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Normality is so incredibly boring. I feel that I never want to do anything anymore unless it's something outrageous or just outright not possible. I only ever feel motivated if I decide to set some absurd psychotic goal to eventually reward my efforts... this is how it has always been in my life, can anyone relate in the slightest? I feel that I am happy only when I have borderline delusional thoughts. I feel that I need some sort of strong stimuli to push me foward. I don't even know what I want anymore. Maybe I am just bipolar and this is normal? I don't know, sometimes I feel like giving up completely. Not too many things feel interesting anymore, and the things that do just seem too ridiculous.

Saging because I'm the op. Does anyone know where i could find some fun community full of actual psychos and other crazy people in it? I feel that i would probably fit in the best in one of these.. maybe would be nice for a change

>>73041 Could you give any examples? What type of outrageousness are you talking here? In what way is somewhat disconnecting from reality more stimulating than doing things grounded in reality?

>>73043 Grand things, but entertaining/fun in accordance to my mood. Like i want to become a 1337 h4xor or a criminal mastermind that is able to hack google or the government to redirect anyone to a screamer, maybe completely kill banking systems and cause global chaos, maybe spread a hoax that will lead everyone into believing that we are about to be invaded by aliens or vaporized by a nuke, maybe hijack tv stations to display outrageous content. There are many other examples, but I really just want to be able to do 'grand' things and feel cool about it, I thought maybe I just want some attention but I instead decide to reject that notion because that would be very lame. Don't get me wrong tho I don't want to attract attention to myself or something, I just want to do things that I find cool and feel cool about it, but the things I find cool just aren't reasonable or attainable. I also wanted to find my 'soulmate' eventually but that's just not possible and not something that happens in real life. I don't know why I am like this.

>>73045 I am trying to send you my thoughts but it keeps saying "go away spammer". How do I fix this?

>>73045 So you daydream about doing mostly-fictional, anime protagonist-esque flashy things, having power, and feel inspired by those daydreams, but are apathetic about the other things you can think of doing. I think this is a good mindset. Normality is boring. The only issue is that in order to imagine your way out of it, you have to become more familiar with the world, since you don't know what you don't know, and you can't be inspired by what you aren't aware of. Becoming more familiar with the world means interacting with it directly. Things that seemed impossible might be revealed to be achievable after all, and new goals you hadn't considered might present themselves. Do you ever try to carry out your plans? Even if you don't succeed because those plans were based on fictional premises, you would get new material for dreaming about how the world might be affected.

I used to think like this before I started lifting. Maybe you could try that.

>>73046 I'm sorry lain, I think I just wanted to talk to anyone about this, I don't have anyone that I could talk to. Saging because you're right, this is a soykafty thread. Thanks for replying. >>73049 Yes, sorta. These are technically attainable though, just borderline impossible. >Do you ever try to carry out your plans? Yes, most of my life was centered around me trying to achieve my dreams/delusions. The issue is I have grown up.

>>73050 I started lifting because I read too much Baki, personally. Still do.

>>73045 There are certainly people like you out there; look into somebody named Joseph Konopka & his Realm of Ch@os.

>>73041 i agree with hiro's points, lainon i similarly experience such desires, but i know realistically we're all just ants wandering around society grappling onto one thing or another ultimately anything like you are saying is never planned. you cannot say in advance i wanna do X. you can have an idea of a direction, but you cant choose the place you end up 100% accurately how you want. if you wanna hack google, learn to code as a start. if you wanna find a soulmate, learn to talk to people and learn how to care for others. you can want a perfect situation, but you cant will one into existence in regards to not feeling motivated for anything else that is "normal", well... i dont know what i can say. life isnt a movie. its a single player rpg where you get to pick who you wanna be to an extent and grind to unlock stuff before your personal campaign finishes. you cant change the story, only see where it goes. but you dont see where it goes if you dont bother playing. you just end up waiting until time runs out. sorry for the ramble, it is what i tell myself when i have similar longings to cope, aha

I would say that you have something like subclinical bipolar. I was in a similar way to you before I dialed in my diet and got really mentally healthy. i.e. no PUFA, no grains

>>73051 >These are technically attainable though, just borderline impossible. To me the bigger issue with them seems to be the disconnect between their emotional weight as daydreams/fiction, and what meaning it would likely take on in reality, for both the process and the result. Even if a thing is technically possible, that doesn't mean it would actually work as a fulfillment of the original vision. >Yes, most of my life was centered around me trying to achieve my dreams/delusions. The issue is I have grown up. Surely you've learned things from those efforts other than hopelessness? Something I find helpful when I feel inspired about some project idea (normally videogame concepts) where I know its scope outweighs my abilities and motivation, is to spend some time writing it down, fleshing out details, and doing related research, then let it go for now. That way the idea will still be there later to be combined or repackaged into other things, and I'll have moved a little bit in its direction imaginatively, but I won't get bogged down with busywork I know isn't really going anywhere.

