Physical Appearance

How do you deal with being ugly? The genes that I've inherited are undesirable genes, they make you ugly. It's the reason why I spend all my time on the computer. My ugliness makes me nervous when I meet other people besides my family. So, it has the unfortunate effect of making me look like a weak human. Humans like strong, positive, happy go lucky humans. All my troubles stems from my ugliness. The reason I isolated myself in my bedroom, the reason I have no friends, the reason I am failure in basically everything I have attempted doing is because I have a very low self esteem that comes from my ugliness. I've fallen so far down the hole that it has become very difficult for me to climb back up. As I get older it'll only get worse. I honestly don't know what to do anymore about that. I'm just programming in the hopes of making some money so that I can live comfortably alone. That is my only goal in life and if I fail at that then I have reached the bottom.

>>9183 just stop caring, remove all mirrors, and just live on your life. you are still just a random stem, and your life is what you will make of it. surely do not get stressed about it. I am fatass and have micropenis, but somehow live on and have some social life, though it also through the fact I go to university. If you want to have some bigger talk you can email me there: zx@goat.si, as I am also amateur psychoanalyst .

Sadly, appearance is pretty important for social stuff in this reality. Here's what you can do about it: - stop giving an absolute fuarrrk and I mean it - go to the gym, take care of your skin, etc and max out every aspect of your body - plastic surgery! but try to keep it minor or, if it's something drastic, do it in a very very good place (you'll need money, lots)

what the other two anons said. yes, appearances are important, but i can't imagine you're that ugly. most of the time the issues can be fixed. - bad skin? salicylic acid + benzoyl peroxide (2.5%) for acne. worst case scenario try accutane. also learn to shave properly, eat well, and drink lots of water (you're only as healthy as you feel) - chubby? work out. exercise will help your state of mind too. invest in a home gym asap if you don't wanna join a local one. healthy body healthy mind. - bad teeth? see an orthodontist. - also don't forget to take care of your hair. i'm certain this should fix 85% of all your problems (provided you're not an absolute goblin which i doubt) but dude, honestly, ugliness mostly just detriments your first impressions on people. if you're in an environment where people are forced to be around you repeatedly (uni/work), then provided you're a friendly and fun person to be with, people just stop giving a soykaf about how you look. trust me.

A combination of good hygiene, a beard and physical training is really all you need.

Lift.i

It is very hard to look ugly if you are /fit/. Even less that stellar bone structure can look good if you have very little body fat on your face. More importantly, beauty standards vary a lot over the world. If you're white, consider moving to Asia. Even ugly white men are considered good looking over there, especially if you are blonde and/or blue eyed. Finally, confidence plays a big role in people's perceptions of you. The great thing about confidence is there is no difference between pretending to be confident and actually being confident. If you just pretend like you're the coolest person in the world, then you will actually be cool. Plenty of successful people are actually ugly, but through a combination of what I have just mentioned, plus good fashion and a flattering haircut, they can break through.

Ugly here Really uggo I deal with it by accepting it I know when someone is nice to me, they want something. I don't kid myself into thinking they are attracted to me. And that is always right, they want something, they don't even try to hide it. They think that by interacting with me, they are earning some favor because I'm ugly. Here's where being ugly is good though. People seeking your attention sap your mind. If you're Chad, out banging Stacies 24/7, you have no time to plant persistent backdoors in high value targets. You've not even had time to learn how to do that. Like Lain, she was odd, nobody really wanted to hang out with her. So she becomes genius, god. You have time and no distractions, so do that. Ever hear how people with high IQ have fewer offspring? It's because they're ugly. Ugly -> no distractions -> free time to acquire knowledge and no better options -> high IQ That's how I deal with it. I make the most of it. I see other comments telling you how to improve your appearance. They're fighting it, swimming upstream. Leave them behind. Turn around. Swim the other way. Accept who you are, even though it's not who you think you want to be yet.

It's pretty easy to be ugly the less and less you take care of your self. If you stay in decent shape, clean your skin well, and keep a decent hair-cut it's rarely ever that bad. Even if you aren't great looking, seriously taking care of your self as you should will change how you look in the mirror completely, it's a huge difference.

