socially inept new hire

Relations or interactions with humans 2 months ago I got my first job in IT as a temp, helping with a deployment project. I was expected to be there for only a few months, but they're deciding to keep me on board permanently and integrate me into their global IT support dept. I've been helping out with basic IT tasks with their ticket platform for only a couple weeks. It's still hard because I'm not used to interacting with people on a regular basis, but I think I get along with my team okay. Given time, I hope it will get easier. I was turned down from many interviews because of soykafty communication skillz. At least I have not yet had to use telephony to interface with the clients (except for a bot on dell support), just email at the moment and that makes it easier for me (i think my coworkers know this too). Social anxiety and not being able to fit in as well as others is probably the biggest contributing factors as to why it had taken me forever to land a job in IT. I've wanted to work with computers since I was a kid, but my progress/goals had been hindered for some 15 years due to various reasons (ADD?, procrastination, drugs, hard to concentrate, motivation, possibly autistic). No college, only a couple comptia certifications and hundreds upon hundreds of hours reading anything I can, alone at home. It's Sunday and I go back to work tomorrow and I'm already feeling anxious again about another long week. I feel like I should be happy and overwhelmed with joy about getting this job.My fam is really proud because they thought I lost my way years ago, but at the same time I wonder if I am ever going to get anywhere with it if I cannot learn how to speak. The meetings I have to go through are hard enough. Shit's mentally draining af. I feel like it's holding me back from my true potential. I wish I had some kind of magic button that would stop time so that I could have more time to conjure up the right words to say (click). I feel like this rubs off as a bit rant-ish, but I just wanted to share what I have been experiencing. I'm sure there are many other humans out there that can relate to some of this. That is all I have at this moment.

> I wish I had some kind of magic button that would stop time so that I could have more time to conjure up the right words to say (click). If you have seen the movie "Click", I hope you would realize what a Terrible Curse it would be to be able to depart and return to others' timelines. "Now" is all you've got... From one channer to another, I'm sure we both appreciate Free Speech. I'm sure you may also suffer from "10 Ideas, 1 Mouth". I also tend to speak very quickly, because that's how fast I verbalize while Thinking or Reading. Repetition pisses me off a lot. It's a balancing act. We'll all be dead in 100 years. And yet, if you feel rushed, then take a moment. Go for a walk and listen to the wind or the birds or look for bees flying around. If you have low esteem in your words, then speak more, write more, draw more, create more, complain more, ask more, answer more. You MIGHT get better at some things by doing them LESS. But thinking yourself into knots and loops does little to solve the Real Problems of customers and co-workers relying on you for God-Knows-What. If you were Utterly Unbearable, and a Lost Cause, would they keep you on? How negatively do you think of others when they make minor mistakes? Maybe you do judge them for eternity, forever remembering every tiny misstep they take. Or maybe you don't give a soykaf and get on with your day even after someone trips and breaks their nose on the floor !! After making sure they are well-attended to and taken care of, Of Course !!

>>80281 Been a long week, but here I am. "10 ideas, 1 mouth" is a pretty accurate description of what it feels like. I would say that I have pretty low confidence in the words I choose and often stumble over my words sometimes. I've been at this new job for a couple months now and we do these video chat meetings a couple times a week. We go around in a circle and, while the others are talking, I quickly write down what I'm going to say in advance. It's getting a little easier with time. It's really the first job I've had where communication is a big part of the job, unlike my old jobs where I silently performed the same task, night after night. My supervisor has been pretty happy with my work. I just hope I can keep it up. I have heard that "less is best" and I try to do that sometimes. If I take a break from what I'm doing (e.g., studying a certain subject or a hobby), there's no telling when I'll get back into it, if ever again. I swear, a month ago I got the sudden desire to learn how to use the sewing machine (cosplay), but I took a break 2 weeks ago and haven't messed with it since. I would like to go at it again soon though. I have a habit of getting into different hobbies and I'll sort of rotate from one to the next. However, my IT studies have been fairly consistent and I try to study when I can. It's just hard to consume a lot of information and remember most things. Sometimes I have to go slow and maybe draw pictures to help visualize things or make flash cards. Sometimes I have to read the same chapter more than once and bookmark it if I still have trouble. Whatever works. I make little mistakes occasionally. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes so I can't judge someone for their mistake unless maybe it's a really stupid mistake then maybe I'll laugh. I'm not to good at expressing/showing sympathy (e.g., talking with someone who is going through a rough moment), but I do feel it for sure. Reminds me; I have a friend who, a few years ago, had his girl leave him. He called me at 2 in the morning, an absolute wreck, asking me to come over cuz he thought he was going to do something bad. I'll admit I was annoyed having just woke up, but I still dropped by. I didn't know how I'd be able to help him. I told him it's been only a few days, but it gets better soon because I had went through the same thing and I talked about what it was like for me since it was at least one thing I could relate to. We sat for a while and talked about computer soykaf and he chilled after a bit then I went home cuz I was tired af. I checked up on him occasionally making sure he was cool. He's doing good now and got into game development, which is cool.

