Mental health thread

What issues do you have, lainons?

Intimacy issues has been my biggest struggle lately Lingering anxiety and depression too, though that's par for the course

All the time I feel like my life is barely held together; I put out fires in time usually to keep going but the trend seems downward and I feel like a total implosion is inevitable. I don't feel like I'm competent academically or professionally and that eventually this will be apparent to my superiors even if I'm very very good at bullshitting. I don't understand how to interact with people and feel awkward and out of place no matter what it do. I feel totally unattractive and unlikable. The worst thing, I think, is how clumsy and careless I am. I feel like things I own just break down or I lose them. I feel like I go through life flaking detrius off of me like a broken machine. I'd like to get professional help but who wants to navigate the issuance system and call people again and again and try to make appointments and it probably won't even help. I'd like to kill myself but have consistently been too cowardly to do it.

>>14681 Intimacy issues as in?

Trust issues. Pretty standard.

a lot of the time I feel dissociated with myself. what i mean by that is when i do things i don't recognize it and a lot of the time i have to look back and i don't really feel anything about doing that and i don't really recall it too much. it concerns me because i don't know if this is a natural feeling that a human feels or not

>>14684 Oh boy...I'm not sure how much love my mom gave me as a child, but I get emotionally overwhelmed whenever people are intimate with me When girls hug me, even in a friendly way, I get surprised One of my best friends is a girl and she has done things like kiss me on the cheek after not seeing each other for a while. Stuff like that hits me hard, and I start to catch feelings for her. Or when friends, including males, disclose feelings and personal matters. I panic a bit and don't know what to say. Likewise, I rarely let them know about my emotions outside bursts that feel like I'm unloading on my therapist (which I don't have). I don't really want sex. But I crave to cuddle. I don't think I have a good understanding of what affection means. I see quasi-romantic reasons behind it. I don't think it's healthy. I also find it hard to love others and myself. I definitely trends towards selfish/egotistical, in that I don't think of others' needs before my own. Which is strange because there's a lot about myself I hate.

Recently I started hearing unintelligible voices in my head right before I go to sleep sometimes and I am deeply concerned about what that is going to lead to later on. Also generalized depression/anxiety/hating life/whatever although those are getting much better recently. My personal advice for those suffering from depression is: 1) Before you even read the rest of this post, read this story: http://harpers.org/wp-content/uploads/HarpersMagazine-1998-01-0059425.pdf 2) Realize that the greatest trick depression plays is that thinking about depression from a depressed state of mind creates a positive feedback loop and deeper depression. 3) Learn to become consciously aware of when depression is taking over your thoughts and replace that particular thought with a more rational one; Oftentimes a depressed mindset makes even simple problems seem insurmountable. I'm not going to lie and say that I found a perfect cure for a serious illness but it has worked wonders for me so far.

Depression, Anxiety. I don't trust people which keeps me isolated which feeds int it. Maybe bipolar and have some traits of OCD. Psychiatrist doesn't make it a point to diagnose me.

>>14679 On the autism spectrum, so was treated like I was mentally retarded a lot growing up. PTSD from some trauma experienced in the army. Major depression from under employment issues with the 'New Normal' job market and economy.

I suffer from amnesia

I have crippling death anxiety my own impending doom is literally all i can think of some days.

Diagnosed with Autism spectrum disorder.

I'm a psychopath :(

Selective Mutism. >>14815 This as well.

>>14815 Me, on the opposite, wait for it. I desire an ending.

Self-diagnosed ASD

Depression, anxiety, depersonalization/derealization. Schizoid personality disorder was thrown around but never diagnosed. I am on an antidepressant and relatively functional (I can take care of myself and not fail out of college), but I feel like I died years ago.

Social anxiety + no friends. I don't think I'm particularly weird, I just have a hard time bringing myself to get out of my comfort zone and make friends. Online friends help, but theres that missing physical human component and it doesn't feel very good.

i seem to believe i will never die. as if all those before me were too weak and i am just strong enough to live forever. i feel like i'm the one true übermensch. just waiting for the correct opportunity to change the world. this seems to drive away some people from me. thinking i'm just stark fuarrrk ing mad.

