/vent/

old thread hit limit prev: >>79673

Tonight I made a script to hide all text on 4chan so it's just images. Now it's way better. For some reason, most improvements to my lifestyle come down to "limit your contact with other human beings". It's weird because I'm not prejudiced against anyone, I always give people a chance but get disappointed. Even in multiplayer games where communication options are limited, people will always flock to the singular means of being a jerk that the devs left in. This happens all the time and I think, oh let's just play single player games instead. No one's going to try and make you angry, no one's going to kill your mood, it's just a good time.

fuarrrkkkk I constantly bleed out of my ass because hemorrhoids i developed and my horrid mistake of when i first got one i squeezed it till it collapsed so it must have fuarrrked up my blood vessels as the blood flew back through the vein.

>>80925 You can just browsing 4chan yknow. It's not like you'll miss anything.

>>80931 I like the images, that's it

I've had discussions with a friend about women because they were worried about how much I focused on them. I won't detail the fill discussions because you don't need to hear them but here are the main takeaways. - Part of why you're so focused on finding a GF/wife is you're reliant on validation. Obviously this is bad because that creates codependency. - You don't need to focus on women bc you don't have your own life sorted left. They talked about this through the lens of money because I didn't have a high paying job. Though they were trying to basically say I should figure myself out first. I'd call both of these points solid, I don't have any real argument against them. Though if I'm living by their word then there are two things. I'm going for a college degree. So if money's part of getting my life together, it'll be at least 4 years for a bachelor's degree. And I'll likely need to do longer since many positions would put more stake in a master's. The second is even if I mostly have my life together, I'd still need to fix the "validation" mindset first. Courting any woman with those expectations would strain things and create an unhealthy relationship. Both things considered I started combing VNs to see if I could find any pleasant romances. Make fun of me if you want but going by my friend's rules I'm not in a position to be dating. It's all meant to be supplemental stuff that I forget as quickly as I engage with it. Though if I'm going to be doing this for 4 years minimum (bachelor's degree), then can I really put this stuff away when I am in a better position? Even if financially I'm well off, would so much time dedicated to VN romances poison my expectations further? Considering that friend already brought up me needing validation as a vice. Of course I'm arguably falling into old habits because I'm bringing this up in the first place. I'm just wondering what the long term might look like if the short term is just to play through weebtrash stories as a supplement. Maybe I shouldn't overthink it and just enjoy what I can get right now.

>>80952 >codependency This is just pop psychology made up by a Christian cult known as Alcoholics Anonymous. Codependency isn't a thing. A person can be overly reliant on other people, this is known as dependency disorder but it's completely different from what you described and is more about being unable to do literally anything without input from others. It's perfectly normal and natural for people to seek comfort in others support, that is how people are wired, as social creatures. Though it's not a good idea to focus on a hypothetical person because you may miss out on the real ones available because of that. A lot of people do better once they enter a relationship. No one is without problems, so trying to gatekeep relationships away from people with problems is just straight up eugenics.

>>80954 >... This known as dependency disorder but it's completely different from what you described and is more about being unable to do literally anything without input from others. Well I guess I'm better informed now. Thanks for the clarification. >It's perfectly normal and natural for people to seek comfort in others support, that is how people are wired, as social creatures. Well if that's fine then what's the line between having problems a partner pitches in for and suffocating them with personal issues? Maybe it comes down to how often problems come up or how they're presented. Not that I'd know though. It's not like I've been in a real relationship. >Though it's not a good idea to focus on a hypothetical person because you may miss out on the real ones available because of that. There's nothing wrong with dreaming of having something. The fantasy can be nice sometimes. Though realistically yes. Dating someone real would be a bigger win so I can't say you're wrong. >A lot of people do better once they enter a relationship. That happened with my brother so I've actually seen that myself. I can only wish him the best, but we'll see where I end up. >No one is without problems, so trying to gatekeep relationships away from people with problems is just straight up eugenics. I kind of understand the angle you're approaching from, but also it's dumb. While "gatekeeping" eliminates dating opportunities for people with bigger problems in this scenario, the biggest contention with eugenics starts with it being enforced at the state level. It's not like the secret police will bust down my door for texting that girl from my CS class if she responds with a winky face. It's a friendly suggestion from someone who's trying to look out for me.

>>80955 Well the main point is having some balance so you don't wind up in a one track mind where you only focus on trying to get into a relationship but not other things that could benefit you as well. You're confusing the kinds of eugenics I'm speaking of. I'm not speaking of the kind Hitler was about but rather more like the American Eugenics Society.

>>80956 >Well the main point is having some balance so you don't wind up in a one track mind where you only focus on trying to get into a relationship but not other things that could benefit you as well. I think that's why my friend's trying to keep me out of dating? Now that you say that part out loud. It's just that he's very heavyhanded in essentially saying "Don't bother right now." >American Eugenics Society I have never heard of these people. Just quickly skimming Wikipedia (cyberhumped source I know) they held pageants for family fitness and gave out scores for each family unit based on ideal traits.. The 1900s were really strange. I guess if anything, my friend didn't make any sort of eugenics scoring system to determine my eligibility.

The worst thing is having a genuinely rare mysterious medical problem, because absolutely no one will take you seriously. They will insist that your problem is actually common, they'll say you're lying about your symptoms, "you're a hypochondriac", "you're hallucinating". So you realize the medical establishment is useless for this illness, and you take your research to the internet, at which point the net repeats the same unhelpful talking points that you hear from doctors which failed already. Someone will also mention sleep apnea or iron levels or something trite like that. If your medical problem isn't solved by this advice, you're on your own, buddy. You're 100% on your own. Because here's the thing about doctors and psychiatrists: They just follow a script. No doctor wants to "problem solve" and actually figure out what's wrong with you, because once a doctor goes off-script they're taking on a massive liability if anything goes wrong. So they will always choose the safe option, even if that means wasting 5+ years of your life on ineffective treatments. That's the harsh truth. Rare disease? Sorry. Good luck solving it yourself. You're gonna need it.

>>80952 In my experience you won't remain hooked on VN romances, those you like you will have played through at some point, those who aren't great you won't have the urge to complete. You might even grow out of it, spending too much time on visual novels quickly starts to feel silly. In my view you shouldn't fear it too much, but just make sure to evaluate whether you are wasting time needed elsewhere. After having laid out your thoughts like this, I can see that you have the best intentions. May you be successful!

>>80959 He could exercise while reading/playing VNs >>80958 Do you want to say what the medical condition is? Is it actually diagnosed or is it an unknown?

>>80957 How do you feel about putting dating off or cutting time spent on it to make more time for job-related activities?

>>80960 >Do you want to say what the medical condition is? Is it actually diagnosed or is it an unknown? I was diagnosed as schizotypal Two main symptoms: I can't feel emotions* and I can't feel pleasure** *This doesn't mean I'm like a robot. It's more like, if the average person feels their emotions from a scale of 0 to 100, I feel them from a scale of 45 to 55. Nothing is really that bad, but nothing is really that good either. Everything is just incredibly numb to the point of universal apathy. **There are two exceptions. One is when I haven't tried something before and I like it. The other is when I think something good is going to happen. My brain can motivate itself for pleasure just fine, but it can't physically receive pleasure when something good happens. That is the reverse of how it works for schizos, generally. Doctors and psychs have given me tons of pills, they never produce any effects. Actually, I've discovered that the only way to make these pills produce an effect is to take some medicine and then concentrate pressure on one part of my head by tensing it up. I've done this with caffeine and cough syrup so far, which have made me stimulated and dizzy respectively. This is a recent discovery so I'm still experimenting with it.

>>80963 Schizotypal personality disorder is just being an eccentric. What you describe is not directly associated with it as far as im aware and is known as blunted emotions which I have as well from being depressed for most my life and something broke. Meta meditation in theory could help but for me Ive been trying to just build up the pathways through focusing watching and reading media that is emotionally engaging in a range of different emotions since it seems easier with fiction. It also helps me to just let your emotions flow freely not trying to force or suppress them. I also have had suspicions sarcosine may help as well as medication like naloxone based on research ive read through in past. Do you also feel robotic or cloud like as if you arent quite there or like your head feels like is full of cotton? Or do you feel as if you are in a dream? If so that would be depersonalization-derealization disorder. As for pressure that doesnt sound entirely safe since you can burst blood vessels, you instead could exercise to increase brain blood flow.

>>80961 I'm fine with that. Sort of what I eas thinking of doing anyway. >>80959 Thank you for the support!!!

>>80964 Personally I feel that trying to diagnose this with psychiatric terms is useless. We can't simply make up some disease called depersonalization or numbed emotions, because those are symptoms, not diseases in themselves. The real issue could be anything from a self-imposed mental block which could be solved through meditation, to a parasite, to chronic inflammation, to low brain-oxygen caused by a constricted airway. I've tried sarcosine by the way, it didn't work for me. >Do you also feel robotic or cloud like as if you arent quite there or like your head feels like is full of cotton? It feels like my entire brain has less "conductivity" than it's supposed to. Like a piece of rubber. But when I put pressure on certain brain regions, they "light back up" for a while. This is not a degree of strain that would pop blood vessels; it's equal to the involuntary pressure you might put on yourself when your head's in a gust of wind. >you instead could exercise to increase brain blood flow If it were that easy to solve the symptoms, I would've had it down years ago. Unfortunately this is the only thing I've discovered that helps the symptoms.

>>80966 Have you tried nicotine? It gives me at least a caffeine-like pressure in my head. At least the pouches do, I haven't tried cigarettes

Someone's dog in this building wont stop barking. I'm at the point where I'm dreaming of poisoning it and it's retard owner. God I hate living in flats

>>80967 Yeah I've tried nicotine gum. It tasted disgusting but I remember it produced a minor effect (Kinda forget what it did). However it only worked a single time. The 2nd time I took it, and 3rd, and so on, I didn't feel anything. This is the norm for me with all medicines basically such as antidepressants. I feel some minor effect on the first day and it doesn't really happen again afterward. For example, the latest med I'm on is called auvelity, and it's an experimental antidepressant that combines bupropion with DXM. For most people, the cough syrup in this is so disabling that they walk around feeling stoned or high for a solid month once they start this drug. For me though, I felt it a tiny bit on the first day, but by day 2 I felt totally normal. If I do the head pressure thing though, I can feel the DXM kicking in. It's weird.

There is nothing worse than being ugly, I'm decently tall, did skincare, got /fit/ all this for what? Nothing, I'm still not good enough I'm about to be 25, I'm losing my hair, I have no family, I have never held anyone in my arms, never been on a first date, that's how bad it is. What even is the point in living anymore?

>>80975 >What even is the point in living anymore? to defeat your enemies, to drive them before you, to take from them all they possess, to see those they love in tears, to ride their horses, and to hold their wives and daughters in your arms.

>>80976 i am more interested in the angel stuff, i am tired of being called a glitterboy by my family and friends to be honest

>>80977 you just said you had no family and now you tell me they call you a glitterboy ? get your story straight, or maybe just yourself.

>>80978 not the same guy lol, althoug i pretty far gone, i barely sleep , do lsd and drink massive quantities of monster energy(mainly monarch, nitro and relab ones)

>>80975 Who told you you have to be those things or own those things? The goal has been dlawed from the start. You have made yourself an object to be confomed into another object, you want to possess a wife and kids as objects to collect and own, and for what? More trophies on the shelf? Ask yourself where this all leads and what the true value of it all is? Why are you allowing yourself to be yet another rat in an aimless skinner box of checked boxes and cubicle minds? Live as Quasimodo, happy in ringing bells and simple living. Live a life with true purpose, not the pursuit of objects and façades, live life to be alive. Live life doing what you love, adaptive to its flux, and smelling all those roses. Then you will understand the joy of camus. “We must imagine Sisyphus happy”

>>80966 Yes, psychiatric terms aren't exactly based on anything but regardless depersonalization and derealization are still symptoms and so is blunted emotions. Blunted emotions is contrast to blunted affect. Blunted or flat affect is you feel emotions but dont display them. About feeling your brain has low conductivity, well one way to increase conductivity is through myelanation which you can increase with alpha lipoic acid supplementation. Works by increasing insulation which helps conductivity at least in theory. That is assuming it's not some kind of heavy metal toxicity from mercury or something in which you would need chelation therapy. ALA has a potential side effect for some people of hair loss so you want to take it with biotin on opposite time of day. There isn't a whole lot you can do yourself since you likely couldnt say for example find a hyperbaric oxygen chamber for public use without it being quite expensive a treatment. It also could be low cellular energy which you could increase a few ways, one would be use of exogenous ketones the other way would be increasing ATP synthesis. >>80975 Some people fetishize ugly though. Other than that there also is a range of things different people like. I assume you're a guy or you wouldn't have mentioned being tall. Having a good sense of humor would help since making a girl laugh can make her have general good feelings about you, just don't make a fool of yourself to point you cant also be taken seriously. About hair loss just keep your DHT down get proper nutrition for hair growth and stop using shampoo with SLS and overly harsh detergents in it. https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/dht-blocker-foods

fuarrrk musicians. every other group can make a tutorial but not them. oh, go learn sheet music, learn all these italian terms for soykaf. bro you can do it with all these online resources out there (btw i had pro music lessons since age 5 hehe). fuarrrkers. ask an artist and he'll show you how to draw a cube, or even break down an existing drawing for you. ask a programmer and he'll show you how to type up hello world or make basic game mechanics or whatever. ask a 3d modeller and he'll show you the donut tutorial. useful, practical advice that you can use. musicians? uhh, practical advice? uhh i dunno bro ~just do what sounds good~. show you? why would i do something like that? idk bro download a midi, look at that wall of blocks and just understand it, okay? just do that but different… just do what sounds good… fuarrrk you, how about i learn how to surgically replace your arms with lobsters. huh? does that sound good buddy? get out of my ears, worm.

