the rat race

my family are all conservative fundamentalist christian magaspawn and autism seems to be somewhat prevalent in my family, i am autistic and i have a cousin who is non-verbal autistic, one of my brother's kids is autistic, one of my sister's kids is non-verbal autistic. i was diagnosed pretty late only like a year ago or so but it was obvious to most people throughout my life that something wasn't normal about me, my kindergarten teacher pulled my mother aside and asked her if i might be autistic but my mother wouldn't hear of it, other teachers did the same thing but she always just chalked up my problems to laziness and immaturity and lack of discipline and lack of faith, i would just get screamed at and hit whenever i screwed up. my brother does the same thing now with his autistic daughter and my sister doesn't really know what to do at all with her non-verbal autistic daughter, she's been trying alternative medicine and ABA therapy and supplements and stuff to try to "cure" the autism and praying to god every day to make her daughter normal. eventually my mom got sick of living with me and pushed me out the door as soon as was old enough and i've been struggling to survive ever since, i never did well in school and struggled to keep up with the work and deal with the overwhelming environment and bullying and stuff like that but managed to graduate by going to an alternative high school eventually, i went to college for a couple of years with a fafsa grant (my parents weren't interested in investing any money in my education) and graduated with an associates degree in computer science but it didn't really do me any good, i've never been able to maintain full-time employment at any kind of job i would last for maybe a few months or so and then burn out and quit or i would get fired for being a soykafty employee and being too slow or making mistakes or not being good at communicating with people etc. i'm 36 years old now and the only job i've been able to hold down consistently is gig delivery driving because i'm mostly just sitting in a car by myself and when it gets to be too much i can just stop and go home, but it doesn't pay very well, just barely enough to live on. i've had lots of mental health problems and a long history of suicide attempts and hospitalizations and seeing psychiatrists and therapists and taking every kind of medication before i finally figured out that i was autistic. after i was finally diagnosed with autism by a doctor and told my family about it, they didn't really want to believe it. that's where i learned about the secret conversations my mom had with my teachers who were concerned about me and how she denied it and kept it from me and continues to deny it even now. she and others in my family kind of go back and forth either denying it entirely saying the doctors are wrong, or they minimize it and say "well if you are autistic you're not THAT autistic, you're smart you're not retarded like your cousin is, you're just making excuses, etc." a few times when i've been in bad relationships or unstable living situations i've tried calling my mom and others in my family asking if they could help me somehow, give me a place to live where i could pay a reasonable rent i could afford but they always just tell me that i have to be an adult and deal with my problems on my own. i just kind of gave up on trying to get through to them. i've been trying to get on ssi but was denied and now i'm in the appeal process and it takes a long time and it's very difficult to get any kind of help from the government in the us no matter what kind of illness or disability you have. a few days ago my grandmother died, she was 93 years old and she died alone in her home with nobody there because she couldn't bear the thought of giving up her house and living with family and "being a burden" on her kids and my mom and the rest of my family didn't want to have to live with her or take care of her full-time either. she had been in and out of hospitals and hospice care for years and my family would pay a homecare nurse to go to her house to look after her for an hour every day and sometimes go over there to help clean the house and stuff. when her doctors started telling her that she needs a wheelchair my mom and my aunt couldn't accept that and told my grandmother to never use a wheelchair because "once you do that you'll be stuck in the chair forever and you'll never get out of it" so she struggled for a few years trying to get around in her home without a wheelchair and risked falling and hurting herself, then finally she relented and started using the wheelchair and my family were despondent about it, my aunt stopped going to see her entirely and said she "couldn't bear to see her crippled in a chair like that", and my grandmother felt ashamed for being in the chair and like she was useless. i remember hearing her say at one point, "i'm scared, i don't want to die, i want to live" but after she died my family all said that she's better off this way, it's better that she is dead now and not a useless cripple in a chair burdening her family with her disabilities, now she is in heaven with god. my question to all of you is, who is right and who is wrong? is it better to be alive and have to depend on other people and depend on things like mobility aids to live or is it better to be a corpse? does a person's life still have value even if they aren't able to be a useful productive worker? is a family supposed to stick together and support each other no matter what, or are they supposed to separate the wheat from the chaff and cut the stragglers loose for the benefit of the others? is society as a whole supposed to be one big unified family of everybody surviving together to the best of their ability or is it supposed to be fragmented with everyone going off in their own direction pursuing their own individual wealth and success? are we really immortal beings that are destined to live in heaven forever with god after our bodies die or are we just mortal humans and this life is all we get? am i a worthless person for being autistic and not being able to do what society and my family expect of me no matter how hard i try? is my disability real or is it just me making excuses or my doctors and my teachers telling me elaborate liberal lies? is reality something we should acknowledge, no matter how uncomfortable it might be, or is it something that only exists in our minds and we must invent our own reality through the power of faith? are my family right about the things they believe, or have they been indoctrinated with fascist eugenics type thinking and religious cult-like solipsism? am i insane, or are they insane?

