/vent/

old thread hit limit prev: >>77415

I really, really dislike OCD and the intrusive thoughts and rumination that come with this soykaf. I'm exhausted of having to constantly try to solve stupid issues that don't actually have any basis in reality. But if I don't ruminate on it and "solve" it, it feels as though it will somehow manifest in reality, no matter how nonsensical it is. It's exhausting and it feels as though I don't have any time to think about anything else.

>>79665 I agree and I also try to make things I myself will use. However in rare circumstances I think development can be fun. Maybe you are working on some hard technical challenge, or you get a grant to work on some research task (I once got the chance to do so - in a very loose sense). Anyway I don't know why I am saying this because it sounds like we are on the same page. I also like theoretical cs but I am getting increasingly sick of maths after being assessed on it for n years. Being tested is also another great way to kill the fun...

>>79674 Sorry to hear that. I am not diagnosed but Im told i might have OCD along with a mix of other mental illnesses. Im completely dysfunctional.

>>79676 >but I am getting increasingly sick of maths after being assessed on it for n years. Being tested is also another great way to kill the fun... If it's about passing a course your best bet is to simulate test-taking at home at least a couple of times.

>>79679 Yeah I know... Basically I wanted to get really competitive grades because it pissed me off that people were talking over the professor in lectures (presumably in a more competitive institution there is more respect) - I am kind of joking here but not completely. Anyway I figured that I just have to grind for at least 30 hours for each exam and then I will probably do well. Multiply that by \geq 5 exams and it quickly becomes un-fun. I do have time to try new activities/hobbies though so it's not too bad.

so apart from irony nobody has tried to give definition to loneliness. are you content living like that? are you content calling yourself solitary therefore miserable, but never actually stopping to figure out what being solitary means, what loneliness is? how are you supposed to solve a problem you do not know about?

>>79681 Alone =/= Solitary =/= Lonely Alone - meaning alone in certain space and time e.g. "Alone in a room", "Alone in the house", etc. Solitary (lifestyle) - living alone for extended periods of time. May have visitors. Lonely - disconnected from other people. You can see them, interact with them on a daily basis, maybe even live with them, but no matter what you do, you can never feel close with any (most) of them for various reasons. Which begs the question, why? What are those reasons? Usually it's because there is some perceived discrepancy that you see between yourself and them. Maybe you have some experiences, trauma, way of life that you think they can never understand because you think they've never been through it. They could never "get it". Maybe you are right and maybe you are wrong. So internally, essentially it means you give up on the idea that they could understand you, yet you crave understanding. Or it could be vice versa and you think you could never understand them, because they have experiences and life you will never relate to. Usually it's a mix of both. Sometimes you even want to be lonely but you refuse to admit it to yourself because it's has become a part of you ego, who you are. People make a movie their whole personality, so why not this too? This belief arises from being ostracized. You are in a group of people, they are talking, you don't relate to them, you say your perspective and everyone goes silent for a moment and pretty soon it's obvious they don't relate to you or you to them. This happens enough times and soon you form the belief that you are lonely. You stop your attempts at sharing and depending on the severity of your "loneliness", you may get further withdrawn and actually live alone or even have completely solitary lifestyle. This then only further reinforces the perceived discrepancy between you and them. Why you want to be understood? Because being understood means being forgiven or accepted, and being accepted could even mean being loved. I wrote that "mass psychosis" post (not irony btw) because I repeatedly notice people think that they are one of a kind and that "No one could possibly understand them and their difficult life". We are a sensitive generation that grew up bombarded with all kinds of narratives. We are made to think that we absolutely need to meet certain criteria in life by certain age (gf/bf, career, job, etc) and if we don't, the discrepancy, the difference between us and the average person, the n0rm1e, will just continue to grow and we will be more lonely. Sure, there are people who truly want those things, but for the majority, it's because of fear of being "othered". I digress. Back to the problem of loneliness. The problem is that it's real but not in the way many of us believe. I wouldn't be able to completely understand other people either. No matter who they are or even when they've had same experiences as me. That's because everyone has different thresholds for pain, happiness, love etc. The only way you could fully and absolutely understand someone, is to BE THEM. Which is surprise, surprise, impossible. When self-ascribed "empaths" (UGH) say "I feel your pain", even if they are being honest, what really is happening is they are feeling some version of what they think is your pain. No one can feel your pain. You are alone in your pain. You always were. So is literally everyone else, no matter how extroverted, lively, outgoing lives they live. Such is the default human condition. Maybe earlier in life you had the illusion that you "are connected", but it was slowly shattered. Friendships and relationships are nice delusion, but a delusion nonetheless. So are games, and religions, and everything that we make up, just so we don't have to think about this. Good news: so is the dread that comes from feeling lonely. Once you understand that this is how it always was for everyone, the word itself loses its semantic meaning and you no longer feel the dread. Why pine for something that you or anyone else has never had? Some of you will go and say "well that just sounds like cope with extra steps". Maybe you are right. Or maybe you should see the couples that were together for 30+ years, had couple of kids, good careers, but still ended up dying alone and miserable anyway. I've head them say that. >But they had a full life!! Read again the previous paragraph. What do you know of full life? Especially if you haven't had it. Likely solution: Try to participate in the delusions and the mass psychosis, knowing well that it's temporary. This will require that you let go of some of the individualism that western society has made you think you have to cling to. Tell yourself, you are not that special, not that different, others have it worse and move on with you day. Try to talk to people, play games, join a religion, sit in on the couch and pretend to care about some ordinary football team. Be kind. Unlikely solution: Only if we advance ourselves to the point of become a telepathic hive mind that can transfer memories and experiences and emotions along with thoughts, we can maybe shrink the discrepancy that causes the feeling of alienation and loneliness. I don't think this will happen, but one can hope.

>>79683 Solitary =/= Lonely that's up to debate with a dictionary, but can't care less. just saw them used interchangeably in literature > Lonely - disconnected from other people. >no matter what you do, you can never feel close with any (most) of them for various reasons. good definition, that is, better than what was before. but while your mind >begs the question, why? my mind begs the question: what is closeness? if loneliness is a lack of closeness, then we recurse. we must define either of them to get something meaningful. so what is closeness? the rest of the post is just a narrative from life, so no comments. also, >Likely solution does not seem to be based on anything

>>79685 >what is closeness? I didn't provide a definition, I provided a subjective interpretation that is a mirror of my experience and my perceiving of the world. If you read and understood the paragraph where I said that's the default human condition, you wouldn't be asking me that question. We can only get a vague idea of what emotions mean to us precisely because of that. Not to mention language itself is a barrier. It can never be an objective definition. In the most objective sense possible, loneliness like closeness, is an emotion. And trying to define emotion, is the equivalent to defining the shape of water. >well duh emotions are subjective and only chemicals sort of true but still very lazy answer. True because the physical manifestation is really only chemicals, false because they are not completely subjective and not objective either. Some may relate to my subjective interpretation of loneliness which in turn makes it lose its subjectivity. >the rest of the post is just a narrative from life if you get it, you get it, if you don't, oh well. Maybe some day. >does not seem to be based on anything It's based on statistics and it's not that deep. If you want to not feel "the scary feelings", simply stop thinking and embrace the average, n0rm1e life where you are too busy to ask questions like "what is loneliness or X or Y or Z". Keep yourself busy and fill your time with all sort of sh1t.

>>79686 >You are alone in your pain based on this you define loneliness as inability to transmit Qualia to others. are you sure this is correct? ability to share about their worries often gives people what they call cure from loneliness. do you diverge with them at this point or not?

>>79696 what's most important they don't seem to care about transmitting Qualia. they do not need the other side to feel it just the way they do. and yet they do not feel lonely. at least a portion of them. >If you want to not feel "the scary feelings", simply stop thinking and embrace the average, n0rm1e life where you are too busy to ask questions like "what is loneliness or X or Y or Z". how can you do that simply and what exactly is n0rmie life and how is it principally different from any other?

>>79696 >based on this you define loneliness as inability to transmit Qualia to others. are you sure this is correct? I specifically said in >>79686 I'm not providing a definition, only my perspective. Also I find issue with that term (qualia) because it promotes subjectivity. In our case here, we have intersubjectivity and it's bothersome how often it's overlooked. >how can you do that simply no idea. >what exactly is n0rmie life I have some observations from real life. Still I'm wrong person to ask. If I knew I probably wouldn't be here. >how is it principally different from any other? Lies around the middle of the Bell curve. I cannot recognize sarcasm, but based on these questions I'll assume I'm being trolled and won't be going into discussion anymore. Good day.

>>79697 Get a 9/5 5/2 job. Get a partner. Buy a house. Marry. Have a child. Each step removes the degrees of freedom you have until your biggest wish is to have enough time and peace of mind to read a book you've been planning to read for like a year. I'm personally not that far along but many people I know are.

>>79703 I think that the solution is monomaniacal devotion to work and family. throw that book out, reading for pure pleasure is degenerate. and so on.

>>79704 Too satisfied with life? Feel too little like a withered, empty husk, sucked dry by the demands of others and never enjoying yourself? Want to develop debilitating addictions and stupid political opinions as a way to cope? Try this! >>79681 loneliness is not having enough connections that you find fulfilling. The precise number is different from different people. Being solitary just means not being around other people much or having few connections. Many people are solitary and enjoy it, many people are solitary and hate it. >how are you supposed to solve a problem you do not know about? by bumbling around until you stumble on the solution. Works surprisingly well in many cases. >>79683 >we are a [...] generation feh. >The only way you could fully and absolutely understand someone, is to BE THEM. Okay, but there is quite a lot of wiggle room between "everyone is alone/connections aren't real" and "everyone is literally the same person". You can truthfully understand and empathize a lot with someone's life and experiences by observing their behavior and talking to them (shocker!). Maybe you can't *completely* understand but you can make a good approximation, and that's usually more than enough. Sometimes too much, even. >Once you understand that this is how it always was for everyone, the word itself loses its semantic meaning and you no longer feel the dread. Why pine for something that you or anyone else has never had? I don't buy it. I think what you're describing is the stage of depression where you forget what it was like to not be depressed.

Just like essence of femininity and womanhood is found in life, birthing and up-keeping it, so is essence of masculinity found in death. We go to wars, we get off the boats the last, we venture off and endanger our lives in total disregard for it. To die for something or someone else is best reward for man. We yearn for grand battle on the battlefield where we can give all our own and potentially die. Men are meant for complete annihilation. Even "upholding peace" as policeman or armymen do, they do with idea of utilizing violence and potential death to do so. And if they're "upholding peace" that means they're cutting off something else to take root, they're killing it off. In western countries the "adulthood ritual" has been stripped off the main culture. In primitive rural areas you either become a "man" or "woman" when ___ thing happens. Either you catch a lion, make a baby, whatever the culture regards as part of your identity. In west we don't have it. I propose that death is ritual of adulthood in west (at least for men). Sometimes literally, but mostly metaphorical death can be found in any task that is "not desirable". Men, not boys, have to do things they don't want to. By doing things you don't want to you start to condition the mind that you are not important, that death is not something to shy away from. Todays hedonistic narcissistic life only sees this as a "competition" amongst men for resources and women. Vacuous things like "rewards" and "pleasures". Pain is the only pleasure a man can get because it brings him closer to realizing his potential death. Go and do what's hard. Do it until you can't anymore. Do it until it's done. Do it until you die and there is nothing more than what you're doing. After you die you will be reborn as a new man, kill that guy too.

>>79704 >monomaniacal devotion to work and family. throw that book out, reading for pure pleasure is degenerate That's stupid. True wisdom is having both devotion and pleasure. Choose only one and you are on fast track to being on your deathbed full of regrets.

>>79710 Just like pain doesn't exist pleasure doesn't exist also, it is a lie peddled by those that want you to die for their cause. If we rationalized pain as a brain signal trying to shelter ourselves from death then we can easily realize pain doesn't exist since we know we won't die from doing ____. If we realize we won't die from doing ___ then pain ceases to exist since there is nothing stopping us to do it. Just like pain, pleasure is a signal that what we are doing is "giving us life" aka opposite of dying. Eating, having sex, "taking a breather", socializing with friends and achieving your goals. All such activities have been perverted in todays world in ultimate purpose of "giving us life" and "making us feel alive". But after realizing you are already dead and that you need to die then there is no purpose in pleasure seeking. Everything and nothing is pleasure, everything and nothing is pain. It is all part of perception. Are you alive or dead is the main question, and most people partaking in pleasure are dead.

>>79711 >we won't die from doing ____. If we realize we won't die from doing ___ then pain ceases to exist You know that people have died from pain, right? Strong pain can trigger a heart attack in those with frail hearts. >pleasure is a signal that what we are doing is "giving us life" aka opposite of dying No, at least not for me. I don't feel like I'm "given life", that's exaggeration. It's nice when it's there and that's pretty much it, no hard feelings. >But after realizing you are already dead and that you need to die then there is no purpose in pleasure seeking. Beings aren't dead. Their physical body can die, but the soul has always existed and it is immortal. And are you saying there is purpose in pain seeking? Because seeking pain (or pleasure) doesn't grant you nirvana or enlightenment. I'm against hedonistic lifestyle, but asceticism is not for everyone so don't push it. >Go and do what's hard. I say go and do what's smart. What intuitively makes sense. You don't want to be on your deathbed full of regrets. "Hard" means different things to different people. Lets say for a monk it's easy to meditate and hard to get wasted in rave. Should a monk go and get wasted in rave? Suffering doesn't grant enlightenment.

>Suffering doesn't grant enlightenment. Might be stupid idea, but it might be true. In a sick and roundabout way of course, but still.

>>79714 this is official buddha lore. dude tried the whole starving yourself ascethism thing and then said eh was pointless folks its a scam dont do it.

>We go to wars But do not want them to happen. >To die for something or someone else is best reward for man Then go and kill yourself. That will a very grand battle against you fear of death. Do yourself this honor. >Pain is the only pleasure a man can get because it brings him closer to realizing his potential death. Then go on and kick yourself. Your enemy is your fear of death. Gain victory over it. Do you think it is an easy battle? Go and kick yourself, and if you manage to kick yourself so hard you pass out, be happy. >Go and do what's hard. Do it until you can't anymore. Do it until it's done. Do it until you die and there is nothing more than what you're doing. Is typing posts this hard for you? Are you some kind of a cripple that only has one finger and writes a sentence in hour. >Just like pain doesn't exist Get a light hammer and break your finger and then come back and repeat these words to me again. >But after realizing you are already dead you wrote a post on lainchan and proceeded to live seeking pleasure that does not exist.

>Go and do what's hard. On a second thought, you do have a point because usually the hard thing to do is the right thing to do. I just don't like when people assign meaning to suffering, because that's clearly cope. Assume suffering is pointless and there are no lessons to be learned from it.

fried brain catches you into an intricate recursion

>>79722 My post was to direct people into what they perceive as "suffering" and "pain". In doing so most people like myself realize that these concepts don't exist but are just part of perception. Suffering and pain can exist within daily seemingly pleasurable activities and as we stray further into sheltered existence without any real suffering we invent it, either directly through self sabotage and hatred of ourselves or through psychopathological knee jerk reactions of pain to anything. We as humans crave "pain", and in lack of such we say that a hug is painful, that living is painful. There is a saying that if your life is going too well lately go put a rock in your shoe to have something to complain about. Pain and pleasure are just angled point of view. BDSM clearly demonstrates this in twisted sense but best way to see this is to show how someones lifestyle can be painful but to someone else they feel envy for the "pleasurable" life they feel. Death is in this sense mostly metaphorical but we will have to face it directly head on one day. Pain is best way to come close to it. When we "kill ourselves" by doing hard/painful/suffering thing, then we do something for someone else or sometging else. And not in a theatrical melodramatic "oh im dying by working my 9-5 job" sense, but doing it with a smile. Because if you do it long enough it will become "pleasueable" weirdly. My pain wasn't posting on lainchan, my pain wasn't getting snideful remarks on my post, my pain is not speaking my mind into the void of people that might or not read my words, my pain is actually to have my opinions trampled over and ignored something I had personal gripe with ever since I was a child in my family. This is form of healing for me. This is why I use big eloquent words even though I am ESL. Going through my trauma, head on. I will resolve this issue by practicing my oratory skills until people can't ignore my words or ideas. Good, hate what I wrote, at least you can't ignore it like 1000 other media posts online you saw today.

>>79722 I don't think it's that the right thing is always hard, or that the hard thing is always right. There are plenty of cases where the right thing to do is also easy. A fetish for industriousness can lead us to summarily reject "taking the easy way out" even if it's merely an easier way to get the same results without compromising anything. I think it's really just that we only talk about "the right thing" when it is hard. When it's not hard, we just do it, because there's no need to spend time agonizing about how it's the right thing to do if it doesn't cost us anything.

It seems over the past 10 years everyone online has lost their fuarrrking minds. Seems like everyone is either a sexist (both sexes against both sexes), racist, xenophobe, political zealot, sex repulsed puritan, egotistical know-it-all, or all around dumb judgmental asshole. What the fuarrrk is this soykaf? Please come back to normalcy. Internet communities used to be a place to escape to and only place i could call home and now I feel I dont belong anywhere not in this earth or this digital space. There is no where for me, I'm so lonely. There is nothing for me where I live either and I have no means to move or a place to go. There is nothing out there for me. There is nothing anywhere.

>>79673 I have been communicating with a therapist and psychiatrist for a couple months now, and I have been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and major depressive disorder. This is basically a combination of schizophrenia and a mood disorder such as depression. I agree with them so much as my condition is a disorder that it interferes with my life so I am not able to live a normal life and function normally, what is wrong with me is interfering with my ability to sleep, my ability to think, my ability to control my body too. This troubles me so much, if I could wish for anything I would wish for peace in my life again. I have been prescribed antipsychotics such as olanzapine, and this medicine does help me sleep, but it also makes me feel weak and weary. I am grateful for the medicine, but the true reason why I am afflicted by this condition is not addressed by them, they do not want to talk about it because it is strange. I cannot prove what happened to me, what I know happened to me, and what is happening to me, they think it is all in my head and I am imagining my symptoms (hence psychosis), but I know for truth that what is happening to me is really happening and I am not imagining it. I tell them I was captured by space aliens and taken with them into outer space and I stayed with them for years of my life, and I experienced flashbacks of this extraordinary life event and my remembering started in 2020. This has been ongoing for years now in 2024, and I think it will last for 4 more years and terminate when I am age 32 in 2028. While I was with them, they used their special abilities and their advanced technology to psychically connect my younger self to my future self by means of telepathy, and my younger self torments me every day of my life, I also experience recurring feelings of deja vu because of this connection. You may think I am making this up, but I am certain this is basically what really happened to me, and no one except myself truly believes my story. These words are the only things I can say, I have no material proof this happened, I have only a tall tale to tell. I thought I was living an ordinary and boring life, something of a loser who really only plays video games on his PC, but because of this I now know my life is a little strange. I hate this, because it torments me on a daily basis. I wish someone could make it stop, and I don't want to kill myself, I want to survive this. This alone is not my only trouble. I am age 28 and I am unemployed, not in school, or any kind of vocational training, a NEET. At this time in my life I think about my future and the current status of my life and I know that I am a loser for not having anything valuable in my life at this life stage. I feel anxious thinking about my future and when I will die, I feel like I should have more value in my life at this time but I don't. No job, a little money, no friends, no woman to love, no possibility of starting my own family. This weights heavy in my mind, and I feel like I should make some important life decisions at this time in my life, but I am afraid to make long term commitments for my career. I like to think about my past a lot because I know my past life was better than my life now and it gives me some comfort to think about my memories and I wish I had that life again, but I know I can never truly return to the past. What should I do?

