Helping people who can't help themselves

Hi lain, My girlfriend is doing very badly right now. She is struggling very hard with an assignment that I know she is very capable of doing, because she has gotten perfect marks on this type of assignment before. But her current emotional state, which started a few weeks ago, means that she breaks down crying every few minutes as she writes, unable to work at faster than a snail's pace even though she understands the material very well. This only happens while she tries to work on schoolwork for this class. It's clear to me that she needs to prioritize her own well-being, as this is clearly caused by something else and not the assignment. She does not like this suggestion though. I have tried helping her with the assignment but I get too frustrated at her inaction, I would have to essentially do it for her. She has struggled with deep depression and has attempted suicide (years before I met her), and I worry that if she fails this class she might really fall apart. I've suggested trying to get diagnosed with ADD, which she obviously has, but she thinks it would be too expensive. She's not that broke, she just thinks she is. I think this might be relevant to other people though. How do you help someone who simply can't cope?

>>73569 >How do you help someone who simply can't cope? Your girlfriend is reacting appropriately to all the industrial poisons she's eating. Approach brain disease at the root - the physical body. But don't be so daft as to think that a "quinoa bowl" is a healthy thing. Meat and fruit only. For more, read Brain Energy by Chris Palmer.

have you considered getting her pregnant and taking care of her?

>>73571 This is the least helpful answer you could have given me. Even if her problem was purely diet-based, the question remains: how to help someone with their diet who is unable to help themselves? You've basically just shifted the blame to your preferred target but offered no real solution.

>>73569 randomly breaking down and crying sounds like something worse than just add. constant mood swings can turn pretty ugly pretty fast and often go into psychosis territory. There is honestly not much you can do for some one who 'cant cope', person has to want to help themselves and it sounds like they dont really desire to. Most you can do is giver her the suggestion that she might need to get some help.

>>73576 >randomly breaking down and crying sounds like something worse than just add Definitely, but she definitely has ADD as well. Plus being diagnosed with ADD means she gets perks from the school such as extra time on tests. >constant mood swings can turn pretty ugly pretty fast and often go into psychosis territory Thankfully not there yet. It might be that she has been taking her antidepressants irregularly.

sorry man but you cant get diagnosed with ADD anymore

>prioritize her own well being what is the reason she's in school? does she have any long term objectives related to school ? If yes, remind her of these and their feasibility. If not then she's probably wasting her time, at best not accruing debt to boot. Maybe she has legitimate reasons for depression: the futile aimlessness of her life. If so then this is what must be attacked.

>>73575 >Even if her problem was purely diet-based, the question remains: how to help someone with their diet who is unable to help themselves? What do you want me to tell you? If somebody is incapable of even shoveling certain kinds of gruel into their mouth versus other kinds of gruel, they need intensive care.

>>73581 Changing diet requires a certain amount of will.

>>73583 OP has will, he should bend her to his if thats what it takes

fuarrrking people have a breakdown over some homework? Wtf?

Honestly just do it for her since she knows the subject already. If that's the last time she has to deal with it she can just move past it and live her life

>>73586 it's not just weakness, because the homework isn't the cause, it's a catalyst. what makes a mental illness is the suffering it inflicts and the lack of sense it makes to outside minds. >>73569 to OP, i have zero advice for her. the cure comes from inside. the best you can do is emotionally support the best you can until she figures it out. this could very well mean having to watch her implode. don't bother trying to reason with her. let her, as they say, "fvck around and find out".

>>73569 i know this may seem counterproductive and be difficult on your part as it will require a lot of effort, but if you really care about your gf you'll listen i understand she is struggling with this homework and it is causing her significant stress/pain. i have a younger sibling who has acted similar (albeit not as extremely with a breakdown, but with a sheer unwillingness to do anything) and what helped them the most was sitting with them like a teaching assistant or parent and guiding them through it with constant reassurance that it's okay. i know you have mentioned that you have tried and it would end up with frustration but it requires a level of willpower to follow through. in the end, even if you end up helping her with most of it so long as she begins to understand that its not going to kill her doing it and its simple enough that she can do it, even if its with your help. plus, it shows her that despite the struggles she has, you still show up and you cannot be the bad guy however, as another lainon said, definitely get in contact with some other people who specialise in things like mental difficulties if there are any in the school. i know i said to keep persevering at it yourself but you also dont wanna run around in circles with no real knowledge of how to fix issues like this. hopefully her school has a mental wellbeing program, i know where i am from any in schools are free but idk about where you are sorry if this was mostly waffle. but its what i would do in your situation. keep trying to guide her through it, not in a patronising way but in a caring and slow, almost parental way. and also try to seek help for her on her behalf; from what you are saying she wont seek it herself, and its better that you, someone who cares, does

>>73569 You've probably already tried this, but if not, try to take her away from the homework for a bit. Touch grass together - literally. Go on a picnic, go walking in the woods for an afternoon. It might help her to relax and re-associate you as someone whose presence is a comfort to her.

>>73569 1. Do all her homework for her like a gentleman 2. Depression is 100% caused by chemical-based disasters in the brain itself and is ultimately fixed only by pills. The brain is exactly like all other organs. You cannot talk a person out of depression because it isnt an ideology people adopt for fun. PSYCHIATRISTS = REAL ONES OF THE HOOD. PSYCOLOGY = TIME-WASTIMG FAKE ASTROLOGY SCAM CRAP. 3.

>>73771 >only solution to depression is pills because its a chemical problem lol, the thing is that there's a lot of stuff that affects chemicals in your head, like feeling emotions or doing physical labour or eating food. Talk by itself is only useful if it can cause these actions which will then cause chem.

