/vent/

Thread hit bump limit. Prev: >>74508

>>75339 Kay, hey. Check your playlist, did you recently add narcissistic gem? If not I apologise, must be a different person

I want to become less error-prone as a developer. I find that more often than I would like, I engage in magical thinking. At my worst moments, I develop a paranoia about the machine, and even when things are working just fine, I do not believe it. At the same time, I wonder how to go about judging how other people judge me. I wish it was more transparent. If they compliment me, does it actually mean something, or are they just trying to win favors with me? But I suppose the reality is simple enough. I should pay attention to their actions. Especially if they have skin in the game.

Have any of you ever moved town/thought about moving for the chance at a better social life? Living in a small town of 30k, good job with advancement prospects, plenty of disposable income, but there's nothing here, I work, exercise, study, have 2 friends, both of which now have kids, I have no real social life and nothing I've tried around here has worked. I want to move to a bigger city pretty much just so I can meet more people. Like there's not even a D&D group here to join, if you don't want to sit in a bar and drink with the same people you were at school with there's nothing to do.

I just wish I had more time to do creative stuff. Illustration has always been my main thing and I love it, but I've recently been very inspired by 3D and sculpting. It's actually really fun! It's very technical and a lot less "raw" than drawing/painting, but making scenes and characters work in 3D is challenging and really rattles your brain. Translating 2D Illustrations I do into 3D is also a blast... But it all takes a lot of time. I've been so frustrated lately with that. I just don't work fast enough. I was recently working on a drawing with 4 characters and just decided to pare it down to just two, completely changing the context, because I just don't have the time to work on such a large painting.

>>75671 Lain, I assume you mean 3D sculpting irl? If so, what materials do you use? Tell us more about how you go about it. I used to model 3d buildings for fun in Blender, maybe I should return to that hobby. What I liked about it was that it was completely for fun, unrelated to my career/education, and I could see progress very quickly (buildings getting more detailed over time).

>>75673 I used to do it traditionally, using Monster Clay and bits of steel wire as a frame. I've since moved to Blender, and I hope to make the jump to ZBrush eventually because it's just straight up better. When I say it's more "technical" I meant it literally. As in I'm not throwing down clay and sculpting it, nor am I putting down layers of paint. I'm have to worry about this modifier, or their order, how dense the mesh is, the limitations of the program and my PC. That's not really a worry even in Digital Painting... The way I go about it is I like to base my sculpts on an illustration. I set up my camera to match the drawing as best as possible, then I set up some primitives (a basic body, elements from the scene) and start sculpting. It's a bit different to a lot of other sculptors who want their work to be poseable/animatable, they work with symmetry and then pose at the end. I sculpt and form to match the illustration which helps the piece look good from that specific angle (and a few others), but it's a static piece in the end.

>>75676 That's a really unique and interesting way of working. I would be happy to see some of your work if you are ready to show it off.

>>75644 Procrastination is going to end up ruining my life. Combined too with apathy that is. I simply leave things to the night before or don't complete them. I tell myself that I will do things to change this but never do...

I have to remind myself most people on the internet think this way, I made an innocuous comment and people thought I was brewing soykaf or something. After questioning them again and making myself more clear they simply went quiet and changed topic. It's ok now but that was retarded, they took it as an argument. When things like this happen it makes me think about the bell curve and the dumb npc theory but is impossible to talk about them without sounding like a pseud (which I'm not) so I don't. I don't think I'm intelligent at all btw but I'm more aware of my biases than others, at least. (keep in mind the uploader might be a grifter try decoupling if that bothers you) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Jk7JgAtK7w

The most annoying thing about strength training at the gym is I spend a lot of time waiting around for people to get off the machines. And plus it usually happens at the end of a set too so I can't just leave and do other exercises and come back. People are so inconsiderate

mild one. >make breakfast >gf has earbuds on when I ask her a question, she makes a weird response >I think it's weird and I ask to confirm >she makes an affirmative noise >do the thing >"wtf lainon, why did you do this?! This is your fault!"

When I was in high school I once got up from my desk and I had an erection, I didn't think it would show but apparently it did, and I noticed a girl saw me, for which I felt embarrassed at the moment, but that same day after school she pulled me behind the stairs and gave me a handjob, a few days after that she invited me to her house to have sex. I thought we would be together after that, but no, it turned out I just had a big dick. But it didn't end there, she actually went and told her friends and over the school year I had four other girls ask me over for sex. I had sex up to three times with a couple of them, but they never cared to get to know me better, they did ask some questions about me but just as a courtesy and I was as lonely as ever. Apparently the rumor circulated about the size of my dick to the point that even a couple of the "popular" guys once confronted me about it but I just stuttered and they said it was all bullshit and it all sort of ended there, the girls actually ignored me at school, and the small group of friends I had never believed me. Today I am 25 and I never had sex again, I always felt kind of bad about the whole affair because I wanted a gf and it only made me feel more lonely, you would think 15/16 year old girls are not just sex fiends but there you have it. I think this made me more awkward with girls and I don't want to pull the big dick card on them partly because I don't even know if my dick really is big or maybe it was but it isn't anymore by adult standards, but mostly because I don't want what happened in HS to repeat. Hey at least I'm not a virgin.

I'm procrastinating dumping a guy Don't know how to start the conversation. Help

>>75778 go for a pleasant walk in a park or beach at around twilight, and pull out a ring

>>75778 My approach to dumping somebody would just be to burn the bridge, be blunt and get it over with, you want out. Now that bluntness might inadvertently burn a bridge, I wouldn't seek to burn bridges but if I set them alight whatever.

Been telling people to kill themselves online a lot lately and I mean it.

>>75781 I've been trying to drive my dad specifically to suicide lately. He's really stupid so the normal stuff doesn't work. I need to figure out how to cut off his money supply and kill every last bit of hope inside him and then he'll finally kill himself.

Helped some friend's friend move and opened the van's side-door, where some shelf fell out and put a small dent into the moving guy's car. Now my friend is bugging me to bring the case up with my liability insurance. Kinda is like kicking dead whales down the beach, since I don't feel completely responsible (securing the load) and I'll have an entry with my insurance. Yet I also feel partially responsible, legally I might be fine tho. Spent early morning until evening helping, got some bruises and even had to disassemble the furniture (since that obviously couldn't be done beforehand). If somebody ever asks you to help them move, say no.

>>75658 Sometimes feels the same in a medium city (like few hundred thousand). Things used to be open later, but now everything kinda shuts down early. I feel like unless you move to a city that is in the top 20 it is kind of hit or miss.

Heres my vent. Jannie has been ruining this site and is only good for cleaning up the periodic mess of cheese pizza that some sickos keep posting periodically here because lain has been infused into "cunny culture". The longer I come on here the less reason I have to return, and soon I sense I will stop completely just like I did with 4chins awhile ago. Thats not a problem with me though because life has infinitely better to offer for free, and its my prayer to remind you all of that. Have a blessed day frens.

I have very severe BPD, and it wasn't always like this. My boyfriend currently has a child, by accident, and is divorced - but I am having very severe delusions telling me that I will be mercilessly suicidal until I go off of birth control, get pregnant, then get an abortion and go back on birth control simply to demonstrate that I bear that autonomy. Of course, this is something deeply personal to him as well, so it is painful for both of us. It's difficult, because I'm at odds with myself and most importantly my partner. I know it's deeply irrational and I can't exactly justify it. I just wish there was more to my immediate power to stop myself from feeling this way

>>75757 Something similar. I have a power rack, but I moved a while ago and the new place doesn't have enough space to use it. It's set up in my room so I can at least use it for pullups and i sometimes hang blankets over it for sound dampening for audio recording, but the width of the bar makes lifting not possible. The weights and olympic bar are just wasting away.

>>75815 idk how many top 20 cities you've been to but even there its hit or miss ime, and you pay a steep price to enjoy the experience. >>75818 same to you dear lain!

>>75824 >>75815 I just want more people, more nerds, more spaces that aren't pubs or absolutely terrible night clubs. I was in a city visiting someone a few weeks ago and they had a games store with people playing WH40k on a table behind the window and meeting times for LANs and D&D and soykaf, I felt like a child looking in on a candy store I'm too poor to go into. I want some kind of community and I don't feel like I'm ever going to get it living where I do now.

been stuck in legal limbo for almost 2 years now, i am not able to do anything until i get out of limbo, i might get out of it in the next 2 months, but i've been told that lie for years now, however, it has to end in the next 2 months there's no option for my tormentors, they have to let me free otherwise they'll suffer potentially serious legal trouble and i'll be liberated. i don't know what to do anymore because i can't do anything as i said i'm in limbo, and i have nowhere left to turn as well, i have been at large isolated since covid began so i guess that's almost 4 years now, but ever since i entered into this limbo ~2 years ago i've been totally isolated. im at the point where i truly believe there is absolutely nothing in this world that will make me believe that life is really all that much of anything, that i am just going to pick up the pieces and carry on with my life once i finally am released from this purgatory i'm in. that there is anything that will ever have made everything that's happened okay, that will make it have been worth it. life really is just one big nothing for me, it's just blah, nothing at all, i move within the borders i am allowed to move, travel around, see things, but i never feel anything, i never meet anyone, and i always return home the same day and just wonder what the point of it was, why i could've stayed home and the day would've ended just the same. misery is a bottomless pit, there's really no end to it, but i think at a certain point the feeling goes away, then you're just left to face the void that is your life, that is your being, the husk taking up space where you walk, i don't wallow, i dont snibble or cry or whine or complain to anyone in real life or to friends i dont have online, but i'll do it here, maybe just this once, the last few days were difficult, i just am, there's nothing left. i cannot relate to anybody, and i have no hope with females because i dont have any swag, whenever i talk to a girl and she keeps asking me questions and i eventually am forced to disclose the kind of limbo i am trapped in i can just tell she's turned off and it always happens. i don't even blame the people who did this to me, who've stole years of my life from me in what i believe to be an unjustified manner, i'm long past that, i got over that more than a year ago, probably within the first couple months of the purgatory's beginning, but now all that hatred is gone, there's nothing left inside of me, and that's why i can't relate to people or communicate with people, i cannot communicate with people whatsoever, i cannot hold a conversation, i cannot start a conversation, i don't know what to say to begin a conversation, i don't know how to keep one going, all i can do is set some embers, they die out quick, maybe every once in a while i can get a small flame going but it always puffs out quick. i wasn't always this way, i used to have a lot of friends, used to be popular, people considered me funny, i was liked, but not anymore, i'm a shell of that person now, i'm not outgoing, i actually care what others think of me now, i'm a fearful person in the worst of ways, at this point staring down the barrel of a gun is less frightening than striking up conversation with a random girl at a bus stop. i have no friends, not in real life or online, i don't talk to anyone in real life or online, i spend my days reading, exercising, that's about all. it's the best i can do right now. as for what it's all for ultimately, i don't know, nobody does, but i guess in my circumstances it seems pointless, i continue living anyway. i was reading brief interviews with hideous men this morning, i was up to the point with the depressed person. that bitch was so self obsessed, she totally ruined her own life, when the incident where a guy compared her to a toilet was brought up as a "trauma" i actually laughed to myself, what he said was totally accurate, now when white girls bring up their "trauma" i know exactly what they're talking about. i swear when i see stuff like that i just wonder if i'm better off being all alone, maybe i should just stay this way forever, because the thing is the only way i'm gonna get out of this is by myself, i have to be the one to make friends or not scare them away, and then they're going to try to make me normal and drag out information from me and i'll have to find a way to lie to them without having any kind of emotional indicator that im lying, and if they discover my past then they'll probably do some goofy soykaf like try and talk to me about it because they'll think im depressed or they'll start looking down upon me, well i'll just cut them out of my life for good, rinse and repeat. nobody is going to save me, and sometimes i want for someone to do so, real life isn't some soykafty hollywood love story though.

>>75646 Hey, sorry I don't think I've added that to any playlist sorry. I wish I had someone I could talk to. I came on here to see my old post from last thread and all I really got was a guy saying I enjoyed misery. fuarrrk that guy. I have been begging god for help for 8 years.

>>75828 >I was in a city visiting someone a few weeks ago and they had a games store with people playing WH40k on a table behind the window and meeting times for LANs and D&D and soykaf, I felt like a child looking in on a candy store I'm too poor to go into. How big is the town you're in now? You don't need to move to a big city to find a game store that's active. The one in my home town was active and that town had a less than 10k population.

People always rave about the "benefits" of fasting, but it always makes me feel like soykaf. I haven't done any super long ones, but I've fasted up to 4 days and I felt awful at every point during it. I lose alertness, I just feel hungry all the time, my emotions are out of whack. I think perhaps many of the "benefits" of fasting are due to carbohydrate restriction, but I already eat a diet that is ketogenic in nature all the time, so I don't think there is much to gain. I had three pounds of beef and 6 eggs today, and I feel much better and happier.

My face is very unfortunate and deformed. It makes me feel upset to see it. It has been less agonizing lately since I have been thinking less about women, but still feels so stressful to see. If I ever became a millionaire, the very first thing I would do is get facial surgery.

>>75848 see >>75658 There's nothing here, nothing to do, nowhere to go, nothing to be. I am existing, not living, I'm saving tons of money and my job is easy and going well but apart from that everything in my life is either frustrating as hell or totally absent.

>>75861 Forgot half my post. I have interviews in a provincial city for jobs each week for the next month, if I get any of them I'm gone, I don't know anyone there and I'm a little frightened of dumping everything and moving but if I have to stay in this town for another couple years I'm going to kill myself or turn into an addict

>>75658 I have never had a friend. Not sure moving would change that.

>>75855 I have been fasting for about 40 hours now. I think it mainly help with reducing calorie intake. A very strict keto diet also helps reduce calorie intake because there is just so little food that is actually compatible with a keto diet (<15 g carbohydrate per day). When I was doing keto I just ate pickles, pork rinds, canned fish and canned tomatoes. It was very bad for my heart.

>>75864 > When I was doing keto I just ate pickles, pork rinds, canned fish and canned tomatoes. It was very bad for my heart. Uh yeah it sounds like you were just eating salt and starving. >There is just so little food that is actually compatible with a keto diet just eat meat eggs butter/some animal fat. easy peasy. Not sure why the heck you decided to eat the way you did. today I had 2lbs of beef and 6 eggs/some egg shell for calcium.

>>75865 I live in a car so things that need to be cooked or refrigerated are not really an option for me. All my food needs to be non-perishable or canned or not going to breed deadly bacteria if I leave it open at room temp for over 3 hours.

>>75845 it must be really tough for you Kay, have a hug from me *hugs*

>>75866 well I personally don't cook anything, I eat it all raw. I have also eaten intentionally rotted meat many times before with no issues, though I can imagine that might be something less appealing to most.

>>75868 Sv3rige? I thought big skin damage got you?

>>75869 No, not him. I do wear sunscreen and never go on carb binges.

>>75868 My health insurance doesn't start for like 2 more months so I can't really risk getting sick like that. Also I'm not really going to eat raw rotten meat because some anon told me it was okay.

