Vent 3

Old thread hit bampu limit Continuing from >>98159

This website has become my primary refuge online. I appreciate the anonymity because we can focus on conversation. Lately I've been disturbed how youtube increasingly shows me thinly disguised pornography. The innuendo is obvious. This despite frequently erasing my browsing history and almost exclusively viewing personalities discussing geopolitics. I think its part of a deliberate attempt to suppress our collective imagination. I'm not even against porno in principle, but rather I find it apalling people are broadcasting humiliating images of themselves for the entire world to see this current day & time. Like, it brings to question how they'll even explain their actions years from now. It's embarrassing. I feel similarly about the FIFA World Cup. I love playing football and enjoy seeing the game played at the highest skill level. But given the current geopolitical context, I can hardly fathom massive crowds of people genuinely behaving like they do at sporting events this current time. By all means I wish to avoid being an anti-fun type of person, however I can't imagine watching a game and fully enjoying the experience without still being bothered far in the back of my mind that now is not an appropriate time for celebration. The fun is being spoiled. I take comfort in knowing acts of kindness and generosity are reinforced with a rebellious spirit when they happen despite world issues. Also, that good news is practically by definition calm, passive, quiet and relaxed in contrast to bad news which is convulsive, loud, and unsettling. A moment of genuine peace and happiness is like an act of defiance against the whole "misery system". I'm a user who grew up alongside the nascent world-wide-web. It was like an infinite playground with endless possibilities. Today I'm annoyed by privacy violations, tracking, and obviously the AI, which I'm given to understand are basically being implemented in an attempt to enslave the human race. So now I feel paranoid all my activity is being logged to profile me for insidious reasons. By now I'm pretty much over the novelty the internet once had, but again I want to reiterate that I do still enjoy lainchan. My philosophy is its preferable to be aware, albeit gloomy instead of blissful ignorance because I want to be a pragmatically minded problem-solver and avoid self-deception. I think taking a metaphorical punch to the face is easier to recover from when you see it approaching instead of by surprise. So then I've been keeping track of current events believing that it may help me be mentally prepared and oriented towards survival. I'm just angry the issues haunting the world today are basically the result of outright irresponsibility / incompetence. I'm fully determined to accomplish my dreams no matter what. I have always been fascinated by and sincerely want to participate in the world. A lifetime of studying history, art, and philosophy have shown me all nations contribute their part of the overall greatness of humanity. I know that every human being matters, that each of us matters, and we can overrule to "misery system" because the human imagination is invincible.

>>98161 It's not irresponsibility / incompetence, everything is going as planned. Create the problem to force the "solution". By messing everything up they fabricate a justification to do anything they want in the name of "resolving" issues. Dreams are very important and necessary to empower yourself, but its important to realize exactly what yours is, and its limitations.

>>98165 Hi, much appreciated for the response. Your comment suggests how evident this "plan" is actually a post hoc rationalization for epic mishandling.

>>98155 If you really think that in the entire post my main issue was that I am a virgin, you don't have the reading comprehension skills for this website. Go cut your teeth somewhere else.

>>98161 To make it brief, I think we're going to have a new religious movement to deal with AI, probably an offshoot of Mormonism as that has been steadily gaining dominance. Basically a prohibition of idolatry for the 21st century. The animated just-in-time-generated golden calf.

why is there so much philosophizing and political bickering in /Δ/ wtf i came here to learn how to do things and do things and help others do the same i don't care about your pointless garbage meta discussion god damn

Today, I am feeling a deep sense of isolation and alienation. I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I belong nowhere. As I was young, they said, "Well, you're so young," and as I approach my mid-20's, the pattern has not changed despite my repeated attempts to try and integrate with people socially. Yet, my uncanny behavior is largely the product of isolation I experienced involuntarily as a child. Someone said to me, "You don't react to people the way people normally," driving the nail in my chest that I am not like everyone else and that I have no place anywhere. It feels so ever so evident that my presence sours the air. Yet, I avoid negativity at every turn. And so, I wonder if it's in my head, but some times, their comments feel indirectly targeted at me. But the unpleasant gut feelings churn and churn, and I know something is amiss. It is all made worse by the fact I am surrounded by the social life I could have. Some part of me wants to drop out of university and become a complete NEET. But I know that'd be only living hell, being harassed by my parents, knowing that I'd eventually end up dead or homeless when they passed away. However, up until this point, I have largely been successful, academically, and I am almost done. Maybe when I am working, it won't be such a nuisance because all of my interactions will stay professional and superficial. I so badly want to avoid every single human I can. I'd love to live in a van like Terry Davis, or even go off in the woods like Christopher Knight. If my world were without humans, then that'd be such a joyful world. I'd love to find the courage to enter the portal to Gensokyo. The hardware store is so close yet so distant, as well. I know I'd tell myself, "Today is the day I'll get the preparations to go to Gensokyo." Yet, I never find myself going towards that. But, the idea is there, pounding. But I don't think I'll ever do anything about it, unless some drastic event occurs to push me towards my breaking point.

>>98207 Maybe that is because it is a full moon today. I can relate to this i relocated to the place i am native in but i feel as little a connection to here as i do the place i grew up in. Even tho i atleast feel safe here it doesnt really feel like home neither and i still long for a real place of my own. Especially the part about living off far away from people somewhere out in the wilderness, i think one day i get a chance to get a place of my own far away from human presence, the thought gives me comfort but i still feel distressed and stranded. I dream every day of being far away from people just left to my own devices, but sadly for now i still rely on human civilization, hopefully soon that will come to fruition. Right now i feel like im just rotting away, i keep myself occupied with busywork but it feels a pointless drag and my motivation slips away every day.

>>98207 My nword If you are feeling isolated, but >want to avoid every single human you can that means you want human connection but it's painful or difficult for you. My advice is just stop caring about whether you come off as something this or that or the more difficult option which is to get out there and get good at talking to people. Second thing is you will not die if you drop out. It just means you will have no solid career prospects until you go back to studying, and anywhere between 2 months to a year of free time before you have to go get a job depending on how much money you have and need every month to live. If you have money you can do pretty much whatever you want indefinitely. If you want to talk send your simplex or email or whatever

>>98207 This resonates with me in $CURRENT_YEAR last time I hung out wit someone was feb 2020. My only achievement is getting a useless comptia cert I can't even use to get a job and not following through deth not meth though the paranoia would make one think meth was consumed

>Try to meet people on local groups >join local groups to meet people >organizers have a onlyfans >organizers are publicly listed as freemasons >organizers are soy drinking yoga "love n light" women Well everything is just so fake and gay in 2026 idk what to even pursue anymore. General computing interests me but with all "age verification" laws and talk it really is just making me depressed and burned out. Covid burned me out and now the Iran WW3 "america is not totally not controlled by our greatest ally" is burning me out.

>>98295 You talking that meetup.org bs site lol that soykaf is weird yo lol not the people but the groups

>>98257 When I mean I feel isolated, I meant less-so in a physical sense but more in a figurative sense. While I may be surrounded by people, physically, I can not connect to them. It may be as if I were alone. >My advice is just stop caring about whether you come off as something this or that or the more difficult option which is to get out there and get good at talking to people. That's what I've been doing for the past 5-6 years, though. While I have stopped caring how I come off as, it's evident that the way I act naturally puts people off or drives people away. Hmm, yes, I am aware of the outcome if I drop out. I don't see the long-term prospects of having no higher education being sustainable. I could only see NEEThood driving me insane. But the pipe dream is there.

I won’t be attending your wedding; I won’t be attending your graduation party; I won’t be attending the funeral of your relative’s relative; I won’t be attending your barbecue; I won’t be attending whatever humiliation ritual you have in store for me. Why would someone not want you at an event but then take offense if you don’t go? Is it narcissisim? I'm trying so hard to not stray from the failed-normal person way of life (job and family reasons), but they seem to hate your for even daring to not follow their tribal rites.

Honestly im so happy about hearing about flock being approved in my city in $CURRENT_YEAR maybe since my 4 inch penis is so smol they won't be able to track my bodies bio electrical field signature via the sensors in their WBWAN smart city 2030 fake and gay dystopia netscape staring sandra bullock https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_area_network It's pretty cringe not having friends but atleast I dont have to worry feds sizing me up at local gatherings in $CURRENT_YEAR and foids cauzing me to loose interest when they open their mouths

These past few days I only feel safe to fall asleep after 6 am, when I can see the sun's rays through the blinds. Artificial light won't cut it, in fact it is very hard for me to fall asleep in a room that isn't pitch black even though I'm scared of darkness and what lurks in it. I am not afraid of getting robbed, killed or stabbed, in fact one time I saw a random guy standing on the balcony and I was completely calm about it, I just asked him what's up and turns out he was painting the flat's wall. Rather I'm afraid that I could turn around and a supernatural being or a hallucination, though I never hallucinated before, could be staring right back at me. It's not about what it'll do afterwards, it's the jumpscare. I told myself that this fear is irrational because I don't enjoy having those superstitions or religious beliefs and why would this being only appear at night rather than literally any time of the day? Why am I only afraid when I am completely by myself and only when I'm indoors and never out in nature, what prevents this hallucination from manifesting around others? And why would I hallucinate in the first place? I suppose I'd be the prime candidate for becoming a schizo, I'm in my 20s and depressed, and I had a lot of (actual) schizo friends as a teen so I know depression is quite similar to prodromal psychosis. I can recognize where most of my irrational beliefs came from, (for instance when I was younger I believed in mind reading and when I improved my metacognition I realized this belief came from a stupid show I watched as a kid about mind readers existed among us and I internalized that belief and it instantly resolved when I realized its origins, another example is that I would have a lot of beliefs that there exists some form of reality that I can't yet perceived and forces beyond my comprehension control me which can be attributed to the lasting impact the Matrix, Inception, certain anime and physics left on me, I'm worried that if I become a schizo this belief will just become reality because I indeed can't trust my own senses anymore etc) and I know schizos don't have this level of insight, but my mind rationalizes this as me only having the insight because I'm prodromal and I will lose it when something in me snaps. Sometimes I do some tests where I yell "if God or whatever satanic entity exists is real, show yourself to me now" and nothing happens. From what I know no family member of mine has a history of psychosis, I'll just never do drugs or become an alcoholic as to not risk it. About the sleeping at odd hours part, this one could definitely make things worse but I can't help it.

I've spent a pretty considerable amount of time forcing myself to post under my government name. It keeps me respectful, honest, prevents me from sliding into debauched anti-human thinking. But the walls of le fascist empire are closing in and it seems increasingly that the only way I'll be able to express myself in a correct way will be pseudonymous. Like Lenin I guess.

>>98350 Did a sleep paralysis entity spook you? Those aren't powerful enough to manifest a physical form in this age, don't worry about that.

