How do you meet new people irl?

For most of my life i haven't ever really had any friends who i could trust, one or two acquaintances came and went but I've never had anyone who i felt I could have a real connection with. I've gone through all of secondary school and college (idk what that would be for Americans sorry) without ever really having a real conversation with anyone. How do people socialise and where, is everything just online now or are people who didn't make long-term friendships in school fuarrrked in general when it comes to forming irl connections.

During WW2 the New Society Foundation instituted “lad culture” you should avoid it as it is a just a psyop, after all lad = “Letting Adolf Decide” so you only get the one perspective if you engage in lad culture behaviour for social interaction

You have to be open and mindful of connections when you are out in public. Some of my most enduring friendships were with people I worked with, and I met my ex-wife completely by chance. Just be aware that all things have endings as well...nothing wrong with that, it's just life.

You haven't told us how social you can be lainon. Are you a social butterfly or a blubbering moron when it comes to public, random interactions? I'm American so understand that's my perspective on these things but what's stopping you from hanging out in a public place like a cafe or a library and talking with people? Buy a coffee and take a sip, say it tastes good and thank the person who made it for you. Hang out for a while and get a feel for the area, if you see a talking point then go for it. Ask someone about a character on their phone case, compliment their outfit if you like the pattern on their jacket or whatever. If you or another lainon lurking need a book to start with go find a copy of "How to Make Friends and Influence People" online.

>>91238 Idk if im a blubbering moron but im not really comfortable with approaching random people it feels weird to me so i've never really tried it much. Also most people around my age seem very different to me in a way which makes me have no interest in them.

>>91171 >>91252 Yeah, I've had random conversations with turbo norm1es my age and it's the worst experience ever. Covid wrecked my junior and senior years of high school which made it impossible for me to reach out to anyone. I don't want to go to bars, I don't want to use mass spyware social media apps, I don't want to use dating apps, I don't want 'online' friends. Now in 5th year of college I have no idea what to do other than join clubs consistently and keep playing the social game until I finally find someone who relates to my values. Outside of college, idk if anyone has been successful in meetup.com, but I'll probably just off myself, lol.

>>91171 People make friendships with useful people when they are useful to them. Become useful. Do things that benefit from others. Any adult relationship based on "just hanging out" never works.

Hobbies are the best place to meet new people as adults. Something like sports or language learning courses/groups. Around major towns/cities there are also groups for lonely people who are looking for friends. >>91238 >How to Make Friends and Influence People I didn't like the book because it basically tried to turn me into used cars sales man (the book was mostly about influencing others).

>>91295 >I didn't like the book because it basically tried to turn me into used cars sales man (the book was mostly about influencing others). How the fuarrrk did you misunderstand the book this hard? The quick of it is, literally, just be a good, genuine person and care about people and what they need. You either didn't read it or you need to get dragged out and shot for being a retarded sociopath.

>>91297 >You either didn't read it or you need to get dragged out and shot for being a retarded sociopath. Yeah that sums up 99% of American books and their authors pretty neatly.

>>91238 >How to Make Friends and Influence People You can't learn socializing from a book, you have to do it a lot, fail and see what works for you. It's the most inauthentic thing when someone tries to learn something that's supposed to be natural from a book. Even if you're autistic you won't be able to just read a book and understand what to do.

>>91295 >>91295 >it basically tried to turn me into used cars sales man a little of that is necessary, especially when you're first establishing friendships, and doubly so if it's a situation with multiple people which there's a high chance it will be especially as an adult

>>91171 Hi Lainon I am in the UK too. I only get along with a small fraction of people, though I have a few close friends now which I found online. If you aren't normal levels of extraversion, then life is like kicking dead whales down the beach mostly.

>>91238 >Hang out for a while and get a feel for the area, if you see a talking point then go for it. Ask someone about a character on their phone case, compliment their outfit if you like the pattern on their jacket or whatever. Does anyone actually do this? I have never once been in public and seen one person just walk up to another person and start talking to them randomly, I feel like that's psycho behavior (I am from the midwest U.S., maybe it's a regional thing?)

