My Escort/Massage Parlor Addiction Feels Rooted In Something "Biological"

I'm wondering what could potentially be the root, primary cause for my escort and massage parlor addiction. I reckon this topic is going to get me called a lot of slurs, a lot of insults, and generalizations about my very character, but that's ok and you're free to cogitate whatever judgement about me, but I am developing a deep sensation that there is something deeper regarding my addictions. As of writing this, I am 26 days sober from ever having visited an escort, but there have been multiple instances where I've came close. Yet despite that, my memory and experiences during those encounters feel very weird. I feel incredibly defeated, despondent, and just about any synonym for being capaciously depressed. I have struggled with an escort addiction for five years now since I was 19, and until I decided to take some nootropics online, I have noticed that it all feels rooted in something within me rather than just an emotional, psychological need to not be alone. I have taken Piracetam, Noopept, and currently as of now, Phenylpiracetam. I have experienced an elevated, boosted mood and some degree of concentration, leaving me far more motivated to accomplish and do things that I, under "normal" circumstances, would find very challenging and almost impossible to do. I do not want to spend the rest of my life, oscillating between psych ward after psych war, SSRI after SSRI, because there are some very alien things that I have experienced in my state of consciousness that I cannot explain. All of the floaters and sprites I see have faded over the past two or three days, but time feels strangely out of sync, and has begun to move faster or slower depending on my state of being. I kind of forgot I almost had these kind of addictions, but that has left me very curious. What could possibly be the cause of my addictions? I'm very afraid of searching for the answer, as I feel like my dabbling with nootropics, has allowed me to open a window in the sight of a possible revelation. Something far weirder and more terrible is going on, than just the same repeated prosaic mantras of being a porn addict(the two aren't mutually exclusive imo to a degree) and I really want answers to this. Not going to blogpost any further, but the addiction and whatever within me that caused it, has costed my chance to develop a relationship and that's why I have launched a dedicated crusade against it. I just want peace, I don't understand what I did to deserve to have something like this.

If it helps , i am a schizo going wild with a project(which could be to much for me), my pp is 12 cm, i am glitterboy and i live in a catholic environment. Despite all this, i am doing my best with what i have. Pls do your best too.

i really can't stand americans... read some theory/lit on your country and you'll find something helpful. it's literally not that complex

>>83073 I barely consider myself to be an American citizen. At this stage, I'm nothing more than a metric unit on someone's census than a human being.

>>83074 why do you complicate so much?

>>83075 Trauma and what not. The most banal, but also the most logical answer. My childhood was pretty bipolar, and sometimes, I feel like I'm the only coherent identity in my entire life to be able to exert his own will, but it came at the cost of losing out socializing. I have very few close friends, and if possible, I'd like to choose a way for me to leave this world. After my first encounter left me in financial destitution, I began to take a romantic interest in someone at a local mall my area. I still remember her name to this very day and I often picture wanting to be part of her life. Unfortunately, due to the myriad of circumstances surrounding my life, that wouldn't be possible, but who knows.

>but its because of how I feel inside I was born like this why is everyone like this now?

human touch = serotonin release there is your biological need for contact

>>83080 perhaps the internet has spread the gift of oversocialization to the masses raised on it

>>83080 >>83082 more about everyone gotta be special. So unique bad trait is seen better than nothing special Same reason everyone is self-diagnosing something.

>>83083 i could see that, after all american culture is one of conformity. interesting how people are trying to break out of that now, but perhaps this is like the hippie movement v2 lol

>>83080 LGBT propaganda and its spillover. Genetic determinism is also a convenient narrative for big pharma to drug you for life. Lastly it makes people resistant and rigid, yet simultaneously malleable if you can control those base layers. ie, they're golem. You're watching and intercting with biobots, and biobots just want to have an identity while still belonging to the group.