>you can't ignore it like something or the other say what was your post about? i only remember you saying that pain is what we want and what is pleasurable, which is nonsense and contradicts the very definitions of the words. until you show me by your example that pain is pleasurable, don't say me... what did you say?

>>79734 >I'm so lonely. i'm still interested what is loneliness though, and what exactly makes you feel 'so lonely'? what is the essence of loneliness, so to say? what exactly makes you say you are lonely? no doubt it is a real feeling and gives real agony, but what exactly it is? what exactly causes loneliness to arise? what is your opinion on this? >There is nothing out there for me. There is nothing anywhere. this also begs for question what kind of anything you want? for i have experienced the very same agony under heavy stress, but when stress factors are gone, suddenly this way of thinking stops taking place. so what exactly makes you think and say, that there is nothing for you, when the whole world is around you, and people, and whatnot? what is it that you want, that you can not acquire?

>>79735 Do not forget what you have seen in the room. Do not fail.

>>79729 Perception is real to the one having the perception. Telling the general populace "pain and suffering aren't real" is as useful as telling a schizophrenic patient that the demons in their closet aren't real. It won't cure their schizophrenia and you won't accomplish anything. Pain in the most literal sense of the word, is a brain signal and unless you shut off the center for pain in your brain, denying its existence won't do you any good. >We as humans crave "pain", From what you write I gather the conclusions that this is your journal entry and your projection. This is how you see pain and this is your relationship to pain. You aren't being objective here. There are people who do, but I don't relate and I think those people have something wrong with them. I say that in the most concerned nonjudgmental way possible, if a person craves pain, they should seriously go and do some introspection or therapy. I don't get the BDSM thing either. Pain is pain and I don't like any shape or form of it. I don't understand why people are into it, and frankly I don't care to know. >There is a saying that if your life is going too well lately go put a rock in your shoe to have something to complain about I think we might come from the same part of the world, because I've heard that saying in my country but not in english-speaking communities. Anyway, they say that here as a way to not "get jinxed" by too much goodness and happiness in life. >my pain is actually to have my opinions trampled over and ignored By the looks of it, you aren't taking your advice either. You are writing on a imageboard with such specific topics where there is a huge chance you might get a response instead of being ignored. Go write this on 4chan and see where it gets you. You are looking for a way to remove your pain, not dwell in it or face it. If you were to really take your own advice, you'd seek out a group of people who really like to ignore you and you would tell them your ruminations. That's facing your pain. Because pain isn't real, right? Very hypocritical and lacking self-awareness. You are coping by denying the existence of pain, trying to rationalize it and you are trying to recruit others to do the same. Lying to yourself isn't the answer, Lain. You say to "take the hard way", but you are taking the easy way by refusing to admit to yourself certain things. You are trying to flee, ignore, rationalize and deny the problem. You are trying to trick yourself into thinking that you are doing the hard thing. That's like when people buy self-help books and watch a ton of videos on self improvement because they want to feel productive instead of actually being productive. Also I wasn't hating, merely presented some arguments in >>79713 and >>79722 which you conveniently ignored addressing (just like you hate being ignored, the irony!). Discussions are a two way street.

>I will resolve this issue by practicing my oratory skills until people can't ignore my words or ideas. Good, hate what I wrote, at least you can't ignore it like 1000 other media posts online you saw today. sounds like you're trying to control them. Do you think most people have this kind of power you seek? They don't. What you see on social media and TV is not representative of reality. Most people get ignored, actually. And it's usually those people who give their attention and their energy to influencers and movie stars and politicians. One cannot exist without the other. Bottom line is this and I hope you'll pay attention: >people won't listen to you if you can't listen to yourself

Something that's increasingly common is young dudes stressing about their looks/hair/height/IQ/genes/etc. I get it, but at the same time, it saddens me. Because in the end, we're not really in control of anything. When I was around 12 or so, I remember my mom telling a story about a guy she knew in college who became semi-successful, got married, and had a kid. One day he's backing up out of his parking lot in an SUV when hears a sound. To his horror, he backed up over his 2 year old toddler playing on the driveway. The kid died. Yeah it's negligent parenting and anyone should know better. But on the other hand, sometimes soykaf just happens. Our life quality can nosedive at any time, from no fault of our own. 99% of people who are happy right now aren't "secure" in their happiness. Maybe their stocks crash, they get laid off, their girl leaves. What then? Cancer diagnosis, what then? Nobody prepares for this, we cross our fingers and go "Cancer is something that happens to other people, it wouldn't happen to me because I'm different". Does life really mean nothing unless we have a gorgeous head of hair and a girl and a house and a new car and expendable income? Isn't that kind of insane? Our ancestors lived in mud & filth, they had meat only once a week (salted), they had cheap soup every night, they had no real entertainment. And yet... they thought it was good enough. Despite famine & disease & poverty, they just thought life was good enough to keep going, to keep having kids. Now we have all the luxuries you could ask for, and guess what? We don't even want to have kids now. We think the world is too bad. I think that says a lot

>I think that says a lot What exactly it says and how do you know how our ancestors lived?

>>79753 We know how they lived. There's tons of surviving texts & documentations. For instance even in the golden age of ancient Greece they had a plague which killed around 25% of the population, which was not a rare number so far as these epidemics go. This was just an expected part of life back then

>>79754 It's not an unexpected part of life now. Any day they may release a virus to kill all the plebs. Any day they may start a war that will devastate half the planet. Any day they may send AI go loose and turn you into obedient zombies. This meager piece of comfort provided to you by an illusion of progress already fools you into thinking that life has changed a bit. You are already a victim of a plague far worse than Black Death.

>they just thought life was good enough to keep going, to keep having kids it was decided for them by parents, extended family and village. If people started a rumor back then or didn't like you for some reason you could easily end up on the rope. The average person of the past had little say in their life because of the community-centered society. How many kids they had, who they married and what they worked was largely depended on the people around them. They had no luxury to think and choose like we do now. So stop taking the freedom you have for granted and stop whining like a spineless pleb.

>>79752 > Something that's increasingly common is young dudes stressing about their looks/hair/height/IQ/genes/etc. I get it, but at the same time, it saddens me. Because in the end, we're not really in control of anything. > Does life really mean nothing unless we have a gorgeous head of hair and a girl and a house and a new car and expendable income? Isn't that kind of insane? Our ancestors lived in mud & filth, they had meat only once a week (salted), they had cheap soup every night, they had no real entertainment. And yet... they thought it was good enough. Despite famine & disease & poverty, they just thought life was good enough to keep going If your cow dies, you have the illusion that it was your fault, that the cow could have lived had you just done better. And so you take that as a lesson and improve from it. If you can't get a date because you're under 6 feet and everyone around you is saying there was nothing you could do about it... If you can't get a date because you're under 6 feet and everyone around you has gaslit you into believing height doesn't matter, and so you just see failure after failure for you in particular with no idea why... > Now we have all the luxuries you could ask for, and guess what? We don't even want to have kids now. There is a significant chunk of the population that does not see any realistic path to successfully raising kids. This is not the same as not wanting kids. There is also a minor chunk of the population that does not want to have kids; there has always been a minor chunk of the population that did not want to have kids.

got my dream job after so much homelessness. i feel like vomiting though. all the pain i endured with other homeless people, including youth and elders... the guilt is very extreme. i got the job from the same people i considered disconnected yuppies in the back of my head too. I'll be giving away most of my salary to loved ones in need, and anyone who asks of me (sorry, this isn't open to lainons). i desperately don't want to end up like the average person living in my city, the people worst off have consistently treated me best, besides the unicorn high income earner grounded in reality. at least I'll have unlimited top shelf weed and the chance to start a library i guess

>>79752 Contraception is easier now, and as you have put yourself, we have easier access to life's pleasures other than sex. Back then, sex must have been pretty much as good as they could possibly have.

>>79752 In my experience the only way a person can internalise what you are talking about is if they have a "wake-up call". To brush up closely to the sort of unexpected tragedy you are describing and maybe even dip your toes in it for a while until it leaves you a changed person. What's even more, one tile is not enough. Every time is a big event and it changes you but the immediate effect is much more pronounced and over the years you start to forget many lessons or to twist them in your head. Then the next wake-up call comes and you repeat the action. I've had several in my life of different severity (from big problems with my career and studying to almost dying 2 or 3 times or several people who I knew independently dying in quick succession). My partner is super paranoid about what others think of her. I recently told her that people 100 years into the future would probably not care about the things she cares about and condem her for something else to demonstrate the futility of this and she said that she is feeling afraid of what those people I just made up would think. She's working with a therapist and we had a lot of talks and she is making progress but it's super slow and no amount of logic can trump her ingrained feeling of duty to please everyone and not be an obstacle. I fear that the only way she can learn is through that wake-up call and she had a few small ones but it seems that only a big one will do and it pains me that we both kinda accepted that there are really only incremental improvements and/or a big crisis that can help her get through this. No matter how many times I talked I don't think she can really understand nor can I understand her deep enough to forgo the need for personal pain and probably harming your loved ones too. The worst thing in the world to you is the worst thing that rhas happened to you personally I think. No ammount of reading and watching on the screen can penetrate that deep.

I have a terrible habit of starting new social lives every 4 years or so. I make friends easily, get along with people, make close friend circles, even meet online friends in real life most times. then suddenly, every single time, I get intensely anxious and shameful that I'll be "figured out", that they'll discover I'm not so great and deserve the time of day. so before that inevitability comes true, I ghost everyone and move to another state. I've gone through about 4 identities so far, and it's crazy to think that "steelstasis" and "kittyconvert" are completely unfamiliar names to these new people when there's such a history behind them. (not my actual aliases obv) it feels like I've lived multiple lived at this point, but those former "me" are dead and gone, without even a funeral. I feel bad about it if course, but my mind says it would have hurt them more to have such around and be a miserable disappointment. let's make it a quick and sudden loss, rather than drag this funeral out for decades. oh, guess I should say, I have no family either. it makes this nomadic social life easier to achieve.

>>79789 pretty much what I do, but not every 4 years, but on a whim

>>79789 >that they'll discover I'm not so great and deserve the time of day I can't understand such thought process. Are they(which you abandoned) not people as well, with their own flaws and scars and deficiency? Is there's a chance they already knew *who are you* under the mask, but they simply accepted these "flaws"(which might seem a way different for them, because of perspective and different lives)? May be you a murderer %%Imagining doesn't count, as I think everybody has two-digit imaginary-kills counter%%? Have you committed sexual or general assault? If you've done some from above, do you repent for this? Or do you perhaps think manipulating certain people is a good thing to do? That's what I call "not so great". Everything else is humane enough to be neglected in a grand scheme. You want to appear a better person then you actually are? ***Such a crime, bo-o-o!*** I don't get it! Such people often screaming about wanting to be free, but usually ends up in their world of delusions, where everyone is their enemy, including themselves.

>>79799 Is not the lainon human as well? Did not the lainon live a different life as well? As such you have to accept the lainon, by your own logic, and not reproach the lainon for being not understandable to you. I too, do not understand why the lainon thinks the habit terrible. I do not understand why the lainon thinks the former selves dead and gone. Maybe the lainon is running from own shadow? In this case the lainon is wretched. Maybe the lainon does not want to be a disappointment? Then the lainon is blessed and should keep exerting all of efforts to become a better lainon. Maybe the lainon is just rambling in a fleeting fit of weakness? Maybe the lainon even does not understand? Or think that does, but does not. Or just does not tell? Nobody will ever know the lainon. Nobody will ever understand the lainon. You may keep claiming as much as you want anything you want. You may give any advice imaginable. You may break a hundred sweats in a pompous speech about how you relate to the lainon. But the lainon will forever remain on the other side. And you will never know what transpires in the soul of the lainon. You will never know what torment makes the lainon to reset the tor identity.

>>79805 There is something to be said about the universality of the human condition and the Zeitgeist of the generation that allows for much deeper penetration from an outsider living a parallel life on the other side of the world and the wired that you would expect. I know I felt it from people and people said that I did it for them a few times. Then again perhaps the brain adapts and retcons everything with it's frontal lobe furiously finding strong connections where there are only slight coincidences. But if it feels profound and helps you feel not alone and have a better perspective, is it really bad if it's just an illusion or a lucky guess?

>>79789 I did a disappearing act once, I just cut off contact with everybody. Only recently, after maybe 7 or 8 years, I've been getting back in contact with some of these friends. I joined facebook in order to do that (call the cops idgaf), but I feel like a stranger there, even though I only have the handful of people that I really liked. I feel like at some point in my life I made friends by accident and now I just remembered about them. I keep no friends from childhood, or even my teen years. I don't feel comfortable with people.

I oftentimes can't be bothered to attend the course I signed up for. I don't want to drop out because doing so would make it the third (or maybe fourth) time I've done so and I want to be able to say I completed something in my life. However, the course is so tedious and frustrating that, had I known it was going to be this way, I never would've signed up in the first place.

>>79809 >But if it feels profound and helps you feel not alone and have a better perspective, is it really bad if it's just an illusion or a lucky guess? Explain yourself. Where did I speak of feeling alone, of perspectives or bad or good or luck or unluck? What are you trying to say? >>79813 That is what happens when you yield to compulsion instead of considering what will follow from a decision. Nasty thing. Very nasty. I hate it when I let it happen to myself.

Cut my hair myself tonight. Soon I think I'll begin buzzing it. Despite living in the city, I want to adopt a monk life, just let everything go. I've gone through so much crap that I'm not even really attached anymore, I just expect it all to go bad in the end. Maybe this is how I reach the next phase of life

>>79815 What exactly do you want to achieve by becoming a monk? What changes do you expect to happen? What do you expect to induce the changes in you, if any?

>>79805 >As such you have to accept the lainon, by your own logic, and not reproach the lainon for being not understandable to you. That's kind of complicated, as I might tell myself about wanting "to help", to step over the struggle into new Life etc, but the truth might be a bit more selfish and include needy nature, fear of being alone, unknown what went wrong. Utterly helplessness. I wonder if it would be easier if lainon disliked me, instead of fearing for his own image. But I get your point, and I actually was thinking something similar tonight - about accepting this. I just wish for everyone to be happy. Right?

>>79817 Ahem, sorry, I did not know it's personal between you two.

To think of it, it is funny even, one lainon writes about suddenly cutting all contacts and this very moment another lainon jumps in and rambles about some lainon cutting all contacts with him. And all of this on lainchan. Can you imagine...

>>79819 You'd be surprised how many such coincidences I've witnessed. >>79818 Though it is personal, but what are you apologizing for? Even with "personal" affairs, your argument is still pretty valid. >>79815 I doubt you need to cut you hair to become a monk. "Monks are bold, so I need to"? I'm not sure how stupid this advice is, but try to go out and start to sweep a dust. Try to silent your inner voice, but if you struggle with that, at least try to separate your "self" from this voice.

>>79820 >what are you apologizing for? It is personal between them. My words were not invited. >your argument is still pretty valid Valid in what? My argument is that the rambling lainon says contradictory things, nothing more.

>>79674 wow is it called ocd? i thought it is something autism related. i don't know of rumination but i often catch random thoughts that feel like a problem and then spend 72 hours without sleep solving that problem. and then either the complexity escalates so that i am unable to keep "solving" and give up and get miserable, or i actually come up with a "solution" only to week later realize that the problem did not exist in the first place after all. funny how every time i think it's the last time. yeah this soykaf is like kicking dead whales down the beach. i wish i could channel all this insane amount of idle energy into actually improving my welfare.

i fuarrrking hate industrial society

>>79826 Which of them are autistic? The ill fitting puzzle piece or the autism symbol? Or are they both autistic in their own definitions of the word? But thing is, it's not industrial society even if high population density does magnify the social pressure and benefits the psychopaths. The human species in general requiring some level of group cohesion. The alternative is to be a lone hunter gatherer and there's still some places left where you can try and be that. Btw. not meant as an attack but because I'm trying to figure this question out myself. I suppose that's my vent.

>>79825 not that lain but I don't think that those ruminations are exactly intrusive thoughts though. Intrusive thoughts don't present as a "problem" to be solved, they just happen out of nowhere (or after a trigger) and torment you and the more you try to push them away the stronger they become. Intrusive thoughts make you miserable in guilt/shame sort of way. Ruminations on the other hand feel like something you can't let go of until it's solved even though it's not a real problem. I have both so I've seen the distinction.

>>79830 >Rumination is the focused attention on the symptoms of one's mental distress, and on its possible causes and consequences, as opposed to its solutions, according to the Response Styles Theory proposed by Nolen-Hoeksema in 1998. Where does your definition of rumination come from? My "compulsions" are not about my mental health, I just see a random thing in my computer/room/wherever that somehow irritates me and then waste myself "solving" it even when it's clearly not necessary or even harmful in a way.

>>79830 rumination: "I need to find the perfect way to make the bed" then you proceed to overthink it to abnormal level. intrusive thought: "I can put my hand on that burning stove." No, why, wth? "But I can put my hand of that stove" No, why.. It goes on. these are generic simplified examples, but that's the gist.

>>79814 >But the lainon will forever remain on the other side. And you will never know what transpires in the soul of the lainon. You will never know what torment makes the lainon to reset the tor identity. >Explain yoursel I would prefer not to

>>79810 AuPDA? >>79834 You must not have finished that story. Not living is death

>>79836 That is precisely not the case. Not living can be the result of death but it can also be undeath.

when you look at your life and realise youre heading for suicide, so you waste $1000s on pyschologists and meds. its all asinine bs. i now feel like im in a worse place now. the official 'help' is clearly a scam for normal people . drugs dont work. im too old to believe things will get better. time to memorise train timetables. sum ppl are too fuarrrked to be a werker drone. this is literally a designed hell

>>79847 maybe just get busy. if you have 1000s of dollars to give to charity then you might as well take up idk carpentry or home brewing or something. maybe both. get too busy to be depressed.

>>79850 unironically the only advice that has worked for me. But as I understood 79847 lainon is unable to work.

Time is running so fast I wonder why you folks bother with suicide. You won't be bored waiting when you get in the coffin.

One of my friends is always confiding in me I think because her boyfriend doesn't provide enough emotional support or something. I've never been in a relationship so I'm not sure, but she always comes to me when she's feeling sad and lonely even though her boyfriend is with her all the time. We've already had this relationship before she started dating him but I'm still not sure if this is normal, don't people usually go to their partners when they need comfort? I don't want to tell her to go to her bf because I think she can't for some reason and I don't want her to hurt herself from being lonely and sad (I know she might actually do that). She doesn't only talk to me when she's sad btw, we have a normal friendship outside of that, most of our conversations are just normal friend stuff.

stop assuming that because i look young, and am younger than most of my peers, that I need to be spoken to like a child. I'm the one who's a self taught engineer and scientist, not any of you. I'm the one on a level of maturity comparable to late millennial americans, not you. stop assuming soykaf about me, and become certain in yourself user. i love my waifu kurisu, you keep me sane on my research endeavors..

