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Lains I have a problem, I was exposed to pornography at a very young age, at the beginning they were "normal" things as far as possible but each time I saw more horrendous things until I ended up seeing bestiality and other aberrational things, all this while being under 14 Currently, I have reformed my life after the pandemic, I began to exercise and diet (although I never became that fat) and I am currently less than 7 months away from applying to a military academy in my country, but again What I have done I feel dirty, like a degenerate, the things I have seen and done (thank God I did not manage to do anything really strong) haunt me every day and I notice that they affect my sexual preferences, causing me a certain attraction to very young boys 11- 14 (thing that tortures me every day) This hell has a solution, is it possible to forget it or get over it? or am I doomed

Everything tastes great to the hungry. This concept applies here too. About a month no porn should reset you so vanilla tastes great again.

>>72168 If you haven't done anything then I don't think your going to hell. But can you get over it? I guess there are some things you can never unsee. For better or worse, they are a part of your life and rather than trying to scrub your memory clean, you should accept what's done is done and do your best to build and be a better person. Feeling guilty about it is not going to help, your just mentally punishing yourself. >they affect my sexual preferences, causing me a certain attraction to very young boys 11- 14 (thing that tortures me every day) Once you accept and understand your unconscious desires, your in a better place to control them. There's nothing inherently wrong with being attracted to minors, what is wrong is acting on those feelings. Unless you seriously can't control yourself, seek out child porn or can only orgasm to minors, then there isn't really an issue. But beating yourself up for having those feelings isn't going to help. Ask yourself, are these intrusive thoughts? Is this something that a part of me genuinely desires? Why do I like very young boys? Is it the innocence? Am I sexually retreating to a childlike state because exposure to porn fed me a disturbing image of adult sexuality? Is there away I can relieve those urges in a legitimate way?

>>72168 1. Don't molest children 2. Forgive yourself (should be straightforward assuming you follow step 1)

>>72168 In addition to what other lains have suggested, seeking out a therapist that specializes in your condition will help you find constructive and effective methods to reform. I’ll pray you get better! Do your best lain!

>>72168 Let me tell you my take: Your issue will likely not decrease, and get worse, so long as you continue to give your free time to the internet (as I am doing now, and of course, it is detrimental) in isolation. In the real world, seeing as you detest this desire and seem to understand why it is wrong and desire not to hurt anyone, you will have no issue controlling yourself (but you probably want to avoid being alone with minors from now on). You have issue at home because no one knows what you are doing, but in the real world, people WILL know (especially those you abuse, for life). Therefore, to "get over" this issue, you must eliminate your ability to access regressive material, lessen your access to internet in isolation (find someone to talk to or something to do or some way so that you are not hidden away unaccountable and free to degrade yourself), and redirect your mind when these desires you detest arise in daily life (look somewhere else, think about something else, busy yourself with something else). I'd add that humanizing the subjects of your desire helps too if you cannot avoid them (try to think about their thoughts and families and lives and ask them about these things if you must converse; do not engage conversation on appearances, and remove yourself if you cannot control your thoughts). And find accountability and brotherhood with others who are struggling (obviously for them it will be vanilla things and you should not divulge your dirty details, but to know someone else is struggling with you is nice, and to be able to ... reprove eachother? when you fall is nice)

chill everything will be ok, I would pray and try to be hopeful, you can't change the past, I also wish I could

>>72168 The military will fix you, just become committed to die for a cause, any cause. The way of a warrior is found in death. You can devote your life to finding redemption through purpose. best of luck lain. You aren't the first and wont be the last to turn away from your past.

>>72243 lold, there was a military tribunal case cause some retards diddled something like 9year old girls in iraq while the parents had to watch. Blue helmets are also known for it.

>>72245 war crimes committed by subhumans =/= the pursuit of a righteous death. also the months of forced nofap will definitely help OP

>>72246 you claimed the mil fixes it, clearly it doesnt as you can list a wide range of cases. And if you think war is a valid excuse fine, then lets just look at okinawa, no war just a mil base and they are still known for a list of rape&kill cases cause soldiers cant keep their soykaf together.

>>72168 Please don't join the military. There is no honor in it anymore. There is no glory. There is no righteousness. Apply your kind soul somewhere else.

not all militaries are the same, so I hestitate to make quick full condemnations of your nation's mister op. Do you know any current officers or such people ? You should talk to them before you commit, it can be a difficult organization to leave if you get stuck in it, and many are plauged by bureaucratic insanity even before comming to questions of zog style alignment issues.

>>72168 My mother once said she understands people like you exist, and if she were like you she would kill herself. Then again, temperance is a foreign concept to her. I don't understand it. Maybe I realised how unrealistic my preference was early on, so I never explored too far. Instead, I'm abstinent. Extrapolating from my experience, the best you can do is embrace abstinence and limit the damage you've already caused. It is lonely, but it is better than degenerating further, or hurting those you love.

>>72168 God bless anon, stay strong.