>>73041 Yes, Lain, I too am bp and suffer from delusions of grandeur. I don't wanna hack the gibson tho. All my ambitions are squarely outside the realm of comfort and ease but when I push hard enough for long enough great things do happen. Then I lose interest and get depressed again. It's a vicious cycle. Anyway The Wired brought us here for a reason, let's build that community of psychos/dreamers/builders together. Let's create a success story that men said could not *be* done.

>>73042 You could try Heyuri’s /b/ board. If your into cracker soykaf then there’s always hack forums and crap like that. There’s no shortage of actual terrorists online either, but stay the heck away from that crap. If your just a chunibyo then stick to /x/ or something or lainchan.

>>73066 Optimism is a choice. Accomplishment, a perspective. We've all strove to do the little things that we find meaningful in our lives, there's nothing to flaunt. You are a person and you will be whether or not you're "useful" to anyone. You've done a lot since you were born. You learned to walk, to read, to dream, and desire. It's why you're here now. Every person has infinite value, and every moment in life is precious. Enjoy what you have, don't envy what you don't, and strive to transform in the process we call life. Have a great morning lain!

Yep, same, except I want to to have my own state, solve everyone I know's problems, make a complete social media software, and cure diseases instead of hacking. I like to think part of the problem is I don't have a lot of real life accomplishments or confidence in actually doing stuff, so I cope by thinking of outrageous cool stuff. I think the ultimate cure is just living and achieving medium sized goals, so you get more sucked into real life goals and less into fake ones, and your personal conception of what matters becomes the stimuli pushing you forward, as it associates your work with your successes. It's not a binary thing though, mental processes take time to change. I also find I go through hours or days long periods of 'nothing matters,' but these do get better when I'm surrounded by new, changing things, seeing results of my actions, not stressed/suffering, and with people who like/are nice to me. My understanding of 'bipolar' is you can't get rid of the lows without getting rid of the highs >>73066 Lol I like to joke with my friend that I believe in NPCs, but that I am one, and against the players. You must have felt inspiration and ambition as a child. Take cocaine or meth and you supposedly will instantly (I have not taken these.) For me, I lose inspiration often, but under good conditions, it does reemerge. Supposedly passion for life requires dopamine, and being tired or taking too many uppers too often depletes that, while joyous living increases them, and inspires more pursuit of joy. (so much for pleasure being the filling of a constantly draining bucket-take THAT budda!) >>73058 The fuarrrked thing about this is supposedly a lot of the mental well-being benefits that come from low carb diets, SSRIs, aging, head injuries, herbs, and meditation are just brain damage where you can't feel anything because you hurt yourself, I guess in part of the part causing the feeling of hurt. Still, I wouldn't choose to be a huge mental wreck for 15 more IQ points, so maybe there's an argument for it. Are you achieving intellectual tasks, or as creative as you used to be before the diet change?

>>73072 You totally misunderstand my post. it has nothing to do with optimism or pessimism. You're just making fun of me. >>73075 No. I am the NPC. People like you who do things are not npcs. >you must have felt as a child No. I have never had any ideas. When people asked me things like this as a child I never had a response.

>>73097 > You're just making fun of me try to be generous and have less self pity. I made no criticisms of you or your thinking, I offered a different perspective. If you want to, you can run with it (or not). I think that frame of mind is the first step to finding our way out of misery. It has helped me at least. I have imposed my mind upon you, now you as a player character have to make your choice: will you insist on your lack of self worth and pity the state of your being, or will you hunt after meaning and hope while you're not sure you can even see them, and in doing so become what you would like to be? Maybe it sounds harsh to you, but my mentality has been: "I can sit here and do nothing, or walk blindly and try to do something about it." There's nothing to gain wallowing in pity. > I have never had any ideas that can't be true, you have a very strong idea of life and have become convinced you don't have one (I don't agree). People asked me things as a kid and I had no idea what to answer because I was never sure what I wanted to be or even if I wanted to be. Often we're not sure. That's the tradgedy and hope of our radical freedom. Ideas are made, and you'll make and figure it out as you go just by existing. That's just how life is. So don't be blinded by the now, but look to the future and know that there's another you coming. Be a butterfly. "As far as men go, it is not what they are that interests me, but what they can become."

