Late sexual initiation

That's probably a bit of an unusual topic. Does anyone here also struggle with late sexual initiation in their lives? I've been lonely for the most part of my life, up until early 30s due to a multitude of reasons. For more context: i am a late-transitioning trans woman (i do actually pass and that's by standards of a pretty conservative central european country) At school i struggled with impeded social skills and i was a moderately attractive person at that time (in my opinion) - by either masculine or feminine standards of beauty. I had a very little internal sense of gender back then and felt pretty much like a genderless entity, although my environment treated me like a dude, obviously. Due to my general emasculation i was often badly mistreated and abused by male peers. It was a small, provincial school, full of people with very conservative and narrow mindsets. Girls were pretty traditional there and weren't interested in me, plus it was generally expected that i should initiate things, as a "man", while i was never the type to do so. Later in life i have become extremely secluded and never completed any education beyond HS. This of course left a huge negative impact on my social life and skills. With the life context out of the way - fast forward to 2023. I managed to slowly improve my life, been making friends, my communication and social skills have become pretty average and normal, I'm not ridden by much anxiety. But everytime my friends or even someone close to me tells their stories of their love life as teens and 20s become very triggered and depressed because it makes me feel like an alien. It makes me feel like i lost a lot of normal teenage experience, and that time cannot be regained. It simply makes me feel worse. At some point i used to think i was fine without it, being alone. But transition has changed my mind 180°. It has occurred to me that i didn't want relationships back then that much because i didn't like the prospect of playing the role of a man in them But in retrospect, why am i so bitter about it? Does anyone relate? What do you think? Ps. I've been obsessively searching for related topics on the internet and checking statistics. I am now interested in any scientific research about late sexual initiation and its negative mental effects. So far I've been mostly finding stuff about early initiation which is the opposite of what i want. I'd be grateful for any interesting links, Lainons. Peace

>>74805 Sunken costs fallacy. You get this "well I've come this far what's the point starting now." I'm so socially inept I'm far far behind people my age socially and relationship wise. I don't have the experience to deal with being in a relationship and a little voice in my head tells me I will fuarrrk them up. It will be a disaster. I will be trash in bed. So I've morphed into this sex avoidant alien who's so brain damaged he'll cross the street if he sees a girl walking up the same way. >I've been obsessively searching for related topics on the internet and checking statistics. I am now interested in any scientific research about late sexual initiation and its negative mental effects Don't do this. It will only make your negative thoughts worse. You'll get sucked into a rabbit hole of scientific nonsense that you'll use to validate your own negative feelings about yourself. You'll end up convinced your broken goods and damaged beyond repair because its easier to write yourself off than change.

>But in retrospect, why am i so bitter about it? For starters, for most normal people, sex is something they want. I assume it is something you want also. Not only was it something you wanted , but you are surrounded by people who had what you wanted. You're a monkey watching other monkeys get all the bananas. It is impossible to not feel bitter in a situation like that. It is a big life failure. >Does anyone relate? In a way. I have never actually had anyone show interest in me/attraction towards me. I lost my virginity to a prostitute and I have never been with a woman for free. I'm not super lonely and honestly, I lose all interest in women for awhile post-ejaculation, but it is still frustrating.

OP please explain Why you write like This and doublepost your topic It's a good topic and I actually relate to it But it feels really stupid to engage in conversation When your formatting is like sticking my head in a microwave

This is ubiquitous among the lgbt community. Many people only 'come out' or manage to find someone to experiment once they are in their 30s or late 20s, or even later. I am the same. (Of course it isnt limited to lgbt). I was 30 when I had my first experience. It is very sad that I basically missed my entire youth, and for the rest of my life i will be damaged. I'm like a puppy that wasnt raised right - i'll never be as socially competent or 'normal' as someone who had a better youth. I'll never be able to get it back. Many people have far less than ideal lives and we merely have to try to accept it and do what we can with what situation we were handed. It's not our fault. Like someone who was born with one of their limbs missing, we just have to try to deal with it and try to accomodate for it. Grieve, process it, let go and move on