>>98295 >General computing interests me but with all "age verification" laws and talk it really is just making me depressed and burned out. Couldn't agree more. Worst of all, I work in IT. I have to keep up with news, but it is so tiresome nowadays. I'm tired of the thin veiled attempts at passing surveillance bills. We had it so easy when Snowden just leaked everything and put a delay on the CIA's plan to create a surveillance network. Now it is catching up. All that said, what keeps me in is the group of people that are trying to fight back against the movements. the anti-flock crowd, meshtastic networks, Right to repair, a few anarchists here and there, etc. At least we'll have been kicking before giving in.

So I've been frequenting this hobby group and I figured I was doing okay. Anyway, today I shook the leader's hand and then he flat out told another person (right in front of me btw) that I'm rude, that he doesn't like me, and there's something wrong with me because I don't look him in the eye when shaking his hands. Like what the fuarrrk am I supposed to say to that? I've been here 3 months, haven't been rude to anyone, quietly kept to myself but somehow still have made myself a target. Sigh... another place I'm gonna have to quit and move on because I have no fuarrrking idea what I did wrong and other people just don't like me for some reason.

>>98420 >Sigh... another place I'm gonna have to quit and move on because I have no fuarrrking idea what I did wrong and other people just don't like me for some reason. Have you ever tried learning some basic etiquette? Being polite and nice to people helps, you know.

>>98420 Dude, there's gonna be pricks like that anywhere you go in life- don't let it get to you. if you're really a good dude and keep it together, mind your own business,then most people will come around. Don't let one guy's opinion turn you off to the whole group. If he keeps pressing it just be like "what's your problem with me man? what have I ever done to harm you?" preferably in front of others.

GET YOUR STINKY HANDS OFF FROM MY PS2

>>98514 please make this a banner

I cannot deny it anymore, I'm finally balding. Norwood 2, for now. Years ago I told myself that when this happens to me (like it did to my dad and granddad and most men) I will not be a slave to my hair and I'll live through it gracefully. Now that I'm actually in the situation, I can't. I'm scared. I have a visible gap in my teeth that I was insecure about throughout my childhood and teens, but came to terms with over time. I refuse to consider getting braces for it because I wouldn't recognize me without it. I've had thick hair almost all my life and I don't know how I will deal with watching myself transform. I'm starting minoxidil to try to slow it down, but it's inevitable. It's embarrassing to do so. I expect myself to be strong enough to ignore it. I'm not ready to talk about this with anyone. My woman of 12 years hasn't noticed (we dont live together). I'm very scared of her reaction because I hold her to a very high standard of empathy and I will lose respect for her if I dont feel like she accepts the situation. Years ago we talked about balding as a concept, and my memory of the conclusion is she seemed to think it's only a problem because men are too lazy to treat it. As an observer I didn't care much, but as I'm now dealing with it, I will be hurt by an attitude like that. Many older men I knew, even some I considered role models, were sensitive about their balding. Many women and younger men don't seem to have a problem with bullying someone over it, or over getting treatment for it. I'm scared. I got no relief from writing this and I expect none. Probably this seems trivial to you.

>>98534 i don't think you need to be like those guys who shave immediately. norwood II is not that bad. i think when you start having bald spots on your head is when people start actually noticing. i've seen plenty of people who were balding on the forehead and they just had long hair or some kind of side bangs and they looked completely fine if not good. i wouldn't be that worried if i were in you as long as you're not IV or more. >Many women and younger men don't seem to have a problem with bullying someone over it i have never seen this happen in real life. i have a friend in his early 20s who is balding and i think he actually looks better now with short hair and a beard (not saying you would too, it depends).

>>98534 >Probably this seems trivial to you. Yes. I started balding at 18 (neither my parents or grandparents on either side went bald ever) and thought it was the end of the world until I shaved my head and literally no one cared. Also you can find people who laugh at you for not wearing the latest fashion or not owning an iphone. Do you also take the ridicule of children seriously? No you don't. These people are not very smart. Considering that you even consider this to be an issue at the age where you are tells me that you just need to get over it . Also if you've been 12 years together she wont care

>>98534 This >>98537. People can find any number of reasons to laugh at you even for the most nonsensical stuff imaginable. I've been laughed at recently on two separate occasions for wearing wool socks with sandals during Fall and for buying a certain meme-able brand of cleaning agent. I didn't care and just thought it was weird and baffling that they'd thought these things amusing. I get that not everyone is as indifferent about being laughed at, but it's just the way the world works. You can't please everyone, and there are people out there who will mock and judge you no matter what you do. I'll admit that balding is a bit different from fashion and life choices, since you can't really do much about it. I also recognize a part of myself in what you said about putting a brave face on when you consider the abstract possibility of balding and vowing to accept it gracefully. A couple months ago as I was grooming my hair I felt a bald spot at the crown of my head, and I got scared I might start balding. I worried about it for about three weeks, but then I thought to myself I'd just enjoy my hair while I've got it, trying out different hair styles for the hell of it. If it goes really bad, I might try out those japanese Magi and Middle Age monk hair styles before shaving it all off. This probably won't soothe your anxiety, but reframing the problem as "enjoy it while it lasts" helped me to cope with it.

Man I wish I could get laid at least. My own curiosity about it is like an itch that is constantly annoying me. For some people having sex is probably the most normal thing in the world and it "isn't that big of a deal". But for me it's like trying to land on an alien planet. Intimacy is excruciating, like being put in a cage with a lion. I'm young now, but every day is a day closer to being put in the ground. Will I ever be able to save myself from my schizoid ways?

>>98547 Just save some money and pay a prostitute.

>>98547 do not buy a prostitute. You would be degrading something that is the most intimate act that to human beings can do. Find a woman to love and the rest will follow its natural path. Everything else is pathological masturbation with no redeeming quality and there is a high chance that you will become cynical, disappointed cattle that thinks no more of sex than one would about a handshake (see the tinder people chasing their next high)

>>98534 balding is not even bad compaired to having a micropenis or below average penis lol either shave it or wear a hat like everyone sports bar frequenter lol but you said u have a women so i wouldnt worry about it >>98547 relatable to be honest dont rush but also dont wait i havent had sex since before covid but my reason is due to being a dickcel and a loser lol idk how to get XP to build my skills when most wouldn't want to deal wit it and my brain has been deeply fuarrrked by this so i have never dated despite being late 20s

>>98553 I'm tempted to ask, but perhaps I really shouldn't know what a "dickcel" is

>>98554 Basically someone who is "incel like" because of their below average penis

>>98548 The only ones I would consider are far away and I don't want to fly halfway across the country just to see a prostitute. I have the money but to be honest I could better use that money to get a new graphics card or put a down payment on a car. As much as I want to put my penis in someone there's other stuff I want that I've also been saving for. >>98550 I can express intimacy within my own head in a fantasy, but that's because these are mental constructs that are created by my own desires. It's not a reflection of reality or of how I or another person would respond to each other. Based on my behavior I may lack the necessary qualities to handle the responsibility and intimacy of a relationship. I wouldn't mind just having a sexually gratifying experience even though I do fantasize about being in a relationship. >>98553 >relatable to be honest dont rush but also dont wait i havent had sex since before covid but my reason is due to being a dickcel and a loser lol idk how to get XP to build my skills when most wouldn't want to deal wit it and my brain has been deeply fuarrrked by this so i have never dated despite being late 20s Even guys with small penises and who are losers get laid! My problem is something I could solve if I could change my own psychology. Unfortunately that's easier said than done. I've been getting more comfortable with being alone. I used to have shame about it, but now it's like I don't even care if anyone around me thinks I'm an incel who jerks off to anime girls all day. The worst part is that my acceptance is so beneficial to me in many ways, yet it is probably the one thing that harms the possibility of making changes the most.

I trying to find myself again in life. And I am a hikikomori that lives with grandma. I live in the city and have been a incel. I don't have friends, job or education. It is so good to know english and to stay away from the internet culture and people from my country becuase people here are basically monkeys. I wish to improve my english by using lainchan and it is being a good journey after all.

>>98596 >I don't have friends, job or education. What's stopping you from trying out the one you hate the least? If it's too difficult for you to start anywhere try things such as softlaunching a new habit in your life. For example, if you wanna start working out or being more physically healthy, you might want to start just having morning or night walks to get your brain in that "Oh, I'm doing more physical activity than I was before, I bet it would be easier to start working out now than it would've been back then" mindset I suppose.

>>98553 be a straight femboy; don't have to go all amazon kneesocks or maid dress just get a nice pastel hoodie and learn to act a bit more femme (source: my gf loves my cute cucumber)

>>98631 wtf is "straight femboy" >(source: my gf loves my cute cucumber) yeah a cucumber is bigger then a baby carot tho so what are you geting at lmao I think i need to get help but I have no money and idk how to get over it since once u are known to have a baby carot u are marked by females like a social credit score of -1067 fuarrrk im pathetic and scares with my heart too (source: not a believer in soyance so unjabbed thankfully)

I have a NEET roommate. He spends all of his time at home, almost never leaves. He has poor diet. Poor hygiene. Doesn't dress well or even cut his hair. He has opportunities but never takes them. He just doesn't give a damn and sits in his room watching vtubers and streamers and gambling. I even found him a job in Japan that he could have easily got with his qualifications but he showed no interest. All he does is fantasize about getting rich through dumb ass schemes and gambling. Today I finally snapped. I called him a freeloading troglodyte so lazy that he won't even make the most of his NEET time by doing stuff he actually enjoys. At least hang out with friends, go to the movies or get a hobby for fuarrrks sake and eat a proper diet instead of cheese bread every fricken day. The guy raged out at me. Like flew of the handle screaming at me. Looking back at it, that wasn't the best way to encourage him to change his ways but I tried the nice route many times and he's already admitted to me he's embarrassed with himself. I'm just tired of his soykaf.

Can't fuarrrking enjoy my days off work because at home I have to put up with the neighbors fuarrrking dogs whining or barking for no fuarrrking reason, and thier subhuman owners do nothing to shut them up, i can her them even with the windows up.

>>98643 Stop talking to yourself.

>>98598 Everytime I stard something new I feel so much emotions in my head that I start becoming do feel anxious. Even if I try something new my mind is with wishes and new thing to do everytime, like I overlap lots of new habits that I start and then I just forget what I was doing. I thing I have ADHD.

>>98643 I recon this fella may or may not have some "organic diseases" that affect his mental health. Also, poor sloppy dies ruins health (sources: varios research and metaresearch; also, trust me bro, been there myself)

>>98160 Ran out of straight cash and can't take any out of an ATM, so I stopped going to the local market. Somehow this small change has turned me into eating literal garbage, like something between the diet of a truck driver and a 10 year old. Will stop tomorrow

I've passed the dry riverditch and found myself in the maw of a great monster. I've been listening to Skids on repeat for the past 4 hours and writing the whole time. I miss having somebody to talk to for hours and hours in times like this. That fragmented episode of my life where I was suffering, but not alone. I was far and away too blind to appreciate it, and I threw it all away in some way or another. Horrifying. Everybody has a story, every life is a tragedy. I don't know if I should feel lucky that this one's mine.

