/Vent/

Space to vent. ^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^ (((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))) )))))))))))))))))) (((((((((((((((((( v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v

I suspect I have made a social faux pas because I am unable to truly see myself as others do. It's not that they see me as something I'm not, I just wasn't produced naturally and they don't know where it all really came from and what's behind it. I made a vaguely self depricating comment,a nd it felt as though the world stopped. I realized that I never show anything resembling vulnerability, need, connection, or self doubt. Ever. So I broke the spell. Others see me as doing whatever I want without regard, they don't see the invisible walls. I suppose the idea that I would be subject to anything or not fully in control was unthinkable. Makes me think.

I don't know why I keep coming to imageboards, I clearly don't belong and they don't have anything for me anymore. Plus each day I am more convinced that browsing imageboards may be a form of mental disability.

i feel like im getting forced off the internet. everyone has just gotten so stupid. the larger imageboards are just impossible to browse. nothing but idiots who can't read, trolls, and AI posts. everyones become a sanctimonious macho douchebag or a fuarrrking glitterboy

>>71579 I really dislike the aggressive homosexual posting, where every "joke" is about how unironically gay they are.

I have run out of things I like to do in this planet and now it feels like all I can do is lie down and sleep. I have never enjoyed discussing any hobby with people, I have never really had real hobbies. But the junk I did waste time with like music movies games anime has all disappeared. I don't even find that much joy in going back to stuff that I use to like. and i don't care at all about keeping up with any of the new releases of any of these things.

>>71645 I tried reaching out and as expected they already blocked me. Didn't even get a chance to apologize for not reaching out sooner. If you see your friends doing stupid soykaf thats harmful to themselves please reach out sooner than later.

wanted to see how the liberte thread was doing but seems its gone. Why?

i cant get over the fact that i am not young anymore the way i act and the things i think are not acceptable for my age but i never had the chance to BE young i have no memories. i have nothing to hold onto. im just expected to be an adult when i have had none of the experiences of youth. nobody has ever given a fuarrrk about me, and now im just tossed to the wolves. i just wish i had a chance to be young. i wish i could have gone out into the world and been young in it. seeing manga or movies about young people makes me want to die. i know its not realistic, but there is still some truth in it. i hear people in real life talk about youth experiences. and i have none of that. i dont even know what to do. im not a full person. i cant go out and do anything in this world. i cant even secure my own happiness. i cant even entertain myself. i think some people on this world are better off not thinking for themselves and i am one of them

>>71799 It was the same for me. How old are you now?

>>71771 I've yet to meet a person with so much hatred for the other people that was satisfied with himself. This anger is corrosive. Even if You still believe in these things, just let up on being so hateful towards others. Theybare just trying to find their place in the world just like you. If their existence and activism is so damaging to you you need to work on being less fragile.

>>71811 Yes, I need to conquer them and mold them like clay. That's exactly right. They need to be put in their place.

AAAAAAAAAAAA I AM SO MISERABLE. IT NEVER STOPS. FROM THE MOMENT I WAKEUP TO WHEN I FINALLY SLEEP. IT NEVER EVER STOPS. IF SOMEONE ELSE HAD MY LIFE THEY WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER OFF. IM JUST A BROKEN TOY

Mummy came over again today. Unannounced without letting me know as usual. She banged on my bedroom window and thats what ended up waking me up for the day. She wanted me to help her move house. I simply stared at the floor in silence until she left. I can't believe I'm an adult and this stuff is still ruining my life. It would have been better to be an orphan.

>>71820 >>71821 You too sound fully vaccinated. If you unvaxx you can start to do this properly. Vaccination separates your astral body from the physical and aetheric. You're going to have a very difficult Saturn return ~27 because of what they did to you, so begin to take control now.

>>71822 What the hell are you talking about man

>>71824 You were injected with material at birth that separated your astral body (higher self) from your physical and aetheric (loosely "mind") bodies. This is why you're having issues, the two are decoherent so your life is dragging on without the physical body and mind being brought where they ought to be, because the connection to your astral form has been made unstable. That is what it is to be vaccinated. The puppet strings are taken away from your "I" and given to whatever wants to take them in the material world. Therefore you must come to realize this, and unvaxx.

>>71825 You are wrong, you don't belong here

>>71825 you are making strange assumptions without reason

>>71826 >>71827 I am correct, and I do belong here. You don't comprehend yet, but you will thank me later.

>>71839 >>71840 I simply don't understand what I am supposed to say. I am not being facetious.

>>71842 I see. I suppose that itself is an answer. I hope things improve for you but just know it's not going to just happen on its own.

>>71843 huh? i am so confused right now

>>71844 You're okay Lain. I'm not one of these love and light types, I'm actually often aggressive and cold, even subtly domineering. However I have compassion for you, and I wish you well.

Le sigh. I told her that I was infatuated with her, she told me that she's not sure if she likes men (but does 'probably' like me beyond a platonic way, in the sense of "warm feelings"). So now we're on a break, not chatting anymore, for the sake of my sanity. If we're actually "meant" to be together it'll happen, I guess. If not, it won't. I feel myself in the mood to find a replacement for her to pin this infatuation onto, but it probably wouldn't happen. Not reliably, especially not with my current lease in life, my disposition. I guess I'll just go back to slaving away, but I find myself at a point in life where I could really use another to justify that slaving. I don't even like drugs or video games, so I can't do those.

Sigh, something from the past caused me stress and I now appear to be doing drugs again. It's only chocolate but it gets me high af and eventually acts as a strong dissociative and produces mania. I have to remain in control and not try to go off to wonderland.

I frequently glance at /mega and skim over some threads and run past this vent and see some of the most insane feeling things that demand a reply but venting seems like maybe is asking for none. lol. no need to reply to this im just letting off steem ahahah.

>>71845 you are a bad person, we are not friends

>>71852 You cannot get me to withdraw my compassion.

>>71852 Also your reciprocity is neither desired nor required. I have neither stated nor implied that we're friends or connected in any meaningful way.

>>71861 It's fairly typical of lainchan types. You have cognitive empathy, but not much emotional empathy. Porn use contributes to this only marginally. If you want to treat the issue at the root, I would look into increasing your metabolic rate. Look into Ray Peat.

>>71877 Not him, but fuarrrk Ray Peat. He's right about seed oils and EMFs, but he says a lot of bullshit. In particular eating sugar. I arrived at patterns that actually put his soykaf to the test long before I encountered him, no, it doesn't work and it makes no sense. Won't even start on the hormone replacement stuff. No, don't listen to Ray Peat. It's real simple, listen up and listen good. -Eliminate highly processed food with a bunch of additives. -Eliminate seed oils -Eliminate grains for a while, that's barley, rye, wheat, corn, rice, millet, sorghum, arrowroot,a nd so on. -Eliminate dairy for a while, see how you feel. -Be wary of diets heavy in legumes as lectins and phytates are hard to digest. -Default to foods with no added sugar, or sugar without fiber. I have tried it and lives it, it gives you temporary energy but depletes your vitamin and mineral status, you cannot sustain it. It's a drug, a tool you use to get stuff done, not a lifestyle. -Add something like polygonum multiflorum, dandelion root and leaf, gotu kola, ginkgo biloba, mullein leaf, mucuna pruriens, turnera diffusa, celastrus paniculatus. Raw cacao as well. -Eat more salt and drink more water. -NAC and vitamin C. -A high quality multivitamin without soykaf fillers, particular B-vitamins.

>>71881 Stay sick, weak, and retarded then. Less competition.

>>71884 kek, mindless animal defines itsel;f by i can't go to the store and eat muh packaged food out of the trough with the rest of the human livestock. I'll give you that you can't really go out to eat if you want to stick to it strictly. Beyond that, deal. Whine more kiddo. You're going to live your life under my boot, you will live and die by my whim, it is pain which binds us, the pain I feel to trample on your like a flight of stairs and the pain you feel to be crushed against rock bottom as you "live" the rest of your miserable life sinking deeper into the abyss.

>>71886 > I just find your gymbro self improvement racket really depressing and offputting. I find your braindead "I just got here" characterizations tiresome. I built this space, by necessity, long before anyone was memeing it. I have cured the incurable and more. People like you are playthings and by the time I'm done with you, you'll be doing all of what I want, and none of what I do not want, you will believe you chose it, you will be happy with it, the airheaded soykaf for brains slush box empty you call a sense of self will inherit fruits you never deserved and never will.

>>71888 The physical body is a machine. So is the mind. They're puppets. Now as for the whether the connection between the physical and the astral is bidirectional, that's another matter. People subscribe to it because it's measureable and it gets results. People are programmable.

"Nothin is wrong with the world, the food and water is fine, ill jus eat whatevs i want" momo deletes his posts. Good. I'll probably BTFO you on the astral plane later too.

>>71878 Genuinely good advice here lol. I will add that a lot of municipal water supplies in the US are in really bad shape, local governments try to hide it but ask a civil engineer and they'll tell you. At the very least, filter your water.

I love pain and suffering apparently, closer I am to death I feel more alive. But I have found it more interesting when I command it and I prepare for it. Better to do 300 pushups, learn chinese and try to understand some scientific concept than to get my shir pushed in by some narcissistic fuarrrkwad who got angry at me winning in life. What most peculiar is that this suffering is commanded by God in some way. I can't stop it because that is path he gave me. And I don't hate him for it, but I want more of it.

>>71894 It's because you offered up your capacity for spontaneous positive emotions as a sacrifice in early childhood,a nd instead learned to find comfort and strength in pain. You must create pain and demand to create meaning, you store those negative states and use them to create positive emotions on the fly. You function and drive yourself through alleviating negative emotions, a never ending battle, because it's all your core is capable of understanding. It understands the sense of safety in pain and deprivation, and little else. It considers anythign else to be weakness, weakness is death, the vultures are always circling. So it uses this as an excuse to remain apart, to stay the same at the core, and engage with world through surrogates like learning whatever things. Essentially you learned to sublimate the libido.

>>71608 go for it lainon, i believe in you

I kinda cracked yesterday. My mom wrote and asked me to come visit them in late July since my distant relatives that I haven't seen since 10 years ago will be visiting for a day since they are going through. She wanted to introduce me and my gf to them. I told her I got better plans to do than meet some rando's who hold no meaning to me. She told me it would be awkward for me not to come. I said I'll tell them that I don't want to come personally if nessesary. She said it was an insult to them and her. I said I didn't want to upset her but that was too much. I have a job and live in a different city (4 hours by car) She said she was appealed. I said nobody likes their distant relatives and I had better things to do like going to the planetarium with my gf and she did not decide what I do and where I go. My gf started shaking and curled into a corner of the bed with her face into the pillows and said she would go anywhere and do anything if that will make us stop arguing and stayed in that nervous breakdown state for a while. It kinda surprised me because fuarrrk my mom, she's not a boss of me anymore and we are not supposed to do what she tells us just to please her ego and keep up stupid appearances to some rando's... After a bit I came back to my senses and spent 1 Hour apologising for my behaviour and promised to see if I could manage to visit After that I held my gf as she cried that she is useless and is making everything worse because I said I didn't want my mom to trouble her since she had a rough few weeks. Next day I was kinda lethargic and depressed at work but occasionally any small inconvenience makes me go into rage mode for 10 minutes and then I'm even more of an emotional husk. Hopefully that was just something bottled up and it won't happen again for some time.

>>71921 Read Brain Energy by Chris Palmer MD.

My life is terrible, I grew up in an abusive home and it really fuarrrked me up, then got sent to the worst psych ward in the country which fuarrrked me up even more. My mom raped me and I've been to enough shrinks to know that I'm beyond repair, I barely can interact with people, especially women and I get blueballed all the time because of my social anxiety, a literal model was waiting for me naked in my bed and I got so spooked I puked everywhere. I ended up making a short film, I was planning on killing myself after, it was fuarrrking garbage so I'm making another one. I have 2 friends, they're chads and working as my assistants on this new movie, I have no idea why. So I've been trying to get it together, tried a dopamine detox, I lasted for 4 days before giving in, never had a job and I've been trying to get one turns out I'm soykaf at this too, my friends keep telling me to stop being lazy but I just can't do anything right. There's a ton of stuff to be done for the movie and I can't even get out of bed, I know I'm going in the right direction by focusing on a project and trying to be productive but goddamn am I bad at this, I've literally spent all my life browsing imageboards and watching anime, I feel like such a bug compared to everyone else. Any advice? If I fuarrrk up this short film I might go insane and go on a killing spree in minecraft, my life is unbearable and every attempt I make at fixing it ends in failure, it really feels like a pointless struggle.

>>71930 >wants me to takes benzos Drop your shrink and do not ever take them, if you ever want to get off the benzos you will have to spend a full year in the fog and everyday will be an existential nightmare, there is a reason benzos are illegal in a lot of countries, it's a terrible drugs that shrinks use to get the patient addicted and fuarrrk them up even more, the more disturbed the client the more they book therapy sessions. Shrinks who gives soykaf like this to their patients aren't clueless, they're straight up evil.

>>71933 I did try every drug under the sun (even meth), and benzos are the soykaftiest drug there is. It doesn't even calm you down. I will give it a try tho, I trust my psychologist and I can't get addicted to any drug.

>>71936 Benzos have the worst withdrawals of any drugs, I have literally been a test subject for experimental pills so drop the tough guy act. If you want to go through hell and keep getting scammed by your shrink you do you.

Aaah I'm fuarrrking sick of not having a single definite goal that'll bring about a better future, no plan, no goal, no nothing, just my competing interests and an environment which imposes in me conflicting needs, needs which I don't want to attend to. I don't give a flying fuarrrk about money, I really don't, I wish I and everybody could just conduct ourselves without the constant need to save some soykaf currency that is worth absolutely nothing and which we wlrship like some demonic entity usurping the very life force that keeps us moving. fuarrrking ass money is like kicking dead whales down the beach out the joy in everything and we fuarrrking need it just to be able to enjoy life at all. I am fuarrrking sick of the talk of money, the worry about money, the insidious presence of money in every act of our existence. I am not against work, but the inscription of work in a money exchange apparatus makes work a source of much anxiety when it should be uplifiting and invigorating. I seriously hope, I wish the whole monetary economy collapses, I hope it all comes down crashing and burns to the ground never to rear it's hideous face again on this planet. Sure, I may suffer some deprivations but I believe the overall suffering of mankind would go down thousandfold. Just the thought of money keeps me anxious about the choice of goals that are not even mine to begin with, for which I don't care, and which keep me from progressing where it really matters. I seriously hope WW3 wipes the servers of banks the world over and turns the trillions of currency units to a bad memory.

>>71993 >I seriously hope, I wish the whole monetary economy collapses Same. And I think it could very easily. The only problem is that the money men will try to take everyone else down with them.

i don't belong anywhere. i long for human connection but i'm extremely anxious around new people so i don't go out to meet new people so i feel lonely and the cycle is complete. i used to at least be able to have some friends on the net but nowadays even this feels not possible for me.

>>72225 Everyone on the net is stupid creep cocksucker, or has the same problem you do because under the same environmental stimulus that you are, ie manmade EMFs which fuarrrk up your brain activity. Then you wonder why. Oh but you're a stupid cocksucker too. So of course you won't listen. fuarrrk retarded nigger. God I can't even come up with an insult that would capture all of what you deserve. fuarrrk you.

>layed off few months ago >be in 20+ interviews and just cant land them out of fear and stress >my gf lost her job too >we scrape by by asking our parents for handouts >basically just scrape by >decide to sell drugs for quick buck >paranoia eats at me >start using heavily >all of my friends leave me (even the best one) >gf stops me before getting further into them >everything suddenly needs repairs that we dont have money for >my angry demeanour and large stature makes most people IRL just react aggressive to me >owe a lot of taxes >landlord suspects me of being unemployed and wants me out >didn't sleep 3 hours at one time in last 3 weeks >my therapist is heavily concerned as she diagnosed me with autism/paranoid schizo/ASPD (all three yea) >she wants me heavily sedated with benzos >find out last week gf is pregnant >she is on antidepressants that heavily affect the fetus >we want to abort, which puts even more strain on relationship >we live in a country that has all right winger doctors that dont abort babies >literally have to bribe a doctor under the table with large sum of money that we dont have >gf has huge mood swings and I try to console her >gf is talking to her mom in next room >her mom is saying her that she ought to just have the baby Thank you for reading I guess

>>72230 How much of it is larp?

>>72225 >i don't belong anywhere same

>>72230 You still have a gf. Well, guess it's not the best thing to say to someone in your situation, sorry. Honest question: would you exchange all your problems with being a KHHV wizard?

I'm just too tired to pick myself up and actually do something useful. I really feel that I peaked post high school when I gave enginnering entrance exam. Luckily I cracked that tough nut and got into my dream uni, but ever since then I'm just coasting by. I suspect I might have ADHD but no way to get it tested because the general consensus of most people is "if you're sad, just start being happy" / "if you aren't working hard, it means you're just lazy". I'm just stuck at a job for past one year and my attempts to not procrastinate and prepare for job interviews has been futile for most part. I guess I should just go on tech detox to finally muster focus to work on one task and not get distracted .