>>9212 >playing the time card Oh fuarrrk off , exercizing takes literally minimum effort and time.

Thread is full of good advices.. Keep a good hygiene make sure you dont smell like sweat and dont have a bad breath. Find the facial hair and haircut that look best on you. If you are chubby or fat work out quite a bit and always wear clothes that advantage you. Other than that stop caring so much, it's fuarrrking up your serotonin and keeping you from being a top lobster. If you know how to be moderately witty and not obnoxious you'll make friends and eventually maybe a girlfriend. My social tips would be : -Not to whine too much / always be negative -Express the most intelligent things you say and be up to discuss it and argue for it and accept the otherside arguments IF they are being rational too, otherwise just drop it -If things are less serious you can throw jokes and talksoykaf -Ask questions, try to find common interests or at least what the other person is interested in -Some bitches might try to keep you low-status but ignore them, if you get emotionals from their bullsoykaf they basically accomplished what they tried to do -Dont reveal what you dont need to, especially to new people you dont trust So that's pretty much it, if you keep your uglyness to its minimum, dont stink and develop social skill, your physical apparence wont hinder you as much as you think. Work on what you can and ignore the rest

Just don't care. Simple to say, but perhaps more difficult to do. But really, you should only focus on yourself, and your true self at that. Don't get caught up in the false reality that normal people create. It is surface level and meaningless. Caring about how you look is essentially just submitting to the 'NPC' types, as you are a slave to the rules they set for you. But you don't have to be. Nobody would care about looks if they were never around people who told them otherwise. Though, I do think you should also note that perhaps your looks are not entirely the result of your genes. People today are often deformed due to poor nutrition from plant based diets and a lifestyle that is too soft. All humans I think, are meant to be robust looking, if not actually attractive, which shouldn't make you ugly at all. But nowadays people don't eat bones, organs, marrow, all the things that are necessary for building a robust face the same way our anatomically modern ancestors did.

idk I think this is an overrated thought that just makes you sad. if you dress nice enough especially in ways that compliments you people will take your ugliness as uniqueness. in fact your ugliness may just be because you don't have the right hair, clothes, etc. to match. Even some piercings or glasses can totally change the dynamic of your face, if you actually compare what sets a pretty person apart from an ugly person its less than inches in certain facial features. past that once youve done that its out of your control and when things are out of your control its a good thing. it means there's nothing to do about it and so whenever you get that thought in your head just go "can't change that". Eventually itl be natural. I started doing that long ago only to find out I wasn't that ugly anyways and just the security the thought was giving me was allowing me to show myself off more. I certainly was ugly at one point though. Yeah though I just don't like it, I understand what your saying and il trust you that yeah you are ugly in societies eyes perhaps. Have you ever looked at Gucci's models though and soykaf, by regular standards those are some ugly skeleton looking motherfuckers. People are getting bored with the old standards, I certainly am. People laugh at those people online who look ugly and hold up signs like "i am beautiful" but I hope you aren't like that OP because if you stopped judging others so much you'd stop judging yourself. Why are you hiding anyways, that's not fair and stupid. If society rejected you because of your religious beliefs and you were some zealot im sure you would stand by them proudly anyways in the face of society because you know you are right. You should feel as right about your body, you know this to be your form and your form is true. Id be surprised if you are the target probably more someone caught in the crossfire, but you have to understand the power of beauty and that yes truly society does not determine beauty. A certain kind of beauty is pushed by those with power, perhaps because they simply find it pretty or perhaps because they know making certain types of people to be ugly is the best way to invalidate them. maybe you never listened when someone told you that beauty is subjective and thought it was just some kind of not real thing meant to make everyone feel good. it is real, it doesn't feel real because the experience of beauty itself is universal. We all share in the same experience of beauty, so its easy to think what is beautiful is also universal but it isn't. In fact il personally attest there is nothing genetic about it, perhaps something genetic to sexual attraction but lets not confuse this with beauty. its not easy exactly, the nature of the beauty experience being universal means people get angry when an object of beauty is not shared. likewise particularly demented people get angry when something they see as not beautiful claims it is in fact beautiful and then they want to tear it down. these people have problems and god complexes so don't worry about it. do you know how fuarrrking dumb you will feel if you spend your entire life hiding because your form isnt generally accepted at the moment. If the afterlife is determined by our regrets and personal peace/satisfaction your gonna be stuck in hell world. Conversely do you think you will ever think "gee I wish i actually did hide forever i probably offended so many peoples eyes with my body". It's also a fact which I've avoided saying till now that someone will find you attractive or value your brain enough to where it compensates. It would make more sense for you to hide and be low key if you were stereo typically attractive because people would just flock to you without you doing anything. Imagine that, loads of people wanting to be around you and potentially none of them are similar to you at all and just want you around as a pretty trophy. It can be more lonely than no one, because you realize the cure isn't as simple as people.

