not sure where else to post this

i don't expect anyone to actually believe a good chunk of what i say here but i'm not exactly swimming in options. i first began to suspect i had dissociative identity disorder in my final two years of high school. there was an incident with a bully at the time and someone else in my head was livid that i didn't let him rip the guy apart. i was being berated at least once or twice a week and he kept trying to hijack the body constantly. the timeframe for this was between 2009-2010. after high school things got worse because we became an atheist and all that spite and hatred he stored up got directed at the religion we abandoned. so in response i started isolating a lot because i wasn't in control anymore. this went on until around 2017 i think, our sense of time is blurry and a lot of memories have been purged over the years. after 2017 everything began to flatline because the existential crisis brought on by nihilism reached a zenith. i was alone in my head again. then our parents had to move to another city and us being a disabled autist went with them. the move was in 2020 i think, and shortly after our final friend stopped speaking to us over political differences. we didn't want to rekindle that if he was willing to burn that bridge. instead out of desperation i went to discord to try to find people to talk to and one person kind of made it her mission to get me into voice chat. she succeeded but then one day our mannerisms shifted while talking in VC and that's the first time anyone besides us even mentioned DID. most of us didn't even think we were real until that moment. but since discord is a pressure cooker for pedos and extremists all our friends vanished. it's a long story that i don't want to get in to. but the real kicker is that after a very bad falling out over discord we accidentally discovered how to repress or reframe memories on demand when an alter snatched a memory from me and destroyed it. another alter undid this after that change caused problems (it was a deeply embedded memory) and then he figured out a way to do a similar process while keeping the raw information and disposing of recall triggers and emotional content. we wound up teaching this to friends and many of them started using these tools regularly. i'm not sure what i expect from posting this, but we're tired of being alone and the modern internet isn't designed to solve that problem. i'm not some impressionable teenager fresh from mental health tiktok, this condition has been with us for as long as we can remember, and the fact that we managed to export some of the tools we used to other people shows that we have some teeth after all.

we've been trying to expand our understanding of the mind mostly through observing how our mind works. it's very complicated and hard to express in a concise way. but based on what i've seen, people that can't visualize can't really grasp these concepts. if they can't even fathom a basic mind palace then how can they modify memories directly as if they were objects? i've wanted to try and find a way to externalize these tools using more physical methods. some primitive analogues we've seen include things like burning pictures of people you want to forget, or writing out a letter and burning it. but that's destructive and not as useful as the other method we discovered which can preserve the information continuity.

>>92449 I would say one of the big indicators that you may actually have DID is the internal conflict of bodily control. Instead of an inner monologue, you actually have full blown arguments with yourself? There are some factors that I would be interested in knowing about you, but you haven't really done much more than turn this thread into a personal blog post, and probably could have put it somewhere better. If you don't want to seek treatment, that's cool too, but you should stop reffering to yourself as we. You are you. You have many facets, but you are only one externalized person. Alternatively, go into entertainment and turn all of your alters into unique characters. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7001344/

spoiler: op imagined at least half of the story. after all he can modify his memory on demand. >snatched memories and destroyed them no memory injections yet? maybe thought injections? op if you're not trolling it's time to take the schizo pill and visit the therapist. NOT in that order!

>>92449 My verdict is you probably don't have DID, based on a lot of personal experience and knowledge. The concept of 'other voices' in the head is actually quite normal; not strictly common, but it is not an abnormal feeling that passionately driven thoughts, especially anger, and self-directed negativity feels like it's a 'different voice'. When I was a teenager with a lot of negative thoughts towards myself, I had this exact thing. Another thing is, you seem very conscious of it all. DID goes unrecognized easily precisely because the person has no awareness of it. I don't think you quite get how it works. The primary symptom is when you have blocks of time in the day (short-term memory) you cannot recall whatsoever. It's most clear if you experience people telling you that you said something or did something recently that you know you did not say or do. Especially during a stressful period, but not necessarily. Usually, people assume this is a medical problem at first. The fact that you remember slipping into another mannerism suggests it's not DID, precisely because you remember it. If it were DID, it would feel more like you just zoned out of consciousness and then come to later in the middle of something else. Be careful that you aren't seeking reasons to affirm that it is DID. Most people have an extraordinarily poor understanding of it. Even psychiatrists hardly understand it, after all, it's not long ago it was MPD, 'multiple personality disorder', which is a terribly inaccurate title. There's no shame in thinking you had something and it turns out otherwise. I thought I had autism for a long time, but I don't, and it was difficult to admit to myself that I desired the label. Water under the bridge now. You're fine OP, and don't need to worry. >>92459 >I would say one of the big indicators that you may actually have DID is the internal conflict of bodily control. He said this happened when he was angry at someone; of course anger makes you feel conflicted between two modes of action. This is part of common experience.

