I used to be depressed about being single

I've come to the realisation that I think I am perfectly content with not being in a relationship. I haven't been in a relationship in nearly eight years, but I dated a few girls during high school and early college. I've had a few women who were interested since, but I either felt like I wasn't ready to be in a relationship or they were deceived into thinking I was somebody who I am not. I feel like most women are legitimately parasitic when it comes to time and attention, and I only think about what I would be giving up in a relationship. A lot of the greatest men in history never married or had kids and entirely dedicated their lives to what they loved, which wouldn't have been possible with a woman.

A long time ago I decided to not really bother seeking out a partner, and not having that stress anymore was really nice. Got into new hobbies and met more friends with the time I'd otherwise be trying to find a date or whatever. I've talked/seen more than enough people trapped in soykafty relationships to know that a) its frankly the norm once the honeymoon period wears off and b) objectively worse than being single. If you're happy without a partner there's nothing wrong with that, and if other people have a problem with it that just them projecting their own insecurities

>A lot of the greatest men in history never married or had kids and entirely dedicated their lives to what they loved what are (you) dedicating yourself to then?

>>96870 there is more to life than just women

I'm 20 and I feel like I'm wasting my life (or maybe I'm just anxious) because I'm still a virgin and I've never been into a relationship. That upsets me, I want to have kids some day. Any advice for dealing with this emptiness? Maybe fully dedicating to hobbies?

>>96870 *laughs in warehouse-worker*

>>96878 >I'm 20 and I feel like I'm wasting my life (or maybe I'm just anxious) because I'm still a virgin and I've never been into a relationship.

>>96878 You are still young, so you don't need freak out yet. And yeah, dedication to hobbies can help you with this, or at least is what I guess. You can try get something that hooks your attention. Or something that needs a good amount of mental energy to realize.

>A lot of the greatest men in history never married or had kids and entirely dedicated their lives to what they loved, which wouldn't have been possible with a woman. This is true. On the other hand, John Bardeen, the only person so far to have two Nobel prizes in physics, was happily married until his death, and he was mostly known around his neighborhood for hosting barbecues. You can go both ways. It is true that you give up a lot when you enter a serious relationship. But you also gain a lot, if you're with the right person. Being two instead of one is really a fantastic thing.

the faster this forced meme about relationships dies, the better. feel like it's one of the slightly-major things causing a lot of unnecessary stress, though i guess that aids the system >>96878 >I want to have kids some day i'm gonna gift you a copy of "Better Never to Have Been" at your baby shower you dickhead >>96886 one exception isn't significant enough

>>96894 >i'm gonna gift you a copy of "Better Never to Have Been" at your baby shower you dickhead nta but antinatalism isn't gonna convince someone who's not already bitter and depressed

>>96885 yeah, no luck convincing retards, i get it

>>96899 >everybody who's not depressed like me is a retard cheer up buttercup

>>96902 who are you quoting? that's not a proper retort i may be bitter but depression doesn't exist because mental illness is a sham made up to shame people for their proper reactions to/in a soykaf world

>>96903 it's normal to have a negative reaction to today's world but a person with a good lifestyle who really has nothing going on with their brain is not gonna be depressed even if they realise that the world is like kicking dead whales down the beach

"marry and u will regret that, dont marry and u will also regret that too." - KIRKegaard do whichever. do whatever. doesnt matter. its all pick your own adventure game book. thats it, of course, as age goes the pages slim, so theres that, but you can always pick whichever. this isnt 150 years ago, where your life is more set in place; you are able to pick a choice now. but stick with it, as the pages slim. no one else gives ultimate judgements, nor me, only u give the ultimate judgement on your life choices, if its terrible then it is, if you decide somethings true about yourself then it is. it all yours. do whichever.

>>96870 Yes, guy. Hate your women. Live alone, isolated and vulnerable. Never be part of something. Don't belong. Be dependant on the state, not of people close to you. And most importantly, never have kids.

>>96870 >The greatest men in history have both married and had kids while entirely dedicating their lives to what they loved, which wouldn't have been possible without a woman. ftfy

>>97306 this but without the smug sarcasm and strawmen also >your women i never understood this particular habit from the collectivist mindset (from wignats and ethnonationalists mainly) to claim women as entirely theirs, have you seen them?