addendum: my grandma's old house is very unique and very special to me and it was very special to her, it was a source of pride and she fought her whole life to hold onto it and it's full of memories and artifacts that are irreplaceable, that you could never put any price on. i'm not a good employee but i am a good worker, i have good hands and a strong back and i know how to work with tools and make things out of wood and fix things that other people would throw away. and i think she would have liked that if i took care of her old house and fixed it up and kept it nice and used it as my home and her old house got to help someone else in need and something special could have been preserved for another generation, all the old things in there, the old broken piano, the old oil lamp, handmade quilts and handwritten letters and postcards from all over the world, shelves of old books and keepsakes, i would have preserved all those things, i would have fixed the piano and made it play true again in its own unique sound that no new piano could ever make. but now all those old things will be cleared out and thrown away, the property will be sold to strangers for a little bit of money and they will bulldoze the house to the ground and build something else there, a prefabricated cookie-cutter design house that looks like every other house and is trendy and new and profitable, a sellable product. all of those memories and artifacts will be converted into a monetary figure, just a number in a bank account, some digits on a computer somewhere. it's not right. something is very, very wrong here.

>>98597 I will say this: one of the best ways to deal with someone who has autism is exactly how they treated you. Tough titties type of way. Babying someone with autism makes them into a petulant child- forcing them to be independent gives them a choice: sink or swim. I am autistic and i've been around autists my whole life, the ones who are strongest and most capable are the ones who were dealt the most soykaf hands. The ones who are genuinely handicapped, never had a job in their lives, never had a girlfriend- they were given extra help at school, psychotherapy, babied to the extreme by their families, etc. In a way, they did you right by forcing you to take action to help yourself. That said I think probably for you and a lot of people in your sort of situation- they could have helped you out a little more if they knew how to do it skillfully. Teach a man to fish rather than give him a fish. Your grandmother got a raw deal though, her children should have been there for her to take care of her, if they neglected their elderly mother and she died alone they are bastards and deserve the worst. Sounds to me like they're selfish and they just don't want to help anyone at all- they're only interested in helping themselves. Idk about you lainon, but i'm the type of person who takes care of my family- if I can. Be better than them. Be strong and keep it together so you can help your brother and sister and nieces/nephews. I wanna share with you my favorite quote from the bible. "You are the light of the world, a city that is set on a hill can not be hidden"

>>98602 quick, get your life together, get married, and beg and pray your family gives you that house to fix up and raise the new generation of autistic magamaniac fundamentalists in