>>92461 the incidents where there was bodily control going on happened in direct conflict with what i wanted and what i was feeling. and this one voice isn't the only one, there are at least seven. they each have different quirks, for example one of them is a complete ass with very poor impulse control. granted i'm a nonfat-soykaf drinker sometimes but this guy has no limits on what he will joke about. then there are the mannerism shifts, the internal debates. also the alter that caused the problems in my twenties was able to be reasoned with once someone besides me acknowledged him. i know that tons of people fake this kind of thing for attention, but if i wanted attention i'd be posting somewhere more mainstream and hamming it up. instead i came here. based on what i've seen, i don't have full blown blackouts but i do rapidly forget what happened if another alter was doing things which is hell for skill retention. we do have internal communication, we can push images, sounds and even animated scenes to each other internally. this actually seems to take less energy than talking out loud. i know i don't fit the stereotypical mold, but i don't particularly care. i can't say for certain i've never had blackouts because i can't remember most of my life. if any of the so called "professionals" had figured out something else was going on besides just slapping the bipolar label on me then maybe we would have stabilized sooner. instead being able to exist with some degree of honest was the best thing that ever happened to us and that only happened thanks to internet friends.

>>92459 yes i've had full blown vicious arguments with a couple of these voices before. arguments that i tended to lose. i also isolated specifically because i couldn't completely prevent unwanted switching and i was tired of living with the fallout from those incidents. granted back then i was still in denial about what was going on, mostly because i didn't trust my own judgement. i was still stuck in the need for external validation and confirmation but like others have pointed out i don't fit the stereotypical mold which means having a "professional" speak to me would likely not result in a diagnosis.

>>92459 i understand that externally everyone can only see the unified person, this is why we don't use "we" in everyday life unless the person we are talking to knows about our condition, or we are anonymous. based on what i've seen, there is covert DID and overt DID. our system seems to be a kind of hybrid where we are aware of each other, can communicate internally but still switch when it's safe and we each have different mannerisms, likes, dislikes, skills and even strength levels. we've been trying to find a way to socialize again because we are working on a mental model that is essentially building an understanding of psychology from the ground up using observations from our own mindscape. like i said in the OP, we managed to teach basic memory reframing to at least five other people online and it works. it uses visualization and works by treating memories and concepts as objects you can modify. an alter learned how to do this by dissecting a memory to learn how it worked. once he cracked it open he found three main components inside the containment shell: emotional associations recall triggers and raw content the memories are chained together via connections which can form based on conceptual links, shared emotional charge, or even chronological links. these links can also be severed as well to isolate memories and concepts from energetic input from the rest of the greater web. i've tried to explain how this works to family but they just can't grasp it and i can't go into detail with most of them without revealing our condition which i don't want to do. most of our family can't even rotate an apple in their head let alone use what we've developed. we don't care about mass attention, we take this project seriously because understanding how our mindscape functions is our only hope of finding some way to thrive. that is our primary goal. we know one thing for certain though, we are only at our best when we can work together. we need to maintain the conditions that allow for that.

>>92470 Re-framing memories is a common concept in Cognitive behavioral therapy, memory experiments, and positive psychology studies. People have a need to look at the worst case scenario, because that causes one to err on the side of caution, especially in the face of existential threats in nature. In modern society, this usually just becomes adverse socialization and paranoia. Reframing the negatives into positives (it's not that bad because...) https://positivepsychology.com/cbt-cognitive-restructuring-cognitive-distortions/ There is also a version of memory reframing in which the nervous system is injected with an anesthetic while the patient is subjected to whatever trigger may induce a trauma response. The outcome is that the patient is desensitized to the emotional load, and can effectively handle the trigger. Once again, you may have different voices, but you are all just you/I as long as you have a well defined sense of self. If you want to try to adapt, loose all sense of your self and let your ego(s) go. In your case the sense of self is the sense of selves. Let all of that go, see through the illusions you have built within your own mind and free yourself of the veil of un-truth.

>>92466 I'm going to be honest, it sounds like you already made up your mind that it's DID. Did you come for a yes-man, or did you come for a legitimate point of view? I stand by everything I said; you don't sound like you have DID. >i know that tons of people fake this kind of thing for attention, but if i wanted attention i'd be posting somewhere more mainstream and hamming it up. Not necessarily true. Again, my thing with autism, it was never for attention from others because I kept it all to myself. Nonetheless I desired the label for some reason. This is a common thing happening with people now, it happened to me, are you sure it's not happening to you? >i know i don't fit the stereotypical mold, but i don't particularly care. It's not to do with the stereotypical mold, I am talking about something more clinical. The stereotypical mold you see on social media is a fabrication made by children anyway. >i don't have full blown blackouts >i can't say for certain i've never had blackouts because i can't remember most of my life. This is about short-term memory blackouts. If you are not aware of what appear to be short-term memory problems or the feeling of lost time, you do not have DID. It's not about recollecting periods of life either; I also (and most people!) do not remember very large chunks of their early life as they get older. That is normal. In case I am wrong which I really doubt; treatment is intensive cognitive-behavioral therapy to examine the root of the issue, which is generally some severely traumatic event(s) or upbringing you experience before the age of around five IIRC. It is not strictly necessary. As your life conditions and stress levels change, the symptoms can lessen on their own until they seem to disappear for a period of time. If this is bothering you and you are sure it's DID, consider how you can reduce the stressors in your life.