Guilt

In what ways can one manage their guilt? Lately it has been seriously debilitating to the point where most days SWIM doesn't even leave their bed, they just lay there and hate themself. They have mostly stopped eating and bathing. They can physically feel regret all over their body. They think it is literally killing them. When they were a teenager, they did some horrible things. Recently memories of those things have begun to eat away at their sanity, and they do not know how to absolve themself of the guilt. Some of the things they did were so vile they could never speak of them in real life, and even if they chose to, it would only hurt whomever they tell. They can confess to the internet, but it is doubtful that that will make them feel any better. They have tried to forgive themself for their actions those years ago, they have tried to move on, but the thoughts and feelings will not stop coming. They would do anything to take back what they did. Things they have done: Shoplifted Vandalized public property Cheated their way through school Constantly lied, manipulated, and gaslighted Abused trust for their own benefit Bullied online and in real life Used many drugs Posted images of their naked body on the internet for approval Let/made the family dog lick their private parts

you never change the past, but going forward, you can always stay away from those things, perhaps volunteer teaching people to not do them, if you are religious, confession of some sort may help. you can always try to repay others for what you did, though it will take immense effort if you can even face others. i would stray away from those telling you to just kys in shame. there are better ways to right your wrongs. you can donate money, or food, or time by volunteering, i dont know if any of that will help you change ,but it may help you find some resolution to your guilt

Nothing wrong with that, at least you've done something, escaped from routine and normality. I would just not approve the sex related things, only because I value self-control and hate any kind of hedonism. Anyway, to get away with the guilt, help people, be nice to them, volunteer, do as >>9345 said.

>>9346 >I would just not approve the sex related things Those are the ones that hurt the most, and getting over them feels impossible. If only those memories could just be purged.

they happened, the thing is you can either compartmentalize your memories, or you can accept and rationalize them.

>get enlightened >become Christ-conciousness >forgive [anything / anyself] >give purpose to existence it's not brainketry surgeocience.

>Compartmentalization is a subconscious psychological defense mechanism used to avoid cognitive dissonance, or the mental discomfort and anxiety caused by a person's having conflicting values, cognitions, emotions, beliefs, etc. within themselves. >Compartmentalization allows these conflicting ideas to co-exist by inhibiting direct or explicit acknowledgement and interaction between separate compartmentalized self states. just get multiple personalities bruh

>>9348 There have been many attempts to accept what was done and rationalize it by youthful confusion, but it feels no better. It all feels inescapable. Why can't these mistake be forgiven?

>>9344 You realize that the guilts helps to encourage you to not do it again. If instead it makes you do it more or makes you do nothing you are either not taking it to heart or taking too much of it. All I can tell you is that you WILL eventually learn how much guilt you need to keep away from danger to yourself and others, yet that will also not debilitate you. And you will learn to appreciate it just as much as you appreciate happiness or for some sadness.

I bullied one person ever, and was particularly cruel to one other person, and every time I think I'm free of it it sneaks back into my consciousness. At the time I felt aflicted, like I was striking back at them, but in retrospect it was completely my fault. I was an ass. When it comes back to me I used to find myself muttering to myself, "just kill yourself" over and over again. It's been like this for 15 years. In the past 3 months I've switched over to muttering "be friendly." So that seems positive. I think my guilt is more a product of anxiety and depression than the other way around. And exercise has helped with my depression, but nothing has helped with anxiety. Most days I don't think about it, but I'm not going to go to my 10 year high school reunion, as you could imagine.

>>9408 that being said, have you ever met a person devoid of sadism? Like, aren't we all assholes on a spectrum with 'bullying' potential, some of which blooms to school shooting inducing kind but most of them wither away as mostly harmless guilt trips. right?

>>9344 Friend I may have you beat! >had a dog fuarrrk him while using drugs >had unprotected sex while on drugs >tried to poison a kid who he just didnt like in elementary school >stole medication from grandparents >sexually harassed some girl in middle school >was a huge racist dumbass in high school >stole from friends >ignored/missed calls of upset friends to jerk off on adderall instead >failed all my classes ome semester wasting my mothers money and then almost tried to kms off alcohol and xanax >was rude to my mother >even though she constantly put money in my account worrying about me that I just spent on drugs >abandoned friends simply because a friend abandoned me and i wanted to know what it felt like to do it >cut myself while jacking off >fantasized about being raped by strangers on the street, male and female. >bullied people growing up >always had one friend id put down everyday for just being around me and yet they would stay because usually I was all they had. much much more. If I dont have you beat we are on the same level. and yet im often described as >kind >innocent >pure >funny and the only hints at those things above >secretive >sad >anxious/looks like im scared/looks like im struggling When we are a bad person others often see it, only I see it now because im the only one being hurt. Maybe im just whispering good thoughts in your ear but heres something I believe, only the worst people can be the best people. Someone who in themselves can understand sinking to these deep lows and yet still chooses to rise above it is no doubt a great person. And thats how I dont always feel so guilty I want to die, I learn from the guilt. The other day someone commented how they were impressed by my transition from a horrible person to one of the best people they know. Its uplifting. You know everyone wants to be better, even a fairly upstanding person has little things they want to change. When they see someone changing in leaps and bounds they can be inspired to change what in comparison seems small. When I have self doubt and think how many great people let themselves get assfucked by a dog after snorting stolen hydrocodone? I answer with only one!! Im only half joking here, you can rise above it friend. Dont let soykafty things define you.

>>9412 damn i really fuarrrked up the spoilers. i never use them and just tried cause you did OP to be honest