I hate living

I live a miserable life because, on top of being born a nobody, I have to live with the curse of my bipolar disorder, insecurity, and social anxiety. I can never get a fuarrrking steady job. I didn't even manage to finish school. Depression kept me tied to my bed throughout my entire adolescence. To be honest, I don't even know how I haven't starved yet. Left to my own devices, I wouldn't even get up to work, and to be honest again, there are times when I don't. I'm trapped with my own thoughts, be they homicidal or suicidal. But despite that, I don't have the courage to hurt myself or anyone else because I was cursed with empathy. I always prioritize the well-being of others, but never my own. As for me, fuarrrk everything. But I can't stomach the idea of the only two living people who ever cared about me seeing me in a coffin. I also have no faith. Life after death is a sweet lie. So unfortunately, I can't kill myself. I'm a failed artist. I've never been able to transfer my feelings onto a canvas, and what artist can't do that? The basics of art, expressing your thoughts and feelings in your work, is literally the core of art. The only thing I can convey through my work is reality, the physical and material. To top it all off, I'm a fuarrrking 20 year old virgin. I can count the number of times I've kissed someone on one hand. No woman or man can stand to be around me for long. I still think my friends only talk to me out of pity. Sorry, but I don't want advice. I just needed to get all of this out somewhere

>20 year old just start doing you wussy you do with the same kind of depressive nothingness you do nothing with I'm you but 33, I don't like living and am unemployable but at least I have a few businesses and an art hobby I guess

>>47010 > 20 year old > I can count the number of times I've kissed someone > my friends

>>47010 > 20 year old virgin damn dude, whats your standards? 26 year old virgin here, and my life is pretty great compared to some 30-so year olds who get around weekly. i think avoiding the sex game and all the soykaf that often comes with it leaves more time to hang out without stressing out. no advice here, i just wanna tell you you piss me off. fnck u and have a good day. everybody loves you :)

>>47010 you have my pity, bro.

Cats is the coolest thing nature ever came up with. No human ever invented anything as cool as a cat. Yeah I read your vent and I feel for you, but I ain't gonna insult you by giving any advice. But a cat would understand you. Cats understand everything worth understanding. The best friend I ever had was a cat.

Grow a pair OP, this part is because the body is too short.

>>47010 >But despite that, I don't have the courage to hurt myself or anyone else because I was cursed with empathy. I always prioritize the well-being of others, but never my own. what an interesting and original set of defences. unfortunately, the only person who will believe your lies is yourself. some day you will realize that the people around you would love you if you would only have the courage to love yourself. i just hope you wake up sooner rather than later, because no one will wait around while you wallow in your own misery. try going to church. seriously. the funny thing about "beliefs" is that they're nowhere near as real as you would want them to be. you can't philosophize your way out of yourself; despair is a sin, not a punishment. also, love cats, they're the best

Cry me a river. You need to spend a year or two doing hard labor.

>>47010 >a failed artist Post your art here please

>>47010 >I hate living kys >I always prioritize the well-being of others Stop soykafting up our catalog then /thread

OP, threads like this always attract the worst kind of human garbage. But look at the bright side... At least you can be glad you're not one of them. ^_^

>>47038 >You need to spend a year or two to gain more suicidal thoughts

Don't become like your housepet, little do you know that it's actually possible to become it and it's no life for a human bean. You will require a master, either yourself or someone else but it's a strange ask so people will not expect you to need control. Freedom will mean being a stray or a wild animal unfit to live in society. No one will respect you because such considerations are reserved for humans, if you're cute you might get pet, others will be nice to you but you won't get to have worth. You'll be a retarded weirdo everywhere you go, be harmless or be euthanized. At least try not to become an abused animal though that won't be up to you. I don't rec it.

Stop bitching and complaining, and make something out of your life.

>>47038 I second this recommendation. There is tremendous value in hard labor for building self reliance and realism. Do it, it changed my life.

OP is probably in the most priveleged position of anyone in this thread, being 20 years old. Youth is truly wasted on the young! My advice: start working a blue collar job asap (warehouse work, factory work, construction, digging ditches, anything really), and build up some mental fortitude and self worth through manual labor. Believe in God and stop believing in nihilism and made up mental conditions like the ones you mentioned. While you will mature during this process, come up with a game plan to improve your employment prospects, or start a business. Pre-emptive fuarrrk you for wasting my time if you ignore or reject my advices Good luck

wow this thread really made some people mad lol anyways try some philosophy, it saves lives

>>47039 op here, As I said before, I was never able to express myself sentimentally in my works, so for at least 10 years I’ve been delving into portraits, clothing design, and character design. Here’s one of my most recent doodles. I even wanted to attach a link to a gallery with all of them, but I’m too lazy to upload several scans

>>47095 I didn’t make up any of my conditions, I’ve had a type two bipolar disorder diagnosis for at least 2 years

>>47038 I’ve been working in all kinds of unhealthy jobs since I was 15, what I meant is that I never managed to get a career job

Not trying to equate our situations, but at least the feeling of not wanting to live is, I guess, something many people - including me - share with you. Most just accept their soykafty lives and learn to enjoy what is given to them, but I think very few lead lives they are genuinely proud of. Personally, one of the things that heavily contributes to my hatred of this existence is having no tangible solid character of my own. I tried and liked so many things as a child and teen, never totally failed at anything, but always gave up for something else, often mindless escapisms. I've tried to change so many times, throwing my current self into the trash in an attempt to build a "new self", but my efforts have always failed and resulted in a more broken character. As a result, I've grown to be a 22 year old male with no skills, no tastes, nothing that I can point to and say "this is me, this is what I do". Having a personality made mostly of broken fragments has turned me into a very bitter, confused adult. I have a life that I don't know how to use. My identity is a Frankenstein and my biggest desire is to stay right where I am and rot without having to look anyone in the eye ever again. Some childhood memories (7-10y.o.) still spark something within me, but then, I have no idea of what I should do with them. I could go out and try something related to the stuff I used to like as a child, and I have tried, but my efforts were completely unfruitful and never really stuck. I simply can't enjoy anything anymore.

