Ideal gf/bf

my ideal gf/bf would be a spider that protects me from other beings like rats, bed bugs, cockroaches, mosquitos, and other weird stuff. even if it looked like a real life spider please, I just want a spider to take care of me.

Sounds like you want to date a web developer.

>>32027 should i feel bad for myself because I found this funny and everytime I read it I laugh?

>>32027 I probably broke a rib because of you. Well done.

>>32025 my ideal partner would be easily flustered, nerdy, kindhearted. someone who shares a lot of the same interests as me and is interesting to talk to. it matters less but bonus points if they're extremely sexually submissive LOL I already met someone incredibly close to my ideal, but they don't want to date me, even though we're really good friends. so that is like kicking dead whales down the beach!

My ideal gf knows things I don't and wears cargo pants, glasses, and long black hair. Must have at least some hobbies or aspirations outside of me. I can't handle closeness clinginess. Kind of a prude in daily life but harbors ferocity underneath, would let me put out a cigarette on her. She'd be okay or eager to expatriate with me. essentially jade harley plox Yes, I'm emotionally stunted, how could you tell?

https://youtu.be/wCx66xkTBN8 >>32025 the new generation are androids

your essentially describing a hispanic women. bear in mind however most spiders eat their mates. sounds cummy until after you experience it

my ideal mate is a chick who been through some soykaf and got on the other side with no SDTs or children. tried bright eyes innocent white virgin and it didnt work. at some point all the cute bullshit that is like kicking dead whales down the beach you in gets real old. need someone on your level. a chubby 4/10 who you can actually enjoy something with beats a 8/10 any day. jerkin off, i aint against it, but damn man you do that soykaf more than 2-3 times a day and it makes you a goddamn animal. theres more to human attraction and experience. i want me a wise bitch with some dirt under her chin and a pussy that wont zerg out my dick

>>32035 tranny reporting in and it was funny how exactly you were describing me up until >would let me put out a cigarette on her. my ideal bf would let me put out a cigarette on him.

>>32160 spiders are highsly systematical when it comes to building their webs, hispanic women are hardly ever systematical lmao

I found a big spider in my bathroom today. OP, do you want her number? >>32172 >>32035 I've been the receiver and giver of (consensual) cigarette burns. It's overrated. For receiving, it's just not as stimulating as is it sounds and you're left tending to the wound for several days and hoping for minimal scarring after. For giving, because it's not very stimulating there isn't much of a reaction from your partner.

>>32025 I've been alone so long it's hard to imagine an ideal bf/gf. It's hard to even imagine being close to someone.

>>32173 bruh the final fight was literally about the ghosts in the house. you aren't fuarrrking wrong.

>>32216 Either it's really really hard or it's that moment when you are watching a video or something and you see a cute couple or something and it hits you. You know that it isn't even real and whats shown to you is fantasy but you accept it anyways because it hurts more

>>32358 old but relevant https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waAlgFq9Xq8 I spent an 8 hour bus ride with some scared jehova's witness chick who stayed stuck by me the whole way. Gave her my number but she aint texted me. I still think about her weeks later though.

>>32027 fuarrrk you I laughed >>32359 > I still think about her weeks later though. You'll think that tens of years later. Remember me also

>>32025 Hold up, don't female spiders kill their mates after sex?

my ideal boyfriend is a skinny nerdy guy who also likes skinny nerdy guys and wants to jerk off or suck off each other to porn

Current gf but afflicted with nymphomania

>>32362 what kind of nerd? and what kind of nerd are you?

My ideal wife is a pretty unicorn. I'd want to help her fulfill her dreams and give her foals. I'd want to be able to trust my lover, and to be trusted by her.

>>32364 >what kind of nerd? a programmar, or someone who is into chemistry or physics >and what kind of nerd are you? biochemicaltard who is also into insects, reptiles, and MOTHS.

>>32367 >a programmar cool, so when's our date?

>>32370 give me your chess.com's user name, and we talk there.