I feel like something is seriously wrong with me but it's so many things that I don't know what to do. to be honest I've just been thinking about killing myself because death seems to be the only thing I can depend on to be real anymore. Here's everything that's been happening: - Extreme derealization - Depersonalization - Mood swings - Extreme paranoia - Nightmares - Sleep paralysis - "Waking up" to "real life" multiple times every night. - Complete apathy - Minor hallucinations (Visual Snow / Tinnitus) - An EXTREME impending sense of doom. Like there are demons stalking me. - And obviously, social isolation, stemming from the aforementioned problems. I feel like nothing is real. I've never done drugs and I live a good life. Why is this happening to me? I just want to be a human being again...

I'm so fuarrrking horny, I really, really need to feel another body, preferably male. I thought I could do without sex but I can't, unless I masturbate once or twice a day, which is the only thing that helps but if I stop doing it my libido just builds up and I can't take it anymore. I've been lusting for boys too much these days, but I'm fuarrrking retarded and i don't know how to approach or talk to them at all. I spill the spaghetti all over the place. I also feel like I'm going to stand out too much going after boys younger than me, which is the only kind of boys I like. It's all legal and whatever, but I still feel I'll come off as a weirdo. That's one thing I hate about living in a small town. I feel trapped, there's nowhere I can go and not much I can do. I know I'm in the right place, really, and it's only my lust that keep nagging me, but it's this primal force that I just can't ignore, and it's so compelling it prompts me to act and seek what I desire but I know it wouldn't be right, and I have a hard time interacting at all with people, how even can I approach a boy whom I don't even know if he's a user, let alone flirt with him? fuarrrking hell. I'm going to try and invite a joint to the chicken boy.

>>80985 How long has this gone on, Lain? How old are you ? I only ask your age because helps figure out what is going on. Have you been sleep deprived or under a lot of stress about something? Do you have any traumas emotional or physical like being hit in the head? It might be a good idea to go to a doctor to make sure it isn't some kind of toxicity or infection of something or deficiency in any nutrients. >>80987 Are you that guy that made that one thread on asking if you can approach random strangers and just ask for sex? I'm not sure I get how that feels since I lost some of my libido from trauma and long term depression and possibly minor brain damage from banging my head in frustration in a mental breakdown or maybe it's just from being older and hormonal changes. I dont know.

I tried watching that Bocchi the Rock anime everyone was going on about. Some parts about the character reminded me of myself (having to talk with the teacher, missing out on interactions), but I do not have a problem being social with people. I can talk with people on a lot of subjects and I can get along with almost anyone if need be, I look people in the eye, and I'm a strong talker, but for some reason I only have my one friend from high school who I am honestly a bit tired of. I do not know what to call this situation I'm in of being perfectly sociable but simply not being social. I've been told it's weird to go to conventions, campsights, and go on roadtrips by myself, but it's all I've ever done. I've always been around people older than myself, so when I talk to people my age or slighty older they think I'm much older than I am. I cannot decide if this is a net benefit as I used to as it seems that it is hard for me to get my life started with someone my own age. Older people are fine to be around, but they've already experienced life and are ultimately at a different point than I am and the time I spend around them is probably retarding my own development. I invest my money, I am well educated, I am somewhat attractive, and I have a lot of inter- and intra-personal skills that people could benefit from in addition to hard skills, but I have not formed any new relationships in over ten years. This wouldn't be a problem if I wasn't trying to start my life with someone in a similar position. I have no real internet presence or real life presence beyond several fake identities in both cases. I think I am one of those people who are designed to not exist. Or maybe I turn off everyone that I meet. Who knows? What's wisdom without an audience, eh? tl;dr "me so speshul wah wah wah"

>>80988 Thanks for the response. I do appreciate it. I am 20 and this has been going on for a few years. It's just been getting worse and worse to be honest. It's worse when I'm sleep deprived but thats to be expected. I don't think I ever got hit in the head but I have had a lot of stressful things in my life and a few minor traumatic incidents.

>>80989 Not to drag on too long, but what felt especially soykafty about the Bocchi thing was that I was experiencing the aforementioned things she was going through in elementary school while I was in my senior year of college. I'm starting to think I'm genuinely retarded. I still feel like the little brother I've always been in my family, but now the feeling is being exposed to other people. First World Problems, I know. I could be getting bomblets dropped on me in a field somewhere, but here I am crying into my keyboard.

>>80987 do you think you might have a hypersexual disorder or some kind of sex addiction? Might be good to talk with a therapist about why you're so motivated to sex and sexual activities if it's impacting your life negatively. Have you considered going to a dating meetup or something? Gay bar? I forgot what they're called but here's lots of social events to talk with people one-on-one and see if you like each other. Be careful that you're pursuing the right reasons for a relationship, a relationship based on sex alone is bound to fail eventually. So find someone you enjoy spending time with. >>80985 > I don't know what's real Are you me? You'll get used to it with time. You'll be fine, your awareness means you're sense of reality is just fine. You may feel broken, that's just a feeling, remember that you're you no matter if you're in your body or not, and if you're in a dream-recursion or not. Don't let anxieties eat you from the inside. Consider talking to a therapist. I don't really know why this stuff happens or how to treat it, just that getting in the glass, feeling like people are out to get me, and hearing high and low pitched hums is very normal for me. Sometimes I'll have a panic attack about it too, but just remember that you're still a person regardless of what happens or what you become. I don't know why we're the way we are, I just know that it doesn't make us any less human or any less in tune with reality. Death is tempting sometimes, especially in long bouts of detachment and greyness, but that's a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and you've got a life to live. I hope this helps a little bit. Maybe researching your symptoms and finding effective coping mechanisms would help too? > I just want to be a human being again... I'm much more changed, but I'd consider myself 'human' anyways. You're definitely fine. Just remind yourself of that, take time to do some controlled breathing, and enjoy wonderland. You may feel like a robot hiding in human skin, like a ghost in a shell, but you're still fundamentally human no matter how far your body or reality may feel. Love yourself lain <3

>>80990 Unfortunately that age range doesn't help rule much out. Do those "minor" traumatic incidents weigh on you? If they do it might be a good start to try to work through that. But the number of things that could be occurring with you are a few. Have you had anything fairly life long like any sensitivities to some stimuli? Did you have trouble focusing on a single task? Or only these symptoms over past few years? What throws me off is your mention of visual snow and tinnitus, these arent really hallucinations although i have heard of people hallucinating humming or buzzing sounds it doesnt sound like that does it? Or is it only a high pitched ring? If the later i dont think that is a hallucination per say. Ever see a ring of light or get bad headaches? There is just too many things this could be it might even be a combination of factors so ideally you should have a doctor run some tests. Id avoid calling the visual snow or tinnitus a hallucination just describe what you see and hear to not impose a bias to interpretation. It could be at least some of your problems you describe could be cured or at least made better. Some of what you describe magnesium supplementation may be of some help assuming you dont take too much.

>>80989 Preferring the company of older people is one of the early signs that a person cares more about learning or art than typical pursuits. It sounds like you're already basically living the life you prefer but you've convinced yourself it's bad for some reason

>>80995 >It sounds like you're already basically living the life you prefer I'm living a life that is comfortable/familiar. I know that it needs to change for at least a while to actually grow as a man, because what I'm currently doing is pretty much an extended adolescence and has felt that way for quite some time. I'm a natural loner, but I know that I'm shooting myself in the foot by continuing to be one.

I'm so fuarrrking lonely. Had a dream last night where I got a crush on some non-existent girl in a crowd, we locked eyes for a few seconds. I can still kinda see her face from memory. Then I woke up and kept thinking about all the opportunities I missed out on as a teen. When I would just decline invitations to parties because I was to anxious. I want to fuarrrking die.

>>80998 heh. I'm the whiny bitch from the post before yours, and the Bocchi show calls this Seishun Complex. "Seishun" means "teenager" and the complex is in reference to the melancholy felt when confronted with songs/media depicting a healthy/idyllic teenage life you were never privvy to. I still experience it despite being far past my teens. I think the solution is to do your best with what you have. Good luck.

>>80999 You're 23 at most what the fuarrrk are you on about? You're barely out of your teens.

>>80998 I feel my life could have been so much better if boys didnt try to drag me away from spending time with girls when I was in elementary school. It made me get stuck with people who didnt know how to socialize and it had an impact on my interactions through my life paired with having soykafty helicopter parents i just am completely dysfunctional to this day. I have been miserable and alone for most my life.

>>80987 >really need to feel another body, preferably male If your only interested in sex and don't want a reputation then use a prostitute if its bothering you that badly. You don't need to convince them or win them over and they are paid to keep secrets. Its also possible your sexual cravings might be related to the porn you consume and how often you fap. Just know sex with a person is nothing like jerking off so moderate your consumption if its causing you problems.

>>81002 is it even possible to live happy with another male on lifelong bond ?

damn i thought heyuri was a decent board, but it's 4chan style compound for normalglitterboyry. kinda makes me sad, hope mods won't get mad for mentioning another board. i don't keep cookies so if this post becomes a problem i think you can delete it yourselves

>>81001 c'mon bro stop blaming elementary children. You had plenty of time after that to change your ways.

>>81003 Idk depends on the person, to me boys are for sex and physical intimacy only. They don't make good life long partners the way women do. You can have a long term relationship but it won't last a lifetime and at best you'll end up staying good friends if you don't drift apart. Male beauty don't last long whereas a girl can stay pretty well beyond 30 and boys are more likely to be assholes. They can also be way more bitchy, nasty, and outright sluttier than a woman. Its also harder to date guys. Just finding one that's open to your advances that isn't a slut is like kicking dead whales down the beach. You can have a deep bond and close friendship with a guy that could have been sexual in the past or not but that's pretty much it. If you want a life long romantic partner to bond with women are better.

>>81006 so sad, i really am betting on the angel stuff anyways i dont my love to be downgraded to hetero mother nature crap

can someone explain to me what the fuarrrk angel stuff is

>>81000 I'm a few years past that, and even at that age four years would be a long time to ruminate on something you cannot do anything about.

>>81010 gays have their own vocabulary, never mind

>>81009 What do you mean hetero mother nature crap? God (nature if you want to call it that) made us to adore both the male and female form and appreciate the world in all its forms. Yin and yang. Heteros and homos are brainwashed and suffer from a behavioral disorder. You can have a life long companionship with a male but don't expect a sexual-romantic companionship with one for longer than a couple years. Male and female have their advantages and drawbacks so why not both? Best of both worlds. If your someone who can't appreciate both yin and yang your losing out on life's pleasures.

>>81005 It isnt about time but exposure. I was isolated by my family so I had no one and no one ever tried to get close to me even though i originally was more outgoing.

fuarrrk I trooned out its too late no going back my life is ruined every day I wake up and can't believe what I've done to myself sometimes I forget, seems like it has to be a bad dream but its not fuarrrk fuarrrk fuarrrk I can hardly stand to face my family or old friends. they think I hate them because they were not accepting enough but I am just ashamed. I wish they'd stopped me.

>>81015 So? Its not like your life is over. Are you saying your a tranny in denial or you transitioned and now hate it? If the second then depending on how far in you are you can probably reverse it. I don't get what your really mad about here. Just transition back to your old gender I guess and stop being such a bitch.

>>81016 he probably cut off something you can't grow back

>>81014 so what do you want to do now? Bitch and moan forever? Life isn't over. You can still learn to socialize. Yes, it won't be same when you were young. Yes, you won't experience teen love but you can still experience adult love unless you want to miss that too and weep about it in old age.

>>81015 How far are you in the delusion?

>>81017 Doubt it. Most people here are broke. There's no way he could afford having his dick sliced off. He probably took a bunch of drugs and now he's just overreacting. Typical.

>>81020 i get cutting the balls since testosterone can be a slow form of torture but the dick is way to much fun to just throw away

>>81010 Angelmorphism? It’s an interesting and novel new ideology, though I’m opposed to it.

>>81018 This guy got the right idea. The past can’t be changed, don’t get stuck stagnating in what was, but be active in your growth and change now! Unless you’re dead you have time left to grow, so grow! .

>>81019 I can't tell what you mean by that. I either was insane then or am insane now (or both). I think I am less insane now, but I'm in deep in other ways. >>81018 sir this is a vent thread, I'm venting. If you haven't seen me in this thread before its because I don't bitch and moan perpetually. If that was what I was going to do with my life then I guess I might as well just an hero already. Doesn't mean I don't still regret! Your fixation on 'love' confuses me; this is not and was never about love. If that was my problem I'm fairly sure I'd already have an active romantic life. Oh wait, I do. Guess it must be something else then. Its like you're trying to make this about problems that have solutions when really its about the problem that, short of a literal miracle, I'm gonna be stuck with for life. Thats why I'm venting about it not solving it. I imagine I'll be upset about it till the day I die and of course I'd love to fix it if I could. If you have a magical solution to that I'd be delighted to hear about it.

I feel like everyone lied about social skills. I have good social skills and am extroverted but I have trouble making friends because there are other things that get in the way. Most people have very high standards when it comes to friendships. I have also met socially awkward people who have tons of friends.

>>80993 >do you think you might have a hypersexual disorder or some kind of sex addiction? Yes, I think I am addicted to sex, but it is sex with my hand. It's been years since I have sex with a man but with the current urges I realize it is downright addiction, and I am really worried that it can fuarrrk up my life. >Might be good to talk with a therapist I'm not going to pay some guy to verbally abuse me and guilt trip me into taking lobotomizing pills, thank you. >about why you're so motivated to sex and sexual activities if it's impacting your life negatively. >Be careful that you're pursuing the right reasons for a relationship, a relationship based on sex alone is bound to fail eventually. So find someone you enjoy spending time with. I want a young male lover, that's all.