>>14922 hue. hello my exact opposite. I feel like my whole body slowly falls apart(well it's true, but it like it falls apart MORE than usual)

>>14886 Hey me too! We can be assholes together

im a disgusting tranny

Nothing too horrible. It's mostly short attention span, over-thinking things, a bit of self-doubt, which seem like pretty common issues these days. I've gone through some gray fits of "depression" in the past, but it was never diagnosed and didn't seem nearly as bad as what some people go through (hence the quotes).

>>14942 Either that isn't an issue and you're healthy the way you were born or you're not actually trans and should stop using the label out of respect to yourself.

>>14815 >>14922 I personally find it relieving to know that I will die someday--no matter how bad I fuarrrk up it's no big deal because it'll end soon enough anyway.

I had severe depression and was diagnosed with dysthymia when I was in high school Ended up in hospital several times for either suicide or self harm related issues. I was bullied and had a lot of home life problems that started when I was around 12, problems that got worse as time went on. I ended up having a worrying addiction to cutting and the rush that it gave me. It became the thing to do whenever I felt even remotely bad (which was almost every school day and every weekend during the worst of it). At some points I even was cutting in the middle of class though I made sure no one ever saw. I was on anti-depressants for a while but I knew my parents couldn't afford them so I went cold turkey and refused to take any more because of the price. Even though it was only like 20 bucks a fortnight, it was still too much in my mind. Needless to say after several months on them and a sudden stoppage I went through really bad phases, probably the worst I have ever had. it was pretty fuarrrk ing bad for me. I even had this weird thing where I had to prove to myself that my issues were worth complaining about. But hey, I managed to come out of it alive, that's something, isn't it?

>>14922 Not necessarily such an invalid assumption. We judge everything based off our experience- you've not experienced your own death before, thus, per your experience, you will not die.

>>14956 >I even had this weird thing where I had to prove to myself that my issues were worth complaining about. ^This. I feel I've to validate the way I feel. Whenever I'm at varying degrees of emptiness I almost desire and have to prove to myself that I've felt misery before.

>>14956 so how did you turn your state of self-destruction around?

>>14956 >this weird thing that's actually very typical. shame is an emotion that's very good at replacing other emotions. if you feel bad about something, feeling ashamed of feeling bad can make annoyed at yourself rather than in pain over a thing. it's a reflex. the problem is that, in the long run, it leads to avoiding the real issue so the problems keep coming back, and enough shame makes you hate yourself, leading to more feeling bad. it can be pretty toxic.

>>14977 That sounds right, it's a pretty shitty circle that doesn't really have a way out. I also had the idea that I had to be strong and not care about what bullies did or said. So when they hurt me emotionally, I couldn't accept I was hurting withoutaccepting that I was weak which I refused to do. Similar principle I suppose. >>14957 I am not really sure how tbh. I think once I finished school I didn't have to put up with the authority and stupid kids that I both hated it became easier to deal with. I also felt like I couldn't cut and feel sorry for myself anymore because outside of school there are no teachers and counselors to feel sorry for you. I forced myself to stop cutting just so I felt more like an adult and less like a kid. Its not like I am completely fine but now I have a job I feel a bit more independent. My apathy has also blunted the more extreme views I had on the world and has left me a little more well adjusted to survive daily life.

>>14953 Only tumblrette trannys don't have a degree of self hate.

Haven't had mental issues. But for a while my school didn't sell coffee and it seriously fuarrrk ed up my grades. I couldn't study or take anything seriously due to me being sleepy all the time. Made me really depressed My new school sold coffee, and my grades exploded. One of those small things you should think about when moving or getting a job.