>>91988 yeah it happens plenty, even in the midwest US I've seen people shout from like across the street comments on clothes/hair. Sometimes, maybe more often, its in the course of some other interaction like with a cashier at a store or something, but Ive seen people lean out of their cars to compliment pedestrians and stuff.

I never made more friends faster than when I was homeless. Hang out at cafe's/coffee shops and other third spaces. Stop hanging out at home. You hang out staring at a screen right? Just do that, but in public more. Wear interests and cues people can work on to hit you up about (and for fuarrrk sake, be open and friendly when people DO bring them up). Look for these things in other people and inquire about them ("is that an ____ shirt?" "You play _____?" "Oh wow, you got _____?"). If you're bad at talking to people, start with small chat with people working the places you frequent. I met a best friend of mine who was working at a coffee shop and I brought up their band shirt. We ended up chatting in his off time at work about music, and culture, which we made a habit of, and pretty soon he invited me over to his place where I met tons more people with similar and related interests. Get a hobby, and go to places where said hobby takes place. When people bring up said hobby, give them something to work with, not just one-word, yes-no answers. Ask a question about them here and there. Be a good listener, even if you have to feign interest. Ask people if they're doing anything later/this weekend/this whatever. If they take a liking, they'll probably ask you, and you'll only have to do half the conversational work. If you have to do most of the conversational work and push to keep it alive like a whale up the beach, you are not vibing, move on, don't try to force anything. I could go on and on, as I've rambled about this countless times to countless autists at this point. AMA.

>>91988 >Does anyone actually do this? I have never once been in public and seen one person just walk up to another person and start talking to them randomly, I feel like that's psycho behavior (I am from the midwest U.S., maybe it's a regional thing?) not that lain, but i live in the southern US and it happens all the time here. though it is usually just to make polite conversation and not to establish friendship. >psycho behavior think about the last time a stranger was jovial with you. did you appreciate it? probably. and so will strangers appreciate you. people are lonely.

>>92004 >think about the last time a stranger was jovial with you literally has never happened, the only time a stranger has ever spoken to me (other than as part of their job) was mormons and jehovah's witnesses trying to recruit me ... but point taken I guess, if someone were to talk to me randomly I wouldn't really mind, I feel like the power dynamic is different for women and they would be justified to be weirded out by a male stranger talking to them, no?

No joke go to a workshop of something you are mildly interested in. It can be pottery, woodworking, metalworking or whatever.

>>92012 > I feel like the power dynamic is different for women and they would be justified to be weirded out by a male stranger talking to them It's 2025. Everyone could potentially record you and ruin your life. Cold approaching doesn't work now that everyone is online... Go to established communities and just keep showing up for a year or so. If you have 2-3 good interactions with someone there then ask them out but keep it light.

Random answer: me mum has been teaching me this sweet sweet "trust no one" way of life. Someone tries to sting a couple of bucks out of your bill? IT'S A TEST TO SEE THEY HOW FAR THEY CAN GO

Strangers, down to the random cashier, treat me more positively if I did my skincare and dressed up that day. Heavy fitness regimen reversed those random scornful looks I used to get. I haven't felt not awful in public since childhood so this feels very, liberating? Like a heavy weight lifted from my shoulders. I feel like I earned the right to be outside and talk to people.

>>92133 no joke that is one of the most solid pieces of advice i have heard, i had basically no social life and now am starting to engage more with my local music scene, OP take this seriously

>>91281 one can think in this way but it would wind up unsatisfactory and shallow, friendships are themselves beneficial for both parties, both share their own experience whether they communicate or physical experience and bond through relatability of said experiences. in order words friendships are a constant feedback loop to which the outcome would be enjoyment

What do you mean by "trust"? As in, feel comfortable with? All interpersonal connections carry a tension with them, because you know of yourself as a subject, while everyone else perceives you as an object. The only way you can connect with someone is via some shared experience, because no one has access to your inner world. Look for group activities, be well-rested so you look approachable, have some basic conversation script ready and maybe some well-socialized person will adopt you and share their friend circle with you.

