(untitled)

How have you been lately, anon(ette)?(USER WAS WARNED FOR THIS POST, You should always elaborate on your opinions rather than just spilling the soykaf.)

I had a week of free time and I feel like I wasted it. :/ I have so many little tasks to do, I keep procrastinating and not doing any of them. Since about half a year ago I have not really had a "big" personal software project I could continuously work on, maybe that's the problem. I ought to choose something concrete to work on and keep chipping away at it over time, so there's always something to look forward to.

>>38669 >anonette It's just anon. The idea is that no one knows you are male or female. Get with the program, lainon.

>>38679 yeah but how else are the dickless freaks that infest this place going to feel validated if you use anon?

Swell. Finished a heaping of work, now I just wander around the streets with no destination in mind. It's very tranquil.

>>38681 That's why I exclusively misgender everybody. It gets confusing sometimes, but it's worth it for equality.

I'm strangely angry and enraged at the world. I don't know why but life seems to piss me off and give me a headache. I feel exhausted by life. I feel disappointed in people. I keep trying to explain the importance of privacy only to be called a conspiracy theorist or paranoid. I can't find work. I can't find people to talk to. I've developed this rage and hatred towards women. Specifically younger women and girls my age. I have a lot of respect for older women, lot of elderly Latinas and Maya here with lots of wisdom and guidance and they raised me since my parents weren't around. But then I see the way the average normal girl dresses, the way she talks, her attitude and I just hate them. I hate being attracted to them. I'm seriously afraid I'm going to end up going down the incel rabbit hole. I don't think I'm a legit misogynist. I just get this feeling that a lot of women suck at being women. No responsibility, no sense of dignity and honor, no attempt at being upstanding or carrying yourself with respect. Guys are like this too but I'm not full of rage towards them. I need therapy. I can't afford it. Sorry for the rant I should have posted this in /vent/

>>38686 >i can see how incels are right about everything but i dont want to be one of them! my own eyes must be wrong somehow! orwellian >I need therapy. I can't afford it. dont worry about it, its a meme

>>38686 >I keep trying to explain the importance of privacy only to be called a conspiracy theorist or paranoid. >I can't find work. >I can't find people to talk to. You keep trying to explain the importance of privacy to distract yourself from your actual problems in life. It's like when people fantasize about the end of the world. If you pretend everything is hopeless anyway, you let yourself off the hook for giving up. Also: >I've developed this rage and hatred towards women. >I hate being attracted to them. No Nut November is rough on everyone lol

>>38686 >But then I see the way the average normal girl dresses, the way she talks, her attitude and I just hate them. >I just get this feeling that a lot of women suck at being women. >I don't think I'm a legit misogynist. Kek

A simultaneous release of euphoric, enthusiastic vision and pure, unbridled fear of what lies ahead. I won't get into much detail aside from the fact that I've chosen to live authentically - hitherto a preposterous idea - knowing that I'm definitely walking to my eventual ruin. In the end I deserve whatever happens, but when that comes I fully intend on working on what I can.

It's sunday evening and I'm having a bottle of the official blade runner drink. I'm literally Ryan Guzzling cyber drunk. These moments will be lost in time because I won't remember em the next day, cheers fellow lainons

>>38686 I seriously suggest that you get off this site, other chans and whatever other bullshit you are consuming online. Thought patterns like this are destructive and basically negate any chance of establishing a connection with a woman. You are clearly already internalising incel bullshit which will lead you towards misery.

I had a moment of weakness, but then remembered that's why I have friends for and hung out with them. Feels good. Now the only thing bothering me is some slight wrist pain, but I carry on.

>>38748 Nice sentiment, mister white knight, and while I agree that he should avoid those incel forums since they only echo rage about not getting laid, truth is that modern women are in fact horrible. And it makes sense, especially for city women, who have to curb advances so frequently, paired with the inflated ego and sense of worth that they even go into rejection modus if you want to pass a sidewalk without getting hit by a cyclist and they happen to be in the way. If you consider the amount of men trying to woo a woman in a densely populated area it only makes sense. But doesn't make them less horrible in general, which also may be due to women being able to cherry pick their privileges from aspects of chivalry and gender equality simultaneously as they please while all we do as a society is to embrace their options and ability for hedonism while shunning the role that women used to hold. That said I'm not a sentimentally blinded traditionalist, however we did throw away that understanding and old norms without anything good, nor working to substitute those so that we truly end up with women who beyond a warm wet hole have nothing to offer while expecting the world in return. It's no wonder that men, who feel the burden of their obligations, new and old refuse to engage with all those worthless wretches who can't even carry their own weight (in multiple meanings of that word). Feminism and capitalism has essentially led us to "skankify" the female population at large, with a minority of "player" type men using them as essentially spunk dumpsters while a significant part of the male population feels increasingly sexually and emotionally disenfranchised and left without good options. And sure, I'm not demanding you to feel empathy for them, but you should at least be aware that this is how you get mass unrest and politics suddenly flipping in a way that you might not approve of. Funnily enough, the muslims managed to figure out a good solution to their skewed distribution of partners and the incel problem. Just have a perpetual holy war. My cynicism makes me consider that all those recent conflicts are possibly made for that purpose since little keeps people in power during uneasy times but a good meat grinder. >>38686 Yeah, don't go full incel, mang. Those guys are just bitter because they can't get laid despite how easy it is these days to pump and dump some drunk hoe the same night. Courtship is dead and we killed it and I understand why one would reject all of that vain partying while still being subject to our biological urges to procreate. Things aren't going a good direction but good women are still out there, who don't want to defecate into your soul at the next best opportunity, they're just rare and difficult to find.

