I hate seeing the disparity between what I know I'm capable of and what I'm actually able to do.

I've got a degree in engineering. I love engineering, programming, electronics, CAD and physical prototype design. I love identifying problems and figuring out requirements and designing something to solve it. I know I'm really good at it, but I can only really perform what feels like 20% of the time. I'll get into some hyper focus for some problem, learn some complex technology, solve the problem, then not be able to look at tech for weeks. This is cool for hobby stuff but man I gotta work too. I find it nearly impossible to work on things which I don't find personally interesting which isn't good because most "work" isn't interesting whatsoever. I envy people who are able to just go "ah time to do this boring thing" and they just fuarrrking do it. It genuinely feels impossible to just start. I'm medicated for ADHD but it feels like it only works like 20-30% of the time. The rest of the time my eyes just lose focus and I stare blankly at a screen waiting for hours to pass. I don't know how to make this work for me either. I know theoretically I could be a prototype engineer, the type of freelance generalist who gets an idea out and disappears but I don't know how to network sufficiently enough to do that. I've got a good job right now, but COL is so high and full remote isn't possible so I'll always be living in a small apartment or be in so much debt I'll never be able to retire. I want to do more hardware stuff but that's so rarely a remote type job and offices just hurt my soul with how uncomfortable I am all day long. I could probably make a living as a software engineer but I don't know if I'd be able to keep up any kind of pace long term that would let me keep my job. I almost want to take a stab at doing youtube videos and see if I can make a handful of neat projects that get me a sponsor. enough to score a house in a rundown rustbelt town and be able to fuarrrk off and work at my own pace without the impending doom of rent or mortgage staring me down. I drink plenty of water, jog when its warm, use a pomodoro timer when I remember. I learned the fundamentals of Rust in a weekend, designed and manufactured a run of PCBs in under 3 months. I just can't keep that momentum going, even if I try to slow down. thanks for letting me rant. >flood detection

>>77429 I saw your post on hexbear

You can medicate adhd for manual labor but its bad for mental problem solving. Getting tunnelvisioned by meds doesnt work when your task is finding the right road to travel. This consideration is part of the medical literature so you can look it up.

>>77444 This holy soykaf. I self-medicated with purified amphetamine sulphate daily for 4 months. After a month, it stopped working for the disorder and soley only worked on my execute function alone. >What? My brain still couldn't differentiate between most/least important tasks. I just did and focused on the first thing that popped into my head for the whole day and they were fun tasks like creating music and playing video games instead of university assignments, I found the usual stuff boring even while high I'm off hard-stims now and self-medicate with a more gentle approach >Semax >2 cans of Monster >nicotine pouch

>>77429 >Pomodoro when I remember You are already on the right path fellow ADHDanon. If Pomodoro helps and you're just not doing it consistently, leave sticky notes in places you'll notice before you get distracted to remind you to do that, and maybe one or two other important things you forget. Get a physical timer instead of using the one on your phone and leave it in your work area where you'll see it. Use it even (ESPECIALLY) when you think you can work without it; not doing this undermines the habit formation process. Ask me how I know. After you get to the point where Pomodoro is just a normal part of your workflow consider looking into meditation, IME it's like defragging your brain when you find a meditation that suits you. Beginner meditations only take 5-10 minutes so they're pretty easy to try out. You might like the ones that use singing bowls or bells since it's easier to focus on a sound than your breathing.

You say you can only perform at the maximum for 20% of the time? Per day, that's 4.8 hours. That's almost 5 hours a day. That's a good pace which also leaves enough time for you to fill in with other stuff. And staring at the walls is actually what the Zen Masters do for decades before reaching their state of enlightenment.

>>77429 >I'm medicated for ADHD but it feels like it only works like 20-30% of the time. The rest of the time my eyes just lose focus and I stare blankly at a screen waiting for hours to pass. A lot of the most creative people out there struggle deeply with these boring work environments. You can try to force yourself through it, but honestly, why fight your nature? You need an environment that supports how you're actually designed, not a machine that tries to constantly saw off your edges and fit you into a box.