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I have a question for lainons that were mentally (and/or physically) abused by their peers and family during most of your childhood and teenage life - did you ever manage to outgrow and escape the depression resulting from it? Did you ever regain any sort of confidence in yourself? How do you cope with the fact that you realize how much you could've achieved if not [insert event here]?

cant change the past but can change the future thats pretty much it for real Why fret over thing you no longer have any opportunity of having power over

>>29206 Why let the past depress you? It wasn't your fault. You determine the course of your life. You cant change other people, but you can change who you are. If you feel like the world owes you something, and you want revenge, I can understand, but would it make you feel better if you got it? Its okay to have strong feelings while going through some soykaf, but letting it get you down means you are still letting the past control your future. You should be more independent because you aren't blinded by the illusion that people are good and will act in your best interest, since you know how soykafty people can really be. I was literally a slave for a while. I faced being locked up or being or being killed had I not kept my head down and just kept working. I don't think that it really hindered my ability to live my life. It isn't like I only have a few years left to live. Wounds heal, people die, you aren't the person you were, and you aren't who you will be. The only thing people can't take from you is your mind. If you let your mind get damaged by your feelings, you are giving up your greatest ability to succeed.

there is no escaping such a horrible past but, if any1 here was abused pls call a help line. it's the least you can do for yourself https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/reslist/tollfree/ https://victimconnect.org/resources/national-hotlines/#:~:text=ChildHelp%20National%20Child%20Abuse%20Hotline%20Hotline%3A%201%20%28800%29,is%20dedicated%20to%20the%20prevention%20of%20child%20abuse.

>>29208 >>29207 You're taking stoicism wrong. It's not a problem of an attitude to your past, it's a problem of the past inflicting permanent scars. There is fatalism. Things happen to people that they can't avoid. These people then become someone they can't escape being. There are normal people. And then there are people who are also scarred, like you. Communicating with the latter ones is tragic. Communicating with the former is a waste of time. Living alone is meaningless.

I still am in it because I was made dysfunctional from how I was raised and Ive been repeatedly manipulated into staying.

>>29207 Because it's stopping me from doing what I love. I want to self-improve, move past that time and be able to fulfill my own dreams, at least start working on fulfilling the very basic stuff. The problem is, after being ridiculed for showing results of my work on what I'm passionate about, at this point although I want to work on my passions, I'm repulsed by it. Whenever I start working on anything productive or meaningful, I get instantly discouraged and depressed by thoughts of how it's all pointless, I'm useless and there's no way I'll ever complete anything (even if it's a one-day task). I just fuarrrking hate how hard is it for me to even wake up and get going with my daily routine, because I don't quite feel like I ever "fully" achieve anything anymore. I can't take pride in my work because even when it's impressive, there's always the thought at the back of my head saying "[someone who bullied me] would've done that in at least quarter of the time I've spent on this task, I'm stupid". I've been to two therapists so far, and it's just not working. I feel like deleting this post because it's not perfect enough, but fuarrrk it, it's an anonymous board.

I don't know how to do it.

>>29208 >You cant change other people, but you can change who you are. And that's what makes me feel so miserable. Why live in a world, where no justice can be achieved?

I'm pretty much resigned to the idea that I won't be able to recover much without therapy. Too bad my work schedule keeps me from being able to see one. There are some that are available outside of that schedule, but either they don't take my insurance or they just don't seem trustworthy. But I have recovered a little bit. Since I learned that what I went through growing up was abuse, and that child abuse almost always leads to developmental issues like the ones I faced, I know now that it's not my fault I grew up the way I did. It's not my fault I had no self esteem, had no friends, couldn't focus on anything, etc. growing up. It's not my fault I missed out on so many formative experiences. It's not some alleged autism or ADHD (both diagnosed when they were huge fads) that made me this way, it's the abuse I faced. It's helped me to see myself not as someone who is defective and irredeemable, but someone who is broken and fixable. Still, recovery is such an uphill battle that I wonder if it's even worth fighting. I'm a month away from 30, barely have any friends, have never been in a relationship, and overall still feel like a high-schooler inside. I can't even think of any life goals that don't involve making up for the experiences I've missed and will never get another chance at having. Most people my age are even married now, and while marriage isn't something I care about personally, it just hits me knowing that I've never so much as had someone be interested in me.

>>29212 Im >>29207 Im gonna say you really over read a basic life lesson. It is a simple fact. How you feel about this and what it is philosophically is irrelevant and a practice in mental masturbation. We live in the real world. Ya im scarred, big whoop. Theres no point in crying about it and theres nothing I can do about it now.