>>91171 >How do you meet new people irl? By going outside? Are you also telling us that you never found an online community that you could share at least a few interests with? Are you even real?

Try going to a bar from time to time and you might be able to practice talking to a bartender preferably a woman.

>>95345 *cue VA-11 HALL-A tracks like "Your Love Is A Drug*

>>95325 >by going outside? not OP but just to say, i don't know where you live but here in europe, everybody tends to themselves. it's not easy to say "go outside" >Are you also telling us that you never found an online community that you could share at least a few interests with? Are you even real? really wish to live where you live because the reality of the situation is that most people don't live in places where there is an online presence, i live in a big city and nope, everybody here is a (hate to use this term) normal person

Interesting how some people say to just talk to random people. I actually get kind of freaked out when strangers approach me, and feel like I'm imposing on others if I did the same. I guess it's just a me thing. Granted, I'm awful at small talk. I'm better if I can latch onto a genuine point of discussion, but it's getting to that point that's near impossible for me.

i became friends with my next-door neighbor by asking him for advice on fixing my car and borrowing his tools. men love to explain how to do mechanical stuff to people and help people fix things, so long as you return the tools when you're done with them.

>>91258 >Now in 5th year of college Are you an architect? > I have no idea what to do other than join clubs consistently and keep playing the social game until I finally find someone who relates to my values Surprise, that's exactly what you were supposed to be doing. It's been over ten months so I hope things worked out >I'll probably just off myself, lol. What's up with white people killing themselves for dumbass reasons?

when i became isolatory again due to a 5 year relationship where the person i was with was very jealous I happened to meet someone I thought would never talk to me who immediately came up to me and started asking if i wanted to do all this cool soykaf with her, little projects and plans. I said yes to everything, she wasnt evil or greedy she would help me with a lot of stuff too but i was also always down to help her because I had literally nothing better going on. We are still besties but for a period of time I got really sad because she wasnt so focused on me cause she naturally did this with anyone she saw something in but instead of moping and getting sad I realized meeting and forming new connections with people isnt waiting on someone like her its doing what she is doing and its the whole reason behind why she was doing it. She didnt drink or do drugs or anything or even have social media so this just was the only way to make friends and so there was no worry about if she sounded too bold or too forward, what was the alternative. she absolutely did come off that way sometimes and people would get weirded out. But most would not cause most on some level were like me when she met me and really truly just want someone to extend a hand and say would you like to be a part of something. That something might straight up be can I borrow your snowboarding gear I heard you mention it and that its just sitting around il give it back to you I pronise. Ive seen something like that for her turn into a complete stranger inviting her to go snowboarding offering a ride and everything and if your thinking in your head its because shes just a pretty girl or something since ive adopted it or been trying to ive also had moments like that. The caveat which I shouldnt have to mention but I do have to mention here is yes "do you want to be my friend" or "do you want to go run off with me and drink under a bridge" or some soykaf is going to have mixed results (although better than you would think/better than i wish it would), it has to be based around something not so interpersonal but it absolutely leads to interpersonal relationships. In her immortal words I try to remind myself of everytime im anxious and worried, "the task is to ask". Truly thats it, and there is many like you or me even scared to ask, which makes it in many ways 100x easier to you. People will see you as a beloved and magical person if you just ask people to do things with you everyone right now not just neets here wants someone to break them out of their routine.

>>91176 Any sources on this please

i'm not reclusive at all and i'm out and about working and interacting with random new people on a daily basis and have been for many years, yet i haven't made any new friends in all this time because i simply don't like anyone that much. i'm always polite and friendly and can be social and play along with whatever vapid small talk people want to engage in, but i don't really care and it's all very boring to me. people are really boring and the world is really boring. maybe if something interesting or cool were happening in the world there would be something to talk about, but there isn't. everything that's happening in the world today is just disappointing and lame and nobody really wants to be alive anymore.

>>100080 we have wars because of people like you

>>100080 That's because you are a midwit. Rerards talk about other people, midwits talk about events, gigabrains talk about ideas, according to Socrates.