Work, work, work

Next year I'm going to college, right now I'm on my second year of the phase in between high school and college, I don't know how it's called in English and it varies country to country. Anyways, I'm feeling horrible because I hate studying and right now that is suppoused to be the only thing I do. When I'm not doing it, I feel guilty. When I'm studying one subject, I feel guilty or anxious for not being studying the other ones. I feel bad for not passing that Philosophy test and when the teacher starts talking and says "...and there are some people here that still don't understand Plato..." I can't do anything but feel like utter soykaf, even if it is not directed at me or not only at me at least. All that even if I hate these subjects, I don't like Math, Physics, Philosophy... I don't care about some words written in some paper, I don't care how fast the particle does whatever or what some philosopher thought the origin of the world was, I really don't and I hate that this has to be all I care about right now. I feel like I have to become an empty shell that only studies and studies and studies. fuarrrk my hobbies, fuarrrk whatever I like, whatever I feel, fuarrrk all that, I gotta study. I have had to change my handwriting recently because one teacher doesn't like it and she is really a pain in the ass. That was one thing I liked about me, unique, I wrote in cursive I think is called and I liked it, most people too. But now, for the sake of legibility and bullshit I have to change it. That last piece of me gone, fuarrrking gone. The worst is that college is just the same bullshit and all to be in some soykaf office job I hate so I can pay the bills and keep repeating the cycle for what? I'd like to have some other job, maybe firefighter or cop or in the military, wouldn't be rotting on a desk or being a delivery guy at least. I think those would give me meaning, at least more than being some corporate ant, could make me a bit more respected between my family at least. I like history and I'd like to learn strategy two, the military seems to be the only way to do that if you don't want to be just some nerd who reads about what Napoleon did when he gets home after work. I want to be able to spend a whole day doing something I like without feeling guilty about it for not doing something I hate, I want to spend my life doing something I like or I believe in. I don't want to be like this, a prisoner in my own room practically. And I cannot be like others who just accept it so they can party on Friday, I'm not into parties. The only solution I can come up with is just becoming a robot who studies and doesn't think about it, just does. Honestly, is not the most motivating thing in the world and makes me want to give up completely on life if this is all there is to it. Of course, I don't want to just fuarrrk it all and go away because my parents would get really sad and my little brother could not manage it well. But I have a limit too, you know? Honestly, what the fuarrrk do I do?

The controllers of the world literally had Jesus put to death, don't let them guilt you. Why are you feeling guilty about avoiding things you hate that only further trap you in what you hate?

Take a gap-year then attend college at 100 percent williingness after gaining self-confidence

>>96370 if you do this, just be sure you aren't fuarrrking around rotting during the entire gap year because then you'll find it harder to go back to your studies

>>96360 Don't change your handwriting just because ONE teacher lady woman told you to do so. If I can give you one piece of advice, it's that most people in places of authority give the worst advice, especially teachers. Most of them aren't there to help you develop in the most bestest you, but work on trying to mold you into a form that THEY have been told is best for society.

See it as a phase that will pass. What is something you do care about? Can you build a career around it? If college is like school, you have made the wrong decisions. I loved my uni time, because I could learn things I was interested in all day surrounded by smart people. If you only do it to get a job, why not skip college and get a job directly?

Personally work work work is what Ive been doing lately and its great except that I have to work with people who tick me off. Today is like my day off so I took a break to work on my own business, not that I'm not doing work work too. Bwuwhaha. Quit doing office work its the bad stuff the rest of its fun. Good to be able to do white collar stuff but dont need to make it your whole life

>>96360 You know that many jobs require you to move around, right? Go work in construction, lift steel beams to build a bridge, operate or repair machinery, whatever. Go on an oil rig, join the air force or whatever, the world is your. I guarantee that the pay will be better than doing excel spreadsheets from 9 to 5.