Everything just keeps getting worse and I feel myself turning to dust. I tried so hard to make things better but every time I was too late and outright sabotaged by this rotten place. I hate how everyone else acts like this world is normal and that it's my fault for not being able to keep up with its evil and nonsense. Everyone makes every justification for the world but when I struggle I'm just told to try harder despite already straining myself to injury.

Why do people always push people that have small pean to go towards trans or somehow become gay? They also tell you to be a c*ckhold or do anal wit chicks. Sorry I'm not sexually confused nor want to watch people bang my significant other if I had one. Nothing against those folks but why? How do you even find a FWB or casual if got smol one without going to bar for social performance and drinking social anxiety meds and watch lame sports. The other is be on fake apps with bots, catfish, biological android type women swipe left/right and daddy P. Theil selling my data so feds can better train plant relationship to set me up with.

>>98732 >Why do people always push people that have small pean to go towards trans or somehow become gay? They also tell you to be a c*ckhold or do anal wit chicks. Who does this besides some 4chan boards? >Nothing against those folks but why? Because they have a fetish and/or they're homosexuals. Or they found that to be a way to have sex (mostly with people who fetishize transexuals and feminine men) >How do you even find a FWB or casual if got smol one without going to bar for social performance and drinking social anxiety meds and watch lame sports. >The other is be on fake apps with bots, catfish, biological android type women swipe left/right and daddy P. Theil selling my data so feds can better train plant relationship to set me up with. You either accept to exchange your dignity and privacy for sex or you don't. It seems like everyone forgot what kind of person that describes. Would you even fit in and like to be around that kind of people, or would they immediately sniff you out?

>>98744 >Would you even fit in and like to be around that kind of people, or would they immediately sniff you out? NTA, just want to say this is a very true statement. You don't realize until you've got what you asked for how much it is like kicking dead whales down the beach. Like waking up from a hazy mind. I tried hard to become a better, more sociable person, it drove me nuts. Then one day I'm sitting in a bar, drunk and chatting with some random guys, they're laughing at my jokes sure, but it appears in my mind how weird and unlike myself this situation is. That I don't care at all, and even though I'm jazzing a conversation like a pro for the first time, that it all comes to nothing. Doesn't feel right in the moment... I wished that I could've purged all that alcohol, but it was all down and slowly decaying in my system...

>>98747 Yes, I told lain because I think some of us can relate. >but it appears in my mind how weird and unlike myself this situation is. That I don't care at all, and even though I'm jazzing a conversation like a pro for the first time, that it all comes to nothing. Doesn't feel right in the moment... >I wished that I could've purged all that alcohol, but it was all down and slowly decaying in my system... Beautifully put. Happened to me too. I picked up smoking because of it, but thankfully I'm done with it. There was a moment when i just thought how pathetic I looked. Giving away myself to fit in and please people addicted to social media, dating apps and prescribed meds, like a well mannered bitch.

>>98744 >>98750 >It seems like everyone forgot what kind of person that describes. A normal person or npc aka fake >Would you even fit in and like to be around that kind of people, or would they immediately sniff you out? Sniff out what that u are not fake like them or dont fit in idgi nor follow You are giving OP bad advice its better to meet people organically and you dont need to go to bar/club to do that or be on apps. Find a hobby or interest meet people that way or try to start striking up convos wit people in public places or where a shirt with an interest to see if like minded people comment on it and go from there. Consistency is actually key to attraction (the more people see you aka vulnerability). I started walking so people saw me and they started convos with me but sadly they were married so fml but they are cool and actually not fake

As my testosterone levels get higher I just feel myself not giving a soykaf about anything. It's kind of cool but sometimes I miss being a sensitive young man.

>>98762 testosterone does not get higher with age it actually lowers a bit. it's not like it accumulates or something. and i'm pretty sure it does not correlate with maturity or not giving a fuarrrk.

I need to see their blood I need to see it so badly I want them all dead fuarrrk I want them dead so badly

>>98765 SAME I really like blood play and urethral sounding and urethra play

>>98161 >I'm not even against porno in principle You should. We greatly underestimate how vile and destructive it is. A real issue is how people can't even make the difference between pornography on one hand, and the appraisal of the body's beauty on the other, which is erotic, and that's mostly because young people have only been exposed to pornography and nothing else very early on. So you're likely going to oscillate between full degeneracy on one side with vulgarity pornography open homosexuality and dysgenic body horror, and complete censorship on the other due to hard puritanism from Protestants or Muslims who would have you cover naked statues and hide women under potato bags.

>>98764 High levels of testosterone often pushes you to make bold things, which often correlates to including a fair dose of stupidity too.

>>98346 I guess it does relate to the nanodevices injected in bodies that are said to be able to communicate with stuff we wear, which then communicates with 5G (short range) cell towers. >BAN PAN LAN CAN MAN RAN WAN Is that soykaf supposed to be sung or something? Can we sing it? >BAN PAN LAN CAN MAN RAN WAN >BAN PAN LAN CAN MAN RAN WAN >BAN PAN LAN CAN MAN RAN WAN >BAN PAN LAN CAN MAN RAN WAN

>>98794 I like how the second cookie looks like a drawing of an owl

>>98794 >>98840 the images are an allegory of growing old, jaded and morally tainted in a cyberpunk dystopia surrounded by flashy, but cold neon lights that have no substance to fill our craving for meaning, coherence and belonging in our lives. to grow up in a world which doesn't honor the principle of equivalent exchange to satisfactorily compensate for our loss of innocence with anything even remotely close to the value of innocence, which is not only tragic to witness but is also indicative of the very essence of the cruel loss of innocence that is akin to an unfair deal, ending up being swindled, and even, perhaps, being a victim of rape. contradistinctionally, it also dramatically illustrates the point that although we can fill ourselves and in that sense "grow" (whether it be in terms of self-esteem or growing physically as a result of us gorging on junk food), we can nevertheless still be left empty on the inside, akin to the phenomenon of rabbit starvation of ages past, where something vital is left out of the equation behind the consumption process and thus fails to makes it work how it's supposed to work. ...y'know? (< _>' )

>>98845 Good conceptualization, thanks! Here, have some SaltyPokerFace comic which the second cookie reminds me of XD

There's something especially horrible about the emotions you feel in the years following being groomed online. It felt so intense in the moment, to be understood for the first time in my life by authority figures that cared for and loved me unconditionally. It's so painful to realize in retrospect that none of it was real, and while half of me wants to go back so badly to experience it all again, the other half wishes that it never happened at all. My memories exist in superposition.

I hate myself for falling in love. I wish I could have kept my lifelong purity mission. I became what I hate - a normal user. I am still alienated from humanity, but I have now become alienated from myself. I still have never had sex, and the thought of it makes me ill to the core. But a part of me still yearns for it. I feel like a degenerate. Even if I abided by christ user rules and had sex, married, in the missionary for the sole purpose of procreation under the covers and in the dark, I'd still feel like a degenerate. But I also still feel so lost and unwanted. What could I have done to be any worth to anyone. It's like there's constantly an invisible wall between myself and every other person on the planet. What did I ever do to be so undeserving of something as basic as human affection. It's not fair, and I'm so sad. I feel even my own brief experience was a brush with luck and not even a reflection that I was fundamentally desirable in any basic sense. There was only one drop in the faucet, and it's all gone. I am no longer a part of my own world, but I am not a part of their world, either. I exist between two states of hell. Although I can no longer call others normal users, I exist in a state of constant cognitive dissonance where I start to want to call others normal users, as if it were a deeply ingrained habit that existed for over a decade, and yet, I have to stop myself. But I also fear and desire the future in which I fall in love. I'm left feeling, wondering how I would ever find anyone else. But also, I'm thinking of ways to minimize contact with the opposite sex to prevent it from happening ever again. The force was more powerful than any force I've ever felt before, and it scared me. I feel like some fundamental part of me has been corrupted and destroyed. Like I have lot every bit of value I ever had, and I were lower than scrap. Being a KHHV, it was easy to accept myself as a fundamental subhuman. Now, I am just a failed normal user, and it is worse in every way possible. I am a disgrace to humanity and simply wish I could be obliterated off the planet - destroyed, removed, and gone. The piercing regret haunts me every waking moment of the day. I gaslit myself and thought, "You have to get out there and get off imageboards." Maybe I thought it was a "false dichotomy." But it was the result of my own experiences and nothing more - my lack of belonging in this world or any other world that exists. I am drowning in despair. I yearn for the day I experience relief from this existence.

>>99846 you can't see it, but i'm pointing and laughing

>>99846 Me when I was born after 2000 and im incapable of being an authentic person and my identity and everything I do is wrapped up in various larps that dont reflect my upbringing or my community or anyone around me and suddenly im surprised it doesnt hold up to the test of other people. yeah buddy of course your christian purity mission that you werent brought up in and shared with no one and that only existed and was acted on in isolation falls apart. i think its crazy your gen has these whole storylines you "live by" in this overly dramatized way that just in actuality for all intents and purpose dont exist and never happened, you guys will be like im a christpilled chaste monk when you actually just dont have anyone around you and live with your parents. I mean its a two way street, theres freaks like you and then theres people who like claim to be trans but dont actually transition or seek any medical help at all because to someone who grew up mostly interacting online the real life struggle of transitioning is reduced to just changing pronoun online. Or people with fake DID, they dont know they are faking it its just when you dont actually have to interact with anyone in real life besides your other perma online friends your little internal world becomes everything and you dont realize that if you had to interact with a normal person and face their scrutiny and questions your "shifting" would suddenly feel a lot more controllable and would be shown to yourseld to not be a real problem. So often these people just dont, they do what you do and isolate not for any reason that they say just like you dont for any of the reasons you say its purely so you can exist as someone you really arent and have it not called into question and thus fall apart. You arent and werent any different from the "normal users" other then you literally had less knowledge and life experience than them so you have no idea what parts of your personality are actually your personality and that youd actually fight for or have stake in while they do. They just already know if someone hits on them and gives them attention and is attractive they will probably want to be close to them at least because its happened, and so they wouldnt declare themselves to be dedicated to some life mission of chastity and if they did it would be not a larp and a serious undertaking. You just never had it happen so this dramatic life mission your positing was just some soykaf you made up in your head and you acted like it made you better than other people who actually know themselves while your a fuarrrking mess identity wise and are probably gonna fall into a series of horrific relationships because of this and then use that to justify retreating again. Like whoever your in love with I wouldnt be surprised if its entirely one sided and then if it doesnt work out or something because there isnt any reason it would your new larp will be hating women again with this soldier of christ soykaf back in the mix and what its actually gonna look like is you just alone in your room counting how many days you didnt jerk off and posting horrible soykaf on chans (just like jesus's apostles did!) If I lived in like saudi arabia and grew up in a normal for there wahabbist family it would be insane of me to be like my identity is a sexual revolutionary who stands for free love, where would I have even gotten that idea from (only online). It would be a larp, there wouldnt be anything actually material or around me or in my community that would lead this to being a part of my identity. I could definitely maybe be like someone who thinks women shouldnt have to wear a hijab or who believes women should have more rights, because maybe being a bit of a revolutionary is in my personality, but its not going to look like something happening across the world from the 60s. Likewise in the lack of identity the internet creates and then specifically with men your inability to connect with anyone around you has you decide to just completely ineffectually be a often revisionist caricature of a christian from the 1500. algorithmic internet done ate lil cuzzos ass up.

