Schizoid-ism and Meaninglessness

Sorry if it's a weird blog or rambling, but I just want to scream into the void: I've been reflecting on the existential angle of being a schizoid (and I'm not one). For those who don't know, schizoids are basically pretty normal people but who don't care about relationships and don't pretty much feel anything (including emptiness) and yet they don't care. They might look very stoic but when I think of myself being in their shoes it is utterly sad and scary. Given the fact that schizoids have no emotions despite their intellectual abilities, and cannot imagine themselves in ways where they feel discomfort in the future, thus having no goals or plans but live in the here and now similar to stray cats, but also not experience pleasure either and just spend their leisure time learning C++ a bit for absolutely no reason and then quickly leave it, read Schopenhauer for the 80th time on his pessimism while feeling nothing about it, and watch a movie over and over again, just to pass time. They don't care if they ceased to exist or died as long as if it's not painful for them. So, this means that even if a schizoid who grew up agnostic (e.g. in Latvia or something), he won't ever think about whether death or whether there can be something after it, whether reincarnating or going to Hell etc. Because that discomfort isn't right at his face, the schizoid will simply go "meh" about that again, and go to the cycle of sleep -> eat -> work -> kill time -> repeat, over and over again. It just didn't make sense to me how they can't think and imagine their future selves (or maybe that's not true?). Like, when I think about it, from that mentality of the schizoid nothing ever makes sense in this whole existence, and your emotions of despair don't matter either; it's all like pure nihilism or absurdism but without any motivations or emotions. I thought of it like imagining a video collage of a frog playing Banjo, footage of people fighting, cute dogs playing around, my friend calling me out, the whole Solar system moving, E. coli in intestines, Hiroshima bomb, baby Rei Ayanami, Jews praying, Hitler yelling at a speech, et cetera et cetera and that makes me feel literally so scared and afraid, it makes me cry heavily thinking from that schizoid's perspective of life, that absolutely nothing ever matters and meaningless, including me whether or not crying hard or going "meh" is this way. It just feels scary as hell to put myself in a schizoid's shoes. I don't know how to explain it. From the schizoid's perspective, it's just acceptance for everything. Nihilists are atheists, the schizoid can be theist but not care about God, Hell or Heaven even if he believed in them. Like, it's as if they're telling us that all emotion is meaningless, so why care about them? I've wondered if this schizoid way of thinking is even a school of thought in itself.. The only thing that doesn't make sense to me, even rationally, is that they don't care about the future. I thought that they seek to just be cozy even if they don't care about anything, but no... they don't care about catastrophic events happening to THEM unless if it's in the here and now. But I think they are irrational here, just like normal people who are comfortable and don't think about a possible future dystopia. I am not talking about emotional urgency, but the will to care about the future even when they don't feel like it, since it is the right thing to do. That's very comforting, it shows that schizoids aren't "RATIONAL HYPERINTELLIGENT CREATURES" but also very flawed like everyone else... So it's okay to have friends, and to be happy... :D Any thoughts, lain?

>>84030 I was diagnosed schizoid, and my life matches closely to what you described. You're right. Schizoids aren't hyper-rational robots, although it usually appears that way. For instance I'm emotionless 99% of the time, but if I think my teeth are rotting or I'm losing hair or I'm aging faster, I start to panic and fall into a downward spiral of fear. Despite this, the thought of homelessness doesn't scare me and there's a "Come what may" attitude to it all. To be honest, a 100% rational human doesn't even make sense because all forms of pleasure are sort of irrational/emotional. Even if a schizoid just wants to lie in his bed all day, there's still a comfort he gets from that. If he were really apathetic, he would just do hard labor for 14 hours a day since it wouldn't make a difference and he'd get paid. We're all just emotionally suppressed like James in silent hill 2. We can go deep enough and eliminate all the trauma and barriers to make us feel again, but that's opening Pandora's box. Because those old problems we had never went away, you know? I remember being 12 years old staring at the ceiling with tears in my eyes because my parents are going to die one day. But as a schizoid, when one of my parents almost died I felt nothing. Both options suck, but one is less painful. I guess until I find a 3rd option, I'll just stay a schizoid.

