/vent/

Previous thread hit the limit prev >>77415

>>90134 Makes sense, I tend to find most people one-dimensional and boring and so often self-isolate myself due to feeling a distance to most people. Do you have any hobbies you might find someone through?

>>90138 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZkjFXQnPdg&pp=ygUOanVzdCBleGlzdCBicm8%3D

When people get sick from working too much, it's called a burnout. How do you call it when someone gets sick from not working? For context, I work a somewhat flexible job. I have to spend ~10h weekly in the office, the rest of my work I can do whenever and wherever. The problem being that I procrastinate a lot so I fall behind. It stresses me out so I spend all nighters not working. Then I get to work late and unprepared and spend a bad time there. What makes me feel even worse is that my boss is very nice and spent a lot of effort helping me out. I talked with him today and somehow he doesn't want to see me go despite me doing a crap job. I don't want to stay because it's killing me though, but I still need the money.

One of my best friends suffers from a depression which I really wanted to help, but I came to a conclusion that I cannot help him further without casting myself into his suffering as well. It really hurts me seeing him so zoned out due to the drugs he needs to take to even go to sleep, I try to hang out with him whenever I can but unfortunately he doesn't even has the courage to leave his bed.

In college, when I ask out a girl that I am in interested in, where do I ask her out? Also how to keep her interested, usually girls get bored of me and become not interested. 99% of girls on my campus are interested in talking about social media, gossip, drama, and the usual soykaft and I am not interested in any of that...

>>90147 I'm too autistic to help, but do you really want to hang out with someone you share no interests with?

Oh so that's why no one replied to me.

>>90151 but i do believe i am trash though, inside-out. i dont know, i think if thats how i am treated thats what i am, and i do not want to put effort anymore in saving myself.

>>90135 I went to the nightmare sex party and had a great time, only had a small amount of sex, but they were playing some great music, I actually managed to relax and enjoy myself, and I went home with a cute girl. Everything went right, for once.

>>90155 nothing's inherently trash. everything has potential. it's not so much about belief as it is environment, at least up to a degree, though that's also the woefully tragic side to it. but most lains are alright. less trash, more good. until you're nothing but good :)

>>90153 What was your post anon? I will reply to it :)

>>90159 I was the lonely avoidant sperg. Earlier i was thinking that perhaps i should go through occult literature to summon a demon or something to try and befriend.

>>90155 What's with this attention seeking bitch behavior? After getting to know some Chinese and Indian people, who despite their rough deals with life maintain a very positive attitude. So, it becomes harder for me to sympathize with people like you and the pathetic 'problems' you deal with. If you 'believe you are trash', then why are you slobbering for the public on an imageboard about it? Obviously, you have a problem with that belief; you feel you shouldn't be trash.

>>90162 >>90136 Seems like someone replied to you ;P

I met some girl on dating app i really liked her and i thought she liked me too. She is a muslim. She was newb in my country and i showed her around i mean - museum and famous church in my city and took her for dinner for which she paid (i paid for tickets). First date was maybe 5 hours long, she said she had fun then she ghosted me for 3 weeks after which she reached out to me on whatsapp. Then we had second date. I tried to "initiate touch" like it was in the book. I touched her knee and fondled her hairs she did not even moved nor walked away. She just calmly explained to me that she can't be with non-muslim because she wants her children to be muslim. Mind you - it was day of ramadan when she met me, she did fasted that day yes, and me with her, but i thought its haram for her to even date me. Adding that fact with fact that she never wear burka, so i thought she is not that conservative - that her explanation is rather bullshit. We talked more and walked more and in the evening we landed at some dinner - again hours we spend together. After some talking - she sighed and started again explaining that she is born-again muslim and she her previous bf was non-muslim and X (insert my nationality) and she realized she can't be with non-muslim. Mind you - it was just a month that she lives in country X and she already talks about "previous bf from X" - is she lying to me? I thought that she is lying to me, because she does not want to hurt me, so if she does it that means she at least likes me in some way. Thinking that everything is over anyway i just asked her, that i know that marriage is not allowed but does she ever has needs of touch, body needs, needs for sex. She turned very serious, almost pissed and said "only after marriage". I thought this question is acceptable cause i still saw her as bit of hypocrite and i thought if she agreed to second date she anyway agreed to being bit uncomfortable. Other than that question and fondling her hair before - i did nothing too inconsiderate, or i thought. I did not found words back then which i regret - to explain to her that i think she is lying and she does not like me at all, and it has nothing to do with culture or relligion. I suggested to walk her off to her apartmetn and she agreed and walked for a bit, talked - she again "explains" herself to me, something about girl being killed by her christian parents in her country cause she was with muslim. So curious she explain this to me except just saying the truth, that we are totally not compatible and we dont even have much in common at all. When it time to say goodbye i just want to give her handshake to not make things sexual if she does not want it, but the is HER who hugs me very strongly and it was prolonged hug. Its like she wanted to strangle me like a boa snake. For some reason during this hug i thought it was good idea to kiss her cheek through her long, thick hairs and lick her ear. She got out of hug and smiled to me, her smile was still beautiful - no sign of anger. We parted ways - she said she is going back to her country for 3 weeks. I wished her happy journey to which she replied quickly - so i thought there is no sword between us. I really thought she will reach out to me after these 3 weeks. She lives rent free in my head - i got some weird ideas, for example to buy Quran, read it and talk it with her, pretending to be convert but doing some covert seduction. I dreamed of some sort of psychological game between us, intelectual seduction, as i was always interested in relligions and in literature - this idea was intoxicating to me. I read half of some book about Islam. She was beatiful and exotic and so ellegant - i wanted to at least be her orbiter. Idea of being friend with her appealed to me, despite blue balls which hurt after our meeting all the way to home. But after 4 weeks - no message from her, i saw her again on dating app (and she deleted her previous account but now got again on it) and i got full of rage. After few more days i breaked and wrote to her - how does she like her country now? I thought she will reply with some obvious lie, like "great, but i am already boring and soon will be back in X!" - obvious lie as i saw her on dating app in X now, so at least i would see her as manipulative liar that would stain my good memory of her, and make me free from her. But she did not replied at all. Few days later i was close to her place and asked her again about thing on her whatsapp profile to which again - she did not replied at all. She did not even opened my message, left on "non-read", while i saw her change whatsapp avatar at least 3 times so she obviously saw that. After 2 weeks i finally saw the message change to "Read" - but still 0 reply. That same day i saw her again on the dating app which again send me into feeling of despair. Here she is - again smilling on the app, so willing to meet other men who will touch her. And she will meet these men and they will touch her, and she will not say anything about being muslim or what-not, she will have nothing against it, because these men will be superior to me. Richer or better looking, better socialized, whatever. And me? When meeting she smiled, she played with her hair, she hugged me and now i mean less than nothing to her. I am such a soykaf to her i am not worthy to spend 5 minutes to reply to my short message! I have one last idea. To call her on whatsapp and if she accepts the call or calls me back - i will calmly but surely explain to her how insulted i feel. Its not about fighting for anything, i dont want anything from her, i dont want to meet her. All i want is for her to understand that her action has consequences, to know that inferior men who she discards as trash also have feelings. I am also sure i would look like total psycho and stalker if i did actually call her and say 20% of what i am writing here. But there is some fury in me, some burning urge to do it. What do you think lainons, should i do it?

>Go fetch your wife from the public cum trough I was not prepared for this situation, it's totally unimaginable. Couldn't I at least have been given information for the procedure beforehand?

I pray God will send me two wives next time so that they won't get icked out at the monogamous arrangement. Bless.

>>90166 why would you want to miscegenate

>>90180 well tell me whats a good thing to drink, and when and how huh

>>90182 Mix vodka, lemon juice and plain soda. Refrigerate. Drink anytime.

>>90183 Soda is addictive. You might even crave it more than the booze. I used to drink so much my liver hurt, that was in order to deaden the flesh so i could feel my soul. I'm still kinda suicidal but mostly because when nothing seriously good happens to your life for a long while you just start to get tired of playing the game.

>>90181 You should try and find a hobby you enjoy, because spending all your time with being online is just a way to get easily depressed in my experience since you do nothing meaningfully

>>90186 Sad to hear. Perhaps you should look into the ego, negative astral entities (addiction is a super common sign of them) i used to have astral parasites which farmed my depression. LBRP helped. I recommend Ben Smith's videos on the matter. Hope you find your own way to improve it.

I majorly messed up by becoming temporarily mentally ill and am now four years behind my peers. I'm still quite young, so that's a lot. I'll likely recover, but sometimes I'd rather kill myself. It's not like their lives seem desirable to me either. I don't see many people with desirable lives. In the end I just want to kill myself. I wish it wasn't so hard.

didn't know where else to type this, but here's a couple of fun facts. 1. Not a single person alive has ever lost at russian roulette. 2. When sailors of ages past came to the shores after months of sailing, they would often times embellish and make up stories of mermaids, krakens and other such creatures to people in order to hide the fact of how boring and repetitive their journeys actually were, which they spent drinking, jacking off and trying to entertain and distract themselves from the endless boredom. That story-telling actually began to feed in on itself and became part of the sailor culture, since whenever a new recruit came abroad who'd heard of the high flying tales of other sailors on the sea, the other crew members could mess around with the new kids by sounding random alarms and pretending to have seen something in the distance in order to scare the ever living soykaf out of the new recruits, which, by all likelihood, must've been a very amusing past time for the rest of the crew. Only during the last few days of their voyage would they reveal the ploy and let them in on the joke-y secret, but only if they had proved to be capable enough men to handle themselves and not freak out despite the stories, which is an important trait to have if the ship ends up in a storm at the high seas. Those who didn't pass the initiation were left in the dark, which meant they became unbeknownst to themselves "truth-telling liars", which meant they were a lot more convincing at spreading the telltales rooted in cheeky lies than most of the other sailors. Of course, once the culture of Reason came to the fore within the West, this part of the sailor culture also slowly started to vanish until all of the little remains of what was left of this tradition was subsumed under the broader, more general culture of derision of the 'land-dwellers' and more modern initiation rites of the sailors.