>>73097 I want to make a game where NPCs do things and aren't passive so bad

>>73108 Please teach me how I can talk to you then. I want to be a positive influence and support your growth, I'm not sure how to do that beyond stating ideas that helped me... Sorry.

>>73109 Take what you learned and reconcile with it to become a stronger dreamer

saging again, this post was terrible

>>73042 Unironically certain military communities. Else hyper-eccentric art communities, drug havens, mental institutions for the psychotic. Alternatively, you could just talk to random people at 3 in the morning who you meet in the street. Only weirdos are out talking to people at 3 in the morning.

>>73105 > I want to make a game where NPCs do things and aren't passive so bad How about a game that is secretly an MMO but you tell everyone they are NPCs and the real game is for them to figure out they arent NPCs.

>>73042 more fringe imageboards tend to also have fringe posters & conspiracy boards specifically have the flavor you seek. Personally i think you like me hunting for novelty. Its not that you care about aliens or soykaf. Normal stuff is just repetitive bland same thing. Novelty that exites hides in the outliers.

>>80022 This, convince people they are all playing with "advanced AIs"

I often feel that way because I'm stressed and trying to avoid doing scary and slow to accomplish things I really care about. Because I really intensely feel a need to do them, I hate myself for not acting and need a level of distraction I can't get. This website ends up being such a distraction for me. I came here 2 hours ago after a few months away, and Just got into this tab, so I hopefully won't be back for a while. I personally Have a very strong inner feeling of what is good in the world, though it is fuzzy and I am often feelingless, I intellectually have things I care about. For me, I think the solution is to remember doing a little bit of the things I do care about in the world is good, and there isn't some god in the sky about to punish me, but rather I should enjoy the time I have working on the things I love, even if that love is mild. I've found light exercise like swimming to be slightly helpful, and relaxing, beautiful media like slice of life anime to also be useful. Best wishes!

In the case of hacking, go to a hackerspace. I think it will help with the normitis we tend to deal with irl. Also it will ground you to meatspace a tad more. Also I feel like this a tad. I don't want to alienate femlains, but I think many of us as men (I know I am making assumptions and there are probably some trans folks on here, so just speaking from my perspective), but it seems to me that the thrill of the open West, going to teach in China, etc. Is kinda dead in 2024, so trying to quell that hope for adventure is harder as everything seems corporatized or nationalized. There still ate some places that don't suffer from normitis, like flying, poker, dangerous travel, etc. . Keep an eye open and you might find the things that fills that void

>>80571 Lainanon, have you thought about teaching in Korea, Japan, or TW? The pay is good compared to Cost of Living. Just saying because I did it. It will certainly change your life and environment, which is key to changing how you feel.

The only thing I want in life is a lifelike robo gf and I thought I would study CS/engineering to make it a reality but I quickly realized a few things: 1. Math/engineering is hard and I'm too low IQ for the innovation that is required to make advancements in the field. 2. It's so incredibly complex that I would only work on one very specific aspect with a huge team of people which highlights how little impact 1 person can make in this field unless they are a super genius. 3. It's a very popular field so my involvement isn't really necessary. There are already more than enough talented people working on it. After I realized these things I dropped out of college and since then have been floating through life aimlessly as I have no passion for anything else. I guess I could try to live as long as possible and save up money if robo gfs ever become real but I feel like I was born too early and it won't happen in my lifetime.

>>73042 4chan /x/ Or any community that talks about paranormal really

>>81093 Which aspects of robo-gf are important to you? IMO this is honestly the perfect time for contributions of people who are not CS experts but rather have clear vision and obsession, for a couple reasons: * The math people are too busy with the niche technical problems to do creative work and aren't good at that anyway. * Creating custom Lora's, voices, does not require advanced math or coding ability. Neither does chaining prompts together or building simple systems for summarization based memory, it's all plaintext, basic scripting, and trial+error. * Game engines are relatively accessible now for visualization, VR stuff etc. The only aspect that atm is not meaningfully achievable regardless of your skills is a physical robot body. So unless you are very hung up on that, realize that you are exactly the sort of person who can make the biggest contributions to robo gf becoming reality as all the groundwork has been done for you but others don't have what it takes to go the last mile.