Hi lainon, You cannot change the past but you do have the power to shape your future actions. You've acknowledged that the things you have looked at are wrong. It sounds like you are severely porn addicted. The good news is that abstaining from pornography for long enough can help mitigate some of the damage that it's done, and perhaps restore more "normal" sexual preferences. Even if that is not the case for you, I think the best course of action is abstinence. That is the course of action that I am taking because of the harm that pornography causes. It's a difficult road, but a worthwhile one. Best of luck.

In order for us to help you, you need to give us something in return: go to the depths of your psyche and describe how did this attraction develop. How did it work? Let’s start with this: when did you understand you are homosexual or bi? Because I assume you always were, but then watching porn led you this path?

>>72754 lmao, you really had me there in the first half ngl

>>72755 No, I am genuinely curious what psychological processes led to this. Look, current world is torn between 2 fractions: left calls priests pedos, then right calls lgbt pedos. And I am just sitting here in the middle, thinking: how is pedo actually formed? Politics will not give us an answer but I feel OP actually might. Because he is anonymous, has nothing to lose and wants us to help him. And actually I think he can help us by explaining the pedo and we can help him by perhaps pointing out that which he has repressed. So this is why i am interested in questions like: were you always gay and then became pedo for boys or how did it go? And what were the beginnings of it, id like to know the day or year that was pivotal. And what were the seeds that led to this

>>72758 Sex, especially violent sex is often less about sexual desire for reproductive reasons and more about arousal from a power or stimuli. Rapists don't usually rape for sexual attraction reasons, they get off on having power over others.

>>72168 I don't have a solution for you, but whatever you do, please don't ever forget that you are capable of change. This isn't what you are, it's not an intrinsic part of your personality and it's not hard coded into your brain.

>>72761 I'm this lainon. I wanted to elaborate a little further because this is important. I haven't gone through the same struggle that you are going through right now, but as long as you feel this way and don't act on your desires you're not a bad person in my book - evil doesn't worry about not being good. In my opinion, the absolute worst thing that you can do right now is start to think of yourself as a pedo as if it were a part of you. Once you take that label into yourself things will become considerably more complicated so don't do that. You might see yourself as some kind of monster but most people have at least some intrusive thoughts and/or were actually assholes in real life at some point, nobody is immune to comitting a mistake or two, and as far as I can tell you haven't done anything too bad so don't feel too guilty. Do your utmost to change, and don't be evil. Everything will be alright.

Watch this. https://youtu.be/3Q5DoYyV5RU

>>72168 So much conviction, why do you care to even shear this in the first place? There are a lot of degenerates on this board, especially the mods. look.. how about you circulate around soc and tell me how it made you feel.. right at home? this thread is nothing more but a yong boys concern if i where to post it i would do it just to get me entertainment.

>>72168 hey man. lainon here with a similar story. Apparently this is what unrestricted access to the internet does to a mf i guess. Click on one link out of curiousity from a young age and somehow not get grossed out by the acts. Oddly intrigued by it's existence, seek out for more and try to replicate the experiences alone. (Seeked out older strangers when i was young, even. Thankfully i never met anyone. I was too daring and an idiot.) I'm in my early 20s now. that was about 13 or 14 years ago this all started. While the end result isn't the same as you, my attraction covers almost everything around young teen, (mature attitude, like younger me, "shocker" i know), to adult. I think where our stories differ is how we both handle our current situation. I've personally come to terms with what I am, and i vow to never act on any urges IRL. If they ever show up. Yes, i was dumb, oddly brave and foolish to keep venturing that path. I didn't know any better. I know better now, and suffer the consequences. I can't mourn about it all day and, besides, I'm lucky that this isn't the only attraction in my preferences. I much prefer the stereotypical "man of the house" kind of person. There's not much to say on how i came to terms with it. Just gotta find a way to accept it I guess. I talked about it to my partner (who coincidentally battled with the same issue, although from a wildly different and more tame source than my backstory. He just found 2D loli neat. IRL never crossing his mind.) and it helped me figure out my boundaries. Drawings are fine, IRL is heavily discouraged. I think my attraction comes from how much I reflect myself and my past experiences alot in people, For example, I don't really have problems with someone going into a relationship with a minor as long as it's entirely consensual, but that's assuming the minor was as mature and willing as I was back in the day. Nowadays I approach these stories with heavy and pessimistic caution. For contrast, Everytime i see the occasional cp bot spam here, it repulses me, rather than interest me. There's nothing that's "me" in these posts and, while i never watched anything (and i plan on keeping it that way), I bet there never was any kind of real affection towards both parties in these forbidden films. Care is very important. I'm giving you a brief run down of my experience with all this. I don't want to go over too many details out of respect for the other lainons here. >This hell has a solution, is it possible to forget it or get over it? or am I doomed You are not doomed and there is defo a way to get over it. Don't let doom linger on your mind. I can't tell you how i got over myself in details because I'm afraid i made my peace a long time ago and the details are hazy.

>>72762 Sage for double posting, sorry about that, but I really like the advice this lainon says here. Despite what I think, I don't label myself as such. Despite everything, i am still me.

>>72758 It would be difficult to think about how the whole beginning began. It was normal. I liked women (I still partly like them) I only remember that little by little I got into weirder things on the internet, I never liked men, I just think it happened for certain interest in femboys to very young boys