>>79870 At a certain point you need someone else to confide in. Otherwise the relationship gets too suffocating even if you love each other to death. >>79872 > I'm the one who's a self taught engineer and scientist, not any of you. I'm a university taught scientist. Whatcha working on, kid? Maybe try growing a beard or a moustache, that helps.

>>79873 i don't look like that but i do that

yeah we couldn't guess but after all it is

>>79876 What do you look like?

>>79873 >kid smh Anyways lol, it's mostly revolving around Nix research for mobile devices running mainline linux

>>79673 Venting doesn't work , it makes things worse It literally feeds negative thought loops

>>79892 Don't tell me how I feel. >>79881 I'm just kidding. Having a youthful appearance and being the youngest in the room full of people I had to show respect to used to be the norm for me. I still instinctively use the formal respectful language sometimes with people who are ok with me speaking plainly. Anyway, about Nix on mobile Sounds interesting. What led you to pick it up? Is it general curiosity or are you trying to achieve something specific? >>79876 I know girls that live like that and could pull off a miku cosplay. Unfortunately the beauty in the mirror is often not helping the person inhabiting the body. They don't see it themselves or are worried that it will go away soon. Not to get too explicit but in my experience the extremely good packaging is a symptom of a lacking inside when you get intimate. And not just sex, just general coldness instead of a nice comfy atmosphere.

>>79898 A friend asked me to join their company and I needed money so I joined as a researcher/developer. I'd gladly send a draft of the paper I'm writing on Mobile NixOS, but I'm anxious a co-worker lurks here and I'd be embarassed to be known as the @channler When people irl hear the news, it usually results in thinking I'm an: - inexperienced child who got lucky and needs saving - selfish asshole with too much privilege I just like teaching and learning at the end of the day, but I can't even do that without feeling guilty. Even people in the same field as me have acted disdainful. Be careful what you wish for, something something. It at least seems like I'll be on track to getting a phd without any degrees, and it seems like my life is set before I can even drink despite having so many odds against me :3 Yeah nigga I'm flexing, I have no one to tell my accomplishments to so I'll do it anonymously AND fulfill the expectations of my fake colleagues :) Thanks for asking though, it was nice to get this out lol. Were you also placed in a similar situation to mine?

>>79892 This is correct. Not venting is very painful however, so don't expect to just get rid of the habit.

>>79900 Bragging is normal when you're 20 so don't apologise. It usually becomes less of an impulse as you age. I'm 26 now and even though some part of me is instinctively doing it I'm generally not interested in what other people think of me exept for like 5 people who are VIP. Someone mentioned it in the last thread but I recommend a book called Outliers. The gist is that performance-wise people who are naturally gifted from an early age tend to level out with their peers by the early 20s. That can be pretty devastating when you grew up as the youngest and at the same times the most academically gifted in the group. Of course that head start can be super beneficial in practical terms of having more accomplishments and connections For example, I've read that there is a hypothesis suggesting that due to the way puberty works girls are actually a bit faster in developing intellectually and at a certain point the boys are behind them by like one year. This is described as one of the main reasons why women very quickly became much more accomplished academically when the playing field was leveled. Other stuff like less reckless behaviour and gender norms are without a doubt also at play. >Were you also placed in a similar situation to mine? I've started school one year early and so I was always the shortest boy that was a bit behind on the whole puberty and social development stage. I was lucky in the way that the cool guys seemed to enjoy my company and so I was only bullied by some girls. I didn't get straight As but that was because at some point I just stopped doing homework and started reading and researching the stuff I liked. I still managed high marks and after putting a big effort into exams I got into the most prestigious university in my part of the country. Considering my humble background it was a big achievement and I was only 17 when I enrolled. The reality became clear fast in the first semester. I was probably the youngest again and not the worst, but I definitely met the most ammount of extraordinary people in a lot of ways among the faculty and the student body. That really shook me and many others who thought they were hot soykaf in their provincial schools. I've seriously struggled with my exams and if not for the few bright spots (I've met cool people, joined a wacky sports team and so on). I can go on and on about those days but I think that's not what you asked about. I still wanted to be quick about my career so I've joined the lab as soon as they let me which was much sooner than most. Long story short, I've burned out and couldn't graduate so I got a job and finished the courses I had left the next year. That gap I've had all my life disappeared that way. Then a lot of other stuff happened. Got into a serious relationship, dropped my master's, changed a few jobs in and out of my field, changed apartments, got in fights and made peace wirt my family. The usual. Right now I'm working in a relatively interesting startup. Most of the things I do have nothing to do with my education but that's mostly because the way they planned to use me when they hired me didn't work out so I'm temporarily doing all sorts of stuff and learning new things that way. I'm not even the youngest person on the team and the youngest earns like 50% more than me because he is in marketing and logistics while he studies in some Community college. Then again he is a son of a friend of the CEO so it's understandable. He does the job fine so I have no complaints. Sorry for the tangent. It is a /vent/ thread after all. Hope it answered your question.

>Out liars Very insightful recommendation indeed. More so because you can only learn success from the successful.

Why am I chronically horny. Worst part is I don't even like sex that much. Even worst part is I have a partner and I keep lusting for younger people. I don't even watch porn, the few times I do it's just to have something to get off quickly because I am so perpetually horny. I lust for younger people I see in the street and at the same time I am socially inept beyond hope. I do not know how to approach people, whenever I do it's awkward as fuarrrk, and even if I did I have realized that I have zero sex appeal. In fact, I think I have negative sex appeal, I mean it, hardly has anyone ever acceeded to have sex with me, not even my partner likes to do it but only very occassionally. Same with all the people whom I've hit for the past 20 years or so. I've had a handful of sexual experiences in the past despite having tried to get gf for most of my 20s. I'm not even complaining that people don't like me sexually, but that I have a sex drive that's ever intrusive and doesn't leave me alone. Even if I jerk off sometimes the horny doesn't go away and comes back stronger. If I stop jerking off for some time I always end up relapsing and doing it more. Whenever I go out to the street I cannot help, even though I do try, to keep myself from getting aroused by the sight of young meat, even though they are completely out of my reach by virtue of age and being socially colorblind.

>>80035 >completely out of my reach by virtue of age and being socially colorblind. Evolution functions largely on rape so that it doesnt care about that

>>80035 >Why am I chronically horny. the key is not to ignore the horni, is to replace it with something better. learn a craft, get very invested in a nice hobby, try new things, and get out of your comfort zone and your lizard brain will eventually understand that doing literally anything is better than being horni all the time

I split things off with my girlfriend of almost four years a few months ago. Her birthday is today. Same day as lainchans birthday. God I miss her. I saved up some money so i'm gonna try and go live in japan. I've been applying to programming jobs but i might have to teach at an eki to get a visa. All I know is I feel trapped here.

>>79870 she is trauma dumping on you and has no feelings for you. tell her to go see a therapist.

>>80035 >Why am I chronically horny. A chronically high stress level will increase the "need to breed before I die" sort of program. If you want to help it, reduce the stress level with clean sources of sugar like fruits. Increase serum CO2 by means of mineral water. If you're chronically stressed, you may know that the program works when your body temperature temporarily decreases, as the stress hormone level is reduced and as such energy production is temporarily slowed as it shifts to aerobic metabolism.

>>80048 >>80076 Thank you , cool. No I am not stressed, but I do intend to reduce caffeine and sugar intake, it may not be the cause, but it's probably a factor.

>>80076 >A chronically high stress level will increase the "need to breed before I die" sort of program. are you retarded chronically high stress level turns you into a fuarrrking potato and if the stress is especially severe i am ready to bet you will end up completely fuarrrked and dysfunctional in a few years

>>79892 You're right. However, in my case, I either vent about my issues on the internet or I start screaming at the top of my lungs every day before eventually committing murder-suicide. Considering the fact I'm still here, you can guess which choice I made.

>>80084 I am inclined to think venting is better than locking up brewing your own suicide. However, in my experience, the venting is not reliable. Today it helps, tomorrow it devastates. So I am still to not sure which I choose. Venting seems very appealing considering I even have a willing INBOX (it is rare as fuarrrk, I assure you), but lately it's been giving me so much anguish I began to think I bother for naught. I do not know what's my problem though. I don't feel good about suicide as well, because it is like burning your house because you haven't figured out how to dust. I don't know. I'm very confused. Yeah tfw "why did I write this post at all??"

Every time I get reminded that internet is dying and places with good people are increasingly more rare I feel terrible. But I somehow understand that I shouldn't. World was always going its way it is never bad. It is just that it seems bad. But it isn't. Why the fuarrrk I feel so fuarrrked is beyond me.

I thought something was loading but it was just a fly walking across my screen!

You know, if you turned full Buddha and cut your internet wire, you'd be much healthier than you are in this soundproof chamber that's imageboards where you vainly scream at pictures of other human beings that are not even alive to end up never getting them to hear what you want. I suspected I will end up like this, and however unpleasant, and however unbecoming, however paltry, I inevitably return to the thought that suicide is the only solution for the problem and I do not even want it, because too scary. I just can't imagine how I could possibly get back on track on which I have never been. Guess after all I have nothing else to do than to obediently wait till somebody normal people me up into reality. That's my only hope really. I am completely incapable of helping myself and realization of this has been the most devastating even in my life ever. I have not ever valued anything more than my mind and my reason, I have always considered them to the best of what I have and cared for them most. Rather, I thought I cared. In fuarrrkt I was rather just doing the normal person thing from a bit different angle. But still I lived under the illusion that my mind is my most valuable possession and that there's nothing that can shake it. Whatever happens to me, I have always thought my mind secure. But no, it fuarrrking isn't. I am just too fuarrrking dump and incapable. At this point you can't expect me not to give up, since every single thing I have ever had, both external and internal, has failed me at some point. Or I failed them. I do not care. The fuarrrkt is, I failed this, and until somebody normal people me up, I do not intend to do anything expect brag, whine and plod along with whatever the fuarrrk comes my way.

>>80100 sounds like you gotta find some hope in something. if you wanna be like a buddhist try working on your concentration through vipassana meditation or something. realize that you're here on imageboards for a reason though. You havent found other things to endeavor over. If you were cooking food or learning a language or working or something you wouldnt be here all the time.

>>80104 Yeah work is inevitable. Idk how much of a solution it is to become a wagie, but I have no choice at this point. I have no energy to care about anything but being a wagie, even though I see people coming from worse backgrounds and still managing to ascend through social hierarchy to the middle somehow. Maybe I'll change when I get to work, but so far I see that people, who manage to achieve something have a goal and toil meaningfully, while I just alternate between saving up for a rope or for something quicker

And I'm not here all the time. In fuarrrkt, I try to spend as little time here as possible. That works to some degree, but apparently I can't leave completely, because I need a posting form to digest my woes for some reason. I wish I didn't survive, but guess that's blasphemy and I shouldn't think like that.

Huuuh if this happens, I'm done for good. This life wasn't particularly enjoyable, so I'd be immensely thankful if this ends quickly.

Yeah I guess this qualifies as "brutally over".

Why do I want to have a relationship in my head, but as soon as someone starts expressing interest towards me, I feel violently ill and repulsed? Why do I never get attracted to anyone? My standards are not high. Then, there's the thing where I am afraid of becoming a normalf_a_g. The reason why is that I think even if I were to do the deed, I would not feel any different in my alienation. The only difference is that I would become alienated from myself. I anticipate that it would leave me in limbo - neither in the normalf_a_g's world, nor my own world. Also, I would feel as if I had betrayed myself - I had let myself become defiled - impure, dirtied. I swore myself to celibacy many years ago, and I told myself that I would not yield to these desires. The third reason is that I know that if I were to cease to KHHV, then I would become a normalf_a_g, and there would be no return. Although I experience a desire to become a normalf_a_g, occassionally, the other part of me says that I am incompatible with their world. I do not want to have to use social media where I am spied on by greedy corps and reduced to no more than a data point to be bought and sold to the highest bidders. My values are incompatible with theirs, and I want to be no part of it. I am not okay with how they operate, and I do not want to involve myself in it. I hate the drama. I hate the back-stabbing. I hate the small social behaviors that they do. Therefore, I do not want to become like that. It's considerably painful. I even feel out of place here on lainchan, hearing all of these lainons describe their relationships. Anyway, that's all I have to say for now.

>>80142 >I do not want to have to use social media where I am spied on by greedy corps >I hate the back-stabbing. >I hate the small social behaviors that they do That's only natural. But there's another side: relationship might be whatever you want them to be. I'm not sure about KHHV-thing. I simply don't view that as a bad thing. Sure, regretting being stained, impure and dirty comes sometimes, but... Seems for me like a prison created by yourself.

>>80142 What a Lain! Continue your way and do not let things you abominate deal you pain! You shall retain! We believe in your strength!

>relationship might be whatever you want them to be. What do you mean by that? >I simply don't view that as a bad thing. Why? >Seems for me like a prison created by yourself. Why is it a prison?

>>79979 Thanks for the inspiring post and book recommendation. It helped me feel a sense of direction with how edge case my cicumstances feel.

>>80142 nice article lain. I saw my own thoughts while reading. Reading things like this makes me feel like I'm not alone, thank you.

Replying to a post from the previous vent thread: >>79556 > There's no such thing as "social skills". > What's the secret to conversation? Being interested in the same braindead things as everyone else. > If you're socially unsuccessful, chances are you are simply not willing to play the game of pretend that everyone else has been playing since birth I consider connecting with another human being to be a social skill. This can involve: - learning about what kind of person they are, and their beliefs/convictions about the world. Learning something new from this information - sharing a little bit of yourself with another human being, without being a jerk. Giving your point of view and thoughts/opinions I encourage you to try it because it is very fun. I really like one-on-one conversations for this reason.

>I consider connecting with another human being to be a social skill. Because it is. If you have anxiety that does not allow you to utter a sentence it's over for you. Especially considering that there is absolutely nothing about talking to most other people. That's just it, an array of words. Isolation intoxicates you badly and you start to think that talking is something scary, when in fact it is absurdly mundane, trivial and boring. Whoever has anxiety in here, if you really want to learn talking to others – be at ease, there are absolutely to requirements as long as your language is distinguishable and there are no circumstances under which you will fail unless you image yourself to fail. But let me tell you something, whatever you hear from them, whatever they say to you, you always win. That's the whole point. Unless you are a professional whose earning depend on being able to negotiate, it is impossible to loose a conversation. It is always a win, by definition. It is absurd how isolation makes you think opposite. And it is even more absurd how ridiculously hard it is to overcome social anxiety.

>>80152 substantial relationships that have any actual meaning contain in themselves more hatred and more love, the ability to manage that (how you react to the person going insane, so to speak) is entirely what defines the relationship

Such a pity, such a pity. But sometimes fate has it the other way around. Funny how your fret over something that's been normal everyday life just about 300 years ago. The strongest technology ever has brought about the most miserable and non-adaptable generation ever.

>>80154 Wow this soykaf really got me shaking. It's been a while since I was so out of my wits as now. Guess getting to sleep's gonna take a good deal of willpower. Actually, I'm being ridiculous sniveling like this it's just that I wasn't really prepared for soykaf like this. That's such a perfect timing to put my soykaf together and show them what being formidable really means but just wishful thinking. You don't just show formidability after sniveling for what feels like years. Well whatever. That's officially™ over, unless God himself descends and helps me out, which isn't happening, so I guess I just digest it slowly and learn to not care.

>anxiety that does not allow you to utter a sentence At least you have a sentence that you want to utter. I don't have social anxiety (I have all the other kinds of anxieties though so I'm not really spared) but I literally have nothing to say to most people. I have no interest and it's hard to fake interest and sometimes it seems that's required in certain social settings. I've finally learned the small talk thing (I can attest this is a skill that can be learned) but after that it's tiresome to get invested in a >90% of conversations people have, whether they are mindless chatter (which they usually are) or even if they are something of substance. It's nobody's fault, just how things are for some of us.

That feel when you are on the verge of another huge breakdown and you know you can't do anything about it, even while you want.

>>80156 >but I literally have nothing to say to most people. That's actually only an illusion, if you're fortunate enough to find somebody ready to listen to whatever you say, you'll quickly enough end up telling pretty much everything. Only problem there seems to be no more such places on internet, and even if they are, I do have the bares idea as to how to get into them.

You can have as many thoughts as you wish. They are never filling the hole. You want have as many mindfulness as you wish. It is never filling the hole. You can have as many substance as you wish. It is never filling the hole. What fills the hole? Death, by virtue of rendering the hole nonexistent. It doesn't matter how much you turn it around. It doesn't matter what looking glasses you wear. The day comes, and everything shatters down to the baseline. And then you look around... What do you see? Death, sweet death.

>>80156 > most people The fact that you felt the need to add this qualifier makes me suspect that you actually do have something to say, but you expect that most people won't care or look down at you for it. I encourage you to make a genuine effort to share something you are passionate about. I think these beliefs are unfounded. Really, people like it when someone is passionate about a topic, and the feeling that everyone expects you to "fit in" and fit some kind of mould just stems from a collective unwillingness to open up to each other, so we default to the generic "people-pleasing" behaviour, and hide our true selves.

>>80187 > encourage you to make a genuine effort to share something you are passionate about. Where and with whom?

>>80188 With people who are also willing to connect. I personally like to talk to people one on one.

>>80189 Shew me a place where I can find such people.

>>80181 >Death, by virtue of rendering the hole nonexistent I think the same. I'm just afraid that death isn't the end and I'll have to reincarnate or something and do it all over again. It's not a bad life per se, I've been happy, but I'm tired on a deep spiritual level. Must be so easy and nice to be a hardcore atheist and believe that when you die, you die and it really is the end. >>80175 >>80187 thank you both for replying to my post. >you actually do have something to say, but you expect that most people won't care I used to, in the past. I was too enthusiastic for people to handle I think. Now I just really don't care. I'm burnt out socially and emotionally.

I am not going to debate further with you both, but I can just say that it has been very fun to do since I discovered it recently. I hope you all also have fun.

>>80193 >Must be so easy and nice to be a hardcore atheist and believe that when you die, you die and it really is the end. You only think so because you have been happy. I personally think I wouldn't mind being reincarnated in somebody more fit to live the life I wish to live. I also wish to live it in a better place, and better circumstances. You know, lotta wishes, but nope. You'd think you just get yourself accommodated to whatever soykaf you've been dragged into, but sometimes I just want to have it differently. I do not want to have it easier, no. I want to have myself stronger. Yeah a bit of a tangent, but this life is boring as fuarrrk and my days are filled with anxiety and misery, nothing else. That's just stupid.

How can you realistically expect me to stop dooming when every single unwelcome thing I think about ends up happening in a matter of months-years? And it happens to me. You know, when people were bragging to me that "thoughts are material and whatever you think about happens", I was furiously resistant to such notion of things. Now I just look at my screen and be like, well, how the fuarrrk? I imagine there is a certain bias, that I do not remember things of which I thought that has not happened, but it is still uncanny how you just roughly recon, that something is going to take a certain route after a certain amount of time, and it happens. And you tell me to stop dooming. How can I, if doom seems to be my essence?

>french lesbian high society dining date

5 billion people are using internet and here you are, on lainchan, where there are probably not more than 30 unique posters total. Crazy to think of it.

Tried working on a visual novel and it's soykaf. I see all my peers doing projects with each other but I never have anyone to work with. I have to do everything myself and it is like kicking dead whales down the beach. I work hard, but it doesn't matter. Most other people have assistance. It's like I have to put in 4 times the effort and get 4 times less results than everyone else.

