why am I the way I am

>inb4 edgelord It seems the only thing I've ever been good at is hating. I have almost no empathy, as it seems. It's been like this as long as I can remember. No, I'm not underage. I've never been good at making friends. When I was in middle school I was bullied by some of my friends, so I fought one of them. Since then, I've never had more than 7 friends at the same time. My current friends include: a white supremacist that doesn't want to admit it, a white supremacist who does admit it, a guy who has literally no opinions on anything, a slavaboo, and some guy who I knew in highschool for a year and haven't seen in person since. I'm not sure why Ii wrote all of that, but I guess it helps provide some background. I myself am only able to empathize with feelings of hatred, anger and isolation. I hate so many things. I am mixed race, but I hate race mixing and racial minorities, despite technically being both of those things. I also hate boring things. I would like to have regular friends and do regular things but they all just bore me so much. I don't like nice, good people. They all just bore me so damn much. I have always liked fantasy, games, etc. but always find myself drawn to traitor or well written evil characters. When I say 'evil' I mean in opposition to the main character(s) in such a way that they do have their own proper Ideals that are not just "I wanna kill things." Whenever I got in fights, it felt good, even though- no, maybe because - I was hurting people. I am by no means a sadist, and I don't like snuff or gore or any soykaf like that. In essence, all I can do is feel hate and apathy, and sometimes sadness. I don't even enjoy being happy, happiness is an overrated emotion. Am I an inherently evil person, fundamentally broken, or is this ok? Are any other lainons like this?

Hey, another mixed race person! I don't hate people of other races, I just dislike the tribalism. I prefer people of my same interests rather than people of the same race because I don't always get alone with other black people but people regardless of race like me generally. I laugh at race supremacists. But as far as hate? I really hate people who interrupt my work and don't respect my efforts, maybe hate is a strong word though.

an evil broken person wouldn't ask if he was evil and broken.

This is what reading Kurt does to you

Fear of harm phenotype

>>8467 What is kurt?

>>8468 That’s interesting, but I don’t think that’s what I have. I just read some medical page about it and I don’t have the basic “fear” needed for that- in fact, I enjoy putting my life in danger.

>>8470 Some people react to fear by lashing out or going into fights intentionally to make themselves feel bigger or to appear like that to others. Have trouble sleeping? Raised temperature (during sleep/winter time -> no need for blanket or extra clothes?) ? Have vivid imaginations of killing others and hurting them? Having dreams as such?

>>8452 Did you think about military service? I spent a few years in a former french colony gunning down skinnies, it's fun as hell and exactly what you need if you hate boring.

>>8472 Nah, it’s not like that at all. I literally just don’t feel empathy. My friend calls me a psycopathic serial killer.

>>8472 It’s more like... I enter a state of blind, zealous rage. I wonder if religion feels something like that. Maybe not with rage, but zealous emotions probably feel great. It’s like a trance or something.

>>8452 The problem is that you need to know people for a while usually before they seem interesting. If you like fantasy and games there's plenty of less soykaf people that are into those things. Get therapy. Perhaps bad advice but if you find some ccol people do an MDMA session with them and get soykaf off your chest with em

bump

I'm pretty similar OP. Though I feel it less strongly, usually it's just weak hatred and contempt I feel. I find that I can avoid feeling too much hatred so long as I don't interact with people at all. I don't pay attention to the news, I avoid public places, I don't have friends, no social media, I try not even to use chans. Hell this is my first time interacting with anyone online or in person for almost 4 months, for the most part I just read (text)books, drink, smoke, watch anime, play singleplayer video games, occasionally try new solo hobbies. It's not a good life, but it's better than frothing at the mouth with anger all the time, knowing I can't actually do soykaf unless I want to go to prison to get butt raped by some butch negro named Bubba for the rest of my life. Anyways, whatever you are, you aren't totally alone. Try to keep a stiff upper lip and carry on.

>>8846 Oh and as to why you are this way, probably just how you were built. Think it's in the genes, these kinds of brain problem. Well unless you got some obvious trauma or neglect like some stranger raping you when you were a kid or something. That can do it too.