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anyone have experience/advice on fixing anhedonia? been depressed for years and these days it never feels like i'm happy, just momentarily okay. even really good things in my life i struggle to feel any real excitement for. thinking of going back on some kind of medication for the mood swings from my BPD; SSRIs didnt seem to do much for me back in the day. not sure what hope there really is.

>>43353 My heart goes out to you. Several years ago I was afflicted with anhedonia after succumbing to brain damage. I did little else other than surf the Internet, lie in bed and stare at the wall (or the ceiling.) In my experience, it wasn't "fixing" my anhedonia so much as forcibly acclimating myself to numerous small changes that summed into a net positive. I adjusted my expectations and told myself that what had happened to me was inexplicable and wholly unnatural, and that I have to undo this abject lack of pleasure by similarly unconventional means. What helped the most was identifying my passions as well as building a routine. Neither of these should be complex - the point is to get you up and doing something now while occasionally thinking about the future via introspection. Anhedonia isn't generally recognised by physicians or psychiatrists, at least in how I had contracted it. Therefore I did my research and found ways to stimulate reward mechanisms as well as reinvent entire aspects of my life. At first I read about electrical engineering and transmuted my flat joylessness into fodder for different characters I penned in manuscripts. I would do things like listen to stories piped through my earphones as I stumbled outside, obligating myself to drudgery like digging larger rocks out of the fields on my property and carrying bundles of them to the woods. I made myself go outside and purchase groceries. I cooked, established a firm hygiene regimen and got a job. I listened to music intuitively and kept in touch with penpals I'd made the two years beforehand. At the time, none of this was fun or entirely pleasant. As imperceptible as these changes were, they eventually manifested in a worthwhile fashion. My life was reconstituted, as it were. It took several years and many nights of heartache. I accepted that I may never reacquire the quality of life I had before, but I've had minor breakthroughs. I've found enjoyment in being industrious, I like going outside and find (limited) contact with others, namely through my job, to be soothing. I like writing more than ever, and the agony I was dealt has become the catalyst for genuine empathy. I like to think that these experiences were a test, and my survival indicates not only my fecundity but also the tenacity I was able to put forth. If I were you, I'd dig deep and analyse how BPD has limited your potential, possibly with a therapist's guidance. I'd ask my doctor if it was okay to have balanced meals on a consistent basis and ensure that I had a reasonably sleeping schedule. I'd experiment with various pastimes and push myself to the limit until I've felt the catharsis of truly hard work. At any rate, I would be defining the problem and not allow the problem to define me.

What I do is I catch myself thinking about all kinds of bad memories and fears and situations, and I remember to eject all of that crap out of my head. Then, immediately I start feeling better. Not great or anything. but not too bad. And I can get into doing something that keeps me occupied and more or less feeling ok for a while. Then there's a chance that I might actually accidentally feel good about something unexpectedly. Sorry, that's the best I can offer.

It's never clear if BPD means bipolar or borderline personality disorder

In this case it's pretty clear from the context that it means bipolar disorder.

>>43354 incremental progress is the way i guess. difficult when you have trouble with anything that doesn't give immediate gratification but I guess that's what discipline is. thanks man. >>43391 i meant borderline; i thought bipolar had a different acronym