I am completely alone with no friends, no external support, not even friends on the Internet.
Ask yourself one question. What is friendship? I am writing what is friendship between lulmis? For now, think about it, and I will tell you my situation and my point of view.
No one wants to talk to me, or even (I think) contact me at all. I am ashamed to look girls in the eye. And not only girls. I look at girls, at guys, how they look, and they look very attractive, have nice clothes, and are confident in communicating with others. Not like me. I'm some kind of unshaven, smelly, insecure soykaf.
What am I doing at home? Oh, nothing much. I study chemistry, mathematics, quantum physics, watch all sorts of Veritasium, Math and Science, Najam Academy on YouTube. I program in assembly language. There are assemblers like mushrooms after the rain. I can make an .exe less than 500 bytes that will calculate something, like GCD. This is not C, C++, where the minimum file is 10-30 KiB. Here I am making PE00 with my hands in HxD. If you're interested in learning more about assembler, let me know in the comments.
Коли я гуляю на вулиці, я людних місць уникаю. Просто в мене напряг від людей. Ну типу я думаю що коли я подивлюсь дівчині в очі, то подумає що я негарний і взагалі нібито у мене на лобі написано щоб вона не спілкувалася зі мною.
And then there's the kind of thing where I'm walking and I see that I'm moving in the same direction as a random girl, but I'm behind her. And then I'm like: “Shit, I'm constipated again. It's not good to go forward, like, I'll be walking too fast and she might think I'm running like a fool. I'd better cross the road, there's no constipation there.” When they are coming at you, you don't care, but when you walk almost at the same speed or a little faster, they will think that a pickup truck has come. Scientifically speaking, if the spins are the same, everything is bad, and if they are different, everything is good.
I think that no one has friends. What you call friends are not really friends. These people just need something from you. They have a mask on their face when they apologize, sympathize, rejoice. They can leave you at any time. And your parents can throw you out of the house like the last mutt, too. You may actually have only 1-2 real friends. The first and most important one is yourself, but you have to prepare yourself for this. The second is your religion, faith, and other spiritual things. You cannot rely on another person completely. But you can easily rely on yourself, but this does not mean that it will be an easy path.
When I communicate with someone, I feel out of sync, which only accumulates over time. True friends are those who will not tell me to do something stupid for the sake of show and for the sake of “laughing”. This is immediately one of the indicators of who is definitely not a good friend. Not only do they look at TikTok, smoke e-cigarettes, drink energy drinks, but they also ask you to do some soykaf. Just because they don't have enough orgasms from TikTok, electronics, chocolates, energy drinks, and their “boyfriend” at their side. They're just showing off.
There is also a universal indicator. When you want to talk to someone but the other person is not interested. You will feel that they are not interested at all. Don't try to show or tell them something again. It's completely useless.
And if you're not interested in someone, just say so and move on. Don't say something like, “Do you mind that I have to feed the cat?” Don't ask a question, just hit them where it hurts: “Anyway, I'm going to feed the cat!”. No further explanation is needed! Just get up and go feed the cat half a meter long sausages. If they laugh at you after that, they will ignore you after such a drastic turn of events. Congratulations! It is better not to communicate with such people at all if possible. And if they run after you, it's a completely different matter.
I want to have a girlfriend from time to time. Not for sexual relations, but to have a real friend without quotation marks (not cat ones, but “”). So that you can get a different experience from life. Play volleyball, ride a bike, swim together.
Yes, if you want all this, it means you need to work hard on yourself and find someone who will resonate with my frequency. It's all a bit complicated. I'd rather learn about integrals, chemistry, quantum mechanics. And so I got stuck in a circle. As if I had signed a pact with the devil.