most people don't care that you're ugly. If you make up for it in personality people will even look past it when considering you romantically.

>>10409 This has never been true for me. I think you are not as ugly as you think you are. Maybe you're right though. Maybe I have more wrong with me than being ugly. I believe my personality may be broken as well. My life had been going okay lately, but a few changes happened recently to bring me back down to reality. I have no friends now, but if I'm honest with myself I did not have friends before either. I've been deluding myself. I have confused "tolerates my existence" with "likes me" so many times, I wonder how I continue making this mistake.

>>10413 I think this falls under the trend called virtue signaling. People who want to score virtue points will pretend to like you. They don't care that they are leading you on. They want to appear compassionate to the poor ugly person among their other virtue signaling friends. It somehow raises their status and that is what they really care about. Then you try to move the relationship beyond something shallow and they pull the rug out from under you. Then you get upset and they call you an angry incel. It's all very dishonest and cruel.

>>10413 I know I'm somewhat attractive. I'm talking about how people around me(including myself) react to ugly people. If you have no friends it's purely because of your personality, I'm sorry, but nobody except the bitchiest bitch avoids hanging out with someone just because they're ugly. Do you want to be friends with the bitchiest bitch? If you mean wrt romantic shizzle, yes, beautiful people don't generally fall in love with ugly people. But I've met really ugly guys who are with decently pretty women, and they're not even rich. How? By being kind, smart, funny, and outgoing. By not letting their appearance define them. It does happen. >I have confused "tolerates my existence" with "likes me" so many times, I wonder how I continue making this mistake. I have mixed that up as well, usually in the opposite direction. It's really hard to tell when someone is just showing baseline politeness or actually likes you. I for instance, will not show baseline politeness to anybody, even people I like.

>>10417 thinking this is a common thing you should actually be looking out for is common of a mentality of someone who is insecure and would also falsely believe being ugly is why no one likes them when really it's the insecurity itself.

>>10418 I think you underestimate the disadvantage of being ugly. It's not just bitchiest bitches. It's job interviews. It's every first impression. When you're ugly, it rules everything around you. I don't think I really even want a relationship anymore. Why repeat the ugly cycle for whatever children I produce? Despite pic, I do appreciate your viewpoint. I think it's like when I look back at my old pictures. Before puberty, I knew I was ugly, but compared to my adult self, I was much better looking then. I'm sure I will think the same when I'm old, grey, and wrinkled and look back at my young adult pictures. I'll say, "I didn't look so bad. Why did everyone treat me so poorly?" But that doesn't change anything. It seems less bad when you look at it from the outside.

>>10422 >When you're ugly, it rules everything around you. This is a toxic viewpoint to have. You're looking for a scapegoat for all your problems, but real life is so much more complicated than "sexy people succeed, ugly people don't". There are successful actors whose entire career is built around their ugliness. Sure there's a correlation but it's in no way deterministic. When you believe it, though, it does become deterministic. I can't tell you the number of times I've sabotaged myself because I think I won't succeed.