>>80244 what are ye working on it better not be some scullywaggery

For my part I always enjoy doing things by myself, because I hate doing the consistency thing with others. I have a way of organizing things such that others don't follow and fuarrrk everything up, which drives me crazy. What I don't like is that there is no output to anything I do, and no one to discuss it with.

boss keeps buying me gear i request with the company card. yeah, that's normal. but it's very fancy gear when i specify needing the minimum. i need a simple usb dock with a few ports, not the enterprise one with rgb and fans. makes me feel like there's an attempt to wrap me into codependency. she's very wealthy and is friends with even wealthier people along with owning the firm i work for. maybe its a token of appreciation, or disconnect from my humble origins, but my friends have been hurt this way before

>>80243 Here I am in the groupchat everyone left so it's just me There's 1 unique poster. Crazy to think of it

I just wish everyone could get along. I'm so tired of people fighting and being mean to each other. Everyone is always so angry about something.

I am exhausted with the corporate world. As a child i was very much neglected by my parents and sexually abused by a person around them, which went unnoticed due to said neglect. I am very much over my childhood issues but i mention that to illustrate why and how i left home as soon as possible and did everything in my power to make as much money as i could and be as financially safe as i could. Now I'm 30, last year i paid the last of any debt i had and started investing 60% of my relatively large salary every month. In 10 years i should be able to retire, probably less due to promotions and bonuses. Problem is I'm really fuarrrking tired. I know, boo fuarrrking hoo, stable career and retirement at 40 is more than i could ever imagine for myself, but at the same time i am exhausted of dealing with what i can only describe as non humans; not because they lack some skill or adhere to a different belief than mine, but simply because the corporate environment does not allow for truth and honesty and that drains me. People who clearly lied in their resumes and interviews and do not have the skill to back it up and therefore live in this perpetual sense of dread and there is no helping hand i could even lend them without making them feel unsafe because nobody would lend a helping hand in an environment like that, there is no opening for me to tell them it's ok to learn on the job without it feeling like a trap. People who actually know their soykaf, but once they got into a position of power became enamored with the idea of being in charge and the status it conveys. People who draw their social interactions from work and only work, and their entire friend group works at the company and their entire identity is shaped and warped and brutalized by the corporate environment. They are not humans and it is extremely sad and depressing, people who could be passionately pursuing their interests, instead curbing their will to live around the need to pay rent, becoming caricatures and misrepresentations of themselves so they can just survive. I deeply hate them and being around them makes me ill and i recognize that some of them might feel like i feel but due to the corporate structure i will never know about them and their interests and we will always have this barrier between us. I neglect my relationship because i am either working or resting from work, i do not have the patience to make new friends not because i don't have time but i don't have the mental bandwidth. I fear my relationship is making both of us unhappy, they need me because I'm a reliable presence in their lives, financially and emotionally, but i don't need them, most of the time i just want to be alone and have more and more time for myself so i can rest and finally feel alive for a second, and they notice it, and the fact that they notice it makes me extremely sad, but due to financial circumstances i can't just end the relationship, i don't want them to struggle like i did. I just want time for myself. I miss being bored, i like having responsibilities but i miss having the mental bandwidth to research about random soykaf or watch a movie I've never heard anything about, one of my favorite books (a visit from the goon squad) i picked up from the way back to work when i was a teenager, i just went into a store and picked up a new book. This is unimaginable today. I hate having my leisure fine tuned to provide me with as much relaxation as possible because new experiences require a certain stamina that i just don't have anymore. I just feel sad when i read books nowadays, especially when they're really good. I miss meaningful connections, i miss doing things because they fill me with joy instead of because they are necessary. Even this post is a tool, a means to stop myself from taking a break, a vent so i can relieve pressure and go back to bed so i can work tomorrow morning. I'm just so goddamn tired.

I guess I simply don't want to live. Not that I am suicidal, but almost everything life has to offer is not of my interest, or at least nothing arises any passion within my heart. Everything is tiring to me: trying to deal with people, pursuing a career, finding something to entertain my mind, etc.. I don't understand and I don't want to understand anyone, every career option given to me by society seems stupid and every book, movie or show is incredibly boring. Keeping myself alive and going forward is a dreadful activity and every action I take feels like self deception. I often go on walks to places I've been before, as if trying to recover the pieces of a puzzle that I don't quite know how to solve. Maybe it's because I don't relate to a whole lot of people, but I feel the need to distance myself from others at the same time that I feel alone and in need of someone else. Sometimes I also get a sensation that common everyday events and the world itself are getting "weird". Everyday feels like late sunday afternoon in december 30 2012.

Please DO NOT be an actual loner in college. I graduated recently and barely connected or talked to anyone until the last month of the final semester after I realized I wanted something from it. I've pretty much become a failed normal user and my presence from the college was erased. I came into the college thinking that I was above it, but it took me a long time to realize that after that was done my life was going static and that the "spring of my youth" ended without me doing anything about it. I didn't realize that having an audience, peers and all the refreshing youth surrounding me would end with a whimper and the chances I should've taken to grow as a man are dead and gone. Now I eat to survive and listen to conversations other people have, silently wishing that I could have something deeper with certain people that don't exist anymore. I have my old friends from before college, but they've run their course. I still talk and do stuff with them and probably will for a long while, but I can't start my life with them. We all know that if you're not going into academia college classes and programmes are largely bullshit, but that means if you're not socializing then you are literally wasting your money by going there. If you're not a normal user, try being one. Sorry for the long pro-normal user rant. Every few months I get a huge pang of regret and I'm trying to do something about it. I don't even know where to go with this.

really want to disappear from modern society. living in a city is killing me, the suburbs killed me, the middle of nowhere killed me. thinking about gaining dual citizenship via birthright to a poor island nation and moving into a small village. i hate technology, i hate software, i hate money. my passion for software is practically dead because of how far things have strayed from practicality. i will not be able to live a fulfilling life with all these useless frills and abstractions, and i will die full of regret if i don't change

>>80313 >my passion for software is practically dead because of how far things have strayed from practicality What do you mean?

>>80315 It's not profitable to write good, simple, functional code, and hasn't been for decades. > Computing pioneer Alan Kay tells us that a computer is "an instrument whose music is ideas." This seems like a beautiful metaphor, until you realize that we have somehow ended up in a world where the profession of musician is nearly unknown.

>>80307 For a moment I thought I wrote this post earlier and forgot I did. In my case, my disinterest in life turned out to not really be disinterest, instead I have one thing I really want and I had decided I could not get it. Maybe it's the same for you? Are there any dreams or aspirations that you've squashed down because they don't seem possible?

>>80311 I'm just about to go into my final year, and I've just realised the same thing. If I finish school without making any new friends, I'll probably have nothing for the rest of my life. I just wish it was easier...

>>80320 Hey, at least you have an entire year. I found a girl who was perfect a WEEK before we both graduated and never interacted again. I tried approaching her and offered to do something fun but I felt stupid trying so super late. You're in a good position anon. You realized your mistake and have a good amount of time to remedy it. It'll take work but you can do it :)

>>80318 >It's not profitable to write good, simple, functional code, and hasn't been for decades. I mean, yeah, but that's just how work has been since the industrial revolution. As someone who like you loves software, i just abstract work away. It's work, something necessary to survive. If people paid me the same amount but asked me to answer phone calls, i would happily do it. I do not consider the software i have to make at work as part of my identity any more than a hooker considers a client part of their social circle. Good software is written on my free time, for me. It's something that makes me fulfilled, they don't get to own or be in any way involved in that, it's mine. I'm not trying to preach to you or anything, just giving my perspective that yes, things are bleak, but trying to attach your work necessary to survive to your identity will make it a lot worse. It's better for everyone involved if you don't.

>>80323 so you're a whore for a software company?

>>80324 Yes. If i was a shoemaker, i would be a whore for a shoemaker company because that is what required of me to survive. Mixing your personal identity with your work identity is a sure way to be miserable about who you are.

lads i'm doing better and better! some things can bring me down, yes, but looking back, man, i've gone through all kinds of soykaf and am still fuarrrking here. more and more i come to the realization that i am kinda solidly put together. yes, sometimes stupid stuff happens to me and for the silliest of things i feel like killing myself, but it always ends up getting out of my head and i always bounce back. word of advice: mind the low vibrations / high vibrations knowledge. you attract what's on your mind, and all the lower-realm crap that has to do with physicality, materiality, flesh, might just not make you happy. think about it, everything like porn, gluttony, violence, strange fetishes, trash politics, it stinks of bad energy. browse 4chan for like 10 seconds and it just smacks you in the face! ALSO, this bad energy attracts dark entities, like prisons are full of it. and the sleep paralysis bitchboys often show up where there's stress, anxiety, etc. they love it, they feed off it, and might just end up farming you! be careful of that, and question where this bad inner voice comes from if you got one in you. often it's not coming from you and you gotta chuck it out. so, i've been doing better and better because i've been mindful of that. be clean, in body, mind, soul. just like some buddy said, you got a tiger in the dark and a tiger in the light, which one survives? the tiger in the light? nah mate, it's the one you feed. so don't feed your dark soykaf that goes on in your head. it doesn't mean be oblivious, just know it feels better to laugh than to cry. happiness to you, you dumbasses, may you bite the positive side out of the challenges that assail you and overcome them with ease. ask questions if you have them bro i might answer a quick wololo for the flood discard abusive

>>80319 I used to have a couple of things I wanted to do as a child, but as you said, they are not in the realm of possibility anymore. Besides, the way I perceive the world changed since then, so a lot of things are not as appealing anymore. There are, actually, a couple of activities I still enjoy, but they are just interests, not dreams or aspirations. Sometimes, usually when stressed out, I go and take walk, stop by a park bench and start to contemplate. I can sense that there is something "beyond the veil" trying to tell me what to do, but I can't quite figure out what it is or bring these thoughts to the surface. I am always looking for something, but never finding it. Hope that makes any sense.

Can't even read on a computer or phone anymore. It hurts my eyes and I get distracted easily because of my internet addicted youngin brain. I only bother to force myself to read documentation when I'm dealing with my software. Otherwise, I rather purchase or put it on my ereader. Anyone else have this same problem?

>>80333 for a long time ive wanted to make an audio only spacial perception game. the idea would be it fits cases like yours and many other people for example blind and visually impaired, or just tired eyes before bed. i have a story and setting and everything, but then i started coding python, and instantly gave up.

>>80324 Explain why you chose the word 'whore'?

I'm so fuarrrking anxious I don't know what to do. I can't afford my meds (no other option than this med than I know of) without going through a GoodRX coupon. But the problem is that I don't want to use the coupon because they sell your data. Secondly, they were fined by the FTC in a lawsuit for shady privacy practices and selling patient data. I'm so fuarrrking scared because my quality of life is going to plummet drastically if I don't get these meds. I've tried so hard to keep my soykaf from getting out there. God fuarrrking damnit.

That's kind of anguish I feel often. Especially when they force me into using social media. Retards. You can't avoid spying, so maybe it's worth the risk. fuarrrk them all.

>>80339 your health is more important anon, figure out the rest later. thats my ten cents.

>>80334 That's very kind and ambitious of you, even if it never reached fruition. I'm not telling you to still pursue such a thing, but the thought of you wanting to help is very beautiful in itself. So thank you.

>>80347 ay someone actually replied to me! people usually don't reply. yeah the most problematic parts were choosing the development platform, i wanted something that was very cross-platform and deployable so i started on python which was no good, and i lied i actually checked out godot only to encounter the problem of needing a lot of audio assets for everything from ambiance to gameplay mechanics, also i'd need to work out dynamic noise behavior based on the character's direction and position... so this was really exhausting to think about which is why i instead considered that i should do it in 2d only, which would take away from the immersion i guess but make it remotely feasible... but even then it was in fact a lot harder than it sounds at first, because you need to develop everything which allows the player to actually not become fuarrrking lost in the level due to the audio behavior not being good enough to enable spacial recognition. i have literally never done anything in audio engineering which didn't help at all either. if anyone cares, the setting of the game is a steelpunk underground civilization. ask me anything

>>80333 i thought i was going blind because i had reading issues but then i turned my old laptop on and realized the font was by default twice the size. High resolution monitors for more screen space are cool but also make the letters smaller. Trivial fix is increase font size. Font type & contrast also matters. >>80348 if you got a story to tell and want some interaction make it a audio novel adventure. There are "chose your adventure" books that consist of small story bits with each bit having a multiple choice option "if you wanna go left read page x, if you go middle page y, and if you want to wait page z" - you can replicate this trivially with audio bits and a multiple choice at each end. Almost 0 technical skill required.

>>80349 yeah but i had a vision, you know? a whole world and vibe, ambiance. atmosphere

>>80326 it's also a really easy way to stay true to yourself and make sure you stay human >>80335 no

>>80181 Life ain't a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos. It's a much more interesting game with lots of side quests.

>>80357 >>80357 >>80357 ragebait

I don't know what to do. I'm so burnt out I effectively can't study anymore. I almost flunked a course this semester and had to drop it. I need a semester off to be able to keep going, but when I have nothing to do, my mind goes in a million different directions, and it's not good for my mental health. At the same time, college isn't currently helping my mental health for the time being, either. I'm also not sure what I'm going to do if I'm forced to switch majors. I genuinely don't know what to do. I'm at a complete loss.

>>80361 I don't want to upset you, but there is nothing you can do, probably. I will assume you're not what they label as normal user otherwise just skip skip this post entirely. As far as I understood it's not supposed to be the way it is. You're not supposed to study 12 hours a day. Back in the day they would study up to a few hours after noon and then just have tons of free time and they still would end up highly competent, because they had time to actually study and not just mindlessly grid the fuarrrking textbooks 24/7. You're not supposed to work without rest. You're supposed to do what they call socialization to get rest. You know? I am not entirely sure what socialization looks like, but the stuff like talking to friends or whatever. That's the whole point. You do need time off, but not alone. You need time off doing something else, completely unrelated to what you've been doing before. Complete change. Usually it's friends and stuff, idk what friends do usually. Unless you can provide with the change you're doomed to decline hopelessly

>>80367 I know you said to disregard the post, but I am going to reply anyway. >You're supposed to do what they call socialization to get rest. Doesn't that only apply to extroverts? If anything, socialization exhausts me to the bone. At college, being around people only makes me feel further alienated because my interests and personality are so far removed from the norm. It's also challenging because so much of it revolves around social media. "What's your insta, bro?" No thank you. I'm also afraid to go to meetups with other students because they always take pictures of others without permission to post them on social media. They want to photograph and post every activity on social media. It's like they have zero sense of boundaries or respect for any other person. I've found that "socializing" has only hurt more than it has helped. >I am not entirely sure what socialization looks like, but the stuff like talking to friends or whatever. That's the whole point. You do need time off, but not alone. You need time off doing something else, completely unrelated to what you've been doing before. Complete change. Usually it's friends and stuff, idk what friends do usually. Well fuarrrk. I'm down to maybe 1-2 friends left, and I'm pretty sure I'm losing the second one. Every time I speak to them, there's just a sense of passive aggressiveness. They told me they were just busy with school, but I don't have a good feeling about it. The other friend is long distance. Perhaps a road trip would be good. But last summer, I tried to set up something like that, but we never made it work. Goddamnit. On the bright side, I have made a new friend with someone who has a similar niche interest of mine. But, my mind always tells me that it will never work out, that I will always hopelessly be abandoned without fail - that perhaps there is something defunct with me that makes me undeserving of human kindness. It always happens eventually. I await the day I will eventually be ghosted, like the rest who did so previously. >Unless you can provide with the change you're doomed to decline hopelessly I don't like this fatalistic mindset. Are you sure there aren't alternative means of change rather than just "socializing"? I seek to attempt to improve my life to no avail whether or not I succeed. I find that stagnation is the enemy. Doing something is better than nothing. I seek growth. I'm going to certainly get a job for a while.

>>80311 Thank you for sharing. Im in my second year, still got a few to go, and I also felt like I can't deal with my peers, they annoy me, and especially after getting burnt by my prior friends I decided I didn't want friends. Lately that feeling has changed into constant loneliness and the desire to overcome it, I thought of getting social media at first but that would just be a superficial fix. Next semester, I want to try make some genuine friends. I don't know how I will and I know I'm going to blunder, but I need to try.

>>80368 >I've found that "socializing" has only hurt more than it has helped. Wrong people, that's why. I didn't mean going to party 24/7. You're supposed to socialize with people who you can get along with. Closing yourself down in your room, because majority of students seem to be interested in bullshit that you dislike isn't going to do you any good. I don't know how you're supposed to find somebody though. >I await the day I will eventually be ghosted, like the rest who did so previously. You need to stop it until it's too late. I got myself handicapped by this mindset and now I unironically feel better about jumping off some lofty roof than actually interacting with people to get something done. Save yourself and stop giving soykaf. Maybe it's gonna be unpleasant if they end up ghosting you, just fuarrrk it. I don't know what exactly excuse you should use to not feel bad about being ghosted, but just come up with something plausible that doesn't involve self-humiliation. >I don't like this fatalistic mindset. It's not fatalistic, lain. If you're stuck with the same soykaf for awhile you don't just burn out, you go fuarrrking braindead. To get rest you need to do something very different from what got you tired.

>>80374 >I don't know how I will and I know I'm going to blunder, but I need to try. That's the spirit, m8. I didn't make any real friends in college until my third or fourth year. Until then it was just people I was around often. I think that's pretty typical. >>80311 >We all know that if you're not going into academia college classes and programmes are largely bullshit, but that means if you're not socializing then you are literally wasting your money by going there. absolutely true. Also, now is the time to experiment with psychedelic drugs. You're old enough that you probably won't fry your brain but you don't have so many responsibilities.

>Also, now is the time to experiment with psychedelic drugs. Yeah, also going to partying, having lots of sex, getting a bunch of stds, violating a few laws, spending a year in prison and going to lots of adventures overall. You can't live a full life without drugs, women, guns, and violence, really. I suggest you take some potent drugs like heroine, just to make sure you've taken all you can from life. Don't forget to promote it everywhere you go, because govs are very upset when you don't help them to provide masses with the opium. Drugs are the bliss of the universe really, you just don't understand. Don't listen to whoever speaks against drugs, he's an idiot. They were passed to ass by Gods themselves so we can finally find something worthwhile on this barren planet

>>80375 >Closing yourself down in your room, because majority of students seem to be interested in bullshit that you dislike isn't going to do you any good. That's not what I'm getting at. I mean less-so fully withdrawing but taking a break rather, getting a rest from humans. I'm still interested in putting efforts into going to outside events and groups. >You're supposed to socialize with people who you can get along with. That has been my effort. To find strange individuals such as myself, but it seems that there are an overwhelming amount of normal people on my college campus, and it is disquieting. Even so, I make great efforts to talk to people, but they're quite cold. They won't engage in small-talk. They're just glued to their phones. It's insanely hard when the other party isn't even trying. >Save yourself and stop giving soykaf. Maybe it's gonna be unpleasant if they end up ghosting you, just fuarrrk it. I don't know what exactly excuse you should use to not feel bad about being ghosted, but just come up with something plausible that doesn't involve self-humiliation. I see. I will keep this in mind. I'm trying to have a better mindset towards this, but it's excruciatingly difficult. >>80377 >Also, now is the time to experiment with psychedelic drugs. You're old enough that you probably won't fry your brain but you don't have so many responsibilities. Some people have a family history of severe mental illness, and possibly suggesting this to them could possibly ruin their life. Late teens, early 20's are prime-time for schizophrenia onset.