>>80247 One way of coping is to create pre-programmed responses. Rehearsal ahead of time makes it easy. Practice some phrases or voice prompts you might say for different work situations. There are generally only a finite number of situations like giving reports, presenting an issue (always present a possible solution or two along with it) and you can rehearse why you might choose one option over another if you already have the options available. There is nothing wrong with sounding like a robot if it sounds professional, In fact treat it like acting. Pretend you are acting in an office TV show and your character is a good communicator. Some of the other people at the office usually make me go to the phones because I just go full customer service mode and my voice completely changes from someone who mumbles to someone who speaks confidently and enthusiastically. tl:dr practice acting out a character you want the world to think you are. If you wear the mask long enough, you become that character and that is all people see in you. You can even have your character wear specific clothing that the normal you does not, maybe a comfortable professional business suit, which helps to compartmentalize the different characters and you can separate you work and personal life.

>>80353 >create pre-programmed responses. That actually sounds like a pretty good idea. I'll have to try that whenever I come up with potential questions that one might ask me. I could also try making a list of common subjects that might come up in casual conversation. For me, the casual conversation is one of my weakest points. I'm often busy with tasks, at the computer, so I don't find myself idling and getting stuck chatting with the others. I've been trying though, especially in the mornings when I'll ask my partner how his weekend went. I told him I planned to replace the alternator in my other vehicle and when Monday morning came around, he asks how it went with my car. I wanted to lie and say that I finished it, but I just said I was lazy during the weekend and didn't get to it, so maybe next weekend. I've had to use the "phone" a couple times so far, but it's really voice chat on the computer but it's still just as nerve wracking and worse when video is required. Lol I do have "specific" clothing I wear at work. I kind of have my own style; bright-colored buttoned-up business-casual shirts and ironed khakis and tacky pink watch strap. I used to paint my nails (usually index finger) a pink-salmon color to match my watch strap, but I think that'll be too much for work so I'll likely keep that at home and with friends.

It's difficult for people like you to deal with lunch time and other similar 'social context' in the workplace . Some workplace culture is "we are like a family" where people must be 'friends' and hang out and gossip during or after work, and for some their work-life becomes your whole personality and identity. Personally I think that's toxic and sad, and the reason countries like China and Japan suck to live in. Do you have anxiety about being seen eating alone and not having any 'friends' at work, do you sit next to your colleagues when eating or where do you generally take your lunch ?

Social skills are called "skills" for a reason. Just like math "skills" or programming "skills", nobody is born with them, you have to build them if you want them. And just like math and programming, the only way to build them is by practicing.

>>80355 Cursed skill mode: >learn how to get very good at sarcasm and insults and then just make jokes in every conversation. >>80358 Cafeterias are a good way to meet people. You are all expected to be in the same room together, and most people don't know most of the people, which means that there is basically an even playing field of not-knowing people. Knowing this, you can just follow a simple pattern >Ask to sit at a table or if a seat is taken >If they say yes or the seat is not taken, then sit there >Introduce yourself "I am lain" >Ask them who they are >Ask them what section of the company or organization they work in >now you have a number of conversation branches to explore. Some other pro-tips >Ask open ended questions (How, Why, When, Where, Could you explain...) instead of yes or no >If they ask you about yourself, you can provide a simple answer (don't ramble for minutes) and ask them a similar question back. People like to talk about the things that they make or do. You can actually find a lot of information on how to small talk. The hard part is actually starting a conversation. I used to be afraid to talk to people, but then I started conversations with other people. There is no risk to talking to people, and it makes sitting around less boring, and you meet interesting people and learn new things every day that way. Also people appreciate the human connection.

