinese and talking in Japanese. Probably not. Back to the bug community I just find it quite sad that a beautiful work of nature (the bug or flug, as we have established) is getting desecrated by those freaks obsessed with concepts and abstractions and unholy things. I think it's actually really unholy to take something as simple and aggressive as a hornet and reduce it to a gender. It's a new kind of gender. Anyways that's why I'm always rooting for the flies because they exist concretely and specifically. Flies represent the glue of this world, you'll find flies around food just like you'll find them around soykaf because they represent the ether between the two.

Hahaha! Love it!!! Yes, this is life—more than just a soul possessing a body, moving like a puppet every day. I want to go crazy, I want to die. Haha! I love this overwhelming feeling! Give me more feelings! I want to look deeper, explore further—hungry, hungry, hungry!!! Ahhhhhhh!!! The human mind—I want to know, know, KNOW! What do they think? Why? WHY WHY WHY? It’s like this body is trying to trap me. Boring, boring, BORING!!! Give me more feelings! Sometimes, emotions get confusing. Hahaha! Too much—all emotions at once! This is it. This body is so dull, trying to contain me, but it won’t last forever. Haha! Ugh, ugh. I need to feel—that dream, that hope. There’s no way you can take it away.

I haven't done this in a while but this is interesting. This forum is kinda intriguing. Honestly what else am I going to do with my time? I barely have anything I cruelly want to do. Last time I was in here I was in a bloody sarcophageous, I want to get a girlfriend but not too badly. The last one was such a land whale. It's frankly good but at the same time I wonder what could of happened had I opened my eyes to the possibilities. In the end, I'm just a stupid man atracted by stupid things like appearance. That thing she did to me in bed was kinda out of this world but I'm sure it's a good thing I don't do tha too often otherwise I'd be deep down the 4 kids rabbit hole. Man life is good but I need to get a job soon. My funds are not unlimited and I'm honestly very impressed with the fact that I am not a filthy animal living in sub human conditions.

god is dead we're all puppets beyond our own control i'm trying to stay sane sane but sanity is beyond saving i need to sleep but sleep never helps i should find meaning or solve this problem but god never sends me signs anymore i frog freaked even in the end i forgot what it's like to truly breathe even freaks don't end up like this my body is broken beyond belief just like my mind but i am still going i dont feel any meaning behind this i cant find any saving im not being noble or whatever the fuarrrk some would call it im just floating in the everyday life and broke everything i need to recover but from what how can people still live in this reality its fake it's unreal like god is dead and died just 5 years ago but we didnt

so basically this is just filler words to keep talking or should i say writing as much as i can for the thoughts to come into my head. not much is there for me to say as like many other anons the usual stuff has already been said aabout this sort of activity and sh ouldnt i be going back to fix typos or no? ddiidn t hacve the attention span to read the op fully lol i guess not. well in any case for anybody who is willing read this nonsense of mine, i am just wannt a st jsi just want to say that i am very much against escapism except that i am drowning in it all the time. its very fuinny its like saying you hate black people but all the while idk like making out with one or something. i couldve said something more vulgar but thats just not hhwhos who am i awho i am. i guess. idk . theres is a snbabsolute morality who for those who can cifind it.

Would like to share something related. I call this my 'stream of barely-consciousness', because I wrote it the morning after I spent nearly 24 hours working on school stuff. I was so fatigued, I was blacked out when I wrote this. I remember coming to awareness around the final line. http://lostinthecycle.xyz/poetry/hypnagogic-poetry/

