How do I get over my breakup?

Sorry for the stupid rant but I really have to get this out of my chest because I just witnessed something that made my heart sink to my feet. So I've had a girlfriend since last August, we got along really well the first few months and had lots of fun together. But then we got to know each other in real life and things took the wrong turn to the point that we decided that it's insufferable to be together irl so I should go back to my own place. I've been back home for a month now, I can only talk to her on the internet and that's already enough to hate myself for what happened to the point that I just smoke weed and play games all day. Since I return home it seems like things only kept going downhills for reasons unknown to me and now she's treating me like complete soykaf. Just now I stumbled upon her in a public chat asking questions to other people that she should have asked me because I knew best about the topic and told her lots about it before. Whenever I tried to have a conversation with her the past few days she just cut me short, left me on read or got angry for "wasting her time". Just yesterday she did some favor (something that is highly likely of no value to most people) for someone else despite promising me a long time ago that it was only meant for me. When I confronted her with it she got angry at me for me not allowing her to "have fun". After that I decided that it had been enough and that it's better for me to just stop dragging on with this bullshit and leave her alone which truly makes me feel like I lost everything I had. I don't really see a purpose in my life without her because I deeply loved her and only wished to take care of her. In the end it's not like there is much I could do since she warned me that she didn't have feelings for me and only liked my attention. Despite all of this she would never cheat on me since she said that only I was able to give her what she truly desired, but it seems like this isn't enough of a reason for her to care about how I feel. When I told her about it she just said I was imagining things but today I got to see the proof. It's no surprise that I've always been the one to apologize and to try talk things out during an argument. It's been a day since all of this yet I find it extremely hard to move forward, there's another very nice girl who talks to me everyday and is willing to listen but it's not enough when I think back about the endless list of unfulfilled promises and fun ideas I had with my girlfriend. The only thing that I got out of this was that I changed her life a little bit for the better and gave her a reason to do something with her time before she grows old. Goodbye little girl.

Are you the real mikoto user?

Stop caring this much about women because they certainly do not care this much about you. I learned this the hard way, but the bitch I talked to was definitely bipolar or some soykaf, so I may be biased.

>>29852 Yes, do we know each other? If you wanna talk to me check meetup thread. >>29855 No it's not biased, my girlfriend wasn't good in her head either, you don't just make someone develop feelings for you to have sex with them and dump them afterwards.

>>29858 >Yes, do we know each other? No, you just posted on nanochan pretty actively at one point.

>>29851 >But then we got to know each other in real life and things took the wrong turn to the point that we decided that it's insufferable to be together irl so I should go back to my own place. why would you continue a relationship beyond this point?

I've been in more or less the same situation four times within the last 15 years. No matter how emotionally valuable certain situations seem to be for both of you, on a long term, as a male you cannot compete against a highly bipolar modern day society catering to the female desire for attention. The best way to get over it is recognizing, that you never had a chance to begin with. She will consume and enjoy being tempted by attention as long as possible, which is usually somewhere around the age of 30. She will then proceed to ask where all the good men have gone, buy some pet animals and drink a lot of wine while being on anti depressants. Focus on yourself and try to heal emotionally, so you can find another woman and give her a unprecedented and fair chance to be your partner despite everything you experienced before.

>>29863 >I've been in more or less the same situation four times within the last 15 years. then your policies and behaviours are a bad example for OP to follow because he doesn't want to get into it again. Please tell us what your personal actions have been that lead you to this place, so OP can do as close to possibly the opposite.

>>29865 First one decided that she wanted to travel and see the world for a year, then another year. some say she still travels the world. second one decided she wanted to live in another super trendy major city where all the cool people at that time moved to and I was unable to move at that time. She somehow managed to become pregnant by someone she dumped after me and is a stressed out single mom by now. third one started as a girl I was having sex with and I became emotionally attached, until one of my friends who did not know about it told me, he just fuarrrked her aswell. fourth one stayed the longest and I truely have to admit that she probably honestly wanted to stay but she gradually went from "never experienced such an intense positive partnership before" to "you're such a fuarrrking loser and society tells me I could find a much better partner that recognizes my true value. also I don't have time to wait for you and your priorities much longer." I don't mean to highjack OPs thread, but my point is, not wanting to experience emotional pain ever again is quite normal, but it has severe consequences if OP would from now on cripple his life because of a single occurence of such an incident. As shallow as it sounds, get up and become an even stronger version of yourself through this painful experience and base your future judgement upon it.