>>80358 Yeah, I do not do the whole lunch thing yet. I don't even eat at work. I have no idea who anyone is except the guys I work with personally. Even after a couple months, I'm starting to get more comfortable around them. It's no secret I'm hard to get to know. Yesterday, some lady asked how my weekend went out of the blue and I said "soykaf" in my head. I stop and pause for a second and it's like a switch in my head flips and I go autopilot. She tries to spark up conversation a lot more than other people normally do so it throws me off, especially when I'm already mentally drained from dealing with people from IT tickets. I'm just taking it a day at a time.

>>80372 The biggest barrier to talking to people is honestly not the 'skill' or ability for smalltalk. Most people over 20 have lived enough years that they can get decent at ping-ponging some questions back and fourth. Being 'socially inept' is kind of a myth I think (at least for me) one barrier and issue is the potential for rejection, the feeling that you are going to somehow burden them by talking to them, that they wont like you, that you wont like them, and that the conversation will be 'forced' to continue once you initiate. All these thoughts are a sort of social diplomacy that over-analyzers tend to fall into (i bet many in here), and 'gamify' . Not to mention i dislike a large portion of people by default. This is the issue for me personally, I also dont want to appear needy and seeking rapport with people that dislike me as I dont want them to feel 'above me' thinking 'look at that needy person trying to seek my approval' or something, so i end up not talking at all a lot of the time to most people. I also dont like saying something 'forced' and lame/boring to someone i dont relate to, just so that i can socialize - because then also you could accross as some yapping nothingburger. I have no solution so far, I just try to focus on finding a few friends i can trust.

Just an update after almost 2 months. I've still managed to maintain this IT support position and it sounds like they've got bigger plans for me to get more acquainted with the daily IT support operations. It took several months, but I'm getting along with my two coworkers pretty well and have been using the voice communication with some of the service tickets already. Doing voice while troubleshooting an issue is pretty difficult because there's not much to say while I'm conectrating, digging around, to find out the source of a problem. I'll tell the user to do something to see how something behaves and that's about it. The more I do the voice communication with the employees, it does get easier, but slowly. However, some people have attitude, but I try not to let that bother me. Most of the time, they're pleasant enough to work with. Next week, they're gonna start training me on starting purchase orders and doing some basic administrative tasks within their ERP system so that should be fun. I like learning new things, so its okay. The more I know, the better. If I, for whatever reason, cannot stick with this company, I'll still come out with a lot more experience than I've ever had to begin with. Commute is a little longer than I like, but I'm just going to try to stick with it and make sure I keep saving as much as I can toward another vehicle for emergencies. 90 business days is pretty much up as a temp, so they will need to start making a decision to keep me or not. Based on the fact that they've all these plans to get me trained even more, I don't think they'll want to let me go any time soon. I didn't think I would get involved with so many different tasks and even get the opportunity to work inside an IDF patching in network cables. It's crazy. I've only read about this kind of stuff in books, before. I guess time will tell. I'll just continue working, studying and saving up. Hopefully I don't burn out and get all depressed because I'm just not as sharp and in focus with work when I am in that state. Old man recently quit working, on disability (health), so that's been putting a very great deal of strain on me. It is hard to sleep and feel happy a lot of times.

>>80370 Yes! That’s exactly it. And OP lain is doing swimmingly! >>80382 I think she thought you are interesting, or just wanted to be friendly and meet a new person. You should say hi back sometime, you might make a new friend! >>81889 I think it’s beautiful watching your growth into a more socially confident person through your whole ordeal. You’ve been making a lot of great progress slowly adapting and learning new skills, evolving and growing wings to fly! You should be proud of yourself, I think what you’re doing is inspiring OP. Keep Growing!