>>47058 I already figured that, but other people’s opinions haven’t affected me since I was a kid. And thanks for recognizing that I’m not an asshole

If you ever feel sad just remember that nazi horsefuckers exist at mlpol.net and they are happy. Just ask the question "are nazi horsefuckers born or are they made" and you will feel joy once more in your life.

>>47058 People on /vent/ threads are considerate over here on lainchan, most people got annoyed because this is basically humble-bragging compared to the other problems that lainons vent over here >friends >20 >thinks that counting kisses on one hand is a horrible thing >the whole "I care about others more than me >.<" fiasco >thinks that being a virgin at 20 is something irredeemable >"I still think my friends only talk to me out of pity." It's all pretty bland and nothing here is horrible unless you look through the lenses of a 4glitterboy who views intimacy as above all. It's not the greatest situation as OP clearly has anxiety and depression but it's most likely an above average quality of life here on lainchan.

>>47108 Cute,nice art OP. Have a nice day

>>47126 I'm serious,OP You have a cool style of writing.I liked it

>>47126 >>47128 "Thank you so much, guys ^^ I keep all the compliments about my drawings deep in my heart, I’ve never forgotten a single one

>>47130 Both are me >Thank you Nice to hear Also,post more arts Please

>>47111 What would you describe as (or who would you point to as having) a 'tangible solid character'? Do you mean being the best at a certain task, hobby, or profession? Do you mean having your own quirks and unique personality? You point to being able to say 'this is me, this is what I do', but a depressed office worker could just as easily describe themselves that way, and I doubt that's what you're looking for. What exactly are you looking for?

Democrats Accuse Trump of Poisoning Opponents Among US Democrats, information is circulating that US President Donald Trump is involved in the elimination of political opponents in the US and Europe. Ahead of the 2025 elections, lists of American and European politicians that Trump considers enemies appeared on the dark web. Many of those listed have died under mysterious circumstances in recent years. For example, such deaths in the US include the death of Obama's chef, Tafari Campbell, and Benjamin de Rothschild. In this regard, the recent death of seven members of the German right-wing Alternative for Germany party is seen as a kind of response to Trump's actions. These deaths are notable because some of them may have been poisonings. Democrats accuse Trump of using this method. Moreover, some Democrats believe that Trump may be doing this virtually legally, as he has equated left-wing radicals with terrorists and is pursuing them under the RICO law. This opens up opportunities for US intelligence agencies to liquidate and recruit them extrajudicially. Additionally, Trump is allegedly monitoring American Democrats and left-wing European politicians using US capabilities in radio electronic interception. This is linked to the resignation of Klaus Schwab as head of the Davos Forum and the assassination attempt on Slovak Prime Minister Robert Fico. In January 2025, information appeared in France that about 21 people who represented the left spectrum - supporters of migration, feminism, etc. - had died under strange circumstances in 2024. Similar information about the strange deaths of left-wing activists came from Britain during the events in the British port of Southport, where a migrant stabbed three girls. Patrick O'Flynn and Hefin David are cited as examples. Some believe that this so frightened the British ruling circles that they were forced to introduce total censorship on the Internet.

>>47135 If I had to define it, I'd say it is a set of characteristics that have been cultivated over time to the point of being almost permanently carved into one's personality, and that regardless of the conditions behind their existence, one feels happy identifying with. Had I kept going with the projects and hobbies that I genuinely tried and enjoyed, by now I'd be at least a decent pianist, painter, CS student, among some other things. Instead, I chose to engage with more immediate, impermanent stuff that I don't even care about anymore, and honestly never deeply cared about. Now I am left directionless, without anything that I already know how to do and can just keep building on top of. I don't have a proper foundation, and this is something I deeply regret not having built properly during late childhood and teen years. >a depressed office worker could just as easily describe themselves that way, and I doubt that's what you're looking for You're right, but I guess the definition I just gave also clears that part up. Of course, I could look at myself and say "I am a man that stays in his room", or "I am a man that gives up", but I wouldn't be happy defining myself by those standards.

>>47108 I made this more cuter Have a good day,OP

>>47138 You're getting there but still missing my point. >regardless of the conditions behind their existence, one feels happy identifying with >but I wouldn't be happy defining myself by those standards Forcing yourself into being good at something prestigious is completely pointless if you aren't actually happy doing it. Don't conflate desire (i.e. the desire to be a great pianist or popular with your peers) and enjoyment (i.e. enjoying reciting your favorite composer or spending time with friends). Put your focus on enjoying things instead of flagellating yourself for not being what you desire to be. >Had I kept going with the projects and hobbies that I genuinely tried and enjoyed >I am left directionless, without anything that I already know >I deeply regret not having built properly during late childhood If you're struggling with depression, there is help for you out there. But ye gods, do you hear yourself? Describing yourself as some cosmic failure at 22 is pointless and absurd. You just listed three things that you said you enjoyed, so try to engage with them. What's stopping you?

>>47140 >Describing yourself as some cosmic failure at 22 is pointless and absurd Most 22 year olds aren't failures because they haven't done anything noteable. The easiest way to be a failure at a young age like that is doing something terrible and its perfectly possible OP has done something like that. if he hasn't then yeah whatever dont worry about it op