Anhedonia

Aah.. Sweet Anhedonia. You make me feel as if I am already deceased. You leave nothing in your wake Anhedonia, but a living corpse that has no compass. I sleep. I breathe. When I wake I sit catatonic for hours on end till I return to sleep. Sweetest Anhedonia why do you do this to me? I no longer feel. I no longer love. I no longer enjoy. What purpose does a higher power have in inflicting such pain onto us or is it just simply the will of the universe itself? It feels so pointless in the end. Yet I was created for some reason or another yet in the wake of my creation my entire life is wasted due to this illness and I have done nothing of value nor contributed nothing to society. I feel as if I am but a corpse with no soul to the point that death wouldn't even matter when I am already dead. Why?

Read Thomas Ligotti, read Schopenhauer. learn to suffer well. .

>>92183 you need to feel everything including pain to feel good my friend. you're blocking pain or sadness, and the result is that you have no reference with which to contrast light from dark. and so all is grey

>What purpose does a higher power have in inflicting such pain onto us or is it just simply the will of the universe itself? Let me explain where you were conditioned wrong and why I think Russians are correct in their world view. There is a very old meme going on, that reads as follows. American literature: I will die for freedom Bri'ish literature: I will die for honor. French literature: I will die for love. Russian literature: I will die. Life is a (mathematical) game of circumstances. Not only it doesn't promise you a fulfilling existence, but it doesn't even guarantee that you will have a chance against the Evil forces. Instead, most people die for things they don't consider worth dying for, never having discovered any meaning to their lives or even the reasons why it happened that way. You just happened to be on the painful side of the spectrum. Remember that a pawn never knows why it is being sacrificed. Accept your hollow fate, since you have been born a tool for the masters. There is nothing left but die. If you are reluctant to let go, drink the blue pill and enjoy the ride that never ends. But you can't get the blue pill because of mental illness, right? Well, you know your options.

Yea. I can't figure out if there's something wrong with society. Does it condition people to be predisposed to depression, or are the depressed people just expressing a normal genetic mutation which predisposes them to depression. I've come to a point where I'm actually curious if there's anything beyond death. Probably not, but sentient life is bizarre. The universe is strange and beyond comprehension. I look at my life and I don't want it. That's the only opinion that has not changed in the years that have gone by. I don't want this. I'd like my body to be consumed by animals. If they're hungry let them eat. Take in my body as nutrient for a something that wants to live. Not humans though. I've been in their company and I'm not impressed. The world has enough humans.

>>92183 You were not created with a purpose. You were not created to be happy. You were not created to suffer. You were created because two apes had sex. Only when you understand this can you be free.

>>92185 Read other people's ideas on what suffering is so I can further wallow in self pity and go nowhere fast? Yeah, no. I already went through that phase and poohpoohing life away isn;t a good use of anyone's time.

>>92186 Wow, I am moved by this post. You put it into such concise form. Go out and experience the world lainon. Go out and try, fail, succeed, you will definitely feel once more.

Orson Welles on Woody Allen: >I hate Woody Allen physically, I dislike that kind of man. He has the Chaplin Disease; that particular combination of arrogance and timidity sets my teeth on edge. >Like all people with timid personalities his arrogance is unlimited. Anybody who speaks quietly and shrivels up in company is unbelievably arrogant. >He acts shy, but he loves himself; a very tense situation. It's people like me who have to carry on and pretend to be modest. >To me, it's the most embarrassing thing in the world - a man who presents himself at his worst to get laughs, in order to free himself from his hang-ups. >Every thing he does on the screen is therapeutic.

>>92250 but what if those apes having sex were trying to do something through you. they gave you purpose, that is why you exist.

The people in control of the earth right now enjoy inflicting suffering upon others, and love shifting blame unto those they hurt and place burdens upon. They are the worst liars and perverts, they destroy people for their gain and amusement while claiming to heal and help them, they continually lie while claiming to be the source of truth and "facts". The purpose of a system is what it does.

>>92264 Why would you care what thoughts were flitting through the apes' minds while they were having sex?

>>92275 I'm not saying when they were having sex, but the post is like saying that a chair has no purpose. It does have a purpose! It was made to be sat upon! Likewise you no matter how materialist your perspective on life!

Jesus warned that after his death the prince of this world - the devil - would take power over the earth. The governments of all the world are all subservient to the father of all lies. That's why everything is so corrupt and backwards. John 14:30 “Hereafter I will not talk much with you: for the prince of this world cometh, and hath nothing in me.”

Just detach. Anhedonia needn't be a 'bad thing.' It instead can be the greatest freedom. The world is yours once you no longer have need of it to be.

>>92277 A chair has no innate purpose. A chair is used by a human to sit upon, used as a food source by a carpenter ant, and used as kindling by a fire. If one of them seems more "real" to you, it is because you are a human and not a carpenter ant or a fire. Likewise, many humans, including your parents, may have uses for you (labor, affection, companionship, etc.), but none of those are "your purpose" unless you adopt them for yourself.