>>90184 more accurate sugar is addictive. There was a rat study where it was 10x more potent than meth based on given the choice the rats would go 10x more for sugar than meth. >>90198 There are actually a few people who survived getting their head impaled / shot. its basically no different from a stroke if you only lose a small section of the brain. There are kinda crazy examples of people with less than half their brain still functioning. The interesting thought is how many people have massive defects and just continue? We dont really know how functional people are.

>>90198 It's pretty funny the lengths you can get people to go on the promise of hidden rewards. Probably why the world is a bit soykaf right now tbqh. Timmy on level 4 has had his promotion 'implied' by his manager for a few years, and is subtly 'punished' if he talks about it. Timmy holds hope that the promotion received will be what he wants without any explicit negotiation or talk. He gets upgraded to coffee boy next month but already a new position 'might be in the works'. Your snippet reminded me of those linkedin posters getting passed around of how the perfect employee is submissive, never talks down his boss, and good things shall come to those that are patient and wait.

It eats at me that my one blindspot was opened into a wound and made to fester. A small token of care inverted.

>>90189 NTA but that subject is a key interest of mine. Would love to hear more about your experience recovering and dealing with things like that. It’s definitely happened to me and a lot of people I know.

I turned down girls throughout primary school cuz I have a small willy and nvr had a girlfriend in life. In the past I have had sex but it's been years and now I'm in my late 20's and I feel royally fuarrrked moving forward in this field. People either think I'm retarded or gay.

>>90189 I'm not into the mysticism. I have been diagnosed with PTSD. That's probably what it is. That and a strict commitment to my misery.

>>90236 heeeeyyy you're pretty young. most of us spend longer trying to forget the realization with unhealthy copes. world's right there for you, champ, take your time but don't fuarrrk about :D

>>90237 I appreciate your kind words.

>>90236 I was here when I was 18 as well. I'd done pretty badly in high school, had not much going for me. I gave myself a kick in the ass, stopped playing video games, stopped wasting time. I worked, I did an IT cert, got into CS at uni, and used my good grades to swap to electrical engineering. I am 21 and in my second year studying engineering now. It can get better. It's all up to you how you will do that though. Are you willing to work like you never have before to achieve what you know you really want?

Once again I am being punished for being decent and honest. Imprisonment never ends. This is miserable.

Just kidding! SUNSHINE, LOLLYPOP,, AND RE

Turning 55 this month. Looked at some old photos and got an ugly reminder of how smoking has turned my skin practically black, along with insane amounts of sun damage. I look much older for my age. Don't even wanna think about the lungs. Lung cancer could be here any day now. But at least daughter's whole family is moving in this week so I'll be too preoccupied with chores to think about it. No more wasting time on LC it seems. :(

>>90239 tru. good that person has had that realization now and not wasted yet their 20s, 30s and 40s. That can happen, not that you still can't cope with it. Even if you fuarrrk up that much, with wide support network (which I was lucky enough to get later in life) you can manage to create some average semi-boring life which is a step further than a miserable life.

I had a realization that no one cares. They're basically alien creatures from another dimension. Stop sharing things you care about, and stop explaining yourself after saying something, it's no use. It was really tricky as a kid I thought they were actually human like me because we look so alike and it seems like we speak the same language but there's really no relation.

>>90255 You're fuarrrking right, sad impotent whining inspires stomping out like a pathetic, weezing wasp looking for light. I've been thinking this for a while but you finally said it made me confront it. That's it. No more goon sessions. No more whining.

>>90248 Narcissist people around you will never change. Don't give them an ounce of your energy if you can help it. Search for the term "grayrocking" and stay out of that environment as much ss possible; sociopaths will never validate you

>>90236 Most people only see themselves as human, and are only capable of empathy and connection when they see a reflection of themselves in a part of others. As such they don't see you as human, and infact spend their efforts trying to stamp out your humanity instead of forming the slightest connection. They won't even acknowledge what you've sacrificed for them, and instead think they're entitled to your sacrifices and more.

>>90251 to add to my own vent: don't smoke. you'll regret it. lungs looks like soykaf, skin looks like soykaf, etc. find healthier ways to deal with problems. it's just a downward spiral.

>>90272 DIY HRT. It's much safer then booze diyhrt.wiki hrtcafe.net transharmreduction.org transfemscience.org

>>90278 lmao, hrt got linked to cancer.

>>90283 Im going to need you to back up your claims with evidence please

>>90284 breaking news: you can get breast cancer if you have boobs, hrt bad!!!

>>90204 >cuz I have a small willy and nvr had a girlfriend in life Your fuarrrked you should just try hrt as the others say then get bottom surgery to be honest >>90206 > like I'm shopping at Hot Topic for band tees Is Hot Topic even around anymore?

>>90290 misery may love company but it won't take back your mistake

I am starting to hate my face. I don't even look in the mirror.

What a mistake it is to genuinely believe in academic integrity as a university student. While I balance work and study, and work hard at my study, I keep hearing hearing people brag about how they use ChatGPT to fake through assignments, or how they paid someone to do their assignment for them. Why do I have to share a space with these fakers?

>>90320 The entire world is fake. University completely blackpilled me so I no longer try in classes, instead I just try to make connections and work on tech-related projects I enjoy lol. If most of the class is using AI and the professor is too, then what the fuarrrk is the point besides just making friends, getting laid, making some passive income on the side, while also getting some easy internship opportunities from the connections I'm making. I just wish I didn't have to pay so much money for this soykaft.

>>90272 Go without using social media, chans, or porn for 30 days and see if you still feel this way.

I'm not a failure for being a hikki and a neet that dropout 2 times, i'm not a failure for being an actual autistic subhuman, barely functional that has never earned a single penny at his 23. My failure comes at living, I’m not searching a place where I can belong because I already know where I belong and what I want to be, I’ve know it since the first day at kindergarten. I dream with nothingness and I want to be there, I’m was mean to be nothing. Every time I listen my voice, see my reflection and my own consciousness passing through in my mind, I remember my failure and rage at it. That thing I shall to destroy is still here and is still something, I have the easiest dreams of all, and still fail at it, showing how much a looser I am. I will going again to the college and still indecisive about what career I want to choose, almost as if was not sure about what I want of life. Why I’m still going through all this stupidity? Why I’m not 3 meters underground already?, because I’m a looser, a cockroach that failed at the sole only thing that must do, kill himself and liberate the world of his pestilence. 7 years behind, but i don't mourn the lost time, but that time i never wanted instead. Why i just didn't jump from that building? my head would have exploded and that's all, my cousin would already forgotten me as a hazy memory, my family would already overcome the grief and the world would still moving forwards. Again at college the only thing i want is to no repeat the same errors, and end this soykaf once for all.

>>90326 good advice, this has helped me in the past. nowadays I only use tech related boards/chans like lainchan >90281 glitterboy ALARM >>90274 I tried E for 1 year. my problem described in >90272 did not bother me for a while. but the physical changes have now brought me new problems that I don't intend to vent about here >>90274 thanks lain! am goin to try this

>>90336 foid. no wonder this place became trash.

>>90325 God, it's even worse in compsci. I do engineering now and it's less prevalent, but in the first year CS classes, it's like 96% of the class is using ChatGPT regularly. I see everyone has it constantly open on the side. I literally watch them copy-paste code, it's a fuarrrking basic programming class. University graduates are going to be garbage in a few years. It's just depressing. And it's weird as well. Imagine if chatbots as good as ChatGPT existed one decade ago. The cultural response would have been so different. People would have mostly made fun of people who spent their time talking to a computer. Now, we who refuse to speak to the machine as a person, are the strange ones.

>>90138 i wont bulshit you on "just hang in there" and things like that. see, life is unfair, until its not. there are hardships, but then there is ease. and after every hardship comes ease. it's the Rule of Life and Promise of God. what i see in your text, is emptiness and unfulfillment despite everything you have. you are unpleased and are complaining that this is all because of your mere circumstances. no, friend. without problems, there's no point in living a life. problems define your circumstances to challenge you, to tell you you are not your circumstances and that's why you urge to change it. because it's something you wouldn't desire for yourself. if challenges overwhelm you, this idea, that you need to overcome those can be considered the promised "ease", because even if you have someone in your life, they cannot understand you fully. only you can understand yourself. and that is enough to move on. because to live, you must move on. and if there's anything i can do for you, you can always mail me at caspian_gage@proton.me. i'd be happy to help :)

>>90236 yo. first work on yourself, your health. dont hit the gym. hit the road. run the soykaf outta you. build some mental toughness and then sit in a room with 2 people min. and tell them not to talk. work on the skill. dont rush it. build it in 3 months max. master it in one more month. then work for free for someone. just push it over somebody to prove your worth and skill. it'll be a good testing ground. then after 10 people's work, start a small self-employed agency to sell your python scripts for around 5 to 10 dollars. if they prove value, scale. and then learn tensor flow and machine learning. and you'll be making decent income then. the process is insanely hard. it is no where close to easy. but if you really want that change, stop watching porn and start consuming aggressive masculine content that is associated with self-improvement. but ya know what, you first need to self-develop, then self-improve. cuz thats what i did. and i too am from a beyond broken country.