>>84031 >but if I think my teeth are rotting or I'm losing hair or I'm aging faster, I start to panic and fall into a downward spiral of fear. So I think schizoids are on a spectrum, some are way too detached and indifferent towards ageing or even death (as long as it's not painful, again). Maybe you're not afraid of homelessness because it's already not something you can imagine putting yourself in, but ageing is happening to you right now lol. Also I do know that you guys just want to be cozy, rather than doing hard labor all day.

Honestly just sounds kind of normal. >cycle of sleep -> eat -> work -> kill time -> repeat This must describe billions of people.

>>84034 Most likely it does work on a scale. The fear of losing teeth and aging is closely related to fear of death for obvious reasons. So I imagine fear of death is the most primal emotion we have. Only if you're nodding off on opiates or something does it temporarily go away. But yeah, there's honestly lots of methods to exit the schizoid state if you really want to. Psychedelics, meditation, lucid dreaming, holotrophic breathwork, etc. Staying a schizoid long-term is irrational unless you're somehow content to die like that. Unfortunately the world has changed A LOT since I last had emotions, so if I was struggling back in 2012 I know it would be way worse now. For now, I'm gonna practice my art so I can potentially make a game. Art feels like one of the only good goals nowadays. When I look at reports of dating, careers, economy, they mostly look really bad.

This is something that gets stronger over the years. At least that's how I experience it. The worst part is, even if I'm not disturbed by what's going on, there's only one consequence of what I've lost that makes me extremely anxious for the future; I clearly feel that my cognitive abilities are limited. A brain that is deprived of experiencing new things, not being able to have emotions, not being able to have enthusiasm and many similar things remains a seriously dysfunctional pile of meat.

>>84068 that chart to apply to anyone

Im not a schizoid but I have major depressive disorder and can in bouts enter that mindset. IE one where im extremely apathetic to relationships and my emotions have little sway, or sometimes im just not conscious of them at all. One thing to note is one can be schizoid and rational, I think they appear as if they have no care of catastrophic events happening to them cause as you say the emotional response is muted But they can learn these things do hurt them (and others). Although it seems you understand this, but im not sure where the concept of a schizoid being hyper intelligent and purely rational that you are sort of coming to understand isnt true comes from. Being rational in that way is to some degree learned and its often the lack of inherent motivation to learn or care about others that leads someone who is schizoid or schizotypal to sort of rely on their own internal world and logic instead, which often can be irrational. Another thing to consider is that we consider emotions something we feel or not but many times we feel them and yet are not aware of them, this makes them functionally non existant but not really non existant. If we feel lonely but have no conscious awareness of this feeling we might drift off into a fantasy world in our heads full of people seemingly without reason but its in fact what we are doing in place of socializing to resolve this. Maybe we do this so much throughout our upbringing that as adults we have no interest in other people cause that need is entirely met within ourselves. As such I wouldnt say for certain that people with schizoid personslity disorder dont experience despair, joy, reward and defeat, etc. Its possible they do but just arent aware of it and so they cant consciously make decisions off of it. People with schizoid personality disorder have the expected marker of having an increased risk of suicide, meaning on some level deep down (or maybe not so deep down) they can imagine something preferable to the existence they are living. Likewise on a more positive note when you point out something like "learning c++ for absolutely no reason" there probably is a reason but its not clear to them and so it cant be communicated to you. Not to read too much into your post but it seems like the idea of someone like this posed a seeming threat to your way of life, you thought, and your glad they are flawed like everyone else. Im a little bit more (genuinely) curious about why that is or what led you there because I think most know and even those with schizoid personality disorder know that its not exactly peaceful existence. There is people with disorders where they more intensely feel the ups and downs of life and those where its all more muted, and generally either one is going to create some suffering for you if you deviate too far. Being too emotionally responsive makes it hard to stick to longer term goals and being too little makes it hard to even formulate long term goals in the first place because you have no idea what even matters to you. Its not a competition to be one or the other.