>>73041 As my father always said: "only idiots get bored"

>>73041 Yeah, I also have some weird thoughts like me abolishing the UN or something (but I guess yours are stranger lol). Industrial society taught everyone to become slaves and work for normal people we often feel nothing about. But don't we want to do so many things anyway? I don't know, there is maybe something one of us want more than another, and we can absolutely achieve it if it's realistic and set on the long-term. This doesn't have to do with giving up, but just turning it into something that gives a sense of mission like a story. If you want to be something, what will you do next? Any insane goal you think of needs a foundation to stand on; you want to really think what are the 3 most imortant things you want around 10 years from now, and look at the situation, and slowly move from A to B with mini goals. Even when you don't know what to do, just cut yourself off from the Wired for a moment and sit in your room in silence to look inside your head. Sounds like self-help soykaf, yeah. Well, I already got some small wins. I made a little vid on we can achieve our goals if you want to know more: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rJNYT56HIo Again, this is not about giving up but planning to make the dream tangible. I wish you good luck, lain.

I feel the same but at the same time it's important to understand that the boring things are stepping stones to those greater goals. But whatever you do, do it with grace and style even if it's the most trivial thing ever. Force the world to notice you.

>>81256 i agree till the notice part, having the world noticing me sounds too dangerous to my ambitions

>>81258 If you're doing something worthwhile you're going to be noticed in some way. But it doesn't need to be personally. I made that mistake when I was a teenager. I was gaining traction but eventually caught a lot of bad attention and was unequipped to handle it which lead to me getting doxed. Now I work in the shadows through aliases and proxies and only my closest friends are aware of what's actually going on. It's frustrating that any path that involves social capitol is blocked off until I can change my name. But at the same time I'm fine with it because as long as I see a reaction in the world I know I'm doing something right.

>>81260 call me an incel all you want , you are the fool that will be taken down by mother nature not me!

>>81261 haha I mean it in a friendly way I'm not whoever else was calling you an incel. If you really want to go against nature do what thou wilt my friend.

>>81262 hard freedom over easy yoke

>>81263 The more I think about it the more I realize how similar we are. I don't think it's possible to go against nature though. It's just how things are. That's like expecting water to go up a waterfall. I think it's better to understand it and use it to your advantage. Fear is awareness.

>>81299 Different lain here. Just because something is a certain way doesn’t mean it is right, has to be that way, or will always be that way. Water can flow uphill, we learned to make it do so. This appeal to the absolute authority and naturalness of some way of being, tradition, or power structure exists to silence questioning of if and lend credence to it. But in the end, nothing is set in stone. Maybe someday we’ll learn to reproduce asexually, or become immortal computers, or transcend like lain has. What we can’t do is stand still and hide while the world is changing.

>>81299 You're just assuming what is nature to begin with. Nature also is ever changing not something stagnant.

>>81429 i want to change my nature, i dont want to stay in the same league as hetero males and praying mantis females

>>81432 Then stop talking like an autistic incel

>>81415 >>81429 You're the one assuming what nature is. Nature is eternal, only our perception of it changes. There is no "authority" or morality that dictates it. Nature is codified by the laws of the universe as the manifestation of truth. If we for whatever reason force water to fall uphill that is our nature taking dominance, not "nature changing", even if it represents a disruption of the nature of the water. Not once did I mention "authority", "tradition" or "power structures" either but judging by what you're trying to imply it seems you already have the key but you're in denial. >What we can’t do is stand still and hide while the world is changing. Precisely. Because we are possessed by greater powers that seek the destruction of this world.

>>81475 Semantics. We are two different Lains you replied to. When I say nature changes Im talking about things like evolution, climate changes, new stars forming and ending, even the speed of light is not constant.

>>81476 I know, you're talking through a purely materialistic perspective that's in constant turmoil. Truth can be thought of as a blank canvas of light in which everything is, then you hold up a negative to the light to make sense of it, this is your perspective rooted in material reality. You're perspective is always changing as you develop and gain new experiences, this isn't nature changing, that nature has always been there as it is with all things.