Oh man.. Where do I start? For starters, I have either paranoid schizophrenia or PTSD from a fuarrrk ed up relationship that kind of destroyed me. I've got severe depression (who doesn't) and I don't take my meds (I can't afford them) My income is basically N/A, I'm almost 24 and I live with my mom and stepdad. I spend the majority of my day in IRC, and my sleeping schedule is sometimes Dymaxion and sometimes it's just fuarrrk ing retarded. (I slept for almost 20 hours a day or so ago) Oh.. and I've got this phobia of the weather that incapacitates me. (Pathetic right? No, shut up. It is. It's actually reasonable to be afraid of tornadoes, but freaking out over a grey cloud is just...wow.) I'm a massive lolicon. Oh, and to make matters worse, my dick is so big, every time I pop a boner, I nearly pass out from a head rush due to all the blood 'loss'.

>>14996 That's pretty true. Tumblr trannies post nudes all day to get guys to fap to them for validation.

>>14722 >Recently I started hearing unintelligible voices in my head right before I go to sleep sometimes and I am deeply concerned about what that is going to lead to later on. Might be hypnagogic hallucinations. I had them all my life. When I'm exhausted it's like sleeping in a pub full of people, all of them speaking at the same time. Sometimes they are acquitances of mine, but mostly they're strangers. They don't speak to me -- They just say random quotes without context. After a while I just fall asleep. If that's your situation, don't worry, it doesn't get worse or anything. They are the auditive version of the lights you see when you close your eyes. Please forgive my poor English.

Self diagnosis general.

>>15014 No they dont. Why would they need validation if they like themselves? Your logic is a bit fuarrrk y there boyo.

>>15018 No I'm diagnosed gender identity disorder.

>>15020 What you're diagnosed with is homosexuality.

>>15021 ahh hurt your feelings the way my gender and preference doesnt affect you in any way?

>>15023 >gender identity >lain chan what the fuarrrk ? This is like discussing bible phrases in a quantum physics forum.

>>15026 You mean, a Chinese competitive quilting forum.

I have some soft kind of depression or something, most of the times it doesn't really bothers me much because i'm on Effexor for some time now. The shitty thing begins when the Effexor is over or when i forget to take it.

>>14942 you're good lainon. you're good.

>>15026 please none of this edginess on lainchan. this is a chill chan.

>>15031 Denying science by saying you can be whatever gender you want is also not something that should be here. Let's not let the thread devolve into a discussion about this.

>>15032 I think you're agreeing with me here. If you're born transgendered, you're transgendered. You can't just choose to not be transgendered.

>>15034 I was going to say that it's a mental illness, but then I remembered what thread I was in. So I suppose I do agree with you.

>>15026 >>15032 So a thread about mental issues in which one can't talk about their specific personal issue... because you two are fuarrrk ing assholes .. >not on my lainchan Fuck off to the /pol/ ridden cesspool you came from.

>>15050 I hear that is a common symptom of a psychotic break. I was doing that for about a year of extreme pressure. I ended up dropping everything in my life and becoming a neet recluse for a yea at the height of such symptoms.

>>15042 Kek.

>>15050 >>15052 I've been doing this my whole life. You shouldn't find this comforting though, I'm completely bonkers. In all seriousness, speech rehearsal like that is pretty much ubiquitous and letting it spill out into actual speech is nothing serious at all. People mutter to themselves all the time, especially when stressed. It is true to say that it's a symptom of more serious problems but that's like saying that coughing is a symptom of the black death.

Depression and body image issues/anorexia. I'm getting better though.

>>15034 Isn't gender the self-constructed identity? I think the term "transgender" might be misleading then. I think i know what >>15020 feels. The wish just to be of the opposite physical sex. Maybe even independent of social role. I experience it too, but its not that bad that i'd risk SRS.

>>15076 Yeah the concept of gender as identification doesn't really mesh with the concept of "being" immutably one (patriarchal, western) gender "in your brain". But this sort of inconsistency is par for the third wave feminist course. Second wave feminism is the last crew that made any sense before the movement as a whole for fuarrrk ed by postmodernists and men. Maybe a more accurate diagnosis would be doublethink? But that's not in the dsm for obvious reasons.

Gender Identity Disorder is the official name of the disorder transsexuals or transgenders have under the DSM V. You guys are reading way to much into the use of specific words with strange argumental pick aparts. A transsexaul is a transgender who has received SRS. A transgender is some one who feels extreme bodily and mental discomfort with the gender of the sex they were born with.

