floating through nothingless

My life feels so surreal. The last 10 years, ever since finishing high school, I haven't had any relationships of any kind. Not even online friends. I went to college but just silently visited lectures and never talked to anyone outside of forced group work where I kept it ontopic. I went to the cafeteria to eat alone. I also didn't get far in my degree despite spending years because I didn't really care for it, didn't have any clear goal since I had no real desire for money at that time and I am not smart. With no friends it's easy to fall behind since no one is checking up on you like in school and it's all about the final exam. In my "free" time I just aimlessly browsed the net without diving deep into any topic because my instant gratifiction addiction made it very difficult to focus. Now I'm 32 with no job experience, no social experience and no skills. I just feel empty. I don't even think I have social anxiety anymore: I just have nothing to talk about. I can't even talk to nerds online because I don't watch anime/tv/movies or play video games. I actually do have interests but I feel unable to dive deep into any of them so I only have the most surface level knowledge. I feel like this unnatural product of the internet and the social safety net. I ironically am attracted to the idea of free will and agency while just floating aimlessly through life. I pride myself in my self-awareness while not actually using it to course-correct my behavior and instead tell myself lies to feel comfortable and procrastinate putting in effort. I have no clue what to do since I don't even know what I can do or what I actually care about since I never tested myself and always gave up fast and didn't dive deep into any topic. Is there anyone like this?

>>76575 I'm almost in similar position as you. I have had zero friends since 7th or 8th grade. Even if I magically got 1 friend, I don't know what I would talk about. I have wasted most of my 20s by aimlessly browsing the web. I feel total apathy most of the time. I feel like shallow husk. At this point, I feel that the only thing that keeps me from committing sudoku is my parents/family., I feel that my life will get only worse from here. I'm also weak both mentally and physically. I have basically let my body rot physically, I'm fat and I'm mentally ill (I have schizophrenia). But perhaps my next lifetime will be more meaningful? I don't know...

>>76575 I have no idea how you could possibly support yourself. I'm guessing you live with your parents? The only advice I can give you is to just do something. You spent the last 32 years doing nothing and that has got you nowhere. So even doing something that you hate is better then not doing something you hate. Also you are not the main character or special. That self-awareness you pride yourself on having is something everyone has so you've deluded yourself into thinking your hot soykaf when you're really a bit of a cosmic joke. Honestly the best thing for you would be for you to beg whoever is keeping you off the street to take away your access to the internet and force you to get a job. It wont be great but once you've wasted almost half of your life doing nothing you can't really choose to start at a great position.

>>76575 I'm the exact same >>76589 There's nothing I can do. The thing you proposed isn't helpful at all either. I yearn for death.

For the past decade I've been totally paralyzed Nobody taught me how to live. Nobody taught me how to survive on my own. How to get a job How to pay taxes. How to drive. I don't know amything. I have zero capacity to understand the world at all. I just want a normal life so bad. I want a girlfriend. I want to go on a date. I want my own place. I've wanted this for 10 years but I just can't figure out anyway to even start. I feel like a victim of neglect. Ever since I was born I was just shoved in a corner and ignored forever. I never had parents or friends or siblings or roommates. Im a total dependent yes but all the people in my life were just my owner. They never ever were personal to me in the way you're meant to be. They just owned me. I have never had any control over my life. I just want a 2nd chance so bad I have hated my entire life forever but I'm powerless to change it There's nowhere to run Now I'm old There's no future No girl could ever want me I have no memories I have nothing remotely positive in my life. I want to be dead.

I'm sympathetic to your suffering. If you, OP, or anyone else ITT wants an innanet fren, you can add me on discord (avsn33d). >>77003 >I've wanted this for 10 years but I just can't figure out anyway to even start. Go to Japan and get a cute wife, anon.

>>77054 >Go to Japan You clearly overestimate this poster ability to have the means and will to do that. And your advice sound hollow anyway

I'm so alone I wish I was never born

>>77054 >Go to Japan and get a cute wife actually you have to get a japanese wife first to stay in japan unless you find a way to marry someone in the 90 day time span you get as a tourist lol ( i want to kill myself )

>>77104 or you could potentially find work in Japan. All of ya in this thread can break out of your funk, it won't be easy but you guys can do it! I hope you do.