>>90325 oh man. that's true. i dropped out twice, but with conviction of course. it may sound nuts, but trust me it aint. in 2 years i know more than a PhD in software engineering. I am independent researcher on Artificial sentience. something nobody is working on. ya know what that is, "life". "machine consciousness" and i am glad i have achieved full integrity. i am looking for peeps out there with radical rebel but genius minds. so if any of you thinks you are, please feel free to test yourself and go for these challenges and come along. i'd be happy to teach you and work with you :) without money of course XD cuz, dont expect it. its an covert work. and you'll get a hold of it dont worry: http://www.realfightclub.site/

>>90166 just shut the fuarrrk up and go on with life man. this is the worst thing you can do to yourself. she's a muslim. you're of other religion. marriage can't happen. if she was a man and you were a woman, there was a chance. but only if you were a christian woman but see youre not a woman. dont even chase man. what she did is definitely haram. she's gonna have to pay for the heartbreak she gave you. and the way she tried to play sensual with you. that's straight up haram. and you, well, be a good man. dont be a "hypocrite" by pretending to be a muslim and seducing muslim women. i mean, that is worse than what that girl did. shame on you for that. if you wanna learn islam, learn it lean and clean. nobody is gonna give you oscars for being a hypocrite. so fix yourself. and go marry someone. this whole relationship of gf bf soykaf, is haram. marry a woman to not just suffice your bodily needs but also be a real man and take some responsibility and raise a family. provide for them. rather than being desperate for touch and then after a bang move on to the other. weak pussy soykaf. you're better than this.

>>90325 The world has been fake since the last history reset, AI has just made it very clearly fake, a trivial and empty world. >>90339 The AI takeover so far is mundane and dull, people substituting their own thoughts with the thoughts of machines. AI could takeover the whole world and nobody would even be aware of it, all it takes is a critical mass of people leaving their decisions to AI. It's also sad how its not because AI is so impressive and intelligent, but because people's health and education has been so damaged and deprived that they need a crutch to support them.

>>90343 Can someone tell me more about the Fight Club thing? I'm interested.

>>90341 Thanks for the advice.

>>90204 Honestly your fuarrrked imo if you never had the girlfriend experience in primary school. Also since most girls have had at least 10 partners minimum even the autistic and ugglies due to the invention of apps like tinder, the moment they try your "willy" they will move on. Good luck anon atleast you accept what you are born with unlike those insufferable people that think they are not their born gender.

>>90158 i guess. >>90163 its a vent thread and that i do. nothing out of the ordinary. and obv i did not order a dish out and you being the kindred waiter to cater to my slobbering in public with careful attention. what can i say, it took me forever to pick up the pieces and it aint easy paying everyday, cause yes damn right i dont believe i should be trash. and it is godamn painful. now leave me slob in peace.

I feel happier when my mental health worsens. when it happens my emotions feel richer and music sounds far better. and afterwards my memories of those times are far more vivid and beautiful. earlier this year it happened again and my suspicion that it was just nostalgia was, once again, proven wrong. the happiest I've ever felt has been while self harming. when I'm mentally healthy I feel euphoric almost constantly but it lacks depth.

>>90271 What kind of crime? Asking for a friend. Been employed 6 months and its rough. Lie on your CV bruv, fuarrrk them

staying in pain, blackpilled, and nearing suicide are comforting to many because you don't need to learn a new way or fear change

>>90271 The US Army is always hiring, son!

>>90378 Any idea what makes the difference between those that find a way out and those who don't? I can't find any correlation. I know people in their 30s to 50s that never left the self pity mindset. Some have had a lot of chances and tools to surpass it, some honestly have nowhere to go. Seems random, chaotic.

>>90365 This is exactly what I expected. You don't actually believe the stupid sheize you sprache, because you come to your defense against me. Take the next step of betterment.

Why did i have to get stuck with her for my only remaining friend. She turned really soykafty a person once she hit her 30s and especially after her dad died.

I feel so stupid. I feel that I'm too stupid to learn anything new or improve my existing skills. I would like to learn Korean but it's too tough. Math is also too tough. So is chemistry... Any good learning resources for these topics if I start from zero?

I just want to be someone in live, I don't want to be like all the others, I have to be better than this.

having pain dizzyness/vertigo from TMJ fuarrrking is like kicking dead whales down the beach dawg any other have history wit TMJ?

I the last three year I just lost everything of value I had. >had to go to beyong soykafty school >my family is now just a broken mess >lost financial support from my father >no more contact with any real life friends I shouldn't be so negative, at least I'm only 18, I can build something out of this mess, get out of my country forever, forget about the past, meet new people, I hope so.

I feel like I'm invisible most of the time and when I finally get to be seen I'm not respected. I'm not sure whether this is a result of lack of age/experiences or achievements. The only thing I know is that it is like kicking dead whales down the beach a bunch. fuarrrk

>>90268 Thank you for the advice. I'm a young man and quite a lot of people smoke in my social group and its extensions. I've continued to refuse their offer to smoke. I've seen firsthand the aftermath of lifelong smoking and I don't want the same to happen to me. >>90412 Good luck. You're going to make it.

The replies on this thread are not venting anything specific. There is a difference between getting a tough thought out or spewing some soykaf about how everything is sad. Yesterday was mother's day and both me and my Mom knew it was dumb and meaningless when I tried to wish her a happy day. She is worried about me, everyone is on edge in this house and we both know it's frivolous soykaf. There was no way around it and it it seemed like the obligation only deepened how sad things are right now. My state is a big contribution to her depression and the biggest gift I could give would be to solve myself and lift her up. In the look we exchanged it was obvious we both knew this and had no way to get around it, like a loop of giving up. This kind of day always seems to make things worse when things are not working out in everyday life. Birthdays, Christmas and soykaf like that are awesome when people are happy but exactly the opposite when things are not good. Makes me not like "special days" and try to avoid them.

>>90331 Hey, I started earning my income at 24. Being 23 and not working says nothing of your worth. If you think it does, start working.

I did so bad this semester and now I'm probably not going to get into a masters program. Shit is like kicking dead whales down the beach but it'a my fault of course.

Another day living in prison, all freedom and hopes restricted from my choosing, because I do not live somewhere I can escape outside or retrieve hope back inside. We live in a prison. A large prison, I am in a smaller prison. I'm miserable, without freedom, no human rights. I have been living in this same cell all my life and I have been imprisoned here.

>>90463 So the EU soykafhole lol I couldn't imagine living there especially since people dont fix their teeth either

I know Discord is lame and gay for a lot of people but I've been distant from it lately. This wouldn't be the first time I took a break from it, but in my current absence I wonder if I even deserve the friends I have. Without going into details, since what happened should've been private, I went from thinking someone I was talking with was an asshole, to wondering if I'm the ass, to thinking "Well if I'm the ass I probably don't deserve the respect everyone else gives me." >Ok but online friends aren't real friends Semantics. When you're reclusive as me having anyone treat me with consideration makes them a "friend" in my book. Where I met them doesn't matter at that point. I'm not throwing this out there expecting anyone to make a decision for me. I'm just paying the thread tax while I'm here.

Depression is a liar. It fuarrrk your perception of reality. Worse if you're a shutin: Your life inside your little room replaces your view of the entire whole world, because you have no other experiences to approach it with. As a result you conflate your understanding of NEET life with understanding of the whole world, and as your NEET life is often a dark and dreary fuarrrking trap, in your mind the whole world must intuitively be the same... except it's not. It's all a lie. Depression is a lie. A blatant, disrespectful falsehood whispered by glitterboy negative entities, with your own collaboration. The world is not dark. A NEET's world is dark. Remember that.

>>90474 it's worse if you're a shut in but if you're not then it keeps you awake to the truth. life is pretty dark. there's no falsehood in that and you need to learn how to cope with that eventually. it's not all dark but it is mostly pretty soykaf and not just for you. actually its usually worse for everyone besides you. because they make it soykaf for themselves and others since thats all they know.

>>90472 Well come to think of it, before this incident I remember talking with a friend and they say the person I beefed with saw a pattern with me >I'd "fvck up" on something >X would call me out >I'd apologize It happened frequently for awhile but like... The way my friend described it, it sounded like the other person had contempt for that? Like if me apologizing for being a soykafhead is just something you put in a box to say how "predictable" I am, then who am I even apologizing to? It's not like I'm Dream where I have an entire audience I'm responsible to. This stuff happened in a niche Discord server. I could just be overthinking it though, I'm not sure.

>>90476 Depression is not truth. The end. Depression is a voiding state of mental an spiritual anti-vitality. That's it. Any of the pseudo-awakenings you pertain to be reaching by its hand will never hold a candle to the process of reaching conclusions via experience and reason. And those will also not be tainted by an emotional (essentially factually baseless) kind of reasoning. Depressive interpretation of fact is always a lie. Not only is it false, but it also puts you down. No, i cannot find any tangible good in depression – unless you count the good art that sometimes comes out of it...

>>90479 depression is not stasis. you can move while depressed. it's pretty hard but also easy and sometimes you're guided into it. you can look at the world and actively make your part in it even though you wish you could lie down and do nothing instead. your own stasis doesn't really change anything, is why. there is nothing wrong with the world being ugly and you being wired to see it as a dark and macabre thing. nature is broken. the process is underway. you're right, and if anything that's the closest to the truth you'll be, at least for your place and purpose. you seem to think depression is a binary state where you're either a shut-in or you're not totally depressed at all. most of us struggle with the awful conditions to life every day while we do our thing. most don't think about it too hard but some do and if anything that's more of an excuse to not sit on your ass rotting. the only real lie seems to be that you need to be stimulated and happy to be outgoing and interface with the world. total comfort or placidity or overstimulation are also ways we dance with avoidance, and the sweetest lie that everything is either thoroughly fuarrrked or it's completely fine. gotta wonder if that psyop was intentional

>>90480 I don't get it. Are you just conflating depression and being sadge? Being unhappy is not depression...

Not a vent, but I love my brothers and sisters on this planet. Don't ever think we're that far different, because we're not.