>>80381 You're just cringe. You should have said 'keep loving lass let's see how long it lasts '"'"'til you get better' and walked off.

>>80340 >>80343 I managed to find a simple workaround for this, actually, without having to go through GoodRX. I essentially just called a bunch of local independent pharmacies and found what I was looking for within reasonable prices. They wanted 1k+$ at the pharmacy chain, and at the smaller place, it was less than 60$. It looks like GoodRX and many chain pharmacies are in cahoots, and the chain pharmacies are jacking up their prices astronomically to force you to use the GoodRX coupon so they can datamine your medical history and sell it to whoever they please. It's essentially one giant fuarrrking racket.

>>80380 >Even so, I make great efforts to talk to people, but they're quite cold. They won't engage in small-talk. They're just glued to their phones. It's insanely hard when the other party isn't even trying. Yeah that's one thing. I want to try but this probably more than anything has put me off. Sometimes I wonder how many relationships never happened, because someone didn't see that handsome man or beautiful girl on the train, who they would have ended up with in another time. We are in sad times to be sure, but all we can do is keep our head up until the storm passes, which it surely will. People are waking up slowly, the great exodus shall start slowly and then become a flood at the threshold where the network effect breaks down. Until then, lets keep treading.

>>80385 >We are in sad times to be sure God this makes me seethe so much I almost want to blow the soykaf out of my ass and invent the time machine using that broken microwave just to fuarrrking ensure that there wasn't any single period of time ever people told otherwise. Always, any year, any age, there's that guy constantly saying we live in sad times and that crackpot who says we've been over it already.

>>80381 honestly her fault for literally looking into your eyes and telling you she loves you...! what the hell were you even supposed to think? don't take revenge that's retarded, instead act as if she's a bit of a nutcase or something. be perplexed. make faces and shake your head at her i guess. >>80339 >>80384 this is just insanity to read. last year i thought i might have snapped the bone in the tip of my finger at work so went to the radiography center. i waited 30 minutes and they let me into the room where they did a full scan of my hand in various positions. when i got back out and they gave me the scans they told me it wasn't broken but also that due to me not having medical insurance covering of any sort at all that i would have to pay the full price for the whole procedure. so i paid 37€ and walked out

>>80311 LOL most of the connections that I made were not long lasting. Once someone moved away or stopped taking the same class as me, 90% of the time they ghosted (unless, I was the one that initiated conversation through call or text). Your colleagues at school, especially generation Z, are nothing more than people to add to your Linkedin profile page. Most younger people are extremely socially awkward, have their social group that they 'hang around with' until somebody moves are leaves, and will never really, truly become your friend (in our social isolationist culture, having a 'true friend' and not a friend of circumstance is exceedingly rare). You really didn't miss out on anything other than the opportunity to network and have 'fun'. so stop being such a miserable pile of sorrow that laments on the things they 'could of done' instead of the things they should do, NOW.

>>80383 >>80387 Alright to clarify I deleted my post because I got some things mixed up, things are good I was just paranoid, I'll redo the story here >Be at normal person party >4 am >Faded >Girl is yapping about gamecube games >barely listening >She leaves >15 minutes later I'm ordering an uber and about to head out >Girl looks at me straight in the eyes and says "I love you" >Whole party quiets down and stares at us >"Huh? What?" >"I love you" >Smile >"I love you too" >Take her insta and try to set up a date while being an anxious mess tripping up almost every word >"I meant that in a friend way by the way" >Right >I get the fuarrrk out of here as fast as I can >Get laughed out as I leave >Turns out people weren't laughing at me I was just paranoid >They were actually cooking the girl's boyfriend that sat right next to her and just let that whole thing happen >I thought he was her gay best friend or something like that. So I might have a shot at losing my virginity with the crazy girl I guess, she's pretty hot, still the highest rate I have gotten online is a 4/10, her bf really mogs me in every way, she was probably trying to make him jealous I guess? I really can't stand normal people, it really feels like they're trying to mess with met at every damn function.

>>80394 40% she saw you as a potentially virgin sperg she felt like messing with just because she could 40% she's a nutcase who just says random crap and something weird happened in her head especially at 4am probably just to mess with her bf 20% you pulled off a legendarily miserable misunderstanding

>>80393 is totally fuarrrking right. Spot on. >Once someone moved away or stopped taking the same class as me, 90% of the time they ghosted (unless, I was the one that initiated conversation through call or text). This has also been my experience. People are extremely hard to conversate with. >Most younger people are extremely socially awkward, have their social group that they 'hang around with' until somebody moves are leaves, and will never really, truly become your friend (in our social isolationist culture, having a 'true friend' and not a friend of circumstance is exceedingly rare). This is also true, but depressing for me specifically because I was forcibly isolated against my will as a child. Though, it really made me wonder what part of it is generational. I don't want to see like one of those "born in the wrong generation" folks, but it does seem way easier to converse with people over 25, and they seem way more open. It's almost making me consider seeking meetups where the age skews older for that reason, wondering if it'll do any difference. I've noticed that a lot of my peers struggle to communicate, and this is evident in group work. >You really didn't miss out on anything other than the opportunity to network and have 'fun'. so stop being such a miserable pile of sorrow that laments on the things they 'could of done' instead of the things they should do, NOW. I agree. You should check out your local library to see if they have any meetups that pique your interest. I genuinely think these might be a better bet than college. >>80394 This doesn't sound as bad as the other lainon was making it out to be. It just looks like a simple misunderstanding, that's all. Shit happens. Don't let it get you down, and let it be a learning experience. >mogs Please remove this language from your vocabulary. Also, if you aren't one of these so called "normal people," then why are you at one of their parties? If you were that bad, would you even have been invited? >So I might have a shot at losing my virginity with the crazy girl I guess, she's pretty hot, still the highest rate I have gotten online is a 4/10, her bf really mogs me in every way I don't like this mindset you have. It feels like you just look at women and grade them on a scale, and this is dehumanizing. Of course, I can see the value in looking good, but on the long term, looks never last. She is going to hit the wall some day and so are you. I mean, there are some women who do manage to age really well, but they are in the small minority, and if you are on lainchan, then there's a highly likely chance that that sort of woman would never date someone like you. There's also the chance that she becomes disfigured as a result of an accident. Would you just leave her then? It's awful. If you base the relationship on that solely, then you bring nothing but hurt to both parties. I hate this mindset in general.

>>80397 >I don't like this mindset you have. It feels like you just look at women and grade them on a scale, and this is dehumanizing. The whole world is pretty dehumanizing, nothing wrong seeing people like things until they prove to be otherwise. >loosing virginity Don't you dare to loose. Don't you give up. Feel the magic flowing

>The whole world is pretty dehumanizing, nothing wrong seeing people like things until they prove to be otherwise. I don't know if you're the person I was initially responding to, but don't you think by doing that you put off an air subconsciously that puts people off? that they can read, somehow, you don't view them as human, if indirectly? Do you think that putting them up to the test like this might inherently make them fail because they are pressured to prove something as basic and ingrained as their humanity? >Don't you dare to loose. Don't you give up. Feel the magic flowing Agreed. Don't yield yourself to degeneracy for arbitrary social clout that is inevitably ephemeral, pleasures which are fleeting, love that eventually ends. Those enjoyments always manage to fly back in your face at some point. You find yourself toiling for a woman who essentially views you as but a paypig.You are constantly prostrating yourself, enduring humiliation to satisfy the pressure of the hierarchy, which will never truly be satisfied. You deal with pregnancy, cheating, drama, STDs, all for what? So you can have no more than a wet hole? Relationships are a net negative for most men. Buy an onahole before it's too late.

>>80399 Im the original poster this guy >>80398 isnt me though I do agree with him. I look unsettling, I have fuarrrked up eyes and pale skin due to being a test subject for meds when I was a teenager, that whole thing about having to prove to others that I'm worth being human hits close to home. You can probably guess that from my story but most people dont even treat me like a human being, but I get your point, I wonder if they feel the same, probably not or else they wouldnt be so mean. All I can do is keep making money and start lifting and maybe I'll get rewarded with some dried up whore pussy. At least I have dreams and friends so my life is actually pretty alright all things considered. Still the constant bullying from deranged normal people is really getting on my nerve and telling me to change my behavior so they dont feel threatened doesnt sound like very good advice, no offence.

>>80400 >I look unsettling, I have fuarrrked up eyes and pale skin due to being a test subject for meds when I was a teenager, that whole thing about having to prove to others that I'm worth being human hits close to home. You can probably guess that from my story but most people dont even treat me like a human being, but I get your point, I wonder if they feel the same, probably not or else they wouldnt be so mean. I sometimes struggle with that feeling myself - feeling so alienated that I have to earn humanity. But, even though I feel this way, I will still state that humanity comes with being born. Nothing can give or take away humanity. It is always present. >I'll get rewarded with some dried up whore pussy. Please don't see that as a reward. That's just self-c*ckoldry. You are worth more than that. >Still the constant bullying from deranged normal people is really getting on my nerve and telling me to change my behavior so they dont feel threatened doesnt sound like very good advice, no offence. Unfortunately, with normals, that's the game. You either follow their rules, or you don't play the game at all. You can't merely expected them to go against years and years of ingrained social programming. I don't like it, either, and that is why I don't play the game. You can't change the fact that they operate on animalistic impulses. They are designed to pick on small subvocal cues and then judge and individual on that rather than by logic or examination. It's my clique vs your clique is better bullshit. If anything, they don't view you as a "threat" but see you as an easy target so they can boost their status. It's all pecking order nonsense. When you put off an air of weakness, to normals, it's like a predator smelling blood. It's entirely fuarrrking "vibes." It's dumb as fuarrrk. I hate saying these things. I am also sorry if this comes off as victim-blaming. It's technically not your fault; it's not your fault they operate like bonobos. I don't want to merely dismiss your experiences, and I don't want you to feel dismissed. But I don't know what else to tell you. It's straight up how they operate.

>>80399 I'm a different lainon, but I can relate to this.. people can be way more sensitive to minor stuff that some of us would never notice or think about. Being authentic with your feelings is often bad for your relationships. I don't know how to solve this, either. I wish sometimes that I could watch footage of myself in order to figure exactly what I did wrong in certain situations.. it's very difficult to find the mistake by yourself after the facf. I feel like most people must dislike or even hate me by 'default' due to this. It's probably not entirely the case, most people wouldn't be that focused on me but still. It's difficult to convince myself of that.

>>80368 I thought I would never find anyone interesting until I somehow did. I found her late, maybe because of my aversion to socializing (a.k.a my fault) or maybe because dumb luck, but it happened. Normalfegs can be interesting as well, and having a few friends can teach you how to interact with people more easily. One of my best friends is one, and we trade information about our respective hobbies a lot, so there is a net gain. There's nothing too bad about being a failed normal user; ignore the text boxes on the screen telling you otherwise Or you could continue acting like yet another Daria clone and piss away your one youth downloading more images and typing in chatrooms while your body as you know it disappears.

>>80407 >Being authentic with your feelings is often bad for your relationships. I don't know if I agree with that. My sister describes my exterior as "fake," and that is likely because I hide my powerlevel extensively, but I don't know if it's actually done any good for my relationships. People just seem to slide right off of me and simply forget I exist. I never really get close to anyone, but I partly think that it is because I never show my real self. I think that you do need to be somewhat "real" in small doses and build up over time so that you can build up a genuine connection. I'm just not good at it, and I don't think I have an innate self that inherently melds with other people very well. >>80414 >I thought I would never find anyone interesting until I somehow did. How many failures have you had before that? I guess I'm put down by all of the past failures. When I thought I found "my people," it turned out to be false. “There is a feeling I’ve had ever since childhood: that there exist many different “worlds” and I was born in the wrong one, a world I don’t quite fit into. I’ve felt this strong feeling of wrongness all through my life. There is no space for me in this world. Every time I believe I’ve finally found my place, someone comes to me and says “Go away! You’re not supposed to be here.” ~ Jun Togawa >Normalfegs can be interesting as well, and having a few friends can teach you how to interact with people more easily. I don't disagree with you. But I don't know if they'd want to do that for me. For me, feels like they'd just see that my social skills are null and just vanish on the spot. >Or you could continue acting like yet another Daria clone and piss away your one youth downloading more images and typing in chatrooms while your body as you know it disappears. Have no interest in sitting, rotting on the internet. I do intend to make changes. I've signed up for gym classes, I'm having job interviews, I'm being proactive in speaking with others, but the outcome is never different. I know I'm the problem, but I just struggle extensively. >Daria clone Honestly, you've described me too well. >There's nothing too bad about being a failed normal user; ignore the text boxes on the screen telling you otherwise I've never seen myself described that way. Do you think that there is a way to find one's way out of failed normalglitterboyry through a change of mindset?

>>80414 >There's nothing too bad about being a failed normal user Are you so very sure about this one?

>>80379 I realize you might think this is masterful rhetoric, and that you've truly dropped the mic, but it's internet argument schlock. One step up from YouTube comments, because you can spell. It was actually kind of painful to read, imagining your self-satisfied expression as you tapped away at your keyboard, imagining you totally owned your opponent. I physically cringed. Maybe if you want to make friends you should stop doing that. Just a thought. (This applies to pretty much any argumentative /hum/ post too)

lainons, every day i am internally seething about how many stupid people exist and are allowed to continue existing in this world. i am deeply affected by the fact that, since i live in a democracy, they are permitted, even if indirectly, to dictate politics to me. typically their stupidity gets exploited by politicians who i don't even blame, but i so resent that these idiots' weaknesses directly affect my life. i try to ignore it all but it doesn't go away. i'm trapped in this silly goose system, when i just want to be left alone. perhaps i should take advantage of the retards but i am cursed with some sort of ethical empathy which dictates that i should let things be as much as i can. i know that everything is relative and there's people out there smarter and better than me, and i want to be humbled by someone like that, but no luck in meeting anyone so far. it's probably a thing of perspective where i don't know the world enough and so my pov is too narrow. but i really want to feel like the world is not in the hands of unscrupulous politicians, and by extension, the rage inducing baizuo-type morons that prop them up. am i being too emotional? this is a vent thread, and i had pressure, idk.

>>80421 That's not a good way to think about it. Something that is obvious to me and you might not be obvious to others, just like how many things might be obvious to others but not to you and I. I don't know you personally, but take social skills as an example since many here (myself included) struggle with it. It's something natural to most normal people but can be immensely difficult to even understand for people like me and some others around here. It's normal to be dumb and bad at certain things, can't have it all.

>>80419 Forgive me, You Grace, next time I'll do better. I was very serious the previous time, I want very intent on pleasing you, it is a shame I failed. I will do my utmost to become better at pleasing your opinions, Your Grace.

>>80415 >How many failures have you had before that? I guess I'm put down by all of the past failures. When I thought I found "my people," it turned out to be false. My "failures" in the realm of socializing were being bored or annoyed by someone, so it wasn't anything bad. It's normal to be annoyed and bored of people, especially if you don't know them that well. And that "worlds" quote is pretty gay; stop thinking about it so hard and you'll have a better time solving your own problems. >I don't disagree with you. But I don't know if they'd want to do that for me. Then don't think of people as having to serve you. Spend time around them to get to know another person for the sake of getting to know them, and maybe something will come up. If not your relationship will fade naturally. >but the outcome is never different. stop being melodramatic and fantasizing too far ahead into the future. The small, actionable steps you're taking now are enough. >Do you think that there is a way to find one's way out of failed normalglitterboyry through a change of mindset? take chances that are cheap because regretting not acting on something hurts so much more than regretting saying or doing something stupid, because in the end at least you know the outcome instead of hypothesizing what it could've been. >>80418 >Are you so very sure about this one? Of course. "Failed normalgaf" is a term used by insecure, shortsighted losers with a crab-bucket mentality and should be disregarded. It's your life, "fail" until you stop failing; someone will appreciate your self-determination one day.

>>80431 >It's your life, "fail" until you stop failing; someone will appreciate your self-determination one day. your own pic answers this better than any words possible. just because somebody "appreciates" you out of pity after seeing you fail for thirty years in a row doesn't mean you amount to anything. if you're a failure, you're a failure, there's nothing you can do about it. fake it till you make is a meme

>>80401 i still struggle to understand why some idiots count pale skin as a negative physical aspect. pale skin is beautiful. >>80432 >>80431 that way of thinking is also quite weird to me, global statements made on determined belief. i've often found that less mentally fortunate like to deal in absolutes versus doing with blurry probabilities. it's a big problem in this world: stupid people are full of certainties while smart people are full of doubts. i am absolutely sure of this

>>80433 >>80432 >just because somebody "appreciates" you out of pity after seeing you fail for thirty years in a row doesn't mean you amount to anything. No one said anything about "pity". But yes if you are thirty and haven't figured out yourself then you are in a bad position. My thoughts are more aimed at younger kids (16-23) who are convinced by people like yourself that they should give up when things have barely started. The excessive moping is effeminate and unproductive, which might be the point of /vent/ but is still reductive. >>80433 Because these statements make up a heuristic to improve yourself given a hazy situation. If you were actually somewhat intelligent you would've realized that and not have submited your post

>>80435 getting tunnel vision and making broad statements about large groups without evidence and great conviction is not any kind of heuristic, it's baseless hearsay and will certainly improve something, that is, your chances believing nonsense. you continue with personal attacks. i note that even after fumbling and deleting >>80434 you still missed my awesome joke in >>80433 so talk about not submitting posts. at least i got two (you)s i suppose. i'm curious to know whether there is a good choice to be made between being globally intellectually decisive and bold or handling in less defined, more probability-oriented ways of interpreting information, or if i'm saddling the horse backwards

>>80436 >getting tunnel vision making necessary abstractions isn't tunnel vision. Moping and saying "nuffin madders anymore" while listening to Linkin Park is tunnel vision. >evidence >hearsay oh wow, look at the honor student that thinks putting everything in terms of academic research makes him intelligent. I definitely haven't seen this one before...

>>80432 >if you're a failure, you're a failure, there's nothing you can do about it. "A failure" describes an event, not a person. If you failed, then there's nothing you can do about it because it's in the past. That doesn't mean you will always fail in the future. If you're on your deathbed then yeah there's no way you can succeed in the future because you can't do anything at all in the future. But chances are you're like 21 years old and fairly healthy. There's a reason old users are always harassing you to get off your ass, they envy the fact that you still have a life ahead of you and they're angry that you're throwing it away.