I feel like soykaf. The whole world is going to soykaf. There's no one to talk to. It's all soykaf.

>>38679 My bad. >>38673 What's holding you from starting a new project on your own today? No idea on how to phrase this to sound less inconsiderate. >>38684 That's based in my book. >>38682 At what hour? Is there any park near you? >>38686 What's taking you from hating guys as well? Why can't you get a job? >>38740 Bona ventura.

>>38778 If you have a problem with the modern dating situation, you're admitting you're a beta. Alphas love the way it works now. Women aren't crazy about it, but they like it better than the alternative of a dead bedroom with a short guy. Therefore, even though you personally don't benefit, the majority of society has reverted back to primal dating strategies because natural behavior feels better. The whole "tradcon" thing was only developed a few hundred years ago. If you are a beta male no one will care what you're saying or if you die alone. You are a genetic dead end. Winners in life win early and win often. You can't actually compensate for your genetics with willpower. The leftist meme of "if u believe in yourself u can do anything!" was created by alphas to get betas working twice as hard for half the pay. You were born to be a slave who pays for deadbeat chad's mistake. Lions don't concern themselves with the bleating of sheep. It's how it's always been. It's how it always will be. Either kill yourself and get it over with or find something that makes you happy other than pussy. If you have to work to get it, it's not really for you.

>>38778 very sad mindset. Hope you get better, bud

>>38669 https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/10/us/politics/kaczynski-unabomber-suicide-prison.html I'm really fuarrrking confused right now. I never knew he committed suicide. I very distinctly remember that he died, but not a single article I read then and for weeks after his death said he committed suicide. Not a single person I knew was aware he committed suicide and we were all aware within an hour of his death. In spite of all of this, I just read an article supposedly published immediately after his death saying he committed suicide. How the fuarrrk is that possible? It's not updated, and there are other articles published in the same timeframe saying the same thing, and they're not updated either. So now I'm wondering if I'm just misremembering everything somehow.

>>38785 Sorry, but are you the same anon from before and got offended by me calling your white knighthood into question or did you get lost in the text of my previous post and now feel like you need to take your frustration out on me? A beta move either way. But if you cared to read what I wrote you'd see that I agree with your statement that it's easier than ever to get your dick wet in today's "dating" market. Get a fresh trim, rent a cool sports car, pay some vietnamese taylor to put a Gucci label on your discount blazer, put some effort and determination into it if you don't look like an utter sea creature. Figure out what the peacock feathers of the season are and do that or hell just pay the woman for the sex. Doesn't even need to be a prostitute, just offer to enough women and some will bite. Thanks to the sexual liberation, complete lack of values and general chaos it's almost trivial to leave your neanderthal genes in some random hole who then produces another idiot with your looks and his substitute father's effeminate attitude to leave the population regrettably had you as a member worse off. But then if this isn't what you are interested then I bet you're going to be hard pressed to find a woman who can for instance cook, cares to clean up and take care of the children instead of focusing on her "career" at her bullshit job or just sleeping around until she hits the wall. Fair enough, the concept of the "trad woman" is partially artificial and has really only be coined as a response to the recent and very promiscuous and unballanced relations between the sexes but also, allwhile I understand what you're referring to with primal dating strategies, we're also not living in tribes of 40 any more but instead are occupying this mouse utopia that may be impending a sudden decline. For worry you stumble again in all of my words, here's a recap; It's not that it isn't easy to get laid if you're even just moderately handsom and in shape and can fake having wealth for the night but that we're likely screwed (in the bad way) for the long run. >>38790 My apologies hun, you're of course excempt from my criticism and are a very special woman for being here. Totally not like the others! Btw. got any plans later this evening? We could talk about how my observations of my surroundings and general statistics are actually all false and introduce me to your superior reasoning and arguments and then bang.

>>38793 From the image: >in sexually dimorphic species, usually only the alphas get to fuarrrk That's not really true. Maybe among certain primates closely related to humans, and chickens, but I can think of plenty of species that do not show this behavior. Plenty where males are basically just genetic carriers, barely able to survive on their own. Plenty of species of birds that pair off for life. Sweeping claims like this need *a lot* of data to back them up.