>>81893 Appreciate the encouraging words. Shit's hard but I'm trying. There are some days that make me want to have a drink (haven't drank in 5 years). The end of the weekends are probably the hardest because I always feel low by Sunday night. It's that initial "high" I get from being excited Friday evening, then I feel depressed afterward. It's easy to think of productive things to do, but it's hard for me to commit to certain tasks. This weekend wasn't too bad because I went outside and replaced the shot alternator in my older vehicle, which I've been telling myself I'd do for a couple months. Was a little pissed because it was so hot outside and I got covered in oil, flakes of rust, and some nasty soot-like material from removing the air intake hose. There was also a wasp nest in the undercarriage (gave me a bloody heart attack). Also think I stressed my wrist a little too hard trying to get the drive belt off. It feels better now and I made some spare time so screw off. Spent the rest of the weekend listening to Macroblank (something new I started listening to) and Windows96. Surfed on CS:S a little and played around with my virtual machines and tried learning MySQL in Kali. Figured out how to create a simple database, define the columns and put rows of data in the tables. It's some cool soykaf. There's even a Python library for connecting to and working with databases. I'm sure there's libraries for C/C++ and most of the other popular languages. >You should say hi back sometime I do sometimes when I see her, but I don't stick around enough to talk a whole lot unless I'm doing work around her office area. I'll see how her weekend was next time. I still need to work more on speaking, so I've been talking to myself while I drive to work and back sometimes. I know, it sounds crazy.

>>81969 > Shit's hard but I'm trying That's what matters at the end of the day. Better to try and fail than not try at all, and each attempt you get a little better! > It's that initial "high" I get from being excited Friday evening > weekend wasn't too bad It's kind of funny that our anticipation of something is usually more intense than the actual experience itself. I have the same issue where I never seem to find time, but I know that time isn't found but made, so I feel pretty great too when I get something done on the weekend. > Macroblank > Windows96 You've got great taste. I'm gonna have to listen to these more! > Database / CS stuff That's really cool. I've never gotten around to doing a full stack webdev thing, maybe I finally should. > It sounds crazy Hey, if it works it works!

Been a long week, at work. I didn't think I'd say this, but IT support is rough. It's not bad all the time, but I occasionally run into an issue that I have a difficult time troubleshooting and resolving. I'm still working on my troubleshooting methodology and figuring out how things work around there. I was trying to get one's Ethernet connection working at the desk a few days ago. I asked him how long it has been out and he said about a month but nobody fixed it yet... So he was using the wireless since. The port is supposed to be PoE but wasn't powering the phone and I didn't get a DHCP lease when I plugged a laptop in. Normally I'd read the label on the drop's housing but there was no housing (or label). There was literally a rough hole in the wall with the cable sticking out. So I used the toner/probe kit to trace the run back to an older model PoE switch (the port died). I tried patching the run into another port and had somone switch it over to the right VLAN. I run back to the guy's desk and plug the phone back in and bam, it's getting power and network connection back up. It was kind of fun. He thought it was funny a new temp fixed it instead of someone who's been there 10 years.. They ought to replace that switch soon because ports are going out one by one. Looking forward to the weekend. I put in an order for a replacement keyboard for my home setup. I've been wanting to get a nice mechanical keyboard, but had been putting it off because there were so many choices and the prices are high. I decided to settle on a Cidoo V65 and am excited to try it out and see what all I can do with it. I currently have a Corsair K70 and many of the keys are having issues registering multiple presses (bouncing) and much of the RGB diodes have gone bad. I've only had it for about 3 years, but I recall the keys acting up well before a year of use. So I'm ready for something new and fun.

Everything you said in the OP makes good sense and is expressed well, so you definitely have communication skills. And it's great that you've landed a decent job despite the obstacles. My suggestion for overcoming the social anxiety is to find a therapist you can work with and start chipping away at it. I did field service for a living in spite of my social anxiety and autistic tendencies. But that was easier because I got to retreat to my car between calls. I know how it feels to be suddenly thrust into a social situation where you're a fish out of water. But you can work on it and learn how to deal with it adequately. It's just a lot easier if you have some help from the right therapist. You'll be ok, man.