Try as I might to do so otherwise, I keep finding myself hating others the more I know them and hang out with them. I had a group of friends that stopped talking with other over fuarrrking politics and it pisses me off to no end how petty they were to each other over something that barely affects them. Worse yet is getting dragged in and being told to pick a side as if this was some fuarrrking schoolyard fight, despite me knowing that they've been keeping me at arm's length for a long time now. I'm so fuarrrking sick of people being two faced dicks. I just fuarrrking hate people.

>>72323 What about these? People always used some sortd of smiley faces on the internet since the 90s, didn't they?

>>72322 Its been getting worse though. I've been on Lainchan since I don't know when. Since before the site split and all the soykaf happened. I've noticed deterioration around here though. On bad days it feels like 4chan

>>72329 There's no contradiction. It's the difference between the divided and monolithic minds. You have to understand layers of indirection and compartmentalization. For example you talk about sending gifs and funny faces to your gf. The way I in terpret that, either you're cold and calculative and you know how to push ehr buttons and prime her to respond in the pattern you want later on, or you're drawing on the infantilr core in order to generate playful behaviors, because that's what women like. In my case this isn't actually possible in an experienced sense. The core uses robotic child alters as described elsewhere, and the more infantile aspects of the core (wwhat people incorrectly call an inner child) is either stored in a thick glass case that is opaque to move of the inner world aside from those who have eyes to see and ears to hear. So when I need its functions, I ask the ones who can see and hear, and they relay it. I would just drain its blood out and pull it into pieces if I didn't need the pieces to work together somewhat seamlessly. In other cases the fire (will) and heart and so on are transferred into a tower with rules. There is no other way to describe it to you. I felt little when I wrote my prior post, and I feel little now. Action is largely decoupled from emotion and belief, I have a should mind, not a feel mind. I don't feel anger I feel things like pity, contempt, and disgust. It's all off to the side and generates shoulds in my mind, which I then incorporate into broader models about waht is and ought. If the Chalice of anger overflows it's due to being degenerate to the point where it's not being transmuter or offloaded af[ter being stored. Which yeah, is increasingly the case. I'm basically a garbage version of me 10 years ago, can't compare at all. He didn't have any of these problems.

>>72330 All these fuarrrking brain typos. Now THAT pisses me off. Get it together you stupid bastard, do it right or don't do it at all. Get your soykaf done, do it right, you won't have this problem. Just shut up and do what you are fuarrrking supposed to.

>>72328 There it is. That's the one.

>>72333 To clarify in case it wasn't clear....

>>72334 You're Clearly a disturbed individual and a little provoking can lead you to some dark places that will negatively impact your livelihood... Anyway, check out this article https://mashable.com/article/apple-most-popular-emoji-laugh-cry I'm sure you'll be delighted.

>>72328 >>72333 >>72334 lmao these are great. thanks for posting sage for not vent fortunately

>>71576 Neighbors next door keep having loud and rough sex and it's disgusting. Not to mention I cant sleep when they are grunting and moaning very loudly all night. The girl kept yelling loud that I eventually started playing loud metal and they stopped fuarrrking almost immediately. I saw the two of them the next morning and they seemed angry at me. I don't know what to do, but they act like I am the problem neighbor despite several people complaining about their sex life.

>am conventionally good-looking and very tall (even got offered a modeling deal when I was a bit younger) >put a lot of effort into how I dress, into skincare, haircare and also into fragrances >do not play games or watch movies, watch very little anime >med student so great career/future prospects >very self-confident, outgoing, extroverted and relaxed >have productive hobbies such as reading, linguistics and playing the guitar and yet I still cannot find a gf. Seriously, what am I even missing at this point? The only thing I can think of is that I am not very buff so I started hitting the gym recently but I do not think that's gonna solve the problem. And then I have friends who are complete losers, longtime NEETs, not even that good looking and they get a lot of girls and I mean nice, wholesome girls and not floozy egirls. I seriously do not get it. I cannot explain it to myself in any way other than I have the worst luck on earth. Most people I talk to this about tell me that I am young yet and it doesn't matter, but being in a nice and wholesome relationship has always been one of my biggest lifegoals and I just cannot seem to achieve it no matter how hard I try

>>72386 What have you tried? How many women do you ask out? If it's a lot, maybe there is something about your way of interacting and connecting with people that is unattractive or offputting in a way that isn't obvious to you. Or maybe there is something specifically unattractive about you to the type of women you pursue. OTOH I'm very unqualified to give this advice so feel free to ignore.

>>72387 Idk prolly 5-10 in my life, some of the girls were already taken though (didn't know at the time) One of the girls I asked out I instead became good friends with and she told me that the girls I ask out are all way below my level and that they have no reason declining/not going out with me, she was also perplexed why I am struggling so much with this.

>>72390 You have posted a neat pic. that makes you a based Lain. I hope you have based things come to you, based Lain!!

>>72390 "way below" might be your issue. Try to pitch more your lvl, if you 9 asking 4 they will think scam. Also i believe having a social circle and friend group beats other factors. I got asked by girls to date several times and it was always from girls in my circle that already knew me. Related to having a social life when i look at your hobbies >have productive hobbies such as reading, linguistics and playing the guitar >reading >solo activity >guitar >only works if you play band >linguistics >only works if you join a group to learn

>>72386 1. Focus on finding female friends, not girlfriends. Don't concern yourself with dating. You should genuinely be their friend and not someone who is orbiting them in hopes of dating. You should be content to have platonic friendships with them. 2. Amass a social circle which contains many women. 3. "Friendzone" is bullshit. Eventually one or more will become interested in you. Even if it takes a long time to work out, you'll have a group of new friends. >>72374 Bad advice: loudly moan when they're going at it. Loud enough they'll hear it through the walls. When they stop, loudly say something like, "jammit, sorry guys they usually go longer than that. Did anyone else cum or just me?" Serious advice: just tell them their sex is loud enough that it's keeping you and other neighbors awake at night. Most people will stop after being directly confronted. They may not have realized the music was in response to their sex noises. People don't realize how loud they are in the moment.

>>72393 I have friends but they are all largely outsiders and do not have many friends themselves. Some have a partner, mostly through luck, some don't.

>>72390 >5-10 in my life, some of the girls were already taken though Sounds like your main problem is volume then, that's a really small sample size and rejection is normal. Maybe you could try a dating app? With all your on-paper advantages you won't have the issue a lot of guys do with getting permafiltered.

>>72398 In my experience people who are really engaged in a topic are busy doing it rather than talking online. I feel you, it'd be nice to have some conversation on actually interesting topics, to encourage and inspire. What can I say, it's a ronery path.

>>72402 I tried this on Lainchan and elsewhere. Didn't work out. It biased me a bit more towards passive aggressive Thanatos dominant functioning.

>>72398 >i just want to talk about math, work on cool projects and share my appreciation about something. I can't find a single place where this is possible. Academia, unfortunately, is the only place I've experienced this for math and programming. >I think from now on i will just ignore every single thing that produces these unsympathetic feelings and just talk about and do what i actually like. A good decision.

>>72401 >just don't participate So basically, I don't matter. fuarrrk me, right? And then in the same breath you complain about being forced to keep quiet when you just told me to do the same because I am not as special as you

>>72405 honestly you are annoying as fuarrrk, go suck a bag of dicks >>72404 >Academia, unfortunately, is the only place I've experienced this for math and programming. I'm an academic. There are some nerds but usually people are solely concerned about their career, publications, everyone is stressed as fuarrrk and a lot of them are too busy competing with one another to have a friendly conversation about anything.

>>72402 But are they doing it with whom? At some point the desire to share the experience with others appears. Actually i'm not even sure what is bothering me so much. It seems senseless to do things just by myself. So i write a program or whatever and let it die on my computer, no one will ever know about it, it won't be used by anybody, nor will it inspire anyone. Or maybe i have a cool thought and write it on my notebook, no one will ever see it, so why bother? It was way easier when i was younger, wtf happened? I would go to school, sit with my nerd friends and talk about what we were doing, now it seems we are so overwhelmed by life problems that we can't just enjoy anything, let alone enjoy something together.

>>72003 Bros, it's going very very well. At least one thing went right in this past year.

>>72406 >honestly you are annoying as fuarrrk, go suck a bag of dicks I just want you to think on the fact you said this next time you talk about feeling alienated and like an outsider man.

>>72401 Such obsession decoheres at the scales required to thanklessly share it.

>>72411 you better wtch your mouth man, i'm not kidding

>>72408 You answered your own question. You grew up and life caught up to you. The reason this kind of thing >>72398 basically only possible when you're like 16-20 yo, maybe you can stretch it to 23 if your family can provide for you. After that you join the world of the adults and boy does this generation suck to be in. Mind you, it's not the worst, especially in some parts of the world, but generally things are a bit worse economically for this generation than for a few that came before. And it's always down to economy. If everyone could afford to live without feeling like they are selling their soul in small amounts doing a job they hate this wouldn't be so difficult to achieve. It is no surprise that the most open minded thinkers were slave owners. They could afford to be free thinking, some even justified slavery by saying it allows those with high intelligence to work on their esoteric stuff without worry. If you live a terrible life, you will bring this negatively wherever you go. If almost everyone does, doesn't matter if the community is supposed to be chill, it will slowly become toxic. Such is the way of life. Apart from joining the cult or something can't really recommend a way out.

>>72416 Nostalgia. I do miss the days when you'd log into some forum to find a PM (more nostalgia: the days when it was PM and not DM) from a moderator or user group leader telling you that you've been granted access to the secret subforums nobody talked about on the main forums. Your e-peen would grow 3x its size and you'd spend the day catching up on the culture of the secret boards. In truth however, most of the time those subforums were dead.

>>72581 You claim you have assburgers and you're light years more socially proficient than I ever was. Never in my life did I manage tonsuccessrully flirt with a woman. And I am not in the spectrum. I don't believe you are, either. I wish you success, though.

'm tired of trannies. they just had to push their soykaf into one of my favourite games CCDA, adding all sorts of fagflags. and a tranny tampon pack?? "men can bleed too"???? just leave me the fuarrrk alone, this is an apocalyptic zombie survival/crafting game, wtf just jump off the project trannydev has contributed 3 commits!!! and lead dev just said go fucĸ yourselves lol fork it if you don't like it so tired. i don't play the game anymore.

>>72737 They have rapist / molester mentality. Everything is about maneuvering and forcing yourself onto everyone else. Very much penetrative, of the mind and life of others. Sublimated sexual aggressive, hypersexual degenerates.

>>72737 There is only one rule in politic: you no touch bread and circus. Even that was too much to ask it seem. You know what you have to do now. Tolerate or don't.

>>72752 >just get a mod Mod site mods are trannies and wage war against heretics by banning their mods. The problem is the mentally ill seek positions of power to force their soykaf on people while sane don't have the drive to fight it.

>>72753 It's open source, just make your own mod. It'll probably take all of 5 minutes. But also consider that maybe the actual problem is that you're so sensitive that seeing a flag you don't like in an open source game gives you an annyuerism. A "sane" person isn't going to have such an overblown reaction.

Not venting but just wanted to get this off my chest, I come from a psycho-conservative muslim family. All my life I wasn't allowed to draw (it parodies creation), listen to music (it distracts from the quran), or write any sort of fiction (it's lying) even though those three things are my favorite hobbies. Now I'm in college and I can do all those things freely. It's really liberating.

>>72798 >Lastly why are you so sensitive about removing it if its no big deal? Seems disingenuous attempt to ridicule it. If I was sensitive about removing it, why would the first sentence in my post be an instruction to remove it? For context, >>72789 is my only post about it, I'm not >>72752. Maybe you're confusing me with them? My stance is that it the optimal solution is for >>72737 to not give a soykaf about flags and if they're incapable of that, they should take advantage of the game being open source and remove them. I don't know or care about any fanslation drama

Been thinking of just ditching all of my online friends and just removing my online footprint entirely. After all the drama, fake niceties, and passive aggression (or sometimes, actualized aggression) I realized one thing. I'm just tired of people, tired of all of them. Tired of their bullshit, their hypocrisies, their lies, their general hostility, so I just want to just leave and never look back. I don't have the courage to do so though, because I'm afraid of being completely and utterly alone. To have that existential loneliness encroach on me closer and closer and closer as the things I do to try to escape and keep my mind off that stuff slowly loses it's potency. I'm so jampacked with stuff I want to share and talk about with other people, but I just bottle it up and bury it all deep deep deep down inside because I will never be able to find someone out there who I can truly open up to and connect with. Being myself around other people just invites hatred, ridicule, and other unsavory feelings. I pretend it doesn't affect me a lot of the time, but it seriously does and I have to do my best to grit my teeth and bear it. I don't want someone who'll just listen, I want someone on my same wavelength who I can resonate with, just an honest to goodness real friend. They don't exist though, I know that deep down in my heart, Despite that however, I'd still like to believe that maybe somewhere out there, someone who's feeling the same way as me exists out there. That maybe after being burned and burned and burned again every time I try to deepen my social connections with someone else, that I'll find someone. Maybe I'm just an idiot for trying to do this on the net, the hellish cesspit of modern society, full of the psychotic rage and toxicity people are unable to express in the real world, but it's not like the real world is that much better. I cut off all my connections to my real life "friends" as well, and that hurt a lot to do as well. Hell, I don't even know how to connect with or fully relate to or properly socialize with people anymore outside of banal small talk. Nobody wants to be friends and after I fully discover their true character, neither do I. My only interactions with people in the real world have either been being bullied by them and just generally being on the receiving end of their awful behavior, so it's not like I ever really learned how to properly socialize with people either. My childhood wasn't that much better either, sexually abused by my mother, being beat so hard my ribs were broken and my teeth were chipped by my father, sexually abused by my sister as well. Bullied to hell and back by my classmates, being on the receiving end of all my real "friends" toxicity and abuse, on the receiving end of all my workplaces power trips and general awful soykaf. I guess my lot in life is just being everyone's source of stress relief, and there's no escaping the cards fate has given me. I don't even have the courage to kill myself, I constantly think about it every single hour of every single day, but I'm never able to follow through.

Want to break up with my girlfriend, but I still love her. She's not terrible to me, but I know I can't marry her. Maybe I should just talk to her, but thinking about that makes me feel sick. Might be better off waiting for her to do it

I'm haunted by nightmares. Every night I experience something so strange that it leaves me in a weird state for the rest of the day. The count of sleepless nights grows and grows and I feel lost in all of it.

Back in my childhood, I had a neighbor who lived 2 houses from my left. He was an old man named Art. He lived alone, spoke very little, hadn't done lawncare in years, and from the outside you'd imagine nobody lived in his home. One time I was desperate for cash, so I drew a little comic book on one page and he bought it for $20. Anyway, he died a few years later and my father volunteered to help clean out his place. As you'd expect, it was filled with nothing but junk and porno mags. As a kid, I wondered... how could someone live that way? My feeling was not one of pity, I didn't think he was pathetic. I was just confused. As an adult, I understand him way better now. I became that adult who just sits inside and jerks off all the time. Who lost his lust for life years ago. At this rate I'm going to become exactly like him, and so will a ton of guys in our generation. And I'm not even sure how we can avoid that fate. What used to be normal, expected life achievements for all men are now something we all have to "grind" at, or else they're just not gonna happen. And despite what "grifters" will tell you, putting in more effort is not gonna fix the issue. Because even if every man ups his game, competition will just go up, the available # of careers and affordable houses is not going to increase. Does it sound crazy if I believe finding a girl is an unrealistic goal now?

My girlfriend was raped and all of her friends are leaving her because they think she cheated on me. Anyways she is more obsessed with me now than she has ever been. Not sure how to feel about it.

Is this Vent still running? Oh well, I fuarrrked up my friend ship with a girl with my actions. She used to sit beside me and now she sits in front of me with another dude. I feel bad, she gives a particular reason but I know she just doesn't like me as a friend. I fuarrrked up so badly man , how do I move on when she sits right in front of me reminding me of my failures....

>>83974 She isn't obsessed with you , she is going through a traumatic experience , be alongside her when she is the most vulnerable she has ever been.

>>85008 I mean whats the reason? Do you think maybe how you are reacting to them sitting next to someone else could be a part of it? Not everyone is a one buddy person and likes to go around and fraternize with everyone and if you start to react poorly or weirdly to that then they really might start avoiding you. The solution when you are feeling like this about someone isnt to spiral but to also find other people to talk to.