>>38794 Fair, but there's only so much text to convey all the nuance. Even in tribal arrangements the "betas" occasionally would get one in when the "alphas" were occupied with something else. The general idea however, I believe, stands; that marriage as a culturally universal concept kept being introduced to retain stability of a large and growing population. Just like my point of a large segment of the male population being disenfranchised and frustrated being antithetical to such a stability. Thus a serious topic since the same men are necessary to sustain that civilization and form the effective part of a standing military. Just out of practical reason you therefore must deal with that somehow; either give enough of them access to mates, distract them with some very immersive pornography and consumerism or occupy them in some sort of endless war to cull the excess male population and again give the survivors a guaranteed access to pussy. All these solutions of course have their draw backs and are likely not sustainable long term but so does civilization go through cycles. And we appear to be at the cusp of the downwards arch of ours. But maybe that's enough of highjacking this thread. How was your day, dear lainon?

>>38795 The theory kind of falls flat when you look at small-band hunter-gatherer societies. Many of them have marriage as well.

>>38781 >What's holding you from starting a new project on your own today? No idea on how to phrase this to sound less inconsiderate. Because idk if that project will end up wasting time at the expense of more important things (I also have not ever really blocked out time for certain activities, so idk if I will have 10h or 2h to spend on it this week.) If I happen to give it up it will just end up like my other dozens of "big" projects. Some of these I can continue, but others feel too unwieldy... For one of them I am working with another person and my task is very "experimental" so the scope of what I have to do is poorly defined, and I probably have to allocate a rather large chunk of time towards it. I could have done last week but now I have classes so it's difficult to sit down and focus for a few hours... At least I am seeing other people now which helps me feel normal again. So pretty standard really, time to get on with life. Thanks for letting me vent and I hope you have a good day.

>>38793 Not the main you're talking about but wow, guess I really struck a nerve by pointing out that only men complaining about modern women are betas. >"B-but the chads still lose in the end because now women can't cook!" What a sad pathetic cope. First of all, modern women only don't cook for betas. Hoes try to lock chads down by acting like a housewife all the time. Unfortunately for them when an alpha is ready to start a family, he gets a young inexperienced woman, trains her to cook, to clean, and generally molds her into the wife he wants. That's the ideal marriage. Women want men to come "preassembled" but men are generally less attracted to weathered women. This is an anonymous imageboard so why bother lying about being a beta? Are you lying to yourself like those girls who claim to be perfect 10s? Because you're not fooling anybody else. Take some personal accountability and accept your place in society.

I love how a good-hearted thread became yet another incel flamewar purely because of the addition of -ette. Eris would be proud.

I got in over my head with my boss. I work construction. Sometimes instead of paying me right away he would front me a pound or two. I'd just sell and the profit would be enough for spending get me through the month. Eventually I get a check for the work though so I can pay rent. Except it went on a long time. A couple months. He wanted me to pay for the weight but I had used that money for rent by then. We had an argument about it and I walked. I enrolled in a CS50 online class this week. I think it is time for some changes in my life. Everyone I've met in the trades is either a corpo or a scumbag. Maybe tech is the same but at least I can sit in a chair.

Does it ever occur to you people that there is no such thing as aphas and betas? Maybe outdated descriptions for wolf pack behavior isn't a good analogy for human behavior?

I am a new lain to this conversation and I think that the Stoic philosophy helps with this. Specifically, you don't control your genetics or the place you were born, or the women who find you attractive (these are all examples of indifferents), so you should focus on the things which you really control to leave a virtuous life. This philosophy has helped me to deal with all sorts of situations and to control and reign in feelings of frustration. The plan is to also read about alternative philosophical schools in antiquity to get a more balanced picture of things. >>38795 Lain at least post a better jpeg, wtf is this soykaf.

>>38796 How so? Your reply is more refulat to this guy's post >>38785 than to mine. >>38798 >he gets a young inexperienced woman, trains her to cook, to clean, and generally molds her into the wife he wants Correct methodology, but missing my point. I've not made any declarations about myself personally but are stating the general situation that I see our civilization going. A sinking ship. So read, nigga read next time before replying. Props however to making women seethe. >>38800 Chair work destroys your body in a different way, consider a standing desk. >>38801 Granted, it's a bro-sciency term to categorize high and less desirable men. However if there's too many of the latter without any of the approaches that I mentioned, we're possibly looking at a tumultuous future. >>38802 I think I've wasted enough time as is. fuarrrking hell, the level of text comprehension here. Better for my mind to go back to getting cyber hammered

>>38803 > I think I've wasted enough time as is. fuarrrking hell, the level of text comprehension here. Better for my mind to go back to getting cyber hammered I don't get it, what do you disagree with? I was just telling you lains about a philosophical school I was reading about :c

>>38810 Apologies, I did not mean the part about stoicism. The idea to only worry about what one can influence directly is an idea I might need to consider more often. Yet it's difficult when I put one and one together just to realize in what kind of mess we're in. And instead of trying to communicate any of that just focus on preparing for the possibly inevitable. Be it just so I can survive long enough to say "told'cha so!" The taming of ones desires and mind and channeling ones energy instead on what is most productive and beneficial is also what I see is getting some traction in the face of mainstream promoted hedonism and empty consumerism and some younger people even picking up some Marcus Aurelius because of that. I tell you hwuat though, I'll attach a better res pic next time, pinkie promise.

