Retrospection

How was last year for you, Lain? Are you doing better this year or last year?

I'm doing a lot better this year than last year, and I've honestly got no clue as to why. I'm doing better in classes, I'm learning more skills, and enjoying myself as I try new things, and I'm not feeling depressed. It's really weird to me, there's nothing I can really point to that's changed in my life, I still have all of my bad habits in full force, but things are just working out. Is this a normal thing to experience? Will it all come crashing down with time?

I'm not sure if I'm happier or more down than I was last year. I've changed my personality quite a bit since a time two or three years ago and I continued to develop over this past year, but I don't know if it's produced a happier person out of me. On one hand, I've become much more assertive and confident than I was before. I used to be a beta kind of guy. My mental and spiritual state has also improved, since my faith was rekindled a couple years ago. I don't just go through the motions at church anymore. On the other hand, I've made zero progress in the parts of my life dealing with romantic relationships. I went from not approaching women because I was super depressed all the time to not approaching women because, to me, I'm objectively undateable and I would be wasting time, both mine and hers. I got rejected by a fair amount of girls (including my crush a few years back, who hooked up with my then best friend a week later) and decided to pretty much give up for the time being. Maybe there's someone out there who will say yes, but the possibility seems increasingly remote. Maybe next year.

pretty good. January was a tough time but I've been feeling a lot better lately. I've gotten a lot more focused this year... I feel like I've got a much greater drive to get the most I can out of college. I'm more grateful for the opportunities afforded to me. I have a clear idea of what I want to do with my life. I have a gf now. It's great.

Definitely better this year, but the way i'm living is not sustainable. My drug usage has become less destructive but more dependent. I've done way better in school but also been making less art, which is my dream. I kind of feel like I traded in my dreams for results, and it won't pay off in the end. I gotta find balance.

the first of last year i was feeling depressed with not moving forward with my life then i took the hardest courses of my entire degree, from the last half of that year until (but not including) the second half of this one. it was pretty awful and im grateful to have gotten the minimum passing grade in both, ( a feat to be sure, with the sheer quantity of people who fail and change majors at this point ), as well has having a sound body enough to deal with the horror of not having time to exercise or eat properly for a year without developing any mental disorders from constant prolonged stress and lack of sleep. id say, after a lot of hell, im doing better than i was by far.

Met a fuarrrkton of people this and last year, some more interesting some less. All in all its been a ride, but i have been less productive for which i am angry at myself a little.

I'm most definetely doing better this year. I took the leap and got out of my parents' house, got a job and a gf. This week I lost both my job and my gf though, and I'm back at my parents' house for a couple weeks. The job was soykaf anyway, I just regret losing my gf but such is life. The real parameter is how much I've learned these days and the fact that I'm doing stuff so that I can try and make a better future for myself.

I am doing so much better this year. Last year was full of panic attacks, fears and depression for me. Even despite the fact that I started meeting with a great girl last year (however nothing came out of it, partially because I was a mess mentally, and it ended around february now). The beginning of this year was still pretty hard, but for almost two months now I regularly meditate and exercise, I working on reducing porn and fapping, I feel a lot better, my mind is much more calm and I feel like I'm getting back in control of myself. I am aware that it might end any moment and I will crash again but so far I must say that I'm optimistic about my life. I have much more energy and I am finally starting to do things that I want, learn new things, new skills and do general self development. I remember that last year I mostly lied in bed whole day, search for new porn to watch and thought that my life is worthless. It's still hard sometimes to maintain new worldview but still I made huge progress in quite a short time. I feel like the only thing I'm missing now is a girlfriend because I am still feeling loliness but I don't chase after it so hard as before. If I will find someone it would be great but if now, I still have a ton of things to do which will make me a better person

this last year was kinda soykafty for college, money and I decided it really isn't working for me, even after a few years of trying it. I just can't do it anymore. I'm too burnt and just could not care less. I'll consider going back when I'm stable financially again, but The capital I've been working for is getting sucked away constantly. This is enough, my focus needs to be moving away from this environment.

things have definitely gotten better desu I think that attempts to try and keep my brain occupied may have something to do with it but I don't know, maybe it's a string of lucky coincidences in my favour bad things are still continuing to happen but I definitely feel better than I once did, or maybe I just forgot how I felt a year/ 2 years ago

>How was last year for you, Lain? The years all start to blend together after a while. Last year wasn't so great I think. >Are you doing better this year or last year? depends on how you define "better". I'm not really happier, I have less money and less friends. But I have more free time now to get better at stuff so that's nice.