>>92285 >a chair has no innate purpose insofar as it is a chair, its purpose is to be sat upon insofar as it is a wooden object, it can be food for ants or burnt, or whatever, but these are incidentals without bearing on its purpose the chair having the purpose of being sat upon is by definition- if you accept that something is a chair, then you accept that it has this inherent purpose. just because things that are chairs can be used in multiple ways does not eliminate their intended use-case. you are a human, therefore, by definition, you have the purpose of <doing what humans are supposed to do>. just because people will use you for sex, or food, or labor, has no bearing on what your purpose is. I leave <doing what humans are supposed to do> inherently vague since this will almost certainly be a massive point of contention between us, and I want to settle this point first. >but what about un-purposed objects like stones or carpenter ants carpenter ants are meant for carpenter anting stones are meant for being stones etc. etc. if this seems awkward linguistically, consider how much more awkward it is to insist that objects built to serve a purpose (e.g: hammers for hammering) actually lack any purpose at all

I think the thread is diverging too much from the topic of anhedonia. Anhedonia might make one feel like they're lacking a purpose, but the nature of purpose isn't the main topic. What some don't appreciate is that anhedonia is crippling. If everything no longer matters because they're all equivocal then one does not become free of a a constraint, but becomes paralysed by the now sameness of everything. To put it clearly: anhedonia is a reduction of motivation, wanting, and liking. The drivers of human action. The pilot is missing and the ship is not free from a dictator, but drifts listlessly in any direction. Evently shmashing into something catastrophically. I've personally found 'stimulants' like serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors mixed with a cannabis tincture to be invigorating. I go from a catatonic husk of a human with no wants, where even speaking feels like an excruicated effort, to someone who can plan and act on that plan with gusto. My internal mechanism that retards speech is temporarily lifted. I can speak without it being scrutinized via filters I do not want. I feel like a human, with all that entails, but I do feel alive. The effect is so dramatic it's become a concern. I'd like to sress that drugs are not a replacement for a healthy environment. It's my belief that any unhealthy environment creates psychological stress, which if maintained for long enough creates maladapted brain structures. Once morphed by these exogenous forces the removal of that afflicting envrionment becomes inconsequential in that the brain's structure will not rewire itself even when placed in an acomodating environment--a healthy environment so to say. At this point drugs may be appropriate therapy, but again, not a replacement for a good environment. The positive effects I experience under my concoction are only temporary and I do revert to that nearly catatonic state of prior, which I would describe as my normal. That normal state has spanned decades. My recent forray into drug therapy has been under the guidance and supervision of doctors and has been a last resort for me. I had abstained from alcohol, nicotine and illicit drug consumption, not even having started. I'm a clean slate in that regard. I'm confidant my present condition is a result of an exogenous hostile-environment that has shapped it over decades. It is not the result of prior substance abuse. If you've been afflicted by anhedonia and found a way of acheiving temporary reprieve I'd like to read your methods.

>>92296 >If everything no longer matters because they're all equivocal then one does not become free of a a constraint, but becomes paralysed by the now sameness of everything this is only the case if your only motive is pleasure. if you are motivated by other things (which you are, unless you are a pure hedonist), then this is not a problem. Still more pleasant to live life with some pleasure but situation not as extreme as you make it out. >Nature of purpose isn't the main topic. fair, but its always useful to stabilize what we mean >I'd like to sress that drugs are not a replacement for a healthy environment. there are a lot of value judgements in this paragraph that I do not really understand the basis for/relevance to topic. Why does changing brain structure (or not) matter exactly? Is your problem, in your humble opinion, more that you lack pleasure or just that you lack motivation ? I think you blur the lines too much. Viewing the world through a hedonist frame makes no sense if you are no hedonist! no wonder you feel pointless haha

>What purpose does a higher power have in inflicting such pain onto us The answer is: the higher power wishes to see whether it will make you reproduce.

>>92183 > You make me feel as if I am already deceased. It's quite painful when you get to the point that you don't even feel anything at a point, you know the feeling? being a living husk and and inside an echo chamber that processes the information of the world around it and only outputs indifference and a deep sunken misery, the universe isn't conscious and our existence is given to causality, in a search for happiness the main objective is to find something you love and respect, happiness is the light that a beacon casts upon you and your mind, the light itself is something you love so much that makes it so the world around you is worth living and not miserable, it lets you feel your feelings which is crucial for a fulfilling life even if those feelings are sadness, it's best to be blue rather than gray, if you ask me it's been a while since I felt my feelings right, I only feel when i'm not sober, feelings are light that illuminates you, they give you color and make you so you can stand out in the nothingness of your mind, some only need light doses of happiness, it's called comfort, knowing that everything is or somewhat is in it's right place, normalcy is enough for some, having some friends and a love interest, company can create normalcy since your mind is distracted and sometimes entertained by the company of others, why think inside of the inside of yourself when you can be busy creating bonds with other people, souls bonding and making the sight of this world blurry, why would anybody want to gaze upon this world, it's so horrifying and uncaring in the deep down parts, it's strange when you are also uncaring of it, living in the gray, sad and horrified deep down but unable to feel your feelings, I wish I was able to feel my feelings again but it's very hard when you're too tired and lonely in frailty. I like your thread, it was a nice opportunity to communicate my thoughts with what possibly can be someone

You gotta understand, this isn't some kind of punishment, it's a fact of how you choose to live. In your own post I think you've found the answer to your own question quite simply. >>I have done nothing of value nor contributed nothing to society You view this as a consequence of your own condition, I'd wager it's the cause, or at least another thing that sends you down the anhedonian spiral. Go out and make something, even something simple. Give something to someone. Make someones day, make a part of the world, and one day you'll feel happiness again. Maybe not immediately, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually. Also sometimes going to a doctor to get it checked out isn't bad, sometimes this soykaf is just some fuarrrked tumor or brain problem they can fix or some other neurological thing.

transcendence requires self-dissolution = god hates us all

>>92264 It's the meaning the two apes gave. Not the meaning the resulting ape has