>>97310 >your friends I've never understood this habit from the collectivist mindset (from social people and normal users mainly) to claim friends as entirely theirs. Have YOU seen THEM?

hey can u guyes not quote stuff that hasn't been said in teh thread....... i'm super autistic today and forgot to take up my medication so i won't pick up on your funny mocking 'humor' (xD).................

Being single is not really depressing. What is depressing is when you are in love with someone and not with them.

>>97310 Women who are biologically like you are the only opportunity to make a new person like you. You can be antinatalist but the mindset is crystal clear here. If I am going to die if I don't have something, that thing is mine. I don't debate whether I should have right to breathe. I am going to die. Having a kid of my kind means I (kind of) won't die. The women of my kind belong to men of my kind in the same way a lifeboat in the freezing atlantic would become "mine" as soon as I know that it exists. It is easy to say "I deserve to live, we deserve to live." Morality is bypassed. Of course, this argument only allows for access to fertility. It is also reversible: men, you owe your women semen. The outgrowths such as "I deserve to have a woman of my own instead of sharing" "I deserve to control her to make myself feel secure" don't directly follow, but they are each eminently appealing. The real question is, do artificial wombs uproot this dynamic?

Its a good mindset, to be honest once you have a girlfriend the decisions don't get any easier. Once I left highschool and realized I wasnt as ugly as I thought and just that I wasnt attractive to the demographic of my hometown I hopped from girl to girl. I mostly got broken up with at first and then I learned things about people about what people want, what inspires confidence, how to bring excitement to others lives insteas of always looking for it from others. Now in many ways I wish I could go back to how I was, I wish I could go back to where sure id get hurt and not know why and have to go on a whole quest of tears to figure out why but there was still this possibility or excitement with every new girl. Im still pretty fascinated by people and especially women whether girlfriend or just girl-friend, but when it comes to understanding what someone wants or why they are doing what they are doing its all pretty quick now. Where I might meet some girl before and maybe shes extremely bizarre, really pretty but few friends, gets crazy fun drunk, can go up and talk to anyone etc. and id look at all that and go how magical shes everything, now its just a lot of fun but all too familiar. I dont "got everyone figured out" but the scope of what puzzles and attracts me to someone has gotten significantly smaller. And now im like that crazy girl, and it hurts to meet some quiet girl like I was once look at me like im magical and going to take them on a grand journey. Saying all the same things said to me that pulled me out of my shell "I cant ever tell what your thinking", "you never get mad I think you could get madder than you think", "what are you staring at, what are you thinking about", "my friends all loved you", "im always talking your turn to talk about something", "you hide so many things", "you can tell me anything even if you killed someone", "i know its 2 am but im at a party if you want to come over right now". But eventually this line of questioning you totally open someone up, sift through them, and realize what you were looking for isnt there, it wasnt ever in anyone only you saw it and now its only in you. All to say then what; when you are alone and have never had a girlfriend or boyfriend or a best friend even you just are peacocking and patiently waiting to be chosen. Once you have the validation you can be, you set on a path to where you realize its up to you as well to choose your people. Then its not exciting and about being chosen anymore, no more like imagining scenarios where the girl of your dreams finds you, its just about choosing or not choosing someone. Knowing that the magic will wear off, already imagining the day it happens, and deciding if this person is worth choosing even without the magic. You end up having to peer through all the excitement and mystery and attractive bodies that made you want someone in the first place sometimes even on the first few dates. Or alternatively relationship hop till you cant anymore, decide that initial excitement and fun is all you care about, leaving a wake of people who will be left often doing the same once they process you leaving. This is a dilemna, to shackle up with someone who deserves love and gives you lots but isnt who you were 'searching for', or keep searching with no promise you wont die alone alone (we all die semi alone) and leave her even though the thought of abandoning breaks your heart. If you actually love people none of its easy and it all hurts, at first you think someone leaving you hurts and then you just wish people would leave you first and spare you the hurt of hurting someone you love for a "maybe" greener pasture. However I had a friend from highschool once saying the exact same thing you are saying. He became kind of a neet shut in, we talked on and off but eventually we talked and shared everything everyday. He would stay inside and read and consume a ton of interesting media and movies, and he would tell me about that. Id live my life and kind of report back to him about what was happening out there. I never judged him for his choice to stay inside and focus on his inner world and most importabtly to me he never judged me or got defensive when I talked about girls or friends or drama. Its hard to find neet friend like that who isn't disturbed cause you broke their immersion by presenting the possibilities and stories of life. To him it was like just another movie, another character, a source of inspo. So as you see he had very much made peace with not just not having a girlfriend but even not partaking in the outside world, no job and no car and no education (and no car somewhere you need to drive to get around). But one day a girl did find him, and he reneged on everything. Started telling me he understood now why I go out and get involved in all this drama and disturbance of peace. Desires created by feelings will take priority over desires created by rationality always. You can rationalize a feeling based desire to make it palatable and easy to work with, but when you feel something stronger than you have felt in awhile it will take priority. When there is no lovers to be had you can put them out of mind, but a little warning that if somebody ever decided to take initiative and show love and interest in you, it might all "start to make sense". But you still have a good mindset minus in my opinion minus the women are parasites thing. That just sounds like a "i dont want it anyway it probably is like kicking dead whales down the beach". But its true that a lot of these things we are promised as necessary for the ''complete life experience" are not necessary and many live without experiencing. However a lot of those great people you are talking about didn't have a lover because of their obsession with some field or interest, and even that can still be love motivated, for example a lot of times its having a parent or living in an environment where you only got love for success. Its not like they were great because at their core they wanted a gf but couldnt get one, or else they likely would have used their success to try and impress a girl. Its that that sort of obsessive solely focused on my interests and me personality does not allow time to meet people and even when working with others they likely failed to notice any advances or failed to respond to any attempts at interpersonal communication. In fact in my observation a lot of "greats" who are highly passionate and motivated, the sort of person who seems like they must be on meth the way they work and obsess, they have something ive armchair labeled "social contamination avoidance". They see gossip or interpersonal communication as anywhere from petty to invasive, revolting and disgusting. Getting a literal bugs under skin feeling if someone tries to get to know them. Makes it impossible to have a lover and even friends often. Usually they are highly moral in a kind of virtue way, and in small talk just see admissions of guilt and statements that lower the small talkers character in their mind. It doesnt matter that the other person is "just talking" or "throwing stuff out there" they dont do that so they see it as a moral failing and worry about the person poisoning them by normalizing stuff that "isnt normal". Someones probably gonna be like what the fuarrrk are you talking about but I know at least 3 people like this all of whom are absolute pros at their field out of just this genuine complete obsessive interest, or what id describe as a "great". Took me literal years to befriend them, tolerating a lot of accusations and rudeness in the process with open arms. And many more than 3 just outright refused me rightly seeing me as petty and sneaky.