>>15084 >the gender of the sex they were born with. *gender AND sex they were born with. >>15082 In the real world there are genders that people are subconsciously forced into no matter what your view points on the matter are.

>>15085 Even further if a transgender individual does not receive srs. There are a myriad of sexual differences. Differences in the way the brain responds to stimuli based on the hormones with in their body. Differences in facial structure. Skeletal structure. Fat distribution, body shape etc. If the want to change those is affront on feminism then the want to exercise in it's self is a affront on feminism.

>>14679 I got diagnosed a few months ago with ADD. Circumstances prior to this last year were not favorable to me, or others, noticing said condition, as I was not around many people, and my parents thought I was either lazy or not disciplined at first. >TFW mediocre high school GPA >Rarely followed through on things I was trying to learn >Got yelled at a decent amount as a child (by parents and others; luckily not in a harsh way) >TFW know that I have gotten in trouble specifically because of this disorder before I was diagnosed T-that part is mostly behind me, though. I am at uni now, and striving to get a 4.0. However, I have horrible time management skills Any guesses why? ;_; and thus my homework takes longer than it should. I am slowly but surely becoming sleep deprived, lainons.

>>15050 >>15051 Damn, I do that all the time. Where can I do more research about this that is'nt wikipedia?

>>15093 >Where can I do more research about this that is'nt wikipedia? Wikipedia is actually useful if you decide to use the sources Wikipedia cites.

I was diagnosed with chronic depression after my family drove me to see a psychiatrist. Can't blame them, I would drag myself to a doctor too I was someone else. Personally tough I call bull soykaf on that whole process, I don't want to swallow pills permanently to feel better. Don't get me wrong, I want to stop being in a useless state of mind. I want to get fixed, the only way it would work for me long-term is through self reflection and friends. I admit it does not work out as easy as prescriptions, I still fail to get myself together sometimes when going through tough times. But I feel that I gain more control over myself which helps me break out of such phases. Also I want to raise a question: How do you deal with a bad mindset around family lainons? Every time they know that something's up I have to turn them down to not burden them even more. This however bums out everyone even further, it can't be helped.

>>15104 Feeling just the same. The more you include them into your problems, the more they suffer and thus make you suffer. There is no way, than going out of yourself on your own. Depression is a contagious disease. One has to suffer the way out or the way in. Either way will lead to death, but one of them will grant some reward, while the other just bears despair until it ends,

>>15107 >Depression is a contagious disease. Yah, recently I had a pretty bad hit of depression (that had components of psychosis and intense physical discomfort) and I've been keeping everyone I know ignorant I'm tired of being that super-negative person in all my friends' lives

>>15013 Show it.

I am a normie that is overly paranoid sometimes. Other than that I am fully functioning.

I've thought a lot about the intrinsic roles we are inherently disposed to fill by our true natures, and think that if you can narrow down what your internal directives [are], and seperate them from what you know others maintain your external function [should be], then you can find a clearer vision of your most likely role in this current epoch. Long ago, we may have been well-suited to be medicine men, or shamans, or lorekeepers of our villages. Those same fundamental processes churn away in our minds, but the artifical layers of society in which we are forced to live under have distorted all things and made it hard to even exist inside of ourselves. I'm not designed to handle a mortgage, of this I am certain. Soon I will have to act as executor of my father's estate, though... I find that I am compelled beyond anything to dole out re-programming information, if that makes sense. People may incorrectly conclude that I am bossy, or selfish, or trying to force them to become someone else, but as far as I can tell, my natural role is to use information and data to guide others. If they don't want to listen to what I have to say, then I don't mind at all, but their role is therefore one of avoidance of growth. My music is just an extension of this, as it sees me using soundwaves to try and alter the states of mind of other human beings, in the same way that my spoken words and written text are just tools to induce knowledge, using 0s and 1s to try to bring about new states of mind. I am not a realtor, or a cashier, or a builder...these things don't fit me and don't last when I try to do them. I am however, a reclusive data-collector, and the more I realize that this human behavior comes naturally to me, the easier days can become (unless they were always going to be those days which seem barely survivable)

>>14815 Not to start an argument, but what about death makes you believe it is the end? It seems to have about as much evidence as immortality, which is essentially none. Apologizing ahead for being one of those annoying neutrals.