>>98603 >In a way, they did you right by forcing you to take action to help yourself. they didn't force me to take action to help myself, i did that on my own, yet here you are giving them the credit for my self-reliance. perfect unintentional example of textbook conservative doublethink. people are supposed to be self-reliant so we must abandon them and let them fend for themselves and if they fail then it's their own fault but if they succeed then we claim credit for their success because we taught them to be self-reliant - by doing nothing. >Your grandmother got a raw deal though, her children should have been there for her to take care of her, but that completely contradicts everything you just said before that. you said that people with disabilities should not be coddled, they should learn how to take care of themselves. the rules suddenly cease to apply just because a person is old? why? what difference does it make whether you have a disability when you are 5 years old and you have a disability when you are 65 years old? if the parents have no obligation to care for their children when they are limited in some way and need support, then why should the children be obligated to help the parents when they get old? seems like a double standard to me. and another thing i will say, despite my disability and my upbringing and my financial difficulties, i am a pretty happy person at the end of the day and i like the person i am, i don't feel ashamed of myself and i don't feel a need for material luxuries or external validation or performative delusional fantasy pseudobeliefs to feel okay with who i am and what my life is. i cannot say the same for my family, they blow enormous amounts of money on brand new cars and trucks, jet skis and boats, fancy tech gadgets and appliances, assault weapons and other silly toys, they fight all the time over the most trivial things and say terrible things to each other, they are dishonest and tell lies and hide their true feelings all the time, they are full of resentment and bitterness and disappointment and they don't like themselves or each other at all. they may have money but they are utterly bankrupt in spirit. i think they traded something for nothing.

>>98603 Lmao get the fuarrrk out you self righteous piece of soykaf. You make people suffer and then ask an imaginary friend in the sky to forgive you to feel better?

>>98604 this but unironically

yarr bro, I use manjaro! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2QZtDXL0bI

>>98606 You owe your parents everything, as every child does. The sad thing here is that your parents didn't act as if they owe grandma everything. In this way, you take after your parents. Which obviously you would, being their kid.

>>98612 >You owe your parents everything, as every child does. lol yeah right, a child is born in debt to two random people just because they had sex? big deal, you know how to stick it in, like every other adult that ever lived, like any mindless dumb animal knows how to do. that doesn't entitle you to anything. it's a bodily function, not a miracle. does a turd owe you a debt of gratitude because you fired it into the toilet? come on now.

>>98607 i'm an atheist actually. and i've never made anyone suffer- I used to be a nurse's assistant at a hospice. i've taken care of lots of people. I was also a behavioral technician and have helped young autistic people develop social and life skills. I was pretty well liked at both those jobs and I feel good about the work I did. I was really just preaching against babying your child by providing everything for them without them having to work for it. You know, like those parents that spoil the soykaf out of their autistic kids (a la chris-chan)

>>98619 >and i've never made anyone suffer- I used to be a nurse's assistant at a hospice. i've taken care of lots of people. you can tell someone is genuinely a good person when they feel compelled to shove their CV of altruistic accomplishments in random people's faces in completely irrelevant contexts, only really humble decent people like to do that, never narcissists. it's just like that famous martin luther king speech where he listed off all the great things he did for black americans and talked about how everybody loves him and thinks he's great. >I was also a behavioral technician and have helped young autistic people develop social and life skills aka i was a hired ghoul who worked at an applied behavioral analysis conversion therapy clinic where abusive parents paid me money to torture their neurodivergent children until they acted right. i think the keyword there you just used is "technician." not a doctor, not a therapist, not a social worker, but a technician, like somebody debugging some kind of faulty appliance. everything about you is gross. if you're so self-satisfied with who you are and the work you've done then why are you spending your off hours humblebragging and proselytizing your discredited pseudoscience views to random strangers on the internet? why don't you go do something else with your free time, haven't you done enough damage as it is?

>>98618 >In debt because two people had sex you literally would not exist without that action so yes, you do owe them everything. Every thing you have came about because your parents caused it to happen or allowed it to happen. They had the option to not, many people would argue its easier to not have children.

>>98624 causality is not enough to incur a debt. if my parents met and had sex because they got stuck in a broken elevator together one day, that doesn't mean they (and their children by extension) owe otis elevators a debt of gratitude for bringing these people together by virtue of building crappy elevators.