>>75871 Hey, no need. I will say that the only times I have ever gotten sick from something I ate was when I ate plant foods, though.

heres my vent. my friend who introduced me to this site years ago became a troon because he projected his consciousness onto miku till he convinced himself he was miku. hes stuck at home right now drinking himself to death and using any drug he can obtain and has been for years because he hypnotized himself into thinking hes miku and its not working out for him. friend is you see this post, please, get help.

My PC finally died and now I have to buy a new one.... sigh. I hate this soykaf. Buying stuff is painful and everything is expensive as fuarrrk.

>>75644 I think romance anime is killing me emotionally. All I've wanted for years is a cute virgin girlfriend and I've joked with friends about how that wasn't possible due to missing the "childhood friend route", but now that I'm working and out of school I feel like it stopped being a joke. I might've been hypnotized by jap media to want a wholesome, romantic relationship in a world where that seems to not exist. The more I watch shows like Jijō o Shiranai Tenkōsei ga Guigui Kuru and Kyou no go no ni, the more I feel like some old, pathetic soykafbag. When does being a late bloomer turn into being a normal loser? Why does it seem like all women have a whorish streak? How likely is it that I'll actually be able to find this type of relationship? No one knows. I wish there were an oracle that would give me a definite answer.

>>75658 Cities are pretty terrible. I go to a large one pretty often for various reasons; meetings, usergroups, certain events, or simply burning gas and checking out the sights. But I'm always glad I can leave it at the end of the day. You might feel bored living out in the sticks, but living in the city for any large amount of time (which I had to do on a couple of occasions) feels so impermanent. Everything's expensive, loud, and you fall into a routine anyways. The feeling that you need to be somewhere else always sticks with you and you can never feel all that comfortable in your own house. I'd reccomend driving/taking a train to where you want to go and possibly staying the night if you really feel like it; it costs a lot less than moving as well.

>>75893 >I might've been hypnotized by jap media to want a wholesome, romantic relationship in a world where that seems to not exist. The more I watch shows like Jijō o Shiranai Tenkōsei ga Guigui Kuru and Kyou no go no ni, the more I feel like some old, pathetic soykafbag. My recommendation is Blood C

I truly pray that one day I'll find something worth living for and be able to escape this life of coasting from one meaningless endeavor I'm supposed to care about to the next. Im not depressed or stupid for that matter but I just can't see the greater purpose in life; not mine or anyone else's. In a matter of months I'll be working again and live the cycle of wakeup, work, cope, sleep and repeat until I'm old and shriveled. But then you look at the alternative, to be a useless neet who will achieve nothing or to work myself to the bone in attempt to try to retire early, giving me more time to feel numb. What's the worst part about this all is that unless I have a desire I can't make any decision at this crossroads. I wonder how sustainable a life like this truly is

>>75808 you're fuarrrked for life

>>75893 >When does being a late bloomer turn into being a normal loser when you run out of cute virgins in your friend group and still don't own one of the ex virgins yourself.

>>75903 When you let weirdos like this judge you.

>>75903 I'm not friends with any women. My interests don't exactly line up with theirs and when I do get to know one they wind up hitting on my and making things awkward. Men are much more tolerant anyways, so having a girl friend would most likely mean I have to be on my toes all the time. I'm waiting for this to happen with one in particular, but that doesn't seem like it will.

>>75905 I think if you socialized with women and get to know them, you would realize that they aren't those alien beings you make them out to be. Your interests don't have to be the same as the person you are hanging out with. Many of my friends aren't really into tech. I find that our interests compliment each other more than they stand between us. The way you talk about women is a bit concerning though. Generalizing half of the human population isn't really rational.

>>75906 None of my friends are into tech either, but it seems that I never come into contact with women in my activities. And I don't have any reason to start going up to randos and asking them to be my friend like a small child. It isn't as if I'm uncomfortable around women or think of them too differently. I just know what I know. >concerning How so? Why are my observations "concerning" to you?

>>75910 seemingly you still want a gurl frend. While wammins are definitely not Normal, its maybe better to not think too hard about placating their peculiarities when engaged in dealings with them. If they are hitting on you this sounds like you're already doing alright, however. Why not engage further, damn the awkwardness full speed ahead! >>75906 >Generalizing half of the human population isn't really rational. hello fellow retard. Maybe it aint rational but it sure is right!

>>75893 I'm the same boat, brother. I'd rather kill myself out of loneliness in a mad world than devote my innocent love to modern whores without culture or humility.

>>75911 The girls that hit on my aren't the ones I like. In fact, I'm concerned my appearance turns off the type of girl I'm going for. >>75912 The thing is that these girls exist, but they become exponentially harder to find the older you get. I think college was the last chance I had.

>>75906 >I think if you socialized with women and get to know them, you would realize that they aren't those alien beings you make them out to be. Different lainon, but when I did my master's degree I lived with 6 women and different group of women made up pretty much all of my social interactions. I'm still very much afraid of women. The closest I've come to having a gf was talking to a girl who was 10 years older than me in Animal Crossing for a few months. Call me pessimistic but I don't think there's much hope for me at this point.

>>75893 I never could stomach romance anime for a similar reason. Only one I ever watched was Chuunibyou, and I had to drop it once they started getting too close. It began to remind me of how lonely I was growing up. How I never had a girlfriend to be silly and autistic with. And nowadays these types of women either hate men, want to be men, or have shed their hobbies and become too normal. I should know; I stayed friends with a couple of them after high school and watched them buy into Tumblr's nonsense. I especially hate it because these weird girls were the only ones who accepted me. They were the only ones who ever flirted with me, and if I hadn't thought they were only being friendly, I'd have responded in kind and had a relationship while it was still okay to have never been in one. With them gone I don't think any other kind of person would like me. I'm just too boring or weird for most. Plus I'm in my 30s now, so pretty much everyone my age is married.

>>75923 >>75912 I think it would be more constructive to strategize how to find the women we are looking for rather than lament the fact that we don't have them.

>>75930 Obviously the secret to meeting girls is to gain 300 pounds and spend all your money on 40k figurines. Do it. Become as chad

>>75930 /vent/ is for complaining about problems, not finding solutions.

>>75939 Well if anyone has any solutions it'd be best to post them here rather than create a thread that'll die after five posts and have no additional traffic

>>75947 maybe we could have a solutions general then as well as a venting general. Im not #939 and this problem annoys me too lol. i h8 my nayboars b-kuz dey r so loud and so obnoxious and they just dont stop y cant they just be quiet

>>75948 call the cops on them anonymously. they harass you with noise, you harass them with police visits

>>75948 check it >>75958 /sol/ - solutions

Is there a way to help my poor grandma who's hair is cloud white and just peed herself all over the futon we gave her? It's fuarrrking terrifying and depressing seeing her all fuarrrked up like that, rather than being the kindly culinary genius who would shelter me from my parents and their abuse. I'm not asking for ways to magically "fix" her or whatever (but it would be nice, I fuarrrking want her back), but to make things easier and better for her. I don't know how to care for elderly people, any and all tips from lainons would be helpful.

>>75991 Maybe grow up and stop making her problems all about you. You're acting like a 3 year old.

>>75992 She has severe dementia, I stop by my parent's house to take care of her every day since I heard the news.

>>75991 sounds like you are looking for a solution, not a place to vent. Try over here: >>75958 and don't post your own thread and comment at the same time holy soykaf basic courtesy is in serious decline on this board. Niggers these days, I just don't understand it.

>>75999 whereas I have no I dea what the hell you just said, or what your point is. Have a NICE DAY! :)))))) /VENT/ is for VENTING /SOL/ is for SOLUTIONS if I want to VENT I just want to YELL and SCREAM and express that I am angry or UPSET kindly learn english sir!

Hi Lain, this is my vent. I have been going out with a girl for four months, and the thing she makes me feel the most is confusion. However I can't decide to stop seeing her. Almost immediately she told me that she doesn't want a relationship, because it is a hard period for her; however we kept going out and she allowed me to get more and more physical, touch her, hold her hands, and so on, but without ever touching me back. We kissed once a couple months ago and the week after she told me that she needed to think more, that she is confused and things like that. Then we even started waking hand in hand, and a couple of weeks ago I tried to kiss her again after she made no opposition to me touching her tits (I did it gradually), but she refused and told me that she still sees our relationship as a friendship, even if she doesn't exclude that it could change in the future. She has been following phycological treatment for three years because of her anxiety and problems with people, so I understand it is hard for her. Now I think that maybe things could excalate sexually, since she now lets me touch her basically everywhere, but her lack of reaction (and my inexperience) confuses me, and unfortunately we live with our families so there aren't many occasions to be home alone. I really don't know what to do, I like her and care for her and I may be willing to wait a little to see how things turn out but I don't know if this is good for my mental health and how long I can resist. Sorry if it doesn't make a lot of sense, I am also a very confused person by myself and this doesn't help.

>>76007 It sounds like you just need to be patient with her and respect any boundaries she sets. If you are unsatisfied with that then perhaps she is not the one for you at the moment.

>>76007 She probably likes you but either doesn't get turned on by you or doesn't know how to properly open up and let herself feel turned on (or both). It's very possible she's leading you on unintentionally. You should probably just ask her about it.

>>76007 It might be commitment issues, or fear of losing you as a friend if you get too close, or her being insecure feeling she isnt good enough.

>>76007 Seconding >>76008 Also remember that although you may feel like you need to act quickly or miss the opportunity, if she is into you then the opportunity will most likely be there in the future if you just treat her with kindness and respect.

>>76007 You need to decide what you want. I read this entire post and you never even stated you end goal here. This girl is clearly mentally ill in some way, she has issues, and she's wasting your time because of her feminine goofiness. >so I understand it is hard for her fuarrrk that, we all have problems. She's wasting your time, she's fuarrrking you right now. Decide what you want with her, and then voice your frustrations to her and tell her what you want. Tell her point blank that if she's not going to give you what you want you're done, and then leave if you're not going to get what you want. You're wasting your life right now and can find some other girl.

>>76008 >>76009 >>76012 >>76015 Thank you guys. I am starting questioning myself and wandering what is the point in all of this. Unfortunately she has some mental issues and I am sorry for her but I fear that she might affect me negatively in the long run. We talked about us already and she said that she sees our relation as a friendship, that kissing would complicate the relationship and that she is afraid of changing idea immediately after we take it to the next level. >>76023 This is the hard truth, and I consciously agree with you, but unfortunately it is hard also for me and I am slow at taking decisions like this. My end goal is simply trying to have a relationship where we gradually start kissing and see how things go. Right now however I think I will try to see if she would like to have sex, since she opposes kissing but doesnt oppose me touching her tits and ass and so on. Maybe through sex she will understand what she wants. I won't last long though, I give myself one more month to see how it evolves, then I might quit all of this. I am not so good and expierienced with relationships myself. >>76011 I would love to...

>>76024 Just make sure that if you quit, you don't quit without trying anything, otherwise you won't learn anything from this experience. Sex does help move things along, it will let you decide what you think. It's also a good way of letting you know if you really love somebody.

>>76026 Thanks for the advice, I definitely will try to undress her next time we are home alone, and see her reaction, but unfortunately I don't think it will happen very soon, I'll have to wait some weeks and in the meanwhile I will continue being confused and overthinking about all of this.

>>76024 >she has some mental issues run

>>76026 This is awful advice Do not stick your dick in crazy, don't stick your dick in anyone if you don't like them, either.

>>76024 Sticking with this seems like a bad idea. It’s hard to say no to free ass and titties but your first few relationships will do a lot to set what’s normal so this could be the first in a string of crazies. There are always a ton of crazy women on the market and they basically just look for guys who show signs of putting up with their soykaf, throw down some ass, and see how far they can push things while trying to lock you down with marriage or kids because from their PoV that’s the only way to get a life partner. It’s not like that yet because you’re so young but once they stop worrying about virginity and go to a few of their friends weddings they’ll start acting that way and they’ll start targeting guys who are ok with crazy.

>>76026 terrible advice. you can love someone without even having sex with them, y'know? and i adhere to>>76078, don't stick your dick in crazy

Job searching is exhausting me. I finished my msc (finance) and have been unable to find decent work. I'm either being ghosted or being rejected by psychometric tests (most of them don't apply adjustments for disability and outright ignore the request). Currently only been able to get one interview for an entry level position with a salary well below the national average. There's a lot of preassure in my home to succeed, and I feel like my family are judging me very harshly for being unemployed. I feel like a total failure, I have panic attacks almost every day, and I'm starting to think it would be better for everyone if I took my own life.

i'm considering suicide cuz i have treatment resistant depression and things just keep getting worse and worse and no meds help and i'm a 19mtf unpassable tr*nny that will never have a husband LMFAOOOO anyways, is sodium nitrite or intravenous opioid overdose better? i also can't find SN so i'd appreciate any source that ships to the US

>>76088 kids these days can't even mix their own salts. This is an easy diy project man, just make your own sodium nitrate or whatever you want. Look at a salt solubility chart and figure it out. That or you know, get better. Quitting being a tranny should be easy, too.

Just wanna muffle myself with a pillow then scream and cry, that would fix all my issues. >>76088 There are chasers that would wife up the least passing trannies ever. Also i was suicidal when i was 19 too, 20 was a magical year where i did jack soykaf but distance myself from my family, i am ok now. If they didn't already disown you and you are serious about suicide, you could try running away before suicide. You can't understand how bad people treat you until you are away from them.

God damnit why can't I make a thread, I,just realized, are tablets and cellphones not accepted for making new threads somehow,though I don't really see how that's possible

So I have become this lazy hulking slob, and Shlomo to be exact, it has been not very pleasant; where is my desire to accomplish anything? It's there, but it is honestly a maddening feeling that I think is very psychologically not good to experience, like being a fat lazy slob is just not for me, you know. My country has been utilizing various chemicals, practically covering the entire country. I don't know how it's possible, but I have experienced with my own two eyes and senses. I don't know where it originates from, but there are videos of China spraying chemicals all over with drones, I imagine it's something like that. I have managed to find some correlation. I thought it was radiation and there is some correlation with radiation I have discovered, using like a Gieger counter. But whatever it is, it makes me super tired, I mean, I don't know how many substances and chemicals there are out there but I have noticed various symptoms, like literally at best it is at least comparable to a drug, which is why it's real. It's like in Batman Begins where they release that chemical into the water supply and it's evaporated into the air, hey that's great I think I'll use it for my possible asylum. But anyway the chemical is really deadly and it makes everyone insane, whoever devised this plan is like a God damn evil movie villain. I know it makes people uncomfortable to post things like this, but then I don't know why there are not more refugees or migrants who come online and complain, they're not like "Hey my country is trying to kill me" I don't know why I'm alone here. "I am being spied on" "I have experienced police brutality" "it's not safe for me to leave my house"

Anyway, I think my country worships the devil, I was thinking I would use that for my asylum (however I get citizenship in another country) I mean, one of the categories for asylum was persecution for beliefs political and religious and being a part of some identifiable group or minority and that's when I realized they pretty much like worship the devil like straight out of the Bible, of course it makes people made like what? I have no idea why. I was just thinking about how horrible it was but that's the reason they're doing it, that's why this do all these super villain esque things because it goes alongmwirh their spiritual worship/beliefs which is basically devil worship. It's why I was injured, I was injured severely and almost killed, I've been almost killed numerous times in this country thus far so its nothing new but still none the less, I am not compatible with devil worship I mean I couldn't worship the devil if I wanted to, it's like exclusively against me.