>>29862 Because we thought we could still be good friends if we only spent time with each other once every one or to months. >Focus on yourself and try to heal emotionally Thanks. I will. Once I made it I'm sure she'll come crawling back for my attention. >until one of my friends who did not know about it told me, he just fuarrrked her aswell. Ouch. This is why friends with benefits don't work.

>>29870 >Thanks. I will. Once I made it I'm sure she'll come crawling back for my attention. Don't count on that and better don't form that expectation. The emotional pain will be even greater when you try to get over her under the premise that she eventually wants attention from you once you're fine. You create a vicious circle of not getting out of the situation, by formulating a future scenario that involves her. There's a fair chance that she will never come crawling back at all. She might even ghost you or forget about you. There's a fair chance of her not ever explaining herself to you and it has been like that ever since the beginning of mankind. If you recognize and accept that as a ground truth, you've truely reached the rock bottom of emotional connections between two people and you can build yourself up from that point on forward. She might be somebody you will remember, but you will most likely find somebody else who you feel a connection to and who might turn out to be worth your time. You'll make it!

>>29870 >we thought we could still be good friends if we only spent time with each other once every one or to months. If a girl tells you this its probably false. She might even think its true but she's most likely wrong. If you are pursuing a real romantic relationship then this is not a valid path forward, and shouldn't even be considered. You want to be the confident and in-control husband, right ? What kind of husband would let his wife move out so they can just be friends ? It sounds like she's trying to get under your skin right now. Don't let it get to you. It doesn't neccisarily mean she hates you forever or won't come back, and being the sort of neurotic that frets over it isn't going to help you one bit. You should look like you can do without her, and that will make you look more attractive. If one little girl can ruin you then you're not good husband material.

>>29870 That is some bad case of oneitis, you need to let her go. Usually people back out of relationships like this when faced with a partner that is needy. The only way to fix this is to think of your long-term future, what you want and what you need to get there and if you stick to it, you are gonna be alright.

broke up with a girl who was the first girl that i actually fell in love with, non of the faking bs i had with other girls. couldn't find any girl since because they all seemed so bland to me. love is like kicking dead whales down the beach. getting over a break up ,just like any other injury, is best healed with time. the best thing you can do besides actually letting time do what it does is: 1. sever any ties with her. (if you saw someone who got hit by a car, you would leave him laying down on the road are ya? you gotta isolate him from the source of the pain) 2. focus on hobbies: working out, reading, writing, playing music, traveling, doing group activities OUTSIDE and pretty much everything that is not sitting alone in your room will get your mind busy while its still hard for you to control your thoughts. my mom likes to do long runs (she ran a couple of marathons before to get over her alcoholism) and she likes to say that when your mind works to much you should work your body so your mind could take a rest (healthy mind in a healthy body amirite?) 3. don't go hard on yourself and on stuff you can't control: you can't control the fact that you have feels for here, you can't control the face that she hurt you the way she did, you can't control how much time is gonna take for you to get over the situation. what you CAN control is identifying when you are emotionally vulnerable / try to reminisce and changing your day to minimize them (remember the 2nd step?). you can control how you treat your surroundings, your family, you friends and how you interact with them. you (probably) can control your computer habits and how you spend your time online. while you might not be able to control what happened in the past, you can control how you react to it retroactively. chanting mantras help a lot! you should think about how you would ideally feel and recite a short sentence to drive this feeling home. what helped me in the past is reading about stoicism and developing a soykaf-ton of hobbies (pretty much threw a bunch of soykaf at the wall and some of it stuck!) the past is what brought you here but if you learn from it you could dictate your own better future. its a long way to go but you WILL emerge a bigger and better person out of it. don't give up lainon, we're all in this together.

>>29879 >There's a fair chance that she will never come crawling back at all This is what I expect. >She might even ghost you or forget about you Probably not but she will be careless. >>29880 >this is not a valid path forward, and shouldn't even be considered Agreed for different reasons. I had the same problems with my old crush, after a certain point she just cared so little that I basically had to beg her to have a conversation which itself is a sign that something is deeply wrong. After this point there's basically nothing you can do anymore. >You should look like you can do without her, and that will make you look more attractive. This is what made me attractive to her, I know the trick. I have also confirmed countless times by telling her explicitly during bad times that I would do her a favor without expecting anything bad even if I was angry at her which seems to make women wet their pants from excitement. >a partner that is needy I know that I'm needy. I became like that after my girlfriend said she prefers me a little bit needy, maybe because that may she was able to assure my submissiveness? Anyway, never again. >sever any ties with her Extremely difficult for various reasons. My parents know her, my stuff is still at her place, I have various belongings of her, we have the same friends and we talk in the same places on the internet (she's a lainon too but mostly lurks, I stopped talking in the IRC afraid that she might notice me). >pretty much everything that is not sitting alone in your room My only hobbies are all related to sitting alone in my room computers. >what you CAN control is identifying when you are emotionally vulnerable I'm miserable from the moment I force myself out of my warm bed, there's no avoiding it. Luckily I don't have nightmares anymore. >chanting mantras This sounds extremely helpful, I was reading a book about self-hypnosis already before which involved imagining a memory of the future where I'm happy about working hard and reaching my goals.