>>99846 Why do you have to be different from everyone else? Why do you have to be on this self-defined "chastity mission" (you are still a virgin, what is the problem)? How was anything you just went through "Unchristian"?, the only thing Unchristian is to not repent and continue striving for a deeper understanding. This all reads like an unaddressed desire for a sense of control, what exactly are you running from? You are not any different from anybody else. We are all human, some of us know the truth, some don't, point me to New Testament scripture that claims you are inherently better or different from anybody who hasn't stumbled upon the right influences.

>>99847 What are you laughing at, popeye? >>99848 >dont reflect my upbringing or my community or anyone around me and suddenly im surprised it doesnt hold up to the test of other people. That's a massive assumption. You have no idea my religion, where I was born, or where I grew up in, even. First, I will clarify that my desire for purity *did not* spawn from christglitterboyry. When I was talking about "christ user rules," it was a figure of speech referring to a hyperbolic example of when sex is considered ""proper."" (Not literal.) If anything, in my eyes christglitterboys are the worst kind of degenerates because they can go to god to forgive them. Look at all of those born again virgins. They're the biggest fuarrrking larpers on the planet. They get to play the "good christian boy/girl" front in public but then go act like degenerates at night. The biggest fuarrrking whores I've known in my life were christ users, and that's because they had *real* things they felt guilty for. Why do you think those Catholic priests are diddling all of those little boys? While I wanted to be chaste, I was never of the no-fap type. I always thought masturbation was a healthy part of self-regulation, provided you didn't do it too much and you didn't jack off to porn films that exploit young women to line the pockets of jewish porn directors. Religion is just a giant fuarrrking clique who you can exclude people from for dumb and arbitrary reasons, and they use guilt and fear to get you to follow their bullshit rules. But again, while I am not a christ user, I did indeed grow up in a location where christglitterboyry was widespread. If I were a true christ user, wouldn't I just want to have sex within wedlock instead of just being entirely celibate? The actual christ users I knew got married young. Because you gotta have them babies to grow god's kingdom!! My desire for purity spawned from something much more personal. Again throughout my life, I have tried to rid myself of that "us vs. them" attitude and behave if I were just like everyone else. However, other people have *directly* called to my attention that I am not like other people and have treated me like such. Just when I thought I had "integrated" and was simply like everyone else, I found that everyone else did not find that the case. The idea of romance was so unimaginable to me that experiencing it would make me not "me" anymore - but someone else - a stranger. Something so out of the norm for me that it was a sign of irreversible character change. Like the "light" going out of my eyes. It's the idea that you have something that you can lose, and once you lose it, you can't get it back. If you lose something, you are no longer whole. A desire to keep my whole and original sense of self. I tied the idea of normalglitterboyry to ideas of hierarchies, groupthink, reasoning in terms of social status than logic. Being KHHV was only the second piece of that, and I saw that those behaviors and ways of thinking were a direct result of sex seeking. >Or people with fake DID, they dont know they are faking it its just when you dont actually have to interact with anyone in real life besides your other perma online friends your little internal world becomes everything and you dont realize that if you had to interact with a normal person and face their scrutiny and questions your "shifting" would suddenly feel a lot more controllable and would be shown to yourseld to not be a real problem. I don't think the two are honestly good comparisons. While I do not condone trannyism, I don't think not transitioning inherently does not make someone "not trans." Trans in what sense? In that they just wear clothes and put on a larp? Or that they take hormones, too? They feel "gender dysphoria" likely as much as someone who transitioned but could face barriers like being in a country where that soykaf's illegal, living in a super strict religious family where they could get disowned, or not having medical insurance. I'd like to think that extra medical procedures like that are expensive as soykaf and a complete luxury. In the sense that they just wear clothes and larp, does that just make fetishist crossdessers (who do not have "gender dysphoria") (I know you could argue all trannies are fetishtist crossdressers, but I think there's gotta be more wrong with them in the head if they're willing to cut off their genitals) more trans than someone who does? Whereas, someone with fake DID doesn't have *anything* going on underneath, at all. > you have no idea what parts of your personality are actually your personality and that youd actually fight for or have stake in while they do. What does that mean? >are probably gonna fall into a series of horrific relationships because of this and then use that to justify retreating again. I have no interest in being in further relationships. While I can not describe myself as being fully isolated (I am not a NEET,) I can't describe myself as an active part of a social circle either. It's not something I just "gave up" and am always actively trying to interact with more people to broaden my worldview and expose myself to more viewpoints. But even in my attempts to interact with people, they always treat me like I am an alien. I am not an asshole. I am not disrespectful to people. I try to treat people how I would want to be treated. I do not stir crap. I do not have "little online friends" as you describe it. I keep my interactions (outside of imageboards, of course,) with people primarily in real life. >>99857 I don't *want* to be different from anyone else. If anything, I only begun to think of myself as "different" because others relentlessly brought up that I wasn't like everyone else and excluded me. I associated those sorts of mindsets (the cliques, the drama, the "oversocialized" way of thinking,) with sexhavers. I grew to have a disdain for them because people who had them disliked me and excluded me. If I were to become a sexhaver, I would become like the ones who disliked me and excluded me, and that causes a great sense of pain. >what exactly are you running from The loss of wholeness of my self. The thought of losing a part of me. The thought of losing my values and integrity. The thought that I could not stand strong. >New Testament scripture that claims you are inherently better or different from anybody who hasn't stumbled upon the right influences. I'm not a christ user, and I can't stand them.

It's so tiring dealing with meatspace people, I wish I lived under the Engels model where the state raises the children, there are no space for resentment and we are all sober.

>>102144 do you actually know what you're talking about or is this just a random jab at capitalism?

thank you felix guattari, before I read you I was in a slump unsure of my life. unsure if all the people I was carrying on my back, what I was carrying them for. i felt like there was no hope, that any kind of radical thought or action was dead. my art started to feel pointless, like playing pretend, I was ready to give up. and then somehow I found my way to you, and regained all my energy to fight and instead of feeling drained now feel even more momentum and energy with every little weird freak (myself included) i lift out of the mud. thanks to you we now have a society operating in part under your teachings, our chairman isnt very familiar with psychology or philosophy but I was able to get her on board and shes got the fever now too. our membership has nearly doubled, and even members who have no interest in that sort of thing have poked their heads up at our talks and talked to me privately after with questions and passion. its because of you at orientations and such when those on the fringes, outcast perhaps overwhelmed by anxiety, when they slip through the cracks I chase after and consult with them privately and get them what they need. ive become a loss prevention for people, and those people who could hardly raise their hand and ask for anything; some of them now are our most passionate members. because we were able to give them a space where for the first time sometimes in their life they felt welcome and most importantly wanted. I remember how much that meant to me when years ago when someone honed in on me to just talk and drag me away from trying to fade into the background yet again. that has always motivated me but with you I now know how vital that is and can put it in words. i dont care how many people say its all mental masturbation or obfuscated on purpose, its produced real results and created connections that werent there before. how could you be wrong. i cant wait to keep reading and learning even more from you, I wish you were alive to tell me if im doing the right things or simply bastardizing your thought. but even if it was the second, im not sure I care, you started this new chapter whether its faithful or not.

>>102447 sounds interesting. how is guattari helping you make connections?

not a vent so much as a call for help. bit silly to post this here but lainchan has never let me down soooo...whatever. gonna be starting uni in a month or a few yet I still look and feel like a child. and a really ugly, stupis one at that. is there any way to look different, preferably better, in a few months time? is there atleast any way to feel different?

>>102453 do exercise. If you're fat, just try to loose weight for now. If you're skinny, consider gaining a little weight while doing exercise. Main thing is to figure out something you enjoy doing and can do regularly; several times a week. It could be running or going to the gym or whatever. Try several things, including things you're not sure you'll enjoy. But whatever it is, find something physical you can stick with and stick to it, and get better at it.

>>102453 >gonna be starting uni in a month or a few yet I still look and feel like a child. Notice the affective part: you feel like a child. Well, that part ought to be rather easy to fix. Maybe you're doing childish things that you did as a kid, kept doing when you were a teen, and still keep doing at the threshold of adulthood. If you want to stop feeling like a child, you got to do adult-like things and begin to think like an adult. Pretty much the same advice applies when it comes to the looking part: you probably haven't paid much attention or felt much anxiety over the way you dress, groom yourself, carry yourself or the way you talk. Well, maybe the easiest way to make up the distance between you and your perceived adult peers is by copying their mannerisms and styles. Some things might not work out on first try, but there's nothing stopping you from dropping whatever you tried in a day or a week, since, I assume, you're just now starting your first year in uni, so nobody knows you. It's a clean slate and you can try whatever you wanted, and just scratch it immediately after if it's not working out for you. To maybe get into specifics, to be a child is to be naive, clueless, helpless, inexperienced, and ignorant. That's all that happens in your head. A child is empty-headed, and you're going to be exactly in the right place to do something about that: uni, with books, ideas, and new kinds of feelings to. If you think you're too much of a child, just pick any topic or aspect in life which is the complete antithesis of childish foolery, and acquaint yourself with it. That way, whenever you happen to feel again like a dumb kid, just remind yourself that you've actually done something about that. "What kind of a child would willingly do trigonometric functions on their spare time out of curiosity/boredom/love for mathematics? No kind!" But, you might also want to spin this whole discussion and narrative identity completely upside down. Childishness need not be a completely negative thing. It is the innocent play of children which, if we wanna be pseud-evolutionary-biological about it, prepares us for the real world. Uni is a rather safe place to try out things. Even dumb ones which the "adult side" of your brain dismisses as fickle whims of a child. As a matter of fact, it's the last place where you can safely try out things and practice new things in your adulthood. After that, if you haven't gotten the chance to get the childishness out of your system, then you're most likely on the road to becoming an eternal child who will be eaten alive in the real world unless you become a parasite and a burden on someone more mature and responsible than you or a resentful, soulless husk of a man who slowly murders himself one bit at a time. But, if anything, the very fact that you're asking questions like "how do I become less of a child?" can already be taken as an indicator that you're well on your way towards adulthood, because no child is going to ask such questions ever.