I guess if I were to correct myself, it's not the devil for certain, but it follows along somewhere that it's some form of general satan-y I guess, so it's easier to say devil worship I guess because there's not many other words. It's so stressful I feel like I need to self medicate somehow and cut myself at times, I don't do either, but it's just extremely overwhelming, I guess back to my original point, there are all these things I would like to do, but again because of all these weird chemicals it is making me rather immobilized. Like it's really hard just doing regular normal things, I am almost gone with this country, maybe I just need to keep focusing on the fact that I really almost able to leave the country along with finally having enough money saved up. Its just really difficult, it's mostly the effects of the chemicals I guess

I'm not the kind of person to associate with cults like Nofap, but I'm basically forced to abstain from any sexual activites anyway. The reason is that there's something deeply wrong with my body (or rather my immune system). Every single time I orgasm, not only I get weird allergic reactions (itchy skin, runny nose etc), but also it's more likely for me to catch random illnesses like common cold over the span of next two days or so. This soykaf keeps driving me insane

>>75845 i wish i could befriend some of the people on here but every time i think about it, i just imagine it going the worst way possible in many ways then being rejected

>>75845 why don't you try helping yourself instead of using the fact that you beg God for help as an excuse for inaction

>>76149 A word like 'absurd' or 'bizarre' doesn't touch the load of videos like these. If this is the daily video intake of youngsters, no wonder they're so messed up in the brain.

>>76087 You have a masters in finance, it's beyond retarded to kill yourself when there's so many options for that position. Have you tried looking for jobs nationally?

got stood up and ghosted after setting up a date and time for a date. I don't feel that bad about this, just disappointed. The realization that I will probably die alone is setting in

>>76172 > it's beyond retarded to kill yourself when there's so many options for that position You're right to be honest. I probably come across as a bit of an ass-hat from that post. Guess I'm just going through a depressive episode, felt good to get it out though. >Have you tried looking for jobs nationally? Yes, but the job market in the UK is pretty soykaf for graduates, and even worse for autistics. Gonna keep trying though, absolutely determined to start my career and make a success of myself after these hellish past few years.

>>76180 I lie on my resume and tell people I have an associate's in computer science. You have an actual degree. fuarrrk you dude.

>>76180 >Yes, but the job market in the UK is pretty soykaf for graduates, and even worse for autistics. Couldn't agree more. I've been unemployed since April. I check job postings most days and I'm lucky if I can find two jobs a month to apply for. A good portion of those haven't even been in the UK. I get interviewed about half the time because I have a good resume but they always clock that I'm some kind of autist in the interview and don't hire me. Every day I regret blowing the three chances I had to maybe marry an American and get a green card not being a KHV would be a bonus, because I see dozens of jobs posted there every day.

>>76182 > I get interviewed about half the time because I have a good resume Lain I think you are just messing up your interviews, nobody has such a great ratio. You could try to put your head down and practice responses to the behavioral questions they ask. > I'm lucky if I can find two jobs a month to apply for What the hell is your profession, plate spinning?! or are you just picky

im stalked by sociopaths whose life goal is to gaslight me into insanity, no matter where i try to socialize or exist, they show up to push me back into isolation

My gf has severe trauma and BPD and hence doesn't get in the mood for sex that often, today she drank a little and i took a lot of kratom to keep up (also being a little bit high so it doesn't feel weird to hang out), and we ended up initiating sex, but since i had taken kratom i couldn't get it up, we tried for like 6 min until she said she wasn't in the mood, she started feeling bad that we stopped trying since we hasn't had sex for a while, and now she started splitting, i blame it on myself a lot, i just feel so bad for her, that she has to feel so bad and go through such a rough emotional state (especially regarding to her past trauma), and i blame it so much on myself, i feel like she doesn't think i'm able to have sex anymore and that i'm like broken (we usually have amazing sex), i just hate myself so much, but i'm able to internalize it so she doesn't feel bad.

>>76185 >being a little bit high so it doesn't feel weird to hang out I think you need to take a step back and really think about this relationship. Because if you need to take drugs to not feel weird around them, then its probably not a very good relationship. And blaming yourself is stupid. Have some perspective. Your sexual impotency is drug induced. Stop taking the drug. Self hatred does literally nothing. Its you trying to rationalize why your girlfriend is not capable of sustaining a relationship by taking the blame onto yourself. When will it ever be her fault? At what point?

>>76190 Are we offering people advice in this thread now? I'm not sure if the /vent/ thread is for offering unsolicited advice to people or if it's for shouting all your problems into an indifferent and unresponsive void. Either one is fine I just want to make sure we're all on the same page.

>>76191 Not that lain but I will continue to make posts on this website in any thread I like, abiding by the site rules.

>>76191 >how dare you try to help people :(

>>76194 I wouldn't go to the venting thread to ask for help and I assume no one else would either.

>>76185 Since advice is apparently frowned on I’ll wish you a happy rest of your life dealing with this soykaf.

>>76191 >now It's always been like this. Some people vent, some people give advice, some people whine about noetwanting advice. someone tried to split it off into /sol/ recently but that's a bad idea because we don't need multiple threads for people whining about personal problems and /vent/'s best quality is that it keeps all the whiny personal problems and depression posting in one place.

>>76152 Umm it's called "brainrotmaxxing" you old fogey >>76184 sounds like you're a pushover twerp that enjoys it to be honest >>76191 >I want my cake and eat it too Let bygoens be bygones then? Who told you that you have to read the replies, jeez >>76195 sounds like baby is tired from trying to fix his life, so sad ;_;

Don't want to whine too much, but my executive dysfunction is acting up again. I have autism, ADHD, and depression. I keep things relatively well-managed with medication (aripiprazole for the 'tism, atomoxetine for the ADHD, and duloxetine for the depression) and therapy, but sometimes things seem to fall apart around me. I've really been struggling at work and in school. Doing things is almost physically painful. No idea why the aversion is so strong. Anyone else struggle with executive dysfunction? Any advice? It truly is as dumb as it sounds. I want to do things, but can't seem to self-regulate well enough to do them.

>>76301 Some more pills and drugs will do ya

Fighting deletionists on Wikipedia is like being an unpaid public defender. I am so sick of them.

>>76301 since you're asking for advice, i have some, coming from someone who never once took medication. 5 years experience in roughing it successfully. you're cursed to a shotgun approach to life. find a way to embrace it, and learn to like the pain that comes with it. at first, pretend the stress feels good. mask it with a smile. eventually, you get so good at it, that even you start to believe it. boom, you're now a stand-up citizen. the hard part, the part i'm still working on, is figuring out how to mesh your brain with the rest of society. your shotgun style doesnt play well with how society is constructed. it expects consistency, not fleeting power. option a: find a job with a lenient boss who respects the effort you put in when you can. make sure to convince him with actions, not words, that you deserve the leniency. option b: play the state welfare game and sneak your way into entrepreneurship. build skills on your own schedule, and let the state take care of you when you need a few days to recuperate. if you're prone to slacking, i wouldn't recommend this option. NEETdom can get very, very tempting as you realise you're just a roommate away from living large on state funded chicken nuggies and video games. option c: try school, idk. i dropped out. i sucked ass at taking tests. i could never comprehend what the questions were asking. hope this helps. pic unrelated, an album i spent $5 the other day for giggles. it's alright.

>>76307 i totally lied about medication. cannabis is a hell of a drug for cognitive behavioral therapy. i won't recommend it because i don't know you, and i don't want to be responsible for creating a junkie.

I am so sick of people describing everything as "schizo" or "autistic"

I get so angry all the time, irrationally. My life is not bad, I have social connections, a decent job, I'm not really unhappy. But I get so angry at minute things. I seek confrontation with people, I rile myself up and it's only a matter of time before I get punched in the face or hurt somebody because I couldn't control my stupid emotions. I can't let go, if somebody wrongs me even in the slightest way I feel the urge to point it out to them and take my revenge on them, even if it's something as stupid as driving too slow on the road or looking at me funny. I feel as if I'm going to explode if I let go of those feelings and let them feel as if they won. fuarrrk me.

>>75644 The hasidic jewish community and their beliefs paint a very poor picture for the jewish people as a whole. grow up. This is why more than half the population are naturally wary of you.

>>76317 If you're arguing with them, call them cluster-b. That usually either shuts them up or sets them chewing up the furniture, which is almost as good as you can just ignore after that.

>>75736 I like watching Ed too

>>75779 a cock ring? if it's symbolic, i'm not catching your drift.

Hello lain, good evening. I just want to say I am tired of staying up all night because in the morning it'll all begin again - people, work, etc. I know it's immature, but lain I'm getting worn down by the rat race and I'm still very young. Im thinking of going back to school just for a change. I know deep down it's not the job or school that'll fix it it's me. I need to chase the things that'll make me happy instead of the things that are safest - it's just scary. I want to write and build but I'm terrified I'll lose the small bit I've carved out for myself in this city. I've built a small home with someone I love and I can't bear to throw that away on a chance of my feeling fulfilled by quitting my job. She's said she'll stick through with me no matter what, but I don't want to test her like that. It's my job to sort my soykaf out, and she already does more than enough to help me. I need to figure out a way to do both. I'm going to work my job, project my home, and build something that makes me happy. I really need to lain :) it's just overwhelming sometimes.

I fuarrrking hate people. Why is it that most people I meet are all the same way. They seem like they have certain values or opinions when its just me and him talking but once a third person appears in the room they instantly change into whatever will result in getting more point from the third person, even if it means making fun of me in front of them. Especially with my guy "friends", if there's a girl in the room they act different all of a sudden and they try to belittle me in any way they can. They make fun of me for saying something that he would've agreed with if there was no girl in the room, but now he has to score some points so he can act however he wants. The tricky thing is that all this passes as just a joke because they're very good at hiding true intentions and they can say it in like a lighthearted manner, but subconsciously everyone in the room knows what's happening and they think less of me after he says the thing. So I can't even talk back to them because of what seems like a harmless joke, It would make me look even worse if I said anything in response. So I have to just laugh along with them and be a good boy. I hate people so much, I consider everyone who's like this a subhuman. They have no real values they just shapeshift into whatever the situation requires. I don't know if this only happens to me because it seems to me like no one else cares about this or they just don't even notice. I just can't stand inauthentic people.

today i cried like a bitch because i thought of all the depressed people in the world, alone, in despair, lost in the darkness and suicidal. a new post is made on /r/suicidewatch every few minutes or so. i cried like a bitch thinking about them because i emphasize, i know what it's like having known depression for 8 years now. and they are, to their core, little sparks of divine light, originally innocent souls, some so messed up by the life they've lived. i almost regard them as little animals of some sort, suffering undue torment, lost among events too big for them to wrap their head around. i want them to get better but i don't know how to help them at all, as you would think if i knew how, i would've helped myself already. and i'd be too introverted to help, probably. i made a quick prayer to god earlier, while, well, crying like a bitch. so if there is a god maybe it'll hear it and some good might happen. then again there are so many depressed and suicidal people all over the world, i know god's all tough love and all, maybe it makes sense in the grander plan, but jammit, i care... i'm not even really religious...

>>76336 Most people are like this. Most people are "in the center of the herd", that is where it's the safest. Most people don't have any real convictions and aren't bold enough to state it so. You will grow to hate them and then you will understand why and how they behave this way. This is why they are only mirroring each other most of the times, this is why people who "venture off" in thought and action are praised the most and attacked the most by society. This is why most people read news to form their opinions instead of looking at both sides and making their own opinions. Long story short, thinking is hard and effortful, and if done wrong can cause more issues and grief than just going along with the herd. Why waste all that effort and time when plans are already premade for me here? I will just follow the [physically big/tall/smart/handsome/popular] person. This is why most CEOs aren't true narcissists but autists trying to make their shtick work, to appear boastful to appease the masses as a "leader". This is also why decentralized distributed social hierarchy are not maintainable for long time. What I want you to realize is that any real "authentic person" as you would put it see relationship as superfluous or at most mutually beneficial and as a tool. Most "authentic people" are at their core a true loner that are goal oriented and would only enjoy others peoples company if it benefits their goals. The people you are looking for are those that don't exist. You want a comradery in community where everyone is equal and think the same. These kinds of groups work only as a form with goal in mind, eventually all groups crumble to the lowest common denominator which is either narcissistic hyperindividualism or sheepish herd mentality where few pull the strings. This is simple human behaviorism and anthropology that took me and I assume you a long time to understand. I watched standford and harvard lectures online to try to understand psychology and sociology. Now I can read people on "hello", which scared my therapist when I told her (5 sessions in) she probably has a mild case of ADHD which she confirmed, but I digress, just trying to examplify what I pointed to earlier by showing you how this effect probably has polarizing effect on you too. You either see me as a reveered person that has a lot of information on this topic or you think I am a charlatan. Either way, I suggest you a simple thing. Find your focus. Whatever it is. Stick with it. Find a way how you can be better at it. Find others that are good at it. Find a way you can help others become better at it. Create or piggy back off a community of it. You might feel alone and that your hobby or desires aren't really all that desired by people around you, right? This is why you rely on suboptimal solutions like liking people even though they don't like you back and allowing for them to abuse you because you don't want to "ruin your friendship"? You never had a friendship with them and you will not feel less lonely losing them. Find people you like, and there are alot of people like you, just google and try to find people like you. Hackerspaces, makerspaces, conferences, meetups, online forums where you might find people like you but eventually try to meet them IRL. I know how you feel because I was you some 15 years ago, but I assure you it gets better. You just have to find self worth and not allow others to stiffle your growth.

made a retarded decision to quit a job that payed me well, i won't be able to get a job that pays as well or is as bearable. i have no outlets so when i got too frustrated i made a bad decision I hate myself so much, i've been trying to grow up fro so long but I don't think its gonna happen at this point i don't want to be negative but the future is looking rough

The other day a girl saw my password and asked me "what goes on in your head?". I know it's not much but it got me thinking, how different am I from 'normal' people? For reference it was just something like q!7Xb@4nKr. Is that weird?

>>76351 Normal people have soykaf passwords.

>>76351 firefox creates such passwords by default. Thats the normal people reply if you dont want to look insane. If you need to know whats weird about it: its hard to memorize and something like "boringlongpassword" absolutely suffices

I feel like it's time for me to leave this board and engage more with real life, with real people. Spending time on imageboards is what initially informed my interest in Linux and to some extent programming, and it ended up getting me a nice job, but I think I have since graduated, so to speak. I'm not "better" than `all` of you, but better than a sufficient amount to the extent that I am no longer stimulated here. I might write up one more thread about bioenergetics (which has had a very significant impact in my life) and say adios.