>>29216 learn to enjoy the process maybe. I dont care if i am better performing than other people at this point and I just think worrying about it is a waste of time. I enjoy the things I do so I do them, I know a lot of people better at it and who could do it with less effort, but so what. Its my creation, i did it, I felt the completion rush, I am far past worrying about being the best pokemon catcher. I am at a point in life where I am fine being stupid, I am fine being delayed mentally based on experiences I get nothing out of dwelling on it and I get something if i just keep going and more time if I just accept it.

>>29206 Yes I was, and yes I did. It took years, but it was honestly better than never. Life is not optimal, if I learned something is that you should not plan it out too much.

>>29206 I was neglected, sexually abused, and physically abused (but not so much physical abuse). I haven't outgrown it, I have a lot of issues surrounding identity, some things which are likely misdiagnoses that exist above the root problem. I slowly gain more confidence in myself, it feels like a complete delusion, it probably is. I'm very distrustful and have a lot of anxiety issues, I put on a convincing persona I think. I'm less worried about achieving things, and I don't care about what I could have achieved without those things happening. I'm more worried about the daily mental issues which are likely related.

>>29218 Why care about justice. Unless you are going to become a vigilante, it should be understood that bad people get away with things because of money, power, or connections or just circumstance. You can try to help people and lessen the suffering in the world, but you have to understand that the world was never sunshine and rainbows. >>29220 >I'm pretty much resigned to the idea that I won't be able to recover much without therapy. There are more ways of dealing with trauma than speaking with a real doctor (tm). You can speak to community outreach, free online therapy, or religious clergy. Some of the less orthodox clergy are just great people to speak to. I hate that people act like they are their problems. People need to stop using them as a crutch for how soykafty their lives are going. Sure, things hurt, but if all you focus on is your problems, then you are going to spiral down. That is the idea of therapy, is to snap you out of that spiral before it gets too far gone to be helped and then instead of trying to lift you back up, big pharma will prey on the broken to give them anti-anxiety and anti-depression meds like it is going to cure them. I was diagnosed as having depression and a number of other "disorders" to de-legitimize my complaints about my abuse. Unfortunately for people who abused me, I learned psychology for myself and got over my problems. Diagnostics are just checklists, they aren't who you are every minute of every day. There is no reason you can't just change your entire paradigm. It is not easy, but eventually when you change your world view, your bad feelings will literally change overnight. I remember I woke up one morning and it was like somehow everything that I felt bad about was gone, and It was extremely strange to feel not-bad.

The past is past, i barely remember any of it and particularly the people, but i remember what i had to learn from those lessons. Most of the people who did things to me are probably dead or as good as dead, also ive far outgrown them by now too. I could be not depressed and bitter about it if i knew the world would have turned out better, but it has not. The same victim and perpetrator cycles that have gone on still keep going strong. You still see children being turned against one another by the system and adults licking the boot but take it out on children or poor people but never against a oppressive system that makes people lash out and turn them to violent monsters. More than ever this world is turned to a hellhole and humanity is proud of it and keeps it up and running, this is what is depressing and eating up my soul.

>>29206 I feel you lainon. If only I had a solution. After trying many things the lack of confidence, low self-worth and general avoidance of intimacy never went away. I always thought my feelings of worthlesness came from me being useless. I got good at coding, CAD, and electronics. The feeling of worthlessness never went away. I also thought I'd need to find friends. I actually found a few nerds I get along with, and while they're great it still doesn't help. I'm currently thinking about getting into combat sports (judo or jiu-jitsu) and getting swole. If I could fuarrrk up most people I can't feel inferior anymore, right? >>29207 >>29208 >bro just believe in yourself >bro just get over it >bro just be tough bro That's like telling a depressed person to cheer up. You're not helping. The question is not what to do. Cheering up would solve depression, moving on would fix my self-worth, confidence and trust issues. Duh. The question is how to do it, if I could just decide that the past doesn't matter to me anymore and move on I would have done so years ago.

>>29237 You solve depression by doing things. Fixing your diet, taking supplements (B-complex, iodine, zinc, magnesium, vitamin D), exercising daily, going out and doing whatever it is you need to do regardless. That is how I fixed mine. I still get depressed, but you know what I do? I channel that depression or that anger into something productive. "You put one step in front of the other and soon you'll be walkin' out the door." If you'd rather bitch about it on the internet and not solve it and just earn pity points, consider a blog.