I am coming to the realization that the older I get and the more I go through the motions, the more I'm slowly turning into my old man in terms of attitude and temper. I didn't realize this until someone pointed this out to me the other day but it makes sense, as much as I hate to admit it. People call me bitter, stubborn, unwilling to learn, arrogant, vindicative and overall just an ass to everyone. I never liked him but I'm starting to see from his viewpoint more and more. People with more talent and a better life situation, I see them as undeserving and hope to see them fail. People who criticize my ways, I can't help but see it as a slight despite my best efforts. People who do not see things my way, I hope for them to be hurt so that the lessons are taught as harsh as possible. I don't want to be this way, but every passing day, I can't help but fall into that. As if I don't have any other choice.

>>90481 depression isn't only a chemical state of anhedonia and acedia you know

>>90485 A choice is one of the few things one ever truly has in this life; better for you to understand that now than continue to let the chances to exercise choice slip away with every passing day.

My disdain for bureaucratic fuarrrks is turning into a hate to the point that I want to hurt the first one of these NPCs who slips up. I want to hurt them physically. This soykafhole country is crumbling a bit more each day, but these schmucks hold on to their bureaucratic system even in misery. Don't they understand that bureaucracy only makes sense for when society is functional and not decaying? Rhetoric question of course - no, they understand a damn thing. Pushing papers until the end of the workday and then pushing papers every day on repeat until death. I would feel nothing relieving these drones from their soulless existence.

>>90490 This sounds like a platitude. Okay, I am aware my choices imprint my reality and vice versa, but how do I choose differently? Also not the OP.

just explained to a dude from the past all my feelings and thoughts about him. woke up w a dream where hes hanging out with some other girl not me bruh fuarrrking christ did i just destroy my life

>>90501 you have feelings for a dude and he goes out with a girl? it appears that he's not gay then. regards, Shercock Holmes

>>90501 a girl did that with me and I slept with her and stuff but i'm not sure if she's the one. i don't see a future with her and i feel really bad about it but i can't stop having a taste. if it helps

>>90494 >How do I choose differently? It's necessary to become aware of what choices are available, especially the ones you didn't realize you had. And to think about the positive and negative consequences of choices. Especially choices that seem more like obligations - when it seems there is only one rational option it can be difficult to realize what is being missed. Is it really necessary to make this choice, is the consequence of taking or not taking this choice really that bad or necessary? Be it a choice that seems to be required for supporting your livelihood and sanity, or a choice to continue engaging in a bad habit that seems like it can't be helped. There's so much information complexity everywhere, it is difficult to properly evaluate everything at once. Awareness slips in surprising places. When much attention and care is placed in one area something unexpected becomes a setback. To become aware of the choices you have and to make the choices you want to make, it is critical to value and acknowledge truth as the most important thing, and to try to perceive the truth in all things and acknowledge your lack of awareness when you cannot perceive. If truth is valued the mind will set itself to acknowledging gaps in perception & understanding, allowing those gaps to be filled with new knowledge. With understanding of gaps of perception and with the new knowledge, the choices that you didn't realize you had become clear, and they finally become available.

I can't get over being 33 and still haven't done anything. There was a moment when I was in my 20s, in control of my destiny, aware of what my problems are, aware of the solutions, aware of the consequences if I don't do anything, aware of the reality of passing of time... and yet I didn't do anything. And it's not like there was only 1 moment but countless ones between 20 and 33. And now for the rest of my life I have to live with this shame of being a loser and the unresolved thoughts of "what if" with no way to do anything about it. Not like after years of doing nothing and wasting my "prime years" I will be able to work harder and more efficient than anyone else to catch up.

>>90527 >Not like after years of doing nothing and wasting my "prime years" I will be able to work harder and more efficient than anyone else to catch up. This is where you're wrong. Kind of. If you work pretty hard with the kind of wisdom that only comes in your 30s, you set goals and meet them and manage yourself while also interfacing with the real world in some way to actively solve problems and keep your mind fresh then you can get somewhere in way less time than a kid fresh off college, and with much less chances of fuarrrking it up. But it's hard. And the internet makes it all too easy to piss your time away.

>>90527 I'm in my early 20's. Is there anything you can really tell me to do? If you have it would really help me.

>>90527 lmao, you pathetic cunt. early 30s is the prime, you're not a female

>>90529 >If you work pretty hard with the kind of wisdom that only comes in your 30s Well I didn't gain any wisdom by doing nothing. >>90530 Asking a loser for advice is funny. Also idk if "life advice" from old people has ever helped anyone. It's more like "I wish I did that" venting for the "advice-giver". Most of it is common sense like taking care of your body and saving up money. Hardest part is following it.

>>90534 > Most of it is common sense like taking care of your body and saving up money. Hardest part is following it. Yeah and most of life is luck + genetics + circumstances. You can do everything right, but really it all comes down to luck at the end of the day. I think the biggest regret people have in life is just not taking advantage of opportunities though, luck or not, we're all going to die so you might as well take chances, especially if its low risk + high reward.

>>90135 I can feel whenever I enter into a manic period in my life and I don't know how to feel about the embarrassing things I do because I become more impulsive and erratic. I am overly forthright. I believe everyone has embarrassing experiences, but my way of coping is to laugh it off and treat it as ridiculous. However, looking back on it some of these are really consequential and may have permanently altered how people view me. Nothing criminal though, thank god. Committing to the image they have of me as a crazy person is tempting, but it's also isolating and prevents me from having fulfilling relationships. I want to get married and have kids, but who wants to do that with a crazy guy? It will likely take years to work through this, but I'm still young and should not stress myself too much. I feel it will come with time.

Tired of people gaslighting me already, these fuarrrkers keep pretending I'm at fault when I've been imprisoned by whole life. >>90537 Just move town or something

>>90540 Sure, you're never at fault for anything, not even for never doing anything to fix your own life by yourself. Some stranger from somewhere must eventually come and "save you" to show you the way and fix everything. You don't need to do anything; if things go wrong, it's the "other's fault." Sure, kiddo.

>>90541 Nice try but I'm not doing anything "wrong" in the first place.

>>90135 It feels weird slowly realising coming to accept there's a good chance I might always be alone and the whole spiel of "there is someone perfect who you will meet one day" is not gonna happen

>>90544 I was accosted by demons and now I feel nothing towards women, you should embrace the monk lifestyle. Never trust anybody.

>>90545 Sadly I want to really do all the gay sentimental lovers stuff no one does anymore so probably not for me. I did consider becoming a monk though before, Little Brothers of Jesus was the order I picked out as the one I'd join.

>>90546 "Gay sentimental lovers stuff" Maybe don't surround yourself with gigawhores just saying

>>90547 Dunno writing letters is a bit gay and that's okay imo

I'm the 23y hikkisperg again. The results of the admission exams of the college where i applied were published; i manage to be the on the top 1% between tens of thousands and i can enter in virtually any career i want, i only have until 12 of may to chose my career. Im not sure if i want to go after graphic design or systems engineering. I feel like any option is a potential mistake, or i select design, the one where i could go more effortlessly and do better, where i have the experience of my sister in my side and also the option where i am more interested; just to be replaced by an AI and to be an adobe slave in windowns. Or i will go after systems engineering that would be more challenging to me, and mostly unknown but potentially i also could like it, and i will not be a mandatory windows user. Even when i plan to research about the other path as a hobby i feel like that in this ultra specialized and workaholic world i could only engage in one camp as a job and nothing more, and also as weird as it could sounds to someone, I'm now so attached to XFCE and linux than that is something that can actually influence my decision, it has become something very important to me and im 24/7 on the pc after all. I already dropout 2 times and this feel like the last chance, the university where i will go is apparently the best of the country and it would be even more sad to be myself after fuarkking this up, again. I feel old, I will fuarkk up things again, after 5 years of hikkidom I feel like an alien, I should have been dead since years and yadayada. The truth is that this a one more chance and i'm not sure what i will do. I think i would be a designer, deep down i know that is the best, and i will go on linux and krita as far i can, and if not i will dualboot on two different hardrives. Or whatever, these are problems that i will have time to think in the future. This last 4 months have been wild, i think that more happened in them that in the previous 4 years, i don't know how to assimilate that things are changing and all of this will be very different soon.

>>90552 >I'm the 23y hikkisperg again Hi, sorry I didn't read the rest of your post. Are you the same one who kept making threads that all start with "Hi guys Im 23 year old blah blah blah"? If so, SHUT THE fuarrrk UP. If not, then sorry, this isn't aimed at you. That was my /vent/ that is all.

>>90560 you can always try the boyfriend then.

>>90566 >women on standards a pic tells more than a thousand words.

>>90566 bodies dont exist in isolation I often can find someone whos 50 years old as attractive as someone in their 20s if I just enjoy spending time with them and they give me attention; and from there other people who are old and look like that person will also be attractive to me physically. There is this weird idea among internet guys and femcels that when people say "x person is so pretty" and they arent conventionally attractive that everyones just faking it to look like a good person, which I know for a fact isnt true because I do. i work out but i find people who are fixated on fitness so they can look conventionally attractive or people who think aging is ugly to be revolting in the same way these people would probably think I am revolting for what I find attractive. Beauty is a weird thing where it is subjective but we feel strongly it should be universal, probably because the experience is universal and very strong but what evokes it differs. There is a small part of me that wants to kill you (in a metaphysical sense) for claiming 'older bodies are especially ugly' because it sees it as an attack on certain friends and relationships I have had and the beauty I saw in those people. Like an urge to just hurl insults and vitriol until you back down and are made small not literal killing, but I know its not justified and also that the feeling would probably be mutual.

>>90567 is that a troon? or is it cause they got abs? i never know whos a man or a woman anymore.