>>38811 > some younger people even picking up some Marcus Aurelius because of that I think Stoicism and Marcus Aurelius can be a bit of a meme these days (see https://youtu.be/_o7qjN3KF8U?t=93 LOL, "didn't understand soykaf" LOLx2, me too, the text I am reading at the moment seems very repetitive so not sure if I am picking up much, but I will persevere). Also sometimes I see comments about Stoicism on Hacker News, and a lot of these have a misguided interpretation, which is kind of interesting. > I tell you hwuat though, I'll attach a better res pic next time, pinkie promise. Nice c: I use MediaWiki for art and I find that it's pretty good.

bad, ronery gonna have some ice cream then read a book until i can fall asleep.

Disgruntled, irked, discombobulated. The world is not as my parents have made it out to be. Its disgustingly beautiful in its wretched golden light. I don't care for it personally

>>38819 I wish I cared in a personal level. It's indeed beautiful. >>38814 What book? What flavor? >>38799 :(

Hungry. I refuse to eat meat from the store or that has been bought anywhere because they cover it with plastic, cover it with poison, half of it probably isn't real meat if you get ground meat, and I only want to eat meat, eggs, animal fat. I'm looking into volunteering for a farm so I can actually get some goddamned food, or trying to hunt.

>>38797 Too bad you didn't do it last week, but don't worry. I don't have much to add, except that I'm happy for you. Feeling normal is false and all, but it's good. Be well, lainanon. >>38827 Do you see yourself hunting and living a farmer lifestyle?

>>38829 If I don’t I will be in big trouble. I already have not eaten in days, and it was a few days before I ate last time as well.

>>38826 >What book? neruomancer by william gibson >What flavor? vanilla and cherry

Yesterday I got foo poisoning and I felt like soykaf. I'm doing a lot better now, I'm jus to going to take it easy.

>>38681 outliers do not need to be treated as rules of thumb, they need to be treated as outliers.

had the worst(probably) few months of my life recently, nowadays I'm watching gintama and coping decently, even learned how to fish

>>38909 based dean, grew up on that movie, and dean was always my favorite character. do not let the clown-show get you down brother, stay blessed.

nobody understands my coomservative values, I am depressed, woe is me I am coomservative.

I tried to post on 2channel, I got a japanese IP and evreything, doesn't work can't even translate the website anymore. Tried Minx, a Japanese social networking site, can reigister fine and everything, need a Japanese phone number to make comments, can you believe it? man the Japanese are closed off to foreigners. I want to talk to Japanese people so badly. They are actually celebrating Chrismas there, I was quite surprised. I don't understand why everything has to be open and world here in teh West by comparison.

I am really disapointed my VPN doesn't work, i had to pay for it and everything but it still doesn't work on 4chan, it makes you seriously wonder what kind of set up 4chan has to be able to detect and ban VPNS that easily, it makes me almost a little uncomfortable they are able to tell that kind of information easily about you over the internet. I don't think it's worth it to try another VPN after the other like that but it's my dream to raid 4chan and to evade banning attempts there's all these posters who always talk about being able to evade banning but they make it sound so easy why can't I find a VPN that works? now I have to possibly cancel my VPN because it works like soykaf anyway, whenever I use it, it's been effecting my abililty to access the internet normally.

I have been basically writing a love letter. I spent months working on a piece of art for this person, it's basically like a painting I guess, it wasn't that difficult to do but it took a suprisingly long time to finish but also I had trouble bringing myself to finish it for some reason. Now I am writing this long ass letter. It's not that great of a love letter I guess because it largely involves me talking at length about some of the experiences I have had trying to survive my holocaust experience. Basically I live in Canada and I am leaving the country soon, because the last couple of years namely since Donald Trump was elected they've tried to basically holocaust me. The country has just been getting worse and worse and all this fuarrrked up soykaf has happened, I have gone through insanely crazy unexpected experiences. I guess you know in romantic movies, the male love interest always goes off to fight in a war or something, and while it's not the same I wonder how surviving basically a holocaust is comparable. I think what they've been doing here has been like acts of war basically, like they started using direct energy weapons, it's a real thing look it up, so they are basically laser beams, I had laser beams shot at me and they just really hurt a lot like they are really painful, so I had to run around jump and dodge and hide run between cover it was insane, it was like being in a gun battle. I have honestly seen movies on survivors of ww2 and everything and I watched this video of this guy talking about how he was captured by al queda in the mountains in afghanistan and I felt like my experiences were almost the same I really related to them. The thing is you think like, what is this like Nazi germany is Canada Nazi Germany or something? but I think if you were to historically compare I think Canada is more like the USSR.

my emotional state has been very unstable due to what seems like an eternally lasting depressive episode but i'm pushing through. i've begun making a habit of reading more often, drinking water and taking better care of myself than before in hopes of feeling less ruddy. my outside life has been very uneventful, just trying to do what i can when i can do it. despite these lows i'm hopeful for what can happen in the future.