>>29238 >hurr durr your depression isn't valid What is this muh bootstraps garbage? Look at the world we're living in; you'd have to be completely brainwashed and ignorant to not be depressed. No amount of le ebin self improvement is going to fix the fact we live in an increasingly dystopic world with no hope of salvation. I still am depressed even though: * My diet is great—always buy fresh foods, never processed; never eat fast food; cook for myself a lot; try to avoid overeating * I take supplements such as vitamin D and L-theanine for productivity * I go to a muay thai gym at least twice a week and take regular walks in my local park * I practice guitar regularly * I have a (LDR) girlfriend * I have a non-soykaf job with good pay and work/life balance Guess what? I still contemplate suicide. Not as much if I was a perma-shutin NEET, but it's still there. I highly recommend all lainanons read this: https://philosophicalsociety.com/Archives/Philosophy%20And%20Depression.htm tl;dr, depression should be better classified as: >the healthy suspicion that 1) there may not be an aim or point to existence, and/or 2) that the life people have actually created, the 'structure of society,' is not one worth participating in. The objective should not be to kill this suspicion, but to tame it and work with it.

>>29240 >tl;dr, depression should be better classified as: >>the healthy suspicion that 1) there may not be an aim or point to existence, and/or 2) that the life people have actually created, the 'structure of society,' is not one worth participating in. That's a bad classification, as a person is perfectly capable of recognizing those two facts while also being happy and contented (I am a prime example). Additionally many very stupid people are depressed, indicating that depression doesn't manifest only from philosophical/existential considerations or understanding the state of the world. Just because *your* depression manifests that way doesn't mean everyone's does. Depression has more to do with how you react to the bad things in the world. A depressed person is unwilling or unable to take their mind off the bad things. Depression goes from a state of mind to a mental illness when this state of depression never goes away. >>29212 >You're taking stoicism wrong. >There is fatalism. Things happen to people that they can't avoid. These people then become someone they can't escape being. The first two sentences any stoic would agree with. The third sentence is antithetical to stoicism. The whole point is that it is possible to discipline your mind into being a righteous person. I'm not a stoic though.

>>29242 >I'm happy and contented but he says in >>29238 >>I still get depressed your argument is moot. Ineded, you aren't happy—you're self-deluded.

>>29243 NTA, but gotta chime in. Depression can be a short term manifestation of chemical imbalance or the inability to cope with a certain problem. Depression, as I have seen it in many cases, is nothing but a state of mind, where one does not see a solution to a problem, but nevertheless focuses on that problem, either because of mentioned imbalance, stress, or because of outer circumstances forcing one to linger on the problem. Really there can be any number of reasons forcing one to dwell on a problem for too long, therefore becoming depressed. I should also mention, that the problem can also be the circumstances one finds himself in, and is unable to find an escape from. To defeat such problems, to defeat depression, it is of utmost importance to cultivate a self-discipline that forces one to move forward, when otherwise the mind wouldn't be able to. A force on a near instinctual level, that drives one into a routine, until one is far enough away from the problem, to look at it from a distance, and find the solutions he couldn't see from his fixed position. Something that >>29238 perfectly explained, if a little unrefined. Therefore, it is indeed a valid argument, from someone who clearly knows what they're talking about. If you need a way to defeat depression, take advice, and try it out, instead of blindly throwing it out the window. The words >>29238 gave you, are something you wouldn't even get from a lot of friends. That anon gave you advice that could come from a true friend, for free. As to address other posts: >>29237 What you may be facing is a lack of purpose. I know that feel, as I had felt it for a long time. I swam with the flow, became indebted, and still had nothing to show for it. I took up an interest of mine, forging. It can be anything really, as long as it gives you something to look forward to, something to plan for. Planning is important. As long as you plan, you have a promise to yourself. You gather info, make plans, buy or collect materials and tools, maybe even get others into it. And when the day comes, you do it. And now, that is very important: You. Will. Fail. You will fail, I cannot say how much, but it's probably going to be a lot. I failed often. Misplanned something, didn't buy enough welding rods, forgot an important tool. But don't let that discourage you. Keep. Pressing. On. Go through with your plans. Look for alternatives, correct mistakes slowly and carefully, don't stay on the floor, get up and move on. It will gradually get easier. It's never easy at the start, but it eventually will get easier. If you need more advice, I lurk Lainchan frequently. If you need more specific answers, you know there are other boards like DIY and programming. Don't let despair consume you >>29215 I know that feel so well, it's kinda scary. I haven't come up with a perfect solution to that, but I am able to cope by being more stoic, and try to avoid escapism. I succeeded in kicking my video game addiction for the most part, tho I'm still working on it. I fill up the time I could spend escaping my thoughts with active research and self-improvement. If I can find out, what I need to know and be able to do to stand on my own, then I can learn that stuff, and when I manage that, I can move on to actually look for a job, earn and save money, move out and become independent. It sounds easier than it is, but nothing is easy, even sh!tting requires you to push. The more you work on something, the more familiar it becomes, the easier it becomes to do. This applies to everything. Be it folding origami birds, welding pipes, writing poems, or butchering chickens. Keep moving. Don't stop. Bewegung ist Leben, Stillstand ist Tod