>>102453 hi lain, I just started my first year of electrical engineering a couple weeks ago, and I look bizarre. hoodie, backpack, permanently unkempt hair, the works... terrified for my life. taking deep breaths and trying my best to control my autonomous nervous system as best I could. I was almost immediately approached by a hypersocial normal yuser. she was very nice to me right away and now we're kinda friends I guess for some reason that seems impossibly obscure. oh wait no I know why. people actually don't really give a soykaf as long as you look roughtly their age. they'll just talk to you lmao kiill meee. I come from a small town in buttfuck nowhere where the local language is more dominant and I don't know how to talk like a twitch streamer (which is how my generation talks for the most part). hasn't been a real barrier so far. (you) will be fine lain. it's a scary world out there but chances are you're not the only person in that building whose pupils constrict when another human comes within ten paces.

>>102453 how has lainchan never let you down that worries me more than anything. anyways I felt the same as you, I was a total shut in before college. Im almost 10 years out of college now and have a great circle of friends and a partner I love and I also have ideas and things I belong to that I genuinely believe in, I have people I genuinely believe in and can count on and many count on me. I still have a lot of problems but I could die tommorow and feel fulfilled (though I have much more I want to do and many things that still sometimes make me feel like im not fully grown yet). Ive given this advice before to people who ask your question, for one its going to probably be a bit brutal. These next years and even the years after college at various points you will feel like a failure compared to your peers, you will feel behind, you might feel like your life is over (especially right after you graduate). But you have to keep saying yes to things, jump into friend groups and activities no matter how much you are worried you might be revealed as a loser. You might be, you might end up in a horrific friend group or relationship where you discover everyone was making fun of you, you might become isolatory for months after and think "im never trying again" but you will probably, and you must. The only way to learn is to throw yourself in and fuarrrk up, its going to be hard to but treat every connection or opportunity like a learning experience. Because you feel/are behind right? That means you have to be twice as open to these things as someone who feels they are all sorted out, and you have to be able to get over taking it personally and see what there is to learn from it twice as fast. You get an internship and are treated like soykaf and then fired, for a bit maybe you mope around and "i dont even want to be in this field whatever" and "i dont even like people". But then at some point you need to take stock, if you did actually want that internship to work out or if you do still want people to love you try to think about what went wrong. Be willing to think not that you deserved the hazing or whatever but that maybe there is something you need to work on about yourself, every time. Even if you have an awful breakup and think she was just the worst in the world and nothings your fault, assume it is your fault and try to imagine how you could have done better. With everything. A professor you think has it out for you, okay, many people will in life, so how can you turn this around. How can you pass anyways, at some point you will get so good at this you will be thinking even before you even speak in the class "how can I make a good impression with this professor even though I hate his guts already". in a nutshell never get jaded or cynical, dont listen to online retards like the guy telling you to work out. when something goes wrong ask people who know you and see you everyday about it and dont be reactionary to what feedback they might say. If you always seem open and respond well to people telling you upfront their problems with you and things they think you are doing wrong people will keep telling you these things and help you grow even faster. You dont have to agree always, sometimes you just have different values from someone or sometimes someone is just a hater. But for the next 4 to 6 years seem as if you have a genuine curiosity about what people think of you, what kind of person they think you are, what they see as your strengths and weaknesses. Seem as if you are taking it to heart, but not so much to heart you start crying or making them comfort you, just nod and go ah I could see that thanks it means a lot. People who seem grown or mature just did this earlier, a lot of them were really lucky and this happened in their family. think of a kid with a perfect childhood, parents push them to do stuff and provide resources to and encourage them but dont take it personally if the kid doesnt like it or want to stick with it. they tell their kid hard truths calmly, but also tell them when they are killing it. They are an open ear to their kids problems and dont freak out because they want their kid to keep telling them things, they might still punish their kid or place restrictions but they dont start screaming or hitting or take it personally. they are solely focused on making their kid the best version of themselves they can be. and that means pushing but not forcing what isnt working, giving feedback and information with every attempt, telling their kid patterns (good and bad) they notice and only they could notice as a parent whos around all the time. You likely didnt have this, many here didnt (often rather than abuse or anything they just had a parent who just was hardly present at all on this board and definitely didnt give insightful feedback or push at all). So you have to be it for yourself now but not by yourself, fill the gaps in what you cant give yourself (such as feedback) with people you find who seem honest and well intentioned. its going to take some trial and error to find out who is honest and well intentioned likely (but maybe not). You havent fully grown yet so take it from anywhere you can get it, be friends with someone you might find annoying or out of your league or under your league (you will come to find these perceptions of people dont mean anything). Be friends with people you share no common interests with but who do share an interest in growing with you or helping you grow, be down to talk like a girl and get interpersonal and gossip and intimate to learn things about people. Be friends with people who dont fully align with what you think your values are (so long as day to day and in personal interactions they are good people). I wish I knew all this then, because while I did it, it often was grueling and terrifying and it could have been exciting. And I would have felt less bad about not doing as well in school as I wanted because I would have realized I was missing people skills and stuff that come before academic pursuits on mazlows little hierarchy. And I would have understood I actually was putting in a lot of effort and learning a ton and trying very hard just not always in the classroom, I was trying to be a better person and who I wanted to be and I feel successful in that now and still try everyday. If you can do all this one day you will be grateful you werent fully grown like the guy with the highschool sweetheart who supposedly already knows exactly what they want to be and goes to college for it and never makes friends because hes got his girlfriend and home friends and never struggles. not cause hes evil but because you got to in a way live two lives. you got to grow a second time, when you were older, and you got to decide more of it for yourself it wasnt handed down to you. You picked your new role models and who you grew with and what kind of person you wanted to be with it wasnt all just born from proximity and others wishes you never questioned. There is no inherent value to this but if you can do what I said its somethibg you will feel very proud about, that you invented yourself, and be a source of genuine confidence. You know how sometimes you ask a simple innocuous question to some seemingly born with confidence peaked in hs guy at a party, and they get defensive for no reason and stutters and reacts poorly? Maybe you dont yet but you will, and you will realize what you think is just a simple interesting question is something this guy has never asked himself and blocks out because it might destroy all the pillars that support his confidence if he thinks too long on it. Well you have a rare chance for this to never be you, to willingly seek out people who ask you tough questions maybe even get mad at you and put you in the hotseat and to find answers for them until one day you have a confidence no one can disturb. To be able to feel comfortable interacting with anyone from any walk of life and any level of abrasiveness and difficulty, instead of the millions with inherited confidence and maturity who just avoid huge swathes of the population because they know theyd become a stuttering awkward mess in front of them. a lot of this might not make sense yet but it will. you are going to be okay and with a bit of luck better than okay. think about how often people say they wish they could go back to being a kid, where they were still open to learning new things and every experience was this big deal and magical. Thats you now, if you throw yourself into the mix you will have many harrowing devestating experiences and many beautiful ones that maybe you thought you would never have. And at some point you will look back fondly on them all even the really bad ones and even get nostalgic for them, you will take a walk to places you got in fights with people or lost a job or heard horrible news and have a smile on your face and listen to the same sad songs you did when it happened. Just be open, and I know this one is super hard for your generation but dont be scared of being judged or doing the wrong thing or being cringe. The people judging you who were scared of doing the wrong thing their whole life grow into the adults people joke about not being able to do anything and think of as pathetic. you got this.

>>99867 not everyone is like the people who hurt you, lain. if anything, there are a soykaf loada people who are in similar situations to you, many of them in your area too probably. and yet also, many relative "normal people" are also willing to be nice and considerate and maybe if u're lucky you can actually get a nice "normal person" to adopt you into their life or social circle. that's what happened with me actually. point is, if you just keep on fighting towards getting the better life you deserve there is basically no way it will not come. keep on exposing yourself to people despite the pain and rejection, you will find people to call your own eventually. provided you aren't a total creep I guess, but I also know of total creeps that are doing well socially too so there's that? anyways, I promise you there is nothing fundamentally wrong about you, you just have less life experience. yes, even if you're autistic or got some other social deficit

>>102465 haha good to know. we're bizarre looking hyper new adults but we are bizarre looking hyper new adults together. tell your friend I said hi

>>102478 > how has lainchan never let you down well for example, YOU just took time out of your day to help ME, a complete stranger. y'know, when you're a somewhat socially stunted teen not having any idea how to actually exist in the world, you're generally gonna wanna find people you can tell about your problems who will help you. this is....basically entirely impossible in real life since people will either give you a couple words of pity at best or take it as a threat at worst. here however, you guys would always just give me your straightforward solutions. it was nice to have people whose words one can reference while growing a consciousness and not knowing anything of the world even if their recommended solutions were sometimes batshit insane. so, thank you lainons. I love you all even if you are evil in real life. unless you're that guy that keeps spamming child porn

My closest friend for the past three years…I’m still only his third closest friend…that really is like kicking dead whales down the beach

>tell your friend I said hi oof, (you) might be tricky to explain to her >even if their recommended solutions were sometimes batshit insane. so, thank you lainons. I love you all even if you are evil in real life. sometimes you just need to massage your sigma-1 receptors a little to help a lain of the wired you know. if you're lucky it might even happen naturally!

>>102507 just caught up on the CWC wiki for the first time in years. i'm so proud of my boy it's not even funny. the amount of love I have for chris is unreal. it's kinda weird how chris's whole fanbase started out as a bunch of trolls and eventually became his greatest asset in life. crazy how nature do dat.

>>102488 well im glad to hear it, i really do think even more now you will be fine and youd probably figure out all the advice i gave for yourself. if you can sort out on here whats advice from shut ins or just people you dont want to be like (dont have a problem with shut ins not disparaging) versus whats advice from people who seem to have skills you want to acquire, going off anonymous posts and text alone (and clearly you can cause you mention that sure some of its crazy sometimes) then trust me when I say you can trust yourself to "catch up" maturity wise. I used to tell people there is no catch up no one knows what they are doing its all just different paths, and thats true I believe that, but its something I only realized after spending years making a concentrated effort to learn from everyone around me which involved seeing them as ahead and someone to learn from. one of those "easy to say now" type things. When I was a younger than you, not on here because it wasnt around yet, but on 4chan I got led down countless trains of thought and advice that were unhelpful or dead ends or was coming from people who had no business speaking on whatever it was thats why I found it worrying when you said you guys have never failed me but again; it sounds like you can tell who is truly trying to help you and who just wants you to suffer with them (in excess that is, we all suffer together). Not that im uniquely qualified or a good person and everyone who disagrees is bad people, but I dont want to drag you back into isolation at the least. To be fair to myself, when it was around time for college, I had decided like you that I liked people and wanted a community of people and also thay I wanted to be someone who stood on their own, who others could rely on, and also that felt okay to rely on others (that came after though). I often used to chalk it up to pure luck that I didnt revert to being a shut in again, that I just happened to meet the right people at the right time who led me in different directions. But you realize later not everyone would have been open to meeting said people or listened to them or would have regressed insome self pity retaliation after said people left instead of trying to find new people. Which is why I gave the advice I gave, so you can avoid that pitfall, but truly I think you would have gotten there on your own and will. In fact I hope you forget this advice in a week genuinely, that it just lingers in your subconscious or whatever and only helps prime you to discover it yourself because these things mean so much more when we do discover them ourselves Present Day, Present Time! AHAHAHAHAHA!.