I'm never going to amount to anything.

>>15167 No one will.

>>15159 You forgot about the hijra People were never natural.

MDD and anxiety. Have selfdiagnosed HPPD but it has been getting much better recently. I am not taking my medicine, fuarrrk that soykaf, it only fueled anxiety and hallucinations.

Severe social anxiety. This turns often turns into depression, because, well, I can't do much (other than university where I skilfully avoid socialisation-requiring courses). On the path to wizardry.

>>15089 What changed?

>>15183 This is the fuarrrk ing bull soykaf that pisses me off. Nothing in this post was about trannies. But you assume everything is about you (because you've been socialized male, partially) and respond as if it is. Christ, cut off your dick if you want, you'll never lose the male entitlement unless you confront it directly, but you won't because you'd rather believe that taking lessons on how to uptalk and walk in high heels makes you a woman.

>>15130 I recently had more of a rough patch than usual and everything splashed over onto my family and friends. Never again.

hello NSA I have trust issues. I am very good at making friends but most people seem distant for some reason

>>14683 it's gonna be okay, you'll make it. I think I know how you feel. my life has fallen apart many times, and every time I've been through it and learned from it. my love has kept me going and if it got you to here it will keep you going too. I believe in you its not BS if it works I like you and all I've read was one post. I often used to think nobody liked me, then I started sharing all of the kindness I could muster and people started sharing it with me and each other things break and thats okay. you aren't bad because of it, its just how things are

Definitely ADHD...

People with self diagnosed ADHD, why not get a diagnosis? It can't be that hard if chads in college do it to pass their finance midterm. Do you not want to take meds?

>>14679 ABDL but i understand most of us are sperglords who are creeps so I keep that soykaf to myself. Trans but same as above keep on the down low as much as humanly possible. anxiety and depression but thats gone away a lot since I got a job the requires me being physical a lot, my therapists recommended exercise forever and I was fuarrrk ing pathetic to reject it but its doing wonders now. I used to consider nihilistic feelings like I dont matter and nothing I'll probably ever do or anyone I'll ever know will matter but now I just accept it and I'm happier than buying into the idea I'm special

>>15283 I tried to get a diagnosis but they loaded me up with anti psychotics and I couldn't handle it.

>>15339 they also treated me like a liar.

>>15340 But actual liars can and do get adderall scripts all the time. Why not just go to an easier doctor?

>>15393 maybe not as easily as you think. upper class people get the easy doctors, but if you're poor then you're stuck with the bad doctors who don't want to give you anything for fear of being a criminal

I have been struggling a lot with maintaining an either religious or Atheistic viewpoint of reality. It really irks me, far more than the average person, that one of the biggest questions out there is unfalsifiable and I am completely ignorant to it. I get the whole "ego" thing, but I just cannot stop thinking about it no matter how much I tell myself that. I'm not afraid of death or lack of purpose, I just want to know, regardless of what is true.

I have really bad problems with motivation, I want to do a lot of things and learn as much as I can before I croak but I just can't physically force myself to move

>>15397 Rich people don't pay out of pocket even for psychiatrists. If you have insurance you should still be able to shop around. If you don't, obviously it's another can of worms.

>>15457 Too real

>>15013 >Oh, and to make matters worse, my dick is so big, every time I pop a boner, I nearly pass out from a head rush due to all the blood 'loss'. >weather phobia >wouldn't download a meme dude you are either a troll or the protagonist in a comedy.

>>15434 do read into epistemology if not already, even the assumption that there is a truth to be known is kinda fuzzy.

I have a problem with reading, I can't even read a full article without getting distracted or bored

>>15013 >my dick is so big, every time I pop a boner, I nearly pass out from a head rush due to all the blood 'loss'. Whut. The answer to all your problems is right there then: Do Porn.