>>39020 this post made me drink water

>>38669 Godawful. Tired and stressed as all hell and everyone around me isn't helping one bit. I think I'll collapse from exhaustion if I don't get a break soon

>>39003 They use MaxMind API to see if an ip is residential or not. You need residential IPs/proxies.

>>39003 >post "bad thing" >get derezzed >every VPN with 10 million users did this at some point >wow i wonder why every address is derezzed >>39094 actually this is true, i remember even in 2004 or so they just had a banlist of every tor exit node from rbl or whatever. og mod trannies

>>39121 >get derezzed i wrote B4NN3D. STUPID TRANNY

i feel depressed. i just want to feel better and be happy and feel joy again. i've been having issues with my mental health for awhile but i've always had mental health issues since i was a little kid. when i was little i was diagnosed with autism and schizophrenia and i take medicine for it. i just want good things to happen to me

tired and perhaps a bit lonely too. It's not so bad and has definitely been worse before.

I'm still using this stupid website, still addicted to porn, still never sleep right. Given all that, I'm doing alright I guess. >>39122 Welcome to the board, chummer.

Last 5 years or so of my life I have been working construction as a subcontractor and selling lbs for a general contractor who happens to move most of the weight in my city. He thinks he is hot soycaf but none of his guys are doing very well. It took me a long time to see him clearly because our families go back and I am probably an autist. Anyway I was unemployed for a month but thankfully now I have a soycaf hourly gig close to home. I am learning skills like bash powershell and basic Python coding in my spare time. I want to become an IT professional eventually but I had to stop working for that guy first so I could get usable work history. Plus the last guy was the sort I would work for and lose money if I wasnt careful with his billing. No food in my house. No bus fare. Internet will be cut off soon. I know am going to bounce back but this is the hard part. Been doing well at the new job and I feel good about the future even though right now is really bad.

>>38695 >You keep trying to explain the importance of privacy to distract yourself from your actual problems in life. It's like when people fantasize about the end of the world YEP same here. Even using this site is a symptom, as I'm talking about how great I am or could be, and not doing anything. I don't feel like the things I'm doing will make me happy, and happiness is this external thing for 'good people' who are 'fixed' not 'broken' like me, so I spend my time fantasizing and feeling surges of energy from imagining being that capable person instead of doing anything which matters. I recently made peace with this a little bit, and actually studied for some exams, but whenever I start a personal project, it comes back, as I imagine being the kind of person who actually completes these projects and could do amazing things, instead of the smaller, real stuff I can try and fail and learn while doing. I think just realizing this negative tendency and consciously trying to accept that there is a happiness I can have through my small life is doing a good bit towards helping. >>39004 That's insane, but just remember you'd be doing the same thing in their position. It's human nature to hurt others for our own happiness. My advice: focus on finding a way to make yourself useful to others, particularly your family, and ask them for help and support, avoid stressful areas. I assume the lazers are just insanity starting to break in from your stressful lifestyle, since such an operation would be rather expensive to mount. >>38848 <3 Great taste lainon. I particularly like books because they're so immersive and you have to focus to get the enjoyment, which kinda puts me in a healthier frame of mind. Though I find myself appreciating snow crash more than neuromancer lately. More playful language, and I feel like the overall plot kinda reflects our world a tiny bit better. >>39003 Yeah I'd like to set up a res. VPN. But put your VPN to use! Get torrenting! there's so much out there to enjoy I resigned to being for 'rich kids' as a kid, with torrenting+ anna's archive, I've experienced like 10x the culture and world around me in a day than I did in a week before. not sure how useful 4chan, or this site is anyway if that's any consolation. Also there's the cope of 'I have no serious threat model' which is true, but still feels shameful to be cattle on a site like 4chan. >>39123 Oh yeah same here on remembering joy. I think for me part of it was my mindset of 'I need to become someone else' and constant stress over that, instead of doing anything which brings joy for me. Good luck! >>39211 Sending good thoughts. Hope you find a way to thrive in your new way of living.

Should I just drop out? I'm 25 years old and just failed some 2nd year CS classes for the 2nd time. It was actually going well but no matter what, every single time I lose control towards the end of the semester and fuarrrk up in general, I get sick of coursework, I get sick of all the studying, adderall stopped working after my habit spiralled out of control. I spent 2 years grinding at a community college course to get into this top uni, I was amazed that despite all odds I managed to get in. Foolish of me for not knowing that the hard times were only beginning. It only makes me feel worse when i'm surrounded by 18-20 year olds who manage to balance getting drunk & partying with passing classes, meanwhile me, I rarely partook in that aspect of college life and still managed to fail the same classes more than once. But if I drop out, theres nothing much else for me to do. I'm 25 years old, my peers from school are already getting married and moving out, I don't really wanna do trades, computer science was the goal from the beginning, i'm in awe of how disgusting the turn out was. The uni policy on failing is if you continue to fail (i.e fail to pass the class after 3 attempts) they simply kick you out

>>39216 yeah, same boat. I think it's in part because of the 'not partying.' I need to change my lifestyle so I look forward to each day, even while working hard, and don't get burned out. That doesn't mean staying up late of course. I'd say 'make friends' and 'have things you care about' but I haven't done so well at it either. Use what resources you have of course if they have counseling and thing maybe there's a chance those work. I'm considering starting stimulants or something IDK fam.