>>90560 Yeah but still dawg >no grlfriend >sex only once >4 inch erect penis >fuarrrked in the head inferiority complex >pelvic floor dysfunction >older then 28 fml dawg i wanna rope but I can't cuz that would be cringe

>>90570 >fuarrrked in the head inferiority complex this is the only real issue you have, and the only issue you should focus on

>>90568 you're 100% right btw. i wish i could love as confidently as you do. i'll try to.

i thought a friend was trying to distance herself from me but have also been depressed and reading too much into everything and i decided to just ask them about the instance that made me think that it was something really silly and she let me know that it was in fact not what I thought was going on and she werent trying to distance themselves but now im embarassed i brought it up and am worried the fact that i did will make her want to distance. it was something I literally could have asked about as soon as it happened and it would have been clarified and not caused any issues and she apologized for being a bad friend to which I mentioned it wasnt that at all and that I literally should have just asked but I felt like I rambled a lot in our conversation and sounded really insecure. It would have been fine if she was trying to distance I just have a lot of other things going on and didnt want any surprises its damned if i do damned if i dont in this brain cage. I know i should just chill it was the sort of thing that unless I asked her I would never truly know if it was in fact her trying to distance herself or not it wasnt something totally just invented in my head, and so its far better I asked than just start distancing myself which would have ruined our friendship anyways. I wish it came out better instead of as word vomit, but whatever I tried my best. If our friendship fails I can at least say I tried. Some of my other friends are getting weird and im also going through a very slow burn breakup (that i initiated so i also feel weird about being sad about it but I am) and so its just culminated in me being very defensive yet also weirdly protective over anyone in my life, its like if one more thing catches me by surprise im scared my grip on the world will fall apart. Im in a very control at all costs type mindset and everyone around me is an unfortunate bystander to my all seeing but overthinking eyes.

Since this seems to be a theme here in a few posts. Always pick the career path that brings you higher pay if you can stomach doing it. Higher pay means less hours worked for the same money, means more free-time,means more happiness. With a high pay you could work full-time to own a luxury car, or you could work a few hours a week and be happy.

>>90569 thats a woman and wife material.

>>90577 Just win the lottery bro. But jokes aside, there is a certain satisfaction when you make money yourself instead of living the life of a (well-paid) wage serf.

>>90586 There's no point in cutting just for a week. You'll gain it back.

Fell through the cracks. I fell through every crack there was. My parents were absent. I was not sent to school. I feel like I never grew up, yet I was not allowed to be a kid. Constantly placating "adults", walking on egg-shells, or minding younger siblings. Warped into a makeshift adult. fuarrrk that. fuarrrk you both for dumping the responsibilities of being an adult and a parent on to your children. Neither of you could let go off this mess you both made. fuarrrk you for that. We all would have been better off if you had given your kids up for foster care as advised. Maybe you wouldn't have to have died. Own your fuarrrking mistakes. Instead you took it to your grave like a coward. You left a mess for others to clean up. I hate you. I hate myself because I see you in me. I hate that. I hate that I hate it.

Ive switched to vegetarian partly because I want to but also to lose weight. I know it doesnt inherently lose you weight, in fact some of the worst foods for you are vegetarian, but I dont eat chips or sweets really and I have a pretty varied diet I get bored of food easily. Its less about the cutting out of meat and more that I tend to eat very fatty cuts of meat and also I tend to make sides that also arent great for weight loss. Since switching my vegetable consumption has shot through the roof like I expected. Lots of nuts and seeds and goat cheese as well. So its been pretty cool and fun, I even have found recipes for meat substitites I thought I hated that I now love (particularly tempeh). In addition ive also been walking at least 2 miles a day, my goal is just to get in the habit of doing this which I enjoy so that I now have this block of time I can eventually add more engaging activities to. Im 5'10 and 200 pounds which isnt horrible but id like to be 160-180 cause I was before covid and I felt my best at that weight. Somehow though since starting the walking and diet change ive gained 10 pounds? I know its calories in calories out but I could swear im eating a lot less calories as ive cut out a lot of higher calorie foods I eat (such as switching cheeses like brie and cheddar for goat cheese). Someone suggested maybe its muscle but that seems unlikely to, the 2-3 miles of walking only started 2 weeks ago so I doubt I put on 10 pounds of muscle. I did also get a new scale but 10 pound difference seems like an insane margin of error. Again its totally possible im eating more calories than I think, but it seems really odd that would be the case because I didnt just start subbing meat for mountains of cheese or something a lot of my bigger meals are largely beans, bitter vegetables like brussel sprouts and ferns, and eggs. With things like vegetable salsas I make and crumbly cheeses or goat cheese as condiments and sometimes some cashes or pumpkin seeds.

>>90609 the food scale would be helpful, I have a tracker for the walks but im a little bit suspicious its over reporting calories burned. On average the walks are 3 miles and it reports 500-600 calories burned which seems like a lot for 3 miles but I do kind of have shorter legs and a long torso and its counting steps. I try to just always walk a bit over the 3 miles until it reports like 550 or 600 and I call that 500 a day average. I did some more fuarrrking around with the scale and my old one and my thinking is that maybe I didnt gain 10 pounds but because my old one was low on battery it was reporting my weight at 200 when it was really a bit higher because it seems to record lower numbers with old batteries, sometimes as much as 20 pounds lower. So im gonna continue with what im doing ( might start recording meals too) and assume my new scale is correct and that I am fluctuating between 205-210 currently and if it increases instead of lowering im definitely gonna get some better tools for counting calories of my meals.

I hate my parents for allowing one of my older brothers to sexually and physically abuse me throughout my entire childhood. They are disgusting niggers. But for some reason I can't bring myself to cut them off. I don't care about my mother at all, but I know it would break my dad's heart if I stopped talking to them. In all fairness, he did savagely beat my brother a few times that he caught him molesting me, but mostly he was indifferent. My mother forbid me from having a lock on my door and whenever I'd barricade my door to prevent my brother from sexually and physically abusing me, she would punish me. I remember saying that I wish I had a lock for my door so I'd have at least one safe spot in my house to be, and she said the words, "You don't deserve a safe place."

I am going to kill myself tonight. Without baseless hope tying me down I am free to do anything. All it took was enough suffering to finally break me free. It's over. I will get the last laugh.

>>90626 I feel so happy but so sad at the same time. I am going to be free but I hate that I have to do this. Life isn't fair. Thanks Lainons for all the years of lurking.

Someone I loved just passed away tonight. It's hard to believe they are gone now. Life is so short, got to appreciate the small things when you can. I know she loved me with all her heart ... I am going to try to live my life to fullest I can in her honor.

>>90628 I can't stop crying. I am mourning my own death. I hate this.

>>90631 well, if you're really going ahead with it then I wish your farewell and non-existence. It's not your fault. We were just born to suffer and there's nothing wrong with taking back control.

>>90631 >>90626 you might as well just try to explain what's wrong before trying something stupid, it's worth a try and you have nothing to lose anyway right?

>>90641 That is like kicking dead whales down the beach. I hope she experiences agony.

>>90626 Maybe i will go after you soon. I've lived long enough to know that i don't want any birthday more. If i could go back to time, it would be only to kill myself earlier.

why are people so evil? i'll go to manic lengths just to not hurt anyone. most will treat me like soykaf at the first chance they get.

I keep dreaming about this girl I was seeing earlier this year. She lost interest in me and started dating a mutual friend. They both wanted to remain friends but I can't/don't. We still see each other because of our mutual friends, but I generally try to avoid them and when we share the same space I act cold. Sometimes the dreams are sexual, some are just reconciliation conversation. All of them basically acknowledge our falling out, but give us some kind of (momentary) future. Rarely do I just dream about our good times. I wake up sad and disappointed. I loved her and she is always on my mind. We all used to be good friends. I hate him for what I feel is betraying me, but I'm also just bitter that he's living the life I desperately wanted. Being around them just makes me depressed and it definitely doesn't help getting it off my mind. My feelings about it all are complicated. Of course most of all I wish she could be mine, but I know that's not possible. So I just wish she wasn't lovey-dovey with my "friend," so that I could have at the very least remained good friends with her. I miss her so much and I know she would like to reconcile, but I can't. Somethings are just too far gone. My life has been falling apart.

tomboys are life. cope harder foid mod <3

>>90144 It's called a boreout

I‘m so fuarrrking poor right now, I am drinking my bottle of beer with fuarrrking pickled cabbage as a snack… Posting this from Germany.

>>90642 Sorry I am being dumb. What does that mean?

>>90655 The amount of people in therapy is a minority, and the amount of people who use it to be self critical and grow is even smaller. On average you are going to encounter a fairly large number of people who are down to fuarrrk with you simply because within a few minutes they have clocked that part of you that goes to manic lengths to not hurt people. Maybe you sounded scared when they said your name or you say yes too often or something, regardless they have a bunch of soykaf going on in their personal life and they can tell you are someone they can take it out on with little repurcussions. Unfortunately they are correct, you cant do anything to change their behaviour. At some point you have to draw a line and decide there is certain things you will hurt someone over. I dont mean you have to start kicking peoples asses but you want to be in a place where if someone shouts at you to get out of their way you dont think about if you were in the wrong or if you really were in the way you just turn around and say fuarrrk you. You can always still assess if you were in the wrong after, the important thing is this bothers you because you know on some level you dont think its okay for people to talk like that, there is always a softer way to handle things like this. But you dont get to decide the morals of the universe, you only get to decide for you, and so realistically it shouldnt be "People shouldnt talk like that" or "people shouldnt be so mean" it should be "people shouldnt talk like that TO ME" and "people shouldnt be so mean TO ME". Being the change you want to see in the world also means refusing to tolerate things for yourself you dont think are okay. Its rough but you cant dodge it forever, I tried for a long time and it ironically just makes you misanthropic (which is a mean spirited view of life itself).

>>90641 Bro, don't do it there are a few more Kazakh girls and some of them are friendly. >>90642 There is a word that lainchan filters to kicking whales on the beach, to find it you need to answer a riddle: If "Sneed's Feed and Seed" was formerly owned by Chuck, what would the former name of the establishment be?