I was doing better last year.

>>7491 It was okay... I think I'm finally hitting my academic limit. I'm only taking three classes (and helping to teach an intro to CS Course), but every week I end up more and more exhausted. I start the homeworks early-ish, but I still always end up rushing to complete them. So that's a bummer. However, I'd be lying if I said this year was all bad. The tutoring CS big has helped me *immensely*. I'm getting pretty good at just looking at a piece of code (small scale Java and C++ programs, on the order of a couple hundred LOC) and diagnosing+explaining the error. And I feel fairly fulfilled doing this. It's great to see people being thankful and beginning to appreciate programming (though I'd be lying if I said it was all sunshine and rainbows, there are people that just go to OH to get the answers without really putting in the time. So that's kind of annoying). And despite not doing as well as I want to in my classes, I'm astounded by how much I'm learning. A year ago, I had no idea what a Fourier Transform was, and in a recent HW, I derived how the FFT works. This, and I'm getting decently good at analyzing circuits. Electrical Engineering is not easy by any means, but if this is what it takes to make the world a better place, then so be it. I'm also setting a couple of ambitious goals, mainly trying to get into the Boston Marathon by 2020. Will that happen? Who knows? But I'll give it my best shot. tl;dr It's been a good year, but you can't have the good with the bad. You have to take each day as it comes, and if on average, you're enjoying most days, you're doing a good job.

I had the worst year of my life, by far. More than a waste of a year. Everything is gone.

>>7491 last year was much better... this year >found out I have a pretty bad medical condition and will probably wont be able to walk in a few years (also in constant pain because of it) >my gf is leaving to work in another country, but I cant go with because of my job which I will probably loose once I cant do it anymore (injury was work related, but the medical compensation is not anywhere close to the the normal pay I would get), and even if I did go with her, I cant really get a job anyway without speaking the language and my highly specialized skillset (not in the technology field) that also conveniently requires lots of physical movement I actually like my job, and not being able to do it makes me sad. my GF really cares about me, but I wont hold her back from her dream job because of my problems. my GF and I talked about having a child, but I feel like I cant be a good father if i am going to be in a wheelchair all day at least I have free healthcare, but the doctor did not even tell me how bad my condition was, I spent 3 days trying to get in contact with him, and then the nurse casually told me my medical test results without context, and without explaining what the condition even was or how bad it is. tl:dr >going to be a half cripple soon >no gf >no job overall, this year feels bad man

>>7543 What happened lain?

>>7545 fuarrrk man, that is like kicking dead whales down the beach. Hold in there, I seriously hope you get better soon.

>>7548 >Hold in there, I seriously hope you get better soon. i'm taking it about as good as I can my man... also "get better soon" is impossible, as its only going downhill form here on the bright side, maybe i'll get a sweet exoskeleton to augment my legs some day

>>7545 >my GF and I talked about having a child, but I feel like I cant be a good father if i am going to be in a wheelchair all day If you actually believe this you are a disgusting human being and don't deserve to procreate. There is nothing wrong with being in a wheelchair, its entirely a construction of your own mind to think otherwise. While I am not personally relegated to one I know a number of people who are and are also much more successful at life than I am. Certainly you won't be able to do all the same things you used to, but there are still more things that you can do then any of us could ever hope to in a lifetime. Even if you could no longer do any of the activities you currently do there is no reason why you should feel limited. Pick up something new, learn an instrument, go back to school, you have an infinite number of possibilities that are better than sitting around moping about how terrible your life is.