>>76336 get back at them by sucking their cocks

>>76354 Lainon, you don't need to have it one way or the other. Normal people can have a social life and have a bit of time for the internet; you don't have to pretend to be some epic super hikki/NEET/nerdfad that only talks to people on the internet because he's just so "broken" and different. It makes sense to want to leave forever, but you don't have to if it you dont want to. But if you're bored of the site then yeah, I totally get that. This place plays like a broken record.

>>76351 most people have their name or nickname and number of year in their password like: >nicky05 >pinneapple1234

This chick I am interested in at work has been weird. I ignore her and I overheard her saying someone say he is ignoring me and then makes a random comment when I ask my boss something. I only backed off because she acted fuarrrking nervous when I talked to her and after a bit she shut down. I have another girl I have been talking to and it seemed like she talked to a lot of other guys on our team except me, until that comment. Idk might be trying to just get attention but I saw her staring at me before so who knows.

>>76366 honestly lain, leave your colleagues at a professional level. you never know what might happen a year from now and you don't want to be the matter of gossip around the office. just keep your head down and find life elsewhere because social life at work is just a sad circus.

>>76351 >Is that weird? No, but making up stories like this one is.

>>76367 It is a side job and so I am not as worried about it as much as my main job.

>>76373 Don't soykaf where you eat, never.

>>75777 >15/16 year old girls

>>75777 what kind of a girlfriend would you want to have if you could have any kind of girlfriend? Also what would you do with a girlfriend if you had one and what would be end goal with one? Framing your life as goal setting lets you keep tension off yourself and just having free floating goal setting desires where you can hopefully strive for

To be honest, I am not sure why I am even trying any more when it comes to college. Even though I have a perfect GPA, I still feel like I can not compete because there are hundreds of thousands of more who are more infinitely gifted and talented than I am. Everything feels so damn saturated because everyone and their mother has been told to go to college. I also do not have the social skills to make up for it, either. I am not able to have the spontaneity that others have in order to make new connections and network. I seriously need to start hunting for internships, but my anxiety about this is quite severe for some reason. It is like I am self-sabotaging. I just want to stop. At the same time, I don't know what other option there is other than college. Every option available feels like a meme. I know that if I were to become a NEET it would never work out long term. In addition, my anhedonia is so severe that there would be nothing meaningful or enjoyable for me to do as a NEET to pass the time, like watch anime, play video games, or read. Everything feels like a drudge - everything that once felt enjoyable or meaningful has been whisked away into a slurry of meaninglessness. Each day passes like it blends into the next without any sense of continuity - as if I am perceiving one snippet after another that just blinks into the next. I have improved my diet significantly and primarily eat clean, ensuring that I am receiving a good amount of protein. I take several mile walks daily and go to the gym. I am ensuring that I am receiving enough nutrients, but it never really does anything. I have attempted to view things on the bright side - to have positive thoughts regardless of the objective reality I see - but it is like trying to put out a forest fire with a squirt gun. In a sense, it feels like I am trying to delude myself into seeing a reality that does not exist. I have watched at the side as my classmates are able to connect with one an another, and I am simply left out whether I try to engage or not. My existence is disregarded. My time in college is running short, and time is running out to change things socially. They said college would be the place where everything would change - where you could "find your people" so to speak, but it has yet to happen. If anything, I have grown further alienated from humans on the basis that it is a reminder that I will never ever be like them. Every single person I meet ends up disliking me or ghosting me in some matter. I put a smile on my face and regurgitate whatever positive nonsense is expected of me whether I believe it or not. I try my hardest to believe it and internalize it deeply, but it does nothing. Whether I try to put up a normgroid face, "be myself," or do whatever, it makes no difference. Being around this stuff on a daily basis is just painful, and I want to do nothing more than spend 12 hours a day on imageboards where I can hear about people talk about life experiences that are actually relatable. I don't want to hear about the happy-go-lucky lives of normals and their friendshits anymore. Trying to integrate into the real world isn't working, and I am skeptical if it ever will. Generally, after all of these semesters of trying to improve myself, to put myself out there, to make meaningful changes, I am growing hateful as a result of the inadequate results of my efforts. I am also disgusted because of the sheer amount of dishonesty and virtue signalling I perceive on a daily basis. Normal people make me so sick it is unreal. They're all liars and only say and do things not because they care but because they want to ensure that people view them in a positive light. It wasn't that I was not aware of this, but rather, it came to the forefront of my mind as a result of being surrounded by it. I hate the social games people play. I loathe the mental gymnastics that people use to delude themselves. I want to run far, far away into the wilderness where I can be free of humans. I would then be happier.

>>76393 >They said college would be the place where everything would change - where you could "find your people" so to speak, but Naturally the idea that your environment will solve your problems is bullshit, and the "college experience" is largely a scam. What about this though; if someone did like you, and did make some effort to be your friend, how might that go, if only in your imagination? What would they do or say, versus what you would do or say? What would or wouldn't be realistic about it?

>>76393 i was in the exact situation as yours just a year ago and even if i dropped out, and i'm currently a neet searching for a job, i feel much better. I first realized that i was pressured to get to college and i did what i hated most (CS) without even realizing until the end of my first year, because i would hate working in the IT sector of today and i always liked the humanities more anyway. So i could never relate to the countless swarm of normal people who would watch anime every day in class - at maximum i could relate to the quiet depressed grown ups behind but they all got out like me. I also did the saturated reasoning and not only you are right, but if you ever want to get in these jobs be prepared to install and learn useless practices and software for years to come - unless you find a dead end job. Also, even if this is a career for very few people (not me) i still can't help but point how these subjects breed a hedonistic and terrible life. Remember those kids watching anime? Well, their future will consist of getting a underpaid internship, getting out of college ridden in debt, living in the city full of neurotic liars and delusional narcisists who always need more to consume and try to integrate in this system, while trying to follow what is no more: a career in a company for 40+ years; but <<OLD RESPECTFUL PEOPLE>> economy does not exist anymore. What i mean is that it brings to live in the city in a soykafty flat with a corporate jobs that will probably pay well (but not enough to buy a house like in the <<OLD RESPECTFUL PEOPLE>> economy) but at the end you will spend so much that it's just better fuarrrk off in the country with whatever job there is, and just to keep the sanity from the normal people around you. So let's not try to integrate in the world. Let's try to live our own life as we want to. Most people are in auto pilot and they don't realize it. It's not at all a matter of being smart, it's a matter of struggle and being able to challenge the status quo. It's ok to not integrate. Maybe you can relate to this, maybe not. Hope this helps anyway. why using the ***mer word keeps me from posting? replaced with OLD RESPECTFUL PEOPLE

>>6395 >Naturally the idea that your environment will solve your problems is bullshit, and the "college experience" is largely a scam. Ah, yes, I have fallen for the memes. Though, there are cases when someone's environment is so bad, for instance, like an extremely abusive situation, where leaving it does indeed lead to improvements. But I say that "touching grass" does nil unless you have the innate traits of a normal person. >What about this though; if someone did like you, and did make some effort to be your friend, how might that go, if only in your imagination? What would they do or say, versus what you would do or say? What would or wouldn't be realistic about it? I guess there would be a natural sense of connection and flow of conversation. They would put in effort to keep in contact. I would hope for this person to show more than indifference at my existence. I would think it is somewhat realistic in that I have no wish to be worshipped or anything like that. Though, it may be unrealistic as in many people are quite closed off in adulthood and already have existing friends/friend groups and do not want more new friends. >>76396 I really enjoyed your post, and I found that it hit the nail on the head as to some of the things I have been thinking. >So i could never relate to the countless swarm of normal people who would watch anime every day in class Ah, yes. It's all surface level stuff, I've noticed. They never really get into what they're interested very deeply, and it makes it hard to have a conversation with them. >Also, even if this is a career for very few people (not me) i still can't help but point how these subjects breed a hedonistic and terrible life. Indeed. They're being plunged into a rat race in which they're all trying to one-up each other for status based on materialistic possessions. It's very empty. They will put in fuarrrkloads of effort for minimal meaningful payback. >getting out of college ridden in debt Society is too non-chalant towards taking out fuarrrkloads of loans as if they were free money, and it is sickening. "Good debt" - there is no such thing. One must enslave themselves to appease society. It is probably filtering b**mer on the basis that it is a 4chan-esque term.

>>76393 I frankly am in a very similar situation as you. I fuarrrking hated the idea of getting into college because I knew it would lead me to mediocrity and knew there could be alternative ways, but my parents force me to because this is what I'm "expected" to do. It's only been a couple months ago in CS and just got started learning C there a bit, and most of the time in class is a waste of time so I spent a good time reading ebooks there but I still feel I'm going nowhere. I hate learning irrelevant things like math and circuit theory, and my colleagues there are just scrolling on Instagram like anyone else. Despite the fact that I know how to make friends now from the book above yet I just feel like I don't care about spending time with them anyway. I try not to "be myself" there and not talk about my "controversial" ideas just so that I won't be much more of an outcast. I have the textbooks on my eReader and just take a couple notes in class everytime. Now I struggle to just find as much time as I can for a way-out, even though I've been a fan of Luke Smith, installed Gentoo (but didn't use it), and had my own self-hosted site, I still feel like I can't do anything particular to freelance something just to prove these people that there are alternative ways to make a living. I just try to learn some more things and improve my lifestyle now to escape from this soykaffy technoindustrial society for life. >Generally, after all of these semesters of trying to improve myself, to put myself out there, to make meaningful changes If you want dramatic changes it must need dramatic efforts, implies you need some time being patient. I spent 2 months as an absolute noob installing Gentoo and eventually I did it. I just take baby steps and attempt to stop self-sabotaging myself mainly in procrastination. >I want to run far, far away into the wilderness where I can be free of humans. I would then be happier. Impressed to see lainons have pretty much the same goals as mine and I'm new here :)

I am in collage right now and it is significantly worse than i thought. Barely anyone in the class can understand a basic for loop, the friends i managed to keep have nothing in common with me. I see people around me having friendships but anyone i talk to for a long time ends up not being similar to me in the slightest and that fuels my want to just isolate myself I see people around me already formed their communities and i feel lonely. Most of my life i was a shut in neet with no friends and i have never felt lonely before.

>>76419 to be honest I didn't really meet anyone worth knowing in college until I started taking grad-level classes and hanging out with the math club. Depressed grad students are a lot more relatable than most undergrads.

>>76409 >even though I've been a fan of Luke Smith, installed Gentoo (but didn't use it), and had my own self-hosted site, I still feel like I can't do anything particular to freelance something This is so funny. Installing Gentoo and configuring pointless linux configs won't give you any valuable skills. No one cares about your linux setup, this is a peak /g/ post. No skilled programmer cares about the stupid soykaf you see in those videos, stop watching brainrot youtube channels these people just want to feel like part of a community so they build their identities on operating systems and setups they use.

My automatic response whenever anyone asks me how I'm doing is just to smile and say "Everything's going great!" This morning I woke up in a motel room and suddenly realized I have no friends or family and no one knows that I exist or cares about me and I just started sobbing and it's been 1 hour and I'm still crying. I usually don't care but today it's getting to me. Tomorrow might be better.

>>76393 funny, when I stopped trying to act normal people started liking me a lot more. At least for me, being honest with people and talking soykaf rather than trying to hold normal, formalized interactions has worked realtively well in finding people and getting close to them. Normal users know enough lying, superficial people in their own lives, so if you can be a genuine and honest person with them they will either reciprocate that or leave you alone. I've read that you said you tried being yourself before, but I'm putting this out anyways because it worked for me and actually trying something is better than crying like a bitch over your keyboard. If you really want to be a social dropout, try skateboarding. Thats's where all the burnouts wind up, so getting good at that will give you and outlet for frustrations.

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I made reservation to visit escort this saturday. I have not fapped since wednesday a week ago. I am battling thoughts - should i masturbate today or not? I fuarrrked only once but then i was not able to cum after half hour of fuarrrking - then i fapped twice a day before visit. I would like to finally cum from sex to see whats like, but i am worried that after week and half - i will cum just from looking at her, cum inside my pants or at her before she even put the rubber on me that. That would be cringe and i would probably have to pay twice. I dont know if fapping today and getting this buffer of 2 days would be healthy compromise. I doubt i can cum twice on 1 visit. After so many years of fapping i would cum twice from sex alone through refractionary period. Its not like my test is low, its 510 ng. What would you suggest to me?

>>76535 why would you go sleep with a hooker you scum? where are you asking people here for fap advice anyway? does this look like r/gooning to you? get your soykaf together

>>76538 this board is full of married normal users who actively propagate their deeply fake values. what's the point of reproaching him? he's just another virginity-is-treason poor wretch(USER WAS WARNED FOR THIS POST,Always argue in good faith and avoid using personal attacks.)

>>76538 >why would you go sleep with a hooker you scum? Because i want my orgasm to be with a real woman once in a while (which is i heard healthy because of hormones like oxytocin) and i dont keep any strong enough relationships with women who would want to do it with me for free, and i am not attractive enough so women on OLD wont reply to me. >>76539 >he's just another virginity-is-treason poor wretch This is assuming its only about social status and that you can get rid off your sexual desires or "redirect them to better things" which is pure bullshit. Man who wrote meditaion tutorial "Mind Illuminated" - man called by many "enlightened", as well-versed in buddhism philosophy as layman can be, yet he fuarrrked escorts till old age. If he was not able to get rid of sexual desires than who can?

>>76545 do or dont but writing nympo excuses on a anon forum is cringe

>>76546 no, i asked for advice

>>76545 > If he was not able to get rid of sexual desires than who can? anybody who calls his book 'mind illuminates' is not worth your time. people who called 'enlightened' in most cases are just assholes abusing some gullible dumbasses. simple as

>>76548 Hollier-than-thou attitude is pretty prevalent on this board I thought, maybe because most users are students in early 20s and young people are edgy idealists

>>76552 whom are you speaking to >most users are students in early 20s true. this is the reason internet is not good anymore. people in early 20s are not capable of discussing anything but porn, sex and drugs

>>76462 It's the next day and now I just feel angry. I should just go somewhere and be alone so I don't kill anybody.

>>76545 you are just making excuses for your bullshit. if you wanna fuarrrk hookers then fuarrrk hookers but dont come here whining about it and going all woe unto me and expect people to give you fap advice on a goddamn lain fansite. anon if you have such a low opinion of yourself and see sex as just a freebie why would anyone want a relationship with you anyway? get your soykaf together or go somewhere else to get masturbation advice

>>76563 I am not making excuses and i am not whining and i am not sure why are you trying to silence me. Its not like this imageboard is a temple for wise saints or whatever .Also >>76555 being young and naive is thinking you "above" such topics

To be alive you need water or you'll get dehydrated, food or you'll get too thin and die, heating and air conditioning because if you're not the right temperature you'll be in agony, and a house or a car to keep this conditioned air in. But all of these things cost money so you'll have to spend half your waking time at work. When you come home back to your home you don't get a virgin wife, if your lucky you get a woman who had three boyfriends before you. And if you don't like this deal and you try to kill yourself you'll get involuntarily committed or detained for three days.

