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I have a girlfriend with which I'm going to be in a relationship for two months soon. Our relationship so far works well, even though we disagree on various things. What troubles me about our relationship though is that I very oftenly have unpleasant dreams where she takes part. All those dreams are basically about me loosing her infront of my eyes to her friends or whoever. And I am unable to do anything about it in those dreams and I just have to see how I loose her over and over again almost every night. I told her about my dreams and my fears about loosing her, yet I still keep having these dreams. I'm afraid they even become worse and worse over time. What might these dreams mean? It's probably the fact that this is the first relationship I actually care about to work in the future. I want the reason for these dreams to dissapear which is the reason why I come to you guys for help. What the hell is wrong with me basically?

This sounds similar to what happened to me. I don't know your life, and I don't have anywhere near enough information to properly analyse this, so instead I'm going to talk about what happened to me in the early months of my relationship and what I made of it, then you can compare this with your own life and see whether it might apply too. I spent most of my life being alone. I had some friends in highschool, but I always felt like I was at the edge of the group, rarely talked, just lurked. I never talked to girls. During college I lost contact with the few friends I had. I started to become very self-aware of my solitude, of how I had never had a girlfriend. I remembered that my odds of finding someone to be with during highschool were far better (due to actually having friends that could introduce me to people) and I hadn't managed even then. I figured that now my odds were basically nonexistant and I started to contemplate the very real possibility of being single for life. I dreamed of finding someone with whom I could be truly happy, and cried when I woke up. Then a chance meeting happened. An old friend was in the city and was meeting up with some people, asked if I wanted to come along for drinks. I did, and met someone who would change my life. She had me charmed from the first moment, and I made every effort to balance out my adoration for her and my natural introversion. Somewhere between the obsessed creepy stalker and the jaded loner. And somehow I got the balance just right, met up with her several times. We took long walks, and shared our worldviews with each other, amending them based on the other viewpoint. It was beautiful. Then I kissed her and I was everything I wanted it to be. I realise I'm getting kinda sappy here, but this is how I felt. I recall the feeling of thinking that it was all a dream, it _must_ be because it was so much like my dreams of the past. But now my dreams changed. I had spent so long talking myself down, so long reinforcing the image of myself being an eternal bachelor, that it seemed to be a core part of my identity. And my subconscious apparently still thought this was too good to be true, because in my dreams I found myriads of ways to fuarrrk up the relationship. I invented ways in which her personality would drastically change and she would become the antithesis of what she used to be. I started crying again when I awoke in the middle of the night, because I was gripped with fear of losing her. I talked with her about this (after a few weeks of bottling it up). She reaffirmed that she loved me, people don't change that suddenly, etc. I started to practice a sort of amateur mindfulness, taking in the beautiful moments and repeating to myself that this was real, she loved me, and this wasn't some cosmic glitch. I consciously started to modify my self-image as someone who was able to talk to people, someone who was loved, someone who would take the time to understand people. I modified my self-image to include her, she became a part of who I am. The nightmares stopped after that. My dreams are of our future now, together. I hope this helps, Lainon. Find peace in yourself by realising the reality is real, that by finding love you've made a connection that's special. That even if you have disagreements or things start to go wrong, you can shape the future by taking a step back, talk it over with her, and find the reasons why you love each other. Good communication is key. Don't sweat the small stuff, love her for the big stuff. Doing these things will make you feel more secure in your relationship and should hopefully improve your dreams.

>>224 Your story with high school and college sounds incredibly similar to my story and I bellieve we have a lot in common. I lost basically all my friends from hs when I entered college and became very insecure about myself. Which might be exactly what you are explaining. I will try my best to follow your advise as it sounds very reasonable to me. Although I'm afraid that finding peace in myself might take a very long time as it's the exact opossite how I felt the last 10 months. Thanks a lot Lainon, I hope things turn out to be great

>I have a girlfriend with which I'm going to be in a relationship for two months soon. What? You already know how long it will last?

You're in your first major relationship, you feel insecurity, it manifests as bad dreams. I think it's really as simple as that and sounds like something that would go away if you reached a higher level of trust with her over time.

>>223 Can you post a vivid description of on of your dreams here? It will help for analysis

>>224 Same story here, only that this > I invented ways in which her personality would drastically change and she would become the antithesis of what she used to be became reality. The relationship lasted 2.5 years and I've been alone since. I have started to actively find a new gf but realized that I won't love again and actually don't want to. It was an awful experience and I am glad its all over, hopefully forever.

>>291 >The relationship lasted 2.5 years and I've been alone since. I have started to actively find a new gf but realized that I won't love again and actually don't want to. I'm on the same spot. 2.5 years exactly, I was even wondering if I posted this and forgot about it. It's not that I won't be able to find someone else to be my girlfriend, it's that I'll not be able to love in the same complete way I loved before. Not sure if its worth it at all.

>>223 You probably developed a fear of abandonment. Basically what those dreams imply is that you are scared that someone might take away your gf from you and you fear being alone.

>>2504 Jostle.

>The relationship lasted 2.5 years and I've been alone since. I have started to actively find a new gf but realized that I won't love again and actually don't want to. It was an awful experience and I am glad its all over, hopefully forever. >I'm on the same spot. 2.5 years exactly, I was even wondering if I posted this and forgot about it. >It's not that I won't be able to find someone else to be my girlfriend, it's that I'll not be able to love in the same complete way I loved before. Not sure if its worth it at all. I had no idea this feeling was so common. For me it's been 20 years or so. My love for this decades old memory is not accomplishing anything. I'm at a loss for what to do though, because if I tried to forget it I'd only feel more ashamed of myself. I want to keep the memories sheltered and protected and not lose sight of them.

>>223 idk... i had a brief relationship and it didnt end well, i wish i had advice but i dont. honestly i cant even bring myself to try to have another relationship, i cant make friends at all and i dont want to be disappointed again so i dont bother