(untitled)

Hello everyone, I've started messing around with Anglo-Saxon poetic meter. I've not gotten very far with it, but I just finished something sizeable enough to request feedback on. It's admittedly not very good, but it's the first time I've been able to complete anything more than a line or two. I started out by writing a diary entry of my day up until about lunch time, then breaking things down into the rhythms of Anglo-Saxon meter. For those that don't know, Anglo-Saxon meter uses alliteration rather than rhyme and each line contains four stressed syllables, at least two of which must alliterate. There is a caesura (a pause of some kind) splitting the line and anywhere from zero to four unstressed syllables per half-line (also called a hemstich). Those are the basics for my purposes. The arrangements can get more complicated depending on taste and circumstance. I'm using "--" to indicate a caesura in the lines below. >At sun-up he rose -- to sally his car >forth to Firestone -- to fix and repair >his aging vehicle -- and vanquish ill luck >while riding on roads -- ruining good health >with crushed metal -- and mortal injury >The repair rep -- when review was asked >estimated both hours -- to inspect and respond >He waited and drew -- draining time >as the day rose -- and arrivals mounted >The rep returned -- revealing the cost >The price was great -- but he agreed to pay >for safety assured -- while sailing the roads >that clothe the city -- covering web-like >the metropolis form -- marking and fulfilling >lives and dreams -- and living nightmares >Waitng was heavy -- like a war of boredom >Escape was mandated -- enacted desperately >A food shop nearby -- filled hunger's need >then he wandered streets -- staring at posters >flitting time away -- 'til Firestone he returned. I think it can be seen that I started to loosen up a little towards the end (I had left Firestone, gone on some errands and was relaxing before writing the last two sections). Once I get more comfortable with the form, I want to focus more on creating stronger visuals. After that, maybe symbolism, metaphor and so on. Really I want to get to a point where I can write some nice dramatic or narrative works, but I only just started with this. Any feedback is appreciated. Thank you!

>>2673 Very lovely, OP. I would like to learn Old English eventually.

>>2738 It's easier than you'd think even if, like me, you had no experience in it. There have been some significant changes, but the general vocabulary still has some vestigial similarity. Example: wisa = wise wer = man his = his hus = house ofer = over stan = stone com = come flod = flood bleowon = blowing windas = winds hit = it ne = not feoll =fell waes = was With all of that, most of the following should be comprehensible, if not clear. >Se wisa wer timbrode his hus ofer stan. Þa com þær micel flod, and þær bleowon windas, and ahruron on þæt hus, and hit ne feoll: soþlice, hit wæs ofer stan getimbrod. The full translation is here: https://www.arts.gla.ac.uk/STELLA/readings/OE/MAN.HTM

So I've been continuing on my experiments with Anglo-Saxon meter. This time, I tried to create something fictional. Right now it was just randomly throwing together some ideas, but eventually I would like to get good enough for narrative storytelling or, ideally, dramatic verse (plays and whatnot) For this set, I've capitalized the stressed syllables just so people can see if the flow works. It's not quite there, but I think with practice I'll get it. >i SIlently SIT here, in this SULlen ROOM >in the DARK are the WALLS, DANK in the GLOOM >a SPEAR of LIGHT is there, a SPARK on the WALL >a WINdow is PLACED there, a PORTal to SKY >the WORLD that is OUtside, what is OFfered to SEE? >i CAST my EYES downward, CATCHing a FLAW >INfecting the WINdow, an OMinous CRACK >a CROOKed FINger, CRAWLing on the PANE >an OMinous PORtent, Overshadowing HOPE >no WILD OUTdoors, but a WORLD DEcayed >the PARtitioning GLASS, PREDicts only DOOM >i Abandon brief HOPE, that of BOUNDing OUTdoors >and SIlently SIT, in my SULlen GLOOM A little grim, but as I mentioned, I was just throwing stuff together and trying to make it fit. I also notice, I'm using masculine endings quite a bit (ending on a stress syllable rather than an unstress syllable.) I don't know if that is a good or bad trait or not. I think the next step would be something a little more narrative. Any input would be appreciated.

Another project has been to attempt to mess around with Esperanto poetry. Mostly for the same reasons (to get to the point of narrative and dramatic verse). I've been experimenting with a form of Alexandrine meter. Alexandrine meter is used for syllabic verse rather than accentuated verse. There is some stress, but it usually happens at the end of a half-line regardless of anything else. My modified variants of an Alexandrine half-line are below: >a) uuuuSu >b) SuuuSu >c) uSuuSu >d) uuSuSu Full Alexandrine line examples (where the comma represents a caesura, or break in flow): >uuuuSu, SuuuSu >uSuuSu, uuSuSu So with that, here's a rewrite of the previous poem in Esperanto. Just to be safe, I'm using X notation instead of UTF-8 glyphs, even though it is a bit uglier. I'm also captializing the stress syllables to highlight which half-line variation I'm using. The grammar is a bit off and I'm not sure I'm using the right words or their modifications, but I hoping that will come with time. >cxie tiu malaFABla, CXAMbro mi enSIDas >la malBRILaj MURoj, huMIDaj, malLUMaj >tio estas LUmo, SPARKo sur la MURoj >fenEStron inSTALis, porTALo al EKster >MONdo estas EKster, kion aFERojn VIdi? >kial ne forIRi? kio min preVENtas? >mi malsupre VIdas, elTOVas diFEKton >aPERas en VItro, miNAca deFEKto >la malrekta FINGro, RAMpas sur la VItro >miNAca auxGUro, peNEtras esPERon >kaj ne bona EKster, sed la PUtra Mondo >la parTIgas VItro, paROlas paREon >forlasi esPERon, ke me SALtas EKster >kaj SIlenti SIdas, en malbrila CXAMbro I'm not too sure about the use of "ekster" for outside... it might more appropriately be "ekstero", which messes up the syllable count, but overall it's a start. One thing I noticed is that there wasn't much end-rhyming. A lot of Esperanto poetry end-rhymes because the words end the same way depending on their function (nouns end with "o", adjectives end with "a", plurals end with "j", etc). Focusing on syllable count caused me to forget about trying to rhyme. I don't know know if overall it's a good thing or a bad thing or just the way things are. Time will tell I supposed. Any input is appreciated.

>>2824 this is pretty cool, post more!

>>2825 Thanks for the kind words! I'll post more when I have something ready!