>>73772 ANTI DEPRESSION MEDS HAVE A COLD CALCULATED ANTI DEPRESSION MISSION TO FULFILL BUT THE EFFECTS OF THESE OTHER THINGS ARE GOING TO RANDOM AREAS IM RANDOM AMOUNTS

>>73774 >random effects in random areas in random ammounts. >anti depressant drugs are well calculated and precisely aimed at the seat of depression u simultaneously assume that we know so little about psychomechanics that you can't figure out a non drug cure, and that we know so much about it that we can figure out a drug cure. Brain chemistry is an interesting field but as always, the proof is in the results if its anywhere, and brain chemistry doesn't seem to be doing that well in solving depression whatever those cold calculators with their drowning mice say.

>>73771 I agree totally. Except astrology is actually apparently pretty based and accurate, just like numerology and gematria. I just found Grimes and I have very similar birth numerology, and lo and behold, she's from the same part of Canada as my ancestor, probably has some genetic similarity, and acts very similar as well. Hm!

>>73778 >I beleive in astrology: case in point, a person who might be my cousin is fairly similar to me. By the way we also have similar astrological backgrounds, and this is clearly more important. Uau!

>>73780 Grimes is not my cousin. Perhaps distant genetic "cousin" at best.

How is she doing? I would have suggested getting her away from work, doing a marathon then taking her to a delightful hot spa (Oh but it's summer.) But I don't know her psychological profile You have to be understanding anon. Provide stability and patience.

I dont know lainon I was actually having a similar issue I was thinking of posting about but I realized after reading the replies to yours I forget where I am and this is not the place at all to ask such things. A google search or even chatgpt would probably yield a better reply than some of the ones im seeing here (not that there isnt thoughtful ones too, the unthoughtful ones would just make me abandon my own thread in frustration). I will say as some have pointed out the cure for this will probably have to come from within her and is likely as you seem to already know a microcosm of larger things. Its not actually the assignment. The best you can do is be the best you and wait it out, and also remember its always easier to see through others problems than our own. We probably all have things we put the blame on for our issues to avoid the real core of them. I know ive even created problems for myself to avoid the actual problems I dont want to face. What I often wonder is this seeming problem I have thats almost the same as yours just also one of those things. Is the inability sometimes for my partner to do things herself actually my problem or am I fixating on it to avoid something, does she even want help with it, am I worrying like you are that whatever new issue it is will cause her to just fall apart without my help when that isnt the case at all. My mom would always panic and see the end of the world in every little thing and I do too, is it happening again with my partner? I remember I used to get so frustrated cause every problem I had that I felt I could solve on my own my mom would sigh and panic and make hers and then shed solve it causing me to feel incapable of solving my own problems but simultaneously not really able to blame my mom for helping me. I wonder sometimes if that is what im doing with my partner? Surely before we met they didnt need me at all, am I creating a dependence on me thats hurting both of us cause maybe it makes me feel in control. Not thaf you are doing all that I think I might be doing we arent the same people obviously. But overall I just mean you cant force your partner to "cope", all you can do is change how you respond. Ultimately this problem is not your partners problem but yours, its that your partners struggle is causing you stress and fear that you might lose all that youve built with them cause maybe they will do something to themselves or it will put too much strain on the relationship. If you can not see it so severely maybe at least they can have someone around as an example that the sky is not falling. Like I said I dont know, its just an idea. My partner sounds very similar to yours except the kind of problems they have are just distributed differently. They have a nice job and do their job excellently but everything else about her life is a total disorganized mess. My worry is that I will leave them and I will have spent so much time slowly doing more and more basic things for them (5 years now) that she really will be just totally overwhelmed. We also have a dog we got together and I worry they wont be able to take care of it safely, and something will happen to it and then she will be without me and the dog and just give up. But also, is this really all on me? I think maybe im just making it into my problem.

>>73836 if you've been together five years and aren't married and don't have kids, then what the fuarrrk is going on ? Dependancy is natural, some people are better at some things than others, some people just plain can't do some things. You should be depending on her to make babies and milk.

Regardless of the problems your girlfriend currently has, I think that you should know that the more time you spend trying to solver her problems the more you will start to feel miserable. Soon enough the only person with problems in that relationship is gonna be you and only you. I once was in the same situation you are right now, I did everything in my power to help a girl I knew, but at the end of the day, I was left in a worse state of mind than I was before trying to help her. All these new problems I had thanks to her lasted a few years The only thing I know is that she's going to therapy now, but I think that she still has the same problems she used to have when we were friends.

>>73576 >person has to want to help themselves I think this is the root of the problem with OP's girlfriend. Even I have been faulty of this, knowing that it's all about doing things that you know that you have to do, but your own emotional paradigms and disorganised nets inside your own mind drag you into being what is honestly just a lazy sad snail. Sometimes it's a childhood trauma, sometimes it's a brain tumour or injury (sometimes both), etc... She should see a neurologist if there are no unusual results, then digging into possible childhood traumas "could" be helpful but some people don't react positively to this, specially if the trauma was something extremely traumatising, things such as rape, being aware of being a failed abortion, parental neglect, a car crash, etc... count here. I base what I'm saying on a book that I read a few months ago, it's about an English Doctor who talks about how certain social behaviours come accompanied by certain attitudes, vocabulary, political views, ways of dressing, types of tattoos, etc... From what I read in this book, there was a weird attitude of victimisation that some people had, and specially the criminals were the ones would have this attitude. They would go on about how they rob, murder and abuse strangers, family members and friends because they "deserved" it, and how they were "morally correct" even though what they were doing was only being considered bad or good based merely on their own ideology and not from an objective point of view. I think that OP's girlfriend's depression could be boiled down to thinking and focusing too much in things that don't really matter. Be aware that OP never mentioned what was the cause of her/his girlfriends depression, so my advice of it just being a "bad attitude" could be not only misleading but also incorrect.