>>74805 With that out of the way OP I relate a lot. I'm non-binary, I have gender dysphoria, I tried hrt for 7 months once, the kind of hrt offered wasn't for me and helped in some ways but not in others. Is some ways it made my situation worse. But, it was something I had to do in order to grow and understand myself better and I'm glad I did. I also never completed high school, in reality I never even completed middle school. The system got its hands on me too early, branded me autistic and segregated me away from the other kids. While other kids were having their first kiss I was in a solitary confinement cell. I didn't have friends until I was 16 and only then because one very good person remembered me from elementary school and he basically dragged me out of my hikki nest and integrated me in his friend group. Why he remembered me or went through the trouble to do this I honestly don't know, but I'm grateful he did. Even so, I didn't lose my virginity until my early 20s and it was to a women who was 36, lied about her age, and was using me to cheat on her husband. What a mess. And now I do have a girlfriend but I'm still cursed, I love her dearly but she's basically asexual. I've been dating her for almost 5 years and can count on one hand how many times we've had sex. I guess my situation isn't as bad, it sounds like you may still be a virgin OP? I don't know, if that's the case I'm sorry if me talking about this doesn't help. But I promise you I'm constantly feeling upset over lost childhood and lost opportunity and am in therapy over all of this right now. I still feel slighted, I still feel like I don't have experience, I still feel like my need are unmet, I'm still angry.

I'm a loner and a religious fanatic so I've never had sex and I sometimes lose my soykaf over it and then go back to whatever it was I was doing. What's gone is gone and you can be sad about it (very understandable) but dwelling on it will fuarrrk you up in the head. Your powerless to change what has already passed so you'll end up beating yourself up about it. Step one: accept your powerless. I agree about sexual initiation. Historically speaking it was normal for humans to have sex early, in their teens and before dating was a thing pretty much everyone was guaranteed a partner. That had its drawbacks, unhappy marriages, but it meant there wasn't such a thing a sex starved confused people. In some cultures, sex was literally initiatory. You'd have an older person introduce you to sex and mentor you into it. Then our wise infidel overlords decided professional classroom sex education was a good idea and as Hank Ableson says the best way to stifle something is enshrine it in the education system. OP I will try giving you advice you can try. >Go younger If your uncomfortable around people your age try having a sexual relationship with a younger person (as long as their not underage). They'll look to you as a wise elder who can mentor them in life sex aside. You can provide them with help and if they love and care for you they won't mind your sexual struggles. You'll feel less pressure and won't be judged by the same as you will by people your own age. >Go older If that isn't your thing you could try a relationship with an older person. Find someone caring and considerate who can help you grow sexually and won't pile a bunch of expectations you. >Controlled environment Third option is to create a controlled environment where you can safely explore sexuality within your own boundaries with someone who will do what you say. A prostitute is good for this. Hire one, explain your situation but don't go into too much detail and clearly lay out your red lines. The goal here is to create a virtual machine where you can tinker around without damaging anything. You get the prostitute to train you and teach you but if you don't want actual intercourse with her (if your saving yourself for something special) you can do that too. You can get used to being naked, undressing, having someone touch you, caressing etc. Only downside is having to pay and it could become addicting if your not clear that it's all just a testing environment. Remember, love God and do as thy will LONG LIVE GOD AND fuarrrk ALL UNBELIEVERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>74818 You're christian yet you encourage OP to go see a prostitute, practice what you preach. I'm not sure the bible is even against sex trafficking and human traficking but being so consumed by lust that you disregard this issue can't be a good thing.

>>74821 How do you know theyre a christian? maybe i missed it in the post, but it just says 'religious fanatic' as far as i see

>>74821 I'm not Christian. Also I don't know OP's beliefs and I trust them to live by their own standards and throw away any advice that goes against them. There are always exceptions to the rules anyway. Rules exist to be bent. Clearly OP doesn't have a lust issue.

>>74818 >organic food omg yes I should eat organic grains which are still poisonous sludge, just slightly less poisonous