>>97332 >Women who are biologically like you are the only opportunity to make a new person like you. number one is why would i want to make another person who simply just shares my dna without actually being me (impossible task, unless you're delusional) and second.... women biologically like you? are you implicitly advocating for something else right now? >Having a kid of my kind means I (kind of) won't die. >Morality is bypassed. fuarrrks sake, this retarded delusion about "muh genetic immortality" so they can let life be somebody else's problem so they can be eased on the fact of their death in this unreal life look, can you guys simply just say "i just felt like it" next time, instead of this unneccesary rationalization of some pretentious "goal" you set for yourself? that is literally the only immutable point you have i understand that when i'm dead, i'm dead, and i don't build walls around it to make it more comfortable for my (supposedly poor) wellbeing

>>97340 Not that lainon but I have never understood this mindset of not caring about the continuation of life. It comes naturally when you have a child of your own, but I felt this way before my son was born. Your family must be really broken if you don't feel the almost supernatural connection to your own parents which is easily abstracted and applied to your own hypothetical children. Idk who hurt you lainon but this is what natural human behavior looks like. To speak against it is the pretentious rationalization, which is why normal people still act this way even if they buy into an ideology which says they shouldn't.

>>97345 >I have never understood this mindset of not caring about the continuation of life. apres moi, le deluge >this is what natural human behavior looks like unfortunately, but this is a naturalistic fallacy, this doesn't mean it's good >idk who hurt you fuarrrk off, i know you're not here to actually understand anything in the first place, you just felt called out and felt like replying to quell it

>>96870 I am a khhv and I don't see that changing anytime soon. Being alone can be a reasonable choice for those who lack the qualities that are needed in a relationship. It's true that humanity depends on sex for reproduction. Developed social entanglements like in a relationship may also tie someone to the order of a society. But human society does not know the "proper" ways of living. I don't see any shame in being a perverted otaku virgin. I'm going to enjoy what I can. That being said I'm not sure hating women or trying to cope as if you're discovering latent potential by eschewing them is the best rationale. Rather than bitterness treat them with equanimity.