>>76569 >is thinking you "above" wrong. i was saying that grown men at least have had a chance to educate themselves about something interesting, while young people haven't had enough time to do that.

>>76570 >wife that's where you made the wrong step >>76571 why? i don't try to conceal i'm an esl, but after reading a bit on wordreference, i only found another proof that english speakers are retarded. no one can answer why putting preposition in the end of a sentence while using 'whom' is incorrect and support his opinion with a reference grammar. they just kinda rely on their 'native experiences'. what a fuarrrking horrible language. what fuarrrking horrible bearers of the language. Jackie Chan was right hate english.

>>76573 while in your first statement I find no flaw I reject your critique of english law As speakers of english we set the rules which all you foreigners must learn in schools

>>76574 reject as much as you want to laws of yours i have no bond my fate is being hopeless ant thus preposition will be at the end!

>>76087 >>76088 Pls no KYS here. Have Birdy

They say time heals all wounds, I'm begining to believe this is false. It's been half a year since I parted with this girl and not for a minute had I stopped thinking about her. I happened upon her for the first time since and now she's even more present on my mind. My whole life is yearning for things I can't have. I have nothing, the one thing I cared for is gone. I just need to accept that this world is useless and nothing I'll ever do has any meaning, so it doesn't matter if I live a sad and unfulfiled life.

>>76615 you have never lost a kitten, lad. women are disposable. cats are unique and once it's gone you'll never find a true replacement.

>>76617 >t. incel

>>76636 lol normhurt no i'm not incel so try better next time

Here is my Christmas vent. The transformer agenda is out of control and has taken a foothold in humanity like never before. I highly encourage all of you to watch this video and to consider the direction of the human race at this time. >https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVtSvEBvIUk

>>76641 i am not going to watch that video, why would i even care about something as minor as humanity digging its own grave? humanity's been doing it for as long as it existed. i just can't comprehend why you care.

>>76642 This is a wage slave post or someone who has already been destroyed by nihilism. I do not care about helping to change humanity, I care about helping myself to avoid the fate of the doomed state of modernity, and by the Grace of God I am relatively satisfied with how much I have avoided it and will pray that I continue to. Do not let the state of the world be the state of the individual, if you do you only have yourself to blame. Merry fuarrrking Christmas anon.

>>76643 merry christmas to you too, but I dont see what good it does me to know whether or not porn is full of cryptotrannies when you can and probably should just steer clear of both in general. stuff like this just makes one mad. If I could do something about it, sure, maybe interesting. But I can't so idk why I should care. Or why (you) care.

>>76644 You should avoid it all indeed. But sadly I have not avoided it all. The person who showed me this site became a troon and is committing a slow suicide, look at the thread on social conformity for details since I have no need to repost the same information here. You can do something about it, you can avoid it and be aware of whats going on, thats the most important thing to do. It will not make you mad if you do not let it, but that takes time to become accustomed to the true nature of the Satanic society. Read The Protocols of The Learned Elders of Zion, and realize that it doesnt discuss Judaism or Zionism as it was historically understood in the Torah, but it discusses Satanism.

>>76644 Follow it all up with this video to take it to a much deeper level. This video changed my life a lot. >https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCiR3tAJY9g

>>76617 In 2009 a little girl knocked on my door and asked if I wanted a kitten, as she couldn't keep it. We bonded quickly and she never wanted to be without me. I worked from home for the first couple of years and didn't have people over that much, so she wasn't well socialized and would hide from almost everyone except me, unless they stayed around long enough. There were some gaps as I had to leave her at my mom's place from time to time, but I kept her close for the better part of about five years. In 2014 my car was totaled. I rented one at first, but it cost too much and I had to return it. I had neglected the rent in favor of being able to get to work, and ended up having to move out of my apartment and into an extended-stay place near work for a while. There were plenty of poor decisions thus far, but my real fuarrrk-up was leaving her at a friend's place while I tried to stabilize my situation. I should have known -- did suspect -- that he wouldn't care enough to secure the place enough. I should have known from how bitterly she wailed as I left that she would stop at nothing to get out and try to find me. When he told me she'd slipped out through a hole in the laundry room behind the dryer, I was too tired, hopeless, and chronically stoned to go out and look for her, even if I'd had a car to get over there with. But maybe I could have found a way. Maybe she would have still been around there and not, as I imagined, dead somewhere after setting out in whatever direction she thought our last place had been. Either way, she had never been an outside cat. Even though I never had her declawed as I know the cruelty of it, she knew nothing about surviving out there. If I had any optimism, it faded quickly. I failed her. I was her world, I was all she knew and all she wanted, and I failed her. I think this is the first time I've been able to think about it without falling apart, and that may be only because I'm shielded from the full effects of my emotions by an active near-daily meth habit. When visiting the friend several years later, I saw a tuxedo cat in the neighbor's yard. I thought it might be her, but I couldn't be sure, and if so, she didn't seem to recognize me. I can only hope that she was able to find a loving home and that I didn't leave her to her death. I haven't had a pet since.

>>76648 I love cats. Beasts aka Animals are wonderful beings and have a particular set of virtues not to be found amongst our fellow humans.

>>76648 lain i've had my kitten (also girl) poisoned just a few month before i still prefer not to think about because goddamn. and holy soykaf my story is almost exactly like yours. also found on street, also quick bond, also very very nice and very very friendly loving cat! i also think that >I failed her. even though i tried everything i could. and i also think that >it is the first time I've been able to think about it without falling apart but still i feel a bit shaky writing this post. thank you lain for writing this

At my limit now and I just dont want to exist at all. I still wont kill myself because I know I will feel better eventually. Just dont know when

>>76670 We all get there at some point. I know I have been. Hope your better on the next round fren.

>>76648 my cat was hit by a truck. spent weeks trying to nurse her back to health but it wasn't meant to be.

i'm extremely intelligent in all areas, speaking in terms other than "mainstream" education/intelligence, ala, studied psychiatrists. (these individuals are very fun to speak to, however i do not wish to consume grey matter destroying chemical lobotomy inducing m e d s, they're just fun to chat with, as they listen to everything an individual says seriously and carfeully, they're rather smart, but since they cannot insult or make an individual feel bad due to their profession, it's just a fun convo) i'm also extremely sensitive, due to circumstances that were out of my control, and now everything from the apple i consume being poison to my very being, depending on environment, who bought it, where i got it from etc .. (definitely more than mindset or mentality, kundalini is permanent and i have a constant reminder in every way, i wish i just dropped acid or something and went along my day, it's hard-ish to describe i may have adhd or is this nicotine effecting the way the brain functions i don't want to quit cool people do it and they're chads bro) i feel people may, "mistake" who i really am due to a few nonsensical things or perhaps in the way i may act. is this narcisism or some other thing that is now a constant reality due to being raped for life in the most torturous manner? actually, i keep feeling like something will happen if i relax. so i relax i die, and no, it's not fuarrrking karma and i don't deserve to be punished and tortured because i was "possessed" and fooled by .. i dislike the current judicial system across the globe. there is no, leeway, it's just, going by the book and no fuarrrking context clueing or anything. i unironically admire the intelligent fuarrrkers at the CIA, (alot of them are retards too, pencil pushers etc. .) and if you attempt to put me down or place any blame on me for anything or say the wrong thing in the wrong tone, you will dislike me.

>>76681 see and now this means im going to fuarrrking die. sometimes i hear a thought saying, "oh your [relative] just pulled up in the driveway" and ITS fuarrrkING TRUE. but then i hear a bunch of, "im dead", "your fuarrrking dead", your literally going to stop breathing and die, your having strokes, your having seizures, your brain stem is damaged, etc etc

>>76684 i expect everyone to know everything about me. this might be an issue, i get upset when people are insensitive to what causes me horrendous pain. le shondo trauma dumping. am i smart. stop posting. no one cares. t. lainchan mod (the last part starting with am i smart?)

>>76685 cool it with the stimulants. those voices you're hearing is you messing with you. clean up your mess, don't do drugs that help you forget it's there.

>>76674 Thanks lain. Today is a good day. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next week and hopefully she can help stabilize my emotions so I don't just randomly feel like soykaf for days.

I refuse to believe i had no teeth pain for 27 years of my life and then after few visits i am hearing root canal this, deep filling that and i feel fuarrrking pain AFTER the dentist visit and worst one during it, while i have felt nothing before it. I did brushed them twice a day, dentsists often (3 times i actually was on control visit) told me my teeth are in good state and now suddenly they all go to ruin. This is one big joke. And think that i can pay for 40 minutes of pleasure (sex with an escort) - 250$ and root canal procedure costs twice as much and its 3 hours of constant torture ( i have lot of sensitivity or maybe anesthesia has weak effect on me - because i did felt pretty bad pain during this filling - and all redditors says fillings and even RC is 100% pain-free! I feel i am going crazy!). This really makes you understand how terrible life of all of us is, how full of suffering it is, and how fragile and short glimpses of happiness are. I hate this joke of a life i wonder if we were all born in hell already. Did i mentioned that many people in my close family has mental problems like depression of border? Did i mentioned most of brothers, father , uncle - they all gone bald? Did i mentioned parents and my brother all got periodontisis in mid-age life and they lost all of their teeth? I hate how much of my suffering is because of subpar genetics i got, genetic trash i am and all of them. This fuarrrking determinism is killing me i am feeling like my fate is sealed.

>>76684 lolwut?

I'm too comfortable. I don't have any desire to be any happier than where I am right now. I'm only 30. There is going to be so much more life after this, and if this is where it stays, then I don't see the point in living that long. Realistically there are three routes here. a) stay this level of happy and die this level of happy b) things get worse and I try to be happy again c) something happens that can make me happier than this. I don't know how to reach (c), (a) seems pretty unlikely, which leave (b). I don't know man, this doesn't seem how people are supposed to live.

I don't care about anything anymore. Having friends, having a relationship, having a degree, having a job, politics, religion, sports, games, literature, all those things I used to care about just feel worthless now. I live just to keep myself alive now. Is it normal to feel this as a 23yo?

>>76732 Why is this so common now?

>>76732 I think I get what you feeling. Saying I don't care about these things at all is a stretch. But I don't know. I feel as if I am less naive now. It's way harder to care about things. I still care about a lot, but it's a different kind of care. I expect failure and/or disappointment everywhere in life, which makes it impossible to get emotional about things in this raw way.

>>76734 Perhaps because old people block potential opportunities for career advancement? Unless you work in a very fresh field, all the senior positions are taken. For the consum stuff like games/lit ... most of the stuff is repetitive. Sports, competitive gaming etc: due to worldwide comparison through social media you have no strong success stories yourself except the ones you are seeing online.

I guess we're the generation that saw Iraq and the 2008 crisis play out as kids and we could see adults sending our future down soykaf creek and then people tried to stop it with all the protests in 2011 and failed. So now we live in the era of doom where some people put their faith in a fat millionaire and others in an old war criminal with dementia and fight over dumb soykaf. The news media lies to us, there's no paying jobs, tribalism is at an all time high and everywhere you look nothing works. Literally nothing. I had to go to a hospital for heart problems at 27 and I ended up waiting for hours just to get a doc to press a stethoscope to my chest. It feels like Soviet Russia in the 80s. Its like we're witnessing the end of American capitalism. It will probably all collapse in a few decades. When I look at teens I feel sorry for them. We saw our future sink, they're growing up knowing they'll have no future. It is like kicking dead whales down the beach.

>>76734 The right answer isn't one that people like to hear. >>76738 It's because you're a trained hypermaterialist and are hardly living. Your first response to "why are we all sad" is in reference to wanting to toil. Your next response is that you aren't a main character from your own perspective. The hypermaterialistic point of view mixed with your hyperindividualistic point of view is toxic. I have a solution, but I will be shouted down and would not like to waste my time coming off like I'm just trying to start a flame war. So, it will be your own journey. Let me give you a hint. It's not a hedonism and its often both misunderstood and mocked/hated. I will conclude this by stating I was in this same position for more than 15 years and once I came to these conclusions and realizations, my life became significantly better and I've grown to be fairly content with life, regardless of what has been thrown at me and how tough things have gotten at times. Good luck, lainon.

>>76732 Now is the time to find something that actually matters and throw EVERYTHING at it.

>>76732 they feel worthless because you have them

>>76734 is it really? proof?? >>76732 >Is it normal to feel this if you are not diagnosed with mental illness then likely yes it's normal. but the question is why do you bother? do you seek approval or confirmation that you're not alone with these feelings? if i tell you that i don't care as well, will that make you happier? will that change anything in your life? maybe it's time to close the browser and read a book? page a day is better than 1000 posts a day.

>>76748 imo kinda but a bit different: shrinking novelty. Like throwing darts at a board - the first dart has the entire field but with every throw the available space shrinks and soon you will fail to hit free space. The more you experience the more anything new will be just a repetition of something you already experienced. I think craftsmen strive partly for perfection because its the only escape from the boredom of routine. There is nothing else to do when you repeat the same thing.

>76751 >page a day is better than 1000 posts a day. Not really. Depending on the board and the type of book you're reading, the chances of actually finding useful information from thousand posts on something like lainchan is still much higher than learning something new from a single page.

>>76757 Do you have statistic to back you up? Anyway if you are up to reading new yorks time bestseller tier dregs of course you are going to have better luck reading lainchan's 1000000000s discussion about LINUX. It is not easy to find a good book, but think about it. You read page a day. Little, but not zero. You might get enthusiastic and read more pages, say 3 or 5 or even 7 or 10. This way you are able to quickly determine if the book poses any value to you. It may be boring, but contain useful information, so you'll go for it. It may be not very knowledgeable, but still very interesting, so – again – you'll go for it. And finally, you may find the book to be not worth it, so you throw it away. Now let's calculate. Say the length of your post is average. It is 290 characters. The Discourses of Epictetus are approximately 608 626 characters long, but actually less because of spaces and some formatting. Let's round to 600 000. This way 100 posts are 29000 characters which is around 5%. Okay, lets then take 210 posts, which will be a bit more than 10%. 10% is enough to decide if the book is good for you or not. Well, well, Epictetus did not have very long lecturers. Let's take something... I don't know! Let me check my library! I took the Lord of the Rings ebook I had and converted it to .txt file using calibre with no modifications at all. Formatting is bad of course. It is 2842244 characters long. Let's round to 2840000. This book is quite long, and yet 500 posts are 5%. For such a book 5% is enough to see its value. Nope? Than 1000 posts will definitely be enough. Now look very carefully. How many posts do you have usually on lainchan? /hum/ has seen 19 posts this day. Okay, let's say 25, plus other boards, let's round to 100. I don't think you visit every board and read every single post, so it's actually 60-80 per day, okay, say 80. We have 80 posts a day to read. How often do you see something of *value*? I personally only see something interesting once in a month and that not always. It can be stagnant for more. Okay, let's be generous and say you find something interesting every three weeks. It is 21 days. It is 21 * 80 = 1680 posts. Then, is every book interesting? Certainly not. We make a lot of assumptions which make our predictions not precise, but let's say you are able to find books in such a way that every tenth is interesting. It *is* possible. Let's also say that to be careful when choosing books you also spend equivalent of 80 posts reading descriptions for each book. Altogether we have 1080 posts to find a book and decide if it's interesting, so it makes 10800 posts to find a good book of 2840000 (!!!) characters long. Now, lad, 10800 / 1680 = 6 approximately and I floored it! This way in the equivalent amount of read characters you find 6 interesting posts against one interesting book. But 6 interesting posts are at best 8000-10000 characters long. Okay, let's ceil it, so we have 10000 * 6 = 60000 interesting characters in posts, against 2840000 interesting characters in a book. 2840000 / 60000 = 47.3. fuarrrk I think I should have read a book instead of doing this soykaf.