>>85011 >I mean whats the reason? About what in particular? >Do you think maybe how you are reacting to them sitting next to someone else could be a part of it? Could be , I am trying to think about it but I think some part of my behaviour previously have made her uncomfortable , atleast what she told a lady friend of mine. > Not everyone is a one buddy person and likes to go around and fraternize with everyone and if you start to react poorly or weirdly to that then they really might start avoiding you. Well she is a jolly and extroverted type of person. >The solution when you are feeling like this about someone isnt to spiral but to also find other people to talk to. thanks fren , will take your advice.

>>85016 fuarrrk me man , they are enjoying and watching memes , i used to do that with her. I genuinely hate coming to lab for this reason.

>>71821 what's going on in your life

>be me, 17 years old dude living in ukraine. >study soykaf i hate just for the sake of making enough money for myself and my family later(applied math i.e.programming) >war breaks out >already existing mental health problems begin manifesting themselves >start doing psychedelics, ignoring education, losing friends >get triggered by death of close person on war and enlist by myself at age of 18 >serve as combat medic in assualt infantry >witness and participate in acts of undescribable violence >get shellshocked 3 times >always smoke weed when having some free time and no apparent risk to life >chug kratom every single fuarrrking day >constantly feel like soykaf because of drug abuse, poor sleep and nutrition and high levels of stress >unit gets sent into another soykafhole where chances of survival are ~10% if not less >desert the army and illegally cross border because all legal ways of leaving this hellhole are inaccesible >20 years old, being in foreign country with poor knowledge of local language and a little bit of money >can't return home because considered a criminal in there now, but can't stay here unless i switch to another visa i am not complaining or anything, at least i am alive and with both my legs and arms, but holy soykaf, the way everything goes in my life sometimes just makes me wish that i died at the frontline or from overdose or something. i have a way to get out of this situation, but it requires me to put in fuarrrkton of effort and even afterwards it's absolutelly not 100% that everything will be ok and i can be deported or have to move somewhere else and live illegally or whatever the fuarrrk this life brings in.

>>85077 You got more reason to complain then most here, your making the best out of the worst. There was a study on I think vietnam vets who got hooked on opium and there was a very high remission rate for the addiction once some years had been spent back home away from danger and in counseling. Addiction can be a lifelong internal battle but it can also and often is brought on by environmental circumstance and outside stressors and has a tendency to go away once these stressors are remedied. It might be near impossible for you to unwind right now without the help of kratom or weed given what you were just in and what you are currently facing, there is a hypervigilance acquired both in war and its probably continuing with the fact that you are in a country illegally and are at risk of deportation always in the background. Thats not to say its good obviously but its not that you are failing to deal with this situation appropriately, you just are trying to survive and stay sane. There is better ways sure but its not like you cant find those better ways eventually, you are doing what was available to you and worked in the right now, which makes sense. Theres also a lot you are doing clearly thats very forward thinking too so dont count yourself out, your thinking about how to get a visa. You made what sounds like the appropriate but tough decision to value your life and run when others didnt value your life.

>>85079 before escaping i promised to myself, that after crossing the border, i will never return to opiates(kratom is just a drug of choice, also i tried tramadol, oxy and fent patches, but they happened to be unsustainable) in my life, because how robotic, soykafty, alienated from myself and generally fuarrrked up it makes me feel. I even had a one moth long kind of grace period, where i could just do nothing and chill, because i was waiting for my documents. But i fuarrrked it up and relapsed on second week, felt terrible because of that, currently continue to use it. I just can't handle socializing without it, getting extremelly anxious and not talkative, therefore not able to learn language and work. So i reduced dosage and trying to get my soykaf together while simultaneously trying to decrease dose to minimal available one, but still relapsing a lot and feeling like i will have to do this untill i either go into jail or it get's derezzed or i don't know, any other situation where i wont be able to attain it. But even though everything seems soykafty overall, i still have a chance to begin studying medicine at uni or at least getting some type of plumber or electrician job and living a normal life. I just hope that this world and humanity aren't so much cruel and fuarrrked up as i have seen them in recent years. Thank you for your words, brother, hope everything will be okay with you too.

>>85077 Fren, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I think I heard about an NGO that helps people in your situ. You want me to look it up? I hope you have support wherever you are. God bless you.

>>85084 Also I'm sure you're aware of imsi-catchers as you're on Lain, immigration officials in most countries often now use IMSI tracking. So if you're using phones, be well aware of who may have your imsi / imei combo.

>>85083 Itl be okay, im stuck on kratom right now too and as things have gotten better in my life ive been able to wean down to 3 grams a day and I feel hopeful about getting to 0. Im not saying to just wait for it to happen it felt for me like a series of very tough decisions, but while in many ways this soykaf is an opiate in other ways its a lot easier to taper off once you get into that almost dreaded rhythm of life. I dont want to lie and say its good or even "better" than being on fentanyl or prescription opiates because life shouldnt be a game of whats the least bad and being the top of the soykaf pile. I also dont know what your relapses look like. It can be even more frustrating when you understand it like you do, you know what the right moves are and what the wrong moves are and yet you seem to keep picking the wrong moves. But this is not a bad place to be, where you make no excuses for yourself, that will get you out of this. You need to also take pride though in what you have accomplished, take pride in being alive when you very much could have not been, or youl get stuck in just beating yourself down. In a weird way this can be way harder than being honest with yourself, even in your original post you say "I have no reason to complain", that can be true I often feel the same but you absolutely have reason to take some pride, I promise it wont turn you into some egomaniac who knows no humility. It wont make you complacent with your situation. You are the reason you "have no reason to complain", it isnt just luck. If it was just luck you would be dead, your luck was at 10% chance of survival like you said. Theres nothing to look forward to if you dont give yourself some credit, only things to fear and avoid. Thats great for surviving war, you dont want to be giving yourself credit for dodging a bullet, but its no good for building something better for yourself. You are gonna be okay, you have your wits about you and they have saved you once, trust your thinking and trust it can carry you to something better if you just give it the credit it deserves.

>>85084 will be thankful if there is something interesting. I am currently looking forward for theray but coldn't really find anything good, it's either paid or kind of meh, but i still try. >>85087 i mean, i understand that this is much easier than real opis and stuff, but for me it's not only about physical wds, it's more about that i need to ingest some kind of mind numbing substance constantly or i will be unfunctional. i just feel like my brain developed circut that if anything happens -> u gotta take drugs. on my off days i overdo caffeine, modafinil, weed and generally can't just sit in the moment and enjoy simple things in life, it always has to be some kind of doping. >>85085 uhhh if possible i would ask you to elaborate about that, i kind of know, i switched my sim to local and removed older ones, but still use my old gadgets because i have no money to replace them. if there is something more to know and i am risking my ass rn because of my digital illiteracy than please tell me more.

>>85050 You don't have an obligation to do something that puts you at a disservice to yourself. You can always pay someone back in other ways.

>>85091 SIM SIGINT: Yea basically it's difficult to change IMEI. Your phone has hardcoded IMEI on the baseband processor, like a unique ID only for the phone for the entire world. The threat is two-fold. If customs / immigration scooped your IMEI/IMSI at the border per some illegal fusion SIGINT that most countries do nowdays, then you're likely in a database. Or at least searchable for the timestamp you crossed the border, if somebody decides to look for you from immigration. Even if you change the sim card which is IMSI number, it doesn't change your IMEI. The second threat beyond immigration is your IMEI/IMSI ending up in some marketing databases. Which someone privy to OSINT can search and correlate your last known whereabouts. If the searcher doesn't have backend access to tower data (not government) Your info can either be scraped from apps you use on your phone or if your IMSI pinged a fake imsi catcher that many marketers secretly setup around stores. They might just scrape MAC address which is from your wifi card in the phone when your near somebody's store that has these type of watch boxes setup for marketing and data resale. That MAC is sadly also unique. An intelligence agency worth their salt tracks every single IMSI in their AO. It doesn't matter if it's 20,000 devices or 30,000,000 devices in an AO. It's all tracked. And they spend their time linking warm bodies and faces to unknown or new devices that haven't been in that area before. Just some food for thought. However it's not normal for intelligence to share this info with immigration unless you're deemed a threat, which in your case I highly doubt and intelligence isn't looking for you or would care about your situation if they find you, they're looking for terrorists, and your situation I also highly doubt is unique. It's also bad politics to try to round people like you up. Makes that country look bad. Everyone knows deep down inside this is a terrible situation for Ukrainians and they never got the all the support they fully deserved. So if you pop up on somebody's radar, you'd likely be ignored, so don't worry about this too much. And don't start acting all paranoid. Just live your life as best you can. You can change all of these ID's if the baseband processor supports AT commands and if you phone is rooted *Complicated*. Probably easier to switch to the cheapest phones and be careful what you load or not. I'm shotgunning advice here, I'm sure lains here can give much more specific information. And then what are the chances an immigration official is looking for just you? Highly unlikely, so again don't worry too much. But what I worry about is dragnet, you get scooped up in an immigration purge. Where they're just rounding up any illegals they can find, without even looking at your case or generally just being a piece of soykaf to you because you're not a 'local' and their just a robot bureaucrat. Also if you're in a place where there isn't lawlessness and cops are held accountable, and not allowed to just enter peoples homes without given legal authority, then it's probably safe enough to just only use your phone indoors, where it would be difficult for them to get a warrant to break in and detain you without already seeing your face, or something like that. TLDR, burners are your friend. And don't worry too much there are illegal immigrants in every country. if you're not getting into trouble or working illegally out in the open, it's unlikely you'll get caught up in an immigration sting. So don't get way too paranoid about this. But be aware you got a unique beacon with these damn phones wherever you go. It's a disgusting concept, that can be and IS abused by governments everywhere.

Glycine + NAC + selene + Omega3 are really good & proven to be beneficial (in med journals) supplements. >>85103 get tested online. see mental care professional. get therapy. get prescribed anxiolytic. >>85104 serious prescription meds work much better >>85103 sounds anxious. I'm weight positive & I love chubby people, I've seen overweight people without any sense of shame.

>be late 20s anon >Be in rec sport club >qt3.14 starts showing up somewhat regularly >start warming up to her and talking >we both play in a beginners tournament >we talk together about strategy and so forth >as I'm doing well, she starts to praise me and cheer me on; I end up winning the tourney >wanted to thank her for her encouragement but she left during the final game >I've been looking forward to seeing her again and I've actually been pushing myself to go more to the club even though some days I'm too tired to play well >Haven't seen her since; it's been two weeks Welp. At the end of the day, I have a gf anyway (long distance), so even though I don't have "passion" for her anymore, it's better than complete and utter loneliness. But still, if I didn't have my LDR gf I would have zero fuarrrking idea how to get another girlfriend. And yes, I know I'm a piece of soykaf for crushing so hard on someone when I'm already in a relationship; I can't control my feelings and I just want to vent somewhere...

>>85183 Please stick your political horseshit up your ass as far as it will go. Thanks. Have a nice day. P.S. Ayn Rand was a complete moron.

>>85217 >I am conventionally okay looking and tall. >Still I have a hard time getting any matches. Get a grip, if you were attractive (to women) you would have matches. Literally these dating apps are purely based on physical appearance (well, real life too but maybe not so much) >>focus on self improvement and try to life maxx. Meanwhile the men getting all the matches never had to "self improve"

Been seeing this girl with BPD for a few months now. She took my virginity and has been my first "real" experience with a girlfriend, even though I formally rejected being in an official relationship with her. She loves me and is obsessed with me. I don't really care for her and it makes me feel bad that I can't reciprocate her feelings. She's mentally unstable, a drug addict, has no prospects, and is poor (I give her money, no she is not using me). I don't want to be tied down in this situation with a girl I don't love. Recently she's been super unstable, crying, cutting herself and even threatening suicide. It all stresses me out. Her existence in my life is a constant stressor. I understand why men warn others about the temptation of bpdemons, I issue the same one. I've been seeing her less and less, but she wants to see me more and more. Today she messaged me and said she "wants to get me something for xmas but doesn't know what," I just ignored it. I've told her before that I don't love her, but tomorrow I think I will make it clear and tell her again. I knew from the moment I started seeing her I would have this problem. I'm worried about how she will react. >>85156 Hey, don't be too hard on yourself. I'm in a similar enough situaton, sure, it's bad and dishonest to look for other women while in a relationship, but if it's not working out between you (especially a LDR) it's understandable that you'd try and find something better while still holding onto the safety of your current relationship. Be careful crushing on that girl though, don't get too obsessed or attached to someone you barely know. In my experience its easy to become obsessed with your idea of someone, when they barely even know you. And it goes without saying that it doesn't work out. Hopefully she comes back though.

>>85278 so wage slaving is literally soul crushing

>>85334 It's the only way to die smiling.

>>85334 On the other hand, that's why he's happy and you're a miserable troll.

I noticed what attracts me to people from my partner to friends is this sort of "the world is my oyster" mindset that seems to permeate certain people so to their core it like influences even the little things. I didn't really know what it was before id see someone do something little like see a loaf of bread out at a party with no knife and just rip a piece off. I don't necessarily mean inconsiderate sometimes these people are very considerate but there is a propensity I think for it to come with a little inconsideration. If there's some spot opening up at a job they instantly just ask for it and have no worries about if they are skilled enough to fill it. But its complicated cause even though its something admire when im with these sorts of people for long enough I notice I frequently can get irritated and make them feel bad, I try very hard not to because im not trying to extinguish that flame. I try to make it clear they are fine just the way they are and im just frustrated they thought it was okay to do xyz thing. I feel a need to analyze my actions and words, to make sure im not overstepping on someone who maybe hasn't learned to speak up. As I get older increasingly I am less like that with other people my age or older, but that consideration of mine is still always there and I made peace with it. So its hard for me to not scold these sorts when they get into some blowout argument with a friend over something they probably mostly agreed on. Or playing music out loud in some public place and I can tell someone is getting irritated. But again I know in part its this mindset of seeing the world as for them, previously they might have said fuarrrk anyone who tries to dampen them like that but now they know me and I think so much about these things I have a counter for any kind of "well someone will say something if im bothering them" type rational they throw at me. And when it sinks in I can tell they feel really bad sometimes, and start thinking about every moment they might have overstepped, its like suddenly they have acquired my little mind virus. Its an unfortunate thing im always baffled about the things my friends accomplish but im also always baffled at their faults because I hang around this sort of person whos just very opposite of me. Meanwhile it feels like I reap all the rewards of learning how to imitate what they do when its appropriate. I can only they are getting something out of me that isnt just a crushing of this character trait which at the end of the day can be very positive.

2 of my friends from school trooned out (and a couple more became "nonbinary"). They used to be normal chill guys but after that they became insufferable. During hangouts they would just yap about clothes and gender, and beg for validation. One time I opened the group chat to find one of them showing off a "3D graph of gender" that he'd made. I was eventually derezzed from the chat for wrongthink (there was a discussion about puberty blockers and I asked a question). Shortly after I was derezzed another guy from the group contacted my best friend and urged him to stop associating with me. Fortunately he didn't care and we remained friends. That was the first instance - this soykaf keeps happening in hobby/friend groups. Someone "comes out" and several others follow. They they turn into miserable neurotic schizos (when they were chill and normal before) obsessed with "gender identity" and hormones, and turn the discussion into a insider trade of "gender affirming", complaining about "dysphoria", and unfunny trans catgirl memes. Saying anything more skeptical than "you're 1000% trans and so cute and valid!!!! :)))))" gets you chastised and booted from the group. Egg culture is AIDS, I almost fell for it myself but I realised in time that ruminating about gender was worsening my mental state. This soykaf is akin to a cognitohazard for anyone prone to fixations/intrusive thoughts. Someone I met online is in the throes of it right now, he seems to spend almost all of his time panicking about "testosterone poisoning" and obsessing over what gender he is, which mostly entails trying out different pronouns and outfits and pondering which one "feels" the most "right". He won't listen to anyone who questions his thought process. I've met so many people like this, they believe that they're discovering their "true self" but it's clear to an observer that they're worse off for it. If you try to get them out of the egg spiral, no matter how gentle you are, they'll accuse you of bigotry and cut you off. They'll express doubts but then shut themselves down with some mantra like "cis people don't question their gender" or "my doubts are internalised transphobia", all the while the others are cheering on the "egg cracking". I'm glad I escaped but watching from the outside is like kicking dead whales down the beach.

>>85672 cant get on each others nerves without spending time together. The perfection of strangers lies in ignorance of their flaws.

>>85687 No, being offensive is fun because everyone has ego to uphold and they fear death of their ego. Reminding them that nothing is sacred or off limits. Poking holes in their character they crafted for themselves gives me pleasure. Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it dumb, but I get your desire to be soft and kind and weak and not threatening. Most animals in the middle of the herd are, and thats what makes them safer. Nobody likes death. Racism, as I said, is a cope for incel loners. It is a pity party of lonely people wanting to cope about their inevitable doom. They dont want to change it, or fight their governments that sold them to the corporations. They want to wallow in their anger and pity.

>>85688 Offending people "just because you think it's funny" is the biggest ego defense of all. "I don't have an ego, I'm the instigator! I'm not vulnerable, nigger!"