>>81029 focus on upgrading yourself instead, sex should never be the ultimate goal, for both yours and your partner sake!

>>81030 it's not the ultimate goal, it's a fuarrrking urge I want to get rid of.

A friend of mine is trying to ditch me because even though our lives are basically the same she claims she's growing as a person and basically is just soykafting on me for my life not being where she thinks I should be and it just feels like a lot of hypocrisy she's doing this. All she's done is get a minimum wage job and she had at one pointed moved out of her parents only to move back again after a few months. I don't know why she think's I'd somehow drag her down when she's the one that has put me down. She also expects some really big reactions from anything she does like just saying i think something good happening to her is nice isnt enough for her. It's like she wants endless praise when she won't even do the same to me. I don't know if I even want to ever speak to another person in my hopefully short life. Im just so done

>>81015 Tell them you wish they stopped you. Tell them you never hated them, you were just afraid of not being accepted. Tell them you were wrong. Tell them you want to put it behind you. Tell them it's something you regret. If you are earnest when you say these things, (and if you do so tactfully), they should be willing to welcome you back. Your life is not necessarily over. It will be hard for a little bit, and it will never be forgotten entirely. I don't like lies. But you can still have a good life with good friends and good people. Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes are big. Sometimes they are not. That's just how humans are.

>>81034 i have the same urges but i dont think it will end well if i act on them to be honest

>>80989 Well, you're not alone. Exactly the same (down to the last detail), western Europe and wizard in 2 months.

>>81036 Yeah fuarrrk that. Just cut her off. She doesn't see you as a friend but an inferior. It's not worth being around people like this who seek only validation and put others down

>>81042 She is a weird one. She will act nice and supportive one moment and judgmental and another criticizes my approach to my goals ... if i had any goals left before becoming hopeless but it also is understandable to a degree why everyone leaves me since ive been in same unsatisfactory life most of my life now and failed to do what i needed when i had a small opportunity long ago but she isnt doing much better and doesnt have same mental problems i have and she actually has support of at least one of her family members while i have no one on my side in my family. Im deathly alone but it makes it worse feeling unaccepted by the world even by people that should be able to understand. Am i really that pathetic i cant do anything right.

>>81044 rape correction. Other than that idk anon have fun with it

>>81029 You need to find ways of controlling your lusts so they don't overpower you and stop jerking off to porn all day.

>>81044 >criticizes my approach to my goals Is it constructive? How do you feel when she criticizes your approach?

>>81050 or finding a similar person to exhaust the urge with <3

>>80985 >lack of something essential in your body (vitamins or soykaf consult your fuarrrking doctor) >hereditary mental illness >something bad in your body fuarrrking with your brain (I dunno consult your doctor)

>>81050 People here make a soykafload of assumptions, it's pointless asking here for advice -_-. >>81040 Same same, I don't know how to stop them, I did nofap for a while and it only lead me to stronger urges.

>>81055 lains should par up and help each other on that regard <3

>>81036 awww that's pretty sad. Both my friend and I went through that phase with each other. When he was doing it I told him I didn't want to hang with him because he was making me sad, and things got better, but IDK I don't want to encourage unnecessary harshness. Maybe you could both do something you're both proud of together, make her be nicer to you, and you could acquiesce on giving more affection? She probably feels like you're putting yourself above her by not congratulating her a lot, which leads to the lashing out in part.

>>81015 People really like feeling cared about and important, and if you're ashamed to have them think badly of you, you could make them very happy just by expressing the esteem you hold them in. I'm a kissless handholdless virgin, but there are very likely ways to do positive sexual relationships they'd be proud of with pretty much any body, so long as they feel respected by you and your loved ones, so it's unlikely your body is ruined. I wouldn't focus on the negative stuff, and focus on doing things you both enjoy with your family, and showing them how much they mean to you, and how attached you are to them. They'll understand from that much more deeply that you don't blame them for anything, and will likely support in what you need to do genderwise.

>>81052 It isnt that constructive because she just says I wont get anywhere doing what I am but without providing evidence aside from fact I havent made much progress and this is countered by how her approach didnt get her far either but she doesnt really understand what I want what I think and she was who helped break me mentally to begin with when she stopped believing i could do what I want and doesnt acknowledge i have done some things over the years even though it isnt substantial for my life to be worth living. I dont think she understands my need for value in experiences over the experiences themselves even if I try to explain. >>81059 We just talk to eachother long distance. She messages me first more often these days since i feel i wanted more time to myself with how there isnt much she allows me to talk about without her giving unwanted commentary whether it is a problem or even just an interest, while she complains constantly about coworkers and stuff which doesnt bother me particularly but she wanted me to stop her too but i dont think this toxic positivity is a good thing. She would sometimes randomly self isolate up to 2 months at a time not just me either while other times shed want to talk all day every day. Whenever she does something she has been trying to or something good happens every time I say something but she acts like it isnt enough. My responses are pretty normal >that's nice >Im glad for you >good to hear but she seems to expect more and instead of taking it positively acts negative sometimes over that. .I also repeatedly explain to her i became emotionally blunted from a mental breakdown so i feel and express emotions different and she just ignores this even downplaying it as a problem. She does the same thing with fishing for compliments thinking something nice said to her isnt enough she literally will say "that's it?".

I can't fuarrrking deal with the fact that I'm ugly, after 24 years I've finally reached my breaking point. My friend say that I'm actually beautiful the only problem is that I don't make any effort, apparently I don't dress good enough, I'm not fit enough and don't ever flirt with women. I've tried to explain to him so many times how for me the game was rigged from the start, I know he means well, but he is a 9/10 chad, he's been banging models since highschool. I'm a 3/10, I look creepy, my skin is fuarrrked up, my eyes are fuarrrked up I'm losing my hair. I do skincare, take meds for my hair, I lift and I don't dress like a nerd. I will never be anyone's first choice. For that reason I finally set a date for my suicide, feels great to be honest, can't wait to be out of this soykafhole even imageboards are turning to soykaf. I genuinely don't get how some ugly people make it to 30, seems like a lot of unnecessary suffering.

>>81073 i am extremely pale, charcoal black hair , jew nose and i still fight against mother nature. "A living being seeks above all else to discharge it's strength; Life itself is Will to Power." But its kinda ironic because people like you are the ones dropping the "incel" word. PS:you can always try lsd, i am making my own lab , i have like 6k on savings already

>>81073 Some women like creepy looking and most people think they are worse than they are. I doubt you have others consistently rating you 3 out of 10 and you only need one to be into you out of 8 billion on the planet. Do you use like tretinoin or retinol on your skin? What meds are you taking for your hair?

>>81073 trust me anon I've seen more fat retards with happy, pretty girlfriends in college than I would have ever expected. Hell, even outright ugly fuarrrktards have semi-attractive girlfriends. I am, by several strangers' accounts, fairly attractive and muscular. But I have never had a girlfriend because I never put in the effort to socialize for one. Womens' standards are SO much lower than you think, but you have to be somewhat normal and be their friend for a long time (which is a good test of if you'd want to date her in the first place) before you try advancing anything, It's a bit late for me to try such tactics as I'm old and pretty autistic, but you should be fine as soon as you start trying.

>>81073 Try having some trust in your friend? If they’re a “9/10 chad” and they think you look fine then you look fine. If you’re insecure about it let them know you don’t feel great about yourself and ask them for andvice and how they take care of them-self. But most of all, drop the incel phrenology soykaf. It’s pseudoscience and it’s not good for your self-esteem (which matters a fuarrrkton more than looks).

>>81075 >I doubt you have others consistently rating you 3 out of 10 3/10 is my average from /soc/ rate threads >>81075 >Do you use like tretinoin or retinol on your skin? I have very dry skin so I use moisturizer and some milky lotion >What meds are you taking for your hair? finasteride and minoxidil >>81078 It's not just that I'm unattractive, I look scary, I was locked up in an asylum for 3 months, 6 years ago, where they abused me and tested experimental drugs on me, now my skin is so pale I look like a ghost and my eyes are always dilated, people assume I'm crazy and evil when they first meet me, I know this because my friends told me to be aware of that fact. I will also occasionally get seeked out by directors to play vilains in indie shorts, I also often unintentionally jumpscare people, I have intimitated thugs before thanks to my looks.

>>81084 Embrace the evil and scare women into submission.

>>81085 I know you're probably trolling but I have no hate for women and could never do something like this, I have had women run away from me or be scared when talking to me despite trying my best to appear friendly, it never feels good. That's why I don't interact with women outside of work and I don't try to flirt, it's bound to be a disaster.

we're really in hell, huh? i was naive, and in my short time of adulting i've met many highly skilled figures in the fields of research science. silicon valley developers, ivy league researchers, members of elite families, etc. they're all so fuarrrking evil, yet envy my skills. deep down, i know they say these words to prey on me, but i understand there is also merit in it, even if near zero. lain, please do not turn your passion into your career or conflate it with money. it's not worth it, our skills and dedication can move mountains and the course of history

>>81084 Image boards dont represent the general public and that obviously is mostly men saying that. Taking oral hyaluronic acid might actually help with the dry skin. It takes a while to show up taken orally but it also will help your eyes and mouth be less dry too. Many topical moisturizers just dont moisturize deep enough. Is the finasteride and minoxidil topical or oral? Maybe one form works better than another. I might want to mention retinol or tretinoin help the scalp too, they help shed off dead skin cells so your scalp gets proper circulation but there is less harsh options too like lactic acid. Maybe wear sunglasses? If your eyes are dilated you need it anyway. Just make sure the style softens your appearance. Also have you talked to a doctor about the problem? >>81086 Well you could carefully with sub girls looking for a dom. Though getting into BDSM relationships is a pain since there is all sorts of stuff you have to do to be careful for physical and emotional well being of who you are with and it can be pressure to stuck in a role. If women literally run from you maybe wear like pastel colors or like have a cute animal you like on your shirt or something along those lines to not look like any stereotype of a dangerous criminal just careful not to come off with strong child predator vibes in aesthetics. Also maybe you try too hard sometimes in how you talk to people which might become obvious to some people so they may feel concerned of ulterior motives which would happen with anyone regardless of appearances.

>>81073 Imagine thinking that your life is over because you can get a woman (you haven't even tried, don't ask how I know this).

I wonder if my figure turns off the timid, nerdy, virginal girls that I'm looking for

>>81096 Get help, or commit suicide glitterboy

>>81097 No, you don't understand. I am a personal trainer turned medium-firm owner with degrees from a certain college in Pasadena who used to model for small, art house fashion magazines. As a result, I am a bimbo magnet despite being an old, nerdy loser who has never had sex. What I would like is a woman in my emotional/developmental position (preferably much younger) who would genuinely be my friend, but I fear that my apperance would dash her own expectations of getting to know me. It's kind of the same thing that happens when you see a pretty woman at an anime convention and immediately think "she's just a vapid cosplay whore", regardless of the possibility of her being the biggest japanimation nerd in the building. IDK how to get gurls to talk to me and when I try they get too sheepish to respond affirmatively.

>>81102 Lain understands that feeling of not being able to connect with someone your age and social group from not having relationships before but they don't neccesarily really have to be literally necessarily actually have to be younger than you or literally virgins to fulfill that need for more accepting not so intimidating personalities, you can have a lot of variety among individuals. Also always keep in mind regardless of age to avoid ones that seem a little too easy to win over and come off naive like they lack all common sense because you don't want to wind up the ex they soykaf talk about for the rest of their life whether it was deserved reasons or not. I think your body language and manner of dress would be more telling than your looks anyway though.

>>81104 Thanks for the stroke. >Also always keep in mind regardless of age to avoid ones that seem a little too easy to win over and come off naive Hopefully I can bag a cute airhead. On a serious note, I feel bad for the ones that are even a bit standoff-ish because I feel that I'm making them uncomfortable by being myself. >I think your body language and manner of dress would be more telling than your looks anyway though. I walk confidently and dress like a fuarrrking moron. Sometimes I think I should print "I have a 9 inch cock" on a t-shirt and see who responds, which wouldn't be too different from what I wear usually

>>80952 Your friend is not very intelligent and I cannot believe you take his advice seriously. I don't understand why some people like yourself will take people at their word. My first instinct is always that the other is wrong, then I see if they are right. >Part of why you're so focused on finding a GF/wife is you're reliant on validation >Obviously this is bad because that creates codependency. I am of the same opinion as >>80954 this idea of codependency is really a reflection of how fuarrrked up social values are that they are scared of people depending on one another. Our society is very lonely and insular: already there are few large families, the Western family unit has a culture of booting their kids out ASAP, but it's all been made worse because of the WWW. I would say the Western social culture is following the direction of Japan very heavily. Also, if you are actually doing this for validation, wouldn't you rather be leeching on your existing friends rather than taking a risk with people you do not know? >You don't need to focus on women bc you don't have your own life sorted left. This implies you can only have one or the other, which is obviously not true. How does not having so much money while dating actually negatively impact your life? Especially if it's with other students in a similar position. This point is a pushover. I'm going to encourage you to go date because, in counterpoint to the arguments of your so-called friend, it will develop your social skills, your confidence, thus it is feasible it could improve your so called issues with validation rather than make them worse, if these issues do exist. The other point was not a good point to begin with. But also, this is the easiest time to find other people to date except high school. And you obviously want to. You'd probably have realized your friend is a retard after a while anyway. I hope my post helped you see that sooner. >>80925 I did the opposite one day, I blocked the 4chan image servers and used CSS to restructure posts on 4chan, so it was only text. It was funny browsing /r9k/ and seeing how stupid those one-liner rage-bait OP's are without a provoking image. I don't really browse it though because I already knew it was awful, it was funny how this highlighted that fact though.