>>39217 If you’re gonna do stims, don’t do what I did…it started off with a dose for an assignment, then turned into a daily thing, I lost a few nights of sleep, my brain was cooked, I couldn’t function without it, perhaps my stim abuse was why I failed again this time, they no longer had a positive effect.

>>39216 I'm just finishing my degree and questioning my whole existence. I can't imagine working 8h every day. Not that I could ever even get a job since it feels like in IT your portfolio has to be full of soykaf that I don't have and don't care for. I just don't care. It's all soykaf anyways even though trades would probably be even worse

>>39216 why are you even at university/college? "computer science was the goal from the beginning"? being a 'computer scientist' means being a top PhD (clearly not for you) and getting an IT job has no relation to studying computer science. I find that people who fail to do their coursework very often have the issue it's not actually what they should even be doing. They dont have motivation because they are actually doing the wrong thing and their subconscious is trying to warn them of that. Only if you think deeply about what you want to do and become truly convinced of those actions then you may finally be motivated

>>38669 Hey there fellow Anon, thanks for asking. Lately, I think life has been tough. I have been trying my best to grab as many wins as possible but I have only gotten negative responses for each win since it's not what the so-called mother wanted me to do. Being forced to work in a corporate culture even though I want to/can go into a startup and work in a better fast paced environment. The corporate culture bullies me and no one teaches me. I joined corporate cause I was told by the adults that they will teach me something new, but that does not happen. I got a huge win and got to be a part of a company which comprises some elite programmers but my mother started giving me death threats if I joined it. Every kind of emotional manipulation trick was used. I do agree that the place might seem a bit shady at first glance but my gut says that it's a better place to work at. I'll learn a lot. I wanted to move out but yet again, I was given so many death threats and told that I am no longer her son for 3 days straight until I agreed to do what she wanted. The place I mentioned, she had someone to do a background check (the person did some Google searches) and then turns out it was fine to be there, mother comes to apologise and then I got a bit pissed cause she forced me to leave it so she started to play victim and started to tell me that I should be grateful that she came to apologise and she could have just lied about it... I haven't been having a good time recently. Or ever... People say that family is where you find home and shelter, the ones who look out after you. I want to experience this care and feeling. I have only felt this anxious feeling when I am at home and I don't know if I want to even be a part of this family anymore. They think I want to be but after all of this, I don't know. They haven't really helped me out through my university days apart from what a parent should do and I have gotten my wins myself in terms of internships and projects. And now they act like they can advise me and make me do what they think is right. This is just what has been happening since the start of this month. I just work hard for a better life... Or in hopes for something that might not exist for me...

A few months ago I was forced to move into my girlfriend's parents' house, and the new circumstances are driving me to the brink of a nervous breakdown. First of all, toilets almost always end up with urine and soykaf left because flushing doesn't work well. The girl’s parents don’t discuss this, the problem has existed as long as I’ve lived here. Secondly, these parents have a child. One day a situation happened in the kitchen when a mother put her child on the potty to soykaf right in front of me while I was eating. I always hated children anyway, they are stupid and ugly looking, but my girlfriend's mother forced me to sit with him. This experience was devastating, I was dying of boredom and fatigue. Secondly, I live in a village where there are no asphalt roads, so there is often dust here, and after a walk you need to wash your feet and sneakers. Every month a large machine arrives, which is like kicking dead whales down the beach waste from the cesspools and creates deafening noise. I'd like to drop a nuclear bomb on this place.

>>39216 I agree with >>41047. I dropped out the first time because I hated the major I chose (yeah I know, bad choice etc.) and went back to study something I'm interested in. The difference is like night and day.

>>41106 What do you mean by forced to move? If you mean you are broke and they are having you live there for free then well… you lower your head and be thankful while fixing your income, then move out. You should consider fixing their toilet too to show you are thankful. If you already have enough income to live by yourself than just do that, you don’t have to stay in that case.

>>41111 By "forced to move" I mean that my country is affected by war, and now I live with people who support this war. Why would I be grateful to them after that? Because they feed me? How pathetic and closeminded do you have to be to love people for their food? This is dog behavior, not human. And I have no obligation to fix someone else's property, I did not buy this house and have no emotional attachment to it, especially considering that I am saving money for a rented apartment.

>>41123 count your blessings.

>>41138 You are disgusting. I didn't like Lainchan in general, but I definitely won't sit here now.