>>10442 It sounds like what you're trying to say is... be more confident bro

I obsess over it, its not a manly thing to care about, it used to be were I couldn’t care less about. I would even like how i looked, every year is another year that im a pathetic male virgin, i feel hideous, if I wasn’t hideous this wouldn’t be the case, [spoiler][/spoiler]

Haven't posted here in awhile but here's some concrete advice from someone surviving in a very looks-oriented country. First off, looks do matter. It's ingrained into human subconscious after all. But it isn't about being the best looking person in the room, it's about being presentable enough to be regarded as a decent functioning human being, that's all. One can definitely go further but that takes lots of experience and practice, so while you're trying out new things and learning, being presentable should be the very least that you should be aspiring for. >hair Most important thing in this list. You should try to find a haircut/color that matches your skintone and your general face shape. If you have a deformed head(ie. flat asian face, big ass forehead/nose/chin, horseface etc), your hairstyle should be shaped in such a way that covers up those bad traits and makes it look like a normal head. >skin 2nd important thing. Just go to a dermatologist and do what she tells you to. >sleep Always sleep before 1am. >makeup(yes for men too) For women it's a must, but it can work for men too. Just some concealer on your face can work wonders. >facial shape If some of your facial features are too deformed, plastic surgery is always an option. Also, Small improvements like botox/fillers/liftings(which are mostly just shots from a syringe) are quite safe and cheap while still being very effective. Hats and glasses can also help here as well. >physique If you're fat, lose weight. If you're skinny, gain some. A sedentary lifestyle can also disrupt your bloodflow and metabolism, making you look gaunt or unhealthy. It's best if you go out every once in awhile. >fashion Learn which colors go well with each other(color wheel, charts etc) and which sizes fit your physique. And try not to go too overboard with what you wear and when you do, always try to keep it at a minimum. >mannerisms It's best to be known as the quiet kid rather than the weird kid. If you don't have the social experience(you need to be real with yourself here), just keep your mouth shut. Anyways read through and listen to some advice from a random lain who's been through the same things you're dealing with.

>>10453 yes, be more confident. More importantly stop making life two-dimensional, it's a delusion. There's no easy answers, and that includes the questions where you oh so desperately want the answer to be "well you're fuarrrked".

>>9183 You just gotta be yourself bro.

>>9183 The great secret is, you don't have to be beautiful to be sexy. Ugliness is not matelessness.

>>10466 I think there is a lot of bad advice here. >hair, most important thing in this list >find a hair color that matches your skintone Completely irrelevant. The color of your hair has almost nothing to do with how attractive you are, just stick with what you have. Having a haircut that fits you is ok, but I wouldn't overthink it as long as it looks like you wash it and it doesn't look completely off. I find the idea that "hair is the most important thing in this list" ridiculous. >skin, just go to a dermatologist and do what she tells you to. If you don't have bad acne or similar medical condition, there is no need to think about skin too much. You'll get much further with proper hygiene, healthy diet and some kind of physical exercise (no need for anything crazy). All of that will contribute to a much more balanced overall physique and appearance, including healthy skin. >always sleep before 1am It's OK to have sleep deprivation and stress every now and then, just make sure it doesn't become a habit. If it does, try to get your soykaf together or if that's impossible, it might be a good idea to seek help. >makeup(yes for men too) >For women it's a must, but it can work for men too. Just some concealer on your face can work wonders. Makeup is definitely not a must for women, it is simply personal preference. I prefer women with very little or no makeup at all. For men, I think this is catastrophic advice. If you really are ugly, makeup won't be able to hide it. You'll just reveal that you are insecure and lack confidence in the way you look, that won't make you attractive to anyone. If you are a man and find yourself focusing on your skin and makeup in your daily life in hopes of becoming more attractive, you are seriously wasting your time. No-one cares about how your skin looks, you're much better off developing your social skills, self-esteem, confidence etc. If you have even a little bit of these attributes, people become very forgiving about your looks. >plastic surgery, botox/fillers/liftings, hats and glasses At this point I'm just laughing. No, just don't. If you are ugly, in the real sense of the word, plastic surgery will do absolutely nothing. You'll still be ugly, now with some small adjustments, how exciting. >If you don't have the social experience(you need to be real with yourself here), just keep your mouth shut. How are you going to get that social experience if you avoid interacting with people? I personally like to observe from the side a lot but it's also important to talk to other people, that will help you understand them, build self-esteem and all that stuff that's actually important in being attractive.