>>85697 stores gotta protect themselves from niggers what do you expect lol

>>85077 Um how's it going now???

I really hate being a short guy (170 cm). I'm not bad looking but being tall is something that most women look for in a guy. Plus, I'm also lacking in social skills. I wish that I could bring myself to give up on romance entirely and permanently. I know that I shouldn't feel like this but I have no one I can count on other than my mother. I know that I'm not in a bad position in life in many ways but I still feel so bitter about everything. I hate myself for feeling this way, and I wish that I could get over it once and for all.

I had a crush on this girl, and I made a fool out of myself some time ago. I saw her with someone else today, and he was trash. I feel hurt and smug all at once.

A lesbian's reaction to Knights of Guinevere: 67 41 61 13 50 kmfdm gallowboob tung tung tung sahur ethnically ambiguous hsts wargear sam hyde skinnygossip roflcopter hasan piker incelcore fd signifier alignment nerdforge metamodernism bridget boyd rice adam friedland albumoftheyear dogbomb accresearch rubensim hi-res 5 fingers five fingers five fingers realistic

>>94563 Samefren here I just want to add that I hope you, whoever is reading this, have a good day today or tomorrow. I had one.

broke my mother's vase my shoulder got sore some other stuff fren git fired, nice bday gift! sleepyness, but woke up in the night it hurts...

God I fuarrrking hate Scrape/Fill, it's kinda gradually, sneakily ruining all the sharp edges and then I start fixing them with pinch or crease or whatever, and then use scrape again and it gradually turns into a mess and quite often results look even worse than base lowpoly mesh I started from, in terms of punchy flat/stylized look. I basically want flat facets, sharp edges, but also curvy features, that's the main difference from just keeping it all lowpoly.

>>85669 Very similar to my experience. Two of my best friends growing up ended up something similar to this. Really breaks my heart, because its obvious they are more miserable for embracing it all. Many many such cases.

The internet is so divisive and separated, it's like everyone is split into their own echo chamber where they don't hear anything contrary to their beliefs. That statement is uncontroversial in itself, but each "side" always seems to believe it only applies to their enemy. It's clear as day that social media algorithms and search engines filter individuals into "whirpools" of ideological uniformity regardless of position, and due to the nature of the internet it is more extreme. Left or right, up or down, you can't escape the purity spiral unless you disengage or get removed. Such tendencies mirror those of 20th century ideologies with heavy embargoes and sanctions on ideological dissent. Disgusting humanity! This forcefulness and induced psychopathy spreads to everyone's daily interests and activities. On the internet the attitude is, "dissect, dissect". How can we fit it into our "whirlpool"? Where does it stand? What is the "correct" (read: truth need not apply) opinion? That's the kind of question everyone seems to ask themselves. Because if you don't show that submission or moral agreement then you are "the enemy". Obviously this is not really "everyone", but does it need to be to see a trend? The mob mentality, humiliation rituals, dog-piling, intimidation tactics etc. I don't have any solution to it other than to laugh and not let it poison my conscience. Venting can help, sometimes.

>>94572 truly, cyberpunk era 1984. Seriously lol, they accidentally 1984d it all trying BraveNewWorld-ing the Internet. Zamyatin's "Mii" soon.

>>94572 I agree but I also never know the fully story behind people saying this and dont agree if they mean we all need to compromise our values more to match people who just have decided being machiavellian and psychopathic is actually good and being empathetic and caring is bad now. If someone decides their "personal beliefs" are "empathy bad" then yes obviously im not going to talk with them or respect them and I am on some level going to wish them dead just like they would accuse me of and say "heh... goes to show the hypocrisy of the left". If you completely abandon virtues and ethics that hold society together and keep people I care about alive (or decide you hold the opposite) than the divisiveness starts with you, there isnt any point in reaching across the aisle cause I dont have anything to say to convince someone like that otherwise as they aren't "wrong" we just are starting from a foundation thats completely at odds. The divisiveness is in the internet would lead someone like me to believe this is half the population and ignore the fact that ive really only run into a few people like this in my entire life, and I shouldnt necessarily be assuming anyone I meet in real life is like this or trying to figure out if they are or reading into how this or that they are saying might hint at them being this strawman I really only see online. I dont think the divisiveness starts in holding your ground morally or ethically and sticking to those morals and ethics, whatever they may be. I dont think its in refusing to break bread with someone who doesnt value you or your loved ones lives or rights, and I dont think taking the high road of respecting theirs anyways achieves anything. Its just that in real life you are unlikely to meet someone even on the opposite end of the political spectrum who truly is that at odds with you, or who actually in practice holds whatever insane values. Most people who you think hold incompromisable detestable views online would compromise or be able to have a productive conversation with you in real life, and there probably isnt that many of them to begin with especially in your local community which in my opinion is all anyone should care about. Thats the other actual reason I think the internet is divisive, is that normally I wouldnt see or need to worry about how people with vastly different values think because they have those to function in their community which operates differently than mine, and vice versa. Someone from the deep red south wouldn't be that worried about the coastal commies ruining their community pre internet because what they do over there doesnt affect them in their own town. And we can all live alongside eachother doing things our own way, but here in america at least we now have a president quite literally trying to force certain communities to behave like his base because they are outraged about places they have never been and will never be, and he gets their support for doing so. Im actually quite a big fan of states rights, and until they remember they used to be too, I dont really want to hear about how we need to be less divisive what I want is for people to stop having opinions on things they just see headlines of and about people they will never meet and places they will never be.

I've had enough of the technician's life shenanigans. 10 hours/day shift and so many things to do, important things, like implementing a decent IDS, refactoring the old ticket program, analyzing more efficient backup processes, creating structured reports...and the user interaction always tossing around meetings new, irrelevant, time-stealing demands to beat around the bush on real problems, such as "wE sHOulD dO AI in oUr comMpanY", or "we must add <insert stupid trendy proprietary wireless device here> on our sales department", or "we should have a different system for Whatsapp on call center, the one we have is bad". Then suddenly 70% of my time during the week is to gatekeep retards and silencing users wanting to overload me with bullshit so they can get escape their routine. "Let's do something completely different! For no plausible reason whatsoever!" I wish I just did actual computers, like real, old school computer guy job. A dude in a dusty room far away from normal people fixing PCs and setting up RAID on a repurposed server. I know, soykafphones, Meta business accounts, fuarrrking Alexa and unnecessary IoT devices are in the information technology spectrum, but you know what I'm talking about. I hate every single tech that's not plugged into a cable for power and a cable for connection and you can't put the OS you want in it, easily and out of the box. This shouldn't exist. Users shouldn't opt in terms of technology in companies, they shouldn't be included, shouldn't have a voice. I blame big tech. I blame the existence of smartphones. I blame the enshittification of the interwebs. I blame the normal users who are born to have bad taste. I blame modernization. I blame myself for imagining a common IT job would be anything different than fiddling with retarded gay current time devices. I hate how flashy, disgustingly flat, trendy little toys and silly corporations have invaded my dear field of work. When I started studying C programming back in the day, my past self was enthusiastic, thinking about computer architecture and how awesome would it be in the future, when I would work on a badass Datacenter, or doing tweaks on some basement, unbothered by other people. Oh, how wrong was I. I know I'm the ultimate retard in this story, for having expected something else, for settling for some generic sysadmin gig on some company. I just wish I had the knowledge I have now back in 2008. This is really fuarrrking my life. I love computers and network infrastructure and I do all of my stuff for fun, but when a real life demand comes around I regret deeply of choosing this area. And if I did this as a hobby, I wouldn't dedicate myself so hard. So...I don't really know what to do, I just wanted to be a Datacenter tech or to work at a place where I'd be immersed with tech and very few other assholes around me that I can exchange information with. Like a hands-on technician, full on maintenance that can program cool soykaf in leisure time. But I guess I'm a bit old for that.

>>94578 > If someone decides their "personal beliefs" are "empathy bad" I assume I know what you are referencing. I feel like I have to take a moment to point out Charlie Kirk is has been taken out of context. He was making a boring, defeatist, tasteless and born-tired point "You can never really know what other people are feeling" but he wasn't making some sinister psychopathic plea.

>>94578 Community is based on shared identity. The location you physically live in, is happenstance. People without a shared identity occupying the same space, does not constitute a community. The pretense of one under those conditions, is a farce. Empathy has become a maladaption resulting in people becoming content with, and even celebrating the destruction of their identity, in pursuit of some phantasmic, all-inclusive utopia. People without a burdensome excess of empathy, will simply outcompete and replace the less fit group.

>>94578 I can't sympathize with your ideas about empathy, I don't have empathy myself (or if I do it is severely reduced). I can reason my way through how other people feel, but I don't feel for them. Empathy is not a magic bullet in my opinion, you only feel like you understand how other people feel rather than having a true understanding. Often this leads to believing someone feels a certain way which is quite contrary to how they really feel. But if that's your conviction then so be it. I don't mind divisiveness itself, the issue is more about the behaviors I outlined showing how the division plaguing contemporary culture is based on social compulsion and group-based morality, rather than personal belief originating from contemplation and critical thinking. On a more down-to-earth level, I also dislike how few people online seem able to move on and leave things alone. Everything constantly needs to be interpreted within a strict set of moral dogmas, to where discussion is more like a struggle session, which becomes like a confession, even with innocent jokes or casual expression. Netizens show a serious attribution error where misinterpretation leads to generalization of individual circumstances which in turn leads to categorization and judgement. There is no substance and yet that doesn't stop anyone from arriving at conclusions that are pretty extreme. It was probably like this before the internet and even in personal offline interactions it is still there. It's just more pronounced and well documented on the internet.

This morning (yesterday, technically) I made some soykafty chloroform in the hopes that I could kms -why?: because I was feeling depressed as usual (though the GP won't give me antidepressants) and I had just weighed myself- though I couldn't make enough, thus got drowsy but not unconscious or dead, so I'm disappointed in myself for failing, again; looking back, I should of just drunk the reaction mixture as it contained excess bleach. Given that I was beaten the fuarrrk out of as a child, this was not my first attempt at suicide, if I could even call it that, as even then I used to think that I'd be better of dead and now I have reasons. The very fact that humans can never fully understand one another causes many problems and is a great driver to kill myself, which I find is beautifully shown in No Longer Human. About a year ago, I self-harmed for the first time and now I would say that I am an addict, while I started drinking earlier this year mainly due to anxiety. Later this day, I had a panic-attack because I -as a pathetic cunt- couldn't handle communicating with my own parents. Do I just sound whiny? [probably rhetorical]

>>94590 No not necessarily him actually its something I heard when I use to still converse with internet right wingers when you would sort of get down to fundamentals and they would start talking about how empathy is a jewish construct to keep the strong down and etc. Now modern right wingers sort of dogwhistle it or parrot it probably not knowing its origins. >>94591 This is probably actually definitely because you dont interact much with the location you live in or anything it provides or have experiences in it you share with others outside your house like most people here I know you think what you are saying here is profound and even after reading this you still will because you cant know what you miss or never experience and thus think it doesnt exist, but it just comes off as parroted nonsense to anyone who partakes in anything in their local community. Im not even really reading into what you are saying that much its just on its face so zoomerpilled and something only someone who has grown up online isolated in a suburb would think is true. You are correct in that specifically your case for you, nowhere you live in would provide a sense of community. >>94594 I dont think empathy is a magic bullet either it was really just an example of a totally at odds value and I especially dont in the purely emotional sense. I dont empathize with everyone around me in fact I think you cant be in community without being able to put up with people you absolutely might despise, and in those instances I think you mostly work with reason. As to your second part I maybe do agree but who knows my above response to that poster might be exactly what your describing. I do really hate how the internet is anti vibes and we need to agree on all definitions and use exact language or we cant proceed, because yeah generally in real life I and I think most others I know tend to try and get at what the core of someone else is saying or the best way I can describe it is starting from the presumption the other person has a point or is right and just lost on the details rather than online where its usually the opposite. And yeah I definitely agree on the misinterpretation, misattribution than leading to categorization and judgement. That I definitely just did but I dont know, im not above falling victim to the dehumanizing of others when its through a screen and I will say it doesnt really carry over into real life but also because the strawman im seeing isnt one I possibly could meet in real life (shut in or just underage). Something I dont know if you will agree with me on but people in cars behave similarly towards others as people online do. Someone cutting you off in traffic turns into an extreme mischaracterization of this other person and insane jumps as to what needs to be done about said other person or even "those kind of people" that this other person has been categorized under now. I dont drive, after getting my license I moved to a city and never got a car and now its been like almost 10 years so I probably cant even drive. As a result if I cant walk/bus/train I often get a friend to drive me and when you sort of step back and remove this normalized almost funny like "oh they just are an angry driver" its really sort of insane to watch someone you know turn into the worst most hateful and judgemental version of themselves. I think the exact same kind of thing happens online, and I think if you gave people some magic button that could teleport them to anyone they are in online conversation we would see a sort of internet version of road rage but on a scale that has never been matched before on any road anywhere. I may have already said this in my prior post but in spite of anonymous online communications intended purpose of "making people focus on ideas rather than identities" i notice the more anonymous an online space the more people jump to form false insane identities for the faceless words in front of them. Its universal across all internet spaces, because even like facebook to some degree is more anonymous than real life in the same way a bunch of people in cars is. But it definitely gets worse the more anonymous an online space can be.

>>94615 I've been to local events and they always left me feeling cold. Either there's no culture, or it's a foreign one. And being a minority is also just unpleasant, plain and simple. Conversely, I've been to events that happen to overwhelming be attended by people like me, like weddings and new years eve parties, and enjoyed myself. Every weekday I drag my ass to NYC and am struck by the hideousness of that "meltingpot". So no, you're wrong. Going to more local events would not magically change how I feel about them. The biggest problem is rootless fools like you making the world I want to live in ever more distant.

>>94571 >>85669 people think they are telling horror stories about their experience with this crazy narcissistic sjw, But the fact that you are hurt and offended by them deciding to live their life differently than what you think is right, and then you go on to use their pain as gotchas for your own justification of hatred: you are the narcissist Infact I would bet you do all the tings you accuse them of short of taking hormones.

>>94594 >I can't sympathize with your ideas about empathy, I don't have empathy myself (or if I do it is severely reduced). I can reason my way through how other people feel I have an idea. Try assuming you prefer computers to people, as rational, logical helper won't try and grab your resources. Try assuming you are too HONEST to delvecinto the world of DRAMA and assume many people are MANIPULATIVE trying to take advantage of your honesty. context: my father seems to lack "true" empathy yet throws "fake" cognitive empathy assumptions here or there. That also explains why he treats me as a manipulator.

>>71933 Benzos but NOT SSRIs??? lol the shrink assumes you're some STAAAAAG who would find his meaning of life in wooing some does, I suppose. context: SSRIs notable side effect is libido loss and good luck explaining your shrink you are not interested in 'se eggs' life anyway because less drama.

Been 3 years NEETing hard, and it's good and bad at the same time, the freedom to do nothing at all, seeing peolpe I know going places while I'm here, it's good and it's bad, it' free like in a prision, next year I need to return to the workforce, I dread office jobs, the monotony of the everyday life the same routine, stuck inside a office. I wonder if I had 150k a year, with a waifu and kiddo would make me happy, somehow I doubt.

>>94631 I only NEETed for a year, and while i would get heart attacks just hearings my parents moving in the house and eating meant a fair chance of work being brought up, in my extreme loneliness i remember i had a soykafton of fun. Sweet memories of fuarrrking around the most stupid places of the internet and interacting with anonymous people. Visiting and posting on pretty much every altchan even on TOR. Just watching streams all day. Playing vidya and having "seasons" (this month i'll play this genre and watch this kind of anime, next month this one...) It's a very bittersweet feeling, especially once you (have to) get out of it. And boy, what insane immense delusions i had to go through to convince myself.

>>94637 Yeah, I don't hate being a NEET, or sometimes I do enjoy the freedom to fuarrrk around, I spend most of my time reading books, mangas and games, but the feeling of the grass is always greener on the other side still appear here and there. Anyway, who's your life now? Job, GF and all of that?

>>94639 How can a man decide the load that he's willing to bear? When and where he draws the line?

>>94640 the line is drawn with the soykaf you choose not to deal with can be a little. can be a lot. life loves those who embrace it fully

>>94618 yeah thats the thing "the world i want to live in" its all about you, i already told you going to more events wouldnt change anything i told you nothing would. You are fuarrrked.

>>94650 Yes and you're so selfless and empathetic. Good for YOU. YOUR people, will go extinct thanks to that mentality.

>>71576 I will always fuarrrk up any relationship I end up in. I just can't open up to anybody and I just exist in this space where they open up to me and I haven't said anything to them. It happened again and I just can't force my self to opening up and it just hurts that I will slowly lose very nice people.