>>102508 is she reeeeaaaallyyy your friend if she can't accept your true self. tell your friends about lainchan. tell your family about us. tell your dog. your pastor. your lawn. they are dying to know. take our greetings to them. set us free. you must do it. do it. >>102463 >>102457 it's a bit scary knowing this is basically the last chance to get it together but also exciting. I hope I'll be a completely different person in a year from now, ideally way better too. I have so many damn things to fix about my appearance still. that's the vent for today I guess >>102514 thanks uncle, I'll try my best to get into an accident and get amnesia asap. either way, thank you for having faith in me although it's cheesy to say this

I posted my art that I worked really hard on for months, and.... everyone ignored it. I've become really depressed in a deep way. I always knew I was different from other people, and had trouble connecting with others, but I thought if I worked really hard at my art, that might sorta serve as a kind of "link" from me to the rest of the world, so that I would feel recognized, understood even. And everyone just ignored it. From now on, my interactions with other people will be more limited. I'm no longer sharing my art. I'm going to double down on masking, and I'll never show the outside world my true self. I never wanted it to hit this point, but I feel like it was maybe inevitable. People just don't like what I have to offer, I guess.

I'm haunted by memories of my own life, I thought I had friends but it turns out they were pretending because they thought I was retarded

I remember me showing my friend something and she saying "why did you do that?" with that look you give retarded children when they are eating glue.

>>102604 this is going to be me in a few weeks~months, I am so incredibly fuarrrked

How are you supposed to keep going when you start having ideas after having been told you have no future?

>>102618 If you have nothing left, you have everything to gain. You can go anywhere, do anything, and be anyone. Pretty sure that was at least part of the point of your picrel. plz don't become a vigilante tho

>>102593 I've been posting high-effort (from my perspective) stuff on the internet for a long time and watched many armature artists do the same. This has taught me that there's an audience for virtually every kind of creative output. However, since the internet is so vast and everything is constantly competing for people's attention, stuff will frequently get buried because it's shorter/smaller and from a relatively unknown person in a less populated space. If you continue to post your work, it will become more visible regardless of how good it is and eventually, I'm certain some people will express appreciation. Receiving no interest from one post isn't a sign you should post less, it's a sign you should post more and possibly somewhere else. If you constantly receive negative reactions for months or years, then you might be justified negativity. I'll also say this: I think many artists who've received minimal feedback have a very warped and self-important perspective about their creations. There are probably things you can improve about your work which you've never even thought about that's obvious to other people. Don't disregard comments just because they misunderstand a few things, critique and revision is important for development if you actually care about the quality of your work. I'm not going to share my art or ask you to share yours because this applies to every art form.

>>102622 Yeah. I 100% get you. Though... something about it still rubs me the wrong way. Art seems like such a pure and wholesome and wonderful thing, like an oasis from all the ugly and troubled things about life on earth. But when you get into art-making, there's this ugly economic reality beneath it all, like, "You NEED to be more of a capitalist and find some patronage or you don't get to make art anymore" -- type thing. And I don't think I can tap into that same level of joy and inspiration that inspires me to make art if I have to be a capitalist about it. If I have to be Andy Warhol and treat my art process like a business. So it's not a case of me going like, "Screw you guys, my art is awesome, pay me now!!!!!!" It's more just, if I change my art so that more people like it, the art will become totally soulless and lose all of its magic. So at this point, why bother? So yeah. I'm just done with selling art. It's hard to get very emotional about this, because this is a problem that affects ALL artists so it's not like any one person gets screwed/singled out here, right? It even happens to the absolute most successful artists. Like Gooseworx recently talked about being super disappointed with TADC's fanbase and impact on the world. It's just how artists are

>>102620 Counterpoint: DO become a taxi driver

>>102624 I can only becomes a vigilante at this point. I was into catholicism for a while and there is a soykafload of evangelicals in my neighborhood.

>>102627 Become God's greatest taxi driver. Take the swine over the river.

>>102628 I refuse to not murder multiple people, I don't have a shot at a normal life and am completly disconnected from any positive emotion required to drive a car without running down children. I'm also planning on trying suicide by cop. Those were the crimes commited against me constantly in the least months >Assault >Sexual Assault >Harrassment >Deception >Stealing >Invasion >torture And they want to reframe as trauma (fake lefty thing) to give a female (read clinical) perspective to It, It's hoodnigga aryans blvd on these streets... Society went full on nigger.

>>102633 >This guy glows brighter than the average schizo. Maybe get your manifesto shaped up before a fed notices the gleem from your hovel. Good luck chad!

>>102637 My manifesto is irrelevant as everything I have to say was said a million times before. Here is a poem. As the kite strings the pope The infinite dismay of life turned into the flikering lighter. June they arrived to get the rats hiding in the basement and in May they were gone. Long live the lights of life they said They Said I was the Messiah As I string back into my mothers womb and die in her bodily fluids The reencarnation of Jesus, here I am and go.

>>102638 >Absolute nutter Yeah good mate. Maybe go get sectioned before the big event.

>>102513 It is crazy how dat do! And I’m glad he finally completed his lovequest andfojnd a boyfriend free girl.

>>102593 is the pic attached your art? it is quite beautiful. since it seems you will continue creating art anyways, then surely it would not be that much more effort to also post it online regardless of how many people interact with your posts at first? social media is a tricky thing and it'll take some time for you to figure out how to thrive there but it is still definitely viable with consistency. thus, keep on creating and posting despite how awkward it is at first, eventually the algorithm will take you to the fyp of some guy who will take liking to your art

>>102643 No it's not my art (but my art looks similar) >then surely it would not be that much more effort to also post it online regardless of how many people interact with your posts at first? I dunno. I kinda hate social media (especially X) and I feel like these platforms do not deserve to have my (or really any artist's) art posted there. So to give away your art to these websites for free so they can be scraped by AI, while you are given absolutely nothing, and hope for the slightest scrap of attention, it just seems really demeaning and gross to me. I respect all artists who take this route still, but if any artist can find the motivation to stop posting their art to these platforms, I think it will be a win for all of humanity honestly.

>>102645 I see, and it makes sense yes, it would be nice if we could all stop giving up our creations as offerings to these bastards in exchange for scraps. still there are some alternatives to post to, though they may not be as convenient or have as much reach. the most freeing and not-sucking-super-hard option is to make your own site, though you will have to wage slave it in other places anyways and will probably not get many visitors. there are also other options with less freedom such as ye olde faithful tumblr if it can be considered less suck-y than twitter as well as alternative social medias like fediverse stuff. I've even seen people get considerable success with telegram channels and the like. it depends how much you're willing to compromise, really. anyways, you probably already know a good way to battle the hellscape that is media and capitalism is to continue thriving and existing outside of/while in opposition to the system. so whatever you decide to do, I hope you continue sharing your art and putting yourself out there for people to discover and be inspired by in some shape or form, bullshit social media or not

>>102638 You are being buried. Better act soon

>>102633 Just words. >>102647 He will do nothing. Nobody here does anything.

>>102654 I'm really sorry to hear that lain. I hope the mess isn't that great. FWIW from having dealt with similar things, better not to put off the cleanup, mess will only get worse especially if the house is not occupied by anyone.

Honestly I've been marked as a insane person at my community, going to other places made it possible so I could integrate, you never forget the high you get from someone treating you like the average person. Just a regular person who is funny and witty and intelligent.

>>102647 >>102639 Was the poem good btw? I still don't know what's my "thing".

>>102704 Well, as someone who does enjoy poetry, I'll give my thoughts, I'm going to give them line by line (2) Not sure what 'the flikering lighter' is (3) Feels like it would work just as well as a shorter line, more grammatically compact. "June they came for the rats in the basement, in May they were gone" (4) Has a nice flow to it. (6) Only line I really dislike, it may be the 'bodily fluids' at the end. Even 'die in her warmth' may feel less hard and scientific. (7) 'reencarnation of Jesus' is redundant, feels like you are reminding the reader what Messiah means.

i always hesitate to post even on here, even on a fuarrrking imageboard with anonymity because am too sensitive of harsh comments, am subconsciously fuarrrking scared that a negative reply is send my way, i take everything to heart recently found out the person am acquainted with via discord (yes ik) killed himself, no matter how much talking or persuasion, he seemed dead set on passing and he did, i didn't get to see it or hear about it until two days ago because my fuarrrking dumbass wasn't active for 3 months, i was too much of a sensitive coward to open up my discord and now am scared for the others whom i befriended and acquainted with as well since they have been inactive, not knowing whether they also killed themselves or just stopped using their accounts, idk what to feel but absolutely on edge, butterflies in my stomach and all i could do is look at their profile pictures, am a weirdo, am a moron and the pink cherry on top, cowardly, i wish i killed myself before i met those amazing people, so that they don't have to be burdened by my presence in a way

>>102712 >>102712 Sucks bro. But you're your own worst enemy

>>102712 Go be in their life. If you die, nobody will recognize the good in you. That is worse than being called any name or insult. Go be a weird freak.

>>102712 i used to be like that. if they don't like you, move on. but don't stop. killing yourself is a lazy solution. some people got it bad, but if you're just scared of weirding people out, just keep going until you find your people. good luck lain!

>>102712 Chances are very slim many people killed themselves. It does happen though, and that's sad. You must grow up and engage instead of hiding. That won't save anybody.

>>102712 >>102715 >>102716 Common hikikomori soykaf. Average as dirt. Point being, you're cooked if you don't reach out.

ive been through a lot of things that maybe would traumatize people but never had ptsd or flashbacks or anything I guess just cause I had support or knew how to make sense of them for something. For some reason though this one thing, two years ago or so a dog me and an ex got together (or more like she got it and surprised me with it) died at just a year old. Ive had pets all my life and all of them lived a very long time, I have one right now whos healthy as can be and almost the others age. But my ex had gotten this very sick inbred dog from someone off craigslist and I loved that thing like my child. I paid so much to try and find what was wrong with it. When we broke up we still lived together but I started trying to be out of the house more and give the dog space because I knew she would be taking it. In that time is when she died, and she died in my arms. And I remember my ex just screaming and demanding we go to the hospital even though I knew she was dead already cause id taken care of animals all my life (I did take her just so she could have the peace of knowing we did everything, I dont blame my ex they had never had animals or had things die in front of them). I often think about like what if me pulling away my love is why she died, what if its cause I wasnt paying as much attention (my ex didnt totally know how much care she needed and would miss small things). It also was this thing, even though we were broken up, we would say like at least we have her to bond us ( the dog). Part of the reason I broke up with my ex is I knew if something did happen to the dog id want to break up with her immediately after, the dog was the only thing keeping me in the relationship. I had wanted to leave already around the time she got the dog, and instead ended up moving in with them after she did get said dog. Most days im fine but even years later every month or so I just replay that horrific night and I also wonder why I dont do the same with kind of tragic sudden family deaths, or relatives being taken away from me, or witnessing kind of awful fights. Just this, this little dog I loved so much. I get so scared and upset, I just got really scared because I realized I cant rememher what the dogs personality was like. Its all blended up with the dog I got after whos the same breed. I just know I really really loved her.

