Writing

Yo, I'm actually writing my own novels and short stories at the moment. And I've noticed that I use a lot of pronouns in each sentence. Any tips on how to lessen them?

>>7492 Do you mind posting a couple paragraphs? It would help me better understand the issue by seeing it in context.

Commas, autist, allow for concise tangents to remain specific without erring in reference; semicolons count too. Also ensure your paragraph structure isolates subjective concepts. You don't have to follow the rules they taught in third grade, just remember to unfold details as if they were thoughts, the "proper format" is otherwise irrelevant. Lo is the autist Isolated to rules-be Just do it, glitterboy.

>>7495 the arfing letterfilter fudgedicked my haiku I'm so mad right now

>>7494 Here's one of my paragraphs A certain prince was always rebellious towards his royal family, he doesn’t care about royal honorifics and doesn’t know how to dress properly. His three siblings try their best to lecture him but it’s like talking to a brick wall, nothing gets through his thick skull. It was not the kind of behavior the King and Queen expected of their child, they both knew he was not qualified to be heir to the throne when the King passes. One day, he was scolded for not sitting properly at a gathering and not minding proper manners while eating. He scoffed at them, asking what was the significance of being so formal all the time. The crude language angered the parents and sent him outside in hopes of knocking some sense into him. The guards threw him out without concern, it happened a lot of times already. One time it was because he casually talked to peasants like they were friends, he doesn’t understand the need to have a difference in treatment between royals and peasants. From what he observed, peasants should serve their rulers. ‘But shouldn’t it be the other way around?’ He asked himself...

>>7502 A certain prince was always rebellious towards his royal family, caring not of honorifics not dress. Three siblings, trying their best, lecture a brick wall, "Nothing gets through his thick skull!" His behavior was unexpected. The foremost heir, yet most unqualified. Scolded for not sitting properly, aloof in his manners eating, he scoffed, "What is the significance of formality?" And was formally removed. The guards saw to it he saw the door, often as it was, and handled him so. Lounging, laughing, living, see, these are no friends of royalty. Peasants found, a pleasant sound, a conversation free. I'm done. Read Shakespeare.

>>7503 Woah... Shakespeare huh? I have these moments where I understand English but don't know how to speak it so...

>>7505 "There is one point that I want to impress upon you! The best models of English writing are Shakespeare and the Old Testament especially the Book of Job, the Psalms, the Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and the Song of Solomon. It will be a very good thing for you to commit as much as you can, both of these books and of the best plays of Shakespeare to memory, so that they form the foundation of your style: and in writing English, the most important quality that you can acquire is style." (Aleister Crowley)

>>7492 w/ regards to writing too many pronouns in a sentence. I wouldn't worry so much about it, as you write more and read more you'll get better at building sentences. Something I like to do is reread passages from my work out loud that helps me sorta pick out the awkward sounding parts.

>>7738 This I feel is good advice. Main writing advice I've found is pretty much vid related- just write, you'll get better the more practice. Endlessly revise what you have to until you like it, but always keep writing to attain the practice I've also heard that reading your writing aloud helps you to detect issues with flow or etc

>>7492 Also, bump for writing advice and critiquing Put off actually writing for nearly 10 years now, just have a folder full of so many fuarrrking outlines, ideas, but very little actual writing snippets

>>7502 a prince rebelling against family, flaunting all practice of true courtesy and dressing himself most improperly His brothers him lecture, but he is a wall no argument penetrates through his thick skull yet soon on his shoulders the kingdom will fall lol OP don't try to insert politics so hard into your soykaf this is embarrassing. Ive seen too much writing lately that tries to envision some fake world or fantasy/medieval setting whatever but does not actually feel like the author puts himself in the shoes of the people in that world, he has no theory of mind or history just sort of projects modernity onto these alien settings. Read some old books, read the accounts we have of charlemange, how he deals with his children, manages his kingdom. Should your king even be lecturing the kids at the dinner table ? try to think about their attitudes and their world views. Your writing isn't great and we can criticize is but the root problem isn't the presentation, its the core material of what you're writing which is offputting and strange.

>>7495 that's a killer fuarrrking poem

Use names, titles, descriptors, and group designators (technically this is a pronoun type though but adds variety). It is also possible to use the singular-they pronoun when the gender of the person isn't clear at first, which should not be over done but it helps mix things up by not being limited in lexicon.

>>7502 I feel that stating what is happening outright leads to snappier writing than using so many negations. Phrases like "they both" in this context are redundant and bloat the word count whilst adding nothing, the reader understands that "they" refers to both monarchs. If this is habitual it will slow the pace of your story to a crawl. >It was not the kind of behavior the King and Queen expected of their child, they both knew he was not qualified to be heir to the throne when the King passes. Versus something like: >The King and Queen feared this uncouth behaviour from their child, for it proved that the Prince would be unfit to succeed his father's royal duties. Rather than relying on my example (or >>7503), you should practice line editing when you feel your text doesn't hit the mark. As with writing a first draft, you'll improve the more you work on it.

>>9942 To avoid pronoun "they" or even saying just "both" you can say >the monarchs >the parents When it is an action you can use >together they >independently they This gives you extra information to make the pronoun usage more useful. Though when using "independently" you can use "each" instead of "they"

>>9943 whats wrong with they ? its way more valid then "both"

where i can read your novels and short stories?

>>9944 Nothing it just adds more variety.