Escaping into low-income job(florist). Today is rare day off, and I can't help, but screAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAm. Wasting my youth with no FINE perspective. I've tried, it's been hard, but I sincere tried to live however I can, but peace within is nowhere to be found, except trying to abandon thyself. https://youtu.be/OfR6_V91fG8 (King Crimson - Starless)

>>41139 Not the Lainon you were replying to, but I just wanted to say that you are incredibly pathetic. Disgustingly so. It's partly the entitlement, but also the complete lack of self awareness that makes it so hard to stomach you. I'm a little bit surprised you even have a girlfriend in the first place, but I imagine the war has put the parents in an awkward position to where they feel they can't just kick you out, but if it were up to me, I think they should. Good luck and good riddance

>>38669 thanks for asking. not so great, for past two weeks i have worst withdrawal of self-doubt. i keep hiding the pain on day-to-day basis by smiling like usual. idk, feelings are mutual like >>41337

It's been pretty bad so far. I feel apathetic. I can't pay attention to the external world, it's like I'm always hearing my thoughts. I don't talk to anyone here at uni and it depresses me. I'm not a NEET, but I'm a looser. I'm not interesting at all. Meanwhile me classmates all have fun talking together. >>38679 What? No. The idea is we all know we are depressed males.

>>38679 The idea is I can write whatever I want to, the way I want it to, and people "judge" me by it's content, not by my "face". And you're unable force me to use "the only right way" to communicate.

i've never been in a darker place in my life i want to die

>>41341 look man it helps my depression to think that maybe there might be a female or two here ok ? stop dashing my dreams you'll make me want 2kms

fuarrrking 4chan won't let me post anymore because the post request URL is blocked by my DNS or something so i'll post here now fuarrrk this soykaf.

>>42204 4chan is like kicking dead whales down a beach. can't even post because of their schizo captcha, and 95% of the posts are just from horny degenerates. welcome to lainchan.

Feel kinda dead inside. I don't enjoy anything anymore. I know it's depression and I'm on meds, but it's been a year and I don't feel any different. I've gained some weight, but I'm still a healthy bmi. I don't really want to talk about, but thanks for asking.

I am trying to find a job, while desperately finishing 2 important college assignments, my landlord is threatening to throw me out over their own mistake and I am experiencing alcohol withdrawals. Fun times.

>>38669 Not particularly well. I’m real sick and I have to go to the neurologist tomorrow I just really hope they don’t do any more spine taps they are not very fun as it turns out.

>>38669 >How have you been lately, anon(ette)? absolutely fuarrrking horrible

>>45570 What happened buddy?

fuarrrking awesome. I got this new job a month ago which is really exciting. I've heard the phrase do-nothing-job thrown around but this really is one. I'm already completely bored of playing snake and pacman, hehehe. Monday I started writing a script for a TV show I'm potentially going to have animated, and put up on YouTube. There are some cheap claymation 3rd worlders on fiverr. Just checked out a place I'm going to move to. Tomorrow I'm sending him a deposit. Also, tomorrow, I have a doctor's appointment at a ketamine clinic. Best part is, they accept my insurance. Everything is going as planned. :)

>>38669 Risking comfort in knowing tomorrow will be okay as long as i keep doing the same thing, for the unexpected unknowing if I will need to make a Plan B to help myself, all in the name of trying to live more comfortable. Ask me how I've been in about 6 months.

I'm doing alright. trying to make myself a plushie pencilcase type thing but I don't have embroidery thread to make the face with so I've got to get some soon

breddy gud. I carried some rocks today. Nothing like doing man stuff to lift one's mood.

today I felt bad because I had a graduation ceremony to attend to and everybody was dressed so sharp and beautiful and all I had to wear was like ... a not so-cheap-looking sweater and a jacket. I only have two pairs of shoes and theyre vans sneakers. I never had the opportunity or the need to wear formal clothing in my life and when I got there, I felt so out of place that I just went home. it isnt the first time that I feel misplaced being with middle and upper middle class ppl, but it hits the same every time it hits. I think what aches the most is knowing my uni friends wouldn't be able to understand any of this. its difficult to even find words for what I feel in these situations, its a mix of feeling sad, humiliated and kind of rejected. I cant help but notice how none of them have a job but they all have apartments or cars. I've had a stable job with a good salary for 5 years and I'm not even close to these ppl that never had to work in their lives. I didnt even have proper clothes

just today me and my immediate family came back from a two month visit to my extended family, absolutely exhausted and out of my head it had become clear how dysfunctional my family all was, secret affairs, greed and misery. nothing but lying, backstabbing and anger really all behind the shallow facade of them being happy that we are at their presence don't get me started on my own immediate family, pure fuarrrkery as well and barely no relationship, I tried to vent about it to the only friend that I had but he just ignored it despite me trying to aid him before whenever he had issues (I know it may sound one sided but this is what actually happened) which made me devastated and questioned everything between us, even to the smallest of things like how my guitar felt and how much the tone sounds makes me miserable even writing this makes me hate how I write, comes across as annoying and bitchy had I not been forced to go I would be far more happier in my naivity

>>38669 None of your business. Why do you ask? Are you working for CIA?

i turned down a request to travel to las vegas where i would be compensated a couple hundred dollars for my time because the offer seemed shady, and someone told me i should be asking for several times more. which the offerer ostensibly didn't have. a shame, i would have liked to remain friends with them. maybe we'll reconcile a week from now.