>>82570 I could probably try the therapist thing, but I have to wait until I get benefits from work. I have been taking an anxiety-reducing medication (unconventionally) and I feel like it helps, but I feel bad about it at the same time. Communication is becoming a little easier still. This week, alone, has been a lot to take in with more training. Yesterday, I was on a meeting with some sales/service rep for one of our software providers. I don't know anything about the business-end of stuff, so I was always stoppin him to ask what this and that means. I'm practically fresh off the boat with this stuff. I was also stuck on a call with someone who was gettin pissed because he had custom folders in his inbox that were only showing the first 14 days of mail and I couldn't, for the life of me, figure it out. It was painful as hell to go through, so I just said hey man I'm gonna have to let you go for a moment while I check into this and see if I can find someone who knows a little more about this. He wasn't too happy, but what can I do? Lol. Fukin hell. They're finally getting me converted as "official" employee, instead of a temp like I have been for months now. With the pay increase, there's going to be a lot more responsibility and I'm not sure how long I'll be able to keep up this momentum, but I try every day. I have to work on my multi-tasking skills too and establish a nice system for keeping track of stuff, like inventory.

Just another update. Not sure if I need to see a therapist at this point. I've been getting a little better with the whole human interaction soykaf. Still pretty awkward, but I'm able to get work done, at least. I still don't understand that much terminology when it comes to the business side of things and the steps involved with obtaining/renewing licenses. I'm pretty much a late bloomer, if you will, so I am very behind on a lot of things that most adults are familiar with. I didn't really expect I'd be working with the procurement of goods (e.g., replenishing our inventory and getting more licenses), but it's just one of my various tasks when I'm not doing general IT service. I start my first day in the coming days as an "official" employee, opposed to being a temp, like I have been for over 4 months now. I'm still worried that I'm getting myself into more than I think I can handle. I haven't got fired yet, so I guess I'm doing something right. My communication skillz still need a lot of work, but I am getting a little more comfortable using the phone instead of chat messages all the time. I often have to schedule new hires to visit me in the IT office so I can run through their laptop and/or phone setup. I really like that Microsoft Teams screen sharing feature because I can get a user to share their screen with me over a voice call and I can more easily run them through steps, or be able to get a better handle on the kind of issue they're dealing with so I know what to do. Not going to lie, I was very stressed most of the week because I had to take pre-employment tests a second time. I was taking b3n-zoes. I had like 5 days to prepare, so I stopped immediately. The first two days was extremely rough because my head just felt really screwed up (should have called off sick that day). I felt so off, I was genuinely scared. After a couple more days I started coming around and felt a lot better. I don't think I'm going to mess with that soykaf anymore. Fortunately, I cleared the test with no questions asked. Monday is the beginning of my journey and I guess time will tell where I'll find myself. My first IT job working for a large and respectable company. I just hope I can hold on and get as much experience as I can and keep on studying in my free time. It's funny to think about, but I was considering calling off the first interview for this place, then I decided I'd give it a shot even though I wasn't feeling too enthusiastic. I was beginning to believe that I should just give up and drink myself to sleep because I didn't want to do anything else. Then I got an offer. If I would have canceled the interview that day, I wouldn't know what I'd be doing right now. Sometimes it pays to get out of bed.

>>83229 Thanks for the update. I don't know why, but it really makes me feel good to hear that you're making progress. Remember that any new job (or anything else) is hardest at the beginning. As you learn more and get acclimated, things will get a little less stressful. I can relate to what you said about a customer being upset. In my experience they won't get too mad as long as they know someone is working on the problem. You already made it to regular employee. I really like seeing people overcome big problems life threw at them, despite hardship and frustration. I know what it's like. Keep doing what you're doing -- it's working. What's the old saying... "Improivise, adapt, and overcome."

Oh, yeah, about the "ten ideas, one mouth" thing. What mostly works for me is to just focus on one aspect more or less at random. You have to do that when you're in a real-time conversation with somebody. When you're sitting alone, you can try to explore more aspects and come up with some synthesis that makes sense, but that's different.