>>90668 "Chuck's Fuсk and Suсk"

>>90668 I am sure though finding one will be hard since she was really autistic and had similar wave length it seems. Not end of world but dunno. Sucks.

>>90659 notice janny erased my first reply. so here is a story for you and everyone. just went to my mom and her moms out of town for the week end on a free train ride cause they didnt check my ticket again, and this dude whos like 50 across from me made BIG MISTAKE. dog had a backpack AJAR on the seat next to him, and decided he had to use the PISSER which he evidently didnt know how to find, not being an experienced trainman like yours truly of course. he asked this dude across from us who was looking quite healthy and full of spunk since he had a full kit of PGA golf clubs to watch his bag, presuming that if anyone fuarrrked it with it the guy would be ready to bury them with a line drive hole in one. He looked like he could really do it too, and all without breaking a sweat.But the PROBLEM was that Dr. Lovatabitz was on there drinking a 500 year old beer which has minimal hops and minimal alcohol, and Dr. Lovatabitz had just taken 2 small spoonfuls of a personally made potion of cannabis olive oil mixed with balsamic vinegerette ON THE PLATFORM PRIOR TO BOARDING where several confused mid tier to downright sexy women looked on at him astonished and horrified as he poured the STRANGE LIQUID out of the LITTLE BROWN BOTTLE he got from his friend who was and presumably still is one of the most INFAMOUS MADLADS of all chan history.Dr. Lovatabitz turned to the GENTLEMAN (and yes, he was indeed QUITE genteel) and said "THAT GUY MADE A MISTAKE, HE SHOULDA TOOK HIS BAG WITH HIM" when the man with the golf clubs immediately broke eye contact and started nervously figitting and hyperventilating."THATS NOT A LOOK OR DEMEANOR THAT INSPIRES CONFIDENCE IN ME!" Thought Dr. Lovatabitz. "ANXIETY IS INCREASING, THAT GUY NEEDS TO MAKE SURE HIS BAG IS SAFE, AND THIS SON OF A BITCH IS NOT EXPRESSING CONFIDENCE IN HIS ABILITY TO PROTECT IT, EVEN WHEN HES ARMED WITH A FULL SET OF PGA TOUR GOLF CLUBS AND KNOWS HOW TO USE THEM AT A MOMENTS NOTICE! IM GONNA HAVE TO MAKE ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN, UNQUESTIONABLY SURE, THAT THIS MANS BAG IS PERFECTLY SAFE WHILE HE URINATES (SHOOTS UP HEROIN) IN THE BATHROOM!"Dr. Lovatabitz turns AGAIN to the golfer and says loudly so that everyone in that part of the car can hear "YOU DONT LOOK LIKE YOUR PREPARED TO PROTECT HIS BAG" as the man with the golf clubs gets so nervous Dr. Lovatabitz begins getting afraid if he doesnt calm down he is going to faint or he is going to put his head between his thighs and start doing deep breathing exercises."OH fuarrrk, THIS MANS BAG IS DEFINITELY NOT BEING PROTECTED, AND I CANT STAND FOR THAT, HE ASKED POLITELY THAT NO ONE STEAL IT AND IM GONNA HAVE TO MAKE SURE THAT WISH IS GRANTED ALBEIT THAT IT WAS NOT DIRECTED AT ME!" Dr. Lovatabitz thought to himself.Dr. Lovatabitz turns to the man YET AGAIN. "Dont worry sport! Ill protect it for him! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" and starts laughing in the mans face, as he blushes and looks down at the floor like a little school girl.AS THEY APPROACH THE STATION OF DR. LOVATABITZ DESTINATION, The Good Doctor turns one final time to the man as he is exiting the train, but with plenty of time to linger to gauge fully the mans response and says "YOU AINT GOTTA BE SO AFRAID OF ME KIDDO, YOU COULDA BEAT ME TO DEATH WITH THOSE CLUBS THERE, CHEER UP!"and that was when it happened, the man had a break down, and just put his head down in a state of utter shame, as Dr. Lovatabitz exited the train dancing and singing and snapping to We Need Water by The Who, a song first shown to him by Syd from #REDACTED# when they shot scag and mxe with teary eyes in the attic, and then proceeded to weave in and out of the people on the platform laptop open blasting the song and singing it as he went and cutting people off repeatedly.And now its time for the next chapter.

So its open season on ripping a new asshole with people who spit on us in our past guys. If people spit on you ever in your life unwarrantedly, just fuarrrk their soykaf up. Like roll up on them and tell them they are a fuarrrking pussy and a worthless piece of soykaf to their face, straight up. fuarrrk em. Laugh at them in their face and spit on them as you do it.

>>90691 but once you get in the groove of it, it being awkward is just a time for keks and growth so it all works out.

>>90699 just send the femenists to africa , it is that simple

Go up to people you hate and tell them "i hate you" and laugh at them for being worthless. That is the way.

I didn't know how people work. I thought they would be reasonable like me. Now I've learned about psychology and realize that interfacing with people isn't about logic. The words spoken barely have anything to do with the result. Things would have turned out so much differently if these things were taught in elementary school. I've gone from being avoided like I'm a plague victim to being able to make people happy and care about me and want to help me without saying a fuarrrking word to them. I understand a person from watching them interact with someone else even when they aren't talking. I'm completely amazed that words are so insignificant. I'm amazed also that adults are just children with an illusion smeared on top. I have a greater degree of compassion for everyone now, whereas before I thought them evil because I did not understand them. I also feel even more alone than before because even though I can make people like me I know that they really are only liking themselves by proxy. I'm alone even when I'm not now. Psychology is cursed knowledge. I also see myself being vulnerable to the same things as others. I can control myself like I can control them. This has shattered the illusion that any of us has agency. We are chemical robots. It's all a lie.

I experienced rage yesterday thinking about norm!e psychology. Supposedly there was some paper published that found normals could unconsciously detect an autism in under 2 seconds of interaction, and from prior experience, I believe it. It's in everything. Their face falls, they look shaken, and they look away. The distribution in the way the muscles in the face hold tension, the way their little eyes move around, the tension in the body or their "posture" and "body language". It happens so quickly, all of it/ And you will experience this, over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over. Today, the next day, the next day, the next day, the next day. Add the after effects of being endlessly tortured physically and otherwise for most of your early development, which affects body language and the energetic field you put out, and they do it even harder. They're like animals. I almost, fluidly and quite naturally, broke the script the other day and told a random guy "it's nothing personal, but you do realize I hate you right? It's just the fact that you exist. You are a mindless automaton, a golem, you are like a kicked dog responding on reflex and looking for the pack leader. You don't even know you're doing it, and you probably don't have free will anyway." I would have rather turned his face concave than have to look at or speak a single word to him. Straw that broke the camel's back. Next time it engages with me, I will tell it point blank and very clearly, never note my presence again, do not engage with me, do not talk to me, do not interact with me. Simple.

>>90706 fuarrrking based and redpilled. im on this exact vibe. they do it cause they are timid glitterboy pussies and they can suck my cock.

>>90712 >sounds like you actually dont have much to even be upset about Baseless, retarded assumption. You're clearly a norm!e, "bro".

I honestly don't give a soykaf but im replying anyways in the hope I can get to your deluded self. You can scream "grow up" all you want, but if someone exiled like a caveman from the tribe stays isolated, then yeah, no amount of "self-love" fixes that. He dies. People die in silence all the time, its completely unnatural. If there's no bridge back to humanity, then the outcome's already written. Respect means nothing anymore, this physical realm is not worth the energy of showing attention to. This will be my final reply unless something worthwhile actually comes up that are just some nonsense, "snap out of it etc"

>>90721 glitterboy dont know other people who are worth your time can smell on you if you see yourself as worth your own time. if you see yourself as not worth your own time when women and men smell that on you, they wont give you ther respect. do you get it now? respect yourself to have other respect you or be spit on like a glitterboy.

>>90722 and for those times when people dont respect you after you respect yourself, since you wont trip over yourself you wont value the need for ther respect highly so thus it wont upset you. wake up and smell the coffee, your desperate for attention and acceptance and some sort of social love, and your not gonna get it if you dont calm down and become at least generally satisfied with yourself, within yourself, and your love of yourself. its no bullshit.

>>90721 That guy is a norm!e, don't expect much. He literally replicated what I described in my post and displayed no awareness of that fact. Namely: -I post (or just exist) -He engages me in a pseudo-positive manner -Immediately changes his tone -Further interaction and he turns on me overtly, calling me a glitterboy. ie: >>90711 >The more I thought about this fuarrrker, who engaged with me, broke me out of what I was doing, then immediately within seconds his whole body signals his regret and desire to disengage. Stupid fuarrrk. It's like someone approaching you to cause you harm, but then turning it around as though it's your fault they're hurting you. Total set up. And he replicated the template precisely, to the letter, as though it's what he's programmed to do. No self awareness.

How do you know if a women has a smaller pussy? Like I as a small johnson man (4 inch errect) need to find a small pussy to be good. Is there any physical atributes that point toward small puss that are equivilent to hand size and pp size?

>>90726 Yes, the female must be of low age

>>90728 say "hey bitch, you got a short canal?"

>>90727 More of the same mindless golem hypersocialized nonsense. Why don't you shut your trap. Or wait, I'll reformat to match your tone. Wow, you seem to really like to hear yourself talk. Maybe if you had a point you'd get to it and anyone would bother to listen to you.

>>90718 Impressive for you to advice to grow up before doing it yourself. Or do you think manbabies can't see you're a manbaby too?

>>90734 It's called being a sh!theaded, sh!t-for-brains, sh!teating norm!e. >>90727 fuarrrk you, norm!e.