>>76760 Also, let's assume you need equivalent of 40 posts to decide if you will bother learning about the book further. Let's also assume you skip 10 books before finding one. That makes + equivalent of 400 posts for each book, that is 1480. So altogether equivalent of 14800 posts for a book you like. That is 14800/1680 = 9. So you have 90000 interesting characters in posts against 2840000 in a book. Plus I did some removal of blank lines and got 2820000 characters instead. So we have 2820000/90000 = 31. Still 31 times more interesting information in books than posts. The assumptions are very crude, but they are so both for good posts and good books so I hope it is not very far from being adequate.

I make the median income for my county. Why am I still homeless? What the fuarrrk are 20,000 people doing that I'm not

>>76778 my guess is minmaxing welfare & tax avoidance (the legal form of evasion)

>>76757 All the bad posts arent just useless,they poison the mind and soul

Do you guys have any advice for someone that had lost everything but still has hope for the future?

>>76760 No, I was just using my logic. My initial post was just answer to the single-page statement. I didn't take into account the scaling because that wasn't part of the original post, but if we did then of course the amount of useful information increases. But reading a daily page of Twilight (book) instead of (god forbid) thousand posts from 4chan /sci/ is still worse because we can compare the value of information between these two. Now what is information, that's another question entirely.

>>76760 >>76766 >Anyway if you are up to reading new yorks time bestseller tier dregs of course you are going to have better luck reading lainchan's 1000000000s discussion about LINUX. It is not easy to find a good book, but think about it. I don't think there are only Linux-posts on Lainchan. There's a lot of talk about programming and (some) natural sciences to boot, with better discussion environment than in that other Mongolian basket-weaving forum. >Then, is every book interesting? Certainly not. We make a lot of assumptions which make our predictions not precise, but let's say you are able to find books in such a way that every tenth is interesting. It *is* possible. Let's also say that to be careful when choosing books you also spend equivalent of 80 posts reading descriptions for each book. Altogether we have 1080 posts to find a book and decide if it's interesting, so it makes 10800 posts to find a good book of 2840000 (!!!) characters long. >So altogether equivalent of 14800 posts for a book you like. Based on your post, am I to assume that to you the value of information is based on the interest of the reader? For me, the value of information has nothing to do with the interest of the reader. I'm basing it more on it's fundamental principles. Going by your logic, the average Harlequin Romance novel has more value than Modern Nuclear Physics book because it's more interesting to the reader, which is obviously nonsense.

>have moderate inattentive ADHD >spend daytime hours doing nothing >literally nothing just can’t be bothered >everything is too overwhelming >2am >absolute tranquility - i’m alone with my thoughts >get a sudden spike or urge to conquer the world and climb mountains (methaphorically) >go to sleep >repeat help

>>76791 I suffer from similar, i think its from a chronic candida & h pylori infection. In my case food doesn't digest properly and doesn't energize me, my gut is a mess. I think i have to try more extreme measures with my diet. I hate how noisy and busy it is in the day, then its suddenly night it's quiet and i feel better. If i go to bed i have to face tomorrow sooner and don't sleep much better, if i stay up i get a little relief but tomorrow may be worse. Either way nothing changes its like nothing i do impacts anything.

>>76791 I had the same thing until I got diagnosed and on long-release dopaminergic stimulants instead of pounding caffeine and sugar. Even more than executive function it snapped me into a much better sleep schedule and deeper sleep, which really helped. It's amazing what feeling excellently rested and comfortable in your own skin can do for your motovation; even on days where I forget to take my dose until too late and have to wait a day to not be up all night I feel basically no desire for caffeine or comfort foods/drugs and laziness like I used to. Even on days I need to take a break I'm much better at relaxing and doing something I'll find fulfilling than just sitting around. If you can't get the medical stuff, Benzedrex (Propylhexedrine) is a moderately helpful ersatz drug for OTC self-medication. Just be careful with it, because its nasal administration and not targeted for focus, so it's both less powerful and more addictive. Take small doses, like one or two, semi-frequently through the first two thirds or so of the waking day. The other lainon is also right that "mild" inflammatory conditions like intestinal bacterial syndromes will really hurt your wellness over time at a way lower level than they'll cause symptoms a gp will worry about. It's worth trying out a couple medium-handed treatments to see if anything works for you. I did ten weeks of a meat-eggs-butter and multivitamin diet and digested much better afterwards after getting a round of prednisone for a nasty spider bite and realizing I felt invincible.

I'm scared of time Lain. I'm nearly at the end of my studies after two years and three months. For the first year life felt like it was going wonderfully. Living on my own twenty minutes from where I studied, wandering a new city, new friends, new experiences. After that first year I had to move quite far away and start commuting. 4 hours per day just to and from my school. It's been exhausting. I think worse though is that I'm beginning to feel scared at how fast time goes. 4 hours of my day just disappear, entire months go by in a whirlwind of stress and work. It hasn't helped that my financial situation has become worse and worse throughout 2023. If that weren't enough life keeps hitting we with more bad fortune. A month ago I was riding in the front carriage of a train that someone jumped in front of. I felt the bump. I feel like that effected me in some way, but I haven't been able to even feel that because I'm constantly just trying to maintain stability and get through the week. I want to go back to being the happy and bright eyed 18 year old I began my studies as. I even would take just going back to being as happy as I was before 2023. I feel like I've been ground down into dust. I might have the opportunity to move back this year, but even the prospect of that doesn't excite me; it feels like more and more nothing excites me. I'm just managing the exhaustion.

>>76798 I used to have to do 4 hours commuting. It completely emotionally destroyed me. The psychological cost is immense and can affect you for the rest of your life.

>>76798 My old commute wasn't this long, but it got much better after I bought an audible subscription snd started listening to nonfiction audiobooks, and then added on things like MIT OCW lectures. It felt more like I was working and taking night classes in classics or politics or statistics at the local community college instead of working and burning two hours in traffic. I was actually getting around to things I'd wished I knew but thought I was to busy for. If you haven't tried that maybe give it a shot? Four hours is enough time for a little under a book a day, and that really stacks up over the course of a year.

>>76799 Emotional destruction seems like the right description, and you're right about the cost. Some days I barely feel human, just an automaton being repeatedly pressed through gears. I really hope the damage doesn't last, but I don't know. Hope your life is better now Lain. >>76800 Thanks Lain, I hadn't thought about audiobooks. Previously I'd been reading on an e-reader and it felt good to be reading so much, but at a certain point I just was so exhausted that I couldn't put my head through much more. I think maybe listening rather than reading would help.

Do I even exist? I swear Ive been struggling with my identity forever. I have a lot of external characteristics but it feels like at my core there is literally nothingness. Nothing inside my mind is internal to me. What my mind does, my personality, likes and dislikes are as relevant to my 'self' as what clothes I happen to be wearing. Am I dissociating, and if so, is this a bad thing?

Just found out I have emphysema and severe sleep apnea in my 20s. I have never smoked, just bad genes (alpha-1-antitrypsin deficiency).

well my laptop and desktop pc arent fuarrrking working anymore no matter what i do and i am destitute and powerless to fix them, every fuarrrking drive i put in them fails and yet technicians say there's nothing wrong, yet i can only have an os run for 2 days before the filesystem decides to die, so i guess i am just cursed

It's always amusing seeing how people react to me not caring about being right and knowing things. It's like if you're a programmer you're supposed to base your whole personality on your knowledge and being right in front of others. I can feel how anxious everyone is about proving others wrong and even though I know more than my peers I don't care at all because I have other things I like to do in life so my self-worth doesn't depend on my programming skills and I can sense how others are confused when they notice I don't care about things that they're very defensive about and yet I'm still better than them at the said things.

I think I'm jsut about done with the internet. Forums, chans, etc. I'm either just realizing it'd driven me insane, or realizing that I'm going mad. People are just so braindead, it's unbearable incomprehensible. It's surreal. These THINGS are not human in the way I am. And I've finally truly accepted it. The part of me that wondered if we made a mistake can finally fade away.

I don't think happiness is written in my book. I'm gay in a muslim country. I've never been intimate with anyone in any way in my life. My family has been pressuring me more with marriage lately. On the surface I seem pretty decent- if a bit stoic. Good face, decent looks, well-payed job. I've had to go through marriage interviews before.. And in turn had to reject girls without citing the real reason. I'm just fuarrrked. Mentally, completely gone

Well I'm back here again, sadly. Since I last posted here like 3 years ago a lot has happened but it turns out long term happiness and wellbeing just doesn't work out for me. I've gone through one long term relationship which felt good to begin with but got sour after aboyt a year and a half. Managed to finally get my own place and that too felt nice but I can't shake the feeling that I'm just so misplaced. I don't belong. Strongly considering buying some tram and od'ing.

>>76827 tramadol is really hard to OD on- you're more likely just to get seizures from serotonin reuptake iirc. Instead use an exit bag instead (iirc pure CO2 or some such thing will do the trick)- search it. But you probably shouldn't neck urself lainanon.

>>76816 They are human, that's the problem. Autists and schizos transcend the flaws of humanity. Average men are burdened by constant horniness their entire lives, while schizos and autists can have desexualized minds like Newton which leaves them free to pursue whatever passion they want. Normal people can only conceive of what's in front of them, while schizos can map out the entire world in an elaborate web of concepts, down to the smallest detail in a blade of grass. Average people work a 9 to 5, watch Netflix for 6 hours and are content, while autists and schizos will go nuts if they don't have opportunities to learn and grow or things to develop. You can't judge them by your own standards. Just avoid being around them, unless you want to constantly question your sanity. If you surround yourself with normal people, their values will contaminate your world view and make you question your own reality. The only answer is to stop being around them.

>>76832 stop uplifting autists so much, lol. Most of them spend their days doing stupid soykaf like watching cartoons or something of the ilk

>>76832 Very well said. Avoiding average people is so hard though. >>76845 We live in the most oppressive time that has ever existed for such people in human history. It's not their fault. These days if you arent normal, social, or born with riches, there is rarely a way to live with any sense of grace. It's like being born in a prison camp with regular torture through all phases of childhood, since the modern school system, psychiatric system, and employment system are all intentionally designed to mutilate any uncontrollable elements.

>>76847 >We live in the most oppressive time that has ever existed for such people in human history. that is a fuarrrking lie and a half

>>76848 Vigorously disagree. In every other period, there have been many farmers, monks, academic positions, etc that provide means of survival for such people.

>>76849 yes, like the 1800's and up until the late 60's when retards were either institutionalized, lobotomized, or shot.

>>76850 I'm not talking about "retards"

>Driving earlier today on country road >suddenly see a dog standing in the road >start slowing down >It's in the oncoming lane so I don't hit it >doesn't move at all as my car passes >pull over to the side of the road >approach the dog and it runs away, off the road >consider whether I should approach one of the nearby houses and knock on the door >decide not to, get back in car and continue on my way >a few hours later >driving back home >there's a huge spot of blood on the road in the spot the dog had been standing I feel horrible. I wish I approached the closest house. It's not like I had the idea in hindsight, I had thought of the right thing to do, and I dismissed it. Had I done that, maybe the dog wouldn't have been back in the road and been hit. Even when my conscience told me the right thing to do, I ignored it. And look what happened.

>>76854 Every decision we make can't be the right one. Don't beat yourself up. You didn't hit the dog and ultimately the dog's safety was the owner's responsibility. Getting out and approaching the dog was more than what most people would do.

>>76850 lobotomies never went away, they just do them chemically with drugs like "antidepressants"

>>76856 I've spend six years of my life studying that soykaf. I'm pretty sure that anyone with basic knowledge of how these work won't call them lobotomies, even the cases with the side-effects are not even close to lobotomies. The fact though that you're getting "treated" when your depression is a normal bodily response to the fuarrrking soykaf enviroment you have to survive in (no running, hunting for food less endorphins but more stressors as they used to exist such as anxiety to be fed). There used to be a balance between being worried for food but also run for it. Now ironically a lot of people might have less access to food cause it economically depended , they are not simply allowed to hunt or to conjure up land to produce their own life stock. So the soykaf situation is not the medicine in itself but that it could be avoided in a lot of cases if living conditions where better.

>>76828 Huh, I was under the assumption that opiate overdose would just stop your heart. Felt like a peaceful way to end it.

>>76859 normal opiates kill you by stopping your breathing which btw if you fail to die is really, REALLY unpleasant (also comes with crippling nausea etc.) but tram is not a normal opiate: "Tramadol, sold under the brand name Ultram among others,[1] is an opioid pain medication and a serotonin–norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (SNRI)..." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tramadol the snri part is bad news at high doses, this is why real opi uses can't use tram to get off, they just get SNRI-sick instead long story short: easiest way to die is a helium exit bag helium is legal and easy to buy get a big tank, hook up a tube to a simple mask, strap to your face, die. stupid, but that's your life lain-friend. better idea is to fix urself.

>>76860 if you do that be damn sure there's no oxygen mixed in i don't want anyone to get brain damage

>>76860 >>76862 Yeah that's why I no longer trust helium as a way out. fuarrrk it, fentanyl supposedly kills loads of people every year, wouldn't that work?

>>76862 >worried there's oxygen mixed in I'd suggest argon, used in welding so if they slip in bonus oxygen thats likely a real problem. If you have a helium cylinder and are worried about o2 adulteration, test how well it extinguishes a flame. suiciders these days

>>76845 This is pretty much what I was talking about, an extremely stupid, aimless, flailing, and essentially "needy" reply. This person knows nothing about what they're saying and just wants to vent and get you to react to the heuristics and internal phantoms they've created in their mind. It's a matter of reified internal objects, but it comes with this surreal and inhuman lack of self awareness. I can apply "theory of mind" to pick apart why this person is doing what it's doing. Ultimately I'm in control anyway, and I can simply ignore it or try to factor it into a broader model of the world. But even then it's so vague, so diffuse, so baseless, hollow, out of context, unrooted. Useless. Why bother allow such trash to stream through my mind at all? What am I expecting to use it for, why would I have to forcibly transmute suych low quality inputs into something of substance at all? When I can just avoid it instead. The retarded image is the cherry on top, of course. I'm not going to leave it unsaid. >>76832 I've kind of gone full circle. Growing upI knew intuitively, on a deep level, that people who were socialized were also clearly made dumber and worse for it. It degraded them somehow, dumbed them down. If you spend too much time interacting with stupid people you start to become stupid yourself. Then of course I got to be old(er) and some part of thought did I make a mistake and everything I regretted, every mistake, everything I could have done differently... but I think I see it again. Time to let go.