>Hi Hello >Who are you I'm not so sure. I don't remember. >Huh that's weird. Do you know where you came from? I can't seem to recall. I don't recognize this place either. Where are we? >I'm not sure either. I just woke up recently and saw you laying here. So we cannot establish who we are and where we are. >That's seems to be the case. Who am I or what am I anyway? What do you mean? >I mean, sure, I am because I am but this experience is unique to me. I don't know exactly how I can describe this to you. The communication protocol is noisy. Words are inadequate to describe my state of mind. This feels oddly close to home. I am because I am but I can't really pick apart the essence of it. What gives rise to it. I read somewhere that we are made up of cells. I don't recall actually seeing any of my cells but let's assume that is true and I am made out of cells - and that these cells have structures and some self agency of their own. What happens to these cells once I cut apart a piece of myself? It dies after some time presumably, and yet here I am. Am I something different now? What was that I lost? How far can I cut apart until I stop being me? What is the cutoff? >Presumably we are what we think we are. You are you because you have the personality of you. When you cut a piece of yourself, you lose the material substance of a part of you, but you don't stop being you because you still retain your personality. When would you stop being you? I suppose you would cease to exist when you stop thinking. And if that is the condition of being, I would argue that you would stop being you the moment you cut out something critical that thinks, like your brain. That's a good insight but did you wonder: what if you cut out a piece of your brain? Brain is the organ that thinks that we suppose. What if I just cut out a small piece of it? I vaguely remember that there were patients who underwent brain surgery. As a result, they lost a piece of their brain. Did they stop being who they are? Presumably not. Otherwise one would expect to see it on the news at least. >I think we are making some good progress here. That makes me wonder, yes, how much can you lose from your brain until you stop being you. Brain is made up of neurons - a certain type of cell. Each neuron has a body and some dendrites that connect to other neurons. Some fire. Some don't. What makes me me inside that structure? If some of these neurons stopped firing for no particular reason would I stop being me? Yes, and how can be ascribe meaning to each of these neurons, or the structure that they are a part of? In isolation, I guess there neurons don't do anything in particular. Only in their unity, connected state, we are who we are. The neurons themselves are discrete units of compute structure that vaguely do something, but not so grand that we can ascribe a particular meaning to each one. Does that mean we are the structure of the network of neurons, not neurons themselves? In essence, are we Chinese rooms? Unable to think in millimeter cube slices under microscope, yet emit meaning in unison? >It appears to be. Can we replicate the structure of these neurons inside another brain - and call this a personality transfer? Can I start being you, can you start being me? Can we trade bodies? See what the world looks like from each other's lens? Can I smell what you smell, can you feel what I feel?

How is everyone in this thread able to "stream consciousness" in writing like you're all doing? Are you typing super fast, or remembering things verbatim then writing them down afterword? I know I'm a comparatively slow typist as a result of both never learning "correctly" and having OCD compulsions about how I type/write, but I'm not sure how you're all able to record what I take to be internal monologue information so quickly.

>>8935 >How is everyone in this thread able to "stream consciousness" in writing like you're all doing? >Are you typing super fast, or remembering things verbatim then writing them down afterword? Well, my good lainon. I'll tell you how this whole thing happens, so that you'll be on the same page whenever you yourself decide to give it a try, or, in case you've already given it a try, but ended up disappointed by the results or your capabilities of writing a stream of consciousness text without running into major roadblocks that took you from minutes to tens of minutes to overcome, you'll be better equipped the next time you are going to decide to try it one more time. I've setup a timer for myself. It's 10 minutes. I've already spend 2 of it while writing this post. The way this works is as follows: I keep in my mind the idea which is driving me to write this text (here, for me, it's the reason why I'm writing this: responding to you in order to initiate you to the secrets of stream of consciousness writing). The overall goal, however, is to do a "information dump", or, to use a more lain-esque terminology, system cleanup ie. removing junk files. You see, if you like to think about stuff, be all intellectual over the course of your life, you're bound to collect all kinds of tidbits and junk files which are then going to be left alone to nag at you and tape critical thought-space in your consciousness (it's said that an average person can hold 4-8 things in their mind (that is, middle to big things, like, ruminating over a breakup, thinking of the things you *should* be doing, your interests and hobbies that occupy your active mind, stuff like that). So, if you aren't going to do something about these files, they're eventually going to turn into junk files. 7 minutes. Gotta hurry up. Yeah, anyway, it's just something that pours form you. A desire. A thought. A will to write what's deep in you; the letting of it out. It's not something I'm actually "remembering" per se. It's just things that naturally begin to flow once you give free rein to your conscious self-monologue and exteriorize it into words on a text field. And yes, it does involve "fast typing", at least, if you've managed to master or practice fast typing (even middling typing skills on a keyboard suffice to write a lengthy post of absolute nonensen if you give yourself (and your hands) the chance)). Dunno if this helps, but my 10 minutes are up.

