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I should've been smarter to not mix my darker imageboard self with my real life portrait and relations with others. Now I am permanently stuck in this very weird position where ppl still greet and talk with me but they just can't take what I say or do seriously. I feel like I am stuck inside my 19 years old self unable to grow the fuarrrk up. And no matter how hard I try, I'll be considered a manchild until the day I die. Lainchan is not to blame for it, but anonymity in general did ruin my life. Thank you internet. I love you so much that I hate you. I'd still go the same way if I could lmao.

>>37566 whenever I'm talking to people IRL i always try to portray to them a version of myself that's more sanitized and normal then it has to be. I wish I could talk to people IRL a little more like I talk to them on imageboards because on imageboards I'm just more authentic and true to myself.

>>37567 It may be a cultural thing but if I talked to people same way that I do it here I'd probably get beaten ngl.

i tell to people faces a lot worse things then i type here. people can see irony and body language irl so words can be a lot less direct.

>>37577 wish I could be like you

>>37566 "Growing up" is a psyop. It's all about becoming the average braindead drone. fuarrrk that. Don't be normal just because everybody else is. It's an accepted form of peer pressure, nothing more, and carries no meaning.

>>37572 IBs have made me too savage for IRL conversations. Because I enjoy trolling the fuarrrk out of people, I have a habit of upsetting people. Since you have to defend your arguements online, I am also very good at knowing what i'm talking about when I troll people. Some find my being edgy peak humor, and others are terrfied of me. One person in particular compared me to the the sith lord in star wars. My skills at manipulating people are all thanks to how I treated people on the internet for years. I even went through a kissless virgin hiki phase for a few years where I had no direct human contact. The thing that scares me the most is what I've become. I feel like changing my ways would be betraying who I am tho. If only I had spent my younger adult years making friends and doing normal person soykaf. Oh well, we can't change the past.

>>37572 I do this. I'm a hated social outcast, have no friends and got fired because of this.

>>37804 You might have something substantial in your recordings but it's very hard to tell. There was one video of the Spectroid recording and timestamps that I did hear something sus near the 40 minute mark but otherwise I haven't heard anything interesting in the recordings provided, having skimmed through eight or so of them. Ever hear about the Ganzfeld effect? Shit is real, works like a charm. White noise whether that be visual or auditory can cause hallucinations per se, the mind searches to find something intelligible and eventually fills in with something that makes sense. On top of that as an interested Lainon it's very hard to pick out something with that constant background noise. Ergo, turn off your damn fans lol This sort of investigation you should never marry a single conclusion, as since if this is legitimate spook activity (whether that be agents or paranormal) you should first be sure your own bio-hardware is functioning reliably. Even silicon hardware has its quirks. Anyways I would recommend writing down in as exact detail as possible anything you catch in your recordings, store away that transcription for some time like a week or two as so you don't remember exactly what you wrote, than come back to the audio and re-find and re-transcribe that content. Compare the two investigations and see if they match. Figure out different methods to substantiate your own hardware's ability and consistency to rule it out, periodically do it. I do believe gangstalking exists, but the mind does a very competent job in composing very similar beats to it. Physical phenomenon is extremely stable when captured, psychic is not. Even in bona fide gangstalking cases it's very plausible that the victim can have a mental break and have both spooks and the mind be conspiring against. Best of luck, brother.

i feel the same way, at this point i feel too out of touch with reality to make relationships. i wouldnt be surprised if everyone who knows me hates me with a burning passion and is constantly praying for my downfall. but such is life, ive had trouble trying to change for the better all my life and i dont believe i ever will.

>>37846 yeah, at one point you just give up and accept yourself for whatever you are. Perhaps it's for the better idk >>37742 honestly at this point I just want back some of my health that I have lost along the way

>>37846 >i wouldnt be surprised if everyone who knows me hates me with a burning passion and is constantly praying for my downfall. I don't think people care/think that much about you.

Anon, what did you do? WHAT DID YOU DO?

>>37567 its basically a pen test. normal people have a social immune system which is ruthless, but also so rudimentary you can easily spoof it

>>40436 >immune system nah its a tribe check you vibe with the tribe or you are outsider enemy grug smash

>>37567 I wish that I could fake it. I'm probably not autistic but I certainly am schizoid, even before imageboards. Pretending to be interested, and actually acting interested when I'm interested are both difficult to do.

>>40506 >im probably not autistic >explains a standard autism symptom