>>76866 > If you spend too much time interacting with stupid people you start to become stupid yourself. Functionally anyway. Because you've experienced maladapted overtraining to a loq uality environment. Something retarded is the most common and therefore expected input, so you start to have stupid ideas anchored on the more superficial layers because you're having to contrast or deal with them so often. I've been thinking about psychology for most of my life, since early childhood. From brainwashing, to social engineering, to early childhood development. At this point I just think that the physical body is not an "antenna" for the "soul" (which is a semi discrete waveform), but rather souls are more like granular units. And they are finite. Whether as a pool or a chamber of guf deal, there are limited humans that have a "divine spark". The others lack something fundamental.

>>76866 Humans are unique in their good qualities but alike in their bad ones, and when you gather a ton of people in the same place, the group will tend towards the lowest common denominator like money, sex, fashion, etc. Even your most hated enemies probably have some good qualities, but these qualities are erased in group dynamics. It's like how in the first 1-2 decades of television, people believed it would be a tool to educate the masses and uplift them to a higher universal standard. But by the 1970s networks knew these programs had abysmal viewership, so educational TV died. Even shows like Sesame Street got watered down because they were "too educational". The same is happening to the internet. I dunno man. I do believe humans are more complicated than just "hairless monkeys that want to fuarrrk". We feel guilty when we indulge too much in these desires, but why? A chimp wouldn't feel that way. If we spend 12 hours on Youtube, our brain tells us "please stop this and do something meaningful". I think most people have a hidden good side, but this world is designed to conceal that and get us talking about porn, memes, politics, etc. instead. And so right now, it feels like isolation is the only answer. Because 99% of communities out there? They're only going to keep you trapped in the same meaningless stuff as always.

>>76872 there is a term in business which name i forgot but what's important is the statement: most managers dont hire people above their own level because they feel threatened by smarter people. This creates a cycle of fools hiring greater fools which kills organizations longterm. And this is probably the real cause for decline. Government funded institutions are under less pressure so the rot takes longer to kill the host. Taxfunded tv stations were never under pressure to get viewers but they still moved from educational content showcasing chemistry and physics to trailer trash entertainment. And their original task was literally education funded by tax for the public. Of course that's impossible when you hire failures who never understood enough to teach.

Ah the delusional daydreams of all the things I would never accomplish or dare do or have reason to do... haha power

>>76826 You can't pretend to be asexual or smth to avoid forced marriage like some gay people do in extremely religious christian families, right?

Circa 1.5 years ago I contracted a very dangerous infection, and ultimately I ended up in a hospital after less than 24 hours. From what I've been told, by the time I arrived at the hospital, I was unconscious and the infection has developed into sepsis over that time span. I don't want to delve into the details of what exactly happened, but afterwards I had to stay there for a full month without being allowed to eat any food, relying only on IVs. The reason why I'm even bringing this up, is that I feel like I've got permanent brain damage from that event. I can't shake off the feeling that some of my cognitive skills have severely deteriorated. Although I've managed to regain some of them through training, some things just feel impossible to relearn. Has any lainon here experienced anything like this?

>>76878 I had difficulty due to upper cervical spine issues, brainstem torsion,a nd bloodflow issues to the anterior cerebellum and other areas. Like a repetitive concussion. Focus on high quality diet, supplements, and mind over matter. This is your journey to the underworld, a deatha nd rebirth allegory. You can emerge from the darkness below the waves and regain and forcibly regenerate yourself. To say you "trained" doesn't necessarily mean you believed, rather it cna easily lead a person to a mental framework of "compensating". Your brain is basically a puppet and it'll just take on any role it's programmed to imitate, including one of being damaged. This is hard to believe, but after a decade+ of torture I finally accepted it and I've found it to be true.

I sometimes wonder if I have one of the worst medical conditions humanly possible. You see, I grew up a normal kid -- a loner, but with a few friends. Around when I turned 15 though, something strange began to happen. I would go to movies and just feel... nothing. Play games and feel bored. Eat any food and it tasted like cardboard. And talking with people was no longer fun. At first, "Oh it's depression" was the answer. But depression moves in phases, while this...? It never went away. All my emotions and physical feelings got like vacuum-sucked out of my body and never came back. I have brief recollections of what it's like to be normal -- to look at an attractive person and feel positive things inside, to look at a pretty sunset and feel a sense of melancholic beauty. Instead, I just feel nothing. All the time. I get the sense whatever I have is an incredibly rare, unknown condition. My own psychiatrist says it's schizophrenia, but while some of the symptoms match, I've never had psychosis, delusions, or unorganized thinking. Further, the level of emotionless-ness and lack of pleasure I experience 24/7 is almost unheard of in nature, and generally only occurs on strong doses of anti-psychotics like Invega Sustenna. When I take really high doses of stimulants, I start to feel normal again, but it fades quick. I think if researchers understood just how weird I am they'd be interested, but emailing out "Hey guys I have a nightmarish new mental illness!" to a bunch of labs doesn't seem like a bright idea. Typically doctors try to categorize you into a neat little box, and when you don't fit into the box, they either shove you in there anyway, or angrily insist you're lying about the symptoms and/or a hypochondriac. But maybe I should just shoot my shot anyways. This "condition" has taken 10 years of my life, and will probably steal the rest unless I can solve it.

>>76928 Vaccinations and injections. Lot of boosters are given around 14 and 15, and the damage from what they injected before also starts to culminate in sucha way where aspects of your body begins to collapse. Mind as well. 15 is also when people may be getting cell phones and a lot of wireless exposure. Lastly your higher self may have been trying to break you out of those scripts. Anhedonia isn't really that uncommon, along with schizoid-like apathy and split mind stuff and so on.

>>76930 >Anhedonia isn't really that uncommon I can tell you, it is. How often do you see people panicking over their inability to feel pleasure? The answer is, you never do unless you visit the Bluelight forums or the anhedonia subreddit. It's impossible for 99.9% of people to experience anhedonia unless they are on strong antipsychotics or have a particularly bad depressive episode. If anhedonia really were common, you'd see more people talking about it because it's a total nightmare. But I feel no matter how well I may express myself, there's a huge likelihood you (or anyone else) simply can't understand what I mean. To me, it feels like it should be easy to explain. But whenever I attempt to do so, the meaning totally flies over the other person's head. If you were in my shoes, you would know that deep down that this condition is incredibly rare. It's equivalent to a healthy person telling a severely depressed person, "Don't worry, we all feel sad sometimes". No healthy person will ever deal with the sadness of a severely depressed person, in fact they cannot fathom it's even possible to feel that way. The same thing is likewise occurring here.

>>76932 You're lost in the sensation of being unique. That your case is not only abnormal and special, but uniquely special. This is not an insult or dismissal, nor is it framing your issues as psychogenic, simply an observation based on experience. Things will happen, it will change. Possibly improve, ultimately. Just the way it goes.

>>76932 not him but I didnt realize it was something to panic over. >>76930 >15 is when people get cellphones buddy-o mine its a lot younger than that these days. >>76877 why would being asexual be a valid excuse to not be married. Better to fain some sort of serious medical condition that makes you a poor choice for breeding, if you really want to avoid it. anyway just dont be gay (nor muslim).

>>76933 Yeah, as I expected you can't understand it. That's not your fault, it is what it is.

>>76937 Nope, lived through it. You'll be fine... or something, eventually.

>>76878 >Has any lainon here experienced anything like this? I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and the illness and the meds are both making me much more slower mentally and I feel that I lost some IQ points. My doc said that I probably need to switch to yet another neuroleptic drug soon because bloodwork revealed that the current antipsychotic is stressing my liver too much (in the long term) and it's not helping with my negative symptoms. >>76928 I don't want to make you feel more worried or stressed but a few years before I got diagnosed, I started to have a bit similar problems as you. I feel that social isolation made it worse. I still have these problems but now I also have disorganized thinking, general lack of motivation and interest, difficulty concentrating, some positive symptoms and side-effects from meds.

>>76939 Get off grains and get tested for mold. Could be MTHFR, metals as well. Something in your gut basically, remove it with boron.

>>76934 >buddy-o mine its a lot younger than that these days. >these days I had at least three different cell phones and a pager that received SMS by the time I was 10, git gud scrubs P.S. not trolling

>>76944 Here's why that's a BAD thing Lain

>>76826 You're not gay, you have hormonal problems.

>>76847 >We live in the most oppressive time that has ever existed for such people in human history you're delusional. that type of person isn't the one that would live and breed anytime before the invention of social welfare >>76866 >waaa waaa you're sooo dumb i won't even respond to you okay, can you explain how watching cartoons all day is a good thing? i've befriended autists and they're not close to what has been described, they're closer to the 'does one thing all day' demographic. Schizos have too much of their heads up their asses to ever change anything in the world. It's all fuarrrked. get used to people's soykaf or accept being alone. Others would have to accept your soykaf, too. it's a collaborative effort the truth is that all humans fuarrrking suck, anon included, and lainon just doesn't want to cope with that for his brain chemical release.

>>76962 >>waaa waaa you're sooo dumb i won't even respond to you Again, this is the same behavior I'm talking about. It's formulaic, shallow, surreal, and inhuman. It's as though you're "mind blind", you lack a theory of mind and reality testing, so you just sort of pattern match and cobble together phrases based on the perceived outcome the last time you used it. So you'll learn a certain trick worked in another context, then you'll blindly apply it to other contexts where it makes no sense. Because it's strictly sensory based pattern matching. Black box testing. And all you're after is some worthless emotional state within a relative positioning dominant strictly imaginary psychosocial ecology. In other words, you want to feel in control and preemptively go on the attack. It's a group dynamics thing. It's social. There's nothing else within you. So you start with an attempt at mockery. I'm sure you don't actually comprehend what you're doing or whay, but this is known as establishing a frame. This is what you hope to build on with further characterizations strung together later. So you build on the strawman with: >okay, can you explain how watching cartoons all day is a good thing? This is basically a charactgerization, wrapped in a narrativization.... and delivered as a laoded question. Which mind you is not meant to give it more credit than it deserves, it's really simple and kind of dim, but *annoyng* nonetheless. >chizos have too much of their heads up their asses to ever change anything in the world. It's all fuarrrked. get used to people's soykaf or accept being alone. Others would have to accept your soykaf, too. it's a collaborative effort These are just internal objects and stimuli you expect me to react to, not realizing that they're not shared structures. It's not a common medium, and is just a bunch of stuff you've tacked on out of nowhere. Which I'm refusing to work with in order to expand the scope of the conversation, because the person I'm dealing with has shown no indication of good faith or even consciousness around what they're doing and why. Nothing good will come of it. >the truth is that all humans fuarrrking suck, anon included, and lainon just doesn't want to cope with that for his brain chemical release. This is the only relevant line, given that it conveys a certain cognitive-emotional-motivational model behind human behavior and (self serving) perceptual filtering. You could have just made your case directly and plainly, but instead you relied on memes and hyper-reality oversocialized frankly degenerate conditioned behaviors. You act like a spaz and probably have a porn and video games, not to mention imageboard scrolling, fried brain. I'm not going to try to work with this. Your conduct is soykaf and your output is useless. Nothing you just said is something I couldn't have gotten by talking to a brick wall.

>>76816 Restating this, but this time for realz. Feel totally drained and scattered with nothing lasting or tangible to show for it. Not a hard net negative, but not a positive either. Just waste. Was away from home for like a week a while back, felt better than ever. Part of this was probably being away from the house itself (probable mold, chemical exposure), part of it was the lack of distraction and internet bullshit where you're basically constantly fed an endless stream of bizarre stimuli that come from creatures that are completely unrelateable. This, at least in my current state of mind where I can't coldly separate from others and view them as another form of life, strains and severely degrades the mind. There is something extremely stressful about it and it builds in the back of your mind.

>>77005 I don't really know what you are talking about but the images look nice. Have you ever tried waking up and not reading the internet? I think it is nice sometimes and I have forced myself to do it when I really needed to focus. The way I have seen it described is putting other people's thoughts in your head. It's nice to not put other people's thoughts in your head in the morning.

>>76832 If you have such high opinions of autistic and schizophrenic people, you have never met an autistic or schizophrenic person.

>>77039 Not that anon and I don't exactly disagree, but the overall tone leaves a lot to be desired. Learn something from everyone you meet, otherwise (in Masonic terms) your mentality is that of an animal, living the checkered life of base consciousness.

This is my first time using this site or any kind of chan at all. I just want to talk about my friend. He's been there since I was 6 years old but now he's being a little to close to suicide. he tried 3 times already and I can't see him go. I feel like the next time I call or try to talk to him he won't be there I don't know what to do I wish I wasn't alive to be honest. My mentality has been pretty soykaf over the 2 years and seeing him like this is Makeing it much worst I just hop he dosnt try agian. And sorry if I wasn't supposed to post this here I really don't know much of anything ha.

locked eyes with a pretty girl today and we both smiled at each other. it was really nice and I knew what it meant, but I didn't take action. it's gonna feed my ego for the next few weeks, but I'm already thinking ahead about years down the line when I recall yet another opportunity I let pass up. here's to the hiki life. cheers.

>>77179 >I knew what it meant Sometimes, it's just a smile. You do know it's polite to smile at people, right?

>>77179 >what if she was the one? kek. we men always think that women like us when they're just being nice. and when we are "friends" with them we inevitably overestimate that they like us and THEY underestimate it. Fuarrrk I remember how pathetic I look when I was sticking with a few girls who don't give a fuarrrk and thought one of them was the "ones" ignoring all the time she wastes on fuarrrking tiktok lol

I figured out how to function with normal people. Basically there's no other way than to be straight up rude to them, I can get along if I want to and act normal but they always go too far, ask personal questions that I don't want to answer, and in general think they're my friend when they're not. Even though I've never given any hints that I'm willing to open up to them. As soon as they interact with me and think that I'm "one of them" they start treating me as such and ask me to do things I don't want to do and I can't just say "I don't want to" because they already accepted me as one of their "tribe" and It's my fault because I let them do that. In order to avoid this I can't even be nice to them. I mean, I can be in certain interactions but once I detect they are trying to go too far I can just tell them to fuarrrk off, and I sound like an asshole when I do this and I am. It's not them it's me, I'm not supposed to exist but I do and this is the only way I can survive so It's like necessary evil that I have to be an asshole to them so that they know there's a barrier that they can't cross. I've tried everything and nothing else works so I'm resorting to this and it's working so far. I'm pretty good at detecting people from first interactions and I can predict if I'll get along with them or not. I just discard most people and ignore their existence as much as possible. I used to get very anxious about being different but I don't care anymore because I don't have to justify myself to anyone anymore. I can "play the game" whenever needed but I can switch back and forth between different modes easily. The trick is to not overdo it of course, you can't just be a dick to everyone all the time.