I hate myself and find it hard to speak up when I need to. 2nd to last paragraph of >>14956 is pretty accurate to how I feel. lately I've noticed that I sometimes refer to myself as "we", should I be worried?

When I go to bed I imagine I'm a qt that's cuddling up to me. It helps me sleep. I've heard this is common but I'm worried because I don't want to 1: start talking like a qt in my sleep and creep people out or 2: end up at a point where I can't comfortably have qts cuddle with me because I'm more comfortable with someone's arms around me or lying on someone's chest.

>>15434 I've been having similar problems to you. I've been having problems with wanting to be Christian again because I love the fellowship and whatnot and it would help me bond with my family, but at the same time I honestly don't believe in god or the afterlife or anything like that.

>>15545 >lately I've noticed that I sometimes refer to myself as "we", should I be worried? Enjoy your demon. Seriously though, get that thing out of you.

>>15545 >lately I've noticed that I sometimes refer to myself as "we", should I be worried? I have noticed that people that are afraid during fight or flight response of having a debate with somone will fall back on using plurals to back up their points(and mostly use "we" to fall back onto the idea that their opinion is backed up by some larger group, more people than person is arguing with). ie "Well, we don't care about what your opinion is" I would like to ask you, when do you use this "we"? During debates with others or everyday use? It might be that you're using this mental idea of tribe behind your back to not feel scared during your whole day because you feel scared of other people?

I take anti-depressants which work wonders. Most times I'm pretty neutral, not feeling anything. It's rare that I get ecstatic or sad. I'm at my baseline so I'm comfortable with it, I still have a good time socializing and having the buttsaxu so no complaints. The GovCorps' drugs are working so far. I do have anxiety issues though, I vent it by chewing the skin areas around my fingernails. I try not to do it too much but idk. Finally I have visual snow which means I can barely tell if it's raining lightly or if it's my eyes. It's not too obvious as you might expect, but it might just be with me for so long that I don't notice it as unusual sometimes. is like kicking dead whales down the beach not being able to fall for optical illusions, everyone seems to enjoy their weirdness.

I suppose I could use the opportunity to vent. I'm not sure what, if any, mental illnesses I have. Nothing major, I suspect; I haven't been to see my GP about anything. I've considered it, but I always change my mind and think something along the lines of "get over it, it's not the end of the world". I don't often feel depressed, at least not these days. Stressed, certainly. Quite a lot lately. I often catch myself making stupid fuarrrking decisions, even after having identified the better decision to make and being consciously aware of what I'm doing. I don't have a clue why, I just seem to tell myself "it'll be okay" or something along those lines. I've lost a couple of jobs this way. I suppose in the long run it has worked out okay--I'm still alive, my girlfriend hasn't left me, and apart from the aforementioned stress I'm generally okay. But this behavior niggles at me. I try not to focus on the past, but I find myself doing it fairly often regardless, and it's always about all the stupid decisions. I tell myself I won't make one again, that I'll stop myself and do what I know is right, but I think it's unlikely I'll ever follow through. I lie quite a lot. Even to the people I love. (You could say especially to the people I love.) I despise myself for it, but it's so hard for me to control. The second there's even the hint of an opportunity for it, my brain has fired into overdrive and constructed one, and I blurt it out. Most of the time there isn't even anything to gain, in fact it'd often be easier to just tell the truth, but I do it anyway. I've talked to the people closest to me about this, so they aren't overly hurt when I do it... or so they say. I should still (somehow) make more of an effort to pack it in, though. I think that's about it. Depression seems so rampant. You hear about it on the news, but the scope of it doesn't really sink in until you meet people affected by it, whether online or off.

