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Alright so I don't know what I'm really looking for but I'm hoping I can find any help or something like that. I have a lot to say but I'll try to focus on main things, I'm a college student, I don't think I can really succeed in my field of study(CS) but I'm still going with it since it's the only interesting thing to me out of all the degrees, and honestly I never wanted to admit it and I'm not 100% sure but I'm probably not cut out for it, any how I can't be financially stable so I live with parents and they force me to go to college. I did very bad my first year, I have no idea what I want to do, but I draw, Love drawing but I'm not that great, I also love playing the piano, thought I'm not good, I usually just learn small pieces of songs to play over and over and I just make slow progress. anyhow I'm working retail to help pay for college, but it makes me very 'depressed'. I can't tell you how much I get sad walking to work everyday because I don't want to do it, on top of that I'm really bad at it. which brings to one last point, I'm not a smart guy, I have brain problems for lack of good vocabulary, pretty much can't remember stuff, I can't do a lot of basic math, I'm slow,very neurotic and sloppy. Help, I don't know what to do, I'm never gonna make this college stuff work, and I can't handle retail and any similar jobs and please spare me the "everyone has to do it", I hear it too often and I'm doing it but that doesn't mean its ok. I have no idea what I'm gonna do with this life but 1-2 years more of retail won't be ideal and probably lead into something common. fuarrrk I made this soykaf long anyways, well if anyone reads I'd be interested in hearing different opinions.

I haven't really any opinion or advice on that matter. But I am certain you are not alone with how you feel about it. I am surely able to relate to that on many levels. I am probably worse.

tell your parents you can't work and go to college at the same time, or you'll never get anywhere with either. It's probably true too.

If you want to increase your brainmeats, you could try nootropics, binaural beats, meditation, NLP, and brain training games. And there's tricks like speed reading, self-hypnotism and Memory Mansion. If you're just depressed, you could try St. John's wort, or maybe you're lacking in selenium, try eating some sunflower seeds. Or you try getting your endorphins from working out or running. If you like drawing, maybe draw a webcomic. Webcomics are all drawn like soykaf and written like soykaf so no matter how bad you are you won't stick out too much and you'll get practice in as you go, and if you can meet a deadline you'll be qualified to take commission, and that's where the money is. Also if you can keep a site up and running that feeds back into your CS. As far as piano goes, if you learn enough songs to make a set, you could grab a keyboard and busk. Busking is the musical equivalent of web comics, you don't need any qualifications, and you'll make a little money for your time while you get the practice to get better until you get actual gigs.

Can you elaborate on these brain problems of yours? What exact tasks give you trouble, and at what point in the process? You may be able to do something in a routine technical field like satellite TV/internet installer or any other basic installation process where you just follow a flowchart.