>>80431 >My "failures" in the realm of socializing were being bored or annoyed by someone, so it wasn't anything bad. It's normal to be annoyed and bored of people, especially if you don't know them that well. I see. For me, I've been either rejected or ghosted. The only person who stuck around (I ended up having to ghost them, and I still feel guilty for it to this day because they thought I was their best friend) mocked all of my hobbies and was fundamentally incompatible with every aspect of me. Prior to my teen years, my parents never allowed me to have friends. I think I was well capable of making them at that time, too. I would get along quite well with other kids, but my parents would never arrange time for us, and they would never follow-up, so I feel gimped by circumstances out of my control. I listen to my peers around me talk about the friends they've had since Kindergarten, and their experience is completely alien to me. They keep asking me about these basic experiences I should of had, and I look upon them as if I'm a deer in headlights. They expect me to operate upon ways of thinking and sets of rules only adopted by having the kinds of experiences they did. There's so much I simply don't understand about it. I'm skeptical your experience could even be applicable to mine. >Then don't think of people as having to serve you. Except I don't view them that way. The only reason why I said that is because you said. >a few friends can teach you how to interact with people more easily. I do exactly what you said. I take utmost interest in people. I ask genuine questions. I try to get to know them as a person. I try to make them feel comfortable; I try to be considerate. >And that "worlds" quote is pretty gay; stop thinking about it so hard and you'll have a better time solving your own problems. The complete sense of alienation encapsulated by it adequately describes how I've felt for a considerable amount of time. I agree that I may be excessively ruminating, but my experiences are inclined to make me reflect - to figure out what I've done wrong so that I can change it and not have the same future experience. >stop being melodramatic and fantasizing too far ahead into the future. The small, actionable steps you're taking now are enough. Melodramatic? I'm looking at past data points, and I'm seeing a trend. It's not like It came out of nowhere. But, the latter part eases the feeling of existential dread I have. >take chances that are cheap because regretting not acting on something hurts so much more than regretting saying or doing something stupid, because in the end at least you know the outcome instead of hypothesizing what it could've been. I have been taking fuarrrkloads of chances. If I happen to see someone with a shirt that has something I recognize, I compliment them on it. I'm always trying to speak up in class, even though it feels excruciating, so that I can expose myself to those fears. It's why I've considered quitting because it's not really changing anything. It feels like unnecessary torture at this point. >>80432 > if you're a failure, you're a failure, there's nothing you can do about it. fake it till you make is a meme What does this even mean? That you should cease to try at all? Even if to improve the quality of your life? I vaguely agree with "fake it till you make is a meme." I feel like a lot of things in life are based on circumstances things you have no control over. Trying to push yourself to do something that's beyond your capability and basing your self-worth on being unable to achieve it is unnecessary torture. >>80435 >But yes if you are thirty and haven't figured out yourself then you are in a bad position. I'm within the age range your advice is geared towards, but I don't even believe that not having things figured out by thirty is the end of the world. Why can't I internalize this and apply it to my own circumstances? There's many things I've told others that if I could internalize them myself, then I would feel a lot better. But I'm still left with this penetrating feeling of otherness. That, these things could never possibly apply to me because I'm completely and utterly undeserving of receiving understanding as a result of being inhuman. >>80438 I do feel like you are being a bit reductive. Taking a reasonable expression of grievances caused by various hurts occurring over a long period of time and reducing them to "Moping and saying "nuffin madders anymore" while listening to Linkin Park is tunnel vision." There's a confusingly motivational yet judgemental tone in your writings, almost, as if to say, "You got this brah. It'll be fine," but also, "You weren't able to meet the milestones by the time society wanted? You are inadequate." But, this sort of external judgement, by others and by society, like this, are part of what creates pain for me, and it's why I come to imageboards like these because I'm able to escape from more traditional points of view. But it's also part of what makes me want to isolate myself. You can say, "Just ignore them." But these judgements are everywhere and pervasive, and the people who make them are often people in positions of power. These sorts of people can often control important aspects of your life. But it's not to mean that you should simply give into what society says like a sheep. It means that it's hard to avoid, even if you tell yourself otherwise. I sometimes wonder if normal users just come here to make themselves feel better, to feel like they've made a "difference," while they are truly gawking at us on the inside, really thinking we're failures. They push these narratives that you have to be uber successful to even be considered worthy of consideration. No. I just want a job to cover my basic needs and perhaps a couple of close friends who will stick by me. If I'm lucky, then maybe even a friend group. Perhaps a community that holds similar values. Something else I will admit, is that I know my thinking skews towards that of a failed normal user, but that was not always the case. I had well-accepted my circumstances, and I felt no pain nor bitterness towards them. There were no feelings of loss. I was unconcerned with not having friends. The only reason why I made my first friend is because I was forced to by my mother when I was a teenager. (Why did they deprive me as a child, only to force it upon me after I had lost a sense of desire after being deprived for years and years?) Again, there was no pain, only detachment. But, it's all come crashing onto to me in waves once I started leaving the house, seeing what the outside world was like - seeing what positive human interactions looked like - what was within the realm of possibility. Only seeing it then, it created a deep sense of despair. But what amplified it was how I was treated. I never came in with the expectation of being treated like royalty. In fact, there was a vague sense that I was lesser, and I ensured that I treated everyone with kindness, as if they were worthy and deserving of it. But, my experiences only re-affirmed the beliefs that I hoped to shatter to pieces. I sought to challenge them in any way I could. I wanted to so deeply and desperately wrong because it possibly mean that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. However, a pattern deeply persists, and I'm still left scratching my head at what I could have done wrong, what could make me so disdainful, unworthy, and lesser. My question becomes this: If you manage to bloom socially, then does it mean that you ever were not a normal user?

Been a while since I've been here. Guess I was foolish to think I'd never be back. Everything is falling apart again. Laying in bed all day long in the dark hurting and feeling suicidal. 30 next month, this old and never managed to get away from it. Suicidal thoughts creeping back in, and it's getting harder to push them out. Life is so beautiful it's painful. I wish I could live just a little bit of it. And every year goes by faster than the one before.

>>80439 >I'm skeptical your experience could even be applicable to mine. heh. I was homeschooled from third grade to sophomore year in high school. I had no friends during that time (beyond my parents and siblings if those count) and even during elementary school I had maybe two people I could talk to on a regular basis. I started going to college at around age 12 and I didn't really talk to anyone; when I did it was pretty awkward but that goes without saying. I definitely was a weird, precocious kid and I don't blame people for how they reacted to me, but getting taken out of school was really good for me in the long run. Spending my time around adults instead of kids and having more self-responsibility in my schooling taught me a lot of invaluable lessons that many people my age are still trying to figure out for themselves. I lost out on "puppy romances" and all that stuff, but it only seldom bothered me for a little after getting into highschool and not having enough skills to nab a freshman. It also goes without saying that I was an odd character when I joined my highschool, but I kind of leaned into it without being cartoony and people respected the individuality. Whether or not people saw me as a jester depended on how well they knew me personally, but I was fairly recognizable even if I was unknowingly annoying at times. We all develop at different speeds, and as an adult looking back on it and seeing kids doing it IRL, you just appreciate the effort. All that is to say that it depends on how you recognize what went well in your life up until now. An angsty teenager today will bitch and moan about how his life wasn't shojo manga perfection, but an intelligent adult will look back on his life and see in which ways it made him unique. >I look upon them as if I'm a deer in headlights Have you tried not doing that? >Why can't I internalize this and apply it to my own circumstances? Because you need to figure these things out for yourself. Taking advice will not generate wisdom; you need to derive wise thoughts from your own experiences. Don't do it so much that you dwell on the past, but have critical thoughts. >and it's why I come to imageboards like these because I'm able to escape from more traditional points of view The traditional points of view are what will help you. Everything I am saying is normal, "traditional" stuff. Okay I'm reading the rest of your post and it's more of the "wah wah me me me I'm so sad" soykaf I used to see on LJ. You're definitely being melodramatic here and it isn't serving you well to wax poetic on how it's tuff for you to make friends. Everyone is different, so stop focusing on how "different" you are from a bunch of other glitterboys that are "different" as well. It seems when I tell people to stop being so self-centered and to abstract away problems by looking at the bigger picture, they hand-wave that specific advice away as being unecessary for some contrived reason.

>>80439 >If you manage to bloom socially, then does it mean that you ever were not a normal user? Okay, I have an idea on how this works. Basically, everyone ought to perform some level of socialization regardless of any personal setbacks, and going beyond this level of socialization usually results in weird clique-like behavior (even among adults who should be over this), and normal user behavior encapsulates all of it. But if you aren't hitting the basic levels of socialization, you wind up in No Man's Land where nobody really regards you as anything. I have spent most of my time here (I complained about this in a post where I was warning people to not be actual loners) partly because I didn't really care to socialize at the time (which was a bad idea) and because I have a lot more fun observing people than interacting with them, but that's a different subject. So to answer your question: no, it doesn't necessarily make you a normal user if you bloom socially because non-normal users do it regularly.

>>80438 Driven by war, people start over at any age. Seeing them, too old is when you're 45-50. At 40 you can still manage to get things together from scratch, if you have brains. You have no idea what you are talking about. Being a failure is not an event, it's your nature, formed somewhat by genes, but mostly by environment. It doesn't depend on you, so people who manage to get things together have an illusion that it is their achievement, but it is achievement of their luck and those who contributed to that luck. It is a loop. If you get inside the lucky loop, you get a life and then help others lucky men get life as well. If you're not lucky, you'll never unfail youreself. Stop being bluepilled normal user. Life is not about overcoming hardships, it's about harvesting luck.

>>80441 >heh. I was homeschooled from third grade to sophomore year in high school. I had no friends during that time (beyond my parents and siblings if those count) and even during elementary school I had maybe two people I could talk to on a regular basis. I started going to college at around age 12 and I didn't really talk to anyone; when I did it was pretty awkward but that goes without saying. Well, I'm surprised actually. Hits closer to home than I thought. But my circumstances were a bit more severe in some ways (I don't intend to word it in a way that dismisses the difficulty of your circumstances, but there was a little extra context on mine which ups the level of isolation and life difficulty,) and I'm not going to elaborate on them. >An angsty teenager today will bitch and moan about how his life wasn't shojo manga perfection, but an intelligent adult will look back on his life and see in which ways it made him unique. I don't know if you mean that in general, or if you're referring to me, but if you're referring to me, then that's never been my train of thought, that I've ever wanted "perfection." If you would have read deeper in to my last post, then you would've realized that. Surely, I can see a couple of upsides to my own circumstances, but it's hindered my ability to interact with humans on such a deep and fundamental level that it might fuarrrk with my ability to survive in the future. >Have you tried not doing that? What kind of response is that? >Taking advice will not generate wisdom; you need to derive wise thoughts from your own experiences. Hasn't that been the entire point of my last post: my experiences are fuarrrking soykaf (over a long period of time. It hasn't been one year, two years, hell, not even five years, but over the span of more than a decade), this isn't working, I've tried everything, I'm going to cease trying socially so I can stop torturing myself. >The traditional points of view are what will help you. Everything I am saying is normal, "traditional" stuff. Help me? The traditional points of view lead people to hate me over things I have no control over. It gives them justification to judge me harshly. I fundamentally can not fuarrrking go back in time to make myself fit the standards of a person who has a traditional point of view. >Okay I'm reading the rest of your post and it's more of the "wah wah me me me I'm so sad" soykaf I used to see on LJ. You're definitely being melodramatic here and it isn't serving you well to wax poetic on how it's tuff for you to make friends. Everyone is different, so stop focusing on how "different" you are from a bunch of other glitterboys that are "different" as well. It seems when I tell people to stop being so self-centered and to abstract away problems by looking at the bigger picture, they hand-wave that specific advice away as being unecessary for some contrived reason. The fuarrrk are you talking about? Did you read a word of what I wrote? There was inherently fuarrrking meaning in what I wrote. You implied I was a failed normal user, so I further elaborated that I wasn't always that way but never realized what actual friendships looked like. I ventured out, couldn't for the life of me find any success because people fundamentally treated me like an alien to be gawked at, then stated that I didn't know what the fuarrrk I was doing wrong. I'm sorry if the language was too emotive or flowery for you. God damn. Why do you just simply result to skimming what ever I wrote (or anyone else for that matter), and just dismissing whatever you read as the product of some bullshit writing of a mid 2000's teenager? It's like you don't actually want to address specific points that were written. What are you gonna do, call me a My Chemical Romance MySpace Emo next? >Everyone is different, so stop focusing on how "different" you are from a bunch of other glitterboys that are "different" as well. That doesn't make sense when you just earlier said that an intelligent adult will "look back on his life and see in which ways it made him unique." But, it's not even me who is focusing on these differences but others. I try as fuarrrking hard to normalize myself, but people won't stop fuarrrking making comments about me as if I were some alien. "Oh, why don't you do X?" "Don't you know about Y?" It usually has something to do with some kind of basic norm or some kind of trend I'm not in touch with. It's small soykaf. They usually have to be patronizing about it, too, emphasizing it. You write as if this is something enjoyable for me. >It seems when I tell people to stop being so self-centered and to abstract away problems by looking at the bigger picture, they hand-wave that specific advice away as being unecessary for some contrived reason. I never intended to imply that. >>80443 >No Man's Land That's oddly how I'd describe myself, too. I guess, "not existing." There's times where I will have hung out with someone for a while, and then it someone else will come around by chance who they don't know, and it's like there's this odd chemistry that they have that I don't. It's really hard to describe. It's like they're speaking a foreign language, but on a more subvocal level. They click and get along very well. But, this invisibleness also has a benefit. No one really ever involves me in their drama, and I seem to skirt all bullying because of it. It's like I'm non-existent to the hierarchy. I see people do the same things that I do and then get bullied, but I'll do the same thing, and it's like I'm a complete ghost. If normalglitterboyry encapsulates weird clique behaviors, then what are the other normal user behaviors that do not include weird clique behavior? Could you go more in-depth to me what normalglitterboyry is to you personally? I have my own beliefs about this, but I'm curious to hear yours are.

>>80445 >That doesn't make sense when you just earlier said that an intelligent adult will "look back on his life and see in which ways it made him unique." There's a dual nature to self reflection in knowing that your life is your own as much as it is or can be others'. It's a critical thought and humility thing. >What are you gonna do, call me a My Chemical Romance MySpace Emo next? Well, if you keep on acting like one... >this isn't working, I've tried everything, I'm going to cease trying socially so I can stop torturing myself. Well okay then if it's so fuarrrking hard and you cannot find it to be any other way then give up I guess. I get that you want to communicate how "hard" things were for you (if you live in a first-world country with at least lower-middle class parents, your life wasn't hard unless you lived under intentional abuse of some sort), but pushing it by saying "My life was hard. No, it was harder than that. Nooo it was harder than that. Nooooo..." is obnoxious and unproductive. I'm not going to get your full life's experience out of a few text posts, so take what was said and apply it if you want or don't.

>>80445 >But, this invisibleness also has a benefit. No one really ever involves me in their drama, and I seem to skirt all bullying because of it. It's like I'm non-existent to the hierarchy. I've experienced the same thing. I feel as if I come off as a roving, observant hobo to some people. Of course I don't actually know what they think but the hobo thing is funny and somewhat convenient. >Could you go more in-depth to me what normalglitterboyry is to you personally? I have my own beliefs about this, but I'm curious to hear yours are. This is a soykafty graph that intends to demonstrate levels of socialization and is loosely based on interactions I've had before. The basic needs is where most everyone finds themselves, retards and normal users alike. The clique-y bullshit sphere is where a lot of people reside when they want to push their social skills or gather into large groups but form circle jerks and have a bunch of dramatic bullshit in tow; this finds itself in even the tiniest of subcultures, so it is not included with normal user activities. Those consist of what you'd expect (clubbing, "nightlife" stuff, etc.) and a lot of other activities if done for socialization (conventions, user groups, etc.). No man's land isn't a consequence of any social ability, per se, as even the basest autist will wind up in the "basic social requirements" circle. If someone winds up there then something has gone wrong; possibly some atavistic trait got smudged in your amygdala now being part of the social heirarchy is something you really don't need, at least in the same way others do regardless of your personal traits. I'm sure there's a sizeable number of people here that pull themselves out when they realize they need to adapt to the other circles to progress in life, but that's something I cannot confirm.

>>80452 Ironically, I think that even friendless sadsacks on /hum/ participate in cliquey bullshit. Observe people in this very thread who basically say their clique ("real" lainons) are so very distinct from "normal users" I think it's not so much the amount of social interaction that drives that behavior, although it becomes more likely the bigger your social circle is. It's a matter of type.

>>80450 I feel like you take what ever small point I've made and then exaggerate it to the extent as if that was what my entire post was about. >Well okay then if it's so fuarrrking hard and you cannot find it to be any other way then give up I guess. That even wasn't what I was getting at. I'm still going to try, but I'm not going to hurt myself as much over the social nonsense and perhaps try to accept this place as an outsider, ceasing trying to be like them so much. I can acknowledge that there have been aspects of my life in which I have it far easier than others, but I still have a social handicap. > "My life was hard. No, it was harder than that. Nooo it was harder than that. Nooooo..." is obnoxious and unproductive. Again, you're simply skewing what I said. >so take what was said and apply it if you want or don't. There are most certainly things you have said that I've found helpful, and I will take them to heart and reflect on them. >>80452 >this finds itself in even the tiniest of subcultures, so it is not included with normal user activities. I've found non-normalglitterboyry to be possible in small subcultures: see small imageboards. It's because there is anonymity, and I think anonymity destroys (most) possibilities of a hierarchy. If you can't distinguish anything or anyone, then you can't classify anyone as being lower or higher than anyone. I'd almost say that identities are a pre-requisite of a hierarchy. I mean, there are mods and admins, but it feels like that those sorts of classifications don't have as much of an impact on imageboards as they do forums. >No man's land isn't a consequence of any social ability, per se, as even the basest autist will wind up in the "basic social requirements" circle. If someone winds up there then something has gone wrong; possibly some atavistic trait got smudged in your amygdala now being part of the social heirarchy is something you really don't need, at least in the same way others do regardless of your personal traits. I agree with you. Especially on the idea of the autist's base social abilities. I've never found that autism or mental illness has anything to do with normalglitterboyry. Before I elaborate on my idea of normalglitterboyry, I want to explain what "the social framework" is. It shares similarities with your idea of the weird group behaviors. But, it's far more expanded. It consists of the hierarchy structure, social norms consisting of ideas, thoughts and behaviors, and group dynamics. In my view, to be a non-normal user, two criteria need to be met: KHHV and detached from the social framework. Why do I attach KHHV to this criteria? I have observed, without fail, that all sex-havers are attached to this social framework, and it is something inherent in the actions for getting sex and the motivations for it. It also has to do with the idea that getting sex is a core part of a normal user's values. One, there exists the desire to increase one's place in the social hierarchy. Two, they fear judgement/rejection for not getting sex. It exists to sate something within their ego. In the act of getting sex, it requires you to play social games, and if you are not attached to the social frame work, then you do not play these games: you skirt them entirely. However, I've been trying to think about how rape applies to this, since social games are not required. I think it becomes a way to increase an individual's power, an expression of hierarchy mechanisms. But, across the board, all sex is equal, all sex counts, and that removes your ability to become a non-normal user. A non-normal user may be a virgin voluntarily or involuntarily; it doesn't matter. Something else to mention is that the behaviors associated with being attached to the social framework exist on a spectrum and that all normal users do not act the same. A non-normal user may have sexual/romantic desires, but they are able to detach themselves from them and see them as illogical breeding instincts. It is not entertwined in their behavior as it is with a normal user. But, I truly want to elaborate on what it means to be attach to this social framework. It leads to a tendency towards group think. I have an example of this, recently. I was playing Counter-Strike with a person who invited me to play in a group with his friends from a previous game. There were 4 people, in the group, and then, the last person was a random. I noticed, that when we were in game, that they particularly picked on the one random, and treated him like a punching bag. I noticed that I would do similar things to the random (I was considered "in-group") and I would receive praise, while the random did thing, and they would be insulted viciously. However, as I had no connection to these dynamics, I saw and treated him as an equal. This sort of way of view alters the perception of a normal user's reality. The random, as the "outsider," was viewed in an entirely negative light on account of having done nothing except "not be a part of the group," and it seems like normal users have no awareness that this is happening. In fact, it seems like their brains do everything in their power to avoid actualizing that this is what is happening. I have been on the receiving end of this, and I noticed that this dynamic occured whether the split was 3 "in-group" and 2 randoms. That circumstance led to an almost segregation and the two randoms "teamed" up within this existing team. They listened to each other's words, and each individual made positive assumptions about each other. But, when the "in-group" individuals did similar actions, then those actions were viewed in a negative light. The same thing occured on the other side. Then, within group dynamics, exist hierarchies. Within hierarchies exist sub-hierarchies. But, the major thing to note is that normal users often have pre-conceived notions about individuals depending on their ranking in the hierarchy. However, objectively, an individual's ranking often has nothing to do with their actual merits. Sometimes, their ranking is higher because of things they have no control over. Perhap's they were associated with another high-ranking individual, which gave them a higher rank. What is considered "higher ranking" and "lower ranking" depends on what hierarchy a person a part of, what context it is in, and what culture they are a part of. An example of this in a societal context might be how a wealthy individual might be viewed compared to a homeless person. Regardless of what the latter individual does, their actions will be viewed in a negative light, and people will make assumptions about them without really knowing them as a person. Another example I can give is how scientists were perceived during COVID. Their opinions were accepted without being critically evaluated because of their perceived "authority." But, as a result of hierarchy and group dynamics, people who are objectively horrible people can be considered "good" because of the fact that the are "in-group" or have a "high rank." For instance, why is Ted Bundy worshipped (I have actually observed this happen in my college classes,) while harmless and unusual people are painted as somehow vile? I think that many of the social behaviors are an attenuated version of "sociopathic" behaviors. This way of operation makes it hard to go against the social grain, ideas that don't agree with the norm. As a result of over-attachment to norms, if raping children were considered the "norm," then normal users would follow along with it. There are many things that people do now that are considered the "norm" that are absolutely vile and horrific but simply go along with it because everyone else does. Every unsual quirk is considered abhorrent. A recent example of this is when I was studying with two of my classmates. There was a person who was wearing sunglasses inside. I suspect that he may have been on the spectrum and was doing so to avoid eye-contact, but my assessment may be wrong. But, my classmate had to ask this person in a derisive tone why he was wearing the sunglasses. Now, the act of asking itself was not harsh, but everything in his body language and in his facial expression suggested offense - as if some fundamental law of the universe was being betrayed. There was a pertinent look of disgust in his eyes and his demeanor carried one of judgement. This happens in many many more circumstances for a number of different reasons. When norms are not followed, innocent actions with innocent intentions are perceived as malicious, and it gives the normal users the justification to draw blood. 1/

