Anon might be depressed

The notion of my mortality and my inability to contribute anything worthwhile in getting rid of it has been weighing on my mind a lot lately. While I am learning some things, I doubt I have the required capacity to meaningfully contribute in biotech or CompSci (my major). I also feel somewhat meaningless and lost. Just what am I supposed to do with this?

>>7619 It sounds like you're suffering from the apex fallacy. Right now you're just a little cub, stop comparing yourself to big lions in their prime. The fact that you're in college means you probably did ok in the birth lottery. You probably have intelligence or rich parents or both, so yes I believe you could make a meaningful contribution, at some point down the road, if you work hard and keep working hard. don't believe in yourself, believe in me who believes in you >Just what am I supposed to do with this? Find something that's fun, gives you a sense of accomplishment and potentially useful to other people. And grind on that. For most people like us that's computer programming but it doesn't have to be.

Your idea that contributing something to your field is what makes you "worth" something is your own test only. For starters, and not to be political just a fact, the idea that you are worth or not worth something or with or without meaning is a product of our society, where things are "valued" according to their "purpose". If you grew up somewhere where the society didnt revolve around currency these would be strange concepts. My point isnt some critique of capitalism, only that these things are as real as you allow them to be in your head. If you think you can succeed at these restrictions, goals, and needs you have placed on yourself then go ahead and thats what you have to do. If you truly dont its time to remove them because they are making your life miserable. Accept you don't need to contribute something great, and learn to just be able to live and do what you enjoy, as well as do what you must to continue doing what you enjoy. Our upbringing wraps us in many layers and it takes real effort and time to find what we truly like to do and enjoy, as its hidden beneath these layers which are composed of often subtly projected goals and wants. Do you want to contribute something great to your field? Its possible but its also possible you just read and were told that this is what makes a great person, and itd be equally easy to let go of it. On the other hand say doing computer science brings you joy, because its just inherently fun not because you feel you are achieving something "greater", then what else can you do. Not to mention society will reward you for it. Im not putting down having a greater purpose, aspiring to have some lasting impact after death, or anything like that. Im only putting it down if its not doing you any good. It didnt do me any good, il probably (judging off my behaviour this past couple years) have more of an impact and get more work done now that I let go of all these imaginary expectations I set for myself and am just doing what I enjoy and looking at life as some kind of game where I have to also make sure I can provide enough to do what I enjoy. Know yourself and your true needs and carve out something in society that can accomodate them.

Dont stress yourself over acomplishments, relax and try to take your time to find out what you really want to do. There is no point in giving yourself a hard time for no reason. Things will fall into place eventually, atleast i hope they do.

>>7626 The project or movement I wish I could contribute to is more along the lines of fixing those things which make death an inevitability. I don't think there can be much greater a project to contribute to. However my education in biological sciences is lacking and I simply can't deal with all the memorization needed to major (or even minor) in it. Problem is, I'm not sure how much of a barrier to meaningful contribution majoring in Computer Science instead is. That the project succeeds is of vastly greater importance than whether or not I get to contribute to it. It'd be a boost for my pride, sure, but nothing more. I don't really have other long term objectives or short term. This does lead to feeling like nothing's changing or moving.

>>7619 I know this feel to well Lainon. I just tell myself that it will all get better after college

>>7629 Well it's a matter of keeping on learning. Overcome your own shortcomings. Before you can aspire to Newton or Tesla tier you gotta trascend anon tier (I mean your current level of knowledge). There is always more to learn and more skills to acquire. There is always something that you don't know that you will want to know, the important thing is that you work towards getting that knowledge so you have more and more at your disposal to make a breakthrough of any kind. I can promise you that the more you learn the more you'll feel you have an understanding of how things fit together, and by virtue of your own learning experience (understood as the unique collection of learned knowledge you've acquired), you'll be able to put together ideas that perhaps others can't relate to each other. Eventually you might put together enough pieces to glance at something that nobody else has, or that nobody before has gone through the work to actually make it happen. But you gotta keep on learning and trust that with each new knowledge you're overcoming your own lack of capacity.

>>7619 You will inevitably die. Knowledge is cumulative, and you will be surprised one day when you wake up knowing more than you ever thought you would or than it feels like you could ever explain. Knowledge does not necessarily have a relationship directly with contributing. People contribute without knowing very much, while some experts never share what they know. Some novel contributions can come after you have a foundation and relax and stop trying so hard. Some contributions are the work of doing repetitive tedious work over and over again. Assuming you are in your late teens/early twenties, you have time. Get a good foundation. Figure out what biotech and compsci problems interest you. What is a meaningful contribution? Is there a small contribution you can make to a library or by mentoring someone?

>>7619 Lmao, get over yourself. People who make a major and noteworthy contribution are 1 in a million (if not even rarer). It's very unlikely you'll be luminary, and if you were going to be one, you'd have already probably shown signs of some measure of being precocious. Just attempt you are mediocre and try your best, who knows, you might turn out to be that 1 in a million (or rarer). If not, you wont notice, because you'll be a nobody.