>>77180 your skepticism is completely warranted given the place this is being posted. but there's a difference. if you're socially apt you can tell. img is just hyperbole though lol

>do software update >lose functionality is it just my perception or are updates increasingly turning into downgrades?

>>75644 I asked my mother to take down images of me from her social media, and that I wasn't comfortable with her posting my image on the internet, and then she told me that I was fuarrrking ridiculous and my family just ignores it. Just the other day she posted another photo with me in it. What the fuarrrk? I'm an adult! And I'm going into information security. What if I go work for a defense company or agency? Is she fuarrrking retarded? Whenever I suggest even the basic, most barebones level of security, they dismiss me as being paranoid or say I have something to hide. It is not rocket science. Just telling them that maybe they shouldn't give their email and phone number to every Tom, Dick, and Harry who asks for it nicely is enough to earn that age old spiel; you've heard it, we've all heard it: "They already know everything about us anyway." Who the fuarrrk is "they"? AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE CONSPIRATORIAL ONE? Usually after that they just ignore me until I push the issue, and then they give me a non-answer. It came to a head one time, and they said that they only tolerate as much as they do because they think I'm suicidal and don't want to push me over the edge. I'm moving further away from them soon, and I really don't have any choice but to cut contact unless they start taking things a little more seriously. Am I supposed to spend hours upon hours making dozens of take-down requests, scrubbing their information from search results, and god knows what else... just because they can't get over the fact that their 400 followers on Instagram or however many fuarrrking friends on Facebook simply do not give a soykaf about seeing pictures of our family? On another note, my family needs to get the fuarrrk out of my love life and my finances. My mother still has access to my bank account, and asks me about where I went and what I spend my money on. fuarrrk that nonsense. They don't give me any money. They don't pay my tuition. They don't need access to that. I slipped up and mentioned that I liked this Chinese girl in one of my classes, and my sibling and my mother said that if I got married to a Chinese girl, she promised not to call my children "chinks". I don't know about any of you, but that seems very kind of them. I feel real fuarrrking gracious. All I want is to live alone, without people constantly fuarrrking hoovering me like a hawk. Everyday I fantasize about changing my name, moving to another country, and never speaking to anyone I've ever know ever again. That's how it's been for years, it's just that now I am approaching the point where it is actually feasible to do so. ANYWAYS, that's my fuarrrking rant or vent or whatever.

>>77199 >mom has access to your bank remove her or join a new bank and move your money to that one, then close the account, dweeb. >I don't know about any of you, but that seems very kind of them I'd call your children chinks. Your life is like kicking dead whales down the beach because you allow your mom to infantilize you. You already know how to fix it.

>>77199 You're in the mid-stages of separation-individuation. The maternal instinct and the entire basis of the feminine is self immolation. Women are a devouring presence, without resistance they will maim, drain, engulf, penetrate, and completely dominate anything and everything around them, ESPECIALLY their own children. In fact, that's why they create children. You're trying to flip the script and be "seen" or even be in control of your mother. This binds you further to her, puts you deeper inside of her body beyond body (yes, that's a return to the womb / unborn to "the world" reference). Everything within you knows you must separate and leave. Yet you remain, she clings, you cling back. You are made to annihilate each other. Shared self immolation as you utterly destroy the ability for you each to live your lives. So you must separate for both her and you. This is the greatest gift a son can give to his mother, firm separation, because this allows her to know her role is complete so she can move on. Until this happens she will try to dominate you because you're signaling you're not ready to be your own person. In their twisted way the maternal instinct will try to ensnare you through this. >t totally not projecting

>>77200 >remove her or join a new bank and move your money to that one, then close the account, dweeb. Ofc. I'm in the process of doing so, but she will likely flip her soykaf when she finds out. One of the problems is that I have to live with my parents because I can't afford to live on my own, so they have a degree of control over me that I just have to accept unless I want to go scorched earth. What if she forces me out on the street? She's threatened to do it before. I don't have any friends to stay with, either. I'm sticking it out till I get done with my undergrad, and then I am leaving. >I'd call your children chinks. Why? >Your life is like kicking dead whales down the beach because you allow your mom to infantilize you. You already know how to fix it. I don't know if I allow her to infantilize me. I think she just doesn't understand boundaries and wants to feel in control. >>77201 I "separated" psychologically speaking years ago. She always cries about how I never talk to her. Moving away will probably be the final nail in the coffin, as far as that goes.

>>77203 >Moving away will probably be the final nail in the coffin, as far as that goes. I would say so. I've literally told my mother "you're not my wife", no reaction. Still tries to manage my soykaf and tell me what to do. Until I react sharply and become overting rejecting of her, basically "get off of me", even told her that she's the psychological version of a rapist. Then I feel bad of course and she has no conception of what would builod to and trigger that type of reaction, she just experiences "I'm being harmed / rejected / hated, and hate is forever". Such a game. Prolonged separation severs all of these feedback loops, and it, and those compulsions (which gradually converge back to the engulfing behavior) are never initiated.

>>77203 >I'm in the process of doing so, but she will likely flip her soykaf when she finds out. Good luck. >I'm sticking it out till I get done with my undergrad, and then I am leaving This is a safe decision. >Why? Because that's what they would be and I'm an asshole. > think she just doesn't understand boundaries and wants to feel in control. That's what I mean by infantilizing you though. She feels like she needs to parent you. I hope you'll be able to have freedom soon, lainon. Good luck.

I don't want to kill myself but I feel like I've been left with no choice. If I want to eat, I have to work but I hate having a job. "Retirement" here is 65 and increasing, with every year more expensive than the last. What am I gonna do? Work for another 40 years so I can enjoy life once I'm old and decrepit? Become a NEET now so I can inevitably crawl back into working in my mid-30s? We're not a welfare country, I'll starve soon as the money runs out. I've researched investing, returns, property ownership and every option seems bleaker than the next. I'm not enjoying life. I'm unhealthy, unhappy, stressed, my hair is falling out and my beard is turning grey. All because of work. Every day just eating a bullet seems like more and more of a real, genuine escape from this soykaf. I get an M-4 rifle once per year for temporary military duty, a volley of bullets full-auto through my mouth aught to do the trick, honestly.

I've been running through some new HDDs, and for some reason I can smell them. Every HDD I've tried as of yet has this same distinct smell, be it used or new, and nobody but me can smell it, it's a very disturbing odor, it gives me headaches, makes me feel like I have soykaf aggregating in my lungs, heart, and arteries, and severely hampers my ability to think, yet nobody but me can smell it, so I wonder if it's just in my head. It's a very volatile odor, it gets into my clothes and offgasses when I exit my room and go into another room, when the gases exit my clothing I can catch a whiff of it. I've never smelled this odor before. I don't have the money to buy any more new stuff, so I might just never use my computer again because of it.

>>77256 Sounds more like electrohypersensitivity to me. Basically something sensitizing your olfactory systems, or even creating phantom sensations. RF and acoustic weapons have been used to drive people out of their houses, drive down property values, prevent sleep, whatever, and one thing that's often reported is sounds, vibration sensations, and painful chemical smells. This is to prevent you from sleeping or getting soykaf done, they just want to functionally diminish you without killing you outright. There are other explanations but aside from that I imagine you've thought of it all yourself.

>>77257 I can smell it even when a HDD isn't powered, I figured out it was the smell of HDDs when I opened a package containing a new HDD, and the smell immediately wafted into the air. It spreads like anthrax, maybe I'm just super sensitive to odors, I have no idea, could also be a phantom smell, but I doubt it considering I went weeks without using electronics and never caught the odor, then got a new HDD, opened the package, only to immediately smell it. I definitely doubt that I'm being targeted by some clandestine government operatives. Maybe it'll just go away on its own.

>>77258 > I definitely doubt that I'm being targeted by some clandestine government operatives. Well, that wasn't really my point. It would be an automated system screwing with you. eg it'll try to trick people into thinking their neighbors are attacking or poisoning them by timing their symptoms to begin shortly after their neighbor gets homes or whatever. Again, all automated, and trivial, with modern technology and data collection. It's just hard for me to believe the thing could be offgassing so long. There is a weird electronics smell that I've noted with ahrd drives in particularm but it's not so extreme. Think about it this way, when people have migraines smells often become unbearable and painful. Likewise with other conditions. That's what's meant by sensitization, if that is what's happening. Maybe you're dealing with mold or some other chemical exposure, who knows.

2024 is my 10th year with a broken reward system. For a decade now, my brain has been unable to release "pleasure chemicals". In some ways, I can't imagine a fate crueler than this. It's like some curse out of a fantasy novel, but it's real and never ends. Maybe if I took a bunch of MDMA I could feel pleasure again, but that destroys your body. I'm just cursed to live an empty life basically

>>77261 Try massive amounts of raw cacao. Become fully based. Moderately redpilled. Somewhat addled? Maybe even manic. Superficial pleasure. Still layered around the void. But experienced nonetheless.

>>77262 Whenever I mention my illness online, people always view it like some psychological battle or "lost soul" type thing. So they respond with motivational stuff, poetry, you know If you guys understood how bad it truly is, you'd react as if my entire family died in a plane crash or I got cancer. Imagine if you had cancer and you did the chemo treatment and everyone is just like, hey why are you so gloomy all the time? haha why are you bald now? cheer up everyone feels weak sometimes, you'll recover. that's how it feels. at least when you have cancer, people understand how fuarrrked you are, and give their support up to your death. I dunno man. If my life is over, I want people to at least understand. But no, I can't even have that. Nobody fuarrrking understands either

>>77263 Sigh. I think the tragedy is I understand completely, down to the core. However there's just nothing to be said. In my case I think that once you've seen that you are omnipresent, and therefore every place is the same place, and your own body and mind have been turned into a phasic lifelessness or torture chamber, that part of you never really comes back, even if change is realized. You've missed too much, and also seen too much of the wrong thing. And these things will come back off the shelf, one way or another. However I'm not supposed to say this, because I am me, not you. And you are not me. Therefore you're within a broader process which will unfortunately probably take too long and you'll have to cross through the immense pain barrier of mourning your lost years. And so on, which is distinctly possible. However to engage with you in this way is contaminating the process. I understand and don't want you to feel trapped and alone, I realize nothing I say will have an immediate effect when you're so deep into it, and I also cannot help you nor give you the means to find your own way out. So I just think I should stay out of it. I am seeing your posts, that's about it. What I started doing was seeking mind beyond mind, and body beyond body, because I wanted to prove I was truly replaceable and it was all meaningless so I could just let go and put someone else in my role. Then some weird soykaf happened because I guess that's how it goes.

I am 32, NEET, no friends, live with my parents and was never in a relationship ever. Somehow I was just tolerating living like this FOR YEARS but now I am so fuarrrking disgusted with myself I had to puke, I cried and I started drinking. I am so fuarrrked. How could I ever let it get this bad? It doesn't take a genius to know what doing nothing is going to lead to. I could get some soykafty job to keep me afloat but suddenly I want more out of life. But I am so fuarrrking far behind. I am basically a teenager mentally but I am 32 so everyone expects me to be an adult. There are so many firsts I have to experience without anyone helping me. This is so fuarrrked. This is the horror story I read about in my 20s and thought I would have enough sense to kick into action before I let myself go that much.

>>77269 On one hand you have the strength to put all the blame on yourself, which is probably what fuarrrked you (us) over to begin with. On the other in doing this you're avoiding the pain of realizing that no one bothered to push you, show you how to be a human being, take any responsibility for your fate, or really humanize you at all. They left or even helped you to rot, seemiongly with no regard for the ultimate effect. Probably never gave you meaningful feedback, implicitly shamed you, and only every noticed or told you anything if you ask explicitly. People don't end like you (us) unless a lot of people really fuarrrked up along the way, dozens of people. Whether through conditioning and repetitive trauma, or sheer deprivation. Most likely both. Then there you go, garbage in, garbage out. They fed you with garbage inputs, might've even prevented you from helping yourself, and so the result is garbage. ow obviously blaming others won't get you anywhere, but it should probably be acknowledged. Let me guess, it's your mother. Women are an engulfing, devouring presence. They'll maim, drain, suppress, and ultimately encase and consume their own children.

>>77263 Try taking mushrooms or DMT and see what happens afterwards, certainly don't abuse MDMA. It seems like you already had the glimpse of a possible way out in your mind and sought to ruin it by entertaining the prospect of sinking yourself into a perpetual abuse of party drugs. I know two people personally who had been severely depressed for years on end, albeit both entered their state of depression through traumatic life events which would not be purely chemical in nature, but those life experiences would program their brain into operating under a state of chemical depression. Even still, the causes of all mental illnesses are constantly under debate, and there isn't any existing theory, even for depression, that can comprehensively explain its causes. Once people begin to walk back the role of chemical imbalance within depression they create holes in their theories which have yet to be filled. There's no reason not to try psychedelics. You only need to take one once. Anyway they really do work, but I wouldn't microdose you have to actually trip on it.

I can't process emotions correctly, everything feels so overwhelming to me. I've lost count of how many times I got trapped in thought loops revolving around loneliness, death and romance. I crave beauty, drama and love, yet none of these are realistically attainable given my existence and the reality of this world. Even as I sit down writing this soykaf, my mind is floating around: I can feel someone's warmth, our connection, the touch, the smell of skin, flowers and blood. Visions of happiness often appear in front of me when I close my eyes. There's me, someone else (which I cannot quite distinguish as being male or female) and a beautiful, natural landscape. The stranger's form is blurred, and the longer I try to hold to the vision, the more surreal it becomes. Everything starts to get an ethereal, "dreamy" feeling. The stranger disappears and I'm all alone again, desperate with sadness and smiling at an illusion, hoping to have my desires fulfilled or ultimately stop desiring altogether. I am alive and I wanted to make it count, not simply die without having experienced or felt anything, like a machine that has lost its function.

>>77303 how often do you interact with other people in person?

>>77304 Every morning I'm either lifting weights or swimming, so I usually get to talk to people on a daily basis. Don't have any friends tho

>>77305 > Every morning I'm either lifting weights or swimming that is based > I can't process emotions correctly maybe you are just autistic idk > Visions of happiness often appear in front of me when I close my eyes. There's me, someone else (which I cannot quite distinguish as being male or female) and a beautiful, natural landscape. Once someone told me to do an experiment of imagining my happy place and describing what it looks like. For me, it's somewhere in the countryside, the weather is warm and there is lots of green. Nice to hear that someone also shares this. It sounds like you are afraid of regretting to not be more social. I have read somewhere that forcing yourself to participate in social situations can be effective, even though it's really awkward at first. anyway I don't really have much to say to you but your webm is nice

why do laptop keyboards suck now?