>>83081 fpbp OP's biological need is to goon. It makes them seek out massage parlors. There's no escape from this meat prison but to live with the pain. Godspeed. >>83086 Next to genetic determinism the idea of the blank slate is equally if not even more idiotic. You can not just go and change nature arbitrarily in fundamental ways without it blowing up in your face, no matter if you tackle people's brain chemistry or social conditioning. Thinking the contrary is dangerous hubris.

>>83080 A philosopher named Russo realized he was a piece of soykaf 300 years ago. Being a narcissist, he decided to base a whole philosophy around how it wasn't his fault because society made him this person, rather than owning up to the role he played in his own straying from grace. This started a cultural obsession with defending the "true self" and now the worst thing you can do is deny your "true self." Except conveniently, this self is only ever defined as all the stuff that's most base and compulsive about you, and none of the things that are noble or strong. If you talk about cars you'll sort them by how fast they can go, but with humans we seem perfectly fine reducing them down to whatever their minimum operating capacity is. We assume arbitrarily that if you have to try, then it's not the real you. No striving necessary anymore, just melt into your lowest form and justify it as being your true identity. So now there are people now who consider swallowing cum and getting buttfucked to be so central to their identity that they MUST announce how much they love cum and buttfucking to their 90 year old grandmother or they're basically letting society rob them out of their true self. The truth is that if you're ever using your nature as an excuse, you're doing it wrong.

Well, no fuarrrking soykaf. We all have the basic urge to reproduce and spread our genes. But is it really necessary to channel it in this manner? Can you not buy an onahole? Are you so niggerbrained that you lack basic impulse control? How do you like the idea of getting one of your hookers knocked up? No protection mechanism fully effective 100% against pregnancy or STDs, and many STDs transmit even if a condomn is being worn. I'm horny all the fuarrrking time, but instead of making soykafty choices like you, I actually channel my horniness into safer or more productive means. The answer is don't be a fuarrrking nigger. Also, stop the Patchouli avatarfagging. It is grating.

>>83095 >everyone has the urge to reproduce >solve it by getting a rubber doll >imagine the horror of having children >this is what I call productivity checks out

>>83095 >spread our genes. again i tell you THE GENES ARE NOT OURS!

>>83070 >my desire to have sex feels biological really? that's CRAZY dude.

>>83089 >8 I actually think I found my own solution. It's just that I'm very scared to go to the doctor, but I just didn't know what was going on really. I'm currently reckoning assembling a list of feelings, so that a pertinent professional may figure out what to do.

>imagine the horror of having children It's less that having children is horror but that you seriously want to choose a person to have children with wisely. Do you want to risk having a child with a woman who sells her body for sex? What kind of cckold are you? I mean, you're creating a new human with thoughts, feelings, and emotions. You need to be in a stable place emotionally and financially, ideally, although this does not take place most of the, in order to be able to provide for a child. By "or something else productive," I mean reading, meditating, or some other kind of hobby to channel your sexual energy into. But yes, ultimately, onaholes are superior to escorts from a risk standpoint. Also cheaper.

>>83072 Medicating the schizo-ness is necessarily the first step

>lemme tell you my brothel stories sigh what has lainchan come to?