>>10630 I completely agree. Also I strongly encourage you to take a look at The Definitive Book of Body Language by Allen and Barbra Pease. This book will help give you some confidence to get out there and is invaluable in general. Please note that pdfs of this book can be easily found online if you do a little searching

>>10633 Thank you, I should probably check that book out. I think people focus way too much on the superficial aspects of attractiveness and completely disregard the psychology that goes with it. Something like good posture, calmness and passion towards something, even if your looks are lower than average, will make you significantly more desirable friend/partner especially in the long term. People who feel like their ugliness is stopping them from achieving meaningful relationships or other goals in life should first focus on what is between their ears, not their haircut.

>>10636 C O P E no amount of posture, calmness and passion can replace a few mm of missing bone, picture related

>>10638 True, but you're far better off being an ugly abomination with charisma and ambition than a self-hating defeatist loser of any kind. People will notice you for your looks first, but if you are around them for long periods of time, your appearance becomes less and less important and they will notice you for the kind of person you are. The thing is, no matter how good your facial structure is, if you don't have self-respect no-one will ever find you attractive in the long term. And if these people on image boards really are as ugly as they claim to be and have absolutely no hope (which I doubt), they are much better off not giving a soykaf and focusing on what they are passionate about, rather than having a plastic surgery and wearing makeup. So, regardless of your situation, you're always better off building your own abilities rather than drowning in self pity. I myself went through some rough years as a teenager, where I felt extremely ugly because of a certain part of my face (you could say that I developed BDD to some extent). I was told by many people over the years that I look weird or funny because of it, or worse. And yeah, I think they are right in some sense but I've still had a lot of girls who have been very attracted to me, partly because they paid attention to other parts of my face that they do find attractive (something I may not have realized because of my anxious, neurotic self hatred), or they were forgiving about it because of my persona. Either way, I think it's good to understand that your own perception can be very different from the way others perceive you. And about that pic, that jaw could be altered with HGH or a thick beard. Or you could just not give a fuarrrk and live your life. Your choice.

>>10638 Yeah, but you could just get an implant for that. And besides, there are women who will settle, regardless of what incels say.

>>10422 Blackops2cel would look much better if he had proper hair. soykaf hair goes a long way to make you ugly.

>>9184 This type of individualist thinking is a meme. The debilitating consequences of ugliness are external and very much real - search for the halo effect, which you apparently haven't heard of yet. Any negative effects on the psyche are justified reactions of negative treatment you experience in the real world. Psychoanalysis is fine for mental issues, but for ugliness it's cope.

>>11021 "justified". What a silly term. It's also silly to throw yourself into depression simply because you don't want to cope. Negative things you can't control are part of the human condition. Coping with them is part of life. If you don't want to live life, and you'd rather just sit around and feel sorry for yourself, for the love of god stop complaining about it to the people who do want to cope and go on living life. We have better things to do than listen to some sad sack moan about things we all have to deal with like they're unique problems that we don't *really* understand. WE DO UNDERSTAND. Incel-ism is fundamentally narcissistic. Focusing on your own perceived ugliness when the world contains so much beauty. Mocking people who have a positive outlook like it makes you better than them. You are nothing and nobody, never forget that. Let it make you free.

>>11023 >dude vaguely nihilistic platitudes lmao I am living my life, genius. Part of that is understanding my ugliness. Which is not some incorrect mental state to be fixed away by a therapist. It's a real and inescapable thing which will be with me for as long as I live. Any attempt to deny its existence - that is, the existence both of ugliness and of the effects of said ugliness - is literal delusion. That's not a viable or healthy way to live.