>>38669 meh, I want to leave my job and get a commercial pilot license but it costs really fuarkin much in my country. The most logical thing would be continuing to work here but I hate it even though it pays decently. I feel like I've wasted years of my life

>>46959 Save up some money by working, and get the license. Plan it out. If you have to, quit the job. Come on, do you want it or not?

some asshole stole my telephone the same day i was about to fly somewhere, couldnt get on the flight, had to walk to the airport, not even halfway walking to where the aeroplane was going, about 100 km from the border of the second fuarrrking country, maybe 300km into the walk, police fined me for ??????, i couldnt pay, went to prison, was taken bavckwards fuarrrking 100 maybe 150 km of this walk and when i was released they tell me ok you got 3 days (2 days) to get out the country. i still have another 1200km to go

>>38669 I suppose I've been alright. The cycle is endless but I'm starting the evaporative segment again.

>>46963 this is so me. Especially with programming.

So alone, no cigs or company, daily call to my mom and endless music production with no end result

>>47233 What type of music do you create? I'll send you money for some cigs for some music?

Trying to forget the past and carry on. At least, I still have my parents to help me, some times...

>>38669 >anon(ette) <anon⋅ette Corrigé pour toi. After a recent breakup, I am slowly beginning to move from anger to sadness. It had been a long time since I had experienced a good old-fashioned heartbreak. In a way, I appreciate it...

>>46959 You have deeply learned how it feels to waste your life doing an annoying job and that experience isn't a waste. How is a person supposed to fully integrate something, in detail, without doing it? Now you know. On my end i'm letting the frustration build up and i just wait, regular eerie waiting, for an activity worth my time to pass trough my field of view. I'm ready to quit my job but i don't know where to go. I should go. I live without much regret btw, since my mistakes are like any other psycho-building block. If i have a good time today then my terrible stupid decisions lead me to it.

deeply depressed. i was looking through my old journal entries from like 4-5 years ago and they are exactly the same as the ones I make now. feels awful that I haven't managed to change anything meaningful in that time despite trying so hard no plans to kill myself anymore though, so it's not all that bad, maybe the next year will be different. hope that it will be

>>47289 if it makes you feel any better im in the same boat . while most of the people i know used the previous 4 years to improve their skills or do really anything with their life i just sort of existed alongside them

anon from >>46918 again i don't know why i have the urge to update this but everything seems to get worse and worse, every opportunity is gone, my relationship with my close family is worse than before. still have chronic loneliness. my cognition has been rapidly deteriorating etc etc. am 19 years of age and have a whole life "in front of me" yeah right lol am honestly convinced that i might either end up in a mental hospital or just die.

I've been feeling pretty lost and empty lately. I'm not sure what I want to do in life and I feel like I'm rotting away...

I was making an active effort to sleep at least 7 hours a day, eat well, exercise and not distract myself too much. The last three weeks I've been getting bad sleep and I feel like I'm slipping. I'm paranoid, see things at the corners of my eyes, or people looking down on me while I lay down. I'm afraid to look at mirrors at night, and have to listen through my doors before opening them. Suicidal thoughts galore. I got back into drinking, smoking cigs, and I've been so low I'm back at this crab bucket.

>>47412 holy soykaf

>>46918 Thanks for reminding a wizard having no sensitivity for flirt and such can be a blessing sometimes.

>>45609 >fuarrrking awesome. I got this new job a month ago which is really exciting. I've heard the phrase do-nothing-job thrown around but this really is one. I'm already completely bored of playing snake and pacman, hehehe. You can always ruminate how imperfect the world is in your spare time ahahahah but then again, you pretty much can rejoice you have a calm no-normal people-staggering-you job. Meditate more or do some pushups/knee-ups

>>45609 Jokes aside, you can get a "grip excercise" device for 12$ pair to train your palm/wrist muscles. Just to keep urself occupied. reagrds, a person who nver did any "physical" at work thus ruminating and such...

https://motionmuse.ai/r/ghypp8h3 Thank me later

>>47422 >>47422 SPAM or not, but AI generated bodysuits or robotic characters' "cosplays" are quite a thing.

Homeless, and been waiting since about 18 or 19 to die. Been killing Satan from the Bible in self-defense. Satan is an omnipresent demon who has been an omnipresent demon since the absolute beginning of existence. Satan needs to be defeated for there to finally be a god. Existence has only had no god and no gods, and I'm looking to change that, finally, after all these years of existence existing. I'm trying to make God God, so Satan can finally shut the fuarrrk up, and I can finally go to actual Heaven. With Satan and without God being God, there might be no Heaven, but there might be somewhere the dead can find themselves. It just isn't Heaven. Also, only God can create omnipotence, omniscience, and omnipresence, and I'd really like someone to finally do that, too, someone worthy. So, I'm working 24/7 to kill Satan in self-defense and make God God. 666 I feel like complete soykaf, physically. And I'm fairly dead, from it all. I've been brutally murdered by Satan, and by many others. Satan doesn't know how to stop murdering. Satan started the fight. Satan doesn't know how to not get killed in self-defense.