>>84071 No no, of course not. But if it did, how worried should that person be? Asking for a friend. I don't actually have friends.

All that you wrote reads to me as being in an enlightenment-like state.

>>84072 The reason it terrified me is that I initially thought schizoids represented the ultimate "rational" approach to life. I equated emotions in my mind with weakness and believed that only pure logic and intellectual detachment were ideal. I thought this mindset made schizoids these hyper-rational beings... but then I realized that when living like this, nothing matters, literally nothing. It’s not just that they'd avoid emotional suffering or don't care about relationships. It’s that they don't even care about future consequences, dangers, or even if they died as long as the pain isn't immediate. Even if Hell is real, they won't care about it at all unless it's right in their face, which would otherwise lead them to psychosis or whatever. That's how I thought of it and why I found it so horrifying. I thought being schizoid was the """rational""" way to live life, but that turned it into a massive nihilistic nightmare. Literally everything becomes pointless, and even self-preservation isn't motivating unless there's immediate danger. But when I realized that schizoids are flawed too, (irrational in their own way, like being lazy or unmotivated) that was pretty comforting. They just don't feel like doing something necessary instead of following some rational principle lmaooo. Now I've changed my mind about emotions. :) Also, I don't think emotions are """that""" terrifying, really. I believe that anyone can control them, like an automatic computer unless you have something severe (e.g., psychosis, schizophrenia, depression, bipolar) which might take a bit more time.

>>84078 The biggest lesson of the last 500 years is that when you try to pare life down to exclusively the rational and find the most logical way to live, you eliminate everything that makes life worth living.

>>84078 >>84084 Someone actually tested this theory. See: Mitchell Heismann

>>84087 2010* not 2012. I made a typo apparently when I archived it.

>>84030 > from that mentality of the schizoid nothing ever makes sense in this whole existence, and your emotions of despair don't matter either; it's all like pure nihilism or absurdism but without any motivations or emotions. it is by choice or it doesn't matter. maybe has something to do with irrational actions or lean on irrationality which is also very non-deterministic which also has a value in the genetic side of things (keep in mind though schizoids to you seem irrational they are rational in their own perspective and it's the opposite where the rational is irrational. for instance I think that people are irrational for being sane, if a dog suddenly gained our intellect they will likely be insane or mention how insane people are for accepting this or that thing or being this or that way). if all people picked one path they will all follow similar ruin and the entire humanity is toast. schizoid to me seems like it's just some idiosyncratic thing and not bad.

>>84030 i've always had similar ways of seeing the world, rather apathetic and indifferent towards most of everything, even my mother's death and the loss of other close ones never affected me much. but i don't consider myself schizoid really, just a distant person, i feel somewhat miserable at times and instead of literally not caring about anything there are certain specific things that really make me feel, mostly connection and company >So I think schizoids are on a spectrum If this is the case i may be in that spectrum but idk really. i personally prefer to think that i'm just a really detached human Also i wanted to share this song since i think it conveys this state of being in some way https://youtu.be/CCQclTVjiS8?si=sdm1VLcy7V3ADFVC

>>87404 >mostly connection and company Doesn't sound like schizoid for me, but I do get your detachment from most things which you just don't care much about, I felt like that sometimes too. Schizoids do have feelings but they struggle to show them, most of these feelings are about their inner world, hobbies, or if they're cozy enough with something. Generally they're like Rei in real life, and they can also cry or get depressed alone when something stresses them out or goes along their way, until they return back to how they used to be after.

Interesting thread, even if OP was mistaken and his seeming concern was with emotions themselves and rationality and Schizoids only formed the manifestation of his worries. I've recently taken to think I may be a Schizoid or at least similarly impaired (my family for one believes it to be Autism). I had heard of Schizoids but did not actually know what the symptoms were at all until some time ago when I came across the DSM definition of it by pure coincidence. It piqued my interest as it both fit my own internal diagnosis of myself as well as my family's perception of me, also some more basic descriptors of my personality (literally have been called a 'Kuudere' like Ayanami Rei) by friends wanting to get close to me or the frustration of those who attempted to get closer to me but gave up and either respected my social isolationism or abandoned me completely. This chart in particular >>84068 fits me so perfectly even the symptoms that do not "fit" are merely muted and not completely absent. Behaviours I would take to contradict the rest of the diagnosis are also present in the Covert Features side which annoys me slightly. Doubts which were not caught by the chart were instead named by Lainons in the thread like >>84031 that is accurate enough to cause doubts on its own. I was almost certain my memories of crying over fear of death - whether of my parents or of my own - were proof I'm not completely emotionless and only need a bigger push than usual. Unfortunately it seems in my careless living, something inside me broke along the way.