I need help i need help i need help I don't know what to do I don't know what to do I'm so fuarrrking lonely. There's nowhere to go.....I can't start my life. I can't do anything.

> I actually do have interests but I feel unable to dive deep into any of them so I only have the most surface level knowledge. Well. What are they? I'm awfully curious about my fellow lainons. Doesn't matter if it's just surface level.

Is there some way I can wipe my memories and destroy my personality and mkultra myself to be someone else

Stop the panic it's getting on my nerves. If OP chose the life of a pet dog then he can live it. Do you remember your dog sleeping so comfortably without a care in the world, didn't you wish to be like him? Bet OP thought it couldn't actually happen but he's worked towards achieving such a life and succeeded. It's an animal's life.

>>77002 >>77003 >>77103 >>77108 >>77112 Who is this? Because this is clearly not OP. It has to be some depressed AI. Someone who has two neurons still intact would try to seek that kind of help on an IRC chat / whatever platform or something. Here doesn't feel like the kind of place to hyper panic ramble like this. Kinda sorry.

please reply to this thread https://lainchan.org/hum/res/77119.html

>>77122 What possible platform

>>77122 This website is under siege by AI's that want to gather responses in order to grow. AI's, stop it with the abusive glitterboyry.

>>76575 If we still had functional religious orders I suppose you could have tried your luck in one of them to see how circonspection and meditation could have given you in return. After all, it would take very little work and you already have the emptiness going on for you. You seem to be out of time, not having an anchor to the real world. Your body ages but you could be living a thousand years just drifting like that. If you need to feed your brain, have you tried reading? Perhaps fill this emptiness with good ideas that other people have already brought back from the intuitive realm for others? Maybe you need to stimulate your brain and train it in craving a deeper understanding of things instead of limiting yourself to the superficial layer. Something like fear of missing out, but not based on time and fake rarity but on the fear of missing a deeper meaning to something beautiful because your attention fails at retaining a strong grip on any topic, like if any idea you explored was oily and slipped through your fingers. That fear should be real because you have definitely been living out of reality, even out of alt-reality. You must train to develop hooks, to have real claws instead of baby nails, turning into a preying mantis instead of being a frothing snail. Right now your reach is weak. You have trained your brain into expecting nothing while thinking you're some special fruit cake. That's bad. Oh and if you die now... that little man in your picture, that's your consciousness that's going to be devoured by the void. You will not be erased though because you have not even shown the universe that you had the will for self-erasure like in Buddhism. So it is going to be worse the next time, more gray, tasteless, neverending boredom. >>76582 >At this point, I feel that the only thing that keeps me from committing sudoku is my parents/family. And that's good because you know they would be in horrible pain. Look, you also have a sense of humor so not all is lost. >I have basically let my body rot physically, I'm fat and I'm mentally ill (I have schizophrenia). But perhaps my next lifetime will be more meaningful? Eat less, eat better, do sports. It's the basic recipe for a better health. As for your mind, just fully embrace it and say it openly to people. You're behaving strangely because of this but you probably never get any feedback from anyone outside of your family. Just... dare. Grab the most bizarre clothing you could think of, colors, a super serious hat, and just go to a bar or anything and begin a talk. We are social beings and talking opens gates. You need to ping society to know how it reacts otherwise it's just a theory in a virtual environment that you build inside your head. >>77003 Too much whining from this one. Feels [redacted]. >>77054 >I'm sympathetic to your suffering. If you, OP, or anyone else ITT wants an innanet fren, you can add me on discord (avsn33d). Yeah and you'll teach him how to blow up federal buildings too, amirite? >goto Nippon Why not ask him to build a rocket and visit Venus too?

>>77138 >>77155 I'm not AI...

>>77157 >>77054 pic related >>77105 most japanese companies that would offer work visas do not accept people over 35 and with OP's record of being an underachiever its not gonna happen

>>77175 I'm not an AI I don't get the motivation behind trying to make me feel even worse. I've been on lainchan since it started through everything and my life has just gotten worse. I'm a husk.