It doesn't trouble me really, I'm so forgetful I tend to forget if I look horrible or not, even though I do most of the time. Never been lonely due to art either, and really anyone who bases their whole respect for someone based on their looks is someone I refuse to respect regardless

>>9183 Maybe you’re not as ugly as you think anon, I struggled with self image for a long time and during this time period I thought I was hideous. But I went to the therapist I started making progress on my depression and anxiety went out and made some friends. I now have a fairly large social group and even have been experiencing these craxy things called sex and relationships. I think extremely few people are genuinely irredeemably ugly and chances are even the unattractive features you possess are things that can be improved on by going to the gym and eating healthier. You’re gonna make it anon I believe in you.

>>9183 >very low self esteem that comes from my ugliness >very low self esteem you believe it's game over cause you ugly and act like it. Change that internalized monologue and you are good I.E. Potential friends don't want to fuarrrk you so why care how you look? Your value is what you can provide as a friend. If you are a morbidly obese that's an issue cause we can't take you play sports then but looks? literally irrelevant.

Another uggo here, I second every word you wrote and I know how hard it is for you to keep on living like this, but just try to see the issue from a different standpoint. Ugliness rendered you conscious about yourself and other people. You probably wouldn't be this much self-aware if you were a good-looking person. We all have some physical shortcomings and there's not much we can do about them. The only thing we can do is to accept ourselves as we are.

>>12144

>>10466 > just keep your mouth shut kek this is pretty solid advice. Stoicism is even seen as a positive trait in western culture. On the other hand displaying too much emotion at a sufficiently inappropriate time is seen as weakness.

this is a very frustrating question. how many people have to say dont let it hold you back for you to accept they might be right? the answer is none, you wont ever believe that until the time comes sadly. i could sit here and express to you the ways you gain nothing from keeping quiet and avoiding people because YOU (unquestionably undoubtedly it is you) think you are ugly , and yet you could just dismiss me as not understanding or that I must be somewhat attractive. yes I am, and its because I think I am. thats the only difference. and yet even if a hundred people tell you this you will think your experience of being ugly is different somehow and what people are saying isnt relevant. Its like trying to tell somebody they will get over their first love and they try to point out small things that seem very significant to them as reasons why they will never get over it. Its very very frustrating because there truly is nothing you can tell them as with you in this thread who think you are too ugly to deserve basic human methods of freedom and expression. You will either die silently and ugly or experience or do something that finally lets you let go of this mental wall and once your past it youl look back and realize how stupid this all was. but its not that stupid in the end, everyone goes through it i guess. it is frustrating though.

>>10392 >a girl This is the flaw in your advice. I don't want a girl. I want the girl. Even ugly guys can settle for fat Becky. There's that one girl, you know who she is. Once your heart is set on her, no other girls matter. You either got your Stacie, or you didn't. Being ugly, I didn't. Lots of guys wanted her. I never had a chance in the first place. And once finally over her, there's always another. She's special. Romance, fate, written in the stars. She's the only one. She's not interested. She's never interested. Over and over and over.

>>12963 yes I know what your talking about but I dismiss it as an overly romantic childhood fantasy and it pretty soon fades. If it cant happen it just cant happen in my mind, "if only I wasnt ugly" isnt a question because they dont love me how I love them so its time to move on. im not trying to talk down just telling you how I stopped being in that mindset. Some people never find someone they love, many people feeling pressured especially older generations "settled". Your parents might have "settled". If you dont want to be a part of that tradition you have to accept you may never have that someone. You can have short term relationships on the side if you like, many people do this and thus "settling" isnt an issue because they dont see it as a permanent thing and can vocalize that.

>>12963 You know this is a problem even when youre not ugly right?

>>12963 People tend to grow out of this mindset once they've been around the block once or twice. Real people are actually better than idealized people.

>>12966 >settle This approach has always sounded to me like >live a life of regret >devote yourself to someone you never wanted If I think about it too long, it makes me want to die. Song related https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=va9HxF86KHY >>12968 It's a numbers game. If you're an attractive person, you at least have a chance. Being ugly means multiply your chance by 0 every time. The answer is always 0. >>12969 Beautiful people are real people. This is like saying the guy in the Ferrari is compensating for small penis. They're real people too, but they also have an extraordinary advantages being attractive.