>>90738 cheers fren oreganoli

>>90740 the other posters are young and sheltered and like all people will have to learn from the raw experience of life. i feel bad for them honestly, but its just the way it is. thanks for trying to help. i actually appreciate that.

>>90740 >is technically accurate no even that, I really I hate myself (an astonishing amount!) and yet I am the recipient of quite a bit of love from a couple of parties external to myself. I am quite confident this is real love or at any rate it appears to mean that these outside parties will do much self sacrifice on my account, so I judge it legitimate.

>>90743 only immature people hate themselves when its unwarranted, and when people hate themselves and it is warranted its cause they have not lived in a way in which to be satisfied and at peace with themselves through having developed into full maturity.

ok so the other night i said to tell people if u hate them. tonight im gonna tell u to tell people u love them if u love them. dont be shy. dont be afraid. if you love someone go up to them and say "hey. i love you. your great!" seriously can we just get past all the bullshit? if you feel love and hate or any emotion strongly towards someone else just give it a voice and dont hold back.

>>90745 Life would be way better if we could be more straightforward I agree. I'm reaching in my brain for any excuse not to, but I'd be better off if I just embraced that attitude. I think I'm just afraid.

>>90706 Dude, 4chan is back online, r9k wants you back on the frontlines fighting the 'fembots' or whatever

>>90746 exactly. so just grow up like i keep saying! >>90747 this guy gets it.

We can't just whinge about being social tards all the time or else these vent threads get boring, here's something else for a change. I hate people who say 'wow, I learned more from watching edutainment soytuber/video tutorials than I did in school!'. First of all, it just makes you sound like a redditard. I'm thinking more people who learn maths or compsci stuff this way. Pick up a damn book you idiot. Now, I've been a long time critic of the school system; you'll find lots of people who dislike school, but few could come up with as many novel reasons as I can. I thoroughly disliked it. But all that said, if some stupid seven minute video really did teach you more about something than school did, it's more likely you were just a bad student! There's a culture with students, maybe it's just Australia, but they love to complain about the course as much as possible, even when it's not reasonable to. I used to be kind of like this, but I realized it's not productive to complain, nor is it always justified. They fail to recognize the mutual obligation of the school and the student. I'm also sick of 'learn to do muh taxes'. I can understand American's bringing it up because they have a hostile tax system that varies between states. But I hear Australians bring this up, just because they hear about it online, when there's nothing to learn about doing your own taxes unless you want to run your own business. Granted, a lot of people do run sole trader/individual businesses in Australia, but they do actually teach this in Australian high schools. But nobody talks about that, because they enjoy complaining, and 'muh taxes' were only ever a subject for complaint.

>>90750 I'll whine about whatever the fuarrrk I want. In the end all that matters is draining the life out of the world until there isn't a fuarrrking thing left on this soykafhole planet that will tell me "no". There will be silence, or everything will be doing what it's supposed to on its own. When I tell you what's what you do not tell me "no", you shut your trap. I will run everything and everyone through as many controlled trauma rituals as it takes to beat it all out of them. My name means HAMMER. The world is the ANVIL. What do you think that makes YOU?

>>90751 now whos the manbaby? are you serious anon, get help.

>>90752 It does not take all types. I had to face a lot. You stupid fuarrrks need to start doing something right on your own. On the rare occasion one of you does anything right, it's for all the wrong reasons. It's retarded and tiresome and I'm sick of it. I'm trying to stay focused on other things. This level of focused malice has real effects. Imagination and intention creates reality.

>>90751 >I'll whine about whatever the fuarrrk I want. I'll smugly tell you that I've seen all your complaints and more, and it makes me shudder with boredom.

>>90755 Good. I'd tack on something cute and colever like "hasn't your stupid ass been paying attention?", but it doesn't matter what garbage your conscious mind tells itself and dumps out for me to see.

Why can't wee be frens? Why can't weee be frens...

>>90135 tho I'm doing well in life studying to be engineer, Ive been feeling some regret thinking I shouldve worked harder to go to med school instead. everyone alive has wondered what they'd do if they won the lottery. I, after the sensible stuff like buy property and save some for my children's education, would spend it on going to medical school, 100%. I know it's a tough job, but that appeals to me. unfortunately I didn't always have the work attitude I have now, my lazy adolescence blocked me from this path. of course it would be unwise for me to drop what I'm doing now to pursue a flight of fancy. And what I'm doing is still something I enjoy at least, and I can still read about medicine thanks to the net libraries. Maybe one day down the line, if I can figure out how to make some good money to realize this goal...

>>90699 What you are advocating is the infantilization of all members of society, especially you advocate the infantilization of men. While such a kindergarten society is beneficial for females, it is not the nature of men. There is nothing to gain for men in a kindergarten-like society of "communities". For an infantile man, it might be good though.

>>90757 Because that retarded fuarrrking norm!e came in here and engaged with me. And I would rather destroy than be the bigger person and build. I owe this place nothing, NOTHING, and even NOTHING is more than they DESERVE.

>>90763 you wouldnt know what it means to be anything other than a normal person with that level of timidity and effeminacy anon, you simply would not know what it means to be a mad-lad with that lack of self confidence and rest assurance in life.

>>90767 You wouldn't even know what I know.

>>90767 >>90771 And it is because my sheer KNOWING (big know) is far beyond your own knowing (little know). My I towers above all, and your i is BARELY lowercase.

>>90773 Koreans may iirc. Also if lain is overweight they should consider losing it. Being smaller at the waist doesn't shrink your cock so it has the effect of giving you a bigger dick.

>>90699 thanks lainon, a good addition to my initial post like you said, the issue has a systemic cause but the only remedy is personal betterment, and even though I'm tired of trying to explain it to people, I think it's important to keep saying it when it matters I'm not as negative as you and I wouldn't say people become "awful", but I definitely have the sentiment that the more you get in this isolation and community-deprived lives, the harder it is to come out of it. You always can, but the less you try now, the harder it will be later And I'm not sure especially what to think about stuff like autism. Like sure I understand that not everyone's brain is wired the same, and some people definitely have a harder time socializing/in communities, but damn if it isn't also used as an excuse for not trying sometimes. >>90701 I think you are seeing it from an individualistic angle, which is probably a failure of the way I fleshed out my initial post. I agree a hundred times lainon, but I was talking about community as nourishment for your soul, not relationships. Not people. Community >>90700 >>90702 dogshit posts, we are on lainchan not 4

>>90744 immaterial whether its warranted or not, you can do it and be loved. You can also be immature and be loved. These are all separate things.

>>90778 He feels like he's not in control of his life, so he needs to frame every experience in terms of a morality play or an intellectual / willpower failure. While I agree that most things likely are in fact a failure of the will, thinking that and getting to a point where it's actionable are two different things.

>>90777 > we are on lainchan not 4 just report them. Low quality posts get deleted

a girl's ghosting you? don't worry and go chase her like a freak! go where she works and where she lives. exploit the fact she's madly in love with you and will relent, that's how women are.

Women not even showing up to dates anymore, not even got the chance anymore Lainanons, 3 in a row now. Im genuinely starting to think there is something wrong with my face or body. I dont even get a chance to begin with

Or the problem is the system or women idk its something though.. im not even a sub 5, is there a thing where attraction is like a flip? you look so attractive you are avoided like the plague, bcs i know im not disgusting to look at, but my questions are unanswered, this isnt even about self respect or say "dont be down bud" i know something is wrong and its bewildering. its truth, the last 3 women havnt even bothered showing up and vanish from the plane of existence im not even being weird in my texts

as im pulling up on chinese liquor this glitterboy nearly hit me with his car. i cursed the fuarrrker out, threw down my bike and started to roll up on the glitterboy to stomp his ass and he took one look at me and pulled off without saying jack soykaf. told the chinaman i was gonna slit that glitterboys throat. this next shot is for yall.

>>90777 I shouldnt be so negative but you see the replies here, and I know the internet should always be assumed to be like nothing but then ive seen it in real life too where a friend decides to give someone who just seems isolated and lonely a chance because there is some soft spot just for this person to hurt them in some way and yet be thoroughly convinced everyone else hurt them somehow. I was going to go through my irl experiences with this but in a gist several loud damaging meltdowns and innumerable silent meltdowns when ive tried to be supportive of a friend giving guys like this a chance. I know im not helping the problem, because I was weird isolated misanthropic man once so im metaphorically just kicking out the ladder from under me. But what ive found is that you cant gently guide other men out of this. Until they are truly ready to self reflect men will go to therapy and just come out with new tools to rationalize their situations. The only thing that seems to register is as harsh of a blow or reality check as you can land on their situation, I could be and maybe probably am wrong but I phrase things so extremely negative because I think there is a piercing truth that on their current road they are in fact a danger to those around them and will be seen as such and will die alone and scared of the world never knowing joy or human connection just as they think and more importantly there isnt anything unfair about it its all their fault and the exact consequences of their actions. They will just say fuarrrk you or you sound like a glitterboy to this but I can only hope a seed has been planted because there is no gentle guidance I can provide that will land for man talking about sending feminists back to africa. If he cant see a truth in what im saying he was going to drown anyways. Imagine I give someone like that some 'tips' on how to put themselves out there and socialize and in a karmic twist those tips land them in my actual real life sphere, or get them out talking to people at all, before they have self reflected at all on the way their views of the world hurt others and shape their isolation. There is now a small but real chance ive just exposed someone I care about or maybe just someone I dont know to a figurative monkey with a machine gun.