>>87404 >i don't consider myself schizoid >i'm just a really detached human I mean, isn't that basically what being schizoid is? Do you have a resistance against labels?

It's a bit funny. Most "normal" people are scared of schizoids, even thought schizoids want to be just left alone. But even the fact that schizoids aren't affected by social pressure makes many people afraid. I guess they confuse asocial with anti-social haha. >>84030 > it shows that schizoids aren't "RATIONAL HYPERINTELLIGENT CREATURES" but also very flawed like everyone else... Exactly! Moreover, schizoids tend to develop uncommon beliefs because they are alone most of the time. Some of those beliefs are in deed good but some of them aren't tested against arguments of other people, so some of the beliefs can be flawed.

>>87869 >I guess they confuse asocial with anti-social haha. Nope, I'm not talking about social pressure or anything but the idea of whether or not "nothing matters" to schizoids, except I realized that they just want to live comfortably in their heads or hobbies... but when things get messed up that threatens that comfiness, they might struggle harder to cope with it. Schizoids have their depressions too sometimes, but they do it differently. Basically they are all Rei irl, it's pretty much just that lol.

>>87813 I care about connection and as far as i know the schizoid is distant even towards the idea of connection and i'm not like that, i look at the world with indifference but i still crave connection yknow >Do you have a resistance against labels? probably, never thought about that

chizoid PD is definitely a spectrum because severity of symptoms is different from person to person. I've had just one manic episode in my life and now I understand what being alive feels like. It's when you experience the full set of emotions from euphoria to depression and not just unending *meh* mood

>>88041 >i look at the world with indifference but i still crave connection yknow I believe that still falls within the covert aspects of Schizoids, you'd need what amounts to brain damage (like how Psychopaths have shrunken amygdala) to not crave social connection in some level. I don't know much about SzPD but I would say it's more about being detached from the world and others or exercising unnecessary caution with relationships and so avoiding connecting with others. If you've had people attempt connecting with you at a deeper level and either felt indifferent to their efforts or afraid of the possible consequences, you probably are a Schizoid or someone with a similar condition. If you crave closer connections with the people you know or are easy to further connect with people then it's very unlikely. Simply wanting more is normal, the behaviors you take when you're actually confronted with more is what defines you.

>>88044 What caused said episode? It would be nice to remember what emotions feel like again.

>>84087 this is quite interesting, thx for sharing. personally, i probably have depression and slight autism (seeing a psychiatrist within a week actually), with a substance abuse problem thats gotten worse in recent years (im in my mid 20s). a friend of mine killed himself a few years back. i still think about it often. such a socially damaging act. in my experience, the people around you and the people around them are harmed forever. even tho ive been suicidal ive always maintained i could never go through with it. rather abandon all possessions and become a monk or a vagrant. much better to delude yourself into some "normal" self-sustaining lifestyle or even bandaging it all with drugs than becoming an hero. your suffering is just amplified and spread around in the worst way. i wish i had more practical advice but im not exactly at my best rn. exercise, meditation, good diet, good habits/activities are all solid endeavors. being socially active and/or having an enriching job seem very helpful too but those have been difficult for me as of late. hang in there lain <3

>>88294 Manic love. The details are so ridiculous that I would be really embarrased to talk about it

>>88329 have u tried taking oxytocin supplements? ive heard some think autists are deficient in it. i wonder if it would help you

>>88329 ppl here arent "disordered" just undersocialized and stigmatized lol. as always, do you know that what you're describing is normal and happens to a lot of people? called being "crazy in love", ever heard that term? lol people go touch grass seriously.