I feel vaguely discontented tonight. In my time in college, I haven't really had any social success. Whether I make effort or not, it doesn't lead to anything. I am in a social group (for academic purposes. This is a group I formed.), and I get the feeling that people don't like me. I went to a movie with this group, and they all talked amongst themselves, but did not talk to me unless I initiated it. I've rather tried hard to make my train of thought healthy - insofar, not viewing other people as "normals," but people put emphasis on how they clearly think I am different. No, I have tried to view myself in my mind as no different than everyone else, but everyone else seems to think otherwise. How can I rid myself of this "toxic" mindset if people keep shoving me into the role of the outsider? I talk not about my own interests but try to take interest in everyone else's interests. I try to be the friend I would want someone to be for me. I try to shed myself of this ""need"" for socialization in order to not come off as desperate, and act like I do not give a fuarrrk instead. But the pain is great. How can I rid myself of this ""need""? I observe that people have someone there for them in times of need, but the only person I have is myself. I try to detach myself from that and make peace with it. "You do not need anyone," I tell myself. I try to internalize it deeply. But it doesn't stop a feeling of pain and isolation. I can't wait until I graduate so I can be as far from people as possible (outside of shallow career purposes so that I may continue my survival.) If I am not surrounded by happy people with social groups, then I can not be reminded of what I lack. How do I make life go by quicker? I already indulge in hobbies. I wish I could hit a fast-forward button on a remote somewhere and be on my deathbed already. I am trying to make life run quick as possible.

>>102711 Yes but the thing I was going for was exactly that, anything else feels off.

>>102719 College? Well you're just starting. Talk to a counsellor about BPD. A lot of men seem to have it, but it gets stereotyped female. Also realize, everybody is in college because of some obligation. Try to make the most of it, but don't expect it to be the place you find your crowd. But be open minded. You might find your people in a place you don't expect. Biggest thing, don't "skip" it all. It's worth the hardship. Give it time, you'll see. Just keep going, one foot ahead the next. When you land in the deathbed, you will not regret trying, but you would be haunted by "what ifs".

>>102721 >College? Well you're just starting. Eh, I am almost done with it, though >Talk to a counsellor about BPD. Why BPD and why a counsellor? Whether BPD were the case or not, and I am open to the possibilities, but I would be concerned of the stigma of having such a diagnosis. For instance, if I went to the doctor for some unrelated reason, they'd likely have preconceived notions and biases about me based on what's on my chart. A normal issue becomes, "Is that manipulation? Is that attention seeking?" Whereas, if they saw it now, undiagnosed, they would be more likely to explore the issue. I also know that people with that in their record get pushed out of medical treatment more quickly because people do not want to deal with them. I am not sure what significant treatment options are available for BPD except DBT. I saw a college counsellor for two years, but it wasn't much use, to be honest. I took all of the counsellor's advice, and did everything they said, but it didn't help any significantly. > But be open minded. You might find your people in a place you don't expect. I definitely have been trying to be open minded, open to trying things that I might normally be interested in. >When you land in the deathbed, you will not regret trying, but you would be haunted by "what ifs". I hadn't thought about that, but won't that become moot when I do pass?

>>102722 >>102721 Can't help somebody who doesn't want to be helped.

>>102723 >Can't help somebody who doesn't want to be helped. Where are you getting that from? I was asking a genuine question and wanted to understand the reasoning behind it.

Is it normal not remembering very important parts of autobiographical memory? I want to assume a new identity but people IRL keep calling my name scaring me out

To be honest I have paranoid schizophrenia and don't have a shot a the world, where I live people don't really care about it and have this idea of being a crazy hostile you poke to show you are brave thing, but they still see it as a one of us thing and not a poor soul like they do with autists. I just don't get neither the props of being retarded nor the props of being normal, it's essentially a choosed to suffer label.

Is it weird that I get depressed whenever I hear someone is marrying or had a kid Not because I want a kid, even. I just feel like this world isn't important or meaningful enough for us to bring more people into it

>>102738 sorry about that man, is it possible for you to move elsewhere? >>102722 you just gotta keep on trying and throwing yourself at the world anyway. eventually something or the other will work out. for me, it was that I started going to our local mosque and found people willing to be patient for me and who shared my values. maybe your local church would work too? or any gathering based on faith or beliefs or politics. if one environment just isn't working, then go start again in another one. also, don't go for bpd if you don't want to, maybe try a personal therapist instead of the college counselor if you can afford it

>>102745 Interesting. Are you originally Muslim? I'll preface this by saying I am not sure where I land politically, and I feel too ignorant to take up political beliefs meaningfully because of my own knowledge gaps. I am unsure where I would begin to start to fill them, because all of the resources I see related to politics seem so slanted. But on a surface level, I can't stand politics, and observe tribalism. At the same time, we are fundamentally wired for tribalism. It exists everywhere. Why do people get so rabid about football teams? It's the desire to differentiate yourself as a part of a group. I feel the same about religion. But, if, looking at it from this perspective - the idea that we are wired for tribalism, then it makes sense that having a tribe would have mental health benefits, although I'd like to call myself "above it," whether it's true or not. >maybe try a personal therapist instead of the college counselor if you can afford it I've been debating on this, but I've observed a family member's experience, and therapy seems to be a soykafshow. They seem to get different diagnoses every time, and the therapists can never agree on what's going on. It makes me wonder if psychology is almost pseudo-science because how inconsistent professionals can be in diagnosing people. But, it's also the concern of how being diagnosed with something could have an impact on me getting legitimate medical treatment or how it could impact some other area of my life in that sense. I guess I will keep on trying different environments. But I guess it's hard to keep my head up when the outcomes are usually generally similar (and I have been trying to take a deep and hard look at my behavior to alter and fix what is driving people away. I am not blaming everyone else on this one.) I am not an inflammatory person.

>>102739 >Is it weird that I get depressed whenever I hear someone is marrying or had a kid >Not because I want a kid, even. I just feel like this world isn't important or meaningful enough for us to bring more people into it You don't even know what you believe. If this world is not important nor meaningful, why would some copulation upset you? I can 100% guarantee there is another reason why this upsets you. It probably just reminds you of your own social ineptitude and evokes your anxiety that you never were capable of achieving the same yourself. I'm not even making a value judgment on what you profess to believe, I'm just pointing out how obviously wrong what you say is. >>102719 I know that all too well, I've had a very similar experience as you. After years of trying different things to make friends, and despite getting rather good at talking to people, I've focused on letting go of social need. It's tough though. Of course, you and I come to lainchan specifically because we cannot get along with anyone in this world, but have found this one place where there are people similar to us, where we may actually have shared interests and experiences. This website is a way to cope with our social failure, and to feel our need is fulfilled, weakly as it is.

>>102751 > are you originallt muslim? yes actually, but it's not simply that I was born into it but rather that I evaded it for some time and then re-found it for myself, then eventually decided the people from where I'm from where correct about things anyways. I think you've already considered this but it may be your distaste towards tribalism that is making you not mesh well with your surroundings. not saying you should assimilate into the zeitgeist, but taking the time to appreciate the beautiful and intricate parts in your environment helps of you aren't already doing so. also, to develop your world view, just read history books I guess. HIGHLY preferably books made by people who were actually there to natively experience the world events they wrote about. also, talk to people who already seem to have a world view to see what they're about > its also the concern of how being diagnosed with something could have an impact on me getting legitimate medical treatment or how it could impact some other area of my life in that sense yes that makes sense. however, if I recall correctly therapists are not qualified to make any sort of medical diagnosis, so you should probably be fine just trying one out and ditching if it doesn't work. well...don't trust me on it and search about it yourself I guess. good luck lain, I hope things work out

I was thinking about starting my own Lainchan. Anybody here up for it?

>>102816 Tell us about your proposal. Software, name,?

>>102817 I haven't decided on a name, but it'll probably run on Lynxchan. I've had this idea for a few months now. I've never actually made a website before, but I thought maybe I should do it because AI has made it so much easier. I want the moderation to be largely handled by an AI mimicking Lain; AI mod decisions are reversible by the site owner, but most minor tasks are delegated to the AI. It would have a classic imageboard free speech culture like the old 8chan before it went down, but since so much of the moderation is done by AI you don't need to hire human jannies and risk them acting like hotpockets. The Lain AI would also have access to a crypto wallet to maintain the site herself and the ability to actually post on the board, not just moderate. Basically it would be an attempt to manifest Lain.

>>102823 >>102823 AI Lain Cult? Yes. AI Lain Cult.

>>102823 >>102828 most retarded ahh larp of 2026

>>102823 Do you intend to bring it up to date yourself? Are you a competent coder and administrator? How are you going to manage spam and llm slop? >>102828 It would be more interesting than the proposition lainchan has....... sadly. inb4 Systemspace ahh larp: just don't rip off a soykaf vn

>>102837 >Do you intend to bring it up to date yourself? That's the biggest question and I don't honestly have an answer to it right now. I guess I could just have AI do it, but a lot of AI-developed sites have turned out to have critical security flaws. AI is easier to justify as a mod. >Are you a competent coder and administrator? no lol >How are you going to manage spam and llm slop? Spam, whether AI or human-created, is best dealt with by implementing a captcha. There will be no way to bypass it, no 4chan Pass or any other such thing. language enhancers may be used to an extent to filter common turns of phrase used in slop generation, but I'd prefer not to be overly reliant on them because it creates a hotpocket mentality.

>>102840 >no. He's fuarrrking cooked.

>>102841 Most site admins these days aren't competent admins or coders. If that was a disqualifier most of the internet would be gone.

It's really annoying how "serious" small imageboards are. You can't make a thread about some casual observation that you think is interesting, like something you would casually mention to your friends. I think there's something "serious" about the interface itself that lighthearted but interesting remarks get taken so seriously, everyone in the replies starts dissecting it like it's a PhD thesis, And starts thinking like it's somehow related to their super niche political ideology that they base their entire personality on and need to start injecting their massive amounts of seethe while completely misunderstanding the tone of the post. I think part of it comes down to the slowness, and the fact that it takes more effort to make a post and submit it then casually sending it in a chatroom, people assume if you bother to post something you must think it's some profound realization. I think slow imageboards are one of the worst forms of human interaction online.

>>102844 Why not? The culture here is "so so so serious"

>>102844 then....don't post super lighthearted topics on serious imageboards? or alternatively, specify that your post is lighthearted

Despite the fact that my life seems to be improving, I still get this gut feeling that eventually everything will crumble before my eyes, that when I get near the finish line I will be met with a terrible fate.

>>102844 Pretty much everything people talk about now is frivolous, it's incredibly rare to hear about anything serious outside of here, unless it's politics, which is also a circus.