I don't know. I've been diagnosed with severe depression (+symptoms of psychosis) for the last decade now. I've always had huge issues with trust and intimacy. I got addicted to self-harm and developed an eating disorder. At some point when I was still underage, I practically fled my home due to not wanting to deal with an abusive and unstable single parent. Moving alone to another city while suffering from depression resulted in me being a RHINO at school for years, living as a shut-in; no friends or family, nothing. When I wasn't sleeping, I was playing games and fapping. I occasionally tried to go to school, but almost always just left after attending one class or sometimes immediately after arriving. Just felt like I was an outsider, and that everyone knew I shouldn't be there. My ability to speak was severely impaired, though I tried to remedy this with talking to myself. I gained ~20kg due to meds, binge eating and a seriously inactive lifestyle. I just wanted to die, but I thought it would be utterly shameful to off myself without even graduating from high school. Things are better now; I switched schools and got myself a working medication. I also started jogging and lost about 10kg. I now live with a family member and my best friend; it's nice to have a chance at some basic human interaction every day. I'm about to graduate in two months, after that I'm going to enroll to a university and probably study something science-related. I doubt I'll ever be as good as my peers, since I've basically just wasted my youth (I'm 23 soon) doing nothing. I know I had dreams and aspirations as a kid (doctor, hacker, something related to cybernetics maybe etc.), but they all seem to be so out of my reach I don't know what to do with my life.

I'm constantly depressed, attach myself to people to the point where I'm obnoxious, have really bad body image issues, dissociate, and have no self confidence. Also, I constantly feel like my life is spiraling out of control and all I can do is sit there and curl up in a ball and watch, even though reasonably there are so many things I can do to stop it or at least slow it down. And I'm trans, if that counts. Fun soykaf lainons. Fun soykaf ...

How is everyone doing?

>>15630 are you me?

>>17183 Decently, I am physically healthy, so that's something. Mentally on the other hand, I'm a mess. Can't really get along with people, very anxious too and can't handle change very well. I close myself off of the world, sit in my room all day without friends and very little contact with family. I don't even feel depressed, I just feel neutral but I do feel that this mindset of mine really keeps me from making anything of my life, I am NEET, with no dreams or anything, I just live. I am working to fix this, got diagnosed with something from the autism spectrum, getting some help for that now too but it all takes a lot of time.

>>15594 There is nothing stopping you from being as good as your peers. You are a little behind, but you should just keep focusing on improving yourself. Measure your progress relative to yourself. Solidarity from another depressed Lainon trying to get his soykaf together.

Constant paranoia. Not about other people, but about rockets dropping close to me. Really weird and annoying because loud noises seem to always start it up.

I don't know what it's called other than social retardation basically I barely speak to people, I cant really make eye contact if I do speak with them also I cannot talk about my self at all. I don't make friends and if I do some how end up with some I have no problems cutting off all communications with them whenever it suits me. Generally I feel like everyone is judging everything I do, down to how I am breathing and walking.

>>15222 The amount of education. My mother heard something about it and researched it. Brought it up to me a bit and then talked to the Doctor about it when I was there for my physical, but I denied I had any such thing, even though I didn't really have any good idea what it was. Why? Well, I was afraid of that "disorder" part of being diagnosed with ADD. I thought that that would mean there was something inherently wrong with my brain, and I didn't want that. And my doctor said that he wouldn't diagnose anyone with something like that if the patient themself didn't agree. After that, I started looking up stuff about it on the side. You know the official lists they have? And some of them list behaviors and such and say that if you meet like half of them you probably have a disorder? Well, reading them and seeing that I fit every single criterion made me start thinking. Thus, my attitude change, and when I went back in to see my doctor, he and I had a serious discussion about it, and I got a diagnosis. Life has improved greatly since then, and I am close to getting my 4.0, if I just don't mess up on anything from here out.

My depression has increased dramatically in the past two months. My girlfriend is saying that she is tired of me, and I'm scared of being alone. Yet she also says that she'll love me no matter what, and that she won't leave me. I believe her, but that doesn't stop me from feeling like crap. And she gets really upset when I talk to her about my issues. But at least I have a therapist, and that helps me a lot.

>>17882 I managed to make a friend on the internet after years of nothingness, and now I block all his communications when possible because I just don't feel like talking to him anymore. It's my fault I'm alone.