>>80457 But, to continue my train of thought, if you do enough small things like that that go against the "norm" people will gossip about you and exclude you. As a result of following norms as if they were holy scripture, following group dynamics, and internalizing hierarchy structures, normal users become overly concerned with social image and experience over-attachment to the ego. They must have an identity, and they must take part in an arbitrary value system that is attached to their identity. They can't handle being in a setting where their identity has no value, where their words are equal to other individuals. They have to attach their face to their thoughts and feelings. This is part of why COVID was so bad for the normal users, and that was because they all wore masks, which interfered with their ability to project themselves socially. Hence, this is likely part of why in the previous example, with the person wearing sunglasses, was viewed in such a negative light was because my classmate could not see his eyes, which masked part of his identity, even if partially. I suppose anonymity perhaps is associated with danger for that reason. It doesn't matter whether you can see a person's face or not. We walk amongst wolves and interact with them daily and don't even know it. Many times people do, but never do anything out of fear of harming their own status. It's inevitable whether you see their face or not. See, again, Ted Bundy, being known as a "good person" by the community he was in. Many other individuals are like that. Normal users experience two types of self-image: one that is connected to how others view them and the second that ties into how they see themselves. Generally, as a result of this, it is necessary for normal users to put up a false face of being politically and morally correct (Ted Bundy also worked at suicide hotlines.) As previously mentioned, they want to display perceived traits which may increase their social standing. Woke agenda proliferates on college campuses and amongst young women, but it fundamentally has no backbone. Many of the socially exclusive behaviors that normal users take place in as a result of group and hierarchy dynamics are part of one of the fundamental causes of racism: your skin is not the color of my skin; therefore, you are not a part of my group/tribe, and that makes you a bad person. It's having a difference - really, any difference, whether you are a man/woman, different skin color, it leads an individual to differentiate themselves as part of a group, and exclusion will take place on either sides. It takes place on a very subconscious level, though, and young women tend to be the judgemental and most exclusive group of them all; therefore, it is ironic how they claim to "fight" racism and social injustice while constantly perpetuating the behaviors that lead to it in the first place. Yet, many converatives and right-leaning types take place in similar virtue-signalling. Instead, it's for the "precious unborn babies." They have to assert themselves as a "moral" and "godly" person. But, this is only a show - an act. Ultimately, these two types of individuals participate in the same behaviors under a different veneer. It's at the same root, but what I think leads to different beliefs is the individual's innate personality. As a part of this obsession with social image, they fear so deeply of being different, and they intensely alter their behavior so that other do not label them as "cringe." Contrarily, they do everything they can to make themselves "special" and "unique" but in a way that they can posture themselves. You have to have internalized what they consider "good humor" from places like Instagram or Tiktok or else you are "cringe." Ironically, they spew platitudes and falsehoods at others such as "Be yourself," "You do you," while viciously demeaning anything or anyone that dares to stray against the norm in the slightest of ways. Many normal user platitudes simply translate to, "Follow the herd." This leads to a weak but not non-existent sense of originality. But, surely many normal users are not born having perfect lives; many of them have lives that do not satisfy aspects of societal pressures - aspects of which would threaten their status in the hierarchy or their standing in a group. Maybe they have an interest or two that'd be considered odd, that doesn't follow the norms. Perhaps they have a train of thought that doesn't agree with the norm. This leads into another part of the self-image concept: justification mechanisms. They have to draw theirselves away from these truths about themselves using justification mechanisms. Essentially, a justification mechanism allows a normal user to alter how themselves or others perceive them within the hierarchy/a group dynamic. Irony is often used to reduce the negative social impact of an interest or train of thought that does not agree with the norm. "I only like X (a thing that would be considered "cringe) ironically." They thus douse themselves in irony, hoping to retain a shred of their status while also expressing an element of their true selves. An example of this could possibly be an ironic weeaboo. They label themselves as "weebs," rolling around in discomfort amongst their "fellow weebs," in a discord chat, hoping for a drip of social approval. However, this isn't the only possible justification mechanism, and they will often find ways to victimize themselves to reduce the social pressure of not having done something on the timeline that society desires. (As we remembered >>80435 expressing concealed disdain) Maybe it has nothing to do with following a desired timeline but not meeting "success" in a certain area of their life. Often times, it is an ailment which is imagined/real. Some times, they choose a group to blame their struggles on. Old feminist hags will blame "the patriarchy" for their "lack of success" in life. Many conservative individuals will describe immigrants for their host of problems. It doesn't matter. Any group in existence ultimately has flaws, and these flaws will be scapegoated by individuals and groups of other individuals. Ironically, normal users constantly tell you to "take responsibility for yourself," while never really applying this themselves. Generally, as a result of participating in the hierarchy, they not only have to make themselves look good while minimize negative aspects of themselves, all while lying their asses off, they have to neutralize threats to their status. Sometimes, there is no threat to their status, but they have to make themselves secure in their status. A way of doing this is bullying individuals who are either considered lower, higher, or equal than their social rank. In the instance that another individual has a lower social rank, it is often because they feel insecure about their own social position, so they bully that individual to raise their status. Normal users will approve of this, and it will raise their status in the hierarchy. In the instance that this person is equal, the reason is likely that that person shows a potential threat to their status. In this case, they resort to gossiping and spreading rumors. If the person has a higher status, they seek to find means of decreasing this person's status. Again, they will use gossiping and rumors, but the more the person exceeds their status, the more indirect and subtle they have to be in order to avoid harming their own status. Sometimes, they are opportunistic, and wait for the higher status party to make a slip-up, either socially or in some other context, and when this happens, they show their fangs. Generally, a constant power struggle takes place in a normal users world. /2

>>80458 Then, this leads to the question: What leads a person to become a normal user? (Part of this this addresses the last point of your post: how does a person detached in this way "escape"?) I think that there are several possibilities to this. First, a person may be a non-normal user completely innately. They were born disconnected from this social framework, and they never experienced attachment to it. They never experienced connection to the herd mind, and as a result of it, never became integrated with the hierarchy, further disconnecting them from it. The second possibility is that they experienced some innate traits of non-normalglitterboyry (they were not pure non-normal users) but still experienced the desire to become accepted to a social group; these innate traits led them to be rejected or were never able to find success, thus becoming bitter and hateful of normal users. Others found acceptance in this quickly if these non-normal user traits were stronger. Another outcome of this circumstance is where the person never fully accepts this an becomes a failed normal user. They perpetually seek to be validated by the social hierarchy structure instead of disregarding it, which is why they are still considered normal users. Some find themselves obsessed with "Chads" and "Stacies," which is further evidence of connection to the hierarchy structure. Some dismiss those who have accepted their fate as "coping," because they can not understand ideas that go against the social grain. Failed normal users internalize social norms and think that not following them lessens their value as a person. They also internalize these ideas as true. I think non-normal users can have negative feelings about exclusion and rejection, sometimes wishing that they were normal users, but again, as I have mentioned, they are able to see outside of these feelings, and they view them from a perspective disconnected from the social framework. Another (strongly) important trait of a true failed normal users is doing things like bullying those of lower status then them. (Usually those types have an "innate" trait, and they will go on to become actual normal users.) They will whine and whine about their own status, but they wouldn't hesistate to put down someone in a similar spot to them for a sliver of female attention or an opportunity to be accepted to a social group. However, if a failed normal user, in this instance, learns to accept their circumstances, fully detaching themselves through this social framework through willpower, logic, and introspection, and is still a KHHV, then they may ascend to non-normalglitterboyry. Another possibility is that a person had no innate non-normal user traits but became a non-normal user because of severe social isolation or highly unusual life circumstances (often severe), which caused them to become detached from this social framework, which either lead them to desire being accepted either more; usually, they accept their circumstances or become a failed normal user. The final thing I will mention is that all normal users are born with something innate that some, but not all, failed normal users have. This factor denotes which failed normal users will become full-fledged normal users. But, most of the time, luck is a major component in this. There's many more possibilities than this here, but it's some of the gist of what leads for some to become normal users and some to not. I don't know where I stand in all of this. By the common imageboard user's perspective of failed normal user, I likely meet that definition. But by my own definition, I don't fully know. In my opinion, the strongest part of failed normalglitterboyry is taking part in those same retarded social behaviors while also demeaning others in similar circumstances to raise their own status. I guess the part I struggle with, in my own definition, is being able to accept my circumstances (not as in not take action but mental acceptance, letting myself be at peace). >>80456 The point of cliques are exclusivity. You have to know who someone else is to be able to exclude them. Imageboards are free game because anyone can participate in them. Nothing is preventing them from posting. I take their word equally as I would a """real" lainon"" as you describe it. There are no upvotes preventing your post from being seen. You have no identity nor post history giving your posts any value over another lainons. The only reason I have problems with them is because they come here to impose their arbitrary nonsense onto others and judge and put people down who are at their lowest point because those people don't meet their standards. They are uncomfortable that their norms aren't being met. Are you mad because you feel excluded? It wasn't my intention to exclude others. Please cease projecting. Sorry for the massively long read. I didn't realize it'd end up taking three whole posts. God damn. /3 (end)

>>80457 >Again, you're simply skewing what I said. Just because I didn't quote you verbatim doesn't mean that you shouldn't stop with the bad behavior.

>>80459 >You have no identity nor post history giving your posts any value over another lainons The content of the posts is what makes someone "out" or "in". The writing style or general ideas become associated with personalities in the poster's mind; amorphous egregores made up of ideology or common sentiments rather than personal substance. It's nice to think imageboards are some kind of anonymous utopia where we surpass the limits of mere socialization, but we really don't. >Are you mad because you feel excluded? I'm pointing out some things that I have observed, because I think they're interesting.

>>80459 >>80458 >>80457 Okay dude what the hell

I'm not sure how one might succeed in trying to justify their life online. Words will ultimately fail you. But when you try and walk away you will lose some sense of self. It's probably worth it.

>>80463 >The content of the posts is what makes someone "out" or "in". I think this is true. >The writing style or general ideas become associated with personalities in the poster's mind; amorphous egregores made up of ideology or common sentiments rather than personal substance. I think this is accurate. It particularly reminds me of all of images that'd float around on 4chan years ago that describe different sub-types of of imageboard posters. However, it's still possible to alter this easily. You can change your writing style. You could make your own imageboard. In real life, cliques become set by who's there first. That doesn't have to be the case on imageboards. Surely, there's the idea of "old users," but you genuinely can't prove who is and who isn't. Writing style is fickle because it can be altered so easily. "Lurk moar" is simple. Another thing that happens in real life cliques versus perceived imageboard subsets of individuals is that within irl cliques, individuals have bonds and shared memories created over a long span of time. Although you may make assumptions based on a writing style, there's still no overarching bond or memories with that specific individual. >I'm pointing out some things that I have observed, because I think they're interesting. I'll buy it. >It's nice to think imageboards are some kind of anonymous utopia where we surpass the limits of mere socialization, but we really don't. Even so, it doesn't have as big of an impact as it does in real life.

>>80465 lainchan discussion is not a mental fast food. it's like a german black bread: healthy, almost tasty, and takes a certain taste or habit to eat on the regular

>>80473 That reads more like a puke of an asperger, who retained for too long. If those walls of text at least started with a sentence that gave a slightest hint on the subject, all right, but as it is, those three posts are just meaningless streams of consciousness, and even if they contain some truth to them, they do nothing to show it. You're right that it's not fast food. And you're right that it requires a lot of training to learn pushing that down your throat.

>>80473 writing too much is a sign of weak, rambling thought. Good writing will condense what needs to be. Almost nothing here needs to be elaborated on this much

>>80476 wrong. good writing is not limited to volume, but to the way in which the information is provided. good writing is sequential, structured and consistent. it lays out thought after thought in blocks of information that accumulate until the subject is fully explained. no aspie is ever going to bother with in on an imageboard. some old geeks really do this kind of a good writing about their otaku hobbies, though.

My fuarrrking neighbor smells so bad and the smell is seeping through two doors into my apartment and it's driving me insane

>>80474 >If those walls of text at least started with a sentence that gave a slightest hint on the subject, all right, but as it is, those three posts are just meaningless streams of consciousness Did you even skim them well enough to know that each paragraph has a topic sentence, and each subject leads into the other, developing on an overall idea? Every paragraph is connected to the next, and the fundamental basis for each paragraph is stated in the first paragraph.

>>80459 i sleep >>80478 real soykaf

>>80478 I'd say to kill him but is it possible he's already dead?

I'm almost 30. The last 10 years passed by so fast. I know there might be a lot to live, but it feels like my life is coming to an end, I won't have much time to do anything. Besides, sometimes it feels I'm still 17, and there is this dissonance of perceiving the falsity of a self-image that is long past. I keep remembering things and feeling deep nostalgia, even from my infancy. It feels like I'm watching the final episode of a series, where they remind the viewer of the main points of the story. Maybe I'm just aware of my mortality and the brevity of my life.

The reason I have my Thinkpad is because I gave someone in need my beloved Asus, so I needed a laptop for uni. I went to the pawn shop, found the cheapest laptop that would be capable of running a web browser today and would support Linux, and I ended up with an old Thinkpad. All of a sudden, they are all trendy for some reason. I know they were always a highly recommended laptop, but most of these people don't even know why they are good, it's just a 'meme' at this point. Now I get a lot of comments on my 'epic hacker laptop' which irritate me. Most of these students have expensive gaming laptops or Macbooks their parents paid for, while I'm here with a laptop that has chunks off the casing, constantly bottlenecked at 100% CPU use, and randomly loses network connection. It is not a fashion choice, I wish I had a better laptop, but I was fixated on saving my money when I bought it two years ago. I was right to as well, me and my family were squeezed financially until we hit a bad patch one month, and I had to bail us out with my savings. Does any one of my 'peers' understand anything about this though? No. They are sheltered metropolitan morons, who spend all their money on whatever whim they have, anime statues, graphics cards, twenty dollar drinks and eating out every day, while I subsist on basic bread for brunch though it gives me stomach issues. The laptop thing irritates me, but maybe it's not the laptop itself, it's that I'm very aware that I'm surrounded by rich metro kids who don't come from areas with bad reputations, I am still an 'outsider'. Also, what excuse does any first-year computer science student have for not understanding the most basic usage of the computer? Why would somebody who cannot read an error dialog or understand file extensions, ever choose to do computing? So much for their thousands of dollars worth computer that they cannot use properly. They have no excuse, they had much more opportunity than I did.

>>80509 I wish Luke Smith never happened. I've seen a lot of people IRL having /g/-style takes without really appreciating or understanding where they came from. A lot of them are out-of-date and no longer applicable. Him and Mental Outlaw really popularized this soykaf to a big extent. I met this guy in college who had a Thinkpad, who watched a lot of Luke Smith. It took a billion years to boot up, and it was slow as tits. I don't know why'd you gimp your self like that. Thinkpads are fuarrrking overpriced boat anchors, nowadays, and Dell Latitudes beat their value by a long shot. Well, I guess it means more for me, then. But that's something else that bothers me in a lot of tech communities, especially online, is that they're full of spoiled yuppies who have the latest and greatest and expect everyone else to have the same. They wage slave you overpriced crap. Can't save money, or else you're a "poor user" or some other equivalent term. Years ago, I recall, that it was not always like that, and a lot of things were focused on affordable workarounds. The wastefulness nowadays is disgusting. There's an entire lack of appreciation for the value of a dollar.

im doing fine today. not much to say. i just relax and let my mind wonder about different things. very good. i like helping those that feel oppressed and hard-pressed. whatever your faith and personal convictions are they are irreverent to me as long you are nice and respectful. my intelligence may be weak but my love for my fellow man/woman/others is strong. i hope for miracles out of nowhere for those reading this. no matter you faith,creed or self-expression i wish everybody to live a good life as they see fit. those that are corrupt are facing the consequences for there misdeeds and im glad for it. i gave a homeless man 300 dollars because i was bored. he looked into my eyes and said god bless you. so yeah thats pretty much it.

>>80526 Yeah, while I appreciate Luke Smith trying to make it easier for people to make servers to do things, he irritates me. I think it's his gross usage of meme and lingo, and pushing his opinions like a typical tech guy. My Thinkpad isn't bad performance wise, it boots quickly and browses the web competently. It's when we need to use these massive sluggish web apps that have zero optimization. Especially looking at fuarrrking MATLAB which is single-handedly destroyed by being awfully slow even though it's just an interactive programming environment. Just to check my I have to run hundreds of Outlook's JavaScript files, and they disallowed using mail clients. It really relates to what you said about latest and greatest, how thoughtless they are with resource considerations. This laptop is very capable to keep going on, but they've made it not fine for no good reason. Speaking of which, I just found out 3G is shutting down so I'll need to replace my phone. I'm pissed of course, for all my willingness to get by with what I've got they're going to actually force me to buy a phone when I have a perfectly working one.