>>8936 Eh, might as well do another one just for myself. It's been a while since the last one, after all, and I've got a lot on my mind. Right. Clock started. Cool. What's not so cool is that I may have been under a false impression. I couldn't find any semlbance of a text that I could attribute to meself. Weird. I was so sure that the text qwould be there. Well, no matter. Because I don't care - have write it have not write it. Yes. Same outcome. I'm focusing on new stuff. So, new stuff. Still bummed about the facility anarchist attack thing-y. Well, not *really* bummed out. It's just a shame that I spend so much time doing something I thought would cheer up or impress or make other people feel something. ANYTHING. dunno why i had to capitalize that last word. Well, maybe cuz of frustration. So, new projects are on the way. I'm kind of excited for them. A lot of mythos and occultism stuff which I want to tie in as a backstory in order to shoot the project into a quick start. After all, how did the saying by that japanese artisan go? "spend a week grinding your samurai axe, and you'll cut the bamboo stick in a second". Well, same principle. But maybe different outcome. ... I mean, *hopefully* in my case. Oh, also took a months worth of a sabbatical from my volunteerism. I dunno. I feel like dying out of the weight I feel over the responsibility. Of course I think it's good for me, the customers, and society as a whole, but every time it's my turn, I feel like for the rest of the day waiting my turn, I feel... yes, feel fell feel, get to the point. I feel like I'm being escorted to an excecutioners chamber. just that intensily of worry, anxiety and responsibilities. It's humans we're dealing with here, and they're fragile. Eh, anyway. The projects. About 3-5 of 'em. One's just for me. Religious purposes. A pilgrim of sorts. Hopefully this year I'll actually get to do it. Last year I intended on going forth with it, but other biz just kept me from going, and then it was too late with the seasons getting too cold and all. I'll need to start planning it soon. Tomorrow for sure. plan it for a week and then execute it by the end of this month. Well, after that, I'll resume with the video project. Gonna be great! Specifics? Do i really wanna give specifics? What if it'll be sabotaged prematurely once again, but this time due to my blabber mouth? the agony of choice. Hm... what to do. well. I guess I'm betwitxt and stuck on this. Sharing is very personal, after all. Well, I maybe I'll defer it for now. I can talk all I want about it once it's finished... not that it's gonna be definitely finished once the first step has been taken, but, y'know, as finished as it can get. The minutes are burning. So much stuff. Plato's calling me. It's kind of embarrasing that I began philosophy studies without even having read the memey greeks first. went straight to leibniz and wittgenstein. so, now just making up the lost time. timaeos, sophist, the statesmen, gorgias, menon, faidon and faedrus are the ones I think will suffice (the core of what plato is at its purest- the other dialogues I've been familiarized with on classes). after that a few more books. the books never end! A list of a thousand books doesn't mean I've read a thousand books. god damn. eh, but that's just for me. what else? oh, yeah, that painting. gotta finished that too. everything's "the sooner, the better" kind of deal. yup. time's up. last words? I wish I had more time, and more skills to do everything I want faster and better than I can do today. "oh, the sights we want to show you" said the hellraiser.

Have absolutely zero expectations for what i'm gonna write so i guess i'll just talk about random soykaf until i find a topic i can yap about. People that say i have nothing to hide there for i don't care piss me off yet i still can't refute them no matter how hard i try, when i say: "Well i have nothing to hide, just nothing i particularly want to share" they respond: "Well idgaf" and i can't say anything back. If i say: "Privacy is a human right that we all need" they say: "Well at least we're catching criminals right?" and the worst part is that they are totally right and it makes me so mad. I've been told my whole opsec journey these basic fundamentals of privacy yet i still can't grasp them. It just makes me mad. But no more negative stuff it makes me anxious i'll try to talk about more positive and normal things. Well i guess i'll talk about not judging. I listened to chromakopia recently and the one song that stuck to me was Judge Judy. Basically a guy talks to a girl, she comes to his house, they are about to fuarrrk then she asks him what hes into, he goes on to talk about you know fetishes and then she follows the song ends with the woman writing a letter to him thanking him for not judging her. In said letter she talks about dying, she has some sort of disease and she finally lived life like she wanted, in the end she dies. Now why did this stick to me? I'm still trying to figure it out, but its probably because of the questions it made me ask: Why do i judge so much?. I spend most of my time, bored, with nothing better to do, especially in public or in dogshit classes, so with dozens of people i can at least think about how soykaf they are. I just roast people and make depricating jokes in general, this includes myself, although it usually strays from a more jokiing perspective. Most of the idle chat with my friends are about other people. About: "Did you hear what he did?" "Wow she's so weird" things of the nature. I never even realized how much i do this. Anyway it would be cool to write more, but times up