>>32372 My chess.com username is artur-gaifullin - send me a challenge. good luck !

>>32373 mmmmmmmm, are you sure that you wrote it well?

>>32372 my name is BIGKRIMPIN, i haven't played chess in a long time though... >>32373 wow geniunly trying to steal my date jammit

I hope those guys actually hooked up lol

Ideal would be a guy who's chubby but not overly so and still muscular, he also should know how to cook at least some basic food and like to cuddle.

>>32547 Hi, I am that guy, want to talk? I can cook pretty well actually, and bake

pic related, it's what I think I want. My healthier ideal is to be in a lesbian polycule that makes a good support system, maybe another tech person. but if i want that, I have to make changes. i need to go to college instead of doing soykafty jobs like ive done for years. I really wanna be a sysadmin. im gonna go use some resources to see if i cant get help starting college because of my disability.

>gf My ideal during high school was a typical fujoshi/weeb girl. Yeah, they were ugly and autistic, but it's not like I was any better. A bunch of those girls liked me back then but I was too shy to say anything. Anyway, my ideal now would be that same type of girl except she's matured some, not so "grown up" that she's ditched all her hobbies, but just enough not to be a total sperg or buy into current-year bullshit. Someone I could feel equal to, not above or below. Too bad most of these women have gone off the deep end. They have bought into the bullshit and now larp as men. >bf 00s emo twink who never ages past his early 20s and exists solely for me to rail whenever I feel like it.

ideal gf would be dialectical life partner. treats equally, hard to anger, intelligent, self-taught, analytic, knows the difference between seeking support and seeking advice, and her life may be miserable but she always practices fortitude and seeks to improve her condition. too bad women dont exist

>>32700 > women dont exist I have extensive field evidence proving the existence of these creatures known as "women". It's not a lie or an old legend.

>>32726 >>32700 WOmen went extinct in the paleolithic era. A terrible tragoedy.

>>32025 I lived in a basement apartment for some years, kinda felt like this, huge piles of centipedes earwigs and such under their webs. Every few months there would be a big hatch and everything including myself got covered in a fine dust of tiny spiders, was freaky at first but after a while was just comforting seeing them around and more corners became populated. Hopefully the next tenants also like spiders when I moved out and had to clean the place I hid them inside the walls :) 10/10 would date spider waifu

>>32729 >I hid them inside the walls :)

Ideal gf would be kind with a good temper someone to code with or go for long walks at 5am together and watch me when I do judo tournaments even if I lose. As long as she is like that I don't care what she looks like

I met her, she took my virginity and I took hers. We stayed together for years until she was tragically taken from me. Now the only time I get to see her is when I visit the cemetary. Everyone I ever loved is gone. My family, my friends, the love of my life, and all that is left is me. Sometimes I wonder if my life is really still worth living. Living long enough to watch everything turn to dust. The town I live in isn't the same one I grew up in any longer. All of the spots that were special to me are no more. This pain has destroyed my soul and I only feel numbness through my day to day life as I slave away for pay that leaves me with nothing left at the end of the month.

>>32216 Ha, I've been there. It gets rough. I used to think it builds character to suffer, but after a while, the character-building stops.

>>32728 And I said 'That's not a fish, that's my wife!'

>>32362 Flashbanged by words, or is it flashbung

A chubby girl with hair three inches down past her ears. A interest in working out in some form or just open to doing it together. Enjoys self learning stem topics/ a second or third language. Prefers anal play over vag and is okay not shaving for me. I think this is a realistic ideal gf

>>38206 ...given the choice, why would you ever choose anal? u pornsick?

>>38211 I don't like vag sex, the first gf I had was porn sick.

>>38212 Did she squirt from anal i.e. got an orgasm ? I suppose this vary's from girl to girl.