I need to find new meds neuroleptics because old ones cause minor liver problems and some other side-effects. The problem is that most meds that I have tried are horrible. I think I may ask my doc about Sulpiride or Amisulpiride, despite both of them sometimes causing elevated prolactin or prolonged qt interval. Otherwise, I have heard that they might be more effective than some other meds and honestly a lot of other neuroleptics also cause the same issues. I'm tired of feeling so tired and slow! I would like to study chemistry... Also, this is random but I also found out today that you can use vinegar as clothing conditioner!

https://boards.4chan.org/x/thread/37859555 I make threads about numerology, and I post in this thread made by someone else about numerology. And yet rarely if ever does anyone respond to me. It's so weird, as though it's all just an illusion that is made for me. An energetic gradient is detected, or it figures out what bait works, and then it creates something where I'll see it in order to mine my mind and memories further. Hoping I'll react to it or give further commentary. My mother had a coloring book on her table that I stopped and looked at, later some bot-thing made a thread asking what people thought about adult coloring books. I wrote something about tabula rasa and saw it on my screen, it registered in mind. Someone makes a post including the phrase tabula rasa right after. This happens commonly. I've been observing this phenomena for several years now, a lifetime actually, but only directly in more recent times. I have a lot of ideas about it but it makes me wonder. There are so many aspects to it that I can't combine them into one single coherent model, it's too complex. Like the mandela effect, they can alter reality but not our memories. They have to alter our minds through the physical body and maybe some more direct means, but you can fight it off.

>>80552 It's just not that interesting, anon. Numerology is only interesting to most people when its in conjunction with other things. It's funny that you think its a conspiracy that you're just not that interesting, in comparison to other people's posts.

lain is such a tragic character and show. i wish we weren't all so hurt, friends

>>80556 People who are making numerology threads should have the psychological architecture and traits where they've already begun expanding to a generalized and "structural" standpoint. It's all relevant. they would realize that.

I'm a dead end. Therapy and medication don't help, I'm constantly miserable, and no one understands me, yet the fact that I want to stop existing is somehow seen as a bad thing by anyone who finds out. What reason do I have to carry on? Anything I accomplish or amount to would only be for my own sake, and frankly, I've tried to be conventionally successful in various ways, but it never sticks. No woman wants me despite efforts to "put myself out there" and reach out where there's a chance at compatibility, only to find myself supremely bored with the absolute mundanity of most nearly everyone I've met of the supposedly fairer sex. I have no hobbies or interests, and spend my free time passively existing with no discernable goal in sight. The people I'm supposed to be close with in my life always feel at arm's length away, which only makes me feel more selfish and unpleasable. I would've already killed myself, but I just have no resolve whatsoever. So how's that for a /vent/

>>80576 fuarrrk off short, concise, simple, no argument implied. definitely a sing of a good wit honestly go preach about platitudes elsewhere no good short proverb is worth anything without a proper explanation behind it, which may be short, but not necessarily

fuarrrk THEY ARE MANY ARE THEY [B]THE SAME[/B] HOLY SHIT I WAS SO DELUSIONAL GOD SAINT YOUR HOLY PROVIDENCE PLEASE I DONT WANT TO BE THIS DELUSIONAL ANYMORE EVER IN MY LIFE ALL THIS TIME AND THEY ARE ALL A fuarrrkING BUNCH AND I THOUGHT I FOUND A KINDRED SOUL don't be autists all others who pretend to suffer are a bunch of bunches you'll remain alien ever among them oh fuarrrk that hits hard

>>80581 >>80584 What ever happened to balance? In some instances, it is necessary to elaborate thoroughly, but in others, it's important to keep it concise. It depends on the context and what is being spoken about.

There isn't any place on the internet where people aren't arguing about something. It appears that the websites themselves are structured in such a way as to anger people and make them argue nonstop, engage them through anger, anxiety, etc. I open the browser only to upset myself.

>>80606 There isn't a place on Earth where people aren't arguing about something. It appears that the world itself is structured in such a way as to anger people and make them argue nonstop, engage them through anger, anxiety, etc. I open my eyes every morning only to upset myself. Honestly what would we speak about if we couldn't argue?

>>80604 it depends on the audience. Smart need a hint, dumb need a guide.

>>80607 Recently I prefer to shut up if the only thing I can do is argue about something.

>>80610 Roughly the same. I go through phases of assaulting random persons on internet for basically no reason and of deep despair where I don't see point in talking at all. By the way talking to you is pointless as well, we'll never make it to a pleasant discussion, so I guess just fuarrrk off with your I-can't-find-a-friend problems. Your shutting the fuarrrk up thing you do is a very good and promising thing, keep doing that. Gonna do you much more good than /vent/ing. You're not finding worthwhile people here.

>You Are the Average of the Five People You Spend the Most Time With I want to seek out better people to help me get better too, but wouldn't that also mean that I will drag those very people down? That doesn't seem like morally permissible thing to do. *I want to join a band, but I don't want to ruin it by having bad player such is myself. *I want to play some DnD or LARP, but I am afraid of ruining the experience for others by being munchkin. *I want to get gf, but I wouldn't wish anyone to date retard such is myself. *I want to get better job, but I feel like scammer when asking someone to pay me for my underdeveloped skills. I rationally realize this way of thinking is likely missing something, but emotionally, I can't get rid of it.

>>80612 Stop measuring people and your dilemma ends.

>>80613 That would be just ignoring (certain parts of) reality, though.

>>80612 >I rationally realize this way of thinking is likely missing something, but emotionally, I can't get rid of it. No this is good way of thinking, if you're a nuisance the best thing you can do is to not force yourself on others. Somebody has to carry the lot of a looser. Well technically what you need to do is to figure out how to stop being a nuisance and then you can do what you want. Start playing better, learn artistry, etc. Of course you're never gonna do that because who cares. That's the little dilemma. You can't progress if there are no reasons and if you don't progress the reasons do not care about you. Either try you hardest, or if you mentally can't do that you only can do what I do, that is just wait until some miracle happens and you're back into the positive feedback loop again.

>>80609 True. But it's not just about smart/dumb but it's their level of background knowledge, too. It wouldn't seem wise to lecture a group of engineers on PhD level anthropology knowledge. >>80615 >Either try you hardest, or if you mentally can't do that you only can do what I do, that is just wait until some miracle happens and you're back into the positive feedback loop again. If you simply just wait, then it is most likely that nothing will change. You have to be the driver of change. You have to make things happen.

>>80607 IME, people are much more willing to put aside their differences and get along in person.

>>80631 crazy artists are the best, become legend. >>80617 there is a video of dogs barking madly at each other divided by a fence, when the fence is removed they stop. Everyone talks soykaf here cause its save while irl people avoid conflict out of fear from consequences.

Got away from the internet for literally one day, instant improvement. Turn a computer on, the desktop. Overstimulating. The youtube page, 10 billion things vying for your attention, overstimulating and degrading. Check 4chanx thread watcher, catalog, tons of things vying for your attention, extreme variety, overstimulating. It's bad. It's all bad. There is no good way to neurologically restructure to filter or make it good, you're just tricking yourself. Some people do something like subscribing to RSS feeds to manage their inputs, I get it. Shit is just plain bad bad bad on every level.

>>80694 Yep, that's basically where I'm at. I just want less opaque stimuli, and less to no bombardment with stuff literally designed to divide the mind and do repetition based perception and behavior modification, bullshit vying for attention. Just done with all of it. The slot machine life and garbage Matrix world. It's draining me for no benefit. Like I have all these fuarrrking tabs open. It always becomes disorganized. Why? Because I can't organize what I'm doing. I can't do one thing at a time, nor can I switch between things. So I have soykaf I opened weeks to months ago that I just never went back and went through proper. It's fuarrrking retarded. The browser clutter alone fills me with anxiety, fatigue, shame, and sheer disgust. It is a monument to my failure. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5VzLfJJPFQ

>>80694 for someine who disdains negativity, you seem quite cynical yourself. my primary form of socialization growing up was imageboards, and i heavily disagree with your statement of how harmful it is to a person's perception. the nicest people I've met came from r9k, along with some excellent contenders for most deceiving. and I'm far from a basement dwelling hikki. i guess i felt a bit attacked, so there's that lol

>>80667 When used as a tool, e.g. to find information, the world wide web is good. But I have to agree. "the internet", meaning all forms of social media, YouTube and its competitors, reddit and its competitors, all imgeboards, all forums... It's all irredeemably bad. The one or two diamonds floating around in the sea of soykaf don't make up for the time wasted consooming all the soykaf. I hate myself for not being able to stop and I hate society and many of the people closest to me for treating me like a loser and a weirdo for even wanting to.

>>80694 > This is awful, letting yourself waste away, lurking imageboards, stewing in your own pity. I want to go outside and talk to people and smile and laugh. Perhaps social niceties aren't a bad thing, after all. I'm struggling to put it into words, but there's this wide over-arching theme, and it extends to the internet as a whole. Sounds like a simplified idea of the life you imagine you could have vs your current life and what the problems with it are. Which ironically also supports your point a little; the idea of the tangible measures of your value justifying anon's self pity is from imageboard negativity. But if you abruptly changed your life to remove computing from it, I don't think it's likely that would really solve your problems, things aren't ever that simple.

>>80667 cutting down internet interaction to checking a couple of invidious pages with an rss reader (or not even that to really strip down what you want to see), IRC, email, and maybe a couple of threads on some imageboards and forums maxes my computer usage to maybe 90 minutes a day. It's really nice.

>>80739 >When used as a tool, e.g. to find information, the world wide web is good. This has been gimped to the point of unusability. If I was trying to do the type of research I did 10 years ago today, it wouldn't be possible. Pubmed, sciencedirect, google, duckduckgo (always been garbage), startpage, yandex, whatever. It's all been gimped. Forums? Full of dumb people that act like bots. I don't know man. I feel like everyone else left the matrix and I got left behind.

>>80735 >my primary form of socialization growing up was imageboards, and i heavily disagree with your statement of how harmful it is to a person's perception. Can you really say that if you have no alternative point of view? It was not an attack on you, but it was being upset with the dynamic as a whole. A lot of people often have no where else to go. That disdain for negativity, contradictorally, came from seeing the qualms of my own worldview. I've had some great experiences with imageboard users, but I never really feel like I can trust them fully just due to what imageboards are associated with. I've also had my fair share of negative experiences. I try not to associate with them any longer due to fear of becoming someone's next lolcow or having these fuarrrkers try to come after you in some other way. >>80740 I agree with you that it is not that simple, but that wasn't I was getting at - not that it would solve all problems. The gist of what I was saying was that it is unhealthy and unnatural and the alternative was far superior although not perfect.

I'm really bad at emotional thinking, but above average in logical thinking. I try not to combine both when working on things that personally interest me, but I still feel like my knowledge and wisdom amounts to very little. I struggle to apply it in a way that I deem satisfactory, and it's leaving me in a limbo of being nothing more than book smart while those well rounded in both continue to surpass me. Maybe math and physics really are my strong suit rather than computing and programming. Maybe this is just me maturing. Or maybe I need to stop comparing myself so much. Ramble ramble...

I'm bored out of my mind, but too tired and distressed for no reason, that I can't actually do anything. Talk to me of your problems with you gf that doesn't want to have sex with you. I'm locked up in a half broken body that is constantly too this or too that to do something fulfilling and I only can watch and be pained. Sometimes I unironically think I live in someone's else head, except I know I don't. It's like I'm dressed in this body but just got one sleeve wrong.

>>80753 i would give you a hug

>>80752 Muh lawjik is basically a conditioned trick, a trap. I essentially destroyed the conscious mind and ran on intuition and unconscious prompts with very little conscious iimposition, linear or deductive reasoning, etc, for years upon years. And guess what? Nothing happened. I didn't die, the world didn't implode or turn to dust in my hands. Nope. Doesn't matter. Your unconscious mind is doing most of the work all the time anyway. 95% of "logical thought" is the equivalent of masturbation. It takes your something and turns it into nothing, sending something to nowhere, and amounting to nothing. They don't want you to know this because the fear of being stupid and going outside the lines is what caps your potential and keeps you, again, in line. Within the lines. Pretty weird dude lemme tell ya but if I told you anything that would be it. It's a hard habit to break. I actually had to do the inverse of what you're attempting, I had to resurrect and rebuild the conscious mind and the4 executive functions that I did actually need. But fact is, people who are hypnotized, or somnambulists, cna perform incredible feats that they would be incapable of while awake. The reason for this is that the conscious mind in most cases amounts to a governor, a reducing valve, a limiter. It simply gets in the way, inhibits, and limits you. It's an obstacle, a useless and needy thing that won't shut the fuarrrk up and leave well enough alone. We like to think of it as a coordinator, or a rational modulator, but in modern societies it oversteps its bounds and net it all out isn't even doing its job right to begin with. There's hyp[notic and repetitive stimuli everywhere and most people just sponge it up cuz "muh lojik" doesn't actually do soykaf and ends up passing external commands right through to the unconscious mind, essentially unchanged. It really is a garbage design as far as I'm concerned, but oh well. Sounds like part of you has already begun to suspect that.

>>80754 Thank you I'm not gay unfortunately.

>>80748 >but that wasn't I was getting at - not that it would solve all problems. The gist of what I was saying was that it is unhealthy and unnatural and the alternative was far superior Right, I get that, I guess what I'm trying to say is I think this grass touching narrative you're referring to is too convenient and probably misses the mark somewhat. Though fwiw I do think imageboard culture (and internet culture in general too honestly) has a lot of projected self loathing and I've personally quit posting on 4chan some time ago. But that's my criticism; an idea of the form, the way you spend your time is pathetic, look at this remote ideal lifestyle that is of course (if only because to deny it would come off as being defensive) way better, you suck for not taking the simple steps to conform to it - that's contrived putdown reasoning. It isn't about honestly examining problems and solutions, it's negging, it's rationalization of a shared negative self view. Which isn't to say that's what you are doing, but I think it's what this meme is infected with, and where its authority comes from. Like, when you say >stewing in your own pity. I want to go outside and talk to people and smile and laugh. Perhaps social niceties aren't a bad thing, after all Is the perspective of social niceties being a bad thing actually a real one, or mainly a strawman? Is the smiling laughing outdoor friend-haver real either? Or is their presumed existence part of what the self pity is built of? Maybe the real core problem here is the worldview one, and that worldview defends itself by presenting alternatives to itself that are self-defeating. I think a better approach to that problem could be seeking out and putting effort into developing different ways of thinking. Which doesn't have to mean hiding from the internet (which could deprive others of whatever you gain), just rejecting its cultural authority and narratives and engaging with fresh material that isn't the stuff you're sick of. Lots of good ideas in books, and if you can find them, communicating with people who are less infected. Also, love yourself directly, you don't need accomplishments to justify it.

>>80755 I disagree that "logical thought" is masturbation. You are correct that you can just run off intuition, but this is because our brains are intuitively able to understand logic without explicitly, consciously thinking about it. In fact, I would say that one of the functions of the brain is that it is the sense organ for truth.

I want to fuarrrk the chicken boy I don't even know what I expect to achieve by spamming this all over the internet, maybe I am hoping that the universe wi hear me and grant my wish? I think it's extremely unlikely for that to happen. Am I just trying to get it out of my system, somehow? Maybe I just like the sound of it: i want to fuarrrk the chicken boy, maybe I should make a sigil for it, and who knows, maybe my wish wil be granted. I could eat a chicken right now.

>>80790 >coom These -oom suffix stuff need to go away. I hate how people online talk like a pigeon that bashed it's brains out on a window.

>>80815 I was originally going to write: the human body is designed to punish you for fap / secks without coom but decided I needed to have some standards. Not going to go into the brainwashing / behavior modification aspects. Had this thing begin looping my mind earlier regarding my reply to some youtube comments. And how whenever I respond I already know they'll never respond to me again because I am quasi-autistic, so it forms this feedback loop where I actually decrease any attempts to meet them within some kind of common subset for communication. And I just focus on leaving a record of what I want to be there to be read, with no regard for the human aspect in anything. I already know they're not going to respond to my replies anyway, here there and everywhere, so I just do whatever I want. Yet on some level a bit of resentment seeps in, I say even more because I want it to be subtle but nonetheless apparent that I reject them completely. You could say preemptively. They don't get to leave me hanging, I have already rejected them and thensome. It filters out anyone that is not basically me.

>>80814 update: what's with all the other boys, now, shall I make a case for each one of them? I can stop spamming chicken, hopefully that cycle's closed. I wonder what happens next time. I am enjoying this, I hope I don't get addicted again.

holy soykaf I am so fuarrrking sick of dumb fuarrrks making so much damned noise with their yapper flaps. shut the fuarrrk up and think for a few more decades before making such confident statements you fool scum. I intentionally restrain myself from saying this sort of thing to you irl or online, because I want to deprive you of spiteful inspiration to improve. stay just where you are, where you belong. rot.

>>80825 Here we have the typical Daria fan

>>80748 >>80694 in the past, not all imageboards were full of negativity.

I'm morally conflicted. My last resort is military work in tech, but I don't want to make a good salary off the continuation of the state's evil. But unless I'd like to spend time on a technical degree or certification, I'm losing time. In theory I could slack off and do as little as possible until they fire me, I'd appreciate even a few thousand extra and the ability to say I worked with the state in software. Plus I'd have a clearance. But the guilt would probably haunt me to my grave, using my skills that can in theory break into any digital system to kill for america...

>>80841 sux2suk I guess. Military work is fun

I'm facing a dilemma. Most small comfy sites are targeted towards certain sorts of people. Some to neets, some to anime fans, some to whatnot. But I'm no one and do not fit any "subculture" at all. I do not have any single defining hobby or knowledge, so I am not morally allowed on any of those sites. Even on lainchan, I am not morally allowed to post, because I couldn't finish, much less understand LAIN. General purpose sites are often big and retarded. If not, they're small and retarded. Finally, the rest are dead. This concludes that I can not have a place on imageboards. From pov of pure calculus, I must be a normal user. But for some reason I'm not. I used to try chats/discords regularly and failed so hard I literally could hear that hollow thud of my social status hitting the floor. Here's my dilemma. I can't have real life. I can't have imageboards life. I can't have life anywhere else at all. Oh the other side, my brain forces me to want to post badly. The hardest part is I can't find somebody who'd teach me to unlearn want of human interaction, because such people don't use internet. I wish I could live somewhere in forest hunting rabbits and eating grass.

>>80864 mootxi.co is pretty agnostic

>>80867 redirects to ebay if trying to check new posts from phone. also it's pretty retarded. actually my dilemma is very simple at it's core i need to kill myself but can't rationalize it properly, so take no action towards. nothing will keep me from whining around except death or a good beating. sad to bee this hopeless, but somehow don't care anymore

>>80890 Not even remotely close of a guess. Chances are Im older than you so by your logic I have the authority due to my superior older brain. No, what actually is going on is additional limits get placed on people the younger they are and these limits prevent them using their full current capacity and reaching full potential. A lot of people do not even interact with someone from a different group enough to actually properly assess them and in many cases use improper systems of measure as grounds for their conclusions.