>>98624 You absolute mongrel of a dipshit. They did not have the option "not to". They gave in to their natural desires that are incessant at younger ages. They pleasured themselves. They chose to copulate as one chooses to breath air, eat food & defecate. You're a total moron. If you were to be shot fatally you'd be lying on the floor sucking your assaulter's cock, crying out in-between gasps of iron tinged air and semen, 'Oh thank you! If it were not for you I would not have been shot! Oh thank you! You're the reason I am here! You have put me in my place! I am groveling on the ground--no! I am suppliant resting on the ground, because of your wisdom and love! Thank you so much! What more can I do for you?!" _Hit me harder, daddy!_ The cult of christianity has an abusive relationship with its victims. The abused, denying their abuse, see familiarity amongst the cult. They seek shelter in the behaviours that are familiar. The behaviours that they were forced to endure as a child, under the sinking ship, hull full of lead, holes and rats, of a rationale that can be summed up succinctly by the phrase, "because I care about you". Daddy hit you, because he cares about you. Daddy neglected you and kicked you out of home as soon as he could, because he loves and cares about you. Daddy was all knowing. Look, you're fine now. Sop complaining. You were further "abused" by strangers, but managed to make it through. Daddy knew that would happen. It was all part of daddy's master plan. He let others teach you about life, because he was too shy, disinterested and absent. Daddy loves you. He's also getting older, frailer and needs more support. Come back to the loving family and help daddy. It is your duty, as a cult member of christianity, to look after your family. Now, the next step is to let Jesus into your heart, as daddy did. Like daddy, he will be completely absent from your adult life and from this absence you will stumble and injure yourself from things that--in hindsight--could easily have been avoided by some guidance, but cult jesus--like daddy--loves you very much and knows the best teacher is absence. Sometimes violence too!, but mostly absence. If you could spare a few coins for daddy--I mean, cult jesus, he will continue to love you in absentia. Here, we'll even give you a bible for free. It lists all the ways you're a vile, pathetic creature that can only be loved by daddy and no one else. All the things that daddy does to you are because he loves you and if they seem contradictory, well that's because daddy loves you too. Cult jesus loves you and has a plan for you, just as daddy does. Daddy and cult jesus are pretty much the same. What daddy does cult jesus would have done. Always listen to daddy. It is my observation that amongst the population of Western nations those that are attracted to cults are the most abused and messed up people. They are traumatised people who's natural development has been stunted in some way. The cult will take them in seeking financial and political exploitation, whilst the abused will have a familiar home in return, from which they can stew in their contradictions, hatred, jealousy and all those classic things that make up a Western, conservative bible basher. Contraceptive devices like condoms and _the pill_ are manufactured in abundance in developed nations. Daddy & mummy could have pleasured themselves responsibly. However, those are anti cult of christianity! Daddy & mummy abused their child and to suggest that it's their fault is to question daddy's authority, which comes from the cult of god himself. God is never wrong. Daddy is never wrong. Come here boy, my dick needs a sucking. As daddy Jesus would have wanted it. Quick commentary on the family structure: families are fake. They're a cultural construct created and enforced by cults, to legitamise and perpetuate abuse. Your parents were both horny (or one was) and pleasured themselves (or themself). It's as normal and good as a bird flying overhead and soykafting on you. You were never thought of during the act, or maybe you were and your father and/or mother is/are pedophiles who wanted children to rape. That would be pretty hot. The communists wrote about the family structure and I've been interested to read what it is they wrote, but I'm too busy attending church and wageslaving. I'll read it one day. Until then I'll be sending you thoughts and prayers. I hope you find the cult of god and change your sinful ways.

>>98623 bro- you're not really aware of what a behavioral technician is. basically it consists of positively re-enforcing learning behavior. It's good stuff man. I am diagnosed with aspergers and I had a really hard time in school- in my special ed help classes I had a behavioral technician wrangling my ass even though I and my classmakes would do soykaf like bite the teacher and whip our food at each other. I haven't done any damage- I only felt the need to tell you these things because you purposely attacked me. Now it's clear to me you're a puckered petulant asshole and the only reason you're mad is because you're a pampered little soykaf who can't even see the value in things like "respecting the elderly" and "fostering independence". I hope you step in dog soykaf. fuarrrk you you little glitterboy

>>98632 TLDR: I have daddy issues and i'm a sissy boy whos parents never loved them >>98632 >That would be pretty hot. oh. and a pedophile. here you dropped this.