>>29243 not the same person, friend

>>29244 >Depression can be a short term manifestation of chemical imbalance or the inability to cope with a certain problem. >Depression, as I have seen it in many cases, is nothing but a state of mind Once again you bootlickers come out with your slave mentality spouting out the lie that depression is a personal failure. This toxic, Western (mostly American) way of thinking about mental illness is incorrect and harmful. If you are depressed because you find your self living in a dystopia with no way out, you’re not a mental weakling—you’re looking at the world through a healthy and sane lens. Distracting yourself through constant “doing” is not a solution but merely a distraction. Indeed, the Puritan mentality that work will bring you salvation is also an incorrect and incredibly harmful mentality that pervades the Western (and again, mostly American) mindset. Clearly you haven’t read Lao Tzu or any other Daoist texts, in which the wise action to do is to “do nothing.” To constantly be doing and doing is to ignore the root of the problem and is a straight path unto losing one’s priorities as to what is really important. The prevalence of depression today is the result of failing societies. Actually, scratch that; sane people are depressed because life is suffering. To search for happiness is futile; all we can hope for is to live mildly content lives that are absent of suffering to the greatest extent possible. The only comfort left is death and the great void of which there is no escape. Anybody who tells you otherwise is selling snake oil or is a self-deluded cultist. A cultist of religion, a cultist of capitalism, a cultist of workerism, etc.—none of them have the answer.

>>29246 >Clearly you haven’t read Lao Tzu or any other Daoist texts, in which the wise action to do is to “do nothing.” To constantly be doing and doing is to ignore the root of the problem and is a straight path unto losing one’s priorities as to what is really important. Lao Tzu and Zhuangzi would not condone moping around like a sadsack either. Don't try to justify your defeatist (and also distinctly Western and American) mindset with their teachings.

No, I still suffer and I doubt that will ever change

>>29246 My mindset is distinctly Anti-American, and you are exactly in a situation, where you dwell on problems without seeing a solution. You talk about dystopia without a way out? This is foolishness of the highest degree, and an excuse for your inaction. The world is nowhere near a Dystopia, but simply at a turning point. A crisis is coming, a dire times. If you think you have it bad now, just wait until the financial bubbles burst, and a large part of the population becomes impoverished. As you sit around and dwell on your problems, without producing results, you are simply accepting death. Instead working towards a goal, improving yourself, your perspective, and your standing in the world, you sit and contemplate the inescapability of the modern world. The world is big enough. You are free to do what you want. But your preferred course of action is to delude yourself into thinking that nothing is possible, everything is controlled, and you are trapped animal. If this attitude is so deeply engraved in you, that you attack others who give advice on how to overcome it, consider ditching the internet for a while. A few months at least. You're not seeking solutions, you are merely seeking affirmation. You want to stew in your own juices, not allowing anything positive in your life, as that would undermine your excuse that the world is bad and you cannot do anything about it. Again, leave the internet, or at least avoid any and all social media, which includes image- and Textboards.

>>29238 I was making a point. I've now derailed this thread by using depression as an example.The problem I described in my post (and that this thread is about) is dealing with the consequences of bullying. >If you'd rather bitch about it on the internet and not solve it and just earn pity points, consider a blog. I don't think you actually read my post before replying. If supplements and exercise helped your depression that's awesome. If only I had something to right the (most likely bullying-induced) damage to my subconsciousness, to stop it from poisoning my self-image and consequently my life. Since I do not, I am looking for ways to fix it and describe to other lainons in this thread what didn't help so they may learn from my mistakes. >>29244 >What you may be facing is a lack of purpose. That's almost certainly a part of it. Though I have multiple projects going, building machines, designing circuit boards or writing firmware. Projects I am very passionate about, but they sure as hell aren't enough to pull me out of this hole. No purpose (or goal) I've found so far was enough for that.