>>12975 me too (first response). Thats why im saying dont, we are in a weird social transitionary period so of course its gonna suck and be tough to not have this semi dying thing of everlasting mutual unconditional romantic love. And also no guarantee you wont have it, just dont count on it in the same way you might not count on being rich. I kind of think that idealistic relationship will slowly become like the american dream, where people sort of slowly go "wait this isnt something everyone gets to have at all" and realization that many of these supposedly ideal relationships they looked at were done so forcefully because thats what you were "supposed" to have. It is like kicking dead whales down the beach but one day it will just be another one of those dreams you can strive for but certainly isnt something to wait on or always occupy yourself with. I like to think if someone poured acid on my face, id be devestated, but I could learn to devote my life to something where apperance doesnt matter and die knowing I did the best I could. theres enough stories of happy ugly and disfigured people I would feel obligated to at least recognize it as a possibility and certainly a better one then obsessing. Its not that easy I know, im just saying consider that with time your brain will figure something out.

>>12980 >live a life of regret >live a life rejected alone >kys I need another option. These suck.

Despite what people say ugly is very subjective. There are alot of people on the planet and one of the ways to become more attractive in the eyes of others is become more confident in yourself. Once you learn to appreciate yourself and love yourself for you are you will start to be appear more attractive to others. It's all in your head.

>>12982 live a life of regret get smashed on drugs and learn to close the world and open the next

after years of deep and bitter frustration the only thing that's helped me is eschewing the concept of conventional beauty by seeing the contradictions in it to other strong moral convictions i have. i started understanding conventional beauty as only useful to corporations selling products and services to a captive audience of people who are persistently miserable from having attractiveness informed by capitalism. marriage is a repellent concept to me because i see it as a form of state/religious control of morals and freedoms. dating for me has become repellent because quite honestly i satisfy myself much better than any partner can, in my estimation, satisfy me. having children is not a consideration for me because i consider it immoral and cruel to raise children on a drowning planet for the vain reasons most people have children. between these things i feel like ive been liberated from what used to be a crushing, persistent ache of being ugly and short. i also have a decent support network of similarly minded acquaintances and friends online who are not conventionally beautiful (fat, ugly, short, disabled, dark skinned, queer) and think similarly. they aren't toxic people who blame women or some political faction for culturally enforcing conventional beauty. instead of stewing in resentment at these surface symptoms, we come to terms with the fact that conventional beauty is enforced by the root causes of why the world is a soykafpile, imperialism and the capitalism that drives it. that's just my experience. ugly people who badly want to fit in to a capitalist status quo that they were promised all their life growing up and can't break themselves of yearning for it... i don't really know how they can get out of the horrible mental feedback loop. it feels to me like its impossible without identifying these root causes of more generalized misery.

I think my appearance (skin/weight) has been the same for at least 5 years now. No one flirted with me, or even came up to talk to me. 3 years ago I decided to be more social, and flirting started happening to me(I was totally confused at the start, I thought it was mockery), also started to get more acquaintances. Some months ago I gave a good try at taking care of my appearance and it really did help -- wearing some light makeup to cover up bad skin ( to cover up pores/red spots/scarred skin; some of these come with sunscreen so, hey! a bonus), wearing newer clothing but most importantly, clothes that are fitting, large ones rarely compliment you. I started to wear stuff I could see was popular and didn't really, huh, fit with how I saw myself. I was ostracizing myself from normal, popular stuff. Please do see yourself as everyone else, allowed to have the same kinda of things, it also helps to fit with other people. I've seen people that really don't fit under what an 'average' appearance would be -- ugly, fat, ridiculously thin and a bit crooked. But they all had a thing in common: they were really straightforward and due to that managed to get friends & girlfriends, so, fake until you make it! I've been recently called a 'popular person' which to me came as a surprise, but I guess all my work trying to socialize & care for myself paid off, although that wasn't my objective; lol. It'll be weird in the beginning, tho. good luck, lainon!

>>12982 your assuming that being a reject is somehow intrinsic when thats entirely your judgement. your the one judging people with no gfs as rejects, its not some fact of life. i also did give you another option of engaging in shorter term relationships with clear boundaries so that every person doesnt have to be "the one". its not about lowering your standards its about not placing arbitrary judgements on other people and yourself that get you nowhere.