>>98632 Real, honest, absolute room temp iq lmao

>>98633 >I had a behavioral technician wrangling my ass even though I and my classmakes would do soykaf like bite the teacher i have autism and i never did anything like that, and i knew kids in school were neurotypical and would do things like that, or worse. so i don't know if there is necessarily a connection between your neurodivergence and your violent behavior. and it seems to me like you still have cruel anti-social tendencies to this day, like you're still a biter on some level. when i started this thread i poured my heart out sharing my very deep earnest feelings about a recent death of a loved one and my estrangement from my abusive family and your immediate reaction was to respond with pure venom, total dismissal and invalidation of my feelings, saying my family did the right thing, talking down to me with condescending platitudes. i might actually prefer being bitten over having to endure that. maybe you're just an asshole. i've never been a big believer in behaviorism or the idea that human behavior is determined entirely by outside influence, nor the idea that people with anti-social violent tendencies are necessarily "curable" or "treatable" i.e. they have these tendencies because of some illness or divergence that can or should be corrected. i think sometimes people are just plain assholes.

>>98632 a whole lot of text that says basically nothing, go back to reddit

>>98597 >am i insane, or are they insane? all traits are highly inheritable. It sounds like you both like to shirk your responsibilities and stir up drama over things that don’t matter as much as you think they do. Somehow they grew up in a better and richer time that let them paper over their flaws with money and better relationships with people that were not insane. I’m sorry

To the guy who stormed into this thread, let me say the whole idea of kicking out children to fend for themselves is purely American. Look at the Asian countries, where parents truly sacrifice all they can to give their children a better future, and often insist on letting them stay at home after they become adults, supporting their development until they have the means to stake out their independence with good grounding. Whereas Americans toss out their young as soon as possible, letting them flounder and scrape by because "it will be better for them". But if you just look at how Asians perform especially when living in America, they are much more successful. So, what does that say?

>>98650 it really is the biggest scam when you think about it. Like the child and elder care cost + extra rent and transportation cost americans basically shame each other into poverty for no reason

>>98650 My Italian friend's dad almost got disowned because he wanted to move out of his parents' place.

>>98632 Hipocrit! Here comes the tithes bag. Don't be shy. Pay your lord's tax--er, wrong century. Donation? Look, the priests don't work, but we need to buy food and private jets too. The fees that lawyers charge is insane (they will go to hell for their prices!), but the cult keeps getting into trouble with the god-less state. Countless claims of child "abuse" and pedophilia! Donate so we can make cult and state one again! It's our god's will to fuarrrk little boys. It's what, white, daddy jesus would want! I'm dead serious: there's nothing special about family. Two randoms (and it has to be distant randoms, otherwise it's 'inbreeding') are horny (not a strict requirement! It works if only one is too!) and pleasure themselves. That's all it is. To try and give human meaning to it is sophistry and too often other constructs are needed to give it legitimacy. The cults being the major ones in the West. Of the asians I'd reccomend reading Mao Zedong's thoughts on family. This farcical search of meaning in meaningless things isn't the exclusive domain of the West. You owe no allegiance to family. The americans already abolished that which was sacrosanct. Allegiance to the king's state? Broken. It's no wonder American's don't have allegiance to their family either, except where they're tangled up in the abuse of cults. The cults have been busy building their class. The old forms coalesce against no friction. Come on anon, pay your tithes to your exceptional cult that has an unusual number of pedophiles amongst its ranks. I am patient. I don't need to work. I'll be waiting with my tithe bag wide open. Op, acknowledge the meaninglessness of family. Surround yourself with people who share your ideals. Don't engage with abusive individuals, even if they're "family". It does seem like you wanted free stuff. A windfall of your grandparent's property. The elderly in the West have abandoned their children too. By age they should be guiding hands. Instead they're hedonistic idiots. All that the West claimed the communists were doing was projection. America is a wasteland. *jingle jingle* Come on annon. Uniting the cult with the state requires tithes! Pay your taxes!

>>98650 It is pretty American but most Americans live with their parents into their 20s. It is not really a majority thing to kick them out.