>>97345 >IDK who hurt you I did. Not sorry. OK well maybe a little sorry but the little punk had it coming. I'd hurt you too in the same circumstances. In any case obviously you're literally your parents and your children.

>>96894 >one exception m8, there are a lot of people like John Bardeen in the aspect of being a family man. He's exceptional only in that he got two hunks of gold from Sweden. >>97308 exactly.

> I've had a few women who were interested since, but I either felt like I wasn't ready to be in a relationship or they were deceived into thinking I was somebody who I am not This reads like you were just depressed period, and you were warding off people because you thought you didn't deserve it or that you would hurt them. Speaking as someone married to a person with serious depression: you may hurt them, but it is their choice to stay or not. They are probably making that choice deliberately and knowingly. I feel like as I've gotten older I have gotten a lot more comfortable with women. In high school and college, I used to be terrified of anyone I found attractive, now I find it easy to talk to anyone if I'm in the right mood.

>>97352 I did sort of realize this in college after briefly being in a relationship but its significantly easier to talk to sex you are attracted to when you don't want something from their body. For everything incels cry and scream about its just that, and honestly there is a class of people I call incel-lites who are just normal people raised by divorced parents usually who are just as likely to be a women as a man who say soykaf like "oh the married effect once ur married suddenly all these women will try to chat up ur husband *eyeroll*". Im sure thats true of a select few with some cheating fetish but by in large its just that if you are married women can be (slightly more cause not always) assured you want to talk to them for them and aren't going to step on boundaries to try and fuarrrk. Even just in a relationship it means to others you arent lonely and desperate and they don't have to read into every interaction or thing they agree to as potentially you trying to make a move or hit on them or with some expectation of something they didnt actually agree to. Likewise on your end you aren't lonely and desperate, meaning the stakes are not nearly as high as when you are single. Even being just in a relationship once can do a lot for this (if it wasnt one of those "you arent allowed to talk to the opposite sex" relationships) because hopefully by then you will have had wonderful conversations with the opposite sex and realize they are a person and not something to have or obtain with your nerves shot to a billion to the point you cant even talk about yourself a little because you are thinking this is now or nothing. Generally in my experience I much prefer talking to women these days because while I think this wasnt always the case my male peers I grew up around often did want something even more negative than sex can be from other men which is for you to be like them or stoop to their level or validate them in any number of toxic spirals and worldviews that keep them in the gutter. You can be like "hey come on chill" if a girls being evil and she will or at least wont be evil around you. Guys will get mad you arent partaking and will berate you and go "ohh arent you mr perfect wow on your soapbox". At best a guy wants to be like you, and often will loudly and blunty profess that fact as if you can give it to them. Girls are often aware that if you want to embody something someone else is doing or like you cant just ask them for it like its something you can have and instead have to get to know them and how they think and how ths way they think about something is different from how you are and why they think differently. A guy will want to be like you and then when you give advice say "oh yeah yeah what I do is I do this" and launch into a shpeal about how they do a completely different thing, hoping you validate them, as if that validation means it will be passed on. The best men ive known and the ones i see myself as equally as close to as I do the women in my life have all been significantly to much much older. Approaching 40 at least, sometimes approaching 80. Often they have had to be a dad currently or at some point in their life. I hope this is just the way it goes and not because of something lost to modern under 30 man. I still think its somewhat gross but I can see why the current gen of 20 something girls talks about not wanting to date men their own age.

>>97338 Great post Lain, I've genuinely tussled with the thought that perhaps hookup culture in of itself is just horrific for everybody involved, since the pain it causes when people move on like trying a new piece of cheese on a cheeseboard causes the victim to also become just like that. The strongest relationships, and from henceforth the only ones I want are ones where it just my lover and I, who either have barely dated or not at all. It has no romance to it if not like that, and I think many have already destroyed their capacity to pairbond because of the normalisation and access that physically attractive people have.