>>88391 hi i did this and specifically did oxy injections - it helps but something like electromagnetic therapy and field healing like 1) being in nature and 2) schumann tuning is much, much more effective. particularly the former and then if done together the latter

>>88414 Being crazy in love is not my "schizoid" experience. Schizoid experience is when you moved out your hometown, hit puberty, and now it is twelve years since then and you have made no new friends. Simply because you didn't want to make any at all. Alongside with minor things like not experiencing much of emotions, feelings, attachments, etc. Which on contrast with a manic episode is very noticeable.

>>88416 you're saying that oxytocin injection is worse than placebo, which makes sense as injected oxytocin doesn't cross the blood brain barrier and is only used for bleeding and labor contractions.

>>84030 >>84078 the obsession with """rationality""" (and stoicism for that matter) is the single cringiest trait of this generation, and the west in general. ngl i have fallen for that trap as well. What should actually be done, is acknowledge that humans are inherently irrational at their core (prone to biases, fallacies, fears) and find ways to work around that. You can't deny your very nature out of existence. On Schizoid PD. When I read the DSM and the wiki page, I ticked off 99% of the traits. However I feel normal (or ok/fine whatever that means). The only time that belief is challenged is when I'm forced to compare myself and my life to societal standards and checklists. I spent some time online on a zoid space, and it was indeed validating to hear that there are others like that. But, as with all other things, it got old for me. I find that attaching a label like that, or any other label, just serves to limit me. I detest being labeled with something that apparently "has no cure". Like fuarrrk that, seriously. Self-undiagnosing myself. I've had enough.

>>84030 I think not being rewarded in childhood gives you this, or constant admonishment, if it's like that it's fixable or can be made worse from later experiences. Otherwise it's likely tied to genetic psychopathy and dysfunction with the regulatory system.

>>90106 My personal theory is it's related to schizophrenia, or something. Maybe I'm just crazy.

>Given the fact that schizoids have no emotions despite their intellectual abilities, and cannot imagine themselves in ways where they feel discomfort in the future what the fuarrrk are you on OP?

What a dogshit thread kek. Schizoids aren't lobotomized niggers. Schizoids can think about future discomfort, they fantasize about being powerful and successful a lot but that's a different thing. Schizoids have 10x more internal emotions than neurotypicals. They are locked down on the exterior and don't like to talk about themselves, but can talk and laugh about other things just fine. >it makes me cry heavily thinking from that schizoid's perspective of life, that absolutely nothing ever matters and meaningless, are you trans btw?

>>90231 This. OP is describing a psychopath with anhedonia and burned out dopamine receptors. Not a diagnosed schizoid but I basically fit the description as much as can be. 30 year old khhv with no friends and pretty apathetic about it, not incel since I've gotten female attention when I wasn't fat and younger. I am getting older and do want to experience a proper relationship to see how I feel about it before it becomes impossible, so working on that now. The best way I can describe my ideal social life is belonging to a community but never saying anything. Kinda like being that guy in the back of the classroom who sticks to himself, as long as I'm in that classroom I'm happy. I have tried to make friends but every time I talk to people they say the dumbest soykaf possible and have these retard takes on every other topic. Even when they talk about the soykaf they like and take an interest in which I have minimal knowledge of I know more about them and it's absolute cringe. It's like I already know everything about these people before they even open their mouths. On the other hand, the people who actually have an indepth expertise and actually smart enough to figure things out are usually so weird they have 0 social skills and are dorks/nerds that I wouldn't want to hang out with anyway. >>90106 Everyone has different reasons for being schizoid, mine is mostly people are either too stupid or autistic for me to enjoy their company(or I'm just too big of an asshole and very proud of it). Finding a community of people that are in that sweet spot is practically impossible. High standards I guess, and being the outcast as a kid for being fat made me learn to enjoy being alone so I learned to live without relationships. I am under socialized and come off a bit awkward but I got enough social skills to get by and friendly with lots of people at my gym, work. I can approach random people on the street and have 0 social anxiety.