Let's be practical. Situation: I am depressed, feel heavy, cannot see any reward in doing the things that I should be doing, and spend my days laying in bed and feeling angsty, useless and guilty. What to do? >Just do things I have a mental block where I feel unable to sit down in front of the computer and spend 10 minutes replying to an email that someone sent me 8 days ago. >Have a routine Same as above. I don't have any motivation to do anything. >Take vitamins/exercise I'm 28, have tried this many times over the years, and it never worked. >Take st john's wort/tryptophan doesn't work. >Take ssris I don't like the idea of taking psychiatric medication. Too many side effects. >Do therapy I have tried 3 therapists and it only made things worse. Therapy is harmful to me. My conclusion is that I have to just wait it out, maybe it will take a week or maybe it will take a month, but eventually I will regain my clarity of mind and will reorganize my life. I am forced to accept my limitations, even though I hate thinking of myself as having "an issue".

>>29220 >overall still feel like a high schooler inside I feel this way too, I'm 25. I've been wondering if people just feel this way their whole lives. I feel like a stupid kid around everyone. Why do we feel like this?

>>30565 Dont know about you but i still look 16 at 28 which might be partially at fault - if your enviroment still threats you like a kid then you more likelly to act like one. Would guess many are looking younger than their age compared to parents which makes older adults think youre younger than you are.

>>30566 I don't really act like one. I look like I'm in my 30's and that's how old everyone thinks I am. I have a mortgage and a nice car (no payment) even, but I still feel like I'm not on the same level of.. something I don't even know, as other people. Like I'm just faking being an adult.

>>29206 >I have a question for lainons that were mentally (and/or physically) abused by their peers and family during most of your childhood and teenage life - >did you ever manage to outgrow and escape the depression resulting from it? No >Did you ever regain any sort of confidence in yourself? No >How do you cope with the fact that you realize how much you could've achieved if not [insert event here]? Stop caring this life doesn't last forever

Yep, basically cut all ties with narcissistic father and sister just couple of weeks ago. Couldn't have my own identity at my parents house. Would be always pushed around, physically and emotionally. I was never enough for them, even though I had best grades, went at the gym etc etc.... even now, me being 26, I hear constant pushing from them to shave my beard, to lose the little belly fat I have gained over couple of last years, to ask for a pay raise because they think I have small salary for my line of work.... In reality I was just a play thing to them, whenever they were bored they would barge in my room and jump on me, punch me, kick me, tickle me, pinch me, mess with me. Not allow me to lock my room to stop them doing this when I needed to study. I didn't feel safe or to have my personal space. If I voiced my opinion or concern I would be shouted down or bellittled. Few weeks ago I went to my sister on the other side of the country because I was in region for a new job interview. I went to her and was a bit of a bad mood because idiot interviewer wanted to lowball me (lower than my current salary) and used the bullying ego provoking tactics that my father and sister used on me my whole life. She wanted to have a good time spent with me and it personally bugged her that I was in a bad mood. She bugged me what was the issue and when I told her that I was pissed off by the interviewer then she gave me some half assed advice how I should be more careful. She didn't care about me at all, she wanted to have good time with her brother, i was just a "brother" in her life. A character without any deeper dimension, a fuarrrking charicature that is there for nothing else but either amusement or money. Yea, she stole money from me when I was younger. Yea she asks me for money nowadays even though she has more than me. Parents never taught her how to behave. I was never allowed to punch this cunt but she used to bully me to the point of insanity. Father was ego driven lazy idiot. Mother pseudonormality chief.

Hello, I did do it. It just took lots of inner work, specifically introspection, recapitulation, self help, and counseling. I would strongly recommend the work of a man named Leo Gura, he created a service called 'Actualized.org', you can find him on youtube where he posts excellent free self help content. I learned so much from him, hes a great person for the value he generates in this world. (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgeicB5AuF3MyyUto0-M5Lw)

>>30569 I feel this anon so much. I'm going through a similar experience, and trying to figure everything out while being told I need to be this or that way for family is so rough. Not being able to express any negative emotions for fear that they might punish you for it. Its ok to be negative soykaf happens. I hope you get to express all of the negative feelings pint up inside. Maybe just go on a anger-binge where you play a bunch of violent video games and punch those cunts in the face like you wanted to (May I suggest POSTAL 2). Or better yet join a kickboxing gym and actually punch people in the face. Hell while your at it cry-binge too its not gay until someone sees you.

>>29206 >How do you cope with the fact that you realize how much you could've achieved if not [insert event here]? I realized that the achievements which I came to value weren't actually what i wanted at all they were what my parents/society wanted out of me. Once you come to understand your own wants/needs you realize that achieving those needs isn't as insurmountable as people claim it to be. if you just think outside the box you may find that you can get to that point at the same time as the average if not faster.