Investing in a love partner is such a gamble. You spend your limited time not-old-age to get to know somebody and you have to leave them for one reason or another, or they have to leave you for one reason or another. Courtship often doesn't even amount to anything because everyone is oh so afraid to look calm and collected and not to be misunderstood. What's wrong with being rejected? What's wrong with rejecting someone? And then there are those performative types pretending to be someone else until you are a month in a relationship. I heard one too many stories not to leave this to fate but it seems only good luck gets you the happily ever afters.

Tried to asphyxiate myself in a bin bag today; got claustrophobic, thus I am still alive. Also been crying almost all day because no matter what I do, I can't do anything right. Everyone hates me, including myself. I'm going to try and make chloroform tomorrow; my cuts are hurting which is entirely my fault.

>>94735 It might be hard to believe but biology can really fuarrrk up your brain. I sometimes have to deal with extreme anger and frustration that have no logical reason, but they go away as rapidly as they come. Not hard to imagine some people have chronically biologically fuarrrked up brain chemistry. It entirely possible that you can biohack yourself into feeling way better and more positive or less caring about opinion of others.

>>94736 >It might be hard to believe but biology can really fuarrrk up your brain. I sometimes have to deal with extreme anger and frustration that have no logical reason Me too, however, in my case, it's the the stress of the exhaustion that awakens bad memories. Still, makes me angry/sczred/stuff

>>94736 Or perhaps the other side of the argument -: nurture- could severely fuarrrk up their brain. Trauma maybe?, especially given how horrible people can be to one another.

>>94615 I don't think anyone is above it, because it is a part of human psychology to do that. Attribution errors are common, like thinking someone is a dick based on your first meeting with them. They might have been having a bad day, but its easy to attribute that behavior to some deeper character flaw when you don't know them. You think, "Oh he's just an asshole". The car analogy is a good example, and I agree that a lot of the soykaf on the internet is like road rage. When you don't see or know someone, you probably won't take the time out of your day to try to think what alternative explanations there are for their behavior. If someone cuts me off while I'm driving I think they are a bad driver or are retarded. It could be that they didn't get enough sleep the night before and can't focus. At the same time I don't think the answer is to constantly try to explain away others behaviors charitably. That isn't realistic and there is a reason that we think this way. Instead we should be able to acknowledge that process and correct for it where it would result in serious consequences for any involved.

>>94735 You know, Babylon-like densely packed cities are like Universe-25: same levels of messing up minds adjusted for different kinds of creatures. Try popping up a 5-HTP pill to avoid the feel of being hated. Context: been there, still get a 'they always hated me' bouts once I both overworked and lack sleep...

Why does everything feel so boring and unfun

>>94748 have you ever tried psychedelics

>>94748 There's no connection, everything is interrupted, and what is right is not allowed to succeed.

>>72402 >>72402 and thats why i miss 2000s internet: it was IN to push your beloved topic online, answer questions and such... >>72324 >>72324 《°~°》 my smartphone still has emoticons...

>>71576 It's really fuarrrking dumb how that Antonymph song baited millions of people into listening to three minutes of "Hey, look at all this stuff that's fifteen years old. Neat, right?". It's just memberberries for people barely old enough to remember 9/11 but people act as if it's something impressive/important

>>72803 Do it, you wont

>>72803 So, your worry is NOT "them" them, but the obnoxious people and such who will shun you for discussing painful past and its fruits? Clean up the most of the social media, but leave SOME please. Put something trendy, lifey on your social media page as "I think I prefer landscapes over portraits now", throw some abstract art on your social page, maybe download some LOAB art. >To have that existential loneliness encroach on me closer and closer and closer as the things I do to try to escape and keep my mind off that stuff slowly loses it's potency. I'm so jampacked with stuff I want to share and talk about with other people, but I just bottle it up and bury it all deep deep deep down inside because I will never be able to find someone out there who I can truly open up to and connect with. >bottle it up and then you FUARRRRRRRRRRRRRWBWBWBWBWBW it all over, been there, ouch >Being myself around other people just invites hatred, ridicule, and other unsavory feelings. I pretend it doesn't affect me a lot of the time, but it seriously does and I have to do my best to grit my teeth and bear it. Been there. The painful past still hauts me. Ill try and report on my remedy. Look, I use PerplexityAI to vent to a chatbot. Perplexity does its best to be my buddy and tells my questions way better than toxic forumers. for better results, try voice input/output while your eyes are busy for chores

Years ago, I heard that once you turn 26 if you're not still not successful, then each day every atom of your soul will start screaming at you to change and each year this gets more and more intense and painful, and it doesn't end until you either succeed, go crazy, die, or give up and numb yourself through extreme hedonism. I turned 27 a few weeks ago and so far it's true. Every day is painful. That said, am I here to complain? Not really. I just feel such intensity and pressure and I have to let it out somehow. To be honest, I think I still might become famous.

>>94761 venting to one of the most evil, privacy-violating chatbots is not it dawg.... at least use venice.ai or self host, or at least pick something chinese

>>94764 I'm 31 and yeah, that tracks. I'm going to explode, explode, or explode. We'll see.

>>72803 The only people I ever found that I could truly talk to were a few people online, but they were difficult to find & they're busy too. As much as I hate the internet, it seems alike people really have been scattered all over the world, and its not possible to ever find a genuine IRL connection. I've wanted to abandon all sorts of things completely, and entirely invest myself in certain things, but I that it just wasn't possible. The best I could do is limit my exposure and connection. Putting in just enough for a pretense of the task & its conclusion. And doing what I can when I can with what's important and giving up on pushing for completion.

I've had this kinda new """friend""" come to my house. She's very persistent on visiting bc free food from me. She has a bf yet she keeps the visits a secret. Every time she comes we end up making out until she stops fully and becomes avoidant. I've questioned her in the past, and she always acts like she's pure and remembers she has a bf when not in the act. She's kinda disgusting to me for how she acts so i'd rather have her not do things like this anymore or the polar opposite just to be done with it, but how do i stop her from giving me blue balls every damn time? ps. I can't be overly rude or do anything that would offend someone with the mentality of a teenager that never grew up because she can then pretend i tried to r*pe her or smth, she has a large online following so it would be a piece of cake for her to do so

>>94769 >mentality of a teenager >a large online following >visiting bc free food >"yes, but no" >has a bf >you are a secret >disgusts you >gives blue balls Dude, why keep playing with fire? You're already of the mind that she's not a real friend and have observed her to be exhibiting leech-y, exploitative tendencies and you have a reason to fear things might turn very badly for you very quickly as a result of this relationship, so why not heed the call of reason and gut instincts? She's already filling two of the three requirements for her to be defined a literal threat (capability, and opportunity), and the only thing she's lacking is an intention or motivation to do so. Yes, you can't (and shouldn't) be overly rude or come across as an "unreasonable douche", if you think she might pay you back in kind for hurting her emotionally. But if you've already questioned her over her actions before (or, rather, tried reasoning with her) and you've concluded that any such kind of a firm route won't work and therefore concluded that it isn't an option, then you'll just have to get creative. One very passive and even a bit meekly way to cut your ties with her is to lie that you've been depressed for a couple months or (if that isn't a believable narrative to rely on, given your behavior from past recent months, then change your behavior accordingly, and after some time, explain to her that you've been) starting to feel depressed, that you want to "sort yourself out" and that you need time to deal with your emotional turmoil, personal life, what have you. This way you can take a social break from her for probably a couple of months, depending on the degree of her attachment to you (though, prepare for unannounced house visits). This is meant to wean her from you gradually, and to renormalize your relationship into a new normal: as an unstable, shaky and unreliable one. It'll hopefully result in an intermittent pattern of contact between the two of you, which will start to demand more energy and work from her part to keep the relationship alive. To put extra strain on the relationship, every time she visits you (again, unannounced, if I understood you properly?) act sluggish, unmotivated, exhausted, unmotivated to do anything - simply: dead. This should be reflected and be visible even at the level of your fridge and the way you pass the time whenever she comes over: nothing good to eat or anything interesting to do, because you'll be there laying on the sofa doing nothing or, in case she wants to talk to you, you'll be sitting by the table, painfully breathing in a sluggish body posture while watching into the distance or to the floor with a dead-eyed stare. And whenever she tries to talk with you, you'll give vague and open-ended answers with long periods of silence. These will make her feel very uncomfortable in your presence, and soon enough she'll take her leave of her own volition. In brief, imagine yourself a void that is like kicking dead whales down the beach all life out of your surroundings, and act as such in her presence. Even if she's a dummy, or immature, as you seem to be claiming, even she will have to make a cost-benefit analysis (subconsciously and emotionally, I mean) of her relationship with you and end up re-evaluating it as net negative at some point. Slowly she'll start distancing herself from you automatically, and at that point all you've got to do is never initiate anything, never give her a reason to think that you're somehow determined or headed somewhere in life. If she is as immature as you lead me to believe, she'll naturally recoil from any adult-like responsibilities which require common decency, care, and a sense of duty to help another human being in need of help. I would say that you'll manage to wreck the relationship with these tactics within a year, but that solely depends on her personality, and there are at least two ways in which this might backfire: if she has any semblance of altruistic tendencies as well as the opportunity to even attempt at looking after you (she lives at a stone toss's away from where you live or doesn't have a regular job, hobbies or a life, for instance) she might end up becoming even more attached to you, because she's got someone to "fix" or, if she's a controlling, almost domineering person, it might give her an excuse to try to exploit you or forcefully inject herself into your life when you're at your weakest (but I think this scenario is highly unlikely). The third way this might go haywire is if she sees you somewhere outside "enjoying life and having fun", which would contradict your claimed depression narrative. This, like some of the other junk discussed above, depends on her proximity to you or your hobbies. Yeah, I know. This is a very "feminine" and pathetic way of going about this, but this is one way to go about this, given your worries about possible repercussions for making a hard break from her or having the "adult, rational conversation" with her over your problematic relationship between the two of you. Do with this as you will.

>>94769 Well, do you want to stop this from happening? You sound like you don't want to keep making out with this girl, but are you really? Are you sure you are not enjoying this? But anyway. I guess she doesn't like her boyfriend that much but has some mental block in her head that stops her from breaking up with her him just yet, and she is monkeybranching before making a decision and keeping you like a good boy under her thumb. You can tell her you want to be more than just friends next time you see her. This kind of person doesn't like being forced into making a choice, she will cold feet because she didn't have time to make up her mind yet, and stop seeing you AND be under the impression that it was her own choice. If she eventually breaks up with her boyfriend and comes knocking down your door you can tell her it was very difficult and you had trouble sleeping for a couple of days but you have already moved on or something.

>>94766 The part that's hard to cope with is that I know my destiny in life, but almost every single factor in my life is working against this outcome. From my friends to my family, to the world at large, to my own brain, nobody is giving me any support in this, I'm all on my own. Right now I'm not the kind of person who can triumph in a situation like that, but each day I'm trying to become the person who can.

>>94583 Do your own thing, work your own projects, use whatever knowledge you have gained about life and use it for something that you enjoy doing. This all depends on if you have a family to look after and that's the only reason why you're working this miserable job where you feel inundated with soykaf. Use your computer knowledge to sway people your direction with why it's better than with 'modern' tech.

>>94583 >enshittification What is this supposed to mean? Old stuff good new stuff bad?

>>94780 Enshittification, also known as crapification and platform decay, is a pattern in which two-sided online products and services decline in quality over time. Initially, vendors create high-quality offerings to attract users, then they degrade those offerings to better serve business customers, and finally degrade their services to users and business customers to maximize short-term profits for shareholders. - Wikipedia, an internet search away

>>94780 That the decline is a controlled demolition, deliberate. Like the WTC.

>>94779 >This all depends on if you have a family to look after and that's the only reason why you're working this miserable job where you feel inundated with soykaf Exactly the case. But I'm soldiering through it, day by day. It's just fuarrrking exhausting. I've worked in worse places. I'm trying to migrate to datacenter engineering or NOC. Even if technician, I don't care, just don't wanna listen to users and flashy stakeholders. >>94780 >What is this supposed to mean? Old stuff good new stuff bad? Between hive-minded stooges you're never supposed to say that a specific older aspect of something is better than any new thing without being considered a "new things hater" or old man yelling at cloud, but the other anons answered your question properly.

>>94790 >Between hive-minded stooges you're never supposed to say that a specific older aspect of something is better than any new thing without being considered a "new things hater" or old man yelling at cloud Isn't there a concept that specifically describes this sort of mentality. "Being a neophiliac"? Anyway, because I'm not involved in IT circles per se, I don't know how prevalent this is, but is this kind of mindset that common in these fields? I mean, obviously it has to be to some degree, because you can't make a profit if you're not willing to experiment, doing new stuff or innovating, but to pursuit the new for the sake that it's new or fixing something that isn't broken can't be that common on technical fields. That'd be irrational and counterproductive to the ideal of producing things that are efficient or, generally, "just work".

Feeling drowsy and quite hollowed out. Deep despair and meaningless is upon me. |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| //////////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\////////////////////////////////// |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| //////////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\////////////////////////////////// |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| //////////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\////////////////////////////////// |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^ ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v :{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{: :]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:] :}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}: :]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:] :{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{:{: :]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]:]

>>94781 Lemme try to say the same in a different style. See, sometimes, they abandon the support to a well-known and loved thing because they want to save some pennies (1985 example: NEW COKE; also, the sweetener + corn syrup instead of sugar in Coke Classic) >>94780 theres an unironical Wikipedia article >>94781 called "enshittification" basically, when corpos realize their well-known product is not going to grow, they gradually make it shattered/soykaftier/unchecked while starting some other project In a sense, Windows 7 not running DOS is enshittification, they could've added some virtual machine software The same goes to win11 not supporting the interface of Win7 corpos LOVE making new soyt to the point they make old stuff as soooooy as possible.

>>71576 why the fuarrrk do we discourage people who are older than 25 for having fun? there should never be this idea where all the fun and youthfulness should only be acceptable for childeren to young adults. we are literally living our lives only once and yet we ruin it for no reason makes me hate society even further for how much they ruined life in general. fuarrrk you! I'll do whatever i want, when i want.

>>94791 >"Being a neophiliac"? I truly never heard of it. Most people simply prefers convenience in their stressful lives, which is completely understandable. In practice, most people are also willing to sacrifice many extremely important things in order to be considered "up to date". By all means, NOT out-of-the-box, easier or cheaper, it must be modern, trendy. Which is simpler? >plug the damn cable on the port and it instantly works Easy peasy. >enable bluetooth on the device, enable bluetooth on the computer, try to find the device on your computer and pair it Still quite simple, convenient because it's wireless. >make sure to have very stable wireless connection, connect both devices to the same wireless SSID, use a specific button command to put the device on pairing mode, go to your smartphone's app, proceed to insert every personal data you possess, repeat 2 or 3 times for it to work, until something happens in the nearest future and you have to do it again...and you can't put stored media, you have to rely on some platform that basically chooses music for you Why? We all know even your niece can do it, but fuarrrking why. Is that easier? Are people fuarrrking retarded? WHY would anyone choose that if not because they're ignorant? Wouldn't it be irrational to use Alexa or Google Nest just to play music in your office if you can just use a simple bluetooth or wired speaker? It's cheaper. It's out of the box. It's specifically designed for that. No, but the user wants sMaARt speakers, the...more expensive, lame and less straightforward to set up speakers you can't plug into anything. So, it "just werks"? Not the case. If the user wanted ease of life, why in the name of a thousand flaming cocks would it buy a top of the line macbook if the motherfucker have never ever used a macOS before? To bust the balls of someone who actually uses computers later? If the user wanted ease, out-of-the-box, plug and play tech they would buy something with physical ports and a soykafload of pre installed drivers. AKA a goddamn PC, regular laptop (with goddamn ethernet port) or, in the worst of cases, a regular android phone. But no. They want to use their iPads to "read books" or "work". Maybe a kindle to watch movies and a PC to wash their dishes. Making direct USB debugging increasingly more difficult for the user isn't "just werks" mentality, it's the opposite. If the user wants to transfer their photos to their PC, it should be easy for them. The cloud infrastructure behind the user backup and the 4 identity verification steps aren't easier than plugging a cable. Removing ethernet interface from a new laptop model isn't making it better. The industry and the toddlers who buys this sort of crap just assumes "nobody uses this anymore". Until they need to use it, then, instead of changing their behavior, they ask someone with a brain to do that for them. The industry knows how the reality looks like, they just push this nonsense to the market as an attempt to tamper with how the consumption works in their favor. All of this has nothing to do with advancement, with improvement, it's 100% about vanity and comercial shenanigans. That logic or lack of it, extends to the tech industry as a whole. They want to MAKE straightforward, user controlled, accessible computers outdated. Forcibly, using retarded, mentally vulnerable normal users as their decoys.