>>7550 >There is nothing wrong with being in a wheelchair, its entirely a construction of your own mind to think otherwise.Even if you could no longer do any of the activities you currently do there is no reason why you should feel limited. but really >limited mobility >needing people to help with lots of things >fewer job opportunities >cannot enjoy sports or other activities in the same way >cant use stairs or ladders >Pick up something new, learn an instrument, go back to school, you have an infinite number of possibilities that are better than sitting around moping about how terrible your life is. it sounds like >>7545 is talking about his quality of life going from good to virtually nothing, no matter how much someone can achieve, if it does not bring happiness, there is literally no point, and just because you have friends who have come to terms with it does not mean everybody can just as easily

>>7553 >fewer job opportunities Now, that's bullsoykaf right there. All you need to do is to show your Cripple-Card™and you'll get a free* job. Large companies have diversities policies and a large number of governments have regulations in order to make it easier for cripples to get a job. You won't be able to run, swim properly and everything gets a tad bit harder while you adapt. But if you consider that all of reality is just an hallucination made by your head to help you navigate the universe for long enough in order to produce off-spring, being a cripple is just a state of mind. On our current world where we rely less and less on manual labor and have better ways of transportation than our legs not being able to run is almost a non-issue. Being a depressive pessimist is a much greater crippling, I'd take a good mindset over good legs on any day. Chronic pain, now, that is a bitch, but complaining about it won't make it any better. Start looking for good pain-relief solutions that have side-effects that work for you and that either are slow to create tolerance or that you can swap to avoid having to increase dosages.

>>7553 >Oh woe is me Yes I agree, sitting around thinking about the things you can no longer do is much better than doing all the things you can do. Its ridiculous. Happiness is entirely of your own creation. You can always find something new that makes you happy. >I can't play sports anymore Bullsoykaf, there are plenty of sports you can still play. Sledge hockey, skiing, basketball, lacrosse all immediately come to mind for me. Yes you won't experience them same way you previously did but that doesn't mean you can't still enjoy them. You may find that you actually enjoy them more now than you previously did. Sitting around whining about how you want to be happy but can't because now you are in a wheelchair is a surefire way to never be happy. And at the same time all you will end up doing is leaching away the happiness of the people who truly care about you. If you think thats acceptable and choose not to move on with your life you should just neck yourself immediately so that they can.

I've learned a lot since last year, but my situation is deteriorating. Doing odd-jobs but barely getting by on bills. falling into worse patterns with drugs and alcohol. too anxious to progress socially in real life and don't know how to act around people my age. Don't even relate to any communities online anymore -- even the ones I used to. So I just work on self-improvement projects and trying to get a job. Sometimes it helps, but overall I just feel sad and confused. More sad and confused than ever before.

>>7562 I think I learned a lot during this year. I moved out, I rent a flat with friends. I think I have grown a bit. I am much better at guitar I am actually thinking about buying better amp, looper and USB interface and starting recording myself [and maybe with my online friend who plays some instrumets](I need to earn money for this, but summer is a good time for earning money, I would like to do something else during holidays, like traveling, but reality is cruel for lower class kids like me, speaking about jobs I have just positively finished interviews with one USA based company so I hope for huge cash (eastern European 20 yo kiddie here). Thanks to my college classes and self education I understand computers better, I learned a bit more about OpenGL, assembly, Computer Architecture, node.js and maths. My CTF team is better and better. I also feel like I gained a bit in field of being a more sociable person, which is good for me. My biggest regard is spending too much money on stuff I don't really need. I nearly zeroed out my finances which I saved during last summer (I worked whole time as intern developer). At least my parents didn't had to spent much money on me. I also wish I had any girls I could spent time on regular basis, I don't mean gf (which would be awesome) but just a friend which is of female sex, as I don't have any, only buddies around me. Also I am constantly saying that I don't have enough time for "personal projects" (I used to develop games and write other software in free time) but at the same time I waste so much time on pr0n and Internet... Overall it was a good year for me, I hope it isn't beginners luck :3