>>13004 also it seems like no matter what i say your going to take the negativistic self defeating approach. hopefully you meet someone someday you dont judge as a loser and who is totally chill with being alone.

>>13004 Being rejected is entirely the judgement of the other person, not me. >Me: Hey, would you like to go out with me this weekend? >Her: No. It has nothing to do with my opinion of others who are alone.

>>13013 how often does this happen though?

>>13015 Every time. I ask, get rejected, it hurts, she starts avoiding me even though we were 'friends' before, it hurts some more, she tells her friends, they laugh at me, call me names or worse, I'm a recluse for months, I try to get over it and move on. Repeat.

>>13018 A much younger me once. In school, and a few guys were discussing who they 'liked' between classes. Going around each one named a girl. When it got to me, I didn't say anything, because I didn't want to. One of the guys guessed her though. I still didn't say anything, but I must have blushed too much and confirmed it. By the end of the day she had been told. She came over while I was waiting for my ride after school, with her boyfriend in tow behind her. She stood there for what must have been 20 minutes telling me how ugly I was while he stood behind her staring me down with a big grin on his face. It was an endless stream of insults. Big nose, pimple face, big head, yellow teeth, bad breath, dumbo ears, scrawny, ugly, on and on and on. All my friends and all hers were standing there just watching me get verbally destroyed. I wanted to cry inside, but I had to keep it together until I could get home and lock myself in a room alone. It took about four years to recover from that one.

>>13018 yeah but how many times

>>13019 to be honest I would probably stop liking her after that. fuarrrkin bitch.

>>13021 The four years was mainly getting the courage to even look at a girl again. I didn't spend any time liking her after that.

I just worked on myself and my appearance improved inadvertently. I had to start exercising for medical reasons and ended up getting reasonably fit, plus having better posture seemed like a huge plus. I also picked out some clothes I thought fit me better afterwards. I didn't go full designer or get anything I didn't personally like, I just got stuff I thought looked good. I also got a haircut I liked. Overall felt more confident too. Still not a model by any means but noticed more positive attention and compliments which was nice. Basically there's room to improve

>>13013 again you dont seem to be getting it. if someone rejects you why does that make you a "reject". this is a problem with you not handling rejection or accepting its okay to be rejected. Im sure people will who do have been rejected much more than you, because someone who doesnt take rejection super personally is more likely to offer themselves and be vulnerable more often. being able to be fine with rejection isnt some saintly quality its important to development. this isnt you being some stoic god who needs nothing, its getting rejected, being upset, and moving on. If someone rejects you then thats that, I imagine theres people who wouldnt reject you but you see them as beneath you somehow. im not saying its easy, im just reaffirmjng that these things have little to do with life experience and more to do with what you take out of it. Certainly being constantly rejected is going to make you feel soykafty and puts you in a bad spot, yet theres people this happens to and feel fine and also people who have friends and relationships and feel constantly lonely and unloved. Much like how somebody can smoke and overeat and live to 90 and a super athletic person strokes out on a jog. Certain things help but they definitely don't guarantee you anything.

>>13030 *im sure people who can accept rejection have been rejected much more than you

>>13031 >get rejected more to desensitize yourself to rejection The goal isn't desensitization. The goal is finding someone desirable to spend life with. There are not enough desirable people to make desensitization a realistic option, therefore your suggestion is to approach undesirable people. That is not the purpose. You are the one stuck in your own flawed logic.

Eventually you stop caring your ugly, if you gain enough other positive traits you'll be able to offset your ugliness, this just means you have to work harder. or take an easy route and socialize with other ugly people, if your ugly and you dont have much else going for you why whould you expect not to have ugly friends/partner? good luck.

>>9185 Kind of this. But also curate a great personality, build charisma. Sometimes confidence can compensate for a lack of attraction

>>13036 again you read what I say, and reinterpret it so that it fits your world view and understanding. desensitization isnt a factor, this is over though as far as im concerned. you won't ever ever get what you want, you lose out and I gain nothing.