>>38215 jsyk, "anal" orgasm is just due to stimulation of the fornices, the upper parts of the vagina around (but not on) the cervix. Simultaneously, squirting is not at all necessarily for female orgasm, that's a porn misconception for sure. I don't mean in that in the reddit sense of "omgee, 80% of women are vaginally inorgasmic!" which is probably due to hormonal medications and small penises. I mean it sincerely. The real effect of female orgasm is lowering of the cervix. t. sex haver

>>38215 She did once but also had zero vag enjoyment to the point of not liking it to be touched. I guess her taste rubbed off on me. I never really thought of anal being a porn brain thing since she was my first and only gf. >>38216 Huh that bit about the medication makes senses

>>38215 Indeed, birth control and SSRIs devastate a grrl's ability to cum without attacking the clitoris (which according to women themselves is an inferior orgasm anyways). Honestly, the political/social consequences of this aren't discussed nearly often enough. The fact that /most/ grrls can't get a nice toe-curler ever, let alone regularly, is probably catalyzing a lot of the nasty "modern female" behaviors incel types like to fixate on. Without regular good sex, it is difficult to develop and maintain true love, the kind that builds families in spite of the state and the situation (which is certainly soykafty, don't get me wrong), instead of going antinatal and Raising Furbabies in Bermuda.

my ideal partner should be confident and reticent, nocturnal, cool headed - emotionally and physically, observant, and perhaps someone who likes older-style vidya. picrel?

i just need a girl who can ride out the hard times with me and take a couple'a one twos to the face y'know what i'm talking about just a couple'a rear naked chokes just a couple'a

Interesting. If it helps, there's a rather large spider roaming my living quarters right now. I estimate the body at about 4cm length, legs are maybe about 5-6cm from what I recall last seeing it on my kitchen ceiling. First time I saw it was under my computer desk. At one point I watched it drinking my spit from the floor from when I missed my paper bin. That said, I do not know where it is now and I don't feel particularly safe about that.

>>38272 >That said, I do not know where it is now and I don't feel particularly safe about that. Look up the dangerous spiders in your area and see if it looks like any of them. Where I live, there are only a few types of spiders who are potentially dangerous and they're easy to identify. After learning that, seeing spiders in my house doesn't feel unsafe anymore.

>>32025 My ideal gf would be a cute autistic and boyish Japanese/Chinese girl. She would be perverted and neglect her own hygiene, and tease me about how I like it. I think it would be cool if she had short hair, too. A good example of what I like is Keiko Takahashi from Love Letter (1981). I also like Anne Hathaway in Interstellar. The man blonde love interest from Drive is pretty cute too. Really, I could go on for a long time. I'd want her to be slightly annoying and obnoxious, but intelligent and interested in sperging out about her interests. I want a girl who doesn't use a smartphone (or at least doesn't use any social media). I want a girl who likes to keep her distance most of the time because she prefers to be alone, and who will pursue her own interests independent of me. We could torrent and watch old Hong Kong crime dramas together and soykafty B-movies. I'd also be okay with a dude, as long as he was cute. I kind of have a celebrity crush on Yuzuru Hanyu, but he would turn any man gay! I also think Leslie Cheung was very hot when he was younger. Luckily I'm fairly attractive and so I have options. Speaking of which, that reminds me of this autistic Chinese girl I know who also likes Leslie Cheung (although she doesn't approve of my homosexual inclination). She told me I was cute and that I was attractive (she told me she wanted to drink my blood, lol), but she lives in China and is (self-admittedly) frigid. There's also some pretty fundamental disagreements in terms of life expectations as well. We both agree that we would probably hate each other if we met IRL. She is attractive, but she is really too womanly for me. I like the boyish girls, and the aesthetic I like is not as popular in China. I think it is more Japanese or else constrained to other parts of the Sinosphere like Taiwan, Singapore, Hong Kong etc. I miss the 80s-90s East Asian aesthetic. It was a lot better than the kpop stuff nowadays. The same is true about a lot of places, though. Everything today is too clean. In America this is obvious. It lost its edge. If we are going to have a cyberpunk dystopia, why can't it look like Bladerunner? Maybe it will. I guess I was born too earlier.

my ideal gf would have a kink for hand holding