I hope things are going alright as they can be, OP. >pretty much all my hobbies are about sitting alone in my room. Excercise generally seems pretty good against depression. Go for a tough bikeride or take up running or some other related thing. Severing all ties seems like a sad approach, as far as I can tell you still want her (and maybe have a shot?). Not pestering her for a little while might be worth while though. Let her wonder what you're up to if she cares. May I ask what (as far as you can tell) lead to your cohabitation being considerd 'insufferable' ?

>Go for a tough bikeride or take up running or some other related thing. I go for bike rides at least once a day. Used to do running but I quit since I always end up overdoing it to the point that I had no energy to do anything else for the rest of the day. >have a shot My plan was to visit her this week but things took a bad turn and now we won't see each other for at least two more months and even after that I can't visit her right away. It really is like kicking dead whales down the beach, she was excited to see me again too. >Not pestering her for a little while might be worth while though I didn't talk to her for 7 days after I made this thread, I was starting to feel better little by little but my girlfriend suddenly returned to tell me how it would be sad if I couldn't visit her anymore and how she wasn't the one to leave. After that everything went well for a few days until she got angry at me for a very stupid reason the day before yesterday (she sent me music and I didn't listen to the tracks entirely) after which she refused to talk to me any further. Yesterday was my birthday and nobody in real life nor on the internet seemed to have remembered except the girl mentioned before. Even worse, my girlfriend nearly got raped by a drunk idiot yesterday. A friend of her told me yesterday about how she was on her way home from the store when a drunk person was complimenting her looks while trying to touch her and hold her hand which really terrified me. When we lived together I could at least rest assured that she was safe since we always went outside together, but now she's completely on her own and there's nothing I can do. I feel guilty about not keeping my promise of protecting her but at the same time it feels like she's taking advantage of me to do whatever she wants knowing I won't leave her even if I want to. It's unfair.

>>29910 I think it best if you don't try take a girl back because it easy to start with new girl.

>>30086 Is the girl that remembered your birthday the one you mentioned in the OP below? >there's another very nice girl who talks to me everyday and is willing to listen but it's not enough when I think back about the endless list of unfulfilled promises and fun ideas I had with my girlfriend Because if so, listen to this guy's words of wisdom >>30135 and give her a chance OP. Girls like your current one give you amazing highs but also frequent suffering, you are focusing on the highs too much. Go for a more balanced girl and you are gonna be happier in the long run. Trust me, I made the same mistake before and you can only see it clearly long after you missed the chance.

>>29851 >there's another very nice girl who talks to me everyday and is willing to listen but it's not enough when I think back about the endless list of unfulfilled promises and fun ideas I had with my girlfriend. This sounds like a load of copium anon, I think it's healthiest for you to try and find a way to move on, and if you so choose, pursue something with this new girl. If you're being treated like ass, get yourself out of it and get your head out of the gutter, it's a waste of time to mope and cope without adapting otherwise.

>>29851 why the fuarrrk would you make a thread about something so momentary on a site where you'll get a reply every month or so if things are nice?

>May I ask what lead to your cohabitation being considerd 'insufferable'? She had barely any space in her apartment so we couldn't be on our own whenever we wanted. >>30135 The problem with the other girl is that she's younger than me and lives even further away ... so we'll have to wait until I'm employed and can afford to bring her here. It's still better than having nobody to rely on. >>30137 Yes it is. The thing that hurts the most is that I'll never know whether it could have worked out with my ex-girlfriend if both of us were independent of each other and only spent time together whenever we wanted to. After all, last time I called her she seemed happy to talk to me and even said some nice things before hanging up. I should have known better instead of being so desparate to feel loved as soon as possible. >>30142 You're right. If the other person doesn't care anymore why should I? Today I decided to delete all of her pictures and make sure she can't contact me anywhere ever again. If she ever manages to delude my mind with sweet words again I won't forgive myself.