Any time I have some important thing I need to go to the next day my sleep gets completely destroyed and I underperform heavily. Feels unfair

Fuarrrk why do I sometimes feel like the internet in 2007 was way better than now and I want a 2007-type gf so bad instead of a TikTok addict? Maybe i just feel a bit ronery ratery...

>>81129 This is an extremely common sentiment among kids who weren't around then and think the internet was purely funny videos ftw and marquee buttons. They have rose-tinted glasses for things they've never experienced. I would dismiss these feelings as fake-nostalgia and realize that the internet has always sucked and was always a waste of time.

>>81130 >I would dismiss these feelings as fake-nostalgia and realize that the internet has always sucked and was always a waste of time. Yeah I know the wired did have gore or whatever back in the day, but really at that time people were less worse than they are right now. Everyone now says soyaf like "gyat bro thinks he real fr fr :sob: :skull:". YES normal people even back in the day were somewhat cringeworthy but not as much as today where we're flooded with AI generated bullshit or whatever. Be honest lain, it gets worse and worse every fuarrrking year.

>>81130 People who say what you said never used the internet outside of 4chan. >>81134 Yes it was actually fun and you could find communities of people and everyone was in general more tolerant and open minded and only place there was 4chan stuff was 4chan.

I desperately need anti aging stuff becomes more real really soon for my sanity or I'm just offing myself. For the record no i'm not balding so don't comment that lol

>>81159 >wants to live forever >otherwise wants to stop living immediately I guess you don't like compromises I think I am starting to bald a little on the top of my head though so if science could fix that and also hand out free immortality that would be nice

>>81160 I didn't mean extended lifespan as focus but reverse aging for physical feel and appearances. It isn't my primary problem it is a way I could cope with my problems by being given another chance to live. A little bit more realistic these days than wishing for a time machine to change my past or being reborn into a better life with my memories intact.

>>81163 Would that let you do things that you now cannot?

>>81163 Exercise regularly, eat healthy and abstain from poisons like alcohol and you'll be good buddy

>>81164 Maybe If I got over my other problems but i think it would help that. I have some aches and stiffness in my joints. I have blunted emotions and numbed physical sensations from uncertain causes of any number of things.. Should be clear how those would make things harder for me as is. For appearances many people judge others on their age as to if what they are doing seems weird or acceptable because societal expectations of different age groups but not just chronological age but their age appearance also influences how they view someone's actions because the brain has trouble overriding conflicting information of number versus looks. If I looked much younger than my chronological age and not feel as physically limited then id feel more safe to explore new things I never got to when the age most people are into whatever it may be and who will be my peers will likely largely wind up being people younger than me because socially my age is not my chronological age because of how much ive been held back in life and this kind of thing literally is the topic of comedy movies so people are further prompted to ridicule for innocuous things. It makes me think why bother fixing my life if i cant even have the same kind of fun and experiences I want like others got to, I dont want to be limited like that . >>81165 Yeah I know would have done more if i could have in past and maintain a proper skincare routine but I dont know if it too late for that. Roughly a decade of drinking to cope probably didnt help my looks but im not sure if it hurt it or not since cutting back for months and i havent improved. And health to look younger is a tricky task just look at Bryan Johnson before and after pics the guy worked out, ate healthy, didnt drink, took a ton of supplements but his face aged a lot in appearance because his cheeks sunk in. i do have a theory why that maybe happened to him though possibly his intermittent fasting producing acetone which is same thing produced when drinking alcohol.

>>81134 >Yeah I know the wired did have gore or whatever back in the day I'm embarrassed on your behalf. >>81130 >I would dismiss these feelings as fake-nostalgia and realize that the internet has always sucked and was always a waste of time. This seems like a technique I notice lots of people use in discourse. I'll call it the "lone wolf" though it deserves a better name than this. It's where people try seem superior by rejecting everything, saying everything is like kicking dead whales down the beach: this is implying you are in an elevated position to judge harshly on these things. For example, how often do we programmers hear people go "Yeah, I think Windows and MacOS and Linux are all bad", or "Yeah actually I think C and C++ and Rust are all bad languages", or more subtly "Yeah I actually think C and C++ and Rust are like, just good at different stuff, and like they aren't worse or better than one another dude". Not all instances that look like "lone wolf" are it. For instance, lone wolfing when talking about bipartisan politics makes sense because bipartisan politics is stupid. What I dislike about this so much is it is often because of laziness of whoever says that, assuming it is a worthwhile topic in the first place. It can be a conversational dead-end, which is non-constructive. Anyway, you have been online long enough to be on a niche website like lainchan, and you tell me the Internet is like kicking dead whales down the beach and is a waste of time? Meaning you are wasting your time on something that is like kicking dead whales down the beach? That would make you stupid. Unless you don't actually believe what you said and you were just trying to be a lone wolf. If you really thought on this, you'd feel what I do; the Internet is not good/bad, it is all in who or what you connect with. The Internet lets me to learn literally anything I want to for free. I can access all the literature I need to with shadow libraries rather than go to derelict public libraries. I can also talk with strangers about anything in a way I can't in real life because of my poor people skills. I love it dearly for that. But I love it because I connect with what I care about, I refuse to participate in the Internet of people who waste it. I agree with you otherwise. I like to think of these aesthetics getting popular as spearheading the ideal of an Internet that is more individual, but I'm not so sure now. It's worth a shot anyway.

>>81134 >Everyone now says soyaf like "gyat bro thinks he real fr fr :sob: :skull:" When you realize that this is pretty much the new l337sp33k and that almost every new fad/meme was shat on in the same manner, then you'll realize that you're perception of good and bad is purely relative to when you started using the internet. >>81146 >everyone was in general more tolerant and open minded What the fuarrrk makes you think this? Old usenet and most-all forum posts wouldn't give you any evidence for this. A personal site might, but you wouldn't see the e-mails the webmaster got from the site being up. >>81169 >This seems like a technique I blah blah blah discounting actual arguments with abstract constructions doesn't make you seem intelligent, anon. You're being obnoxious and skirting the argument. >a niche website like lainchan this place hasn't been niche for years >Meaning you are wasting your time Yeah, I know this is a waste of time. I also know that tring to construe the internet at large as anyything other than a waste of time at any other point in time is also untrue and comes from a really funny lack of self-awareness. >If you really thought on this, you'd feel what I do; the Internet is not good/bad Listen fuarrrkstick I KNOW the actual software behind the internet itself is neutral, but I'm talking about when people pretend that internet """culture""" was any less gey than it is now. >The Internet lets me to learn literally anything I want to for free The printing out pdfs part of the internet is one of the good parts. Pretty much everything else is baseless entertainment, retard arguent time, or propaganda of some sort.

>>81174 >What the fuarrrk makes you think this? My own experience of 2000s forums. I wasnt using internet communities much before then so cant comment on the 90s.

>>81169 >I'll call it the "lone wolf" though it deserves a better name than this I think of it as "appeal to cynicism", because it is kind of related to fallacies like appeal to authority and appeal to nature where the speaker is trying to take advantage of short circuits in reasoning people tend to have, in this case depression.

>>81174 >Yeah, I know this is a waste of time. I knew you would say exactly this because of how predictable people like you are. Your response was asinine. You are a naive contrarian against all, and have served to prove my point.

>>81174 >When you realize that this is pretty much the new l337sp33k NTA, but acronyms aren't new nor are they a "leetspeak" -- You seemed to have misunderstood the entire assignment. >almost every new fad/meme was shat on in the same manner This is false. Most fads weren't particularly soykaf on, only the really stupid ones.

I do not know if this is the right place to post about this, but recently deep anxiety has taken a hold of me. The fear of dying or of my eventual death has become so overwhelming that it's consumed nearly all my waking thoughts, and it keeps me up for hours each night. Before I would merely distract myself with something long enough to forget the feeling till sometime in the future where it would creep back up but this time I haven't been able to do that and distractions haven't worked. The thought of my eventual death and becoming nothing is very scary to me and I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice or insight that could help me?

>>81185 The situation you are experiencing is called thanatophobia. I don't have any advice, but if I tell you my point of view, we will all die eventually. So all the little possibilities came together and created us. You have approximately 80 years to spend in this world. It would be pointless to spend this time afraid of death. On the contrary, when I remember that I will die, I remember that I can do whatever I want. Likewise, if something happens that I do not want, I remember that I will die and continue my life. I tried to get over many of my traumas by ignoring them in this way.

I am so sick of this classroom bullshit that I made the mistake of subjecting myself to. I just want a job, jammit, but no one's called me back and I got tired of handing out resumés a long time ago. My bitch of a mother is breathing down my neck, as if I'm supposed to get a five-figure-a-month job overnight. At the rate I'm going, I wouldn't be surprised if I end this year homeless, on top of being flat broke.

>>81181 Okay, and? There's nothing wrong with acknowledging that something you enjoy doing is a waste of time. I go to the arcade too, which is a waste of time and money that I will never try to justify, but I'm not going to act like it isn't just because I enjoy it. You aren't as smart as you think you are. >>81182 > but acronyms aren't new nor are they a "leetspeak" you're missing my point entirely. It isn't difficult to comprehend. >This is false. Most fads weren't particularly soykaf on, only the really stupid ones. Such as? What made the not really stupid ones so? Every new meme coming out of 4chan since like 2005 was regarded as unfunny new user trash.

>>81188 >you're missing my point entirely. It isn't difficult to comprehend. Well, it sounds like you're changing your "point" - This is why you should just say what you mean, because acronyms aren't new and "leetspeak" was just for lulz and people started thinking of it like some symbol status nonsense until everyone got tired of it. >Such as? Skateboarding, rollerblading, scooting, whiskey, programming, drawing an S on everything, etc. >uses 4chan as an example If we must, duckroll wasn't really mocked, and everyone loved barrens chat.

>>81185 Sleep is the cousin of death. Are you afraid of sleep? So maybe death isn't as scary? If it's not an intrusive thought from OCD it may be just you feel something in your life hasn't been done you want to do and you feel the clock ticking worried you wont be able to do it? >>81187 Avoid using as much electricity, water, and avoid your mother's sight so it seems like you aren't even eating. Do a little housework here and there. Would be hard for her to complain then. What do you mean by classroom bullshit? Are you in college or you saying you have a degree but it feels like a waste because it isn't helping you?

>>81190 it might be due in part to OCD, though the fixation on it has never been this strong >>81186 I suppose thats one way of looking at it

>>81191 Try 1-2 gram sarcosine + NAC 600-1200mg and see if that helps. Keep lower dose unless it does nothing.

>>81191 “What if I were not to die! What if life were given back to me—what infinity! And it would all be mine! then I’d turn each minute into a whole age, I’d lose nothing, I’d reckon up every minute separately, I’d let nothing be wasted!” - Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Idiot All of history and everything have led you to exist rather than to not exist at all, so you may experience existence for this brief flash in the history of the universe. Your personhood is a cosmos of possibilities and moments, mundane and profound. If it were layed out like an art exhibit, I would have to wonder about for years to see it all. So live and make moments, because to be is to be able to be alive! Live, Carpe Diem!

I lost a jacket my dead father gave me, i have my self for being such a retarded careless waste of fuarrrking space

>>81192 >NAC I did this for OCD. Good stuff. Didn't cure me but I feel like it permanently changed my brain to be more calm overall. Haven't taken it in like a year. If you google long term usage reports, you can find many similar reports where it can change the brain over time. Not what I expected when I first got into supplements. There are multiple other ones that can do this too. Amino acids are pretty powerful.

>>81195 There has been studies on sarcosine for OCD and i figured combining it with NAC i theorized would offset the potential negatives of either in theory anyway, it is my own experimental combo. And yes NAC itself also has been used in a wide range of mental illness studies. >>81194 Maybe you will find it again. Check with lost and found in public places, check consignment stores and charity shops. Good luck.

>>81196 I tried sarcosine too. Wasn't as good as NAC, tended to virtually solve my depression, yet it gave me anxiety and made me feel unstable. So I discontinued it. I did hear good things about the NAC + sarcosine combo and how it worked very well for some people though. Now I'm trying taurine and agmatine. I heard agmatine is good for intrusive thoughts.

>>81190 >Avoid using as much electricity, water, and avoid your mother's sight so it seems like you aren't even eating. Do a little housework here and there. I feel like I already do all of those things. I think the real issue is two-fold: I refuse to be a mindless little drone who does what she says without question and I'm one of the few people who calls her out on her bullshit, a fact that she cannot stand because she's so used to getting her own way. >What do you mean by classroom bullshit? Are you in college or you saying you have a degree but it feels like a waste because it isn't helping you? I tried the college route but I absolutely hated it. I'm in a trade school now, because I fell for the meme. It's really no different from college, but we get to fiddle with wires or use power tools every once in a while ("Yippie!" he said sarcastically).

I'm essentially an angel of death. I was created to facilitate this body and mind letting go, which will end their misery. It's the only form of love or compassion I'm capable of. Otherwise in daily life I'm what I consider a "pacemaker cell". I don't move in sympathy with the others. If I am low, I drain the life out of everything around me merely by being present, even if I'm not physically interacting. It's uncanny. If I feel up, then it brings the world back from the dead. Empty streets fill, grey people look up from their phones and so on and begin to interact with their environment and each other, in many cases the sky even clears. The latency for this is ~20-60 minutes of persisting in a given state, or flipping the mental switch. However the effect is quite reliable. Even so, no matter what I do I have some fundamental defect, I can make them all interact with each other, I can bias their course towards a favorable fate, if I wish people well and invest this energy it tends to work. Yet I am left in limbo, in the void, always returning to the primordial cold. The only thing I comprehend. Remain apart, remain separated, always split minded. Everyone is toxic, no one is toxic. Everything is terrible because no matter where I go the one I want to be rid of is still there. I destroyed my own reflection. I look in the mirror and see nothing, I see no reflection in anything or anyone, I look at my own footprints and see something someone else did. And yet so long as I'm trapped in a body I cannot escape. Self love, what the hell does that even mean? The body and mind are like a dirty, broken, disgusting pair of clothes you can't take off. How can a person possibly like anything about this place.

