Wanting a mental illness.

Recently I've been, sort of disorganized. My mind is a mess right now, I'm not sure what's wrong. But one thing I noticed is I don't want to get better. I don't want to be "normal". I want to have a mental illness that messes with my sense of reality. I guess I want to leave this world and live in a different, altered one. What is Lain's experience on this? (Also look at this interesting "Lainon" city I found in France.)

if you want one, you've already got one ;^} idolizing unhealth is a terrible thing that surely leads to uglyness and misery, but do what thou wilt, bro. thats just my opinion.

>>71030 The thing is, my experiences with them have been such important parts of my life, so deeply ingrained in my psyche. They're special to me. I'm fond of them. Those times. I feel like if I become normal these moments will lose their significance.

>>71029 Might I as what mental disorder do you want to have? They are very different so this general feeling is hard to take seriously unless you specify.

>>71031 What's a mental illness but being weird in a destructive way? You can be weird but healthy. It's not hard, unless destruction is what you want. In that case, I hear drugs are pretty fun.

Practice controlled hallucinations and lab out your senses and imagination. Robert Anton Wilson mentioned in Cosmic Trigger about these hippies that would do that and would go crazy going too deep into the practice. Perception goes through you so do what you want with it.

>>71029 I am conflicted about this. On the one hand, the mode of mental organization I am experienced with is soykaf and I hate it. I turn it on when I have to for things like school or work, but it feels like grinding gears for short term results, fighting against myself, massively inefficient and unsustainable, self torment, inevitable death of any passion I might have started with for the tasks at hand. On the other hand, I haven't figured out how to actually get things done at a satisfying pace without this, except during very rare and brief bursts of inspiration. But those go away and I forget why I cared, every day care about different things, can't start things knowing they will not be finished. If you found a different, altered world, would it be a consistent place? would its structures hold up under their own weight? I definitely envy people who claim to have robust state saving within their dreamworlds. I want clear unwavering yet joy driven intention.

>>71029 i think it's kind of scary to get stop being mentally ill because you will think about things in fundamentally different ways if you're not mentally ill vs if you are mentally ill. also, HOLY SOYKAF LAINON CITY!!!!

>>71029 I relate to your experience. I think I have the same thoughts in order to escape reality. Times are hard and facing the absurdity of life is a burden. I struggle to create meaning these days..

>>71029 I feel like I'm having a mental illness because last time I visited lainchan it looked completely different so I'm not sure if it was a dream or a parallel universe. What else changed, is it still 2023? The electronics sayso but maybe it's not true?