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What do you do when you start getting dangerously obsessed with someone? There's a woman that I've been talking to online for quite a while, and met a few times. The problem is I am completely destroying myself. I spend just about every waking second thinking about her, I constantly check her socials to see if she's posted anything new. I look at the comments on her posts until I feel physically ill. Whether I have a good day is almost dependent on how much she messages me. Does anyone have any advice on getting over something like this?

Fell for the trap once or twice, regretted every single time. What doesn't fail is that everyone deserves hate, so I concentrate on this bad sides and develop hatred until obsession stops exiting. But usually I just hate people unconditionally so I don't have to worry about obsessions. You filthy creatures just don't deserve my attention.

Try to refocus your energy from watching her to doing things that she'll find funny or interesting. They should be cool things, don't be a reply guy, but do be a persistent courtier. Propose to her soon and in a remarkable way, and if she says no, do it again in a different remarkable way.

>>41791 Take a deep breath and find something else to do that draws your focus. Remind yourself that idolizing someone this way is unrealistic and unsustainable. She's just a normal person, too. Your value is not a function of the attention she gives you. Your happiness shouldn't be either. Remind yourself of the pragmatics: if you allow yourself to obsess in this way, it will drive her away (unless she is crazy herself, in which case your future together will be bleak). It's like the wooks say: you gotta, like, be zen, man. If you need help transitioning out of obsession, do something and motivate yourself with "when I make progress on this project, I'll have something interesting to talk about with her, and if she doesn't care, I'll at least have this project, and other people will talk to me about it." Eventually you should stop using her as motivation, but maybe this will help get the ball rolling on focusing elsewhere. When all else fails, there's the immature classic of picturing her with violent diarrhea and hoping that puts you off her enough (or at least humanizes her enough) that your mind can focus on other things.

>>41791 i was in a similar situation with a girl in that i liked her, and tried talking to her a lot but had little success with my chatting, although i think she liked me even though i thought my conversation bored her. i ended up driving her away i think because i had nothing of substance to say and wouldnt shut the fuarrrk up, and was super neurotic. anyway after i scared her away i just stopped paying attention to her and focused on other girls, and this got her attention for whatever reason, though i'd moved past her by then so i didnt bother when she starting reaching out to me. just my two cents. all i know is focusing constant attention on her will do you no good.

>>41791 > What do you do when you start getting dangerously obsessed with someone? I usually make a complete and utter fool of myself. Doesn't everyone? > Does anyone have any advice on getting over something like this? The tried and true method is to tell her something so rude and offensive that she will never talk to you again. Once all hope is lost you can start to heal.

>The tried and true method is to tell her something so rude and offensive that she will never talk to you again. Once all hope is lost you can start to heal. This but unironically. Every single woman I have ever been interested in never wanted anything with me, and all the time thinking about them is too painful to bear, so what I do now is be a complete asshole to anyone who tickles my fancy so I can push them away before my stupid monkey brain has the chance to fixate on them. Imagine I'm a cute tsundere, but with none of cuteness and all of the mental illness.

all this advice about breaking out of it by totally alienating the girl and loosing all hope of talking to her again what if I want the girl and just recognize that compulsive obsessiveness is not bringing me closer to that goal ?

>>41804 I think that's called (i) being reasonable and (ii) needing a better peer group than lainchan. The best advice I've ever heard on this kind of thing was when my advisor amended "care less" to "care about other things more." This kind of fixation on one source of satisfaction tends to be a sign of an empty lifestyle and can perhaps be lightened by experimenting with new experiences and hobbies. Also, if this person is the only real human contact you have, that's going to factor in as well, in which case the advice would become "care about other things (and people) more." That said, infatuation has long been considered a typical human mental "failure state," to the point that medieval writers described falling in love as a disease with known symptoms. If nothing else works, just tell yourself you've caught a kind of fever that is known to pass with time. If it really worries you, use some anxiety-management techniques to reassure yourself that you're not losing control of yourself, just experiencing a particular kind of mental phenomenon. You can also use the fixation to fuel a creative endeavor, like writing a poem about your beloved or the experience itself.

>>41804 >>41810 Oh, also, the tactful admission of being infatuated is often considered highly flattering. What is more attractive than the desire of a person who is both (i) desirable and (ii) non-threatening?

I think this is a reflection of your self worth. I had the same issue in grade school, but upon reflection I had very low self worth nor knowledge of how a healthy relationship would look like. It made me obsess over people to a degree I'd even cut myself (thanks fuarrrkhead family). Maybe try therapy, but perhaps a better idea is getting yourself in an environment where you can reflect on your past without negative influence, stress, or self judgement. It took me going homeless to get there and I'd do it again if I had to.

Easy, just don't follow everything she does except maybe late night when you know likely no one else would respond to her so if she is ever in need you can reach out to her, but ideally you want to set it up so she comes to you instead so you don't feel like you have to watch over her.

>>41804 >what if I want the girl in that case just do whatever youll invariably fail and become bitter and resentful like the rest of us

>>41995 Thank you. This brings me peace and confirms the notion that my isolation from the world for all these years has not been without meaning.

>>41995 >resentful like the rest of us speak for yourself, spineless excuse for a network node. you are bitter because your frontal lobe doesn't practically exist. i won't be surprised if one your parents happens to not be a human being.

>>41794 Spot on. OP don't follow the other's moronic advice of developing a superiority and being an asshole to the girl so you don't get rejected first. Remember she's not an angel or a whore or whatever. Just a normal person, with her own problems, trauma, projects, etc. I strongly encourage you to start a project or something you're passionate about other than a girl you met recently. Obsessing with someone is usually because you don't have much going on. Start reading sth, do carpentry, learn an instrument, learn to do electrical connections, whatever. Godspeed