>>81192 can you get those over the counter? >>81193 thank you

>>81205 Yes, they are available overcounter, both just considered supplements even though NAC is a precursor drug also used in hospitals intravenously to treat paracetamol/acetaminophen overdose and was almost derezzed by the FDA because people were trying to use it to treat Covid infection a while back.

>>81189 >This is why you should just say what you mean Okay are you really too fuarrrking autistic to comprehend that the quote is a single example of a way that people speak nowadays in the same way l337sp33k was? I really cannot do more thinking for you. >skateboarding Surfers made fun of that for being a derivative kiddy fad when it came out, and skaters are actively made fun of today >rollerblading oh, you mean "fruitbooting"? >scooting ... >whiskey I don't think that is a fad or was born from a fad. >programming Tons of people insult programmers for being code monkeys that don't produce any physical thing and just stare at a computer screen all day. Being a programmer was an impressive thing for maybe two decades (if that) and then quickly fell into normalcy because of how mundane it is. And some of those can be construed as exercises or a skill, so they are not directly wastes of time either like trawling the internet is. >everyone loved barrens chat I really fuarrrking doubt that.

>>81195 It permanently changed your brain because it started to calm microglial-mediated neuroinflammation and remove all the soykaf they injected you with as a child.

>>81236 That's a lot of words to say "nuh uh!" and to admit that your original response went off the rails into some territory no one but yourself can comprehend.

>>81245 Suspicion can be delusion or otherwise based on false assumptions from incorrect information or incorrect interpretation of information. You have to think of it as a universal, what if everyone did that? If someone were killed it wouldn't make them seem any more guilty. It would be better to just lay the facts bare as is without interpretation as to let others make their own judgments.

>>81249 I don't. There's nowhere to go. I've been trying for years doing new things. I even taught myself how to program I still hate everything SSRIS, anti anxiety meds, anti psychotics, nothing works.

>>81251 Then maybe you need to move Nothing about programming is particularly exciting, that is more a cognitive feeling, you are sitting in front of a computer screen. Learn to rock climb or street luge or something if you can. SSRIs are antipsychotics blunt emotions. If your problem is how you think about things blunted emotions can make things worse. This is why antidepressants warn of increased risk of suicide among young people. What you need is something to make you feel more not less.

>>81228 For what it's worth, NAC didn't do anything for months of taking it, or at least I thought it didn't. I was taking it as a mild thing which I thought might help a little. But it turned out to be life changing. It got more powerful over time, felt like it potentiated a lot even at the same dose, and I eventually increased the dose pretty high until I felt it wasn't helping me anymore. Though your issues may be different. It didn't help with all my symptoms, only certain ones. More related to typical anxiety, like the type you get drinking too much coffee. Rather than intrusive thoughts or my counting OCD. Anhedonia I do think sarcosine could help with. It definitely helped some numbness and depression I was having, but then again those are not my main issues so it wasn't very helpful to me.

>>81267 HealthygamerGG has some videos on how to set up boundaries and dealing with over-protective parents if you are interested

>>81273 better dying by the sword than the master lash. doesnt matter how hard and pointless it is, i will spit on females faces till my last breath. https://youtu.be/GM6-ZdK_Agg?t=205

>>81268 I may check that out, thanks.

I have to give up what I like most for the sake of my partner, otherwise I'm causing her depression by not being there. Life is a bitch but I'll come out on top, somehow.

>>81277 why dont you leave her instead ??? wtf

>>81278 because I'm not a fuarrrking cunt?

>>81278 he's delusional and really thinks his partner is gonna make him happy for life. happens when you're young. and i wouldn't be so conceited tomorrow you may fall for the delusion yourself. it's not the kind of thing you can just shrug off. real dangerous trap.

>>81283 Because reproduction isnt everything. They basically would serve purpose of a reserve of people to look after orphaned kids or kids from people that overproduced and cant watch after them all and there is al sorts of other ways to contribute to society. Sometimes someone a kid is a bad thing because they over reproduce or pass on bad genes and parent terribly. >>81271 Have you ever tried to get an allergy test and do an elimination diet ? Also some stuff i suggested before if you missed it >>81088

>>81287 dont have to be a glitterboy to adopt children, don't have to be childless to adopt children. Most of the large families I've known, the parents can pretty much stop doing the day to day childcare chores at some point because the kids pick up all the slack; short of a litter of 100% cripples overproduction is not, imho, a real problem. You have some hardly plausible guesses, not a real answer to why glitterboyry exists.

>>81287 I don't think the homosexual concept needs to exist. Most explanations for its individual or population level advantage are more like ad hoc cope imo. Try to reframe or explain away a defect. There is no good reason to bake it into the system, it's actual a net negative and it's frankly ugly as well. Turning people asexual would be a far better solution. However this is not done, because the system is designed to produce loosh. And the type of loneliness produced for a homosexual will provide better yield than for the more contractive, avoidant, or otherwise numbed sort experienced by the asexual. This is why the system prefers to solve the issue with gayness than simply fixing the problem properly. Highly refined loosh is produced by loneliness.

>>81289 because playing/studying/cuddling with other males rules and women are boring af. What is so difficult to understand ?

>>81290 Yep, that's the lack of insight I described above. You seem to actually think, or want me to think, you conveyed information just now. There is this curious conditioned shapeshifter aspect to homosexuals, but they have the masculine directedness and bluntness about it. So it's like, I feel like you're trying to play, but you're also subtly attacking or more accurately "Warding". It's a really weird constellation. You want to give nothing, but you also want to assert dominance by being overt in that I'm not getting out of you, and it's all wrapped in this weird "it is what it is, I am what I am, simple as" like... ritual space almost. Yeah, it's a bad design. Whatever this thing is I'm going to write it out of the script. It's not necessary. This childlike deflection and witholding behavior.

>>81291 > You want to give nothin there is exchange of information, thats the whole point of studying together. >you also want to assert dominance dominance over what ? males are not females. >Yeah, it's a bad design. Whatever this thing is I'm going to write it out of the script. It's not necessary. This childlike deflection and witholding behavior. i dont give a soykaf about nature dude or natural selection.

>>81292 You respond like a child that's trying to be cute for attention.

>>81288 Kids take time and resources. There is literally an evolutionary theory homosexuals exist because they helped raise kids. Adoption is just a modern example that is confined in the mimicry of the nuclear family but through history many cultures are raised by multiple generations and non relatives not just their biological parents. That is what school is a kind of child raising, and people in child care services etc. >>81289 I dont think sexuality as an identity needs to exist. A person can have varying interest or lack there of in people on more factors than just their sex or gender identity.

>>81283 >>81289 >>81291 >>81293 >build a case for their whole basis and genesis >heterosexual, and therefore systematizeable and ciommunicatable >explanations for its individual or population level advantage >You seem to actually think, or want me to think, you conveyed information just now >a bad design >You respond like a child (Assuming this is all from one person, apologies if that isn't the case) The problem with what you are saying is that you are putting forward a potentially controversial model of human minds and behavior, but rather than arguing for its correctness you're reacting with put-on disbelief of perspectives that fail to operate within your model and haughty condescension. People aren't products with a design and purpose and inherent instrumental logic behind their existence. One reason so much psychology turns out to be wrong is that the information you get from introspection has no guarantee of truth; you can build a whole elaborate notion of how minds are and then it turns out all you were doing was building your own mind into a particular shape rather than gaining actual general insight into all potential minds. If someone wants to kiss other men, consider that maybe you don't have the means to know why, or at least that your perspective is not very useful to others if you support it with rhetoric to the exclusion of reasoning.

>>81295 I dont get why people bother. Like i never see anyone rant about ugly couples existing and they would evoke as much if not far more discomfort seeing them kiss than then seeing the average same sex couple.

>>81296 >Like i never see anyone rant about ugly couples existing I actually do, but that's beside the point.

>>81296 he doesnt know how fun playing with a male 24/7 is

>>81311 Hugs would be nice thanks. Sorry to hear you aren't feeling well either. >>81312 It's kind of difficult to differentiate agoraphobia from avoidant personality disorder and social anxiety. I kind of have a similar problem. Wearing sunglasses sometimes helps for some reason and headphones. It's just avoiding the problem though. You can stimulate your vagus nerve to relax some. This can be done by humming, massaging your neck in the proper spots, or even mild electric stimulation.

Korean youth are ahead of their time with the tal-jo and heljoseon memes (escape hell & Korea is a living hell). I hope my brothers make it through childhood okay, there's little I can do, but at least they'll have a loving older sibling to guide them in the best ways they can. I didn't have that privilege unfortunately.

>>81267 To continue: I have spent 3 years at university so far, and yet whenever I go home it's the same nonsense where I have to ask permission to be let out of the house. At university I can go out whenever I want, to wherever I want, for however long I want. There is no reason for them to keep doing this. I have asked them why multiple times and they just give me long-winded explanations that boil down to "it doesn't matter".

>>81321 focus on your studies , dont get your mind twisted by normal people or females.It will be your demise.

>>81323 >as you can see I'm not some normal person with low self esteem that's exactly what I'm seeing lmao

>>81324 >>81325 Why lie? Do you think it'll make me feel better? If I start believing in your bullshit I'll just find out how repulsive I am the hard way, again. Why do you guys want me to keep struggling knowing fully well I have no future and will never be loved? I get that this probably comes from a place of compassion but you're just being cruel even if not on purpose, I'd much rather hear the truth so I can stop struggling and move on.

>>81326 I'm not lying retard. You have self-image issues and there's not convincing you in any case. Live your soykafty life any way you want. It's easier to feel self pity anyways

>>81326 i am not lying tho, i slept(with cuddles) a lot with male friends when i was a kid and i hope so in the future too. That being said, your the one that goes to places like 4chan which is filled with animals and alike scum that worship natural selection.

>>81328 Im a different Lainon but this makes me wish I got to sleep with girls as a kid. I mean cuddling in bed. Better than me sleeping with the jerk I did who would do things like hide my clothes and spray me with ice cold water in the shower ....i still havent gotten to sleep with anyone sexual or not. I have never been held much even. >>81323 Honestly you look pretty normal to me. Like you wouldnt stand out much to me if I saw you in a crowd. From what you were saying I was expecting more a very tough guy look with very pronounced features but you dont look like that. The facial hair isnt working for you because it makes you look like you have sagging cheeks when you dont and the facial hair is too sparse looking at that length (thicker than mine though) id say just be clean shaven and your glasses are wrong for your face shape it feels like they are too tall or something. Is that how you style your hair? A slicked back look isnt a good one for you though Id understand you wanting to avoid hair products in case they contribute to balding concerns but you could dry your hair with a brush to give a little more volume on top and just have it hang to the side a little unless it looks too thin like that.

>>81329 Thanks for the feedback >The facial hair isnt working for you because it makes you look like you have sagging cheeks when you dont and the facial hair is too sparse looking at that length (thicker than mine though) I trim my beard to hide my cheeks and jaw >your glasses are wrong for your face shape I literaly called a model to choose my glasses for me so I don't fuarrrk up with the face shape thing, goddamn how am I even supposed to choose my glasses? This soykaf is gonna cost a fortune to change When it comes to my hair my work wants me to tie it so that's what I do, outside of work I just let it breathe and try my best to hide the side of my forehead, I should probably just shave it all.

>>81323 you look fine to me, but you use 4chan, which means you will never be happy

was walking around in boots, walking past a dumpster i saw a kitten on top of it scrounging through it, and i was looking forward and down mostly, then felt something shift underneath my foot, and i got the idea i stepped on a kitten, still walking i glanced back briefly and saw nothing, but now i can't stop thinking that i stepped on a kitten without noticing and failed to see it when i glanced back because i didnt actually stop and turn around to get a good look. surely that couldnt happen since i was looking down while walking but i can never know for sure. maybe it was just cobblestone shifting, it happens sometimes.

>>81323 Full Agent Smith mode. Smithmaxxing. Impressive.

think i shot myself in the foot and don't know how to solve the issue. i hang out with a few normal users who watches anime and they're curious how im watching it since i don't have Hulu/Netflix ect so i cannot tell them that im pirating it all.

>>81337 stop rotting on couch and grind on maths instead. i really pity your waifu, his man is lazying up.

>>81337 "I download it off nyaa like everyone else, get on my level CASUAL" Alternatively "uhhh, have you tried crunchyroll?"

>>81337 Do normalusers actually see pirates as criminals to be shunned?? Piracy is based I brag about how much I pirate whenever it comes up. It isn't like other crimes because you won't actually get in trouble with the law for it so stealth is meaningless.

>>81330 > trim my beard to hide my cheeks and jaw It actually draws attention to your cheeks by outlining them Id say. Your jaw structure seems normal from what i can tell, so you could try having facial gua sha done if you're looking for definition. I havent heavily researched it yet though to see if it causes any damage but visually it looks like it defines faces more. You wont hear that from 4chan since it is a thing some women do and comes from a variation of something done in traditional Chinese medicine. Dont confuse it with gua sha done on the body causing petechia, the face one is done more gently. > I literally called a model to choose my glasses for me so I don't fuarrrk up with the face shape thing, goddamn how am I even supposed to choose my glasses? The model may have just went with what is stylish since to me they seem too big for your face though a little hard to tell from the photos but top down view it does look like they are wider than your face just a bit and the height gives illusion of some of your facial features being shortened. I found this video easy to understand. It isnt so much face shape as it is dimensions and general features. This is about sunglasses but same rules apply. The style isnt that bad but they seem a bit too big to me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTrbml7-taY >This soykaf is gonna cost a fortune to change They are an actual prescription? If you are on insurance of some kind they often do cover glasses. >When it comes to my hair my work wants me to tie it so that's what I do, outside of work I just let it breathe and try my best to hide the side of my forehead, I should probably just shave it all. Your hair didnt seem that long but they want you to tie it at that length? I wouldn't shave it off all at once, you have length so you can cut it down to different styles to try out. Easier to make hair shorter than to wait for it to grow out.