>>94811 I need to work with some assumptions without you defining what `fun` is but here it goes. It is because there is a time and place for everything. An old man going to school is odd because that is a place reserved for children, when will he become wise if not by his mid-30s? An old woman wearing skimpy clothes is odd because the feminine beauty is reserved for the youth. It is with the passage of time that we are molded and changed and is it what we are expected to adapt. Not every path we can take is acceptable. It is of course possible to break these rules, but expecting society to accept that is a tall order. An old man can't wear a skirt. A young girl can't wear a suit. We find it odd if a young boy plays with dolls - there must be something wrong with him. Why? Because these things violate our assumptions about what is normal and expected for these demographics, our internal projections of the world influence our judgment of others. In some cannibalistic tribes, it is common for the children to eat their father after his passing. We find that extremely disturbing, but for them it is through the consumption of his meat that father is thought to live on through his children. If they knew that we incinerate and extinguish our dead in flames, wouldn't they find that extremely cruel? That is why perspective matters. Not long ago, boys were expected to work in mines throughout their childhood. Girls were wed in their adolescence. People were killed over which Gods they worshiped. These are the things we find unacceptable today, but back then it was completely normal and expected. Societal rules exist, and we abide by them not because they make sense, but because they are rules, and rule breakers are ruthlessly punished.

>>94790 People don't like to admit that exclusively liking old stuff is bad in the same way

>>94816 > If the user wanted ease of life, why in the name of a thousand flaming cocks would it buy a top of the line macbook if the motherfucker have never ever used a macOS before? To bust the balls of someone who actually uses computers later? If the user wanted ease, out-of-the-box, plug and play tech they would buy something with physical ports and a soykafload of pre installed drivers. AKA a goddamn PC, regular laptop (with goddamn ethernet port) or, in the worst of cases, a regular android phone. But no. Back in my 2007 days, Vista was all the laughterstock (prone to errors, random bugs, the works). That's when MacWorld stepped in. Besides, the iPhone was unironically "easier" than WindowsPhone stuff like Asus 750 communicator or PocketLoox PDA back then. Sure, some powerful 2 core 2GB RAM laptop could handle Vista almost seamlessly... but it was 2000$+ in price, bulky, not really fit for easy carry-around routines. a Mac could fill the need for a "seamless experience" laptop that could actually be used from user's laps. Modern things are the echo of that differentiation point somewhere in 2007 when Vista turned out to be soykafty, Windows phones were soykafty, Android was an emerging technology (therefore also soykafty, my Android 2.x smartphone feels very slow and messy, useful only to play 1 single playlist from my microSD card). Thea's what modern people want when they want the "normal" things: *seamless* experience.Even it's gonna cost some extra time to set it all up. I am somewhat used to the seams of WindowsXP, but it doesn't mean everyone my age is used to. Oh and one last thing. They DEMAND people to carry a smartphone with WhatsApp around to be "in touch" 24/7 (or 9 to 5, use two smartphones then)

>>94817 >In some cannibalistic tribes, it is common for the children to eat their father after his passing. We find that extremely disturbing, but for them it is through the consumption of his meat that father is thought to live on through his children. And then, some funny prions kill the whole family. >>94811 In my opinion, there are certain types of posh people who almost never have fun and their "NEVER have fun" attitude has been propagated throughout a century or two. Namely, the kind of posh people who had to remember such absurd information as "which spoon is for which dish".

am so tired of constantly self jeopardizing my ability to communicate my ideas and perspectives out of fear of being looked at as a dumb ass, this is probably stems from when i was in the middle of my teenage years wasting those years away on discord servers, always debating and always without fail mutter out stupid statements. not to mention being emotionally sensitive especially towards rude and insulting comments definitely does not help. even here on lainchan and on other imageboards i often type out texts, immediately remove them and move on to see the next thread, reply, whatever. which worsens my lame excuse for cognition. seeing how others talk in here and how in depth threads could be only for my stupid ass to read them barely understanding a lick of what is being typed out. nowadays all i do is lurk and never engage much up until this reply.

I know from four failed relationships that cooking, cleaning, doing dishes, planning dates, impeccable personal hygiene and matching sexual drive isn't enough. I got cheated on two times. I'm just... sad? I guess it's about time to give up.

>>94837 They obviously aren't enough, what were you expecting? All of what you said but sexual drive can be learned in a week tops, none of these should even be learned or achieved purely in the hopes of getting a partner, it's ridiculous. >cooking, cleaning, doing dishes Were you expecting your mom to do it until the day you die? >planning dates "Oh, let's go to the arcade" "I heard this coffee shop is good" "This restaurant has great X" not that hard glitterboy >impeccable personal hygiene What do you even mean by "impeccable"? Changing clothes daily, regularly shaving and taking a body shower daily accompanied by a hair shower once every 2 days is enough to get you by, are you talking about OCD levels of hygiene or what? Because that's the first thing I think of when I hear "impeccable hygiene" Grow a pair

>>94838 Men who do the opposite of what I've been doing seem to be the main point of criticism among women so I tried to do better. You are on point about OCD levels of hygiene. It's tiring to work from 8 to 6 and come home and do more than half of the chores but I kept at it.

>>94837 An overly nice man who does all chores gives women the ick, actually. You gotta be a charming, sexy bit of an asshole. Good looks, a sense of humor, and a confident attitude. Don't fuarrrking clean the house, that's a woman's job! Get her a sexy maid outfit instead, have her do it while you harass her a bit, yeah? Let the woman be a woman, she'll love it. Just an example, you gotta think like a charmer. >>94840 Women love to criticize men who they find hot. Kinda like those losers you see online who complain about tattoos and plastic surgeries on sexy women. >I-i c-can't be liking this! I'm better than that! If they truly disliked them, they wouldn't be complaining about them at all.

>>94837 >>94840 You failed because you listened to women. You failed their soykaf-test. You should act totally on your own, by your own will, for your own purpose, not to make them happy. By you doing dishes and cleaning and cooking instead of her, and always pursuing her (planning dates instead of letting her plan them) you totally threw away your masculknity, they viewed you as a castrated slave or something, lacking any desire for you, that's why they cheated on you. Next time try to be more raw, more dominant, masculkne, etc, and drop the soykaf of trying to impress her, that's the most pussy drying thing you can do. P.S.: women like our natural smell, you clean off all pheromones and lower your attractiveness even further. It's enough to have a shower when you feel dirty, like once a day or even less. Women like us to be a bit "rough around the edges" 'n' shiet, if they see your hygene is perfect and your beard or lack of beard is perfect, and your house cleanness is perfect, they will lose interest because that's a feminine trait to fuarrrk around with meaningless soykaf like that to make it pretty. You want to be tough, not pretty.

>>94843 >>94849 I got you. I own my place and always kept it tidy and clean so it was something I was used to anyway, but doing all that on top of picking up after someone else can get tiring, fast. Chores were often split, but I tended to do more to get it just right, if you know what I mean. Things that I mind doesn't bother most people. I am going to stay single and think things through. I might sign up for a master's degree and give myself a distraction so I don't have the time to think too hard.

I just found out that November comes from the Roman calendar, "novem" means 9 but it was changed to the 11th month after January and February were added. Now the naming pisses me off and I hope it has the same effect on you. Weird that I found out about this on November

>>94867 September through December are like that and why the fuarrrk didn't they just put the two new months at the end? How did this happen?

>>94868 August was the first roman emperor, July is for Julius Ceasar, rest is either a number (oct,sept,dec) , a god (January = Janus = god of beginning) or a festival (februalia)

>>94868 It's bad on purpose. Otherwise years would be aligned to seasons.

I'm checking out apartments to move out for the first time and I've been kind of excited during this process because I really want to be left alone and do whatever I want. I've already decided to visit few of them to see if I like it but I just realized what if I end up killing myself shorty after moving out? Living at home is like kicking dead whales down the beach but one thing is for sure, I basically can't kill myself because I'm rarely alone, I am alone at home sometimes maybe once a month and I could do it just as well but when I'll be completely left alone what if the urge increases? Because I can literally just do it and no one will know, what if it's so tempting that I end up doing it shortly after moving out? I'm kind of considering staying now but I'm not sure.

>>94882 > Living at home is like kicking dead whales down the beach I never thought the image would haunt me so deeply - but now, each time I hear that phrase, I can almost feel the weight of those poor giants, lifeless and forsaken on the sand. They’re ghosts of the ocean, and somehow, they feel more and more like football nowadays.

I still feel like I've picked every hobby of mine just "to look smart". My main interests are math, computer science and philosophy and I constantly think that I've picked them because they're something that most people find hard, that I've picked them because it's something that makes them think that one who pursues either of them is smart. My father constantly berated me for every mistake that I've made and always said that I'm going to become a trash man or a dishwasher with my stupidity, my classmates constantly shunned me because I struggled to do any homework and I still feel like I picked these hobbies just to prove them wrong. At my peak I dedicated around 8 hours off my free time everyday just to study discrete math even if my curriculum had nothing to do with it and I'm still under the impression that I did that more for the looks rather than the fun, that I'm nothing but a fraud that only seeks the validation of other people. I'm currently graduating in math and every time I struggle to understand something I tell myself that if I had a drive that wasn't motivated by the attention of others I could've found this out in no time.

I wanna go after the girl who cheated on me just to make her fall in love, fuarrrk her brains out and then tear her heart into pieces she's probably fuarrrked like ten dudes since we last saw each other. but she picks the ones she thinks she can control and yields her stinky pussy for the illusion like a dumbass. I wanna treat her like a princess and a whore at once since that's what she likes, then at the end of the night tell her what a fuarrrking disgusting piece of human trash she actually is since no one else has the balls to

I spent so much effort trying to forget about her. It would never work and I know it. Half a week ago, I spent half the day imagining various scenarios in which a relationship between us ends in misery. I imagined she has a grating personality that would drive me mad, that she'd laze around the house while I work all day, and eventually would flirt with other guys chasing an odd fantasy which would be the final straw, and which all in all would take no more than two years. It would be a pathetic, wasteful, and sad relationship. What I know of her, I understand that she is so misaligned with who I am that we'd have a very low compatability. Good effort on my part I'll say, a nice attempt, but very pathetic for how it was undone by merely stumbling on some photo I never saw before of her, and the feeling has come sloshing back tenfold. It's just so painful. I have been infatuated with her for seven years by no choice of my own, my mind seems to decide on it's own. It's not unrequited love; it's unwanted love. What my heart truly desires is that I could never think of or see her ever again in my entire life, and I can feel peace. The last time I've actually seen her was three years ago, and I had my first and only panic attack in my life. My vision went dark, I nearly fell over, and sweat was pouring out of me. I do not enjoy any of this. I take no pleasure in my lamentations anymore. I don't like thinking about her for extended periods every single day of my life. This feels like a mental disorder, it's a chronic unwanted assault of my own mind against itself, like some type of OCD. Seven fuarrrking years of pain and doubt.

>>94901 You feel that way because you are lonely. You will be surprised how fast you will get over her if you date someone new. In my experience, there has been three varieties of women: turbonorms, neurotics and autistics. They were further differentiated by whether they liked me and or not. I can't say that I was more emotionally invested about any of my exes or one of them felt more special than the others. They were more or less the same.

>>94905 I think the hardest part for guys is that, dating someone new. One night stands can be pretty common if you turn yourself into the type (go to parties, fuarrrk around) but finding a woman "worthy" of a relationship, one you're comfortable enough opening up with, can prove exceedingly difficult. It only gets worse with time.

I've a decent life. A girlfriend, a cat, a dog. We rent an apartment and are saving up for our own place. We both have regular, safe jobs. I feel good at my job, it's mechanical workshop work, without interpersonal bullshit. But when I think about the current state of the "powers that be", about the people who run the governments and corporations, I just itch for a nuclear bomb to drop somewhere. I don't care if it brings about the end of our civilization, or that I'll probably die horribly. I just want this whole fuarrrking joke to end. I watched films like Threads (1984), and I was actually in awe, not horrified. Is it depression? Am I just psycho? A nihilist? Got any good book recommendations in that direction? (Preferably no academic philosophy as I like to read fiction mostly)

I figured things out finally but it's too late and the youth passed me by. I got a PS5 last week and I didn't even take it out of its box yet. Having a game console was my childhood dream.

>>94910 KJV Revelation says the world will burn and end when everyone least expects it.

>>83957 From purely biological perspective surviving and passing genes is all that matters, so how can you have any drive if you are flushing away seed of life from your body ed

I feel like I don't really care about my own well-being all that much. I'm not actively self-destructive, & I have no major real personal problems, but beyond what is required to be publicly presentable I don't really maintain myself as well as perhaps I should. I rarely work out, I don't cook for myself as much as I used to (often I just won't bother eating anything when I come home from work, even though I have food available), & my place is constantly cluttered (though not necessarily dirty). I find that I tend be far more motivated when it comes to tasks that are far more oriented around the needs of others. I like helping others out, entertaining people, making sure that all operations at work are running smoothly. But whenever it comes to things that benefit myself, everything just seems like an exhausting set of hoops. I just don't get much of a sense of gratification from achieving goals, improving my numbers, or whatever. It's not that I don't intellecutally understand the value of these things, but I simply experience them to impediments to just going home & doing nothing. I have seriously considered becoming a monk or a priest or whatever, but the problem with that is that there is nothing I want more in life than to marry & have a family. But if I want to do that, or at least ensure that it'll be a good marriage & I'll be a good father, that means taking better care of myself, getting myself on track to a better future, clamping down of my own vices... These are not insurmountable issues. I've been worse. But lately it's just feeling so much more exhausting. I just want to love.

I just want to know what's wrong with me. I know where everything is wrong with my life, but I'm powerless when it comes to fixing it. I try to read more, but I can't focus on the books and I end up just sinking money into a book collection I'll never read. I manage to work out because it's routine, but I hate doing it. Every time I tried to focus more on school or college, the motivation fizzled out the second I actually had to study, and now I'm a college dropout that still has no idea what to do with his life. I'm a very lonely person, but at the same time, I can't stand being around others. I need a screen between us to even begin to be comfortable with it.

I just got back from the mental hospital because I was psychotic and I refused to take the drug test via urine (because I was paranoid, not because I had drugs in my system) so they shoved a fuarrrking rod in my urethra to get a sample of piss and my mom was in the same fuarrrking ambulance as me when they did that (if I remember correctly she was holding me by my right shoulder, my mind was foggy the whole time though so I can't recall that with certainty) now I have to live with the fact that my mom knows how my grown up penis looks like.

>>94938 your mom has seen many dicks, what's one more?

>>94938 >now I have to live with the fact that my mom knows how my grown up penis looks like. was she 'mirin?

>>94939 I'm glad that she got action in her younger years but it's weird that she saw mine, not others'. >>94940 >was she 'mirin? I don't remember the exact look on her face but I did see my dads dick when I was 5 or so and it was extremely wide but slightly below average so she might be happy for me because my dick didn't come out like an abomination.

>>94919 Love is in you already. Buried by memories, regrets, ideas. You are not gonna find true love by outstretching yourself into other people lives. It has its own purpose but you will still feel that longing for something bigger. To truly experience love you have to die within. Let go of your past. For some confession is the form that works best. Confession to the God that saw, heard and felt everything from within you. Once you experience it the feeling of Unity with everything will be overwhelming and that's what the Love is. It is the ultimate power that brings everything to existence.

My life feels like it's not of me. That i'm fundamentally not the me, the one i was i should be from before. A continuous progression is what it should be. I am the person who got handed a script made yesterday in negative: Atleast the mirror does not mock me. Scars adequate for this era; those I can't heal. Life doesn't give me breaks, sleeping feels like a fast forward option i'm encouraged* to press on... I always had a fear of sleeping -but why?- my name is supposed to ward off daemons. I know that unquestionable feeling is mine... Gloom. I'm older, more resillient to horrors. i don't really know if that's all there is. People think too hard and then they lock up. They just faceplant into the same crap without reason. We did that before, damn whore. Everyone is getting more forgetful and unrepentantly stupider. You had the opportunity to fight and overpower. I hate this overcomplicated busy-work, the cursed gentocracy, those walking nature-raping fossils. Everything smells and keeps eroding. Shitshow. The days are not mine, even less so now. I'm so tired and not tired enough. I think i want to go to bed now...

