lainchan / r

(untitled)

Joey · 2022-04-04 05:49
I wish I was a necromancer born and raised in Ukraine right now. Undead people with guns... they're not like zombies, they don't stop if you shoot their brains out. It takes explosives or artillery to stop them. Just go to one of those badly massacred cities, raise them all up, then send them in small groups to hunt day and night, kill anything that moves. All of their prey would reanimate and join the army of the dead. Since both Russia and Ukraine are highly armed, I'd make my thralls acquire all military equipment and bodies in Ukraine, until everyone's dead. Next I would send my army to Russia with their own, Russian and NATO weapons, carried by bodies of men, women and children of any and all nationality. The campaign would not stop until Moscow and St. Petersburg has a single living mammal in it. That's right, undead bears are part of the crew, too! Next, I would firmly establish a necro-empire in the deeper regions of the Siberian tundra. In my land of eternal winter, I would use the remnants of the Russian industry to create literal stairways above the he biggest oil reserves in the country. I would walk to the shrines at the bottom of these steps and and break through the limits of my intellect and necromancy to resurrect ancient life from fossil fuel. I would then leave this ancient, undead life at the bottom of the oil fields to create an artificial necro-evolution of millennia in a matter of days, deep down below the Russian tundra. The resulting species would be such that they never had a living counterpart, but only existed as reanimated dead. Without a glimpse of adaptation to life or procreation, they would be purely optimized to an undead existece. Within the ranks of these species I would create a monastic order from the most intelligent ones. Their purpose would be the pondering of sunyata in eternal undeath, to reach death purely trough their pondering. Of course, I wouldn't let them die, or simply reanimate them if they managed somehow. They would explore such depths of Madhyamaka Buddhism, Zen, the Tao, and various occult principles that is impossible to even approach by a mortal being, and I would siphon their understanding, wisdom and enlightenment through the bond of necromancer and corpse. Enriched with such a deep understanding of the nature (naturelessness) of things I would transcend into Ravelord Nito, then stream video games, podcasts and DJ sets on the internet with an inevitable charm none can put their finger on. Once I have enthralled several generations through decades of such hard work, I would command them all to admit, utter in whispers, and carve upon their skin and flesh the ultimate truth of the universe: Asuka is the single best Evangelion girl.
Tank · 2022-04-04 08:09
>undead bears are part of the crew I remember that story. Sorry to spoil that for you, OP. Russians win in the end.