>>81341 You should pirate if you cant pay or want to see if you like something before you try to buy it. Ideally if you can pay you should pay ideally physical media to keep the physical media alive or else we are all fuarrrked when things turn all digital and you own nothing and you dont get those Blu Ray fixes, though those are seemingly becoming less common when it comes to the anime industry since they are overproducing anime.

>>81331 >>81329 >>81329 >>81324 >>81325 >You look normal you just have no self esteem Just got back from a concert >Friend insists I go to this concert pays for my ticket >I end up third wheeling because he brought his girl >Some guy films me to make fun of me I see my gigantic forehead in the camera >Friend's girl made fun of me for being a virgin >As I was leaving I felt uneasy and decided to put on my earphones but not put on any music to hear what people might say behind my back >As I got back I heard "here's the creep" >Passed by some drunk girl near my street that said "he looks like gollum" It's over

>>81346 Dont trust drunks judgment. I had some drunks arguing if i was a black man or not. Im pale as fuarrrk 100% European with with blue eyes. Just follow the advice >>81344 I gave and I think youd be fine. You dont look deformed or anything like that.

>>81351 > Can't I just get someone to choose for me? I don't even know what my face shape is The vid doesnt talk about face shape it actually is to avoid using that arbitrary method. It tells you how to measure your face width and height and look for glasses that match that. I found it was easier to follow than face shape crap. >Also my hair is shoulder length Then yeah you probably would look better with it more ear length or less. It also would take weight off the roots and give your scalp more air circulation. I noticed a lot of people that go bald had shoulder length or longer hair for years and years prior to it. I'd also recommend getting a mulberry silk pillow case helps reduce chance of hair being tugged in your sleep and reduces chance of developing wrinkles. >You are delusional, this soykaf doesn't happen to attractive people I've been called "weird looking" as a compliment. People say weird things.

>>81323 You look fine. Maybe a bit too serious. Nice suit. >I posted my picture on 4chan mistake.

>>81353 >Just be yourself fuarrrk you >>81356 >I've been called "weird looking" as a compliment. People say weird things. Me too, that's not a compliment, whoever called you that was messing with you >>81363 >low self esteem and looks obsession. It's more like a being alone forever because of how rancid I look obsession, you sound like the kind of girl that comments "so gorgeous" on an obese girl's instagram. Strangers laugh at the way I look yet you insist my problem is low self esteem, I'm getting genuinely pissed that you guys refuse to see my problem for what it is.

Are guys with SLIGHTLY feminine faces really that unattractive to women? What about long hair? I'm at least somewhat attractive, so why wont they talk to me?

I don't know how i was born here but i am ready to go back to where i belong. This "universe" that i am experiencing is incredibly dreadful and i can't wait for it to stop. But i currently don't have the means to leave so i'll just chill here until then. I can't stop thinking about shooting myself in the head or leaping from towers or hanging myself. To know that at the pull of a trigger i could end myself and therefore the universe feels so liberating yet so hard. I remember when i slit my wrists the first time. I remember crying and feeling a sense of what wasn't necessarily sadness, but something else. I remember my father knocking on the bathroom door as my wrists were bleeding asking what i was doing (it was 4 or 5 am i think, also he believed i was doing drugs) and i said i was vomiting, he said that i wouldn't need the fan on if i was just vomiting and i said "well im also.. you know" and he sarcastically said "uh huh" and walked away. Around that time i would end up slitting my wrists 4 more times but nothing happened. It did leave a pretty bad mark though. After i slit my wrists i put my hand inside an old, worn out sock that i think i've had laying around since i was 5 or 6 or somewhere around there. I punched through the sock to make it into a sleeve and i've worn that around my wrist under a long sleeve shirt since. The wounds have faded for the most part, if you saw my wrist you'd be able to tell though. So im not excited for summer. I of course know that slitting my wrists wouldn't do anything. Though now with experience with shooting heroin i know that i would have to go WAY deeper than i possibly could to hit an artery. I could never kill someone, hell i get really sad just killing a spider. But i like thinking about brutally beating people to death when i am in flashbacks (mainly just people who have abused me though). Idk if thats bad or not, it helps me express anger and i've never wanted to actually kill people most of the time so i think its been good.

>>81366 Better way to deal with spiders is nudge them into a cup and throw outside. Probably just get eaten by a bird or something but I like thinking they will go on to do spider things just not where I live

>>81366 i would hug you fren, this life is but a dream honestly and you should just do your best on whatever you pursue.

>>81367 yah but i am pretty scared of spiders, though i do try to get them outside

>>81322 Shut up retard I don't care. I have more pressing issues in life, as you can tell. I was hoping to get some advice because I don't know anyone irl who can provide it, but my post was buried by your stupid sex debate.

>>81368 Thank you :). Unfortunately though i am not able to accomplish anything that takes much effort, i always give up halfway through :(. Its all meaningless anyways though, i think ill just try to find bits of enjoyment in life until i can return whence i came.

>>81370 you do realize nowadays 70% of world economy is based on sex(directly and indirectly )

>>81364 > Me too, that's not a compliment, whoever called you that was messing with you No, in every case I remember it was very clear the intent wasn't negative. When it was a girl who said I look weird and im paraphrasing, in a "sexy" way she was blatantly attracted to me. Confusing I know but "weird" seems to just mean different rather than ugly. >>81365 > Are guys with SLIGHTLY feminine faces really that unattractive to women? They tend to into feminine looking guys more when they are bisexual or young but even straight women dont so often like hyper masculine faces because they appear unnatural or too aggressive. On average women prefer men with masculine but slightly feminine faces over hyper masculine faces and those are just averages. Averages are statistical anomalies and dont tell you the range. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/attraction-evolved/201806/do-hormones-really-influence-what-women-find-attractive Also their attraction preferences change with hormones. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/attraction-evolved/201806/do-hormones-really-influence-what-women-find-attractive >What about long hair? Some love long hair some hate it. Also depends on someone's face if it suits them. > I'm at least somewhat attractive, so why wont they talk to me? Gender norms. Men are expected to be the pursuers so any hesitancy women have is made worse by them expecting the guy they want to talk to to talk to them first >>81366 It's okay to feel how you feel but if how you feel you want to change it maybe it isn't for the best to think too much on negative violent feelings but instead turn just let those thoughts fade into the distance push it away from you further drifting away where it becomes dull and faded and cant hurt you. Im sorry you've been through whatever it may be you went through.

>>81366 >shooting heroin Shooting in your head is gonna probably be safer. You ended your life right then and there. Most likely.

>>81374 I agree, i try not to be violent most of the time, but during flashbacks (i have cptsd) i feel nothing but anger. >>81375 huh? never really been addicted to anything for whatever reason, heroin just happens to be one of those things. and i don't have anything to live for anyway, my life was already just as (if not more) soykafty when i started. ngl i know this is completely different for everyone else but weed had a worse effect on my life then heroin, but thats just me

>>81375 I actually used to know a guy who shot himself in the head on two occasions and survived. He lost an eye one of the times. >>81376 Try some ketamine therapy. They give you ketamine and ideally you would undergo psychotherapy during this but really this is just to make it easier to talk about things. Ive heard better on psilocybin but with the kind of violent way you feel anger that might not be good since psilocybin can enhance emotions but on other hand it helps increase neuroplasticity so your brain can better adjust to new experiences that arent so soykafty. Also i recommend if you are a side sleeper sleep on your right side because left side sleepers have more nightmares.

>>81376 >huh? never really been addicted to anything for whatever reason, heroin just happens to be one of those things. https://stealthiswiki.com/library/free-dope >Heroin - Extremely addictive, easy to fatally overdose since real dose is unknown, IV use carries risk of blood-born diseases such as Hepatitis B or HIV (due to unclean needles), as with any inject-able drug. Only surpassed by severe alcohol addiction for harshness of addiction and difficulty to get clean. why do i not trust you, huh?

>>81377 Unfortunately I have no access to Ketamine, legal or otherwise :(. >>81378 idfk man, all i know is that i usually take h once or so a week (sometimes i realize i hate using it then stop for a month or a few). I definetely dont think you should take it or something, i just wanted to share my own experience. I dont have anything to gain from lying to an anonymous person on the internet.

>>81379 >I dont have anything to gain from lying to an anonymous person on the internet. totally gained my full trust bud

>>81374 >They tend to into feminine looking guys more when they are bisexual fuarrrk >or young HELL YEAH

I'm quite popular with gays. Always been, too. Not with girls, girls never ever paid attention to me, at all. Gays, on the other hand... Not the ones I like though, the ones who look like girls, but the big manly ones. Probably because I'm a twink of sorts. I come to realize that is the reason for girls not liking me, only gays. But I don't like those gays. I like girls and twinks. But they don't like me back. God does have a sense of humor, I can appreciate that.

>>81379 Is it your country or a money thing? Dextromethorphan (by itself not with gyafuesen or acetaminophen/paracetimol etc that would be real dangerous) would in theory do similar. Actually some studies i read people were given ketamine then each subsequent day taking a normal labelled cough suppressant dosage of DXM. Just dont take so much you are robotripping hard and this only should be a temporary thing paired with good support from understanding knowledgable people (psychiatrists can be morons sometimes though for the record). If you cant afford anything you can do EMDR it is just darting your eyes side to side when recalling difficult memories to sort of lower your emotional reaction. Have some calming herbal tea too so long as it doesnt interact with any meds. >>81397 I meant when they themselves are bisexual not the guy. i didnt notice how ambiguous my phrasing was.

>>81408 >I meant when they themselves are bisexual not the guy. i didnt notice how ambiguous my phrasing was. I knew what you meant. I don't like bisexuals; they're just confused straights.

I hate when bad dreams bring up bad memories. >>81410 Nothing to be confused about. If someone turns someone on they just do.

I got a friend who's a NEET like me. We're honestly similar. Both of us dropped out of college because we were super depressed and had mental problems, so we decided, "Let's make art" and become video game developers. But in the end this was delusional. We both quietly viewed art as a form of escape. Maybe our lives suck, but we'd create some amazing art that makes up for it. Then I read the biography of Kurt Cobain and it killed my motivation to make art. Kurt was just like me. He believed art would be his escape and that if he got famous it would be enough to make him happy, but it wasn't enough so he turned to drugs. I think some people during mental development take a wrong turn and nothing short of a hard reset on their brain will fix them. You can convince yourself that making art or doing drugs or being a NEET will be enough for a little happiness, but in truth it's never enough. Most likely, nothing short of a life-changing trip on psychedelics or extremely intense therapy could save you. You could move to another country, try any drug you want, get a PhD, get a girl, none of that would save you. You're just messed up somehow and you need to start over

>>81412 You just need to stop trying to achieve happiness as an end goal. That was the mistake Kurt made. Being melancholic is it's own kind of enjoyment in a way. Dont get too attached to any kind of mental state, let yourself feel like soykaf when you do and feel good when you do. I think if you have some good things happen enough that helps make up for the bad enough to want to do more. Im really lacking on good things right now though. You're in a better position Lain if Alice likes you and you like her.

>>81413 I don't know if you understand. Melancholy is not an end state, for some people it's their 24/7 reality and they have to fight it constantly for any sliver of pleasure. That's why so many depressed people turn to drugs or suicide

>>81416 >you don't seem to understand I've thought of killing myself for the majority of my life so I do get it. What I'm saying is people who try too hard to be happy instead of allowing themselves to be content. I've felt a little better not even trying to force myself so much. Not that I am saying one should be completely aimless, rather just do the things that you think will take you where you want to go and don't hold expectations. Things in themselves should be experienced as they are rather than trying to force a feeling.

>>81412 I think we are all stuck forever looking for happiness, and some become so disillusioned they even turn to religion thinking if there's no happines in this world there may be in the next. I am never ever satisfied even if I have everything I want, I live in a perpetual state of dissatisfaction, even the new things lose their luster not too long after they are discovered. Life is a constant battle, that is it's defining characterstic, as far as I can tell.

>>81418 same here but cuddle with a male friend would be nice from time to time

I feel immense disdain towards this board and its posters, because most of them are under 22 years old. This makes it unbearably dull. I feel like in echo chamber, where all my past is trapped forever. Almost every idiotic thought I have ever had is reiterated endlessly here. This site is unironically doomed to youngiocrity. Look these 20 years old freaks discoursing about happiness, all the while they can't even wipe their ass. And then they whine and bitch around about how they're so depressed as if they had to die in warzone all for nothing. Their stream of consciousness is absolutely disgusting and meaningless. Youth is abominable in the same way toddlers are. They are stupid, noisy and absolutely fuarrrking clueless, but at least toddlers don't pretend to more clever than they are. I desperately need to remove myself from this environment and I swear by God I am making progress, albeit not as fast as I wish.

>>81421 You're just exhibiting narcissist tendencies trying to cover up their insecurities with your false sense of superiority.

>>81421 Well what did you expect of an imageboard community? Do you really think something as new as lainchan would have a community of actual working adults that come back to it to reminisce like it is with 4chan? No; every online community is a bunch of kids soykafting and pissing into a server. And of course all of their problems are going to be the same: this place herds a specific type of loser into one area and gives them an outlet for them to childishly spout the concerns they have from being young and dumb. Not to say that youth isn't great in its own way in that the unabashed curiosity and discoveries that come from it will change your life, but you're still on a website where people come to waste that on stupid soykaf like computer software. Create a rule in your hosts file that blocks lainchan if you don't have any self-control.