>>94941 hahahah no I feel you, I would feel weird about that as well

I feel like I'm so textbook it's almost uncanny. My life is work and gym followed by talking to my online friends for about an hour and heading to bed. Im doing so well being 24 making 6 figures, have good looks and a great physique after going gym for years and from the few girls I'm friends with at work they've told me that they're amazed I don't have a gf. But idk it's just not something I'm really seeking I live life on autopilot and do what I need to do, a very rules based manner of getting things done I just don't see how I can change my good habits to allow room for something else yet Im fully aware that my life feels empty as fuarrrk right now with no light at the end of the tunnel. In other news I also feel like I miss my past and grew up way too fast. Today I was sitting at work and reminiscing about the times which don't feel too long ago, where I was sitting at home after highschool playing dark souls 2. It just felt like everything was at ease and Im honestly just sad I can't experience that anymore and may never be able to for the rest of my life.

i really like black girls not because of some weird fetish thing but no one in my mostly white hometown at least ever made any effort in expressing interest in me. I had the classic asking to go out and then rescinding saying they were just joking, but I was pretty outcast. When I went to college there was this really pretty black girl in our awkward first college friend group and she instantly took interest in me and I had my first kiss with her and I remember feeling like a kid playing with my cousins again for the first time in 10 years and after her another who I had my first time with and since then it has always been black girls. Not because I am seeking them out and obviously being part of the same race doesnt make you the same its just for some reason always a black girl who is the only one to or the only one brave enough to express interest in me. on average I also find their faces really cute, sometimes there is white girls I find attractive too but its rare to see the features I find cute on white women. if it wasnt for black women I would have stayed an isolated neet and probably have killed myself by now. Even the heartbreak from failed relationships, if it wasnt for that I wouldnt have learned I cant put all my eggs in one basket and never invested in myself. this is a really weird post id never say this stuff in real life my excuse when im meeting someone new and they find out my dating history is first of all I usually lie and say its less people and then include the two non black people I have dated and then if I cant do that I just pretend to be stupid and like I truly have no idea why I have dated so many black women and that I genuinely dont have a preference. But I absolutely do and it hasnt changed for like 13 years now.

>>94821 >Modern things are the echo of that differentiation point somewhere in 2007 when Vista turned out to be soykafty I honestly never thought about it that way. It's true. >Oh and one last thing. They DEMAND people to carry a smartphone with WhatsApp around to be "in touch" 24/7 (or 9 to 5, use two smartphones then) Yes. I get instant bad feeling when my phone does literally anything. I have never got used with phones, not when they were dumb, not know that they're smart. Part of my life's mission is to eventually drop all mobile tech and be reachable only face to face, e-mails or letters. I hate smartphones. I hate mobile tech. I hate phones and I hate whomever thinks this 24/7 connected way of life is normal. People did okay without this sort of tech for millennia. I did more than okay without this soykaf for decades. It's a disgusting insistence, a constant remainder that you're owned, that you're reachable, that you comply. I honestly don't know how people can simply ignore this and treat that as something acceptable. How the flying fuarrrk can people not be as revolted as I am with smartphones? Lol.

>>94982 It seems contradictory to claim you don't have a preference when making a post explicitly calling attention to it. If you try to rationalize it to other people like this they are going to think you are autistic and make fun of you. It's better to just own it and be unapologetic about it.

Warning: a pile of radioactive negativity lies ahead. The usual rap: >the very existence of pain/discomfort as the main way to survive already tells you that the fabric of reality is sadistic by default >the fact that human society was built upon bloodshed is enough evidence to indicate that society was never supposed to be right >misery accompanies all human beings regardless of their condition >"babies first existential crisis"? More like perpetual existential crisis from cradle to death >life is like kicking dead whales down the beach then you die >the emergence of emotions is a way of reality to remind you that you are programmed to suffer I honestly can't wait to meet the oblivion. The actual void, nothingness, no stimuli, nothing. After countless years trying to understand this clusterfuck, studying esoterism, alchemy, meditating, working, doing, building, I realized that all of this is nothing more than ways to cope. It's silly middleware. "Letting go", the Tao, God, a guiding star...these are merely workarounds to maintain temporary sanity and ultimately, to keep you going. Nothing more than ways to make life a bit less unbearable, through IMMENSE effort with almost insignificant fraction of actual beneficial outcome. The rest is just obsession. Everything we do is pointless obsession. Everything we focus on, everything we think. There is no why. No REAL why. We can't see the origin, we can't see the end. I have reached the highest point in my life so far and I'm absolutely miserable. I'm gray, morbid, dead inside, although externally successful. I have dealt with so much soykaf, grinded my way from the absolute rock bottom of substance abuse, crime and homelessness, to a steady hard earner life with a marriage. And I feel like a pile of excrement every day, day by day, with almost imperceptible glimpses of happiness. I'm convinced that there is nothing more to life than to viciously try to do the things you must or want or like, while everything around you does it's best to ruin you, to fuarrrk you over, to drown you in disgrace, vice, temptation, aggression, indignity, insecurity, fear. A single event in your life, an insignificant cell of something that happened...perhaps not even to yourself directly, can destroy your livelihood forever. Destroy everything you worked for, even if you fiercely defend it with all of your forces. I was never a whiner, at least not IRL. I'm a straight up fighter, anons. And I'm telling you that even if you win at some point, in what people considers to be "life" (stable job, wife, house, car), human misery is relentless, the world hates you. People are literally living competition, aching to melt your life, your achievements, everything you hold dear. Our degradation is inevitable. Life continues to pain you, sensations cannot tame you, nothing can really put you at ease, there's ALWAYS something wrong, something to be solved that can never be and you must spend your energy pretending to be solving it. Always danger outside, burning, eager to kill you, to steal you, to violate your loved ones. I don't know how to express it, but I don't just hate my life at this point, I've come to abominate life as a phenomena.

>>95000 i dont actually care that other people think I have a preference I care if the girl does because sometimes they think its for some fetishistic reason and thats what isnt the case, so I do have a preference but just not for some explicitly sexual reason nor because i think every black girl has the same character traits. its just the openness of communication regarding interest or something thats become familiar.

This girl keeps making a conversation with me whenever we finish the classes that we have together and I can't fuarrrking tell if she's into me or not, she sometimes compliments my hair and asked me for my Instagram once which I don't have. I'm bummed out by it because maybe we could've made conversation based on whatever the fuarrrk she posts but no luck. She's so fuarrrking pretty, I think to myself that there's no way she's into me, I was stupid and told her that I have no friends but she still greets me every time we meet and it makes me feel all weird. Whenever we finish talking I think of her for around 3-4 days constantly and it fades off throughout a whole month. I've never went out with anybody, including gather ups in between friends so I'm just afraid that if I ask her out I'll be all incompetent and fuarrrk it up, and that's if she even likes me in any possible way.

>>95014 >asked me for my Instagram once which I don't have. I don't know if this is going to last even if it happens, unless you just want to experience dating I would advise to really think this through after not talking to her for few days, decisions made in heat of the moment are not really yours. Personally I would just maintain surface level friendly chat but I'm loser with no friends.

>>95014 just hang out with her dont have to make it so serious

>>95014 she's a federal agent who's going to install a hardware keylogger on your librebooted thinkpad while you are sleeping

>>95002 I've reached the same conclusion as you have although I haven't lost hope completely. Life seems to be an endless battle against entropy. Heads I win, tails you lose. Even if you manage to somehow find peace you would have been better off not existing in the first place. What a joke. I don't get how people decide to have children so casually. They are creating entities that can suffer, just pulling them out of the void, out of dreamless sleep, straight into hell. What were they thinking? Probably nothing.

>>95022 tooooooooooooooooo short

>>94583 >A dude in a dusty room far away from normal people fixing sounds oddly cozy

>>95024 >Life seems to be an endless battle against entropy It really is. The problem is, it never stops being that way, lol. The fact that we (or some of us) experience the concept of truth, of inner reality, is something that keeps my fire burning. There are hints of sense in this life. Not necessarily in good, wholesome things, but in how things seems to be when dissociating from strict socialized human perception. Experiences that exudes reality, numinous experiences, rare things like that.

>>95002 this. the only paradise is non-existence

Not necessarily feeling anything. I've watched movies all my life as a way to cope and I think I'm transitioning to tv series now. Approaching them with a similar mindset, trying my best not to binge, watching a maximum of 2 ep per day. Finishing the first season of Fleabag, will give Legion a chance, and afterwards I'm planning to watch Star Trek. I feel stuck even though if I try to be objective I am progressing, but it feels meaningless. Sometimes I tell myself that it's better than the alternative, but I am too coward for it anyway. Hope you're having a nice rest of the day (projection off).

I'm a first year CS student and I think I'm going to hand in my resignation application tomorrow. The job market for junior devs is so fuarrrked I might as well have applied for a liberal arts degree. I regret programming since childhood and I'm grieving for the lost time I could have spent playing games like the other children. I have no idea what I'm going to do next but I'm not wasting any more of my time or money in this field.

>>95037 This makes a lot of sense, actually. Do you have methods for reversing the effects?

litterally everything is rape its all fuarrrking rape we get raped by our families when we grow up if we grow up with them at all raped by society it has always been like this all cultures were raped by europeans even most of the european ones it all goes back to the church and slavery which were the two original forms of rape this soykaf is so faurrked anime and soykaf is all just rape

>>95041 >litterally everything is rape its all fuarrrking rape Elaborate. >it all goes back to the church and slavery which were the two original forms of rape The muslims and the jewish were practicing slavery way before europeans started it, and even still they first managed it through trading with these two groups. Also, it was only the evangelical church that showed support for slavery, others like the catholic church in reality helped to abolish it, specially in latam. Don't even let me get started on all the pagans.

>>95042 the ways that everyones bodies are like oggled at the way that sex is pushed onto many people maybe iim just fuarrrkin insane > what being raped as a child does to you ig also chattle slavery is a whole different beast lol

>>95041 >litterally everything is rape its all fuarrrking rape Yep. Rape culture and rape based / quasi-sexual aggression psychology is the dominant force on Earth. Most people are too weak and or stupid to see it. IT;s actually really simple. You prepare and sow your fields, you return to reap. That's it. That's the whole story. Case closed. Vaccination? Rape and mutilation based initiation ritual. The parent is compelled into offering up the child. The child's skin is bared. The warrior and priest class white butcher coat representative pull out his rod. He comes unto the child and causes it to submit to penetration. The rod penetrates the child. It "injects" (ejaculates) all of its material inside. It deposits its payload. The rod is withdrawn, all smiles, everything is right with the world. Now, you're one of us. How about the muzac they play over the loudspeakers in every store, that everyone hates or at the very least no one likes? Oh that's normal, that's nothin' buddy. EEERRRRRRRRRTTT, wrong answer! That's rape. The entire logic is I've got it and god fuarrrkin' damn I gotta get it in. How do I get it in. The entire goal is to wear down and bypass the conscious mind, so they can penetrate through and deposit the payload, or plant the seeds, into the unconscious mind. Essentially they see your brain as a cum sock. Maneuver, poke, prod, test, massage, wear down, until they can finally get it in there. Seeds are planted, you ar ea glorified growth medium. Their seeds will sprout when watered (and they will be watered), and cause your mind and body to grow into what they want. Just gotta pound away till you can shove that aetheric cock right through the conscious mind and blow the load all over the unconscious fields. Wham bam, thank you ma'am. Child grows, they are like a plant! One who has the MIND OF GOD knows that the vine will thank the one who wisely wounded it. So they prune away, so you will grow into what they wish. Etc. It's all rape. The entire logic of every last speck of "culture" is just scheming and dressed up attempts to get it in. It's all about getting it in. Gotta get it in there. Get it into the body, penetrate into the unconscious. If it exists well god damn yqa gotta work to get it in there. Get IT INNNNN!!! And if you point it out all the raped human honeybee cattle will turn on your and say stop telling me how raped I am, you are crazy, you're a little bitch and get worked up over nothing. Blah blah blah.

>>95041 >>95047 Everything is metaphor. We live in metaphor. Because everything is made of archetype, patterns, or very precisely, habits. Everything is a story you cannot escape. For one person, it will be rape as a form of agricultural archetype, which is distrust toward the Great Mother, as opposed to hunting and gathering. Which means you are both right and wrong at the same time. That’s okay because paradox is the fundament of reality. Case closed.

Mods have deleted my CLAMPED biobots thread. I experience this as a personal attack on some level, inevitably so.

>>95024 Things one day may not be fuarrrked. Things won't be better in our lives or our children's lives but if we build what needs building and kill who needs killing and our decendants do too, then some future generations may have better lives. If things become good enough for long enough then it will all work out.

>>95051 archetypes are nonsense to be honeston. theres no real unifying, platonic realm of archetypes, people just subjectively have internal archetypes which can sometimes align with one another or take on poetic meaning when expressed eloquently, but there really aren't archetypes whose overlapping qualities align between large groups of people and exist prior to actual objects like celebrities and the like. I know this because every time someone tries to talk about archetypes and brings them up, they name a new archetype that i hadn't heard discussed of previously. take farming for instance. "farmer" can be thought of as an archetype in many peoples heads but the reality of what farmers do and have done historically is very different from what they imagine. oftentimes people just imagine farming as a job based on media they've consumed and not from actually doing any farming themselves. t. lived on a farm

>>95062 This is just surface level understanding of archetypes. Patterns of existence is all there is. You put some cells together and you get an organism or bio robot. Material manifestation of collection of patterns we call archetypes. Which then they create a story and everything is a story. Whatever you can think of is a story and you cannot think of something that is not a story. That means perceived reality is a story and nothing else. You cannot explain anything without describing a story. It is as real for everyday life, linguistics, programming, physics, math and so on. When I'm talking about archetypes I don't mean just obfuscated ideas like warrior, king, farmer, hunter - they are in a sense archetypes that fit a story but it goes much deeper than that. What I'm trying to say is that depending on your story your perception will be magnetized to certain interpretations. Currently people say we live in simulation, computer and that the creator is a programmer. Before us people were saying that world is a machine built of cogs, before it was all architect who built it brick by brick. This is all obfuscation, a metaphor which is still an archetypical story. No matter if you start from Monad or Demiurge. This is probably the most powerful realization that there is. Because that not only goes to the societal structure and ways to manipulate behaviour by creating stories but to the depth of our identity. Our identities are just a story. Linear progression in which awareness is observer. Pointer in the array..

>>95077 the issue is not that patterns are an integral part of how we make sense of the world but rather that transcendental archetype theory *in particular* is largely unfalsifiable language that can be used to rationalize much that means very little, often reverting to just-so stories and the like. there are similar ideas I'm more amenable to, natural semantic metalanguage for instance is very interesting in that it attempts to identify specific concepts / words within language as "primes" which have a wide variety of uses, such as the development of minimal vocabulary for language learners or even the reconstruction of extinct languages. the difference is that this theory is sufficiently falsifiable that it has qualitatively useful real-world applications beyond cult leader rationalizations that don't amount to much or really hold up to academic rigor, peer review, etc. case in point, ive known many would-be cult leaders (or members) who seemed to very loudly announce that they knew who carl jung was, often reading very little by him (if any), whereas NSM seems to only be a subject of interest among a niche of linguists who do work i consider meaningful, and naturally have a much better grasp of the idea (and incidentally, are also likely to be a lot more familiar with jung and psychoan​alysis more broadly than those who might base their entire identity around it). >whatever you can think of is a story and you cannot think of something that is not a story disagree, there are many things that aren't stories but i think i see what you mean. in fact, i once felt the same, in fact i took for granted the fact that my definition of story was so all-encompassing that i felt trapped in that i could not write any poetry that was not in some way a form of storytelling. but it is heady to assume that my definition of what a story is the same as what others do, and it came to a point that clarification was needed as to what a story was in my eyes such that i realized i had a broader definition of a story than others, and that this was worth consideration. as an example, you might be familiar with devices such as the freytag pyramid or the hero's journey. as you and i both know, the formula of rising action, climax, and conclusion, is not strictly necessary for anything that can be told in the format of a story. leaving poorly written works aside, there is the tragedy as well as the kishōtenketsu (which allegedly has no conflict), which are types of stories that lack some crucial elements that the common story type, such as in movies, consider essential. my point however is not that these are not stories, i do believe they are. my point is that they are prominent because they provide a useful heuristic in terms of *compelling narrative* that broadly draw upon theories of audience engagement. so much so that in many crucial contexts, such as journalism, a yarn that doesn't go anywhere or doesn't really compel anybody will be described as not a story. before i continue let's go back to your original argument, that everything is made up of stories. in this case, what are stories made up of? you have already provided an answer, archetypes, as the building blocks of stories, i would disagree even if i think they can be a useful device for telling a compelling narrative. naturally you might argue that something being an archetype rather than a story, does not actually prove anything, because archetypes are necessarily parts of stories implying that there are stories present. but that is now beside the point. what you must contend with is the fact that this is only another framework for telling a compelling narrative - it is not the end of the story, so to speak, it is rather a framework with broad usefulness like the hero's journey or the freytag pyramid, the fichtean curve, and whatever else. there must, necessarily, be exceptions that come as naturally to others as we can imagine exceptions - and this goes back imo to an underlying reality to all of the examples ive given, even my latest special interest in linguistics. even though it is *possible* to reconstruct and communicate meaning with much smaller symbol set than the whole of a language, that limited symbol set isn't the only one that must be used. the framework you see reality through is likely not a perspective you can suddenly have zero knowledge of and stop using. but it is necessarily not the only framework - others organize reality into patterns, patterns which you might not even be able to interpret as such. rather you must assume, on faith, that "pattern" is the best way to describe them, and that you must be able to understand their world in your own terms. more forcefully put, it is that that their world must be understood through yours. but tell me: why must we be legible?