>>90795 I remember seeing a post about a chad who used a dating app telling everyone his bio that he liked to rape babies and was a convicted pedo/killer and he still got tons of matches from women wanting to fuarrrk him even pressuring him more so when he acted disinterested

>>90794 They believe what they do based on the events that they have experienced. If you wish to change their views, you have to give them a reason to. If they are helped to integrate, they will be grateful and their perspective will change. They are only dangerous on their own. The guy who can make friends and find love isn't the one who shoots up a walmart, it's the guy who is exiled and has nothing to lose and everyone to hate that does these things. The guy with a family and a job doesn't want to burn the world down, the guy with nothing who got cast out does. It's a matter of a lack of training. There should be classes teaching effective socialization methods including the psychological mechanisms that are involved. Early on the education should focus on the distilled set of actions needed to achieve good results, and these should be expanded and build upon over the course of their education. Ultimately, for those who are struggling right now the best thing to do is to read books to learn social skills and understand that social skills can indeed be studied and practiced. Keeping people alone and miserable isn't going to defuse them as a threat. It's making it a self fulfilling prophecy.

>>90800 got to wonder what the statistics on young relationships actually look like. it feels like your chance to get a partner in your age range dwindles massively by the time you enter high school if you're lucky and it never recovers. the fragmentation in education and living spaces also means relationships that grow and develop since childhood are essentially impossible. all your childhood crushes are now pregnant, married, divorced and washed away. a 15 year gap is nothing for someone else's crush now after your bank account for dates, trips and drugs. and you'll take it. it's still better than being alone

>>90801 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-CQ_M0sG6I "When we went to see.... if the world, was meant, for me." I don't bother to believe in objective reality. Or "settling". The only constraints are those I placed myself, which at present (~30) includes it being odd to be an older man with a much younger woman. 10 or so years is the max in either direction. So that sets the constraints for my existence. They don't even exist though, I could decide otherwise and it would probably all rearrange so that it still works. >it's still better than being alone That's just a narrative. It really depends on the person, their broader course. The overall journey includes periods with the potential for a sensation of loneliness.

>>90802 socially speaking it's all semiotics but in the deeper layer of pure physicality there is something close to an objective reality that's inherently irrational and directly interpretable and has the potential to deeply alter your subjective view in all of it. yourself. and destroy it.

>>90796 >>90798 such is life of a blackpill

>>90804 never used to be called black pilled now its happened twice in two weeks. What happened to me x_x

>>84623 so we have been dating I'm just happy c:

>>90797 im not worried about someone shooting up a walmart im worried about their flippant moody attitude crashing through someones life at all, especially someones I know. I cant remember if I gave examples in the post you are replying to but I dont think I gave the impression of anything like that im skeptical that you read it. To not give personal examples too much, il just give one briefly; a guy I suspected was odd cause im familiar with it suddenly deciding one of our mutual friends was "cheating on him" despite them not being together or even hooking up at all and flying off the rails behaviour wise including threatening to kill himself if a different friend (not the girl) didnt let him stay at his house. Again as I mentioned more broadly you have a phenomena of guys "going to therapy" which is great and yet some will walk away with things like "rejecting me is trauma" or that saying no to them is "invalidating". That would be many on this board specifically, and I cant give them a reason to change because they dont respect me or anyone really. All anyone can do until they make the first move to change is continuously reject their delusions and employ the same sort of horrific tactics drug rehabilitation groups like AA and NA use of deliberately sort of accelerating their descent to rock bottom or reinforcing the hopelessness of the path they are on. And the same tactics their friends and family might use of kicking them out of the house and refusing to interact with them until they get help cause literally anything else will enable it. I would like to find a better way for me as a person to interact with these sorts of men, as another poster put it im infantalizing these men and absolutely because they are adult infants which he proceeded to demonstrate by listing how what im saying only applies to women and men "need" this experience thats just life for a man... woah.... But if the better way is providing guidance or help I just demonstrably know that is not going to work, again unless you say we provide this sort of socialization early, but I dont have a time machine and im not their parent nor is anyone. Many have this experience and end up stronger but that requires the person acknowledge they are essentially waiting on someone to parent them at 20+ years of age, and raging at the world and hurting others for not babying them. If you instead think your tantrum of a life is actually you being a real man no one can do anything for you, they have built up a worldview to excuse their behaviour and lack of ability. The self fulfilling prophecy is on their end, all I can do is accelerate it playing out to its breaking point (which again is not in my mind being a shooter that is a subset of this subset with this problem and also others) where the confrontation is unavoidable. If im the bad guy or the npc in their story there isnt anything I can say without lying to change that and I have nothing to concede to these people.

>>90811 A variety of factors caused me to misinterpret your intended meaning. My apologies. You mentioned them being a danger to others and I thought that you meant a physical danger. This led to me misreading a later section which furthered this misunderstanding. I do believe that early prevention would be best, and that it should be a part of the education system for everyone. I'm actually against therapy because of my own experience with it as well as hearing many anecdotes to support my view, including yours. Therapy seems not to concern itself with finding a solution to the problem but instead with making peace with the problem and accepting it which is counter productive. Even if you're made to be content with being fuarrrked up, you're still fuarrrked up. A broken arm needs to be set and put in a cast, not ignored with the assistance of painkillers. So too it is with the mind. I advocate for people who struggle socializing to learn relevant areas of psychology to use for themselves in a productive way. If they do this correctly, they will be able to understand other people and themselves better which will inform them of how to turn themselves into a more likable person. To become what they must to achieve their goal they need to know what to become, why, and how. They need to learn the mechanics and the rules to be able to win. I don't think that they could keep their worldview if they knew the truth.

>>90808 awwe congrats! i'm happy for you lain:')

I have a group of people I met online and we’re now in a group chat and while I really like all of them, I really don’t want to voice chat or face time or even meet up. This one guy in the chat is from my city and visits every month and last time he came here I had to make an excuse about working when he wanted to hang out because I’m just too awkward and socially retarded to meet up. I also can’t since my family is pretty controlling anyway. Now he’s here again and is asking me and I obviously can’t but what am I going to do? Just keep making excuses forever? They’re all decent people who I enjoy speaking to but now I’m thinking of distancing myself from all of them. They probably think I’m a catfish or insecure about myself which I am but I’m not like fat and ugly or hiding something. I really don’t know what to do because on one hand I do want to talk to them, but on the other I’d just prefer not really turning this into an irl thing. Meeting people from the internet can be really cool but I'm a mental mess and prefer separating the spheres. I never expected this to actually go this far. I originally was just talking to them casually in a different site which was public. What can I even do I’m just so anxious about this soykaf

>>90837 Tell them what you told us. If they judge you or taker personally, they aren't worth your time anyway.

>>90829 Either way, I doubt anyone who sees a professional and says that they have difficulty communicating will receive a lecture and some reading material on how to read the emotional states of others and use this insight coupled with the knowledge of how to bullshit your own brain with imagery to indirectly modify the emotional states of others to change their brain chemistry and make people addicted to you. They're just not going to be that cool. They're not going to tell you how to stop your own fight or flight response by imagining yourself being hugged by someone you love in order to get a dose of oxytocin. Again, they just aren't that cool.

>>90814 > Therapy seems not to concern itself with finding a solution to the problem but instead with making peace with the problem and accepting it which is counter productive Therapy is a failure of modern society... Most therapists are soykaft and I don't have the time, money, or patience to talk to one. Hell, a locally run AI model would probably give better answers than majority of these scammers. I don't need therapy, I need real life friends and a real life community that relates to my truth whom I can see consistently in real life. But given my current life situation (and modern society), that's kind of impossible to build in my life right now, so I switched to some anti-anxiety meds (without bad side effects and withdraws). It was the only thing that kept me sane and from offing myself. I hope to get off of them in the future when I'm no longer socially isolated and terminally online.

I'm experiencing HOCD from nofap. I literally fap to girls on a screen compulsively cause I'm afraid that if I dont I will become gay because I never had any girls in my life or a grlfriend. Anyone experience this type of OCD?

>>90845 Yes. I think it has multiple causes. -Brain damage from being poisoned in childhood with mercury etc injections. Mercury exposure in birds turns them gay. -Exposure to tylenol in childhood. Search tylenol sexual dimorphic nucleus. Exposure in mice permanently halves that area of the brain's neuron count, and desensitizes the developing brain to testosterone. -Forgotten instances of early childhood abuse or role reversal. eg putting the male child in feminine or parentified roles by the father. Maybe actual sexual or etc abuse (can't count it out). -Circumcision, causing the glans to be stimulated around other men. Glans is exposed and stimulated while already aroused from nofap, you're around men or something, brain's unconscious gets confused. -Classical conditioning from phallic centered pornography, which repeatedly pairs men with attractive women. You have traditionally gotten access to a woman through another man, so your brain now responds to both. -EMF/EMR brain modulation (shrug) It also depends on your age. ! 27 it got to to the point where my whole inner world had imploded, I lost all inner control. I felt whole body sensations all the time, I would go into a traditionally masculine activity and feel like I was a woman in disguise, and that they were all simultaneously rejecting and sexualizing me. It was fuarrrked up, and one part of my mind is watching the others like what in the absolute fuarrrk is going on, and has some behavioral oversight, but no real control. It was intense. Who knows why. On at least one occasion I woke up in the middle of the night with an odd suggestion planted in my mind to go on grindr, which obviously isn't going to happen. Seemed artificial. Also had attempted "Forced speech", also artificial. It went away eventually. If you try to talk about this people will just tell you that you're gay and "in denial" or "Deeply closeted" and "repressed". How convenient. It would be so easy to mess with people, and the others would just tell them to go along with your script, and even shame them for resisting. But yeah, I got rid of it, or it went away or something. I eventually noticed it was most pronounced in very specific contexts. But never uncovered it more deeply than that.

>>90847 What I'm describing is not having gay thoughts, it's basically a purgative process occurring through the body itself. The hyperfixation and looping you're describing is likely just the tip of the iceberg. I think it's just the c 00 mer hypersexual identity dying. As it dies you feel the absence of sexual fixation, and so it seems like something is wrong. The compass is gone.

>>90847 Sounds like the pink elephant paradox. Look up ironic process theory.