>>81421 I wonder how true that is, I'm way older than that fwiw

>>81424 Me too, as much as I want to forget my age. These two are just emotionally and cognitively stunted, stuck in their gradeschool bully stage.

>>81422 >You're just exhibiting narcissist tendencies I'm exhibiting my contempt, because seeing all this bullshit over and over again just kinda broke my brakes today. >>81425 >gradeschool bully stage Pointing out dull as being dull is not bullying. I say it here because I am up to a confrontation right now and I want youth to know that they are hopelessly dumb and are in dire need of improving their perception of life instead of rehearsing all their woes here all over again.

>>81426 The world doesn't revolve around making others entertain you. Go find something else to do if you're bored.

>>81427 >The world doesn't revolve around making others entertain you. Actually it does as long as don't confide to others that they are clowns.

Shut the fuarrrk up right? Accusing us young people of being stupid is the most fuarrrking irritating thing I have heard in my life. Uh oh you old farts are so clever, of course, I honestly admire witnessing your stupidity every fuarrrking day as you try to gaslight me into the same pitfalls you broke your sanity into. You would fuarrrking go on ranting for hours how I should live right all the while you sit in your shack completely fuarrrked in all ways imaginable. There is nothing more disgusting than listening to you giving me "life lessons", which are actually some incoherent schizophrenic word salad that only touches on reality sometimes and that by virtue of pure ungodly luck. You fuarrrking can't find anything better to do than to stalk us and assault us on account of every little mistake we make. Oh my ass fuarrrking blasts from the face of the Earth every time an older tard tried to win an argument by telling me I'm young and don't give soykaf about the subject all the while he's just insecure about his own mental retardation and his inability to win the argument. You are fuarrrking disgusting. You are the fuarrrking abomination of this world, that smothers every attempt at creative thinking or self-expression. You hinder our every attempt at living a good life. You created this fuarrrking hellish world where we have to suffer endlessly because you are deranged fuarrrking psychos. I can't keep my tears of rage inside every time I see your godless system destroy young men and turn them into the same fuarrrking evil monsters that you are. I honestly, unironically hold you for my blood enemies because all your efforts are directed towards destroying my well being and well being of other young men like me. You just fuarrrking seethe that we are intellectually superior that's why you attack us. You are fuarrrking insecure, miserable and deeply evil creatures. You are not even human. I am embarrassed out of my mind that people like you exist just to make my life unbearable. Goddamn fuarrrk off this site and stop infesting this haven for open minded people, that are unlike you capable of thinking.

>>81433 The notion of whether the younger or older self is the more legitimate one is posed by the game Prey, which I thought was cool. In our brutalizing human-juicer of a society, I have come to think that it is older people that are less legitimate. They become defeated, compressed, juiced, by the system and by their relationship to it. What they peddle as wisdom really is the circumcised mindset necessary to isolate oneself from the horrible world we live in. Not to mention the literal bioaccumulation of toxins affecting brain function and so on. The answer to this is to embrace the excesses of youth on the personal level, and ideally on the social level as well. China has made some strides in that latter direction which I think is neat.

>>81437 >The answer to this is to embrace the excesses of youth on the personal level, and ideally on the social level as well. China has made some strides in that latter direction which I think is neat. You need to elaborate. How can I "embrace" youth on personal level?

>>81433 Want my old Linkin Park CDs? They might help

>>81433 >Accusing us young people of being stupid is the most fuarrrking irritating thing I have heard in my life. Is it really THE most irritating? Life must be easy. Not gonna read all that, good luck with your egoism though.

So, do I shave my head or did the barber manage to save my soykaf? Thanks for the help btw lainons and sorry if I've acted mean to some of you, I've been having a mental breakdown for the past week or so.

>>81443 Have you tried smiling?

>>81437 >defeated, compressed, juiced, by the system is this what you call not being stupid and naive? >Is it really THE most irritating? nothing beats listening to young people on lainchan discussing their condition, so that poster probably got a bit too carried away. also your post is obnoxious did you notice that? the way you insult him without giving any actual argument. just a disgusting secular maneuver. talk about egoism now

>>81443 Your not your DNA , DNA is the master and you are the slave , you should be focused on how to outplay DNA and escape it not how to make sure he passes to the next generation and gets a new slave.

>>81444 Got hit by a brass knuckle in the cheek a few years ago, so despite my teeth being perfect, I still got muscle fuarrrk ups when I smile, like one side of my face smiles way less than the other, it looks very weird in picture >>81446 I can't tell if you're saying I need plastic surgery or to transfer my mind into a big robot

>>81447 a bio robot and one you created YOURSELF. only then can you be in control of yourself.

Once you transfer yourself in superior body you will either find its features useless or have to upgrade your brain as well which will turn you into a fundamentally different creature completely altering self perception and other aspects of your thinking. This fixes your problems much in the same way as suicide.

>>81451 >fundamentally different creature completely altering self perception and other aspects of your thinking. thats the point. >This fixes your problems much in the same way as suicide. i already told you n times that suicide is natures way of saving resources for "chad" by killing "losers" i dont respect nature.

>>81452 >i dont respect nature. You don't respect a salubrious system? Do you want to bask in ontological filth?

>>81433 It's engrained in the culture. People trying to soykaf on anyone younger than them are responsible for a lot of problems people develop. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200703/trashing-teens https://slate.com/technology/2022/11/brain-development-25-year-old-mature-myth.html >>81437 Im not saying this out of bias since i fall into the age range im talking about but ive noticed some people maybe even most get more shallow and self centred and unempathetic and shut others down the older they are. My mom in her 70s acts like anyone under 50 is a stupid child and she knows everything but she is slow wilted and acts like she has BPD. Also one of my friends went from being very understanding, supportive and open minded to a judgmental bitch once she hit 27 or so and even worse into her 30s. >>81447 Ouch, sorry to hear. Is it on side you were hit it is less? Nerve damage maybe. Alpha lipoic acid, biotin (since it for some people causes hair loss from messing up biotin production), and avoid drinking alcohol a while and drink lots of green tea that is what fixed my face when i had paralysis in it on one side. Your hair looks okay but youd look better with it a bit longer but wont take long to grow out. I hate how every time i get my hair cut they cut it shorter than I tell them.

>>81438 I think embracing youth on the personal level comes down to being appreciative of the possibility of continual dialectic radical change, maintaining mental flexibility, and having a future-oriented as opposed to a past-oriented outlook. Another feature of youth is being able to have strong opinions about things. Other features include the way that time passes or "feels". The sense of wonder and flamboyance/exuberance. etc. >>81445 >is this what you call not being stupid and naive? Stupid naivete of the youth is an important systematic adaptation to a world that is constantly changing. The fact that all humans have to re-learn basic facts is a blessing in light of the basic facts not being the same as time progresses, not to speak of the way they relate to one another. For empirical evidence you might look to the strong bias that some venture capitalists have for young business founders (e.g. ycombinator) Materially, we are all naive on a number of even very basic questions, and always will be. Coming at life from this "beginner's mind" (as it is put in the Zen vocabulary) enables more possibility. Youth should be seen as a part of the way you relate to the world, which usually trends with but is not necessarily your age. >>81464 Yeah, that's the kind of negative behavioral development that I'm talking about. All-in-all, the binary is something like being future-oriented or past-oriented, scaling at the same time with oxidative or cortisol-powered ATP production, materialism or idealism, good and evil, and so on. The infinite common future and the finite personal past.

>>81464 general old people issue is they change and declare that as maturing which gives them a superiority complex over kids who didn't change yet cause they are young. The problem is of course change can be for worse and even if they did change positive - smarter kids dont need to change cause they got the right solution first try. in other words its projecting personal development onto other people and insinuating they would develop identical to themself. As for what youth means - i think the biggest difference is willingness to try new things. Old fuarrrks got burned too often and fear risks more than love the possible gain. Youth is dynamic while age seeks stability.

>>81473 I was about to say something similar. It's from a false sense that any change is "maturity" and good rather than just changes from circumstances changes. People don't change in a linear fashion, they go through different mentalities sometimes looping back to their previous way of thinking even. There is no real single path to how people change they are effected by their experiences not so much their age. I don't think anyone at any age younger or older should think they are unquestionably in the right, they should only be concerned with what is right for themselves and people they care about, within reason of course. What people instead should focus on is trying to understand other people's points of view on why they think that way.

>>81446 >>81449 Such reddit-tier garbage. You are an enemy of humanity.

Writing this because part of my psyche tends to kick in and start either wiping my memory (generally after dipping down into theta, short sleep induction), or working via reframing, so that I lose access to direct (in)sight. So it has to be encoded through the language of symbols or recorded externally in a form where it is absolute and universally interpretable. My family is malevolent. It's obvious. Everything that just happened was so tightly scripted, so... perfect. I took the bait, every single time. Everything I said and did was wrong and to an effect the opposite of what I intended. Because my mother was setting it up, she was leading things along, running ahead of me, and setting it all up because she wants to fuarrrk me over. I saw exactly what she was doing. The sensation of going up against a superior foe is accurate, it is undeiable that every setup I just walked right into it. It's just too perfect, too on the fly. Improv to the highest degree. There is no way I could pull that off, yet she did, and always has. Yep, it's already wiping my memory. Reframing things. Manufacturing excuses. Neatly stripping out the damning details and reconstellating it into a picture where everything is normal and I just can't do anything right. Watching it happen in realtime. No. No this won't do at all. Won't allow it. Not doing it again. I had a bunch of synchronicities literally call me somewhere to act out what's happening in the inner world, externally. And symbolically capturing past present and future. It was horrifying. I wrote a lot more but deleted it. I'm not used to feeling "fear", loss, or attachment. I vaguely experience it, and have some awareness but I don't feel it, generally. It's really screwing with me. One thing is clear, so far as my family goes, something is just wrong. Supernaturally wrong. It's just me from here on. They don't believe in me, they don't want me to succeed, they don't see what I want or ought to do and help me along the way, and never have. They just watch what's falling into palce and then slowly intervene to screw it up. And if I screw it up, which I often do, and was probably programmed to do, they'll jump in to help finish destroying it all or nudging me back into a certain range. Build it up to tear it down. Pretty sure we're MK Monarch'd or some soykaf, plenty of reasons, not getting into it. If they try to add bullshit into my manifestations I'll feel their presence, and I'll make it hurt in a way they'll never forget. They are the parts of me that want to screw me over, externalized. They never wanted me to separate. Goddamn, it's a trap, I know it is, I have to reign in the destructive impulse and replace it with the creation of what I actually want. Forget about them, they are a passive element I'm allowing to become an obstacle. Everytime part of me goes to sleep and I find myself telling my mother anything shortly after there is the clear and overwhelming sensation, the awareness. "You made a mistake. You fncked up, again" The realization and rememberance of what you're actually talking to. It says all the right things, it looks like you, it is familiar, then you look at what actually happens and realize it's never good. Ever.

I am starting to wonder if it's inevitable I will kill myself. Every moment of my life has been the same miserable bullshit and it just keeps getting worse. I am completely alone, no love no friends no value in the eye's of society. I feel too old to have anything to look forward to and half my life is already over and time just slips by faster and faster and faster.

>>81433 I couldn't agree more with this sentiment. Why are these old fuarrrks trying to bully and goad authority over younger people simply by nature of being older? As though age gives you the right to treat other people like soykaf, or gives you any understanding of the challenges they face. If they want your opinion/wisdom they'll ask for it, but let young people figure soykaf out ffs. Age isn't an indication of your understanding of the world, and living in a bubble won't make you understand it better than the people living through it. I'm old myself, 28. I just think people need to give more space and stop trying to control / moral panic every little thing that younger people are doing. It's hilarious that I had to deal with that soykaf growing up - same as everyone else in my age group - and yet I'm the only one I know of in my age group that's saying "let them figure it out themselves" and "stop being an authoritarian prick to people younger than you, you insecure asshat". As they get older a lot of people seem to care too much about how other people live their lives, maybe develop less empathy as a coping mechanism for all the people they take advantage of? I hope to go the opposite way the older I get and become more open minded with age instead of less (I know some 80 year olds who are). I guess most people just resent what they percieve as lost time and potential from their own missed opportunities in youth and take it out on the people going through it right now? We need softer hearts, more compassion, and open minds. On the bright side lain, you get to shout into the void about it here. Maybe someday we'll break the cycle of generational abuse? I hope I can at least in my social world. Maybe you can in yours? P.S: "Ipad babies" don't exist, just old being being old and having a moral panic like they did about DnD and Video Games.

>>81481 I've thought the same at times, I think we're pretty alike in these sentiments. But I think the answer is ultimately "NO". > inevitable NO. It's down to your choices and the exertion of your will and control in the things you can control. Like giving your last couple of dollars to a homeless person, or meeting a new person. Throughout your life you'll be given choices, be active and make them, don't turn down experiences. And most of all, don't regret the past because you can't change it anyways and in some way beyond your memory it doesn't really exist anymore. > every moment the same > keeps getting worse > completely alone > no love or friends or value Matter of perspective. Those are feelings which will change like the weather. You choose whether they will control you or not. Go for a walk in the woods, go into a public commons like a bar and distract yourself, you'll start to realize that those feelings are often unfounded or ephemerally true. If you have no friends, then make some. But none of that stuff (assuming it even were true) is fixed, you can change it. > i feel too old > half my life is already over A better way to look at it is "I have X years before I kick the bucket, how can I make the most of them?". Never to late to start anything in life. There's 80yr old bodybuilders who started in their 60s. People who change into a different field and go to uni in their 50s. The only time it's too late to do anything in life is when you're dying or dead, and then it won't matter since your life will be complete like a developed photograph - whatever that may look like. > time keeps on slipping slipping slipping, into the future That's fine. Do what you can. When you have a project and purpose you're pursuing, tend tends to move slower. Make more memories and you'll savour more of life. Take care lain! So make it a photo to be proud of, OK?