>>102849 Revelation KJV will suddenly happen, that's why everyone can feel the end of the world approaching - despite how hard they try to ignore it.

I hate my own voice; I can't stand listening to myself on recordings. I'd like to get past this, especially since I've been thinking about starting a YouTube channel as a hobby. I don't know if it'll work out, but I'm tired of just sitting at the computer doing nothing—. I want to create something. Any tips? This is mostly just me venting, but I'd like to know if anyone here has ever gone through this, hating something about themselves.

>>102865 Get over it? Who cares if you hate your voice. Shut the fuarrrk up and use it.

>>102844 Are you sure that this is all small imageboards? I've observed small-scale imageboards that have had more of a comfy and chill feeling, where the posts are shorter and less substantial. What specific imageboards do you observe this on? I most definitely observe things like that on Lainchan, but throughout the years, it seems dependent on the culture of the website itself.

>>102865 Channel about what? Does voice even matter? You can just power through and develop tolerance.

>>98757 >You are giving OP bad advice its better to meet people organically and you dont need to go to bar/club to do that or be on apps. Find a hobby or interest meet people that way or try to start striking up convos wit people in public places or where a shirt with an interest to see if like minded people comment on it and go from there. Everyone has the right to live however they please. If not by finding like minded people or "touching grass" is none of my problem.

>>102844 >everyone in the replies starts dissecting it like it's a PhD thesis and it's even more retarded than the average PhD thesis all social media is bad for your mind. yes this is also social media, it's not that much better than the normogroid sites, get over it. I'm only here because I need to fuarrrking drown my brain with noise and cope rn. >>102865 highkey, learn to sing, and practice. getting over the cringe is hard, but it's easier if you're completely alone and completely sure no one can hear you (if that's an option for you). even if you suck at it, just merely practicing it will give you a much greater understanding of your own voice, and you will become much more aware of little things you might have not been aware of before. you wlil also learn to control it better, but of course this is harder. I mean, nothing can make you not hate your voice other than "just le get over it kek", but hard work pays manyfold.

>>102871 >and it's even more retarded than the average PhD thesis duh, well no soykaf sherlock. Lainchan isn't an accredited institution with standards to be kept, and there are no pre-requisites to posting on here except being a pseudo intellectual flaming glitterboy. >all social media is bad for your mind. yes this is also social media eh, whether that's the case or not, anonymity fundamentally changes the social structure of the website in a way that differs quite a bit compared to something like Instagram. There are no upvotes, no points, no names. There are no social brownie points to be gotten by posting here. If you spout the zeitgeist, you might get some homos praising your post, but that's not really a reward. If you don't, then you aren't restricted from saying your opinion. It will not be hidden. You just get called a glitterboy. There are no cliques. There is no hierarchy. You can not gain anything by declaring yourself an "old user" because there are no join dates. People can not have pre-conceived biases about you because of what you have said in your post history because there is no post history. >it's not that much better than the normogroid sites, get over it. I'm only here because I need to fuarrrking drown my brain with noise and cope rn. If it is no different, then why are you here then? The rest of the modern mainstream internet is noise, too.

>>102873 >If it is no different, then why are you here then? The rest of the modern mainstream internet is noise, too. I don't use the rest of the modern mainstream internet. I thought my smarmy smugness made that abundantly clear glitterboy

>>102865 Your voice itself doesn't matter, oratory matters, this can get better with practice over time.

left everybody out of nowhere again. i was born to be alone

>>102891 Did you run away Lain?

It's so weird to fall asleep and have a dream where your subconscious is being SUPER heavy-handed and just blatantly telling you exactly what you feel inside. Normally it at least tries to hide it or abstract it in some way. I guess if you ignore the subconscious for long enough it simply gets fed up and gives you the same message but even more intensely. Like at this point I could list all the things my subconscious wants me to know in a bullet-pointed list

>>102910 >>102910 Post your list

why are the biggest proponents of post humanism, these technocrats and oligarchs, so afraid of dying. to me the practical effect of post humanist and post structuralist philosophers as well as the kind of "anti psychonalaysts" like lacan and reich and such, or like why I believe its not just a bunch of french nonsense and has a praxis element, is it helped shift me into someone not afraid to die in the kind of permanent anxiety sense that produces safety seeking behaviours and hoarding and all the things people like peter thiel do. It all gives it a bad name, as if post humanism is all about discarding humanity and empathy. to me its resulted in a detatchinh of myself from my consciousness, all of the things that make me me arent even within this realm of consciousness. its all the things I dont notice, all the things my friends notice. cynically, my stock account and my debts and my income is more me than me in this society. uncynically. I am the various products of my desire and mind viruses ive spread to my friends and loved ones. I am just a body, whos atoms will exist regardless of my death. Im only what I attatch myself to, and most of the day im preoccupied with people who will live long after I die, and so there is no fear. There will be fear when im staring down a cliff but I am free to pursue what I think is most pressing regardless it I lose everything trying, I never have to do things out of security or an imagining of ohh what if im old and sick one day. I will be, and it does not matter. im just a machine who couples with other machines driven by desires with inputs and outputs and its beautiful. why try to create an ai hell machine and upload myself to the cloud and be immortal when I already am as immortal as anything and already am a perfect machine. I feel like the true application of this philosophy is not trans humanism but almost the opposite, trans humanism is born out of an inadequacy or desire to be like machines perceived to be more than human. post humanism is to realize you already are a machine thats a part of other machines and coupled to other machines and always breaking down and decoupling.

>>102912 >why are the biggest proponents of post humanism, these technocrats and oligarchs, so afraid of dying they are all broken people who have never experienced love. Even if they did experience it, they wouldn't appreciate it. How else could someone devote their life so fully to the accumulation of wealth? >I feel like the true application of this philosophy is not trans humanism but almost the opposite, trans humanism is born out of an inadequacy or desire to be like machines perceived to be more than human I think you might like this passage from the Catholic guy's encyclical on the matter. It is very well written I think. https://www.vatican.va/content/leo-xiv/en/encyclicals/documents/20260515-magnifica-humanitas.html#Underlying_narratives:_

>>102917 Do you have a better pitch? Most people here aren't interested in e-girls.

>>102911 >Man you're getting old >If you went back to college you wouldn't make a single friend >You're weird and can't connect with anybody >Even if you traveled to some foreign country like Germany and saw some cool stuff you wouldn't be happy Basic stuff. I have answers to all these things but I guess my subconscious still isn't happy

>>102918 I do like the passage, increasingly I find common ground in places id never expect to. This is super nitpicky because most do but I think they conflate transhumanism and post humanism a bit. Nitpicky cause I know what they are getting at and its the same thing I was. I think the catholic church would probably think I also "devalue human life" is one thing, but to me this is good. I am a visual artist, art has been increasingly devalued, and to me it has been freeing. The peers that have stuck through its devaluing are a higher caliber to me than back when being a graphic designer was all the rage. But you know if I was a true believer, when god created humans was it out of a desire for their value? I think believers and non believers who show interest alike agree its something more complicated than that even if we cant agree what. For me there is no definition of value that exists seperate from capitalisms definition that doesnt point to another word. For example maybe god created man out of love, increasingly this isnt the case but many of us here would be avoidant of interchanging value with love. So human beings do have no inherent value to me, but thats what makes my love of them so special. That sometimes they ruin everything for me, and often weirdly I love them even more for it. Not just me, many do, many have a romantic interest in someone that all their friends are frustrated with; why why? she/he does nothing for you. we do so much for you why do you love them more than us? And we all know whether we are on the receiving or giving ending of these wordss, they have no impact on the persons love.

>>102923 Anybody else in this mood now? We all cooked?

When I feel love at first sight, feel intense feelings, get jealous and possesive, I make that person a best friend. Trying to be in relationships with such people always has failed me. Conversely, my girlfriends I always feel nothing for at first, I learn to love them and build cute memories. Soon I am moving in with a best friend, instead of my girlfriend. She knows and is okay with it but truly deserves better. She knows my friend will always get my first attention, but she looks up to me and through me has learned to open up and make friends and so she overlooks it. Fearing that without me she will lose all the friends shes made through me and lose her confidence. sometimes it feels like im living life like im in the closet despite being straight. but I know no other way.

Its been two months since I last spoke to her. We did not spend much time together at all, only a couple short months however she has left a lasting impact on my life. Nothing went wrong between us, just differing views making us incompatible however through her I was able to see a new perspective on life, one which I aspire to grow into and manifest. I have already tried to reconcile with her following our split, so now it is up to her as I no longer can push any further and I pray to god that she feels the same and is able to overcome any feelings of doubt or pride she may be fighting against if she ever decides to do so. As much as I can say I regret my decision, I am also thankful to have experienced it all and do not regret the experience whatsoever. But from my end, the story continues I cannot wait however I also cannot replace her. Instead I am driven further, to new heights, into someone I am truly even more proud of. The thoughts of her do not fade, every day I wake up in remembrance of her, however I am also aware that this over time will not be her but instead my image of an ideal which I am projecting on to her, a powerful concept which will do me great good but also great harm should she return as someone else, or should I end up meeting another women. But despite how formidable the barriers are, I know that should the right woman appear, she will shatter this image and replace it with her own. It is through her that I will then know further progress, rather than my image of this ideal. In the meantime I will carry on with this new vigor and faith in god. I will master the life I have been given and live it to the fullest, with or without a partner to share it with. I won't ever say my faith doesn't waver, however I can also reflect back and see the magnitude of blessings god has granted me and it is proof enough of his grace and love for me. So I too must fulfill my obligation and put these to use, not just for material gain but to do all that I am capable of doing. To embrace this absurdity, squander doubts and live life to the level at which god has permitted to me.

>>102971 That's some sapphic soykaf girl. Go, your queen awaits <3

>>98160 I am joining the military, but I have mixed feelings. I need the money and its the only real opportunity I have. One of the issues I have is that I know somebody that is in and the attitude difference is extreme. For example, when I see that one Democrat senator speak out and say you don't have an obligation to follow illegal orders, I think the attempt to stifle his speech by this administration goes against the values we claim to be defending and believing in. But this guy I know thinks Hegseth is completely in the right. There are many Americans that say you don't have a right to free speech in the military. That is true, to an extent; you don't want your soldiers revealing information to the enemy. But why are they so giddy about the silencing of any speech that is critical of the US or its actions? Do they really want to be in a country where those in the military can't protest orders to commit war crimes or speak out about it? This is not a partisan issue. I'm not a liberal or conservative, I don't vote. I don't like when people in law enforcement, the military, or other positions of authority think this way. It isn't productive and it isn't "brutally honest", like they pretend. Brutalizing a drug addict and putting them in jail does nothing to address the societal consequences of the drug trade; it exacerbates them. Those that take this heavy handed approach will find any reason to justify why who they are doing it to deserved it. There's always going to be violence, but it's obvious that there are different degrees and it's hard for me to accept that so many people will willingly accept tyranny for short term emotional satisfaction.