>>83070 didn't really read that much into it but since you mentioned depression immediately I would tell you first that understanding depression is really helpful. it is what I think a disparity in your current self and what you can be or could/should have been - which is actually a healthy thing otherwise people would feel good becoming worse version of themselves and if this goes on for generations humanity or human society would fall. when one gets a major or mild physical disability it can cause that, not achieving something - less than what you perceive you could, or more than what it should be (perceive that it should be lower than your performance), also sometimes people (though rarely) even feel this to be external not internal such as they live the good life, very grateful, privileged but feel like others being unfortunate is affecting them aka the survivor's guilt. past events, regrets. emotions are way to navigate but there are times when it becomes a feedback loop that we think our current helplessness or powerlessness on the things is affecting our future (what we could be) and then it becomes a spiraling cycle but also this is where things like "learned helplessness" come to be. there are medications for that and it is a billion dollar industry (that tries to at least keep humans sane which is I'm saying it's still in good faith but not a perfect one stop solution) at that but it only simulates how "good" it feels when you really are achieving something which is good for the person but that artificial dopamine or ways to modulate it is actually not ideal in the long run (at moment it is great). there are other things but we're not going to discuss them deeply things like traumas/ptsd which is different from depression but may also be a root cause of depression (e.g, reasons for what is holding them back which is even easier to deal with!). I did have generalized anxiety disorder before and it took time to heal since to me it feels like a cycle or an energy trapped in me and couldn't do things due to it and kept having physical symptoms of panic when I try to start to do things which itself is kinda limiting - it was more of a battle of subconscious to me than anything, no amount of reasoning, distracting, logic and rewarding things could disable it - it just fixed itself over time. then I even had a mild PTSD which were recurring nightmares which also was fixed when I simply accepted the fact though it was more of something that also fixed itself over time and had to do with the subconscious. I think part of it is understanding that it wasn't really my fault which it really is, but part of me thinks that it was my fault for not noticing the signs, it all always boils down to the first betrayer that is for sure - I didn't understand it immediately but it helps to know, the one time recognition is enough and we just have to deal with what we have at the moment. I think that depression is the natural response or course and is healthy so that people would strive for something great (achieving) or right feelings (emotion) - if one did betray others the feeling of guilt or abuse they did can also be part of this depression. some people also fail to accept and confess their darkness within and fail to live above it, they self-deprecate or rather this is a very general thing for people to have - people usually don't and so they live this delusion not accepting their life or identity so they fail to grow or live above their lows. another thing is that depression usually entails to harm which mostly it becomes a form of self harm it's usually not supposed to happen but there are things that worsen it, like echochambers the like of discord making "depression" kind of a subculture thing and has devolved into somewhat prideful vanity people posting their scars or self-harm and then making content or videos or playlists that support it though I don't like to point it out it's part of the problem - that those depressed may eventually gravitate towards these cultures. I kind of saw through those circles and thought it was absurd and "redundant". Even really surprising that I was not even aware that I had GAD, PTSD, and depression, maybe my will is just built different but I know that I hit rockbottom and got out of it - only to get hit with it again when I had the angels sing to me - an accurate experience of the ghost variations along with some kind of weird imagination/thoughts caused by sleep deprivation/disruption and night chills while having constant binaural beats in the form of multi-tone tinnitus (each ear different frequency causing a third phantom tone) and it really gave me answers and made me optimistic yet pessimistic at the same time which I would not want to ever get back into - almost made me want to go full Schumann but I'm glad I got through it one piece. I think I've experienced these damning things and escaped but I think it's still not the worst thing (like physical+mental+actual torment like what others suffer) though my mental fortitude is probably really good. I had developed some kind of looking down on these privileged people that "had depression" I think it's hard to argue with those people let alone help them, I'm not pointing out posters here but in general suffering is not great but I just hope they tone down on making it some kind of a subculture it's not really helping. All people suffer to a great extent but some may not but what's the point if one is say a trust fund kid set for life but never experienced any pain I think that's not what it is to be human they have not experienced "life" and that's bad I won't even want to live that kind of life as it feels like it's very empty though I think that the overall suffering of people should be lesser. Most of the time people engage in improper feedback loops and lack fresh perspectives. There are things we can do nothing about "It can't be helped" as the Japanese people like to say which is true but we must still strive recovery or resolution, sometimes it's these negative things that help us grow, trees don't grow strong when there's a lack of strong winds and other factors. How can one improve without suffering to any extent? It's part of the process but most just do not have the right perspective. To be depressed is a sign of wanting what should be ideal even subconsciously. Subconscious or active actions may be the answer but at least people could give it a try - fail or succeed. Just avoid the obvious feedback loops.

Yeah, you're lonely and have a sex drive and already crossed the line of going to an escort once. I'd probably get addicted to escorts too if I went once.

>>83883 OP doesn't contain any brothel stories THOUGH