>>81482 >P.S: "Ipad babies" don't exist, just old being being old and having a moral panic like they did about DnD and Video Games. Yes, they do, dumbass. I'm 30 btw, sit down and shut up kid.

>>81443 You look a little sad but so does pic rel so you're fine. I think the jacket and pattern shirt look nice together. Try experimenting with your hair and clothing and stuff. Finding "your look" takes a lot of trial and error. Personally, I think you look pretty nice already.

>>81484 Are you the lain I was responding to or the miserable adult baby lain who threw a temper tantrum about 20-somethings?

>>81486 I'm this Lain. >>81479 >>81308 You are causing me to realize and comprehend why a person should leave the chans. This is our roles, it would seem.

>>81482 >I'm old myself, 28. 28 is not old and never has been. >P.S: "Ipad babies" don't exist, just old being being old and having a moral panic like they did about DnD and Video Games. They absolutely do, I have met some, but they aren't that common because contrary to what the media tells you, most people are not utterly incapable of raising a child. I'm 24 years old.

>>81483 > NO. It's down to your choices and the exertion of your will and control in the things you can control. >Like giving your last couple of dollars to a homeless person, or meeting a new person. >Throughout your life you'll be given choices, be active and make them, don't turn down experiences. Yet nothing ever changes for me even though I tried hard, even when i had actual hope I couldnt succeed. I'm just too mentally fuarrrked and no one will help me to the extent I need. I've become so disheartened that I cant even get myself to trying to be close to anyone anymore because they all turn out the same no matter how great they seem at the time. >And most of all, don't regret the past because you can't change it anyways and in some way beyond your memory it doesn't really exist anymore. It exists in the 4th dimension of time which easily could be eternal. That can be a good thing or a bad thing since for good memories at least it's a comfort. The real thing going on is brain cant really tell the difference between past and present, it experiences it the same regardless. > Matter of perspective. >Those are feelings which will change like the weather. Lol i've felt like this for many years. It's not some little thing. >You choose whether they will control you or not. >Go for a walk in the woods, go into a public commons like a bar and distract yourself, you'll start to realize that those feelings are often unfounded or ephemerally true. This is something that has gone on for decades. It is true and just distracting myself isnt enough because the reality of matters just comes back at me constantly. >If you have no friends, then make some. And then just have it end all the same given enough time. I dont know if I believe anymore that true friends even exist. This is a deeper kind of loneliness. >But none of that stuff (assuming it even were true) is fixed, you can change it. I know it can change but actually having things change in a way that's actually better is another thing. > A better way to look at it is "I have X years before I kick the bucket, how can I make the most of them?". The problem is I don't know anything is worth it at this point >Never to late to start anything in life. This dread I feel is largely from societal views where I would be looked down on just for trying to live do things I didnt get to before, which will isolate me. >There's 80yr old bodybuilders who started in their 60s. >People who change into a different field and go to uni in their 50s. I know things like this happen but it just doesn't really feel the same since these people have very specific goals not more abstract ones and what they are doing isn't considered weird just impressive. I just want to have fun and be loved and love but my brain is broken where I cant even feel emotions like I used to and there is very few girls I can even relate to or that could relate to me because I dont really fit inside normal experiences people have. I feel simultaneously old and broken and like a scared inexperienced kid at the same time. >When you have a project and purpose you're pursuing, tend tends to move slower. >Make more memories and you'll savour more of life. It seems time just slips by whatever I am doing. It's partially neurological and also from every day being the same for the most part. It's hard to distinguish one day or week or month or year from the next. I remember when a day used to feel like a long time, then a week, then a month, now a year passes maybe 8 times speed. It's maddening. I have read meditation might help slow it down but that itself uses up time and will take time to develop so it is kind of a gamble. It's hard to think right now, my head is hurting. >>81484 Everyone has a smartphone these days and social media algorithms effect everyone at every age not young people uniquely. Ive seen this bizarre change in behavior among all people over the past ten years coinciding with the change to algorithms online among other things. Seems like the world has gone mad more than ever.

>>81490 >Everyone has a smartphone these days and social media algorithms effect everyone at every age not young people uniquely. Ive seen this bizarre change in behavior among all people over the past ten years coinciding with the change to algorithms online among other things. Seems like the world has gone mad more than ever. It's caused by brain damage. See the wireless device safety thread. Several other factors as well, multifactoral. Really sick of seeing muh sellfone and muh soshul meaty uhhhhhhh, get all the blame.

>>81490 >Ive seen this bizarre change in behavior among all people over the past ten years coinciding with the change to algorithms online among other things. Seems like the world has gone mad more than ever. Yes, but could it not be the case that infants and young children have much more plastic brains and much squishier senses of self, therefore making them more susceptible to this? >>81491 Yeah nobody would ever change their behavior in response to stimulus.

>>81494 >Yeah nobody would ever change their behavior in response to stimulus. You're describing NPCs. Stimulus -> response without much in between. Mind you I was filled with a lot of programmed responses myself, but at least I can see and admit it. I am currently dealing with the effects of such things.

>>81491 >Really sick of seeing muh sellfone and muh soshul meaty uhhhhhhh, get all the blame. Measurable problem returns very positive results Barely-measurable problem returns barely positive results Why are you disappointed that the former one is more cited and represented? Also fuarrrk you and your 4chan lingo

>>81496 And you don't respond to stimulus? Why is that better?

>>81490 Thank you for being honest and open lain. I’m honestly unsure how to assure you. I want you to feel better, I want to feel better, and that seems like a distant phantom. But I choose to believe that we can make our life make sense, make memories, and savour every minute so that each year might feel like an age! It probably won’t right now. Some days will feel better than others. We can’t choose how to feel, but I choose to focus on the positives and I choose to hope for real change - the kind you’re probably looking for too, to break the drudgery and cycles. Things are at least a little bit better since I started that change in perspective, somedays I’ll be down and just try to keep my head above water. Just know you’re not alone, do your best to keep your head above the water. Have hope despite how grim things may feel. Hope shines brightest in the night after all. > meditation Try it. If it works it works. If it doesn’t, then you know it doesn’t. It’s better to have tried and failed than to have not tried at all. Live a good life lain. I’ll do my best to live one.

>>81500 > I’m honestly unsure how to assure you. I'm used to that. It has been a long time since someone could just say something positive and id feel a lot more optimistic and feel better, im past that point. > we can make our life make sense, make memories, and savour every minute so that each year might feel like an age! I sure hope so > choose to focus on the positives and I choose to hope for real change - the kind you’re probably looking for too, to break the drudgery and cycles. I just have been trying to focus on little things but only friend i had left ditched me for it which made me feel worse > Live a good life lain. I’ll do my best to live one. Thanks for trying.

>>81496 >You're describing NPCs. Stimulus -> response without much in between. I should be more specific. An NPC is basically something that can't defy gravity. It can't transmute. It follows energetic gradients and sinks in a fairly predictable and reliable manner. So it's subject to the pleasure pain principle primarily. Just do some black box testing, figure what conditioning regimes it responses to, then pummel and saturate with the associations desired. It experiences the stimulus and changes its behavior. Fell asleep before this site's bullshit 5 minute cooldown was up. >>81498 It isn't. Nor was it implied that it is. Why can't you work that out for yourself, why respond to me in questions.

>>81362 Thank you lain, you made my day as well with your warm message. This world really needs more idealistic people like you, that don't take reality at face value. I will try to keep my lantern up for as long as I can. >>81364 >Just be yourself >fuarrrk you Are you insane? How can you read about "studying the other person so you can make jokes that makes them feel joy and safety" and "join their hobbies to make them like you more" and interpret those suggestions as "just be yourself?". In a way I'm telling you to act like a psychopath and craft a fake persona that would be perfect for whoever you are interested in. From another framework, i'm telling you to make her happy and seek your company and warmth in return. Here is more detailed advice, maybe that would help illustrating whatever the fuarrrk I meant: >tell her about how you have been getting into any band lately, let's say... Cut Capers. They are fun to dance to, but nothing too weird. A good starting point. No need to show too weird stuff immediately. >ask if she has been getting into any new bands lately. >briefly search one or two songs from those she mentioned on google, listen to a few minutes of it and try to find anything positive to say, observe her reactions to see if she enjoys you checking her new songs >later that day try to look for those songs she talked about. Check the lyrics, see if you can find something meaningful about them >think of an amusing question about those songs, like: "I think the fast paced ones are cool from that band, but do you like the slow paced ones?" or "Did you understand what the lyrics said at this part?" >eventually ask about her favorites, not just what is new >learn about her taste in music, and which songs speak to her. Often people's favorites talk about struggles they went through >she will probably think of you when listening to music and when she wants to share good songs with someone at this point >invite her to talk further about music in a cafe, since you have been just chit chatting on corridors at this point >she can see you are interested in her as a person and always interested in how she feels and thinks about things. Since you guys hang out sometimes and she knows you are a cool guy, trust builds up >since you know each other decently well at this point, you two talk about things other than music. You guys share problems with each other You offer help and advice, and empathy, and she, hopefully, does the same to you >one day, when looking at a song together, kinda close because of the earbuds, a kiss suddenly happens >you guys start dating This is just an example, but hopefully it illustrates what I meant. The best way to date someone is to become "the person" they go for when wanting to share things they love or problems they struggle with. Appearance only matters initially, kinda like the cover of a book. But no one has ever read a whole book just because the cover was cool.

>>81490 >The problem is I don't know anything is worth it at this point >but my brain is broken where I cant even feel emotions like I used to I am like this as well, but I was always like this. Most pleasures didn't make my gears turn like they to do most people. Very apathetic and boring existence. My partner showed me though, that if I search for songs about feeling little, or movies about people dealing with depression, I can often relate, and thus feel more. Specifically, a few things that impacted me were Touch by Daft Punk, Motivation is Dead by PinnochioP (and all these other depressed weeb robot songs from vocaloid), Clannad (the MC harms his shoulders and loses his ability to pursue his passion (a sport), and kinda just stops caring after that) and David Graeber Bullshit Jobs book. > I don't know if I believe anymore that true friends even exist. This is a deeper kind of loneliness. I agree with you, it's hard to find people who actually care deeply about others in this individualistic hellhole that we live in. I went in more detail here: >>81347 Have you tried going on a non anonymous forum for people with depression, and trying to DM people there? It's something I have been thinking about doing lately. It feels like something really meaningful to do, that doesn't require much in terms of time or resources. It can help people deeply while also helping oneself. And most people on those forums rarely go the extra mile to help each other, despite a big problem for everyone being the same: feeling lonely. It's insane! They could simply DM each other, but they don't. It's like a bunch of lesbians in a lesbian forum complaining together that they can't find women to date! Maybe if you go there and DM them, you can find some kindred souls that have trouble keeping their sanity in this insane world. As I said before, maybe one of the best ways to remedy loneliness and apathy is finding others with the same problem. Sharing pain is a good way to create meaning and cope.

My family all acts with a certain quiet malevolence. Indirect, slow, systematic, long term, highly passive aggressive, insidious, covert, subtle. Well disguised. No duper's delight, no joy, no overt malice. Never, not even a flash of it. Just cold slow destroyers. They're just here to screw me over while acting like there's nothing off about what they're doing. True unconscious apex predators, unbeatable foes. Parents are shapeshifters. You have one set of parents until ~5-6, when permanent memory formation allegedly begins. Then they change forms and become another set of parents, the ones you'll remember after the deeper programming is laid in. I feel so pathetic blaming something external to myself, but I have extreme distrust for them. They're basically just here to make sure I don't die.

idk how I can make peace with being a loser any kind of real success requires luck or IQ/talent: things I can't control and don't have. if you lack any innate qualities you can make up for it by working harder but I'm 32 so I lost a lot of time doing nothing and I also have depression/ADD which makes it very exhausting to be productive. to make any significant money you need to make it with stocks but I'm stupid so I know I would just lose it all. I'm also too stupid to think of a successful business and I lack the talent/charisma to become famous. i feel like a defective NPC. I should just go to my normal job and be happy consuming things and having some hobby i am medicore at.

>>81477 I just think humanity is disgusting and I want to transcend. You can keep rotting and playing in the mud if you want

>>81518 i don't know if you can really ever control yourself considering you are the creation of the universe/God, it matters little if you transfer yourself into another body. anyway you can already control your body through force of will.

>>81517 influence luck by rolling the dice more often. issue is how to afford more dice rolls. There are programs for founding your company, its tedious bureaucracy but it allows you to roll with gov money which makes it feasible even if you aint from rich parents.

>>81443 That is a fair haircut. You are probably just used to seeing whatever you were used to seeing. Wait a week or so and you'll forget about it.

what do you even mean by being rejected. what is wrong with concept that all of you are so mindlessly obsessed with it?

>>81443 there is nothing wrong with you from what i can see. some idiots are saying you look sad, but who cares. you shouldn't care at all. what i advise you to do instead is when you get out to wear some confidence, which it's attractive. then you just need a personality. if you don't have one, don't worry about it. be honest and never force yourself into something you're not. >>81323 shave it off and get ripped then leave everything and go live in a hut in the forest. just realized i called you shrek lamao but i am actually serious, shaving head and working out will save a lot of badly balding men out there. a lot of people don't realize that we are all much closer to being chad than they might think. all in all, time and time again it is proven that the sexiest dress you can clad yourself in is confidence.

>>81337 >>81341 Piracy is normalized though. No need to be wary. Just tell em truth.

Becoming a wagie and dealing with the regime bureaucracy have together launched a final assault on my soul. I hope I can get it back at some level before the end of the year. Maybe it'll take a vacation or something.