>>81429 That is a beautiful praying mantis >>81475 I'm the other guy (not the mantis lain). You can refer to me as butterfly lain. I think fundamentally all three of us agree that nature is an evolving process, a dynamic system - not static. But I think we disagree in what perspectives and ideas we take from that common observation. We have radically different meanings when we say "nature" and very different ideas about what the "good life"/"true life" is based upon our differing ideas/systems of ideas. We're all coming from different perspectives on what ought to be and how we ought to live, and we apply our perspectives to our observations of what nature is to come to these different Weltanschauung. > If we for whatever reason force water to fall uphill that is our nature taking dominance, not "nature changing" From what I understand, your idea of "nature" is a concept of an immutable and unchanging truth that underpins reality and remains constant regardless of what we may do, kind of like the chain of causality in material determinism? The conclusion being that we ought to conform to our nature - or perhaps that we simply are incapable of defying it. Therefore we should seek to conform to nature? > You're just assuming what is nature to begin with. Nature also is ever changing not something stagnant. Are you the angelmorphism guy? I think I saw you in that thread. Anyways... My understanding of what you mean by "nature" is the standard biological imperatives of cells and other organisms to reproduce, but that we ought not conform to standard ideas because we can transcend them? Therefore we should seek to exceed/change nature? I guess superfacially I agree on the change part with mantis lain. Nature is change. I just don't think that we ought to be anything. Simply that we should be wild and different and change and grow to become stranger versions of ourselves - for the sake of change itself. Maybe mantis lain and I are both transhumanists? But for radically different reasons, since I am strongly against the usual eugenic and social-darwinian ideas behind it - or the idea that nature outside of simply existing has any influence/sway/authority on our way of existence. Maybe I've said too much. Future readers may know who I am from that little bit, but that's life I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ > power structures That was more of an aside. There's a lot of people who appeal to nature as some way to justify whatever arbitrary heirarchy they think should be the default - as though concepts like hierarchy aren't social inventions. Kind of in the same way that there's nature - the plants and animals and stuff that simply exist, and then Nature - the social invention prescribing the "correct" way of existence. On the other hand... >>81478 makes me think that you think of nature as kind of "just what exists" and then nature as we understand it is just our perspective on that stuff? In which case, I think we're on the same page. >>What we can’t do is stand still and hide while the world is changing. >Precisely. Because we are possessed by greater powers that seek the destruction of this world. I don't understand. Clarify could you please? I won't stick around. Define your terms so you're both on the same page. Enjoy your interesting discussion, I'll be watching!

>>81480 >From what I understand, your idea of "nature" is a concept of an immutable and unchanging truth that underpins reality and remains constant regardless of what we may do, kind of like the chain of causality in material determinism? The conclusion being that we ought to conform to our nature - or perhaps that we simply are incapable of defying it. Yes, exactly. If you're really trying to "go against nature" then you're only lying to yourself. I don't really care either way, it's just a stupid move. >There's a lot of people who appeal to nature as some way to justify whatever arbitrary heirarchy they think should be the default Yes I believe hierarchy is natural but that doesn't necessarily imply power structures. Like I was saying in angelmorphism, all the world orders throughout history were only cults in the beginning. As society follows, a hierarchy will emerge and a certain portion of the population not suited for that world order will be used as an offering. It's unavoidable and trying to circumvent it will only make things worse ("The Great Leap Forward" is a prime example), but most of the time politicians obfuscate the offering (homeless population in America) or scapegoat some other group (foreign wars). Such is the problem with utopian ideologies, the only way to destroy evil is to transgress it. >I don't understand. Clarify could you please? Revolution and change implies death and destruction. Everyone in this thread has expressed to some degree their will to change the world. No matter what disagreements I may have this is the most important thing to me. This is also the sad truth behind personal development and true self improvement. If you really want to "change your nature" that implies an immense self destruction and hatred. It's a dangerous path and the slightest mistake can send you spiraling out of control. But it's also why I love mantis lain, because he understands certain things that few can grasp in their lifetime.

>>81480 you need power to stand against her tho

>81492 >If you really want to "change your nature" that implies an immense self destruction and hatred nature doesnt refer to your true natural character you had at birth but what comes natural to you due years of ingraining how to think and act from formal education system or other social pressure. Its people realizing they got trained in behavior patterns that serve others rather than themself and so they wish to reshape themself to free their minds.

How do I stop dreaming? It's one thing if I was young and bright then maybe you could tell me to chase my dreams but it's clear to me that I am slow in the head, have mental and physical health issues and also am not the youngest anymore so I need to become realistic. Yet the thought of going for a realistic job, even the best case scenario of earning well working from home sounds depressing: consoming, tourism, having some hobby I am mediocre at... it all feels so meaningless.

>>81689 There's a saying along the lines of: "it's not too late until you're dead." In the time you use to dream and broswe the internet, you could work on your dream. I mean it's not like you have anything better to do. Even if you fail, at least you can say you tried.

>>81603 That only really applies in a biological sense. You're way of life is something internalized, it doesn't matter who's to blame for "making you this way". If your arm has a deadly poison you must amputate it - people incapable of a certain level of self awareness where hopeless from the beginning.

>>81704 Questioning what you don't even consider is impossible. If you don't notice you got bit you might die ignorant but if someone tells you you might make it to the hospital. A little help is all it takes for many.

>>81709 It's totally possible. The key is to fear yourself before anything else. While you might not be consciously aware, fear is a guiding tool. >A little help is all it takes for many. That doesn't negate my point. But the way I see it people who can't survive for a month in the wilderness are lower than animals. When I speak of personal development it means becoming a master of all things and embracing an antinomian way of life that many might consider "evil".