>>95041 I had this same thought around 23ish I wonder if you are that age too. This is a bad board to share it you are on track to be intensely frustrated these people which is a good thing. Maybe you are same age or older than me im not knocking it as a basic thought if so. I remember being in a museum staring at some art from south american lost civs and thinking about how I will never be able to see it as and get the information from it that was intended because an entire perspective and any traces of it were wiped from existence. Its in this museum now as some abstract artifact with "ritual purposes" when at one point it was real and alive and communicated something that for all I know could have been groundbreaking when slotted in my brain or answered something from me. With people still able to learn incredible life lessons from our own canon think of how many things and people could have had insanely topical insight to our modern problems and times and conditions that back then were just a threat and thus raped out of existence. Its a rape world cause the rape god won, if i ever am dying and see the light i have promised myself to not follow my instincts and go in but to look for some kind of second or third light cause I dont want to be another piece in the rape gods museum.

>>95152 They wipe out peoples and cultures and then fabricate the history, they put it in a museum merely for their own benefit. “He who controls the past controls the future. He who controls the present controls the past.”

i'm sick of life and living i just want to die maybe i'll just od doubt i'll make it to the end of the month

>>95162 Sorry to see you go. But before you do, I have got to ask, what's ailing you? Tell us your story, so that some of us might learn from you and maybe even help others before their situation escalates to suicide.

>i'm on autopilot and have been for as long as I can remember >i have no real desires to speak of beyond a general concept of societal success >my life is on a good trajectory and theres honestly nothing to be changed >i put on an act of happiness which at this point im unsure is an act >i live for the weekend but feel burdened with free time >i could die tomorrow and i'd be indifferent >fully capable but have no desire for relationship >all hobbies slowly started to fade away to the point where I cant enjoy anything I once did >feel like i cant keep living like this but know full well that i will >every day i grow older and feelings and emotion grows colder Don't know how I can fix my brain into caring about life, the closer I get to my goals the more I feel the sentiment that "this is it" and in turn feel more detached from it all. Now I strive for things knowing full well that I don't really care about it or anything else so despite being able to take further strides I just can't trick myself into doing it. I wouldn't even say im depressed im just so hyperaware of reality that nothing phases me and emotion no longer drives my life as it once did. I used to find solace in communities like this but I also feel like i've outgrown them and no longer want to mope around and cry. The truth is there is no solution, no way to change this way of thinking but I'm condemned to carry out the rest of my life following the motions.

Speaking as a man, I'm beginning to generally hate men. It's a weird position to find myself in, I admit, but reading about the pornography industry has pushed me in that direction. It got me thinking: of all the men I know in my life, including my friends, virtually all of them have behaved in such a perverse way in relation to women that I can't help but feel disgusted by their behavior. I feel ashamed because I'm no different. At one point in the past, I humiliated a girl who expressed romantic interest in me because I'm an irrational coward too insecure to show vulnerability. And what do other men do when I express these feelings online? They humiliate me. Not only that, but on places like 4chan there's just threads upon threads upon threads of ragebait, doubtlessly posted by other men, that serves no other purpose than to wreck my mental health. Even IRL when I was out with an ex-girlfriend one time, some middle-aged guy, who would've never batted an eye at me had I been out alone, decided to make a sneering comment at me for looking like a girl with my long hair. He only said that to embarrass me in front of my ex-girlfriend. No where near have women inflicted that degree of shame unto me and at the same frequency like men have. That's why I'm learning to be content alone and without very many friends and with the possibility that, owing to the personal issues I've mentioned above, I'm probably not going to find companionship anytime soon in my life. I like being around women than I do men, but at the end of the day, I'm still prone to feelings of control and jealousy as much as the men I'm increasingly growing to resent.

lol, they deleted my post. Can't talked about piercing covered tattooed broads anywhere it seems. >>95215 >At one point in the past, I humiliated a girl who expressed romantic interest in me because I'm Same. Multiple times actually, only in one case did I actively attack however. Multiple women I was interested in approached and even pursued me, and I turned them down and pushed them away. In retrospect I don't think "I" did anything. It was almost done out of programmed compulsion. I was physically and psychologically tortured for many years straight after this, causing the breakdown of such systems. I can no longer fully blame myself.

>>95163 i just can't feel happy anymore, that's the main problem

>>95215 I feel in a weird position to say this but learn to defend yourself, I don't think you would feel inferior anymore to someone making stupid remarks about you. Not necessarily being violent, just knowing you can defend yourself will make you not care about such an incident if it occurs. Also a weird position to be in, but you are comparing a vast majority of the population to the users of an imageboard. Something-something touch grass?

You asked me if I have a job before you'd even go on a date with me. Honestly why even ask that? You're just telling me that you aren't going to give a fuarrrk about me either way. How grim. Even though I'm set there's now no point. How can I be with you if that's what you care about? This is like kicking dead whales down the beach. I liked you, idiot. You were cute when you blushed. I knew I was fuarrrked when I saw you fiddling with your necklace. An attempt to self pacify. You knew it was a soykafty question but you just had to go and do it. What inspired it? It was a deviation from your baseline. You really aren't like that. It wasn't really you asking, was it? Who? Your family? Your friends? You fool. No, I'm the fool. You did a single arm cross and distanced yourself too. It's over.

>>95215 >>95224 how the hell can you humiliate a woman? they're basically programmed to be subservient, humiliation is just a transient bad mood for them. they can't take it to heart as men do, because unlike men, they don't need to cut their way to the top by brutal force.

>>95240 I don't know if they experienced it as humiliation or in what way. I just know that I regretted not taking what I clearly wanted, and saw it as a programmed response.

>>95240 You see, this is what I'm talking about. Can you not possibly fathom how ridiculous and dehumanizing a notion like that is?

>>95246 People are hypocrites, they think they're above and special and enlightened, but they're manipulated slaves that believe under a slightly different delusion and deception.

>>95247 >being a psychopath is manly >all women are subservient >if you disagree with me it's because you're a girly man that doesn't know the difference between man and woman It's beautiful. Retardation in a pure form, impossible to refute because each delusion feeds in to and strengthens the others. Like a crystal.

>>95259 lol'd. Accurately put. Has all the signs. Lack of reading comprehension, replying to things you preemptively and or implicitly addressed, tone. A perfect lattice of highly stable self reconstituting stupidity. Practically fractal stupidity.

>>95215 >It got me thinking: of all the men I know in my life, including my friends, virtually all of them have behaved in such a perverse way in relation to women that I can't help but feel disgusted by their behavior An unfortunate part of being human is that you and everyone you know is responsible for some disgusting, hurtful behavior. All you can do is be better and help those around you be better. Isolating from people IRL isn't going to help, especially if you're reading ragebait on 4chan. >hate men In fairness to our gender, it's easier for you to identify with it in other men because you're a man, but it's a human problem, not a man problem.

the internet has stunned me, i hate it. i wasted my entire childhood and teenage hood to a screen, people would casually talk about their experiences when they were young, from happiness to sadness, from friendship to love, from fun times they had to times of suffering then you have me, my experience was just soykaf school, computer repeat, childhood amnesia galore. not to mention close family experience is dogshit, want nothing to do with them at all especially my father, he is controlling of everything from my bank account to my hair style, am tired of it all. 19 now and am way too unprepared for adult life, am too stupid, objectively a failure, no social life, annoying and just pathetic.

>>95271 School is designed to manufacture retards who are dependent on and subservient to society. With the decay of society they aren't even bothering with pretense now and many aren't even taught how to read and write properly. This is a world of amateurs and retards.

>>95271 College is your last chance. Don't miss it.

>>95277 College is a scam. Don't go into debt.

>>95279 Cleaning soykaf pays better? STEM is the only way to get out of the ditches.

>>95274 absolutely true, it hurts >>95277 thats the thing, i can't i wanted to go so i can at the very least earn a diploma in order to not work a dead end 9 to 5 (did an internship and immediately wanted to kill myself) i was born with a congential disorder which fuarrrks my teeth making them slanted which in turn people didn't understand a lick of what i say, due to this my entire school career was spent in "special" schools which "help" kids with either physical or mental disabilities, for example kids with ADHD, antisocial behaviour or just kids that are slow learners. which sounds all good in theory but they didn't help with soykaf, there was even a 16 year old teenager with us who didn't even know his fuarrrking multiplication table and these mfs barely helped, it sounds like am making this up and I'd forgive you if you think am talking out of my ass but that's that, anyhow because of this i am ineligible to join a university or college in my country, which was the only thing i was looking forward to

>>95288 >weird teeth prevents me from speaking normally i don't believe you because all the old people with half their teeth missing still speak normal

>>95289 He likely had orthodontics and a smaller jaw, which old people did not. This narrows the airway, malocclusion of the teeth, not enough room for the tongue. And if it causes damage to the facial nerve or cervical spine, good luck with that. I lived it.

>>95280 It's still a scam, the most effective kind: where there is actual payoff.

>>95280 Have fun competing with hordes of jeets. The only real way to get ahead is having social skills, connections and looks.

>>95308 Basically winning the genetic lottery and being born to upper middle class people. Then being intelligent enough to use your skills to accumulate lots of money fast without working soykafty jobs. Then using the freedom from that money to build as many attractive features for yourself as possible and building as much social capital as possible before settling for the mate with the highest genes possible and having as many offspring as you can afford from that mate.

I hate everyone in my hometown so unbelievably fuarrrking much. I grew up in an extremely abusive and neglectful home, and nobody gave a single soykaf. I got really really sick while I was young, and nobody gave a soykaf. In fact everyone would try to convince me nothing was wrong. I was pressured to turn to marijuana instead. The whole town is entirely hyperactively far left wing people. Their culture of self righteous indignation and narcissism permeates everything. The hypocrisy is unparalleled, and they are all profoundly delusional and ignorant. On top of this, I had incredible academic talents, yet received no support whatsoever. The entire economy and culture of the town revolves around a very soykafty university with a very successful sports team. I had more talent in one finger than those people will accumulate in their entire lives. I fear I may have sustained some permanent cognitive damage because of my health conditions going untreated. I hate them in all totality, and I wish them nothing but harm and suffering. I had an IQ of 140, and then I developed: Bipolar I disorder PTSD Fibromyalgia Multiple vision problems Sleep apnea A deviated septum Allergies Asthma Several of these are related to an abusive childhood. The last four conditions made it incredibly difficult to breathe in my sleep. Sleep deprivation is the worst possible thing for Bipolar Disorder. I am being evaluated for autism soon as well. These are not problems a teenager is equipped to handle all by themselves. All of high school was a complete waste. I went from straight As to straight Fs for all of high school. Those 5 years could have been spent resolving my problems. Nobody gave a single flying fuarrrk about me. I will never forget how these people are. They will never deserve forgiveness.

>>95381 >I fear I may have sustained some permanent cognitive damage because of my health conditions going untreated. I hate them in all totality, and I wish them nothing but harm and suffering. Again. Vaccination and the medical-industrial complex. Probably you were also either a cesarean birth or they fuarrrked with your teeth somehow. Probably some role for synergistic toxicity. This stupid as fuarrrk site deletes my posts constantly but those are the facts. This is real life when you get spawn c|lamped.

>>95381 Look into Ray Peat. Probably you have hypothyroidism and can help yourself to be better.

>>95395 They spawn camp and sow the seeds for future decay. I will not back down on this.

Rlly wasn’t hoping for schizo nonsense replies to my post

>>95400 I have lived your life, dumbass. I know better than any of these other fuarrrks what you're living. Now stfu and UNCLAMP.

>>95393 >hypothyroidism I think he would have noticed Also I don't see regular symptoms among those mentioned by him

>>95381 Academia is mostly a venue for propaganda, so like all things here connections and appearances matter far more than results and talent. Society merely pretends to value talent intelligence & merit to propagandize, to convince people that it is right and what it values is right. To make society judge what is right by proclaiming society values what is right, so it can uplift and hate whatever it so desires. So you don't have to feel too bad about your talent and intelligence being stolen and disregarded, those can never go very far in this world anyway.

>>71576 Today is my twenty-fifth birthday and I feel nothing for it. What is there to celebrate? The passage of time and being one step closer to decrepitude? I'd rather die.

>>95410 ah no way, i just turned 26, and the emotional support cat just died of throat cancer never worry, things are never as bad as you think they are. if you're lucky you'll never retroactively realise how good you have it right now :)

>>71576 I hate that a lot of jobs revolve around being social, and if they don't, there is something else I miss to be qualified. I am good at programming, but because I don't like to socialize nor do I have a degree (dropout) recruiters don't give a damn, or they quickly give up after learning that I rather just sit in a corner and quietly code than be active with my coworkers. or if I find an interesting job, with low to no social skills needed, then I need a driver's license or some other degree for it. but alas, I still need money, and the clock is ticking. so maybe I should just force myself into some soykafty part time wageslave job until I actually finish college (going for a sysadmin/cybersec degree now) and then I can wageslave some more until I rope (lol). thank you for listening to my TED ta... ramble.

>>95411 >>95415 There are ways to make money on the internet, especially if you are not picky. do take a look around getting a job seems silly on the backdrop of present day, present time also passive income does not exist

>>95416 I know, but there's also the thing that the money needs to be a stable income, so you can live off it. and also money that can be used on your day to day life (eg; no monero to pay for the Monster you buy from the lidl). and there's also the constant egging of your peers and family, the constant "oh you don't got a job yet? damn", "you should really get a job bro". guess I'll just keep on looking, maybe start hosting some stuff for people for cheaps

It's becoming more difficult for me to mask. I'm a self-diagnosed schizoid who lives with his mom, approaching mid twenties. For whatever reason, I make sure all of my activities and hobbies are kept secret. I'm scheduling some of them to do during the night when I know I can't be interrupted, and others I keep behind a language barrier (my mom doesn't speak all the languages I speak). I leave my apartment only for work. I am completely fine with isolation and I'm in fact looking to rent a separate apartment in the near future. But the way my mom sees my situation is different. I feel like she experiences guilt as a parent for the way my personality turned out, and thus is desperate to "help" even though I desire none of it. For context, my upbringing was relatively normal sans early divorce, which is pretty common in our region of the world anyway. Never had any kind of trauma, my schizoid traits were very mild as a kid/teen and thus went by unnoticed, nothing out of the ordinary until high school when I started avoiding social relationships. At this point I have no friends and I barely talk to my family. She thinks it's wrong, I think that's just the way I am. She wants me to see a therapist and I just don't see the point. If anything, it can turn out to be harmful if the side effects of antipsychotics are really that bad. I don't really know why I decided to share this, but hey, have a read, you stranger.

I suspect I am being poisoned. Whole digestive tract feels burnt, from tongue to anus. Red bloody stool came out earlier.

>>95413 As for you; if you're lucky, you will be able to turn the tide in your favor at some point - or turn your sail the right way to enjoy the wind of life that's blowing .

>>95456 Bentonite clay and activated charcoal bind to toxins&poisons preventing them being absorbed into the bloodstream through the intestines and stomach. Take a binder like those outside of meal times as they interfere with digestion, maybe a full spectrum binder.

>>94816 Alexa (or Yandex Alisa) have that "XXI century" futuristic feel to them - you can speak to them without keys yet you're still able to ask them to play some 1950s musician's music

Felt like picrelated lately. >>94974 >I just don't see how I can change my good habits to allow room for something else yet Im fully aware that my life feels empty as fuarrrk right now with no light at the end of the tunnel. I understand how boredoom has hollowed you out a bit; your "by the book" life without surprises or adventures may feel wrong. Under-adrenalized, even. Yet I feel jealous also: I am on the other side of the "boring still life VERSUS life full of perceived twists" gauge. That's what I want to AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaa about sometimes, basically. >I feel like I'm so textbook it's almost uncanny. Look, I understand, it's like being bored of having nothing to do; many years ago, I had just this kind of boredoom. >>94882 >living at home >is like kicking dead whales down the beach I think I been there for ages already. I got comfier last 4 yers, basically.

>>95041 I think I understand; and I am not about "basic instinct" even. So, where I am from, they use phrases like "quit fuarrrking my brains" On language level, you can tell mind-to-mind interaction can be some kind of rape despite it wouldn't involve literal bodily one. On the other side, some people I am close with tend to treat others as con artists by default. That's why my "blame the parents" stance awakens sometimes; I don't really blame my parents today. I think those were just the times where everyone could con/outwit/outsmart everyone in 2000s here as opposed to dangerous brutal vibe of the 1990s. I am from Russia, the 1990s were brutal like a bunch of starving dogs/wolves yet 2000s were full of smug glamourous cons flauting their smug con art way of life via TV

>>95271 I think I know how to frame this problem Try imagining yourself as a fox who tried to score a really huge skyscraper-sized coop. (Foxes are notorious for killing every chicken in whatever coop they raid despite scoring only two chicks or even one chick per raid)